Chapter 12 | Bindings
enemy (n.)
early 13c., “one hateful toward and intent on harming (someone),” from Old French enemi (12c., Modern French ennemi), earlier inimi (9c.) “enemy, adversary, foe; demon, the Devil,” from Latin inimicus “an enemy,” literally “an unfriend,” noun use of adjective meaning “hostile, unfriendly” (source also of Italian nemico, Catalan enamic, Spanish enemigo, Portuguese inimigo), from in- “not” (see in- (1)) + amicus “friend” related to amare “to love” (see Amy). From c. 1300 in English as “adversary of God, unbeliever, heathen, anti-Christian;” late 14c. as “the Devil;” also late 14c. as “member of an armed, hostile body in a war, feud, etc.;” of the opposing military forces as a whole, from c. 1600. From mid-14c. as an adjective.
Most Indo-European words for “personal enemy” cover also “enemy in war,” but certain languages have special terms for the latter, such as Greek polemioi (distinct from ekhthroi), Latin hostis, originally “stranger” (distinct from inimicus), Russian neprijatel’ (distinct from vrag). Russian vrag (Old Church Slavonic vragu) is cognate with Lithuanian vargas “misery” (see urge (v.)), and probably is related to Proto-Germanic *wargoz, source of Old Norse vargr “outlaw,” hence “wolf;” Icelandic vargur “fox;” Old English wearg “criminal, felon;” which likely were the inspirations for J.R.R. Tolkien’s warg as the name of a kind of large ferocious wolf in “The Hobbit” (1937) and “Lord of the Rings.” Related: Enemies
How the fuck had it happened? How had he allowed himself to be blindsided again? Why hadn’t he been able to prevent this? On his flight from Asia to Australia, all Michael could do was keep his eyes fixed on the clouds and try to stay still. Wishing so much he could just disappear into the horizon, like stardust. This was a nightmare, and he had no idea how to wake up.
The press had finally learned about Debbie’s pregnancy, and the news was now all over the place. All over the fucking planet. He hadn’t even been that aware of the speculations buzzing around for a few days before News of The World – a freaking British tabloid, pure garbage – plastered the story on its front page. Too much stuff to think about. But he had rapidly found out who was behind everything: Splash agency, which operated in England and was based in Los Angeles.
Los Angeles. How convenient! That detail had caught his attention right away. The British paparazzi had been very smug about breaking the news right under the American media’s nose, saying that they had been working on the story for over two months.
Two whole fucking months!
Two months and Michael hadn’t realized the danger. He hadn’t paid attention to the whispers and the movements behind his back. He was so used to be scrutinized that the murmuring had become unintelligible, primarily because he was focused on so many things at once. The tour. The babies. His relationship with Lisa. And now he was caught in the middle of another fucking mess. Even a bigger one than he could ever have foreseen.
Lisa’s pregnancy was still very much a secret, media-wise, and although Priscilla knew about it, he was pretty sure she would not utter a word. Especially now. As far as Lisa was concerned… well, she had her moments for sure, but he knew he could trust her when it came to the important stuff. The only problem was that he was not sure she wouldn’t hate him, or that she would stick around, once she found out what he was going to do. What he had to do.
Now it was all about damage control. It wouldn’t be about love, and it wouldn’t even be about respecting the deal he had with Deborah. But apparently, there was no other route he could take to try to fix this disaster.
While discussing the matter with his staff, Michael had been forced to tell the whole truth. Lisa, too, was pregnant with his child. Regina, his publicist, had looked horrified. She had even gasped, her hand covering her mouth in a very dramatic fashion. Seriously? What the fuck? He had just glared at her: what the hell did she know about him? How could she judge his choices? Regina was going to get the boot as soon as he had a minute. He was sick and tired to be looked at as if he were some strange, alien-like form. And he was also starting to doubt the loyalty of many, many of his people. Some of them needed to go faster than shit through a goose.
