Take 20 | Sequence
Sequence
A scene, or connected series of related scenes that are edited together and comprise a single, unified event, setting, or story within a film’s narrative; also refers to scenes that structurally fit together in the plot; sequence usually refers to a longer segment of film than a scene; sequences are often grouped into acts (like a three-act play); a sequence shot refers to a long, normally complicated shot with complex camera movements and actions; see also shot and scene.
It took her a bit to calm down and stop crying. As she did it, she kept her face buried in his chest, to the point that Michael could no longer tell if it was rain what he felt, plastering his shirt to his skin, or her tears. But it did not really matter. The only thing that mattered was the relief he felt knowing that he was there for her, and that Alecia was wrong: at least right now, Lisa was opening up with him just fine. No buffer allowed – no phones, no ambassadors, no superfluous partners in sight, no excuses. Of all people, Lisa had chosen him to let go of the pressure she obviously had been feeling for a while. Even though it was clear that her intention had been to keep everything hidden to him. Lisa hated when her fragility showed, did her best to never appear vulnerable. It was a dangerous habit.
She had always been such a strong ally to him. When things were bleak in Michael’s life, especially before they got married, instead of hauling ass and running away from the leper that pretty much everyone had been shunning, she had stayed. She had been his rock. She had held him and talked to him until the confusion and pain in his mind had started to die down. She had never wavered. She had never left his side. When she had indeed decided to go, when in the end she had left, it had been because she had realized that the enemy was within, and no longer outside.
Right now, Michael felt as if the shoe was on the other foot and their usual roles had been reversed. The sequence of the events that had led him where he was had been bumpy, but fateful and eventual, maybe even unavoidable. It didn’t matter how he had found her, or why: the only thing that mattered was that he was there to catch her as she fell. Repaying her for having been there for him when he was crumbling.
The only thing he needed right now was that she stopped crying. Not only because her pain was breaking his heart, but also because he needed to know exactly what had happened to her. Why she had left like that. As if she was running away. Yes, of course – she didn’t want anyone to see those bruises on her face, but that was the end and Michael wanted to know about the means that had led there. Not for a second he thought those bluish marks had been an accident.
When Lisa finally stopped hiccuping and her breathing calmed down a bit, he pulled back just enough to search her eyes. They were puffy and reddened, and yet she was still the most beautiful sight he had seen in a while. She stared at him as if she could not believe he was really standing right in front of her. But there was also something else, swirling in those aqua-colored eyes: not fear, but maybe apprehension. Concern. She was looking at him the way she had always done – the love was there, Michael saw it, felt it – but the walls she had built since they had met again were gone. The cockiness, the sarcasm, the confidence she had displayed, had disappeared. All that was left was vulnerability. The scars from their latest, nasty breakup obviously still too raw, despite them having both tried to clear the air by talking and talking about what had happened.
The outcome was still there, keeping them united and disjointed at the same time. It would not work. Not this way. Things were changing for him – they had to change for her, too.
Sighing, Michael framed Lisa’s face with both hands and leaned in, softly kissing her lips. Just a feather-like contact, meant to be comforting and soothing. As much as he had missed her, as much as he needed to hold her and make sure that she was still his, his current priority was to heal her as best as he could.
They kissed like that for a few, heavenly moments, and her lips were soft. Breaking the contact was difficult, and he had to muster all his willpower to back off ever so slightly. Studying her quietly, he picked her up and carried her to the couch. She just let him, her arm around his shoulders, like countless times before. Without a word, and using that silence to keep an iron control over the storm of emotions swirling inside of him, Michael placed her on the couch, removed his soaking wet coat and threw it on a chair. Then sat down by her side.
They stared at each other for a moment, and Michael pulled her close, kissing her again. Her lips, then the tip of her nose, her forehead, and that part of her face that was puffy and blue. God… who had hurt her like this? What had happened? What was she keeping from him?
Swallowing, Lisa lay down, her head resting in Michael’s lap, looking up at him. Her hand came up and touched his face, and the gentleness of her touch reminded him of those secret moments they had spent in bed – twice – since they had reconnected. Too precious. Too rare. This was so similar, yet so different.
He grinned and turned his head. He kissed her palm. Her skin was warm and little sparks of electricity ran through him. Stroking her hair, he gazed down at her.
“I so wanted to be here… With you…”
Lisa blinked, showing him the perfection of her long, dark eyelashes framing her clear eyes.
“I did miss you, you know. I really did.”
“I missed you too.” He held her by the wrist and kissed her palm one more time. “How do you feel now?”
“A little better, I think…”
Still stroking her hair, Michael kept staring at her. She witnessed his effort to keep some sort of composure.
“OK… Now tell me what really happened to your face. I gotta know what the fuck went down. I’m gon’ flip out if I don’t, Lise. You know me.”
“Michael…” Lisa tried to move away and he held her as gently as he could. Yes, she did know him.
