Chapter 18 | Red
blood (n.)
Old English blod “blood, fluid which circulates in the arteries and veins,” from Proto-Germanic *blodam “blood” (source also of Old Frisian blod, Old Saxon blôd, Old Norse bloð, Middle Dutch bloet, Dutch bloed, Old High German bluot, German Blut, Gothic bloþ), according to some sources from PIE *bhlo-to-, perhaps meaning “to swell, gush, spurt,” or “that which bursts out” (compare Gothic bloþ “blood,” bloma “flower”), from suffixed form of root *bhel- (3) “to thrive, bloom.” But Boutkan finds no certain IE etymology and assumes a non-IE origin.
Inheritance and relationship senses (also found in Latin sanguis, Greek haima) emerged in English by mid-13c. Meanings “person of one’s family, race, kindred; offspring, one who inherits the blood of another” are late 14c. As the fluid of life (and the presumed seat of the passions), blood has stood for “temper of mind, natural disposition” since c. 1300 and been given many figurative extensions. Slang meaning “hot spark, a man of fire” [Johnson] is from 1560s. Blood pressure attested from 1862. Blood money is from 1530s; originally money paid for causing the death of another.
Blood type is from 1928. That there were different types of human blood was discovered c. 1900 during early experiments in transfusion. To get blood from a stone “do the impossible” is from 1660s. Expression blood is thicker than water attested by 1803, in reference to family ties of those separated by distance. New (or fresh) blood, in reference to new members of an organization or group, especially ones bringing new ideas and fresh vigor or strength, is from 1880.
Hidden Hills, California – Three days later
“Mom! Mom! How long do we have to wait, still? Where’s Michael?”
Lisa pressed her fingertips against her temples, trying to reign over a devastating headache that had been hammering her skull since the very early morning. She took a deep, cleansing breath.
“Ri, he is still on the plane, so I don’t know. Thirty minutes less than the last time you asked me, I guess.”
“But I wanna see the new baby!” Riley almost stomped her feet.
Was she going to have a fit? That would have been so unlike her! Why was she being so uncooperative, this morning? Oh, right. Because she was an eight-year-old kid! While she, Lisa, despite being the only adult in the house, felt more than cranky. And she had no justifications for that.
Or maybe there was at least one motivation: she was pregnant and, today, she felt heavy and unmovable, like a stone. Her body felt as if it was made of lead.
She rotated her head over her shoulders, trying to relax her muscles. Her back, too, was bothering her. But Danny was not around right now, she was home alone with the kids and they all had to get ready for Michael’s return. Which would happen in a few hours, according to the schedule they had reviewed together again and again.
“Well, you’re gonna have to be patient for a little longer. Now… can you please go call Miss Amalia so together you can check on Ben, and make sure he’s done brushing his teeth?” Lisa watched her oldest daughter with pleading eyes. “You gotta help me out today, Riley. You know that. OK? Thank you very much…”
Not entirely convinced, Riley stormed out of the guest room Lisa had been busy in. The room she had already set up for baby Paris and that now, thanks to the help of her staff, had become a double bedroom for not one, but two newborns. As much as Lisa tried her best to keep her mind clear and collected about the whole thing, she could not wait to meet Prince. She and Michael had not been entirely specific about what they were going to do now, but her telling him to please come home with the baby had been so relieving, for him, to be more than enough. At least for now.
Well, she hoped he would like the new interior design, as well…
Lisa and Michael had been in touch constantly during the last two days and a half, since the birth of his son. Of course, Michael had been chomping at the bit non-stop: he wanted to fly back home, and Lisa knew how he hated being forced to stay in a place where he did not want to be. Yet he had tried to be reasonable and calm about the whole matter: on a rational level, he understood that Prince had to undergo a series of standard tests before receiving the all-clear and be allowed to leave the hospital and jump on a Boeing. Plus, she suspected he was trying to regroup after the latest shit Debbie had pulled on him.