During the meeting, he could already tell the whole conversation was going in a specific direction, but after that last detail, it became apparent that there was only one possible outcome. Lisa was wealthy, strong, independent and no longer his wife. She was not the oh-woe-is-me kind of woman. Even pregnant with his kid, she would never look like someone in need of any support. Not even from Michael Joseph Jackson. Those words had stung, but he had done his best to look completely neutral. He hadn’t even replied. Showing how much of a sitting duck he felt would be nonsense, at this point. Everybody knew he was in some serious shit.
On the other hand, what his staff had stressed out to no end was that Debbie’s public image was way more fragile and vulnerable than Lisa’s – it didn’t matter how much money was involved in their private deal. Instinctively, the public would likely emphasize and sympathize with Debbie, while Lisa had already been caught more than once in the shitstorm that equaled to be a target for the press. The media didn’t like Lisa at all, despised Michael, but seemed to be just fine with Debbie. Which meant that, in terms of public relations, the current situation would make Michael look like a fuck-her-and-leave-her kind of guy. The serial inseminator. The mini-Joseph.
Not a great picture. Not the one he had always worked so hard to build for himself… and certainly not depicting the kind of man he was in private, either. At the same time, the truth would be very, very complicated to explain.
The first thing his publicist had done, was to release an official statement: “To avoid any further inaccurate reports in the media and tabloid press, Michael Jackson announces today that his longtime close friend of 15 years, Debbie Rowe, is pregnant and will have his child in early 1997.”
And then the real damage control plan had been established.
He had to marry Debbie.
Which was something he had never wanted to do. He had never even remotely thought about it. Not in the beginning, when he loved her as a friend, and she was merely supposed to be a surrogate for him, and certainly not now, after discovering that she had been the one ratting on the pregnancy.
Oh, at first she had denied everything, with a vehemence that sounded almost out of place.
But Michael had put two and two together pretty quickly. The Los Angeles-based, British-run news agency had been yapping a lot, saying that their “source” had told them that Debbie was having Michael’s baby, and that their reporters had worked hard to establish if the news was true or not. And then, since those paps were probably too excited to realize they were having a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth, they had simply admitted that their source was indeed good ol’ Deb. Of course, they had added that she didn’t know she was talking to the press, when she had spilled the beans, and they had called their breaking news “investigative journalism.”
Sure… and Michael was going to be a sous chef at the Angelini Osteria.
At that point, faced with the facts, Debbie had changed her tune, saying again and again that she indeed had no idea those “acquaintances” she had been talking to were paparazzi. She had whined, then she had tried to look horrified at his insinuations, finally she had sounded offended. She probably thought Michael was the stupidest asshole on the face of the planet. And that he hadn’t discovered how many connections she had in the industry. Oh, she knew who those people were, alright.
His heart sunk.
For the first time, he seriously started to think that he had not made the best decision in the world, when he had accepted Debbie’s offer. While he was still married to Lisa, of all things…
God…
Michael pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut.
He knew what had generated this utter catastrophe. It was all becoming very clear to him. Lisa had told him, in unsuspected times, that Deborah had a crush on him, that she was obsessed with him and that she was trying to hog-tie him with her offer. He had laughed at her, dismissed her words. No, Lisa, not everyone has an agenda, you know? I do have real friends. And when it had become clear that his marriage was crashing and burning, and Lisa was not going to become pregnant with his child anytime soon, he had played the last card: Debbie will do it at your place. And Lisa had just stared at him, daring him: then have Debbie do it.
A sheer power struggle. Two foolish decisions in the span of a minute, changing the course of both their lives. Him challenging her, her accepting the challenge. Stubborn, childish idiots!
The straw breaking the camel’s toe, for Debbie, had probably been discovering that Lisa, too, was now pregnant with Michael’s baby. No more advantages. That, summed with him clearly stating that he wanted to make things right with Lisa, had been the last push and Debbie had forged ahead in the only way she knew. And now everyone would be paying the price. Him, Lisa… the kids. Both of them.