“No, stay. I’m here now.” His face was serious. “Talk to me. Trust me, Lise… Please. Just tell me what’s going on.”
“Where’s your girlfriend? Isn’t she miffed that you’re not with her?”
Michael didn’t break eye-contact.
“She’s in Japan. And I doubt she gives a shit about what I’m doing.” He shook his head. “You know what? I really don’t care. I broke up with her.”
Her eyes widened and she gasped.
“What?! You did not!”
Once again she tried to remove her hand from his face and he interlaced his fingers with her, not granting her a way out.
“Oh yes, I did.”
“When?”
“Yesterday. After – you know, after you and I… talked.”
Talked? Sexed it up? What?
“Why?”
“Because I don’t love her.” Should he say it? The whole truth, nothing but the truth? Oh, fuck it. “Because I love you.”
Lisa’s brow furrowed and she swallowed hard. She was conflicted. She didn’t trust him, he could tell. They had done that to each other.
Well… maybe Alecia hadn’t been wrong after all. Lisa didn’t always know if she could allow herself to be vulnerable with him. And Michael hoped and prayed that his silence and his presence there, by her side, would be enough to convince her that it was worth it. That they were worth it.
He also thought he already knew what had happened. He felt it in his bones. The incredible connection he and Lisa had always shared was impossible to break. And his unstable mood in the past two days, his intense discomfort, the sudden epiphanies dawning on him had something to do with her, too. He knew it.
His hand rested on her forehead, very lightly.
“Lisa… It was Roman, right? …Roman did this to you.”
She averted her gaze, finally succeeding in removing her hand from his face. But she didn’t move and stayed connected to him. Then she looked up at him again.
“You sure you got time?”
“I got time…”
When he was like this, it was hard for Lisa to keep her guard up. He was so sweet, so loving. He seemed very much in tune with her, prone to listening, and he was so… open? Unguarded? Something she hadn’t seen in a while. In years, to be honest. Michael was back at being someone so similar to the man he used to be when they had first fallen in love.
And then – that confession. Had he truly broken up with that woman? Or maybe he and Zoe were just taking a moment to think things through… with the possibility of a baby on the table, it would make sense…
No, he told you that he loves you. But again, he always tells you that he loves you, doesn’t he? Even last year. Even while you guys were crashing and burning for the umpteenth time he would tell you how much he loved you. He told you that he loves you even the last time you were together. It didn’t change anything – he stayed with her. He kept holding onto the idea of the perfect family you were not able to give him.
That truth stung.
However, the fear and disillusionment she felt were not entirely able to choke the sparkling tendrils of hope blooming in her soul. How long since he had truly been like this, with her? How long since Michael had made her feel as if she indeed was his first priority? He had tracked her down and had managed to find her in less than forty-eight hours just because he had not heard from her. On a side note, Lisa suspected someone might have helped him – Alecia, maybe. She was one of the few people who knew about the house whose existence Michael was never meant to discover.
And yet here he is… with you. Holding you, touching you as if you mean something to him. Something more than a good fuck or some long conversations over the phone. Could it be? Are you so blind not to see what would be so obvious to anyone else? Tell him. Just tell him what went down.
Lisa took a deep breath, held it, then let it go slowly. OK…
“Maybe you’ll think it’s stupid… especially given all the shit you and I did together… But after our call, the other night, I could no longer pretend I was being honest. With Roman, or with you… Or with myself.”
“I don’t think it’s stupid…”
“No?” She gazed up at him.
His face serious, Michael just shook his head and stared at her intently. The feeling was odd: a part of her just wanted to open the gates and let it all out, while the other part was still holding all the horses inside the stables. Whenever she was so jumbled up inside, the risk of fucking it all up would always increase significantly. Like a little kid trying to block out the boogieman, she closed her eyes and kept them closed as she finally brought herself to speak – because she had not told a soul what had happened and maybe Michael, of all people, would be able to understand.
As a matter of fact, Lisa was not concerned at all about his ability to understand. She was only worried about his reaction because despite his very suave persona, he could be temperamental. But at this point it was apparent that she no longer had a way out. Michael was there for a reason. And he was as stubborn as a mule. He would not leave without knowing exactly what he wanted to know. And she was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, the longing she had been feeling for him too consuming, extenuating almost to the point of physical pain. Lisa simply realized that she didn’t have it in her to put up a front with him any longer.
And so she kept her eyes closed and started to speak, finding solace in Michael’s physical proximity, in his touch, in his familiar scent and the aura of him, wrapping itself around her, making her feel safe and secure – despite all their previous fuck-ups and doubts.
She told Michael that their long sex phone session first, and their need of staying connected for the entire night afterward, had prompted her to realize the astounding level of duping she had been bestowing on Roman. The fact that she and Michael had not been sleeping together for a while did not really matter, in the grand scheme of things. She had been cheating on Roman emotionally because she never had been in love with him to begin with. Since Michael’s return, things had only gotten worse. She had no reason to be with Roman any longer. And she couldn’t bring herself to pretend anymore.