When Lisa had realized the scope of what had happened, she had seen red. She was so enraged, she could barely talk. It had been the only moment she had been glad she and Michael were not face to face. And he was so devastated, so utterly defeated by what he had not been able to foresee or avoid, that she had merely opted to focus on his well-being, first. So she had put her fury aside. Telling him what she knew to be true: he had his son to take care of, now. Everything else did not matter that much in the grand scheme of things. And that, as sad as he was for having been robbed of his right of being there for Prince’s birth, Michael could now decide how much he would let Debbie’s actions affect him. Or for how long.
Then, the following night, Lisa and Michael had been able to focus on something else: their Valentine’s Day. Which they were spending apart, on two opposite corners of the country, and against their own will. It had been melancholic, yet sweet. He had showered her with beautiful words of love and she had tried to make him laugh. He had told her to deal with the fact that he planned to have her with him for about fifty more Valentine’s Days at least…
“Fifty?”
“Yeah. At the very least…”
“Gosh, that’s a long-ass time, Michael… I don’t know if I can promise you that.”
“Well, you better sort it out then.”
“…I’m not sure if I love you because you’re the most wonderfully absurd man on the planet or just a nonsensical shithead…”
He had giggled. “Probably both.”
“Yeah, probably… Oh, by the way… Do you know what I got right here?”
…and she had told him that he was missing out some mouthwatering chocolate mousse. He had reminded her that they had been busy in even more entertaining activities in that same kitchen and she had laughed that low, raspy laugh she knew he adored. And then they had flirted for a little while. Heavily.
So, all in all, they were trying to do their best to go through this new little hindrance, keeping their union stable. Their new way to cope with shit. It had been heartwarming and, when they had finally said goodbye, Lisa had missed him more than she ever thought possible. Yeah, she too was growing impatient.
Well, today was the day. Michael would finally come back home. With his baby. It was weird how even the mere memory of Debbie was moving farther and farther away from Lisa’s perception, whenever she thought about Prince. How Prince was starting to feel like an extension of Michael, more than anything else. How easily her heart was opening up to the possibility of just welcoming the baby just like she wanted to greet his father. But again, it made sense after all: Prince was innocent. He had nothing to do with the mess that had preceded his birth. He had not been part of a game, never. Neither he would ever be a regret. He deserved love and affection like any other kid, and all their attention.
Lisa and Michael needed to focus on him… and his soon-to-be-born half-sister.
That was why Lisa hadn’t even thought about telling her very distressed ex-husband and current lover, partner, considerate future parent that, since they had flown back from Memphis, she had been not feeling well at all. In fact, she had felt worse and worse during the past three days.
At first, it was nothing but a backache in her lower back. She had noticed it as she waited for Michael to let her know he had landed in New York safe and sound. The backache had been coming and going, back then, but after a while, it had turned into a constant, dull pain that sliced through her every step she took.
The next day, the cramps had come. In her lower abdomen, as if she were experiencing some sort of pre-menstrual syndrome which, of course, was entirely impossible. And finally, in the last few hours, what she interpreted as flu-like symptoms had started as well. Her head ached, and she felt nauseous.
As she fluffed up a pillow and placed it on the comfy couch in the babies’ room, Lisa fought back another wave of sickness. She felt as if she was sailing helplessly on a boat ravaged by a storm. She needed to sit down. Careful how she moved, she leaned back into the couch and closed her eyes for a moment. Her stomach grumbled, but she was not hungry. In fact, the mere idea of ingesting anything made her feel even worse.
“Mom?”
Ben’s voice startled her. Lisa blinked, then smiled, holding out her hand.
“Hi, baby…”
The kid stepped closer, placing his tiny hand over Lisa’s belly. He stared at it for a minute.
“Is she coming?” His blue eyes looked up at her. Lisa raised her eyebrows, her smile growing larger.
“Not for now, Ben… She still has a little bit to go.”
The answer seemed to appease him. He glanced around the room.