Michael’s gaze dropped and he stared at his own hands, closed into fists in his lap. The conversation he and Lisa had over the phone, only a couple of days earlier, still resounded in his mind with blade-like precision.
The moment he had realized the immensity of the disaster that had just rained on him – and her – he had tried to call her. But she had beaten him to the punch, and his cell phone had rung in his hand even before he could type her number.
“Mike… hey…”
“Lisa…” He sounded adequately breathless.
“What’s going on? There are reporters outside my house…”
Fucking shit! Of course, they weren’t leaving her alone! He was losing control of everything!
“Listen, baby, I… Where are you?”
“At Hidden Hills… They’re just outside the community gates. My driver just called me and told me they’re looking for me. Why? I mean… I haven’t gone out yet. I’m hiding… I wanted to talk to you, first. What the hell is going on?” He could tell that his muttered words, his nervous tone had set the alarms off in her mind. She was still clueless, but she knew something was wrong.
“Look,” he sat on his desk and took a deep breath. His hands were shaking. “Did you see the news yet?”
“No, I didn’t, I was – …Michael! Just tell me what’s happening!”
Another deep breath. Of course she hadn’t checked the news. Lisa didn’t like to watch television that much. Even less, she loved tabloids.
“The press knows about Debbie. That she’s pregnant.”
Silence at the other end. Closing his eyes, he could almost feel her struggle.
“Oh… Who told them?”
“She did.”
He heard a whispered expletive. When she spoke again, he admired her considerably calm – albeit a bit shaky – voice.
“OK… What do we do now?”
“Nothing. Don’t talk to them, ignore them. They are just trying to stir more shit. I’m taking care of it.”
“Mike… Is there… anything I can do to help? Anything you want me to do?”
“No, nothing else… I’m dealing with it. You just try not to get too upset… Just… it’s gonna be OK, baby. Just trust me, OK? Trust me.”
As he thought about that last request, Michael blinked. When he had asked Lisa to trust him, he still had no idea what he was going to do. The plan was not in motion, yet, and marrying Debbie was the last thought in his mind. But it was almost a done deal now, and because of that, he had been avoiding Lisa for a couple of days.
Coward.
No, he was not a coward. He just needed to find a way to let her know… to make her understand, that his marriage to Debbie would only be for the sake of appearances. It wouldn’t be real, nor romantic. It would essentially be for the baby… and public relations, alright. There were so many reasons to do what he had to do. So many risks if he just decided to be stubborn and not give in. Lisa would have to understand that this would be nothing but a clockwork marriage. He just had to find the right words.
He could do this.
No, she ain’t gonna stick around, man. And can you really blame her? Why should she? She is probably still very much in doubt about her feelings for you, and now you’re gonna give her the coup de grace. You know it. Stop lying to yourself.
Without even thinking, he pushed his hand into the inner pocket of his jacket and extracted the photograph of their baby girl. Paris. The one they had taken in London, during the sonogram with Doctor Mcfadden. He stared at the crumpled picture with a furrowed brow and much concern. His heart was heavy. He felt as if every little progress he and Lisa had made during the past few weeks was going to be disintegrated in the blast. The fragile little flower would be stomped on. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that everything would be alright, he knew how delicate the balance he had just reached with her was. You couldn’t expect to trample all over crystal and leave it intact.
Plus, Lisa’s pregnancy had put everything into perspective once again. Whereas Michael had once held a grudge against her because, in his opinion, she wasn’t respecting his wish to be a father, he now couldn’t cling to that excuse any longer. Yes, their pregnancy had indeed been entirely unexpected, unplanned and miscalculated. But not for a second he had felt Lisa withdraw from it or cut him out. Even more important, she had looked sincerely happy to be expecting his kid. The moment she had discovered to be pregnant, she had been all in, wanting their baby, welcoming her, and trusting him as a father.
Michael had loved her even while holding a grudge against her. What he felt now, after they both had been forced to face the most unexpected event two divorcees could ever imagine, wasn’t even comparable. He had to make her understand. And the sooner he would, the better.
