The Sacred and The Profane – A Christmas Oneshot
At times humans reveal themselves in situations that appear to be of a different quality than ordinary ones. The latter form the basis for comparison either as the sum of their normal behavior or as a social cross section. For the moment, comparisons demonstrating the specific differences between a possibly sacred condition and a profane one, or showing social appraisal of a specific human type as sacred in contrast to the profane average person, are best relegated to categories of a historical anthropology, for as yet no historical psychology exists that might penetrate still further. A culture may choose to identify any number of unusual individual conditions or situations as sacred or profane. The most important of these warrant closer examination.
Sex, especially female sexuality, is considered sacred. It stands as the positive condition contrary to both infertility and asexuality. Sexuality, especially active sex, is also held to be the contrary of asexuality, the profane sign either of the normal condition of both sexes as the result of danger, cold, or constant labor, or of the lesser capacity for frequent orgasm on the part of the male.
The importance in archaic societies of dominant goddesses, especially mother goddesses, is solely dependent on the sacredness of their sexuality and is not a result of their given character as either the otherworldly representatives of matriarchal societies or the polar referents in patriarchal ones. From the role of a great goddess alone it is impossible to draw any conclusions about a given social order. Such goddesses are frequently of a dual nature, both helpful and cruel, both givers and destroyers of life, and this ambiguity is altogether a part of their sacredness.
Asceticism is not the profanation of sexuality but rather a transcendence over the normal human condition into a perfection that lies in the opposite direction. The ascetic practices self-denial with regard to all aspects of life, including eating and drinking. In suppressing his sexuality, he is to a certain extent both acknowledging its sacred dimension and claiming that sacredness for himself.
Tokyo, December 1992
— Michael —
“Hey… why don’t you come over?” I paused, feeling like I had forgotten something important. Oh, right! “With the babies, of course. I mean – take some time for yourself. Away from home for a bit. It’ll make it all better. What you think?”
From the other corner of the world, I heard Lisa’s unmistakable laugh. “That’s some funny shit.”
“Why? I’m serious.”
“Michael… aren’t you on tour?”
“Well… yeah.”
“In Japan…”
“Yeah. So?”
“Don’t you think it isn’t exactly like – I don’t know… coming over for a coffee? You’re in another frigging continent!”
My eyebrows sprung up as I relaxed on the king-size bed of my suite. My back was bothering me again. Sometimes, Lisa’s way of thinking was frankly hard to grasp. Why did she see problems where there wasn’t any?
“I don’t get the sarcasm. We have airplanes, don’t we?”
“Right…” That low laugh again. “You know what I like about you, Michael?”
“What?” I grinned. I sure knew what I liked about her. A lot of things…
“How you make everything sound easy. Like nothing is impossible.”
“Because that’s exactly the way it is. And with our means… Lisa, I don’t see why you should stay there all alone if you don’t want to, when I’m offering you to… ah… I don’t know, to be here with me for Christmas? We could visit Disneyland Tokyo together.”
“I wouldn’t be alone. The babies are with me.”
“That’s why I’m telling you they are welcome, too.”
Her sudden silence told me that she was now considering my offer and the idea that she could really be there with me created some internal havoc that I was quick to hide. It was easy, over the phone, to keep sounding like the easygoing, casual friend I always had been to her. For a few years now I had been just that, and mostly undetected by the press. The paps seemed to have only a vague inkling of my friendship with Lisa Marie and, on a couple of occasions, they had written about us. But it looked like nobody had paid attention. Which sure worked for us. She hated being in the spotlight, and I… well, me, I liked to keep some things about my life private.
“So? Will you think about it?”
It was nothing but a gentle prodding, really. But I knew she needed some time off. Away from home. If anything, Benjamin’s birth had pushed her marriage even deeper in the craphole. Not a nice place to be. And Lisa… well, she was hurting. I was aware of that because lately our conversations had become more frequent and intense and, after a while, she had opened up. Telling me that she would have never imagined she could be so relieved to be finally talking about how she felt without fear of the consequences. I was that friend to her because I was not part of her “circle.” I was an outsider – and a privileged ear. She was safe with me, I had her back. I was there for her. And she was there for me.
However, right now I knew that intercontinental phone calls could only do so much. I wanted to see her, and I could not go back home anytime soon. I had concerts planned up until Christmas Eve. And Christmas – which I actually didn’t celebrate – I would spend alone anyway. So would she, since her husband had left -again – after one of their fights. So, why not?
“When would you want me there?”
I smiled, broadly. “You can be here in less than twenty-four hours if you want.”
It was nice to notice that I could make her laugh. I had missed that. She had sounded so sad, lately.
“Lunatic. I would need to arrange a few things first.”
“Then do it! I got three shows before Christmas. Come. I promise they won’t be boring. I’ll make sure of that.”
“Oh, I know that. Besides, I’ve never seen a Michael Friggin’ Jackson concert, so…”
“Deal?”
“…Deal.”
And that was the best Christmas present I could ever imagine at that time.
Each Christmas had brought something, when it came to Lisa and me. Since four years earlier, when we had met again at John’s wedding. It had been unexpected and, at first, she had told me she did not remember me at all. She did know who I was, of course, but she had no idea we had actually already met when we were little. I did remember – because obviously I was a bit older back then. I recalled her father, visiting my brothers and me after one of our shows. And I remembered her. She was this beautiful blond little girl, very shy, hiding behind her dad’s legs. What I also recalled was how sweet and gentle Elvis was with her. How clear it was that they adored each other. When he died, my first thought was for Lisa. I could only imagine the depth of her pain.
Meeting her again at John’s wedding had been the beginning of our friendship. Well, sort of – with all the gazillions of limitations that come for those who live a very particular life, just like we did. Me especially, to be honest, because Lisa was out of the spotlight and was not planning to attract any attention. Her mother had kept her quite sheltered from the public since Elvis’ passing, but of course, tabloids were still interested in his only child. Especially when she got married to that Keough. A real surprise.
The news had been a cold shower for me, too. I was touring, in October 1988, when someone told me about that “unexpected, surprising” wedding. At that time, Lisa and I had sometimes spoken over the phone, but we were not close. Just cordial. As a matter of fact, I would have loved to get to know her better, but back then it was just impossible. I was way too busy with my tour. Me being John’s best man had been an extraordinary event, a quick touch and go before I went back to rehearsals in Pensacola. From that moment on, everything had become the usual whirlwind, and I had totally lost track of time. Of things. People. Events. Stuff…
Meanwhile, Lisa had picked Danny and had become a married woman. Well… a married girl, since she was still so young. I called her on Christmas to congratulate her, that year, although the whole thing felt somehow hurried and forced to me, and she told me that she was pregnant. Another stunning surprise leaving a weird taste in my mouth.
Danielle was born the following May and I called Lisa again, then I sent her flowers. She called me back, and that was when we started to really become acquainted with one another and talk more often.
During the summer I invited her, her husband and the baby to Neverland. Lisa showed up with Danielle, but no Danny in sight. Well… it sure worked for me. Lisa and I spent a couple of lovely days at the ranch, just relaxing before I left again to take care of business and she went back home.
Later that year, on Christmas, I sent Lisa a card and, of course, Danielle got a present as well. Since it was apparent that Danny was not interested in meeting me at all, he got a big fat zero. Lisa called me the next day, laughing like crazy, telling me that her husband was miffed. Could I have cared less? As far as I was concerned, he could take a long walk off the shortest pier he could find. So I invited Lisa and her baby over to Neverland again. She said Danny was not too fond of our friendship… and then that she would be there in a day or two. Ha! It had been a nice feeling. And, once again, Lisa had granted me a peaceful few days spent together… as friends.
The following year she was on vacation, so our Christmas moment basically consisted of a quick phone call. But not quick enough for her to not tell me that she was in Hawaii with Danny because she hoped some time away from home could get her marriage back on track. Things were not all roses and sunshine in Keoughland apparently. I wish I could say I was surprised, only I was not. It was clear to me that Lisa needed someone different. Certainly not Danny.
