Arcanum 6 – The Hierophant
The Pope could represent a master, a teacher, or a guide, but also an idealized paternal figure (the acolytes would then symbolize his children), a married man, a saint. He also symbolizes an act of communication, a union, a marriage, and all the means used for communication. As a bridge or pontiff, The Pope evokes a guided communication that knows where it is heading.
After the accumulation of The High Priestess preparing for birth, the aimless bursting forth of The Empress, and the stability of The Emperor, The Pope brings an ideal. While remaining part of the material world, he points the way to an ideal dimension with certainty.
“Michael?”
Michael heard him even before he spoke. He smiled but kept his eyes fixed on the water and, all the while, reached up and loosened his tie. No reason to be all preppy any longer, at this point. The night was over. He just wanted to go home and try to sleep for a bit. If only…
“Bill. Bill Bray. You found me.”
“I always find you. You know that.” Bill laughed and rested his hand on Michael’s shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. “You wanna leave?”
“In a minute. I love this place, it’s so peaceful and quiet…”
“Yeah, we’re not used to those things, are we? Peace and silence. Well… you never were, kid.” Sighing, Bill too sat on the huge rock, next to Michael. They stayed like that for a bit, just listening to the sounds of the night.
“Doesn’t your new ranch have a lake?”
Michael smiled again, in the darkness.
“It has several, actually. The property is huge. You’re coming for a visit soon, right Bill?”
“Yeah. Of course, as soon as you move in. Or whenever you want me to.”
Bill was a steady, unshakeable presence in Michael’s life. One of the few people he knew had his back, no matter what.
“Then come, whenever you want.”
He picked up another small rock from the grass and threw it in the water. A bird flew away in the distance. More silence followed.
“I bumped into Lisa Marie just a minute ago, while I was looking for you.” Bill extracted a couple of candies from his pocket and offered one to Michael. Then he discarded the other one and put it in his mouth. “She looked a bit flustered. Are you two OK?”
Michael just shook his head and grinned in a very nonchalant way, pretending to be busy discarding his candy. Were they OK? Good question. He didn’t know. What were they, first of all? Another issue that didn’t have an answer, at least for the time being.
“Oh, I see… You wanna be all secretive with me. Fair enough. Did you guys manage to talk it out, at least?”
“Talk it out, what?”
“Whatever it is that you got going on. Mike, I told you to take what Mrs. Priesley said with a grain of salt. But of course, you went off like a rocket. You just never listen.”
“Come again?”
Bill laughed lowly.
“Moron.”
“Yeah, I know.” Michael turned to look at Bill. “How was she? Lisa Marie…”
“I told you. Flustered.”
“But like, in a good way?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.” Bill’s eyes were playful and Michael just shrugged his shoulders. “It’s obvious that she was here… with you.”
“We talked for a bit. She told me that she isn’t engaged. She had just been seeing someone… Or maybe she still is. I’m not sure.”
“Just like you had been seeing a few lady friends… Or maybe you still are. Right?”
“It’s not the same.”
Bill seemed amused.
“It’s not?”
“No, it isn’t. You know how my life is. That stuff… It’s never serious. It’s just… company.”
“Couldn’t it be the same for Miss Presley?”
Michael frowned and closed his mouth. He didn’t have an answer to that. Women were so different from men. Or at least, he had always been convinced they were. The idea they could be with someone just for the company’s sake didn’t really sound realistic to him. But the truth was that he had never been able to understand women that much. All his crushes, each and every single one of them, had ended up being confusing and disconcerting more than anything else, and the same was already happening with Lisa. Only, there was also something else this time, something that Michael couldn’t yet pinpoint. His desire to see her again, have her again, and all for himself. His slight irritation at the idea of her seeing other guys, even though he knew he had no right to be irritated at all and his feelings for Lisa were still blurry and unfocused. Making music was easier than being in a relationship, that was for sure. One of the reasons why, as of late, he had resorted to affairs. They were more manageable.