Sydney, Australia, Sheraton-on-the-Park Hotel – two days later
Not even during the last, tragic weeks of their marriage he had been so tense, so nervous. He was a wreck. Back then, rage and resentment had been powerful forces, able to propel him forward in his plans and intentions. What did he have now? He was utterly disarmed. And yet he knew he couldn’t stall any longer.
Lisa’s messages on his answering machine had been sounding increasingly worried during the past couple of days. She knew him. She had understood that he had been avoiding her. But Michael could feel that she had no idea of the cold shower he was going to deliver.
Holding the phone tightly in his hand, he gritted his teeth when it started to ring. Lisa picked up right away, as if she had been waiting for him.
“Hello? Michael?”
“Yes. Hey…”
“Hey. Is everything alright? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for a while now, but I couldn’t get through…”
“I know. I am sorry. I am so sorry.”
“What, am I persona non grata all of sudden?” She let out a dry, nervous chuckle.
He sneered, without any joy. “You know you’re not.”
“I just wanted to be sure. Michael… Are you OK? You don’t sound… well.”
“Are you, Lise? How’s the baby?”
“The baby’s fine, Mike… Have you been avoiding me? It felt like a deja-vu.”
Right. A fucking deja-vu. Only, this one was way worse than the first time around.
“No, I was…” He swallowed. His throat was on fire. “I was just trying to get my shit together before talking to you.” God, what an idiotic choice of words. His mind had been wiped clean. He felt like a blank slate.
“About Debbie, you mean? Look, I don’t care what the press says… I know they’re gonna keep ranting about this until the end of time… but as long as we’re on the same page, it’s OK.”
The same page. He bet they weren’t. Or that they would not be in a minute. Michael felt like crying. He felt shackled, held captive, powerless, bitter. Angry at everyone. At Debbie, for fucking him over. At Lisa, for having been the trigger generating this domino effect in the first place. At himself, for having been reckless and stubborn to the point of blindness. No-one was immune from his fury, at that very moment. And yet, his was a fury coated in so much sadness that he was sure, it would never fully explode.
Shit, what’s your problem, man? Stop with the mental masturbation and get it over with. She feels something is wrong. She needs to know.
“Lisa – there’s something I have to do that I don’t wanna do, but I’ll have to do it anyway.”
“Alright, look, I’m sitting down, OK? Just in case…” Another breathless chuckle. She was trying to exorcise the fear in the only way she could. By making light of the situation. “I mean, tell me… Shit, how bad can it be?”
“It’s real bad, and it’s not what I want, but it’s necessary. For PR reasons… the news… I had several meetings with my staff. My publicist, my sponsors, my lawyers, everyone… we tried to come up with several ways to fix this mess. The press… I…”
“I saw what Regina said, on the news. Of course, you had to confirm the rumor. I don’t see how else you could have handled this, Mike. I understand.”
He closed his eyes, trying to block out the pain. It didn’t work.
“No, I know that. It’s just – there’s only one way to prevent further damage. I gotta take care of the baby. I can’t risk Deb taking him away from me.”
“What do you mean? Taking him away from you, how? She has no interest in that kid…” She now was no longer making light of anything. She sounded very cautious. Worried.
“Lisa… I have to marry her.” His voice broke. “To make sure I get full custody of my child. And… and…”
“To avoid bad press. To contain the damage.” Her voice sounded strange, cold and labored at the same time. As if she was trying with everything she had to rationalize the whole matter and get a grip on herself.
Michael sighed. “Yes. Yes, that’s exactly it.” He swallowed, hard. “Lisa, I…”
“You’re right, Michael… you said you were gonna get your shit together. And it looks like you’re doing just that. You’re doing the responsible thing. Good luck.”
And there it was… There was no sarcasm in her words but of course, she was backing off. She was retreating in her corner. She was…
Slipping away. Again.