And then, last year, she told me that they were going to give it another try. One last chance. She was once again talking about her marriage. I knew she harbored hope for things to finally steer in the right direction, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I did not believe for a second she and Danny could ever be fixed. The fact that I was starting to have feelings for her mattered only partly, plus I had never told her. She was married, after all, and I respected that.
The truth was that Lisa wanted to keep trying because she loved having a family, and she loved being a wife. Sadly, it seemed hard for her to accept that being a wife didn’t necessarily mean being married to that guy. He depended on her entirely, on so many different levels, and she felt the burden of it. It was the most significant responsibility – I could understand her just fine in that department. My guess? She needed a man capable of making her feel all woman, to free her completely, in the most beautiful sense she could fathom.
Anyway, from that moment on she and I had become even more close. Even when she had gotten pregnant again, with Benjamin. But we had not seen each other for quite some time… until last November. When basically I bumped into her at Brett’s.
She had blown me away. And the connection we found was… different than anything we had ever experienced, over the phone or otherwise. We just clicked, even more so than in the past. She had seemed sadder and liberated at the same time, somehow. It was… bizarre.
That night, we spent hours together and when she said goodnight, I walked her to her car. I was under the impression that she didn’t want to go back home but that she needed to. Because of the kids. Which was more than understandable. Anyway, for the first time I had to hold myself back – from kissing her. And for a moment she, too, had seemed to be sending signals that were anything but friendly. It was like she was looking at me in a different way. Like she was sort of seeing me in a way she had never seen me before. So yeah, it almost happened. But it didn’t, and she kissed my cheek before driving off. Leaving me empty and cold in a strange, new way.
Right now, the idea of having her with me in Japan, away from everything and everyone was thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Of course, we never spoke again of what almost happened that night at Brett’s. So maybe, for Lisa it was nothing but temporary insanity. I wish I could say it was the same for me, but I am not so sure.
I felt a bit fidgety, but a smooth calmness washed over me the moment the door opened and she appeared in front of me. I had not seen her in about a month and she looked so different! In great shape. Happier. Relaxed. Dare I say… relieved?
My heart felt as if I had not seen her in forever and I smiled. Lisa smiled back at me and before I could even open my mouth, she was in my arms, hugging me tightly.
Well, great! I closed my arms around her and held her close, breathing her in, as a strange feeling assaulted me. There was something about her scent. Something familiar, although I could not really pinpoint what it was. I was used to traveling all over the world, feeling comfortable and yet out of place everywhere, and now all of a sudden I felt… home. She had brought a piece of home over to Japan, to me. And although Christmas didn’t mean much to me, I was glad I was not going to spend it alone this year.
“Hey… welcome…”
She pulled back slightly and rested her hands on my arms, then looked up at me. Her eyes were blue and mysterious. I was not able to understand if it was their shape, their color, or simply the way she used them to communicate. Narrowing them at times, or turning them into deep stars able to pull me in, into that enigmatic blue. Anyway, they were always, always stunning. Just like now. I realized I could lose myself in those eyes, and she had been in front of me for like three minutes. This was so not good!
“Thank you for inviting me. I thought it was bullshit, but no. You were right. Hi, Michael.”
“Hi, Lisa Marie.”
“Wanna come in?”
“Sure…”
She stepped back, and I immediately missed our physical proximity. But then she smiled at me again as I entered the suite and I knew she really was happy to be there. It was about midnight, and the first thing she did was showing me the babies, who were asleep in one of the bedrooms. The babysitter was there too, just in case, to help Lisa out. It was the first time I saw Benjamin, and I quietly stared down at him. Once again, a strange feeling touched my soul, but I cannot say I know what it was all about. There was just something so right in watching Lisa kissing her baby’s head, gently brushing his cheek, and then looking up at me again with eyes that were proud and serene at the same time.
“He’s a beautiful baby…”
“Yes… yes, he is.” She scrunched her forehead, and it seemed to me that a sad thought crossed her mind. But she didn’t say anything. She just smiled at the babysitter and then touched my hand slightly, silently inviting me to follow her in the next suite, the one that she would occupy for the night. I did, and we went to the living room, observing the superb skyscraper view from the broad, minimalist windows.
“It’s funny, you know?”
Lisa walked over to me with a glass of white wine, handing it to me. I noticed she had opted for some sparkling water.
“What’s funny?” Standing by my side, she too seemed lost in thought while watching the cityscape.
I just shrugged. “For the past three years, I’ve always been at home but I was never able to see you on Christmas Day. And now here you are. In Tokyo.”
“Yeah. I really must be desperate.”
Cocking my head to a side, I turned to her and scanned her face. There it was again. That remote gaze.
“Are you?”
She didn’t reply, but then smiled at me her eyes sparkled. I was not sure, but she was probably trying to keep a couple of tears at bay.
“Well, right now I am just happy to be finally able to talk to you in person.” Her gaze dropped. “I loved talking over the phone with you.”
“I loved it too… But I like having you here better.” I stepped closer to her and she felt forced to look up at me again. “Now, if only you could tell me what the heck is going on… It would make it perfect.”
Lisa laughed, but it sounded a bit forced. “I love how prim and proper you always sound, Michael. You are such a gentleman. But there’s no need to sugarcoat the truth. My life is fucked up and you got no idea how much. In fact, I wonder if me being here is the right thing. I don’t wanna mess up your life as well.”
“What are you talking about?” I seriously had no idea what her problem was. She was with me now. And for a few days at least, whatever problem she had at home could be put aside. Seize the moment. Besides…
“Lisa, you don’t mess up my life at all. If anything… you make it better. I…” How could I express what I felt? “I cherish our friendship so much.”
Lame… and inaccurate.
She seemed to study me for a moment and I could not make out her thoughts. Then she sighed.
“I do too.”
“Well then… Come.” I took her hand, and guided her over to the couch. “Sit. And tell me what’s wrong. I ain’t gonna go to sleep anytime soon, so we got all the time in the world.”
All the time in the world. A sacred time and the very first time we could be alone in what felt like centuries. I sat across the small coffee table, making myself comfortable in one of the ottomans. She started to talk, and I listened. I listened very, very well.
— Lisa —
Having him so close felt so different from everything he and I had ever experienced in the past. Even when I was at Neverland with him, it was just… not the same thing. I didn’t know if it was because we were across the world and, maybe irrationally, we clung to one another because we were the only familiar presence we could count on. After all, if there was someone used to spend every night in a different place, that was Michael. He had always seemed very much at ease traveling, he didn’t mind being away from home for months on end. That was how he had been raised, that was the only life he knew.
I was different. I needed stability. Our concepts of security were obviously quite divergent.
Yes, he had told me that he was not too fond of touring and this time especially, it all felt like a burden of some sort for him. He told me that he was way happier during the Bad Tour, four years earlier. I remember asking him why he was saying that, and he replied that he was just tired. That he wanted to settle down a bit. Unwind. That he needed to rest, but wanted to raise funds for his charity and that was the reason for the concerts. Which was endearing… to say the least.
So maybe that explained why he seemed so utterly happy to see me. I was about ten years younger than him and yet I felt as if I was the most boring person on the planet. What could I possibly offer him if not some convenient routine? Married, with two kids, busy trying to keep the shambles of my relationship together. Why did he look like he enjoyed having me around? Like I was something special?
And even more importantly: why had he looked like he was about to kiss me, a few weeks earlier, at Brett’s? When he had turned from the playful, dorky guy into that seductive stranger I only had bland glimpses of, up until that point. The realization had been troubling that night. Troubling and… exciting. Not only realizing that he seemed to want just that, but that I wanted the same thing. That was why I ran away. Speeding off with my car, leaving Michael on the sidewalk, alone. My stomach was in knots and my skin tingled. And he hadn’t even touched me.
He had not touched me and I was burning.