And so the next day, Lisa had packed up her stuff and driven over to Priscilla’s with the kids. Her intention was simple: spend the weekend at her mom’s, think things through in the most rational manner, possibly ask for Alecia’s advice and then, once she’d be back to Hidden Hills, meet Roman and break up with him for good. Allowing him to move on and moving on herself.
However, she had been at Priscilla’s for about half a day when he had called her, pretty much out of the blue, asking her if he could see her and talk to her about something urgent and unexpected that had come up. Roman had been adamant: he was supposed to be already in Colorado for business, but had delayed his trip because he wanted to talk to Lisa first. Which was so unlike him. For Roman, work would always come first – no exception. Well, almost.
Which kinda brought Lisa full circle.
Through the years she had nagged at Michael countless times, telling him how unimportant he sometimes would make her feel. When in fact Michael had always had his own way to remind her how much he loved her, even when he needed some space for himself. Some time by himself, away from everyone, including her. It had nothing to do with love but it also had been a sore spot throughout their marriage, and it was something Lisa had always only been able to see from her own point of view. For a long time, she had been unable to notice how much access she had to Michael. How much access he allowed her to have, physically and emotionally, even when things were bleak. She had sometimes taken it all for granted. Him for granted.
How many things we take for granted. Until they just slip away and we can no longer have them.
The perspective was starting to shift: the truth was that her own insecurities had overshadowed and overlapped to Michael’s behavior more often than not. He could be an asshole when he wanted to be, yes. But he was not a natural-born asshole at all. He loved being with her, and his need to leave from time to time had nothing to do with their relationship. It was just the way he was wired. It was the way he functioned.
Roman was programmed in a completely different way. He had been clear right from the beginning of their relationship. And how relieving it had been for Lisa to hear from his mouth that his life revolved around work, and that everything and everyone else would always come second. It was such a convenient situation, given that she didn’t love him and actually did not want to have him around 24/7. How dishonest it had been to pretend otherwise for months.
The moment she and Michael had reconnected again, Lisa had immediately recalled the old feeling of what she used to call “the pull.” That intoxicating sensation she would always experience with Michael, and Michael only. Him gravitating in her orbit was more than enough to ignite all the engines she had thought were dead and gone.
Of course, when Roman had called, the other day, the feelings she had experienced were nothing of that sort. She had only noticed that over the phone he had sounded calm but also… kind of tense.
“Lisa Marie… I know you’re at your mom’s, but I really think we should talk. It’s not going to take long, I promise.”
“Well… do you think it can wait until you come back from your trip?”
“No, I’m going to just leave after I talk to you. You know how important my business is, for me. But this… this is way more important.”
So in the end, Roman deciding that Lisa had to come first for once had risen the bar of her alert-meter, and she had acquiesced to see him on his own terms. She had told him they could meet and talk. And so, instead of meeting Alecia for lunch, like she had initially planned, she had met Roman at the Brentwood Country Club, where he had been playing golf. Because of course, his generosity and attention to anyone that wasn’t himself could only go so far and he had asked her to meet him there.
When she had sent him a text informing him that she had just parked her car outside the club, he had texted back telling her to just wait for him there. In the parking lot. Which was pretty much as weird as his sudden urgency, but OK…
Roman had walked out of the building in his perfect golf apparel, his face serious, his deep-set eyes stoic and his jaw set. It was evident that whatever he had to say would not be good news. Lisa could not imagine what it was. Smiling at him tentatively, she had waited for him to sit in the passenger seat. He seemed stiff.
“Hey… why out here?”
“I wanted to make sure we were alone…”
“Oh… Alright. Are you OK? You don’t look too good.”
“I know.”
For a minute, Roman had just stayed there, hands clasped in his lap, as if he was trying to regroup and gather his thoughts.
“He looked insecure. As if whatever he had to tell me, he couldn’t really handle it. I didn’t like what I saw… It was odd. And I didn’t like how I felt about him. Guilty, that is. So I decided to take the lead and end things there and then… But…”
But before she could say anything, he had spoken.
“I got a phone call, a couple of hours ago.” Roman side-eyed her, then frowned and stared straight ahead, at the half-desert parking lot. “Remember Zoe? Jackson’s girlfriend?”
“Of course…” Lisa tried very hard to figure out what the hell was going on.
“Well, you wouldn’t imagine what an enlightening conversation she and I had. And what an interesting file she sent me afterward, via email.”
“I’m not sure I follow…” She turned on her seat and stared at him. Her hands started to sweat, her mind was a blank slate. She had no idea what he was talking about. Zoe had called him? Why? Lisa had to fight the urge to check her cell phone and see if Michael had tried to get in touch with her. Like a prey keeping an eye on the predator, she had a feeling that focusing on Roman was the only thing that mattered at the moment.