“No, no, no. You don’t get it. Lisa Marie… you gotta listen to me.” He flinched. “Please, listen to me…”
Silence. He licked his parched lips. His mind was short-circuiting.
“Debbie leaked the news. I didn’t see it coming. I know you were not surprised when I told you. But… I really didn’t see it coming. And when I told her about us… about our baby… I think…” He shook his head. He knew he was ranting. He couldn’t help it. “Money might not be enough if I don’t do this, Lise. She might fight me in court, and given what happened a few years ago… she might even win. She might take the baby from me. But if I go through with this, I can shackle her with the marriage-”
“She can shackle you. And apparently, she will.”
“No, it’s not going to be like that. This won’t be a real marriage. It’s gonna be a binding contract, with a specific duration and mandatory details concerning its dissolution, too. It’s not going to be permanent… It’s just a temporary situation… Lise, it doesn’t have to change anything between the two of us…”
At the other end, Lisa snorted in a sad, bitter way.
“It doesn’t have to change anything? Michael, it changes everything! Every fucking thing! Can’t you see it?”
He could not tell if she was desperate, furious, or both.
“Only on paper. Only on paper, baby. What we have – you know it, Lisa. You know what we have is different.”
“Oh, I have no doubt it is. But it’s not gonna work this time. It just won’t. And if you can’t see it now, I am not sure you ever will…” Lisa emitted a sound. Something resembling a stifled sob. “I get it though. I get that you’re afraid. I also understand it would make you look so bad if you didn’t marry her… And she… well, she’d look like the poor duped woman who only wanted to help and got fucked over by the powerful megastar, instead.” He could hear the bitterness in her tone. Once again, she was trying to rationalize everything, but the disillusionment, the defeat in her voice couldn’t be hidden. Showing one more time how bad of an actress she was.
“Lisa… You have to believe me when I say that I love you. I haven’t told you in a while, because I been trying to respect the boundaries you set, but you know it’s there. I love you so fucking much. And no matter what you said to me, I know you do too. I know it’s still there somewhere. This – this is only going to be temporary.”
“Temporary, how? How long are you planning to stay married to her? Tell me…” She was exhausted. Destroyed. And although her unspoken words spoke volumes, she would not openly talk about what she felt for him. He could not blame her.
“Three years…”
“Three years…” A whisper. “Three fucking years. I see.”
“I wish I could ask you to wait for me.” He knew he had no right to. And yet he did it anyway.
“I wish I could tell you that I’ll wait for you. But I don’t think it would be fair.” Whatever wild emotions had been running through her, Lisa had somehow managed to suffocate them. If they were still there somehow, they were hidden underneath layers and layers of self-control now. Buried by layers and layers of ice.
“What about our baby?” His eyes still closed, Michael felt the tears burning behind his eyelids.
He heard her take a long, shaky breath.
“We have an agreement, remember? That’s our daughter. Yours and mine. That stays that way. It doesn’t change. We are going to co-parent our kid… just like we had initially planned. if you’re still on board, that is.”
“Of course I want to co-parent our baby with you…” And I want you back, he thought. I want these kids to grow up with the both of us. I want to turn back time and make it right. But he bit his tongue before saying it out loud. He couldn’t ask her that. In fact, he couldn’t ask her anything.
Another sigh. “Our baby has nothing to do with this. No matter what kind of relationship you and I have. It’s not her fault, and I am not letting anything get in the way of her well-being. I am sure you won’t either.”
“No… No, I won’t.” He gripped the phone tighter. “What about you and I? The progress we’ve been making…”
“Ah…” Another one of those dry chuckles. “I guess it’s not that important anymore, Michael. Not in the grand scheme of things that our fucking lives seem to be always caught into. How can two people build a relationship if they’re trapped in a fucking harem? Tell me. Do you have a solution for that? Because I don’t. I’m not like this. I don’t know how to handle this. I might be Elvis’ daughter, but I have no idea how to deal with this shit.”
“So we’re back on friendly territory once again…” Oh, he knew they were. It was only fair.