“Why can’t the babies sleep in our room?”
“Because they will wake up at night. They will be hungry and sometimes they will cry. And you and your sister need to rest… That’s why we have this nursery ready for them. So Michael and I can take care of them just like we do when you and Riley have a nightmare, or don’t feel well.” She stroked his hair, then leaned in as much as she could, kissing the top of his head. “Would you want them to sleep in your room?”
Benjamin shrugged his shoulders. “Riley and I want to help. If the babies sleep with us, we can all take turns making sure they are OK.”
“Oh, that’s so sweet. Thank you very much! Well, you know what you can do? You can go ask your sister if she can help you arrange the toys here in the baby’s bedroom. You think you can do that?”
He nodded, his tiny bottom lip sticking out as he stared at her mother, whom he adored with all his heart.
“Alright, then! Go!”
Yeah. Go, Ben. ‘Cause your mom is not going to be able to hide how painful these cramps are much longer, and she definitely needs to go to the restroom.
Lisa kept smiling until Ben disappeared out of the room. Then, with extreme difficulty, she managed to stand up and walked over to the private bathroom in the master bedroom. A strange feeling was crawling its way into her lower abdomen… and her heart. She hoped it was nothing to be worried about.
Sadly, she got worried right away the moment she realized what was probably going on.
Trying hard to stay calm, knowing well that she had to pay attention to any warning sign and that she needed to keep herself in check, Lisa stepped out of the bedroom and sat on the bed. She waited a few seconds, just listening to her own body, then dialed doctor Mcfadden’s number.
She explained the situation and he listened, very carefully. When he heard about the light vaginal bleeding, he told her that he would be waiting for her at the hospital. To leave right away, and to have someone else driving her there. To do her breathing exercises and keep listening to the signals her body was sending her. Messages he believed he had interpreted correctly, given how competent and experienced he was.
His calm, soothing voice managed to comfort and reassure Lisa a little bit. After hanging up the phone with the doctor, she went back to the bathroom, splashed some water on her face and stared at her own face in the reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were huge, and she looked pale. This was not good. Taking a deep breath, she walked over to the bed and sat down again, leaning against the headboard. Then she called Danny.
“Hey, Lise…”
“Hey… Look, how long ‘til you can drive back to Hidden Hills?”
Danny stayed quiet for a moment. Lisa guessed he had sensed something. Yeah, probably her shaky, unsteady voice was kind of a giveaway that not everything was peachy.
“About twenty minutes. What’s wrong?”
She took a deep breath. No need to mince words.
“Well, I think my body might be starting to get ready to deliver the baby…”
“What?! Aren’t you due in about a month or something?”
“In a little more than three weeks, yes. But apparently, this little one is in a hurry. So please, try to keep up with her and meet me here.” She swallowed hard as another wave of nausea assaulted her.
“You want me to drive you to the hospital?”
“No, I need you to please take Ri and Ben and keep them busy without worrying them. So I can leave… The doctor’s waiting for me at the clinic.”
“Who’s gonna drive you there?” Danny paused. “Jackson?”
The unmistakable tone. So very similar to Priscilla’s. Danny loved saying Michael’s name almost as much as he loved biting on rocks.
“Michael’s not here yet. But he’ll be home in a few hours. I’ll let him know where I am, don’t you worry about that… Just, hurry up Danny, OK?” Her voice broke a little.
“OK… OK. You just lie down and try to relax. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
An acoustic signal chimed in.
“Alright… Hey, Dan… I got a call waiting. Maybe it’s doctor Mcfadden. Gotta go.”
“Sure. Wait for me, OK? I’m on my way.”
Lisa released the switch-hook and answered the second call.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Lise! What’s up? I was just at Hayvenhurst visiting my mom and all of a sudden I realized that I haven’t heard from you in about two weeks! So I thought to myself: let me check in on my girl.”
It wasn’t doctor Mcfadden. It was Janet. Lisa leaned back into the pillows and tried to take deep breaths.