“You will.” Taking a deep breath, he finally brought himself to meet her eyes and what Lisa saw was nothing she had ever seen before. His eyes were dead. “She sent me a video… So I’m just gonna ask you, and you better answer and be honest. How long have you been fucking Jackson behind my back?”
His words stunned her and she was so caught by surprise that at first she just opened her mouth, then closed it. Roman kept staring at her, without even blinking. The atmosphere in the car was chilly, the emotional temperature below the freezing point. And Lisa realized what she had failed to see, not because it was invisible but simply because she had never seen it before: he was furious.
“What did you tell him?”
Michael’s voice brought her back to the present and she slowly opened her eyes. She found his face, sad and concerned. Once again his hand came to rest on her head, caressing her hair. Then the back of his fingers moved on her bruises. Lisa blinked.
“The truth. Which was my intention anyway… but not like that.”
“So… let me guess… The tape Zoe sent him… showed you and me making love… that night at the Hideout. After we met at the Sunny Hill.”
“Yeah… How do you know?”
Or more appropriately, how many things she didn’t know? Yes, Michael was unaware of what had transpired between Lisa and Roman, but she too had lost some pieces of the puzzle. Now everything was coming together, and it seemed that the price to pay had been unduly high. Or maybe not. Because a part of Lisa knew that what she and Michael had been doing was wrong on so many levels. Other people got caught in the crossfire. Of course there had been consequences.
“Because right after calling Roman, she made sure that same tape was delivered to the tabloids. Now it’s all over the place. On the internet. She put a camera in there… in my bedroom… I didn’t notice. Sorry about that, babe.”
“Oh…”
She really didn’t know what to say.
“Those were the news I was referring to, earlier.”
“Yeah, at this point I had kinda figured it out.”
“What happened next?”
Once again, Lisa exhaled a long breath.
“We fought. He said…”
“You’re a fucking, disgusting, lying whore. That’s what you are.”
Lisa shook her head. No need to be detailed. Michael would flip out. And what for?
“… You know what, it’s not important what he said. He was mad at me. Furious, really. I tried to explain. Not to apologize, because…”
“I will never say that I’m sorry about making love to Michael. But I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that what you and I had could no longer be. I should have taken responsibility, I-”
“But you took something else instead, didn’t you, Lisa Marie? What a fucking… cunt!”
She had never, ever heard him speak like that. To anybody. Certainly not to her. His words stunned her and for a second she just stared at him, speechless.
“…Because I can’t ever be sorry for… you know, what you and I did, Mike, but still… He was mad. Beyond livid. He had become someone I didn’t recognize…” She scoffed, without any joy. “…Well… I guess I, too, was someone he didn’t recognize at all. Payback is a bitch, isn’t it?”
Roman’s face had turned red, the veins popping out. He yelled at her, his thundering voice making her wince as she tried as best as she could to explain and find some space in the sudden noise. Just to make him understand, just to calm him down. It was an impossible task.
The things he was saying, the words he used.
“How many times I put my cock in you right after you gave it to him?! Did you and Jackson laugh behind my back? Tell me, you fucking bitch! Do you think I’m your damn lapdog? Your pet? Someone you can play with as you fucking please? You got no idea who you’re dealing with, Lisa Marie!”
Lisa’s head started to spin. His explosive reaction had left her stunned, and she could barely say a word. Whenever she tried to speak, Roman would react, seething with rage and humiliation, yelling back at her, spitting out words that she had never heard from any other man she had been with. Nobody had ever spoken to her like that.
“So when I realized that I couldn’t talk to him… That he just wouldn’t listen, I…”
“That’s it. Roman – look. I hoped we could sort this out civilly, but-”
“Civilly? Are you fucking kidding me?!”
“…But we can’t. Not now. I do wanna talk to you, and try to explain. I really do. I am sorry I lied to you. It was a fucked up thing to do. But I can’t have this conversation, not in these terms, so please… Just get out of the car.”
“I asked him to please leave, and he wouldn’t. We fought some more…” Lisa looked up at Michael, and she could tell from the way his body had stiffened, and from the storm in his eyes, that he was as tense as a violin cord. “…And you know me, I’m not very patient. So, since he just wouldn’t get out of the car, I decided to just leave him there for a minute to cool off and take a walk. But…”
“Oh no, you ain’t getting out of this so easily!”
“He grabbed me. I tried to pull away… but Roman is strong, he yanked… And…”
He tugged at her so forcefully that she bounced against his shoulder and then back in the opposite direction, like a rag doll. Her petite frame helpless against his strong hold and that vein of violence he was suddenly displaying in such an unexpected manner. He used his superior strength to try to keep her inside the car, to move and twist her body in a certain direction, and when her hand finally managed to grab the door handle, attempting to push the car door open, he yanked again, even more violently. Lisa ricocheted between his solid chest and the door and her head slammed against the window. Once, twice. The impact was so violent that she saw black for a couple of seconds. Roman was still yelling, but Lisa could no longer make out his words.