There was just something about Michael that I had never found in anyone else before. Him being so unlike anything the media described him to be was only part of the equation. Yes, he was pretty shy, and yes, he could be childlike when he wanted to. But he was also all man in a way that was unique and tantalizing. He didn’t boast. He didn’t raise his voice. He was strong and self-confident, charming, creative. He knew what he wanted and how to obtain it, but there was also a gentleness about him. An innocence, as if the ruthless industry he worked in had not been able to deprive him of his purity. Of that humanity.
When he had offered me to spend Christmas in Tokyo with him, I had laughed at first. Because it seemed crazy, really. Packing up my babies and leaving for another continent after the umpteenth fight with my husband, after watching him leave and go to his best friend’s place again, because whatever we thought we had wasn’t there anymore and maybe it had never even been there to begin with. And me, instead of staying home waiting for Danny, like the good wife everyone expected me to be, I was going to leave and take an airplane to be with the biggest star on the planet, and not because Michael was famous, but because he was my friend. And because a part of me was starting to see him as something different than that. I wanted to be with him – not Danny.
I was so fucked up. I was a mess.
The truth was, I needed to see him. I wanted to once again find that peace we shared in our occasional moments together. Be it in Tokyo or on Mars, at that point it didn’t matter.
And so, when Michael asked me, point-blank, what was ailing me, I told him. I told him everything. Because trusting him was becoming the most natural thing in the world.
— Michael —
Later that night, I found myself unable to fall asleep. Which wasn’t breaking news, really, but at the same time it totally made sense this time.
Lisa was not in love with Danny any longer. She had told me. She had said to me she loved him as a friend, and that he was a good father, but that as far as romantic love was concerned, he just was not that man. And maybe he never had been.
Which meant that she was still married, but her heart was free.
The pain had set Lisa’s heart free. The sacred bond of marriage could not fix a feeling that was not there and sometimes, the best thing you could do was allow yourself to feel something as profane as the need to move on and do what you wanted.
She and Danny would fight all the time. She would cry a lot and she felt very lonely. They had hoped Ben could fix things, but they had only gotten worse since his birth. They barely talked anymore. If they did, their convos were cranky and uneasy. And he would often flip out and get mad at her, yell. That last part didn’t fly well with me. I asked her if she was afraid of him and she quickly said no, that she trusted him. I believed her. And yet they could not be in the same room together.
Lisa looked troubled, and I promised her I would make her forget all about Danny for a few days. I told her that, as long as she was there with me, everything would be fine. My words seemed able to relax her and, after a bit, her eyelids got heavier and heavier. She was so tired after her long flight. She fell asleep while still talking and I took a minute to just look at her, all curled up like a little ball on the couch. A little girl, lost and forlorn, and a stunning, sexy young woman at the same time. And my heart was calling out to her.
I got up from the ottoman and searched around for a blanket. Then I gently tucked her in as best as I could. I really didn’t want her to sleep on the couch, but I was not sure me scooping her up and bringing her to bed was the right thing to do. We were close, but not that close. Besides, I was kinda trying to avoid too much physical contact. I didn’t want her to think I had wanted her here because I was planning on doing her. I didn’t want her to think I was some kind of dog. Although the idea of getting up-close and personal with Lisa was more than desirable, possibly the last thing she needed was a man she considered a friend trying to nail her.
I tossed and turned in the sheets that night, in my suite, waiting for the sun to rise again. I was bouncy, agitated. And happy. She had arrived in Japan on the night of December 23th, and on Christmas Eve I was set to perform at the Tokyo Dome. And then I was going to be free for a whole week. A week that I planned to spend with the only girl populating my dreams.
But first… First I had to perform. And the idea of having Lisa backstage was an added bonus. All of a sudden, this tour had become much more interesting.
— Lisa —
About one hour into the show, I was starting to have serious trouble taking my eyes off him. On that stage, he was pure energy personified, quicksilver in motion. The calm, quirky, funny guy I knew had disappeared, and the only thing that remained was this flawless, otherworldly performer. This artist, able to hypnotize everyone with his voice and his body. Everyone… included me.
Michael did not need to know that, when I was a teenager, his poster was attached above my bed, in my bedroom. During his Thriller days – or afterward, really – I highly doubt there was one girl on the planet who didn’t have a crush on him. And in my own way, I had been one of them. Of course, my perception of fame and celebrity was possibly different than other people’s, because of my father, and yet Michael’s charm had hit me as well. Then my taste in music changed, and he moved into the backburner of my mind for a few years… until I met him again at John’s wedding. From that moment on, it had been hard for me to forget about him. Only, it was no longer the artist, the one I would think about. Not the poster on the wall but the man. The cute acquaintance keeping me company during and afterward the wedding ceremony, the polite guy calling me to congratulate me and sending me beautiful bouquets of flowers, the trusted friend I could talk to for hours.
And now, this alluring, sexy, sweaty guy making hundreds of thousands of people eat from the palm of his hand.
The experience of seeing him perform live was surreal. At times, he would glance at me as I sat backstage in awe, and his eyes were smoldering and dark. The fever. It was like he was running a fever. His art rushed through him like a tornado, like fire, and the mere touch of his gaze seared me. I burned, burned with him and for him.
I had no idea how he could be so at ease in front of all those people, but it was evident that it came natural to him. Throughout the show, he became so many different men. The sparkling dancer in a military outfit, the charming crooner singing about love, the hat-wearing, vintage looking smooth criminal, the humanitarian trying to make the world different, better, with his songs. Watching him was touching, and he touched something deep inside of me I didn’t even believe existed.
After the show, Bill escorted me to his dressing room and when I knocked, he immediately opened the door. His face was flushed, and he was freshly showered. And looked oh, so happy. I couldn’t help but smile.
“You were amazing out there.”
“Really? You liked it?” He closed the door behind my back. Wearing only a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, he looked magnificent. Just like that night at Brett’s, it struck me how handsome Michael indeed was.
“I loved it.” I checked the clock on the wall. It was a little past midnight. “Oh, by the way… Merry Christmas, Mike…”
His eyebrows sprung up. Looked like I had caught him off guard.
“Merry Christmas, Lise… Ready for a night out?”
— Michael —
It was unfortunate that my conception of a night out was so different from what I really wanted to grant her. Which was basically a fine, quiet dinner someplace nice, and then perhaps a walk downtown Tokyo like any average person. But I couldn’t give her that. I didn’t want us to spend our first Christmas night together running away from hordes of people trying to get a piece of me. But she seemed fine when I told her about my plan.
Once in the limo, we were able to leave the Tokyo Dome pretty much undetected and, halfway through, we changed vehicles and moved into a less eye-catching car. Then I asked my security detail to please go grab something to eat for us. Usually I was not hungry after a concert, but she seemed to make things different for me. It occurred to me that I could get used to her presence by my side, but that it wouldn’t last long and I had to take what I had. Seize the moment.
As Lisa and I waited in the car, the most spectacular thing happened. It started to snow. And she and I, like two little kids waiting for Santa Claus, found ourselves plastered against the car windows, watching the sky take that weird shade of purple that always accompanied snowfalls. Almost a rarity in Tokyo. And I knew a place that was even better, to enjoy the spectacle.
Bill and Ricky climbed back into the car with two paper bags and two sodas, and Lisa and I munched on our fabulous avocado sandwiches as she, once again, told me how amazing my show had been. I was humbled by her compliments. And to be honest… it had been amazing for me too. Just seeing her backstage had been so incredibly intense. Throughout the concert, I could almost feel those baby blues on me. And the feeling of being watched by this lady made me sing and dance for her… without her knowing it.
The only thing I could do to repay the intense fusillade of emotions she was granting me, was to take her to the most unique place I could find. I loved Tokyo’s futuristic appeal, its skyscrapers and shopping areas, I really did, but my heart belonged to nature and I wanted a moment to escape from the bustling city life. And that was why, during one of my costume changes, I had put Bill in charge of reserving one specific area for Lisa and me only.
The driver parked the car near the back entrance of the Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden, and Lisa looked at me as if I suddenly had two heads.
“What is this place?”
“It’s a park. Come on… let’s go.”