“Hey, Jan… I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can talk much right now…”
“What’s going on? You sound breathless. Don’t tell me I am interrupting something…” A pause, then Janet’s whispering voice through the phone. “You aren’t doing the nasty with my bro, are you?”
Lisa chuckled, then winced. “I wish, but no. He’s not here yet. Jan… Look, I can’t stay on the phone, I’m sorry. I gotta go to the hospital.”
“What? Why? Are you sick?”
“Not really…” She took one more deep breath and grimaced again the moment she felt another cramp in her lower belly. “But I think I might be going into preterm labor.”
“Holy shit! Does Michael know? You want me to call him? He’s gonna flip out!”
“No, no, no! Don’t scare him. Maybe it’s nothing. And he’s still so overwhelmed after Prince’s birth… Plus, he hasn’t even landed yet. I’ll call him as soon as I am sure about what’s wrong with me. I got my doctor waiting for me anyway.”
“Hey, I’m coming over right now, OK? I’m not far away, and I think I can be there in ten minutes. I want to go with you. I promise I ain’t gonna call Mike, but I wanna be there. Can I drive you to the hospital? Can we go together?”
Lisa’s head pounded and pounded. She kept her eyes closed as Janet kept talking.
“Sure… OK. Thanks.”
She didn’t have the energy to try to convince her that she shouldn’t be worried. Plus, Janet and her brother had several personality traits in common, and one of them was their sheer stubbornness. So it would have been pointless anyway.
Saint John’s Health Center, Santa Monica – Three hours later
The Labor & Delivery Suite that Doctor Mcfadden had gotten ready for Lisa was wonderful. Warm colors, scent of flowers, reassuring pieces of furniture that made the room look more like a residential environment than a hospital space. But in a hospital she was, anyway. And the fact that a delivery room was ready for her told her that she was, indeed, likely about to give birth to her baby three weeks earlier than expected.
And Michael was not there yet.
Guilt and fear assaulted her suddenly. Missing Prince’s birth had been devastating for Michael, and although Lisa was in no way trying to slow him down just like Debbie had done, she was terrified at the idea of delivering the baby before he could be there. She didn’t want Michael to suffer like that, ever again. Plus, Lisa did want Michael to be by her side during the birth of their daughter. She wanted, and needed, to live the experience with him. So, in the end, baby Paris would have to wait for her dad.
Sitting up in the bed, Janet by her side and still very much miffed she could not inform her brother about what was going on, Lisa had been waiting for the results of her blood test for over an hour now. As she asked Janet, for the tenth time, to give her the time to fully understand what was going on before calling Michael, Doctor Harlan Mcfadden finally opened the door and stepped in, his reading glasses low on his nose, checking Lisa’s medical record and sporting a small smile on his face. Which had to be a good thing… right?
“Lisa… How are you feeling now? A bit better?” He walked over to her and checked her IV after turning to Janet for a moment and acknowledging her presence with a small nod. Doctor Harlan was as unimpressed by fame as humanly possible.
“Much better, doctor… thank you… Can I go back home?”
The old doctor turned to look at her, his eyes playful. He cocked his head.
“Oh, you will. After your baby is born.”
Lisa let out a sigh.
“Doc, maybe it was just a temporary thing… I mean, it happened with Ben, too, remember? And then he waited two more full weeks…”
“Yes, I do remember. But this is different, Lisa. I have the results of your blood test and they’re very clear. Your blood pressure is quite high, higher than it usually is, which would be enough to keep you here anyway. But even more importantly… did you know that you have a blood clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden?”
“What?” Lisa frowned.
The doctor removed his glasses and calmly placed them into the pocket of his white coat.
“It’s probably one of the most common rare diseases… And we didn’t notice before because it wasn’t causing much trouble. Plus, it didn’t manifest itself during your other pregnancies… So there were no reasons for us to look for it.” He gave her a fatherly look. “ As many as 3-8 percent of all people who have European roots carry the gene mutation. In fact, FVL is the most common inherited blood clotting disorder, and it’s also known as thrombophilia.”