“I banged my face against the car door, that’s all, Michael… Nothing major. I can be such a klutz…” She offered him a half-smile, but she was well aware that her eyes didn’t really convey the message.
And of course, Michael didn’t buy it.
“You’re not a klutz at all, and you know it. You’re hurt because he…” He closed his mouth shut and swallowed hard. Then shook his head.
And then everything became still and silent. Her eyes closed, Lisa leaned back into the driver seat and when she was able to focus again, she heard Roman’s steps fade into the distance. He had finally left… leaving her there. He was obviously unconcerned about her state. She opened her eyes slowly and saw him walk back into the country club, running his hand through his short, grey hair. Then tears fogged her vision.
“Look. It doesn’t matter. I was just a bit shaken, and I didn’t want the kids… or my mother, to see me like this. So I called Danny and asked him to please take care of Riley and Ben for a few days. And then I drove over here. I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I would have, though. I just needed some time.”
“I was worried sick. And you shouldn’t have driven anywhere, especially all by yourself. You should have called me right away and we should have gone to the hospital. You might have a concussion.”
Michael’s slightly trembling voice expressed the level of self-control he was trying hard to exert over himself. Lisa just stared at him for a moment, then sat up. Her hands reached up, framing his face, and she leaned her forehead against his. After a moment, his eyes fluttered closed. Tilting her head ever so slightly, Lisa kissed him. A slow, gentle kiss aimed to comfort him, to soothe him, just like he had done with her just minutes earlier. And wasn’t it wonderful how the mere touch of his lips managed to comfort her too?
The truth was that she had been terrified. Shaken didn’t really express the emotions she had felt after her fight with Roman. As she drove to Seal Beach, she was shaking from head to toe. Shocked. Then that had changed, and she had felt numb for quite some time. Then she had begun thinking about reporting Roman to the police. Eventually, she had come to the conclusion that she was not clear-headed enough to make any decision at the moment. And she had decided she needed to be alone for a few days, away from everything and everyone. Possibly taking the time for a great deal of soul-searching. It was long overdue.
“Michael… I am fine…” She spoke very close to Michael’s lips and he backed off, his warm hands still touching her carefully, his eyes inspecting her face with great concern.
“Are you sure…” His eyes narrowed. “Does it hurt…”
“Not much. It’s OK.” This time, Lisa’s half-smile looked more genuine. “It will be all gone in a few days. I promise.”
“Lise…” His brow furrowed and once again she saw him set his jaw. She rested her palm over his hand and went back to leaning her forehead against his.
“Would you kiss me again…?” Her lips only an inch away from his mouth, her words whispered. “…Please..?”
Exhaling a sigh, he did – and as usual the contact thrilled her, reawakened her, healed her. They exchanged nothing but soft pecks, their touch gentle, careful, tentative. It took Michael a bit to relax, but eventually he did. And when he did, when Lisa felt him sigh again, his lips came to rest over hers with more decision, and she immediately opened up to his kiss. It felt as if she was bathed into the sun. For a moment she forgot about everything. Roman, Zoe, her bruises and the shocking terror she had felt. Nothing else mattered but Michael being there with her. Her whole body seemed to respond to his chant and she sat up straight, her arms circling his neck, one hand in his hair.
Before she knew what was happening, he broke the kiss.
“Wait… Lise…” His breathing was uneven, and his voice sounded impacted.
“What…”
“I gotta do something, first… Just gimme a second…” As carefully as he could, as if he was afraid she would break, he managed to move her to a side and stood up, rummaging into the pocket of his coat. He grabbed his phone and flipped it open. She noticed that his hands were shaking.
“Michael? What’s going on?”
Throwing her a glance, he didn’t reply and turned his back to her.
“Wayne? Hey… No, I’m fine. Yes, you guys can head back to the ranch, we’re good here… But I need you to do something for me. You gotta call Ross and ask him to find out everything he can about someone… And track him down… I don’t care where he is, just find him. Write down his name… it’s…”
Lisa jumped onto her feet and snatched the phone away from Michael’s hand.
“Hey! Lisa!”
“Wayne? Hi, it’s Lisa. Yes, I’m good, thanks… You? Oh, great. Look, just ignore Michael, OK…” She glared at Michael and sat back on the couch. “No, I know he’s your boss, but… He got it wrong this time… Yeah, I’m aware… He’s just being a bit overbearing, but I’ll deal with him…. Wayne, I ask you to please wait… I got this…”
“Gimme my phone…” His voice low, neutral, Michael held out his hand. “Come on… Give it back…”
Lisa slammed the phone back in Michael’s palm and, without breaking eye-contact, he brought it up to his ear again.