“I honestly can’t imagine us being anything else right now. Let’s just…” She stayed silent for a moment. “Let’s just step back and give each other some space, Michael… some air… This is not working. I mean… it was nice… but it just can’t be. But maybe… hey, maybe that’s just how it was supposed to go all along. We tried.”
His eyes stared into space. Even his tears had dried up, and now only exhaustion remained.
Sheraton-on-the-Park Hotel, Presidential Suite, Sydney – November 15th, 1996
It was a little past midnight, and the only thing he wanted to do was to go to bed and sleep. For a couple of months. To be even more honest, he would sleep even better on a plane from Australia to Los Angeles. Away from the absurdity of all this.
He just stood there, frozen by Debbie’s side, as the functionary spoke. He had no idea of what the man was saying. Out of the corner of his eye, he could spot his best men. His cousin Anthony and Doctor Metzger. Why he had chosen the latter was another mystery of the last few days. The hurricane had struck and had left behind nothing but debris, and Michael was not sure he was among the survivors. He felt strangely detached from himself, incomplete.
Glancing at Debbie, he couldn’t help but notice how giddy and excited she looked. Oh, he bet she did… She was getting exactly what she had wanted all along.
While he, exhausted after his show, nauseous and on the verge of throwing up, couldn’t wait for the civil ceremony to be over. He tried to soothe himself by repeating the same old mantra in his head: he was doing this for the baby. But he hadn’t eaten or slept properly in days, and it was taking a toll on him. He was not feeling well, and his body was communicating what his mind seemingly refused to accept: this would not work. This would be a mess and, at the end of the day, there would be a very high price to pay.
Blinking like a man forced out of darkness all of a sudden, Michael focused on the functionary’s voice for a moment.
“…A wedding is such a wonderful occasion, filled with hopes, dreams and excitement. We are here tonight to celebrate the love that Michael and Deborah have for each other, and to recognize and witness their decision to journey forward in their lives as marriage partners…”
He only rarely had heard so many lies in just a couple of sentences.
“…May your love create a safe haven for you both, on the journey that lies ahead of you. Lead with your hearts and take the time to do the simple things that will nurture your love.”
He wanted to scream. He wanted to leave. Or cry. Needing to calm down, he glanced at Debbie’s prominent baby bump. Deep breath… It’s gonna be over soon. This is only going to be temporary. The functionary – he is paid to say those words. He doesn’t know the truth. Don’t you worry about him. Don’t listen.
And yet he did.
“Deeply listen to each other… to your dreams, and to your frustrations. Be helpmates. Be playful in finding new ways to give your love anew to each other every day.”
Staring into space, Michael remembered how he had felt, exchanging vows with Lisa. He had tried to act all cool and collected, but by watching himself again in the video that had immortalized their wedding, he had seen the excitement and utter thrill in his eyes. He had been so happy. Both he and Lisa were. Nothing had been fake, that day. Rushed, quick, yes… but fake? No. Never. He had wanted to marry her so much. He had loved her so much. He still did.
Having the chance to go back in time now, he’d give her a different marriage. A longer, more pompous and classier one. Just because he knew she would love it. And he would love it too, probably. That was what marriage was supposed to be, in his book. A celebration of love, an inspiration to reach for what was right and honest and clean within oneself. And that day, not even three years earlier, he had felt so much love. He had plenty of love to share with everyone else.
While now… now he only felt emptied and devoid of any emotion. What he was doing now, was the exact opposite of what marriage was supposed to be. This was not about love. Only about business.
All of a sudden, the sanctity of marriage the way he had always considered it just vanished, as if it had never existed. The idea of getting married for those reasons, of tainting himself like that, spoiled whatever consideration and utter respect he had ever felt for the act in itself.