Her eyes narrowed, and she gave me an unsure smile. “Aren’t we gonna get swarmed?”
“Ah, I doubt it. It’s gonna be just you and me… Come on! We don’t wanna miss the snow… Here…” I pushed her bobble hat over her head, shoved the gloves in her hands and put my beanie on, wrapping a scarf around my neck and pulling up the hood of my wind jacket for good measure. It was freaking cold outside! “There you go. You’re all set. Ready?”
Lisa laughed at me. “Alright… Alright, alright. What’s with all the adrenaline? Gosh… you’re pushy…”
At first we ran, pretending to be afraid to be followed by a non-existing crowd. Bill and a couple of other bodyguards almost had a fit and scrambled behind us, about stumbling in the snow, making Lisa and me crack up and double over. But their presence was not needed, really. We weren’t in any danger and, after a while, we took the chance to just appreciate being surrounded by tiny, light snowflakes, raining over us like small feathers.
What amazed me about the snow was its uncanny ability to create utter, total silence all around. No noise. No intrusion. Nothing. It felt like floating into a magical bubble. It was so peaceful. Lisa and I quietly walked through the vast lawns, under the tall trees, near the ponds.
My hands were in my pockets but at one point, almost absent-mindedly, I reached out and took her hand. I wanted, no, needed to feel her close to me. Her walk seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then she grasped my fingers and I could almost feel her warmth emanating through our gloves. I glanced at her for a quick second and she smiled at me.
“It’s never gonna be a New York snow but it’s beautiful, don’t you think?”
Her eyes downcast, her face flushed, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life. What was it, about Lisa, that charmed me to the point of forgetting everything else when she was near me? I had no idea. It was like trying to find the end of a gigantic skein. Not easy at all, when all I knew was that I was all jumbled up inside.
“It’s spectacular. Thank you, Michael… it’s such a special night…” We stopped under a cherry tree, and I wondered if we would ever be able to see it bloom. Improbable. But it was nice to dream.
Standing right in front of her, I cleared my throat.
“Did you know that this park was originally a residence of the Naito family of feudal lords?” Our fingers interlaced and I had to swallow. Her mysterious eyes were now staring right at me. More beautiful than any starry sky. I met her gaze, then watched as her eyes slowly flickered from my eyes down to my lips, then back up again.
“Yeah?”
“Uh-uhm… During the Edo period…”
“Interesting.”
“Yeah… very.” I reached up with my free hand and I touched the side of her face. “This garden is one of the most beautiful hanami spots in Tokyo… And I was just thinking…”
She moved her face slightly, and her cheek came to rest in the palm of my hand.
“What were you thinking?”
“That your lips look like petals during the cherry blossom season…”
Lisa blinked, then blushed. But she didn’t move away. When she spoke again, she did it after taking a breath.
“You’re corny, you know that?”
I smiled. “I know…”
“That night at Brett’s… you remember?”
How could I forget?
“Of course… what about it?”
“I just want you to know… I would have let you… If you had kissed me, that is.”
My chest felt suddenly constricted and when she grasped my fingers tighter, I automatically moved a step closer to her. She would have let me? For real? So it wasn’t just my imagination?
— Lisa —
I was frozen. Yes, it was cold, but that was not the reason why my body felt paralyzed. The moment I confessed what I had kept to myself for a month, and maybe even longer than that, I realized that I didn’t know how to do this. I had been with Danny for a few years, never searched any other man. I had forgotten how it felt. And now, Michael…
Now Michael was tilting his head, and his breath came out in puffs in the white, cold night, as if it had become harder for him to breathe. His eyes, however, spoke a different language. He kept them narrowed against the cold, and they were so dark and sparkling. They looked like burning black onyx, like timeless gemstones, innocent and tempting at the same time. Irresistible.
I wanted him to kiss me with every ounce of my being, and everything in my body ached for his touch. And yet I could not move.
He seemed to be studying me and, absently, he bit down on his bottom lip. God… I could almost feel his teeth scraping my skin. Almost feel the taste and texture of him. He was close enough for me to smell his cologne. My head spun and he was still touching my cheek, his thumb stroking my chin. Automatically, my hand reached up and rested over his. My hand felt so small against his big, warm one.
Something was wrong. This was taking way too long. He was looking at me and seemed conflicted. Why was he staring at me like that? Reality rained on me like a ton of bricks, shattering the glass bubble. What did I expect? This man, this man right here had always been clear when it came to boundaries. He had morals. He had standards. Had it ever occurred to me that there was a reason why he had not kissed me, that night at Brett’s? That maybe it was because he simply didn’t want to? Because I knew, I was sure that he had felt it. He had felt it that I would have given in, if only he had done it. And yet he had not done anything. So maybe… maybe all this was just my imagination, and he was just being friendly.
I realized that I was right. I shouldn’t have come. I was married and my life was a mess – while his was perfect. He was on top of the world, and I was a dead weight. Nothing but a famous last name. More famous than I would have wanted, sometimes. What did I have to offer? And maybe… Maybe now he was thinking about how desperate and lonely I really was. And how slutty it was, for a married woman, to basically declare that she was… available.
Shit…
I blinked and tried to back off, and something in his eyes snapped. He frowned and his expression was intense. For a moment, I thought he was angry before I realized that he was just scared. Scared of what? Before I could ponder over his motivations any further, he pulled me against his body and covered my mouth with his.
I melted into him right away, almost surprising myself. I tried to calm my racing heart, but it was just pointless as, after a few pecks, his tongue tentatively caressed my lips and I opened up to him as if it was the most natural thing to do. His lips were so warm, the touch of his tongue softer than I had ever imagined. He closed his arms around me and held me close for a moment as he kissed me again, with abandon this time. Once, twice and I realized that I was never going to have enough.
Nobody had ever kissed me like that. Ever.
After a bit, I don’t know how or why I did it, but I managed to push back as if I had been burned. Because it was the truth. This was more than I could stand. I felt cauterized. Almost in pain.
“I’m sorry…” My voice sounded strangled and foreign. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said… I shouldn’t…”
He stared at me, and I saw him swallow. And his eyes were everything I saw. They disappeared for a second as he looked down at the ground, then flew up to me again and he reached out, taking my hand once more. And this time, he didn’t even need to yank me closer. It was me who closed the gap separating us. Me, framing his face with both hands and pulling his head down to me. Me, seeking his lips with a passion I didn’t even know I had. He sighed against my mouth and kissed me again and he was everywhere, his hands running over my back and arms, his body ablaze. His lips now held a fervent urgency that mirrored mine. Something I had never known before.
He backed off just enough to speak, but not enough to grant me an escape.
“Don’t be… don’t be sorry…” One more kiss. “But if you really want me to stop, tell me now… Stop me now…”
How could I lie to him? Tell him to do something I did not want? I couldn’t find the words and my body spoke for me, reaching up again, my arms around his neck, pulling him down to me as the rest of his words got lost against my lips. I heard him groan softly, low in his throat as our tongues met once more and my legs almost gave in. And when his body tensed against mine, when I felt his arousal against me, even through the clothes, my eyes started to burn behind my closed eyelids.
— Michael —
She was going to jump off the ship. Yeah… fat chance. I had seen that sparkle in her eyes. She wanted this as much as I did. And her lips, her hands grasping my shoulders gave me all the confirmation her words could not. At one point she had pulled back, trying to build a wall separating us. A wall that I quickly destroyed. I wanted her – and the moment we kissed, I knew it was the right thing. Because it just felt right.
I guess she had misread my moment of hesitance. Had it been for me, I would have surged forward immediately, about laying her out down here under this tree, taking her, but I wanted to make this right. I wanted her to understand that this was not something random for me. Not a flirt. That I truly had wanted to kiss her for a very long time now. And that I wanted all of her.
And now it was nothing but lightning, hot-white and scorching, as I pulled her closer to me, wanting to absorb her into me. She tasted like heaven, felt like heaven. I was well aware that she could feel how turned on I was. My erection was straining against her and I couldn’t do anything about it. I was not all the way in charge of the reactions of my body. But this time she did not pull away and kept holding me instead. This time, she did more than not stop me – she kissed me back with all the pent-up passion we had somehow managed to ignore up until this point.