“Does that mean that my baby is gonna have it too?” Lisa was not thinking about herself at all.
Doctor Mcfadden kept his face plain.
“Yes, there is indeed a 50% chance that you can pass on the gene to the baby… But that means that there’s also a 50% chance that you don’t. Plus, this condition is extremely rare in African-Americans, so it’s highly unlikely that Michael has it, too. Anyway, the situation right now is that your blood has a tendency to form abnormal blood clots that can block your blood vessels. Pregnancy is a risk factor, too, and that’s why you can’t go back home right now.”
“So… was I feeling sick because of this disease?”
“You were… You are feeling sick because your condition, and possibly other factors such as stress and fatigue, managed to speed up your labor.” He stared at her, trying to be very clear. “You have to understand that there is no way this baby is going to be waiting another three weeks, Lisa. She’s going to be born in a few hours, a day maximum. If we can manage to slow down the labor, that is.”
“But… We gotta wait, doc. We have to. We gotta wait for Michael…” Lisa was starting to get agitated. Instinctively, Janet reached out and grabbed her hand.
“I know. I know you want him to be here. Well, you’re having your treatment regardless, but… How long do you think it is going to take for Michael to arrive?”
Lisa turned to look at Janet. She needed reassurance.
“Not much. I’m sure he’s on his way… He might even have landed at this point… Jan…”
Janet was worried, but knew what she had to do.
“Yeah. We need to call him now. I got this. Give me your phone, Lisa. You know how Mike is… If he sees you’re calling him, he’s gonna pick up for sure.”
“In my purse…”
Yeah. But in the other one, not the one she had brought with her. Lisa’s phone was in the purse at Hidden Hill, on the small sofa in the foyer, where she had forgotten it.
About fifteen seconds later, Janet was out of the hospital. In thirty, she was speeding off toward Hidden Hills. She asked her driver to go as fast as he could and, all the while, she tried to call her brother with her own phone. The first two calls went unanswered, the voicemail kicking in after about four of five rings. Michael didn’t want to be bothered, which was no news, and Janet rolled her eyes, dialing his number once again. This time, his phone kept ringing and finally, miraculously, he picked up. She almost jumped from her seat.
“Janet… I can’t right now. I got stuff to do. I just got home and I’m trying to find Lisa…” He sounded annoyed. “Where the heck is she…”
“Well, then you better zip it and listen to me for once, Mike. I was with her one minute ago – she’s at the John’s Health Center, and you gotta go there, too, OK?”
“What?! At the hospital? Is she OK? I tried to call her, but it kept going to voicemail! Is she OK?”
“Calm down! It went to voicemail because she forgot her phone in the foyer. I was just driving back to retrieve it…”
“No need, I got it…” Michael was already breathless. He no longer sounded annoyed. He was starting to sound frantic. “What the fuck is going on, Janet? Why is Lisa at the hospital? Is the baby OK?”
“She got into labor, Mike… you gotta go there immediately…”
She heard him slam the door shut and his uneven breathing as he ran back to the car. Then his muffled voice as he told the driver where he needed to go, and fast. Finally, the car door closing and an eerie silence again.
“She’s not supposed to be going into labor right now…” His voice sounded a bit choppy. As if he could not catch his breath. “It’s way too early.”
“I know. She’s hanging on, though. She’s waiting for you… Because Mike, she’s gonna have to deliver that baby, and there’s not much they can do to slow her down. So please hurry up for heaven’s sake!”
“Holy fuck…” At this point, it was pretty clear that her brother was getting in full-on panic mode. “What happened? What caused the labor? How did it happen? I heard from her last night and she was perfectly fine!”
“No, she was not. She hasn’t been feeling well for a couple of days at least, as far as she told me… Anyway, I’m no doctor, Michael, and I don’t wanna talk much about this over the phone. The doctor mentioned some sort of blood problem… or something. But I can’t really focus right now”.