“Wayne? …Yeah, I know. Just wait, don’t do anything… For now.” He rolled his eyes. “Yes, I will let you know. Thank you. Good night.”
He flipped the phone closed and chewed at the inside of his cheek.
“Why? I think we should report him to the police. And sue the shit out of him.”
“And I think he’s not important. Not now, at least.” Lisa reached out and took Michael’s hand, pulling him close until he once again sat down next to her. “You being here is everything that matters to me.”
A barely noticeable smirk appeared on his lips, but his eyes were smiling.
“I’m overbearing, uh…”
“I told you…”
“Protective is a more fitting term.”
“Overprotective works even better.”
“Well, I still think it’s a wonderful quality.”
She had to laugh.
“That’s another way to see it, I guess…”
This time he smiled, his arm coming around her shoulders, pulling her close. Leaning back into the couch and bringing her with him, Michael kissed her forehead and loved the feeling of her small hand resting over his chest, right on his heart. And there they stayed, for a bit, just enjoying the night closing in, and the rain playing its notes outside the small building.
Yeah… he had told himself that they could be friends. He had almost convinced himself it would work. He had no idea how much his soul, his body called out to her. How much he missed her. The bittersweet quality of that realization morphed into something else. Bitterness vanished, and all that was left was pure sweetness. He didn’t know what the future had in store for them, but that moment right there sure was a nice start. His back, his head that had been hurting non-stop for the past few days finally stopped bothering him, and the relief he felt at having her close, protecting her and being protected by her all at once, worked like a charm on his taxed nervous system.
Michael ran his fingers through Lisa’s long hair, he massaged her scalp and smiled when he felt her body relax even more against his. Her hand stroked his chest, lovingly, and she snuggled further into him.
“So… What now?” Her voice was barely audible.
Michael let out a deep breath.
“Well… You’re back to being officially single now, baby girl. And so am I… So maybe…”
Her hand fisted in his shirt, then her fingers opened again, her grip loosening. She knew he was only half-joking.
“I thought you were here as my friend.” She didn’t dare look up at him and preferred to stay put instead.
“Is that what you want me to be? ‘Cause sure lately we don’t only get along when we screw. So I guess we can be friendly. But that’s not what I’m here for… Unless, you know… Unless that’s all you want from me…” His turn not daring to search her eyes. Instead, he pulled her even closer and indulged in their physical contact some more. But then he felt heat rush up to his face and pulled back, tipping her head up with his fingers until they stared at each other. No, he was not going down this road again.
“No, you know what? Fuck that. I’m not here as a friend, period. I’m here because I need you to understand that I love you. Always have. I’m crazy in love with you.”
Lisa flinched, her face showing a weird mixture of delighted surprise and sudden anguish. She finally managed to pull back from his embrace.
“And I love you. Like mad. Sometimes way more than I would like. But that was never even in question, was it…” This time, she faced him dead on. “You want something more than my friendship?”
“…Yeah!”
She squared her shoulders.
“So I guess you wanna fuck? That’s what you’re here for? OK, let’s do that. But don’t… Just don’t think you gotta comfort me by telling me shit that won’t be true tomorrow, just because I got a couple of shitty days.”
“What?!” Her words stunned him. “Are you out of your mind? You think me wanting more than a friendship means that I wanna bang you?”
“You don’t? I’m just saying it as it is, Mike. Sex was never a problem for us. Everything and everyone else is. So let’s just not pretend all has changed. Or that you didn’t start this… You were the one telling me that life goes on, remember?” Her tough persona faltered as did her defiant tone. “I still felt you between my legs, and you told me… You…”
Oh, shit. He sure had. She was still salty about those stupid words he had blurted out only because he was scared shitless. Terrified of her leaving, of being rejected, of her not loving him anymore, of her choosing that other man. Which she had, for a little while. His words had been a dumb move, but Michael could not believe she was still clinging onto that more than she clung to the shiftest that their last breakup had been. He guessed stuff got to people in different ways.
“Yeah, I remember. I didn’t know what else to say back then. You putting up a front didn’t help either.”
“You just said we function just fine when we aren’t fucking…” Lisa scoffed. “Well, look at this. It doesn’t seem we get along at all right now.”
“No, of course we don’t unless we stop! Lisa…” Michael took her hand and held it, sandwiching it between his bigger, stronger ones. “Can’t you see what we are doing? Do you ever stop and think about that?”
“About what…”
Her voice getting huskier relieved him. He knew he still affected her, but the pendulum continually swinging back and forth between heaven and hell didn’t make him feel as safe as he wanted to be.
“The women I’ve been with… women who didn’t matter… and the men you chose to be with… men who don’t matter… because you know, you know… You know who the right one for you is. Just like I know who you are… to me. No matter how difficult things seem to be…”
“Seem to be? They are difficult!”