We came up for air once or twice, staring at each other before going at it again, unable to stop. Our kisses felt like a secret finally told, and mine… well, mine also became a promise. Her heart was free from Danny now. I could find my space. And maybe – I didn’t want to sound arrogant, but maybe I already belonged there.
Without even realizing it, I slowly slid down until I was kneeling on the snow and Lisa followed, without breaking the contact. My shoulder came to rest against the tree and I turned my body slightly, so that my back could lean against the trunk. Her torso pressed against mine. Our bodies surely knew how to move together. They were not strangers. And our souls… they weren’t strangers either.
After what felt like forever, we found ourselves wrapped in a tight embrace under that cherry tree, those tiny snowflakes still cascading all around us. I held her close to me. She was panting slightly, and her face was hidden against my jacket.
“I think we just caused a silent riot in your security detail,” she murmured. I glanced at Bill and the guys and they were pretending not to be watching us. It was not really working.
“Well, you know me… Causing havoc is what I do best.” I chuckled.
“You don’t say…” She too giggled and snuggled closer against my shoulder. God… this felt so… perfect. And I prayed and feared she could hear my heart, beating frantically in my chest.
“Do you care what they might think?”
Her gloved hand came to rest over my stomach as if it belonged there.
“No… no, I don’t care what anyone might think. I never did.”
We stayed quiet for a moment. I hoped my raging hard-on would subside a bit. It was amazing how hard I managed to stay despite the freezing cold. Lisa being half-draped over me sure helped me accomplish the task.
“You been seeing someone?”
I glanced down at her. She had taken off her bobble hat, and her dark hair fell in long strands over her face, hiding her from me. I bent my head and inhaled her scent.
“What do you mean?”
“I heard… rumors.”
“About?”
“About you dating one of your dancers…”
I bit the inside of my cheek. Apparently, someone had spilled the beans about Michelle and me… Which was absurd, really, since it was nothing but a friends with benefits thing. Just to feel less lonely while flying from country to country. Fucking the loneliness away in those long nights after the shows.
“We weren’t dating. Anyway… no, I’m not seeing her anymore.”
Which was the truth. She hadn’t taken it so well, though. She had resigned.
“Why not?”
That was a good question. And good ol’ me even knew the answer. Because my mind was occupied with someone else. And I sure hoped my bed… and life, would soon be as well.
“Because I think I’m falling in love with someone else and it wouldn’t be fair to her…”
The moment the words left my mouth, I wanted to slap myself in the head. What the fuck was wrong with me?
— Lisa—
I wished I could see those eyes at that very moment. I was pretty sure they would give me all the answers I needed. But the truth was that I was scared shitless. Of him telling me that he had fallen in love with some other woman. Of him telling me that he was falling in love with me. Because in either case, I had no idea how I would react.
The only thing I knew was that I wanted him to kiss me again with an intensity that bordered on physical pain. Kiss me until everything else in this universe disappeared for a bit. And talk to me in that deep voice that stroked all the right cords, and that had first surprised me so much. He was so different. Not only from the character he publicly portrayed, but also from anyone I had ever met.
Instead I managed to peel myself off his chest, and it was the hardest thing imaginable, really. I pushed my useless hat in the pocket of my coat and stood up. My feet felt frozen, but my chest was burning. My lips were burning. I held out my hand to him and Michael glanced up at me. His face was calm, but inquisitive. And that huge bulge in his pants… still there. Gosh…
I tried hard not to look. I tried even harder not to imagine how it would feel to have him in me. To feel him shiver against me. To soar with him. My eyes closed for the shortest instant and, when they opened again, he was already standing up. How could he move so fast, so quietly?
“You wanna head back to the car?” His voice soft, and perhaps a bit sad. Was he disappointed? Had I let him down?
“Yes, please… I’d like to check on the kids.”
Michael grinned, his head dropping. But his hand reaching out, his fingers interlacing with mine again. “Sure. Absolutely. You’re right…”
The drive back to the hotel was quiet, but not necessarily awkward. I called the suite to make sure the babies were OK. Michael and I didn’t share any more kisses, but he pulled me closer to him once again and I rested my head on his shoulder. The feeling of his calm, even breathing on the top of my head. His scent all around as I watched the snow fall outside the car windows. The silence was almost complete, the bodyguards didn’t say a word, they just asked us if there was anything else they could do for us and Michael told them we wouldn’t need any detail that night, that they were free until the next day.
They escorted us to the top floor of the hotel and then they left, after once again wishing us goodnight and merry Christmas. When I told Michael that I was going to go back to my suite, and that I would see him later in the morning, he just stared at me. His face was unreadable, but hadn’t turned into that mild mask he so often wore. We weren’t even touching at that point, and yet I kept feeling affected by his mere presence. By those words that had remained unspoken between us, at the park. By those eyes. Perhaps he was wondering why I hadn’t asked who he thought he was falling in love with. But he didn’t say anything, and just nodded his head instead, telling me that he would be awake if I ever needed him.
He had no idea how much truth those words contained. How much I needed him.
I almost ran over to the suite where the kids were staying and locked the door, then leaned my back against it. Laura, my babysitter, was sitting on the couch in the next room, flipping through a magazine. She glanced up and looked at me curiously.
“Hi, Lisa… Welcome back… and Merry Christmas…” She smiled, closing the magazine and I could tell that she was probably wondering what the fuck was wrong with me and why I looked like I just escaped Santa’s clutches. She had no idea how out of it I was. Hot, bothered, and everything in between.
“Hey… Merry Christmas. Are they OK?” Trying to regain my composure, I walked into the spacious living area and she got up from the couch.
Her eyebrows sprung up and she kept smiling. “Yes, just like they were twenty minutes ago, when you called. Sound asleep… both of them. They ate, we played, watched a bit of TV and then around nine they were out like a light… About half an hour after you left.” She was probably wondering if I was drunk. Or something.
“Perfect…” Grinning back at her, I went to the kids’ room and just stayed there for several minutes, finding solace in the presence of my babies, staring down at them, listening to their breathing and light snoring.
Laura was right. They were sound asleep. Looking peaceful and calm. Life was so easy for Riley and Ben… and I would fight tooth and nail for them to keep being so carefree and happy. That was what mattered the most. Would they be just as delighted the moment they realized that their mom and dad could no longer be together? That their marriage was over?
It dawned on me that this was really happening. That what I had told Michael was the truth. I was no longer in love with Danny, and probably I hadn’t been for quite some time. The only difference, now, was that my heart – up until one point lost and hopeless – screamed out to someone else. I wasn’t in love with Danny, no.
I was in love with Michael. Or at the very least I was getting there at record speed.
The realization was frightening, and it made me feel even more uneasy than before. I hadn’t magically fallen in love with him when he had kissed me. Although his kisses were otherworldly. It had happened so much earlier… like the perfect trap, I had fallen into it headfirst without even realizing it. Or maybe… maybe it was just lust.
Yeah. I could keep bullshitting myself pretending that that was what it was all about. That I only wanted to feel desirable and beautiful again and needed a good fuck, and that he just looked like the perfect candidate for the role. Knowing well that it was not at all about that. Knowing well that I would never kiss another man just because I had an itch to scratch or because I felt lost. But only because that other man had been able to find me. And Michael… well, he seemed to be finding me every single day.
I kissed both children once again, made sure they were both tuckered in, bought some more time. Waiting for the inevitable. I had to talk to Michael… and tell him that no matter how I felt, he deserved something better. Not this mother of two who was still technically married to another man. Who still hadn’t decided what she was going to do with her life. That I couldn’t ask him to wait for me when I didn’t even know what I was going to do once back home.
Leaving the kids’ bedroom, I wished goodnight to Laura and told her that I would be available on my cell phone if she ever needed anything. Or, if necessary, that she would find me in my suite at any time. She replied that I would see her the next day, as if she sensed that I needed some time to unwind… or that I had something important to do. Yeah, indeed. I had to clip my wings even before they could spread and I was already bleeding.