“Shit! Why didn’t she tell me anything?”
“Because you just had a baby?” Janet paused, biting her lips. “…And from another woman, of all things.” She just could not help herself. She still had not fully metabolized what had happened with Debbie. And she had been very clear about her dislike of both the lady and her brother’s decision of allowing her to meddle… especially while he was still married to Lisa.
Michael felt the jab, and when he replied, his voice sounded dry, very cold. “Look, I know how you feel about that. Just don’t rub it on my face for the umpteenth time. Especially not right now. If Lisa can let it go, so can you.”
“Hey. Fine, but let me make this clear. I ain’t got nothing against your kid, OK? What responsibility does he have? By the way, is he there with you?”
“Where else should he be, in your opinion?” Michael was still acting defensively. “I’m gonna take him with me… to the hospital. So he can be under my supervision.”
“Ah, I don’t think that’s a great idea. You’re gonna have to focus on your other baby, right? And your wife… well, ex-wife… or whatever you call her now. Look, why don’t you let mother take care of him until your daughter is born and Lisa is better?” Janet sighed. “Michael, don’t overwhelm her. I mean, I know you’re gonna do what you think is right, but still…”
He didn’t reply.
“Mother’s at home. I know you trust her. If you want, we can meet half-way, around Sherman Oaks. I can take Prince, and bring him to Encino with me. Or you want me to go back to the hospital and wait for you?”
Michael took a deep breath. Yes, he trusted his mother and he knew Prince would be safe with her. Plus, not only the baby was in the Suburban with him, but also a professional nurse he had hired in New York. And yet his controlling nature did not allow him to leave his son with Janet. Michael loved his sister, but he was not sure she would know what to do. No, he needed to do this alone. God! He hated feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place!
“No, it’s fine, Dunk, I got this… I mean, I can call you back as soon as I get to the hospital, after I drop Prince and his nurse off at mother’s… Unless, you know…” His defensive mode melted, recognizing Janet’s willingness to help. “Unless I get to miss the birth of this baby, too. In that case, I don’t think I’ll be in the mood for talking.”
“You ain’t gonna miss anything, Mike. Lisa was fine when I left her, ten minutes ago. I don’t think things can change that much in another… hour or so…” Or so she hoped. Janet winced. “You know her. She’s stubborn. She’s strong. She said she wanted you to be there, and she’s going to do her best to hold your daughter back until you are right by her side. OK? Try not to get too worked up… She needs you.”
She was not sure she was talking to him or to herself because, in all honesty, she suddenly felt as if she was going to puke. The barrage of emotions shackling her to the vertigo of not really knowing what was going to happen. Fear for her friend, concern for her brother.
But no. Something so unfortunate like missing the birth of your child could not happen twice in a row. Right? Not a chance in the world. She needed to have faith. And he did, too.
A little more than one hour later, when Michael finally stormed into Lisa’s room, she was sweating profusely and her face was flushed, contorted in agony. And yet, the moment she saw him, her features distended in the most beautiful, relieved smile. An invisible weight inside Michael’s heart just dropped, disappearing into the unknown surrounding him, and he realized that he could breathe again. He had made it. He could be there for his baby… and for his woman. He was exactly where he needed to be. In the nick of time, but he had made it.
“There you are…! Good God! Took you long enough… Fuck. Oh, hell, it hurts. Come here, gimme your hand… I think I need to let her out…”
In a daze, in a state of complete, stunned confusion, Michael walked over to the bed and she immediately grabbed his sleeve. Then her hand slid down, finding him, their fingers interlacing. Her skin was clammy, boiling hot. Without really feeling his own body, as if he was undergoing some sort of extra-corporeal experience, Michael wrapped his other arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. All the while ignoring how strong her grip on his hand was.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry. I came as fast as I could… I am so sorry, baby.”