“But have we really tried to make ‘em easier? Our heads are stuck so up in our asses that I’m surprised we can still see the light of day! And yes, I know I told you that stuff when we first made love. I just couldn’t handle it, okay. But this darn tape thing… it showed me that we’re still the same people we used to be. Those people I see on the screen… it’s still us. We still have that connection. We’re still the real deal… we always have been… can’t you see it?”
“Yes. We’re still the same people who got married, then divorced, then got back together, and then broke up because… because…”
“Because you thought I was no longer committed and you felt insecure. And you were right. I was too scared to commit.”
“No, you were scared to commit because I fuck up every time. With everyone. Can’t you see it, Michael? It’s not you, it’s me…”
“Please, do not. Don’t give me the it’s not you it’s me speech. I think we deserve more than that.”
“You don’t get it. I am the one who should be alone. Look at what I turned Roman into. Look at what I have turned you into!”
“You turned me into what? Into the man who loves you? Yeah, that you did. And about Roman, fuck him. He never deserved you. He always was a little shit.” His grip on her hands tightened. “Lisa… Did you ever love him? Were you ever in love with him?”
“No. And yet I stayed with him and let you go. See how I function? I’m fucked up, Mike! Which brings us back to square one…” Lisa’s gaze dropped on their hands. Connected.
“No, it’s different. Scared or not, I wanna be committed now. I just have no idea if you are. But one thing I know. Remember when you told me you should have come back to me, last year?”
“Yes…” She nodded and Michael cocked his head until she looked up at him again.
“Well, I should have never let you leave. I should have run after you.”
Lisa scoffed. Then smirked, and for a moment her eyes turned playful.
“You couldn’t run. Your back hurt way too much.”
Michael chuckled.
“Right… Then I should have done it way earlier. Before you sent me those stupid divorce papers. I still think that was a dumb decision. But… you telling me to come with you, to get rid of all the people polluting our marriage… That wasn’t.”
Her smirk slowly disappeared from her face and he saw her eyes welling up in what looked like surprise and relief. Yeah… He knew. He had never really validated her when it came to that. He had never admitted anything of that sort before. That despite her childish temper tantrums, she did have a point when they had so foolishly decided to end their marriage even before giving it a real chance to grow. That wasn’t something that had dawned on Michael all of a sudden: it was something he had known for quite some time but had never brought himself to say out loud. Not to her, at least. Well, it was time for a change.
“Come here, girl…” He scooted closer to her and she went straight into his arms, once again hiding her face in his chest.
“Your heart is racing…”
Michael kissed her temple.
“That’s because you drive me nuts in all kinds of ways…”
“So… You don’t wanna make love to me?” Sniffling, she lifted her head to him. Her lips calling out to be kissed. And kiss her he did, until they were both breathless.
“Fuck, yes… I do. But I don’t wanna hear you say that we gotta be just friends, once we’re done…”
Her trembling sigh, her body shivering against him broke his heart. Maybe unloading all that shit on her hadn’t been the wisest decision, considering how stressed out she had been in the past couple of days, but God, she sure had the power to drive him mad!
Michael took a deep breath.
“Look… I’ll tell you what. You’re exhausted… and I am, too. Let’s just go to bed, ‘kay? Let’s just rest. And then maybe we can talk again tomorrow… God knows our night convos don’t always end up in the best possible way…”
Lisa smiled against his chest and didn’t move. Michael inhaled the scent of her hair and reached up, moving a strand of her hair from her face and kissing her head again and again.
“I guess I really am not in the condition of making any decision right now…” She kissed his chest, her warm breath caressing him through the material of his shirt, and it was incredibly sweet how familiar that small gesture was to him. “Maybe you aren’t either. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s OK. I want you so much… You have no idea. But just let me hold you, tonight. Just let me stay with you while you sleep.”
When he felt himself slowly swinging out of unconsciousness, like a feather blown by the wind, the first thing Michael thought was that he didn’t even realize he had fallen asleep. However, and unsurprisingly, it had happened.
After talking to Lisa, he had picked her up again like the little doll that she was, making her giggle, loving to hear the sound of her laugh, and had stridden over to the bedroom. It seemed that they had reached some sort of understanding and he was glad for the truce. Yes, resting was definitely a good idea. Even more than that: it was an excellent idea, since they would be doing it together.
He had placed her on the bed with extreme gentleness and had made sure she was snug and warm under the covers.
“You’re lying down with me, right?” She had looked up at him with those blue-green eyes, and they were so open, so vulnerable. Unguarded in a way he had not seen in quite some time.
Michael had started unbuttoning his shirt.
“Of course.”
Wearing only his t-shirt and his boxers, he had climbed in bed with her, resting on his back. Lisa had immediately found his body and snuggled against him. Her head resting over his chest. They had not exchanged any more words and, at one point, he had heard her breathing deepen. She had fallen asleep. He hadn’t realized that he, too, had followed her within minutes.