He knew. Michael knew this could be the breaking point for him. He had always taken so much pride in his ability to dream big, to feel wonderment, to believe in magic. But what was magical about what he was doing now? Nothing. How, and when, had he become this guy that he didn’t recognize at all? This guy who allowed cold-hearted business to permeate such intimate levels of his personal life? This guy ready to get married because it was convenient, because it was the easiest way out, because it was exactly what everyone expected him to do? What about what he wanted, felt was right, dreamed for himself? He wanted babies, yes. That was a sacred, unmovable truth. But he did not want Debbie. Not as a partner, not as a lover, and certainly not as a wife. In fact, he had to reestablish boundaries with her even when it came to their level of confidence.
He turned his face and looked at Debbie as if he were observing the whole scene from afar. With the cold, scientific precision of a chemist. This woman who had told the press about their confidential agreement. About something so precious to him, that was worth sacrificing his relationship with someone else. Someone he wanted by his side for real. Not only today, but tomorrow, too. While this other woman sitting next to him, this woman who was supposed to have his back, and now he felt was trying to fuck him over again, was about to share with him one of the holiest bonds ever conceived by humankind. For the sake of business.
Michael felt like throwing up. Suddenly he imagined what being married to Debbie would mean. It didn’t matter if the marriage would never be consummated. He’d have to pretend, lie to himself and everyone else. Possibly, even to his son. How would he ever recover from that? How would they all ever recover from that? Could he really be sure he would come out of this with his spirit still intact? Unscathed? Unscarred?
His gaze moved on the functionary, once again.
“Do you, Michael, take Deborah to be your partner for life? Do you promise to walk by her side forever, and to love, help, and encourage her in all she does? Do you promise to take time to talk with her, to listen to her, and to care for her? Will you share her laughter, and her tears, as her partner, lover, and best friend? Do you take her as your lawfully wedded wife for now and forevermore?”
Silence fell in the room for a short instant that seemed to last forever.
Michael blinked.
“No. No, I don’t. This is a mistake.” The silence became deafening. He thought he heard someone gasp. He didn’t care who it was. He knew what he needed right now. “Everyone… get out, please. Except for Debbie. You stay. We need to talk.”
“You really planned everything to humiliate me publicly, right Michael?” Debbie was still sitting across the table the functionary had been occupying until a few minutes earlier.
His back was turned to her. His face calm, his body finally more relaxed, he poured himself a glass of red wine. He needed some liquid tranquilizer to soothe his rattled nerves. He felt like a soldier who had just dodged a bullet aimed straight at his head.
“How have I humiliated you, exactly? The only people who were here have signed a confidentiality agreement… they won’t say anything. Unlike something else, this is not public.” He turned to face her and leaned against the bar.
“Oh, but it will be… I’ll make sure of it. ‘Cause you see, Mike, I didn’t sign no confidentiality agreement. Which means that I can say whatever I want.” She rose from the chair and walked over to the buffet, taking an hors-d’oeuvre from a silver tray. Apparently, she was not too shocked – she was still hungry. Good for the baby.
“You’ll make sure of it? Like you did a few days ago, when you spoke to the press about the pregnancy?” He tilted his head and sipped his wine. He wasn’t going to let that slide. He still could not believe he had been ambushed that way. And that he had almost done precisely what she wanted him to do. A shiver ran down his spine, and he emptied his glass. Then poured himself some more wine.
She didn’t answer his question, but questioned him instead.
“Did you improvise or you already knew you were going to sabotage our wedding this way?” All the while, she put the savory snack in her mouth and stared straight at him as she chewed.
“Ah, I’m not sure what you mean. I don’t recall any wedding. It’s not that I stuck my finger in the cake or anything.”
She smiled, but it never reached her eyes. Those remained cold, intelligent, detached. Who was this woman? Was it this, the real person behind the friendly, selfless, devoted veneer? Was it this, the woman he had almost chained himself to? He looked at her like he had never done before. All of a sudden, it became very easy to imagine how utterly miserable his life would have been, had he really gotten through with the wedding. A future possibly made of fake photo ops and contrived interviews, and unable to convey the lie in the most appropriate manner – ’cause he was good, but not that good. A future of public appearances where he and Deb would have been forced to appear together. A future where Lisa would have been humiliated beyond belief by the press, and would have looked and perhaps even felt like a paramour, instead of the only woman he really had ever wanted to stay married to.