“It’s OK… Don’t distract me, Mike… I must do this… She has to get out…” Lisa let out a moan and winced. Her long eyelashes were damp. At the foot of the bed, Doctor Mcfadden looked up from his glasses and glanced at Michael. His eyes were very calm.
“Hello, Michael. I’m glad you’re finally here. This little one doesn’t seem in the mood for waiting much longer.”
Michael let out a breathless chuckle as Lisa started pushing again. She was in pain. In so much pain. It was much harder this time around than during her two previous pregnancies. It was some physical suffering she had never experienced before. She gripped Michael’s hand tighter. His mere presence managed to make everything more bearable. With him by her side, she felt she could do anything right now. However, she had been able to stare at him for a moment, through the fog of the thumping, stabbing pangs in her abdomen and legs, and she had noticed how pale and distressed he looked. She was so sorry she had worried him. And so happy he was back.
“C’mon Lise… You can do this… I love you so much…”
“Oh shit… Motherfucker. Not you… the pain. I love you… And I missed you so much… Where’s baby Prince?”
His chuckle mixed with a stifled sob. How did she always manage to accomplish that? To create such a barrage of different, often contrasting emotions? That was why sometimes he almost dreaded her. She could confuse him so much. And yet, at times like this, it was the most beautiful feeling imaginable.
“At my mother’s. Don’t worry about that right now, OK? Just keep doing what you gotta do. You got this…”
“I’m sorry, Mike… I am so sorry I couldn’t avoid this… So sorry I couldn’t hold her back…” She glanced up at him, her eyes now huge and sorrowful. They spoke volumes. She was terrified of having let him down. Just like she thought she had done during their marriage… when she could not become pregnant, no matter how hard she tried. And Michael realized, it probably was because even back then something in her body was just not functioning as it should have. Something in her blood. He had never really told her that she had disappointed him. But that was how he had felt. And she knew it. She could read his eyes so well.
“Lisa, why don’t you just say it on my face?”
“What the hell are you talking about, now? Say to your face, what?”
“That you are purposefully trying not to have my kids… what else?” His words were certainly venomous, but his voice stayed very calm, controlled.
She had stared at him as if she had never seen him before. As if all of a sudden she had no idea who her husband was any longer.
“Are you out of your fucking mind, Michael?”
“I don’t think I am, no. Have you been trying to avoid getting pregnant, Lisa Marie?” He had stared at her, coldly.
Stunned, she had blinked, her irises revealing the hurt and the insult his words held. And he had chosen to interpret her look in a different way. Through the dusty, dirty, poisonous lenses he had been wearing at that very moment, her reaction was a confirmation of his own doubts, of his own frustrations, of his own fears and insecurities. It nurtured them, fueled them.
“You aren’t even worth an answer…” She had winced.
“Or maybe you aren’t even worth the question. Not responding is a response.”
“You know what… Get out, Michael… Get the fuck out! Leave me the fuck alone, you asshole!”
And he had done just that. He had left, and he hadn’t gone back home for two days.
During the darkest moments of their relationship, and even when they had started their divorce proceedings, he had convinced himself that she had never wanted to have his babies. Not even when he had thought they were actively trying to conceive. Now he knew, it was not true. He remembered having read something about blood clotting disorders, once. He knew they could cause pregnancy complications… and fertility problems. And just like that, her sorrow became his. So much miscommunication, so many doubts, so many fears. The more you loved someone, the easier it was for them to slip through your fingers.
He kissed her forehead. His lips lingering there. His eyes burning.
“Are you kidding me? You got nothing to be sorry about. I am so proud of you… You’re doing great, baby… Just… Just push, Lise. And breathe… I’m here… I ain’t going anywhere… I swear, I’m here with you.”
“Lisa Marie… In a little while we’ll be starting to see the top of her head.” Doctor Mcfadden’s intelligent eyes traveled up to her once again. “I guess we can speed this up, now, so you can have your heparin, OK?”
Michael scrunched his eyebrows.