Once in the corridor, I turned at the corner and I literally bumped into Michael. He was way taller than me and his body was solid, and I recoiled automatically. I didn’t even have to look up to know it was him. I recognized his scent and then his hands grabbed my shoulders. Lifting my head, I found his eyes.
“Where are you going?”
Why in the world did he sound breathless? And why did he stare at me that way again? As if I was something special. As if I was everything he was looking for. I just looked at him, from one eye to the other.
“Where are you going?”
“To your suite… I wanted to talk to you. Lise, I…”
“Look, Michael, I think you-”
And then he was kissing me again, swallowing my words. Silencing my doubts, my insecurities, my fears. Pouring everything he hadn’t said to me in that kiss, in those hands cradling my face, angling it just right as my mouth opened slightly, granting access to his tongue once again. Welcoming him right away as if I hadn’t been waiting for anything else.
The long corridor around us disappeared. Closing my eyes, I realized I was not in the darkness. There was him, and he was everything. He was everywhere. When his hands slid down to my neck, my shoulders, my arms, and eventually they closed around my waist, I felt myself being lifted off the floor and pulled against him. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck, my legs closed around his hips and Michael moved a step forward. My back collided with the wall and for the shortest second I opened my eyes, making sure we were alone. I knew we were – he had the whole floor rented out. Nobody else was there. Nobody else populated our universe.
Sighing against my lips, straining against my center, he spoke with a husky, raspy voice I had never heard before.
“Damn, girl… My suite or yours?”
“Mine…”
My fingers tangled in his hair.
— Michael —
I didn’t know what she was planning to tell me, but I did know that she was calling out to me. That she was coming to me, whether she knew it or not. It was alright… I knew it for both of us.
I also knew she wanted this. This thing we were doing. This being enveloped into one another, folded like a piece of paper, blending like colors on a canvas, becoming one. What I did not know, was how I could ever manage to reach her suite if the only thing I wanted was to take her there and then, against that wall. Showing her how serious I was about all this. About her. Baby girl would soon find out that I wasn’t always shy… not in all departments at least.
“Michael…”
Nothing but a breathless sigh against my mouth and I about lost it. Somehow I stepped back, still holding her into my arms, her legs strong around my hips, her center burning against my pants, and I walked over to her suite. She fumbled with her back pocket and extracted the magnetic key and I don’t even know how we managed to unlock the door. Once we were in, I kicked the door shut and I still didn’t let go of her, but pushed her against the wall instead, kissing her like a madman, feeling as if I was about to blow.
I bent my head and my teeth grazed her neck, brushing it lightly, then my tongue tasted her sweet skin. Lisa shivered under my touch and I backed off enough to meet her gaze. She looked high, her eyes hooded, the blue sparkling even in the dim light, as if it was illuminated by some mysterious fire… from the inside.
“You want this? I want you so much, Lise… So much it hurts…”
She swallowed hard and gently touched my face with her fingertips. And her sweetness almost killed me.
“Who is it?” Her other hand grasped my hair. “Who’s the woman you’re falling in love with?”
Now or never. What was I supposed to do? Lie? Hide? While having her in my arms, her legs around my waist, my dick about to burst through my pants? I realized I couldn’t. Not now, and not to her.
“You… It’s you…”
Her lips parted, and she stared at me in complete surprise. In fear. Had I scared her? Did she want me to say that it was another woman I was interested in, and not her? I couldn’t really read her thoughts. She and I, we both knew how to hide in our own protective shells all the time.
“It’s you, Lise… I’m falling in love with you…”
She rolled her eyes and a couple of tears streamed down her cheeks. What the hell?
My grip on her loosened and I was about to put her back down, but her legs decided otherwise. Almost squeezing me, pulling me into her body. Shit… Mixed signals central!
“Lise… Lisa… You want me to… You know… Put you down… I’m sorry, I thought you…”
Another set of tears sparkled, and I seriously didn’t know what to do. My hands moved from her perfect ass to her back, stroking it.
“I thought you wanted this, I’m sorry if I did something you didn’t want, I…” I just shook my head in complete confusion and blushed, feeling embarrassed and out of place all of a sudden.
“No, you didn’t… It’s just…” She dried her eyes with the back of her hand. “…I think I love you too, silly.”
Her words acted like an electric shock to my whole system. She had stolen my breath and now she was giving it back to me.
“What?”
Sniffling, she cradled my face and held my eyes captive. And this time I saw her smiling at me through the tears.
“I said, I am falling for you.” She stroked my cheek. “I don’t know what it is, or how it happened, but…”
“…You are where I belong.”
She laughed breathlessly and rolled her eyes again, and I smiled.
“Sort of, yeah…”
When I finally kissed her again, everything seemed to go oddly quiet. It was like the calm before the storm. This time the kiss was slow and gentle, savoring the moment. She loved me. She was falling for me. My stomach flipped and I felt like laughing. Backing off, my gaze fell on her luscious lips and I kissed her one more time and it was like the thunder breaking the sky open. The weight of her lithe frame in my arms felt so perfect – her shapes, lines, curves a perfect match for my body. As if we were made to fit so flawlessly. And I wanted to breathe her, smell her, taste her, take her, make her mine. I wanted her to never forget this night, this moment.
Still kissing her thoroughly, almost on autopilot, I walked backward into the living room and she tilted her head to her right, as he fingers ran down my back and slid under my sweatshirt and t-shirt, finally touching my boiling skin.
“There… first door… God, Michael…”
— Lisa —
His face had the slightest bit of stubble, and I could feel it underneath my fingertips as I kissed him again, my eyes closed, trusting him completely while he walked over to the bedroom. At this point, I knew there was no turning back. And I didn’t want him to stop. Ever.
He felt wonderful and the moment he put me down near the bed, his hands were everywhere on me. I loved how the blue lights coming from the cityscape illuminated the room, painted his face in what looked like magical strokes delivered by an invisible painter. For a moment, we just stared at each other, as if we needed to make sure this was really happening. And it was. I don’t know who made the next move exactly, but then we were kissing again and he was fumbling with my shirt as I mirrored his movements, pulling the front of his t-shirt out of his pants, my hands running underneath the fabric. His abs contracted under my touch and he moaned into my mouth as he finally finished unbuttoning my shirt. Backing off he looked at me, first my heaving chest, then my face again and I felt the strangest connection. Ancient, unspoken. Predestined. As if my entire existence was bound to live this very moment.
I took his hand and I slowly placed it on my breast and Michael swallowed. I saw his Adam’s apple move and, as he started fondling me, I pushed his sweatshirt and t-shirt up. I needed to touch him, I craved the skin on skin contact. Reading my mind correctly, Michael got rid of both garments at the speed of light. Then, as if suddenly remembering something, he glanced down at his naked torso and flinched. And I knew instinctively why.
My hands rested on his chest and I stepped closer to him, forcing him to meet my eyes.
“You are so stunning, Michael…” I placed a kiss on his collarbone and looked up at him again. “So gorgeous. I wanna see you… all of you…”
He scrunched his eyebrows for a second and his eyes looked surprised, then tender. And that soulful gaze more than anything else almost knocked me off my feet. He grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled me to him, kissing me again hotly, while his other hand took mine, and gently rested it against his crotch. Wanting me to feel how much he wanted this.
God…
Breaking the kiss his eyes studied me, he bit his lip and I held his gaze. Automatically, my fingers squeezed him through his pants and he sighed, his chest rising and falling more rapidly as my movements intensified, became bolder. He felt just so amazing, and even more so when his hips pushed against my hand almost in an automatic motion. No way in the world I could ever step away from him. Not now. Possibly not ever…
As we kissed once more, I reached down and started messing with his trousers, forgetting for a second that he was wearing athletic pants and not his usual jeans or slacks. He too unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, hooking his thumbs into the waistband, pushing my jeans down slowly. I stood before him in only my underwear and his eyes roamed over my body, singeing me once more.