Just as abruptly, he realized that Debbie would have never gone quietly – ever – no matter their deal. The money would not have been enough. She wanted, and she had always wanted, something he could not give her.
“You know, Michael… I am a patient person. I truly am. I understand that there’s a moment for everything and, most of the times, I consider myself a pretty intuitive woman. Always have been. But I wasn’t expecting Lisa to get pregnant with your child after the divorce. Hell, I was kind of surprised when you told me you guys had been fucking behind my back, while you and I were working on our baby.”
Michael narrowed his eyes. Why was she making it sound like their pact had something to do with a romantic relationship? Fucking behind her back? As if he had been cheating on her or something? He started to realize that he and Debbie had two very different ideas of what their arrangement was.
“Debbie… I thought our deal was crystal-clear. If I said or did anything that might have confused you, I apologize.”
She laughed.
“Don’t do that, Michael. Just don’t. That contrite bullshit doesn’t work with me. You seem to forget that I know you… I have known you for a very long time. Lisa might fall for that, but I don’t.”
He cocked his head once again, this time straightening his stance.
“Then stop pretending you didn’t know what this was all about. Even if you and I had gotten married, it would have been for the sake of appearances. You know that too.”
“It would have been for the sake of your son. But maybe he’s not that important for you, after all…”
He slammed the glass back on the counter and, for a moment, he thought it would shatter in his hand. It didn’t.
“Never – listen to me – don’t you ever say that I don’t care about my children. OK? Don’t you dare imply anything like that, ever again, Deborah. I gave up my marriage for this. Don’t you forget about that.”
“You gave up nothing. You wanted everything, and you have been working to get it for quite some time, now. That’s all. My womb…. and Lisa’s pussy… That’s just how it is, for you. But anyway… backing off, right now, at the last second, was quite ballsy, I’ll give you that. I don’t know if you had the time to think things through, though. But I am sure you’re aware that every action has consequences.”
“Are you threatening me, Deb?” His voice now was very low and very calm. Glancing down at her belly, he felt incredibly connected to the baby she was carrying. As his gaze moved up on her face again, he realized that he was completely disconnected from her.
“No, I would never do anything like that. I was just thinking out loud. About how much you don’t want the press to know about yours and Lisa’s secret. About how you two were fooling around my back as I was already pregnant with your kid… and even worse, how you got me pregnant the first time around, while you were still married to her.” She smiled at him. “That was such a nice fuck, baby… do you remember how amazing that night was?”
Oh yeah. He remembered the amazing lab. The amazing sperm donation. The amazing medical procedure. Something he never wanted the public to know. Because it was his business. Because in a life were everything was exposed, analyzed, dissected, judged and scrutinized, he needed some things to stay private. But at this point, intimidation was something he simply would no longer accept.
And just like that, Michael turned into the shark Debbie had never seen before.
“I need you to stop talking and think about who you are dealing with, Deb. Just think about that for a second. And once you’re done with that, you’re going to accept the agreement as it is. The one you signed and for which you are being rewarded so handsomely. The most recent version of it, remember? The one that very clearly states how our arrangement ends with this baby.”
He moved a step closer to her.
“I know you’re a smart woman and I’m sure you have been thinking about a lot of stuff right now. I can’t do much about anything that’s not included in our agreement. So you do your thing, and I’ll do mine…” He lowered his eyes, then looked up at her again. “But if by any chance you’re thinking about trying to take the baby away from me, I want you to think again. If you’re thinking about blackmailing me, I want you to think again. If you’re thinking about trying to noose me in any way, I want you to think again. OK? Because if you don’t, before you can even blink you’re gonna find yourself buried in so much paper that you’ll start wondering where the whole fucking Amazon Forest has gone.”