“What do you mean? We can’t she have it now? She’s in pain! Can’t she just have a C-section? She is exhausted!”
“She’s exhausted and in pain because she’s giving birth to her baby, Michael. Heparin has to be out of her system for now… And no, she can’t have a C-section… it’s unsafe, given her condition, because it raises the risk of postpartum blood clots, and we don’t want that, right? But don’t worry, it’s gonna be over soon…” He turned to Lisa. “Lisa Marie, you gotta push now, dear.”
And she did. She pushed, again and again. Swearing and cursing like a sailor, like she had never done before – which was quite a feat, considering how foul-mouthed she could be. Thinking that her body would split in two, that she was going to die, and granting life instead.
The following hour was one of the most thrilling and heart-stopping Michael had ever experienced in his life. When Paris gave her first cry, tears started streaming down his face. The doctor asked him if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord and he did, with trembling hands, feeling ecstatic, humbled and terrified, all at once. Then after a few minutes, as the nurses placed the baby on Lisa’s abdomen and dried her off, Lisa finally looked up at him with those sparkling blue-green eyes that seemed to come directly from the depth of the ocean. Her fear seemed to be gone. She knew their baby was safe.
His vision still clouded by tears, Michael kept one hand on her head, stroking her sweaty hair, and bent over, kissing her lips over and over again.
“I love you… I love you so much, baby…” It was the only thing he could bring himself to say.
Once Paris was covered with a warm towel, Michael’s and Lisa’s fingers interlaced on her tiny back, rubbing it gently. The baby was very alert and still quite thin, and although she moved pretty vigorously, her tiny hands grasping their fingers, it became pretty apparent that she was not quite ready to feed by herself, yet. She was so, so beautiful. Sporting her mom’s eyes and what looked like Michael’s mouth. Of course, it was way too early to tell, but those little details were already so clear in his mind.
And his soul. Oh, his soul had never felt like that before.
There were so many things Michael wanted to say to Lisa. So many things he felt. So many emotions that were new and ancient at the same time, and countless sudden epiphanies, but he just could not find the words and just stayed frozen in stunned silence, his eyes moving from the woman he loved to the baby they now shared. Their eternal bond – together with their love. His heart threatened to burst in his chest.
This was what he had been waiting for, for his entire life. This feeling right here. The depth of his sensations choking him, drowning him, pulling him under and yet breathing him back to life. His body suddenly heavy, Michael finally allowed himself to sit down in the chair next to Lisa’s bed, and they just stayed like that for a few minutes, until Doctor Mcfadden told them that Paris needed to undergo a thorough examination to confirm her gestational age and identify any potential problems, although her Apgar score had provided a total of eight, which was more than reassuring.
“Paris is a near-term baby, and she is less likely to have severe breathing problems, but she is still at risk when it comes to blood sugar levels, blood pressure and infections… And that’s why we’re going to keep her in our Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for a few days… OK? Just to make sure she’s as healthy as she appears to be…”
As Doctor Mcfadden spoke in his usual calm, reassuring tone, Lisa half-heartedly let a nurse take the baby from her. Michel kept his hand on Paris’ back as long as he could, swallowing hard. His eyes moved back to the doctor, now checking on Lisa.
“On the other hand, Lisa Marie, you are showing some worrisome symptoms… you bled a lot during the delivery, and I want to make sure none of that blood has pooled inside your uterus or is forming clots. In the next twenty-four hours your blood flow will be at its highest, and I expect you to pass one or more large clots. That means that you, too, will have to stay here for a few days for observation. And to see how your body reacts to anticoagulants. Alright?”
She indeed was still bleeding, and looked very, very pale. And very weak. She nodded her head, mechanically, her eyelids lowering. Michael kissed her temple, then turned to the doctor.
“I wanna stay here with her… and our baby. I am not leaving.”
Her eyes now closed, Lisa let her hand slide on the sheet until it found his. She held onto his fingers for a few seconds, then her grip loosened.