“Lise… You are so beautiful.”
Panting, I unclasped my bra and let it fall to the floor and his eyes widened, before he stepped in and took me in his arms again, the feeling of my nipples pressing against his naked chest intense enough to almost make me climax. There was just something about him, an aura I could not describe. I melted in his arms, clung to his head when his mouth reached my breasts, kissing, licking, biting. I was not going to hold back. Not tonight and not with him. I arched against him, offering my body and everything I held sacred inside of me to this man, mysterious and tempting, because there was absolutely nothing else I could do. With Michael, I had no defenses.
— Michael —
I didn’t want this to end. I wanted this to go on forever and I wanted to take her to heights she had never known before. Picking her up again, I closed that small gap separating us from the bed and knelt on the mattress, laying her down on her back and leaning over, kissing her collarbone. My lips moved down to her stomach, her pelvic bone as I slowly took off her panties, needing her naked, wanting no barriers between us.
“Spread your legs…”
When I heard her moan I glanced up and her back was arched, she was squeezing her breast and I parted her legs, finding her sex – clean shaven and so beautiful and perfect – and inhaling the sweet scent of her arousal. She smelled like flowers and something intensely feminine that was just hers. I lowered my head, my eyes open, kissing and licking her, drinking from her and her moans got louder, muffled. She was biting down on her forearm, trying to control her pleasure.
She didn’t need to… This was just the beginning. She could come as many times as she wanted.
Me, I didn’t think I would ever be able to go back to soft ever again anyway. She was pure sweetness down there, and I was pulsing with desire. I wanted time to stop and grant us an eternal reprieve. The profane eternity I wanted to be trapped in felt way more enticing than everything I remembered, and I slowly slid my fingers inside of her. Lisa cried out, and I made sure it was not a cry of pain. It wasn’t… her body told me so. Her eyes did too. From the way she clenched me, trapping me inside, from her heat, I knew. The connection I felt was inebriating as it was terrifying I had no way to escape it.
“Oh, shit… Oh, fucking shit…”
Her voice husky, the words holding that seductive drawl driving me nuts.
My other hand on her lower belly held her down and still as my fingers and mouth worked to bring her to the pleasure I wanted her to feel. And when she came… Man… When she came, shivering against me, pulsing around me, staring down at me with hunger, with a hopelessness that was so unlike her, I knew I loved her for real. I knew right then and there that I was in love with Lisa.
Allowing her to ride the waves of her climax, I kissed and licked her gently and moved up her body again. Her flat abdomen… her stomach… her breasts… her neck. Finally her mouth. She grabbed my head with urgency as I lay down on top of her and we rolled over on the bed. I was on my back now and she was reciprocating the treatment, making me sigh and moan as I caressed her long hair, wrapping it around my fingers. The long strands were tickling my torso as she slowly slid down my body. Once again she stroked me through my sweatpants and my hips jerked up. Her eyes flew up at me, their blue intense. Her face was flushed, her lips red and moist, parted. I wanted nothing more than being devoured by her… and then devouring her some more.
Swallowing, she pulled my pants and underwear down and I kicked them off. Her hand rested on my steel and I blinked, calming my breath. Her touch was soft, cool against my boiling skin. I was about to burst into flames. Staring down at me wordlessly she started stroking me and I had to clench my teeth. I felt raw, exposed. I had my good share of nice fucks, but this was different. The rousing pleasure was intense but also incredibly soothing on a much deeper level. How was I going to handle that?
Man… she sure knew how to handle me.
I kept caressing her head, not forcing her. I wanted her to be sure that she was free to do as she pleased. That I wasn’t expecting her to do anything but what she felt right. After one last glance, she did this thing where she pushed a strand of long hair behind her ear and then she descended on me, kissing me softly. One hand grasping my thigh, the other holding my cock firmly at the base, and I thought I would explode. The contrast between her solid grip and her gentle lips felt powerful and I became harder still. Sighing, her eyelids heavy, her eyes moist and sparkling, she raised the bar – no pun intended – the moment her kisses turned hotter, open-mouthed. The touch of her tongue sent an electric shock to my body, and when she moaned I realized that I was holding my breath.
Lisa looked up at me again, still stroking me slowly.
“I need you to say it…”
I just stared at her.
“I need to hear you say what you want me to do… Tell me… Show me…”
I set my jaw, once again finding that connection.
“Take it, baby…”
All the while, I reached down and stroked her cheek with my fingertips.
Her eyes fluttered closed for a second and she sighed, then went down on me and took me into her mouth. Throwing my head back, I realized that she seemed to like it when I issued commands. Which was something I loved doing anyway, so it was a win-win situation. The heat of her mouth enveloped me as she kept holding me, massaging me and my hips engaged, cautiously at first and then with increased determination. Her motions slow and purposeful, building a fire that was already ravaging me from the inside. When I rested my hand on her head and closed my fist into her hair, guiding her a bit, she let out a moan of pleasure, deep in her throat, and it reverberated into my flesh, threatening my sanity.
“Stop… come here… come over here…”
Sitting up, I grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her up to me, into my lap, her heat scalding me as I pushed up and slid against her liquid heat. As I kissed her wildly, I once again reversed our positions and came to rest in between her thighs. Lifting myself up on my elbow, I reached down again and I stroked her as we kept kissing, her arms around my neck, her small hands tangled in my hair. We kissed until reason abandoned me entirely and I knew I had to have her. I also knew I couldn’t wait any longer. Holding the weight on my upper body on my hands, I looked down at our smooth, languid caresses, listened to our uneven breathing, then I sought her eyes again.
“Lisa… I gotta have you. You want me to grab a condom?”
I had to move things along. I was going crazy.
She bit her lip and for a moment seemed to ponder over my question. Then her hand caressed my cheek, coming to rest on the side of my neck.
“I am on the pill… and if you’re clean…” She swallowed and seemed to study me.
Well… This was… great! There was just something even more amazing than the idea of finally bury myself in her. And it was doing it skin on skin. Something I hadn’t done in… forever, really. Certainly not with Michelle.
“I’m definitely clean… you trust me?”
Leaning up on her elbows she allowed us a moment of tenderness before complete passion unleashed. She kissed my face with light, gentle kisses. All over. My chin, my cheeks, my closed eyes, my nose, my lips again. A knot tightened deep in my stomach as she found my mouth again and I sought the sweet contact of her tongue.
“I trust you… Take me…” She pulled back slightly. “…Please.”
— Lisa —
The moment he did it, the moment I felt him against my flesh, slowly pushing into me, the shock to my whole body was so intense that I had to close my eyes. I wanted him soldered to me, I craved his weight on me and I became nothing but a giant pulse, shapeless, weightless. Gravity disappeared. I was floating. I blocked out all fears, all thoughts about what this might mean for us and what further disaster I was going to sink into. Him sinking into me was the only thing I needed.
Opening up more to him, my back arched and I scratched his shoulders. He was so crazy big. I had noticed, of course I had noticed the moment I saw him, held him in my hand, enjoyed his amazing taste in my mouth, but feeling him inside was something else entirely. Hot, hard and I felt bits and pieces of me I had thought were gone forever burning with life. Desire. Lust. Love. It was birth… or rebirth.
“Lise… Shit…” He tossed his head, and I saw sweat sparkle on his forehead. His hair was a beautiful mess. In the dim light, his skin looked like materialized stardust. “Open up for me, baby… Oh damn… You’re so fucking tight…” He bent his head and licked my nipples and I cried out, my legs cradling his waist as I tried to relax.
“Oh, shit… Let go, Michael… Do it…”
Taking a deep breath, he pulled back a little and then surged forward again, reaching end and sending shocks of pain and pleasure through me.
“You good? Did I hurt you?”
He had no idea how good he hurt me.
“I’m fine… Fuck…”
I licked my lips and watched him. To me, this was more than simply making love. It definitely wasn’t hooking up. It was – and I wanted it to be – a perfect concoction of lovemaking, having sex and fucking. A new definition was in order for this arousing, carnal, raw connection we had been experiencing.