Now, as his senses came back to him, what Michael felt were her hot lips on his naked skin. Blinking, he noticed that the room was still partly illuminated by a lamppost right outside the house. It was nothing but a fleeting realization because, immediately after, all he could focus on were Lisa’s kisses on his abdomen.
She had scooted down a little and lifted his t-shirt just enough to have access to his torso. Her long hair tickled his side and he shivered. He also noticed that another part of him was very much awake. She was such a snake charmer!
“Lise…”
“Have I ever told you…” She spoke in between kisses and little nips. “How much I love that deep, raspy voice you got when you wake up?”
“Not that I recall, no…” He cleared his throat and, almost out of his own volition, his hand came to rest on her head, stroked her hair, then traveled to the side of her face, caressing her with the back of his fingers. “I thought you were out like a light…”
“I was… until a few moments ago…” She didn’t stop kissing him and her hands accompanied the journey of his t-shirt up his chest. Very helpfully, Michael took it off and leaned back once again, gazing down at her, loving the feeling of having her so close. In so many different ways.
“And then?” Relaxing, he too reached down and started exploring her smooth skin underneath the flimsy t-shirt she was wearing. Lisa’s kisses reached his chest, his collarbone, his neck and he closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the pillow. He heard the swishing sound of the fabric and when he looked at Lisa, she was wearing nothing but her g-string. Well… fantastic.
“And then I woke up… because you being so close always does that to me… in so many different ways…” Her small hands cradled his head and she searched his mouth. They kissed, as he slowly pushed her panties down. “Mike…”
“Yes…” His turn to let his lips explore her neck. His kisses tracing a route down to her breasts, his hands moving up her naked back.
“I love you… so much…”
She kissed him again, more passionately, and he helped her get rid of his boxers. He moved her body and made her sit astride him.
“I love you too… so much…”
The moment she started swaying against him, burning him with her liquid heat, he swallowed hard. They never broke eye-contact.
“I think I was able to sleep and think at the same time, you know…” Her eyes about killed him. They were still open and honest as he had seen them when he had taken her to bed, but there was also something else, now. They had turned smoldering. The light illuminating her from behind made her look like an evanescent fairy. Her center undulating against his dick, however, felt very much real.
“Really?”
“Yeah, really… You strutting in like you own the place… picking me up, calling your detail like you’re some sort of movie hero… or something…” Still staring at him, she lifted her body and reached down, her hand closing around his steel. Michael swallowed again and kept caressing her everywhere. “I never told you… how hot that was…”
He sat up, her face so very close now. His hands on her ass.
“This is way hotter…” The way she touched him, stroked him about made him lose it right then and there. He kissed her again, with sudden urgency this time. “Take me inside, Lise… Take me back home…”
Biting her lip, her breathing uneven, a perfect mixture of sexual pull and surprised tenderness in her eyes, Lisa did just that. She tried very hard to keep her eyes open and anchored to his as he slowly breached her, but at one point she no longer could. Her eyelids lowered and she threw her head back, arching against his body, moaning softly.
“Baby… God… You’re so…”
Their journey had reached its destination. It was now time to find another itinerary. It was also time to heal.
“There you go, baby girl… Just like that… Come on…” Holding still was such heavenly torture. She was so warm, so tight. So perfect. His hands on her waist, Michael didn’t move and granted her all the time in the world to savor this sacred moment. Because he knew, he felt that this was way different from anything they had shared in their hurried, unbridled encounters in the past few months. This was deliberate. This was meaningful as it was supposed to be all along.
She finally sat down on him fully and her arms circled his neck.
“…Damn big…” Her breath caressed his ear. “…You feel so good…”
Shit, she did too. She felt divine.
Once again her lips found him and his tongue invaded her mouth, taking control. When she whimpered again, in the kiss this time, he could no longer hold back and started moving inside of her.
“Oh… fuck…” Nothing but a whisper panted in between kisses, her body melting against him.
“So… what did you think about, while…” Damn! Talking as he did this was way more complicated than he thought. “…while you were asleep…”
“That… You know…” She pushed him back unceremoniously, her hands on his chest, holding him down, as she started to ride him properly. “We can try… We can start again, that is… If you’ll have me…”
Michael reached up, his fingers closing in her long hair, pulling her down to him, kissing her like mad. Unspeakable joy fogging his senses and his ability to speak.
“OK…”
“OK?” She smiled against his lips and he did, too. “Please don’t be so verbose…”
“Yeah… OK…”
One more scorching kiss, the rhythm of their dance picking up.
“We can… see how it goes…”
“And figure it out… Day by day?”
“Exactly… Day by day.”
He rolled over, bringing her with him, never leaving her body and came to rest on top of her. Pulling her leg up against his hip, he pushed into her hard and she cried out, her fingernails digging in the solid muscles of his back.
“Sounds perfect.”