Michael started to move and every single part of my body reawakened, from head to toe. Including parts I didn’t even know I had. Not only it was the first time after so many months, but also the first time I felt like a shooting star adrift into an unknown universe.
I loved how he kept his torso lifted, and I loved how he glanced down, staring at the place where our bodies connected as he drove into me with strong, rhythmic strokes. This was a man who knew exactly what he was doing. With each slow thrust, powerful enough to force my whole body back on the mattress, he made sure to make me feel every single inch of his passion and desire. And hearing him curse… it did something to me, to see him lose control that way. My eyes flew open as I kept meeting every stroke.
“Talk to me… Let me hear your voice… Talk to me…”
I could tell from the burning embers of his eyes that he had been holding back. What was he afraid of? To shock me with his words? Nothing could shock me more than the myriad of emotions and sensations he was making me experience.
“Baby… You feel so damn hot. So perfect…” He swallowed and glanced down again and I did too. Our bodies were glistening with sweat. “I love watching myself slide into you… I love watching us dance together…”
“Oh fuck…” Pulling his head down to me I kissed him, and his tempo increased. I clung to his arms, my head thrown back, the room spinning, my ears filled with his sighs and moans as he fucked me like nobody had ever fucked me before. Feeling the tornado approaching at lightning speed, I reached down and stroked myself and his thrusts became even more driven and purposeful.
“Oh yeah… There you go… Touch yourself, let me feel you come…” My gaze tethered to his, I saw him clench his teeth. “That’s it, Lise… That’s it… I feel you… let it go… let it feel good…”
His words were the last push I needed and I dove into the void, screaming out, shaken by an orgasm so painfully powerful that I almost blacked out. And he was there with me, guiding me through the pleasure as if he had known my body forever, stroking all my hidden cords, playing me like a musical instrument, making my body hum and sing.
He let up a bit as I came down from my high, allowing me a moment to regain my breath as he only gave me slow, inner thrusts. Panting I opened my eyes and I saw specks dancing in my vision. I felt dizzy. When I was able to focus again, Michael was smiling. He was flustered and looked very pleased with himself.
“Lise… I love how you take your pleasure and make it last… how uninhibited you are… And that little body of yours… I ain’t even gotten started with you, girl…”
God… I sure hoped so.
I rested my hand on his chest and felt his erratic heartbeat.
“Fuck me…”
“Shit…”
Michael rose onto his knees and grabbed me by my hips, pulling me closer, sinking into me even deeper and I whimpered. I reached up and back, holding onto the side of the bed as he resumed his steady rhythm. His eyes burned me as much as the feeling of him inside, the mere spectacle of him watching me shattering my body, pulverizing it, and flooding it with never-ending streams of pleasure.
Before I could even realize it, I was close again and he seemed to sense it. This time it was him who reached down and stroked me just the right way, sending me into orbit again and I couldn’t discern my own words – they were moans, and curses, and his name in between again and again.
As I was still convulsing, he pulled me up and against his body, lifted me off the bed as if I was nothing but a ragdoll and I clung to him helplessly. He was strong as fuck. And sexy as all get out. The force of his assault was such that I thought he was going to split me in two.
“Oh my God… You’re so…fucking… huge…” I bit down on his shoulder as he picked up speed and his body started to tense. “Holy shit…”
“Fuck… Here it comes… I’m gon’ come so hard, baby…” Reclining me on the sheets once again, he withdrew slightly, as if he was about to pull out to finish himself off. Oh hell, no!
“No… no… don’t… Come in me… I wanna feel you… I wanna feel us…”
He seemed to freeze for a moment, his eyes widening.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah…”
He didn’t lose a beat. Sinking as deep as he could, he moved again and I was lost. I tried to stay focused on his face as he ravaged my body that way. I watched that little crinkle in between his eyebrows as he looked caught in between extreme pleasure and sheer agony. I felt his strong hands on my ass, raising my lower body and angling it to meet his thrusts, I saw a drop of sweat fall from the side of his face down to my belly and it turned me on to no end. To see him so carefree and wild. To see his most secret and sacred soul seep out through his skin and became almost a tangible presence in the room. I felt him throb and engorge even more inside of me, sending me headfirst in another climax, and finally… I felt his release. And as he let go, he spoke again.
“I love you… Oh, fucking hell! I love you…”
I reached down, touching him and myself in the process, my other hand grabbing his firm ass and pulling him into me, realizing that I had never come so hard in my entire life. And I had never been so in love.
“I love you too…”
— Michael —
Afterward, she went quiet. I was breathless and at that very moment I had no defenses. Staring down at her, drying the sweat from my brow with my forearm, I could still feel myself twitch inside the sweet, hot, tight torture of her body. I had told her I loved her as I felt a part of me leave me and become one with her, and I realized I meant it. Driving into her soft, sinewy flesh had been crazy enough, but her allowing – no, asking me – to finish inside of her had made everything even more… real. Our souls had touched, merged, entwined.
Lisa’s eyes closed for a minute and I watched her pant, her body perfectly still, almost boneless. I slowly started to withdraw from her body. Half-heartedly. I felt lightheaded. The moment I pulled back, her eyes opened again and she smiled at me. A little shy, a little uncertain. She was gorgeous. Gosh… I was so fucked.
I lay down by her side and she turned, facing me. Her hand on my cheek. Her caresses and gentle touches. I felt safe and sheltered. Loved. Her eyes held the key and I was the door. She only had to push me open. She already had.
“I do love you, Michael…” She sounded as if she had almost lost her voice. “I wasn’t lying, you know…”
“I wasn’t lying either.” I kissed her gently, then more thoroughly, before pulling back again. “I love you.”
We just lay there, staring at each other, for what felt like forever. I wasn’t sure I had a compass to orient myself in this. This was serious. I thought I had been serious before, with other women, but this reached a brand new level of seriousness. I really didn’t want to lose my bearings… Not with Lisa.
She kept stroking my hair so gently.
“What’s gonna happen now?”
“Now? …Well…” I pulled her close to me and she draped her leg on my side, smiling. “Now we’re gonna stay here and rest for a minute and then…”
“Then, what?” Her eyes laughed at me.
“Then… We can get a bit carried away some more… if you want…” I touched her luscious lips with my thumb and she kissed it. “You ain’t going anywhere…”
“Actually, this is my suite… Where should I go?”
I chuckled.
“Well… Same thing.”
We kissed some more. My lips traveled down to the sensitive skin of her neck and she sighed, caressing my back, then running her fingers all over my torso, as if she was assessing every line, every muscle, every little detail. And, strangely enough, I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. It had happened in the past, but not with her. Some girls had looked at me funny once they had discovered my skin condition, but not Lisa.
“You are so beautiful, Michael… Don’t let anything and anyone convince you you’re anything but that.”
I blinked, and it occurred to me that the thick walls I usually displayed to protect myself from such intrusions were totally transparent to her. And thin like crystal. I had to pay attention. This woman seemed very much able to read my mind. To handle so much more than my dick. My eyes watered and she leaned over quickly, kissing me again until I forgot everything but the feeling of her warm body next to mine. Raking her hair back with my fingers, needing to see her face, I watched her.
“I wanna make love to you again, and again, and again… I can’t get enough of you. And then…” I cocked my head and turned very serious. As serious as a heart attack. “And then I’m gonna give you all the reasons in the world to be mine forever. To never stop loving me.”
She blushed, her eyes shimmering. I could tell I had stirred something inside.
“Pretty sure of yourself, uh?”
“It’s not about that. It’s just the truth. Some things are just meant to be… they’re just the way they are.”
“So you think I’m gonna love you forever…”
I reclined my head in the sheets but I kept looking at her.
“Yeah… I think you will.”
“No matter what life has in store for us?”
“No matter what life has in store for us.”
“…Who knows. You might be right.”
“Oh, I know I am. You’ll see…”
“Merry Christmas, Mike…”
“Merry Christmas, Lise…”
End.
Soundtrack