Looking back now, Michael was not even sure why at one point he had asked Brooke if she would marry him. It didn’t make any damn sense. And there was a tiny part of him convinced that he had asked only because he knew she would have said no. Which, of course, she had.
“Maybe. Not sure. I don’t know her at all.”
“But you would want to, right?” Bill sighed. “Mike… Lisa Marie seems to be a lovely girl. She’s also young. And her mom… she got her in her clutches, alright. Don’t know why. Maybe she’s just protective of her daughter. Maybe she’s afraid of people using her.”
“Well… I too was used before. More than once.”
“Oh, I know.” Bill stared at him, but Michael kept his face slightly turned away, only guessing the man’s gaze out of the corner of his eye. “So you know what it feels like, to be afraid someone’s gonna do that to you. Get what I mean?”
He did. He had women using him before. Stringing him along like a puppy, making him believe things that did not exist, if not in his mind. Walling up had taken some effort, but eventually Michael had gotten there, or at least so he thought. The arcanum, the enigma that Lisa seemed to be put everything into a different perspective once again, and the resulting feeling was both alluring and frustrating.
Two weeks later
Michael was lying down on his couch, at the Hideout. He was actually glad he wasn’t standing up, because he was not sure he would be able to stand still. He felt exhausted after about two weeks rehearsing non-stop, to the point that everything else in his life had been forced to take the back seat, but at the same time he was bouncy. And the idea to be calling Lisa, on her birthday, made him even more nervous.
Excited, really, because he planned to do so much more than calling her. If only she allowed him to.
Holding the receiver between his shoulder and his ear, he kept staring at the crumpled piece of paper where Lisa had scribbled down her number, the second night they had met at the funfair. That little piece of paper had once been wrapped around a piece of gum and still smelled like strawberries.
“Here… Just remember to call when I told you, unless you wanna bump into my mother again,” she had told him, giggling, as she took his hand and placed the precious number in his palm, and then gently closed his fingers in a fist. It had been such a weird yet tender gesture. Her hands were so small compared to his. Small and soft and warm. When she had used them to sandwich his, it had felt as amazing as kissing her.
So, yeah… A couple of weeks had passed, and he and Lisa had not spoken, nor they had seen each other at all. To be entirely fair, she had been in his mind on and off, as usual work draining him mentally and physically, occupying all the available space, not allowing anything else to breathe and grow. Or simmer.
But at night, sometimes, as he lay down in bed, in the darkness, she had appeared from the black waves that anticipated his very light, very delicate sleep. With her hooded blue eyes and those long eyelashes, with that mouth that sometimes was as mysterious as the Mona Lisa, a perfect mixture of a smile and a pout. She certainly was one of a kind.
Michael remembered the warm feeling of having Lisa’s memory there as he slowly floated from wake to sleep. It was odd. As if she somehow helped him rest. Well, not really her, but it seemed like the memory of her was enough. At times, at least.
On one occasion, however, nothing had worked and after not being able to close his eyes for almost forty-eight hours straight, he had brought himself to take part in a small party with his band, mainly in the hope of just exhausting himself enough through social life. Then he had met a friend’s friend and she had started to flirt with him, making Michael very much aware of her availability – had he wanted to take the chance. Feeling as tense as a violin cord and unable to unwind, he had indeed ended up taking advantage of the opportunity. He had also taken the girl – back to his hotel room. And then he had taken her in another way – against the wall, and finally on the bed.
The weirdest thing had happened while he was fucking the girl. Michael didn’t really remember the sexual act in itself, as he had been tired to the point that everything had assumed a certain dreamlike quality, but he recalled the feeling. The room was only dimly lit, and the girl’s naked body was illuminated by the moonlight coming in stripes through the Venetian blinds, painting her skin in a weird alternation of whites and blacks.
As he focused on pleasuring the lady – whose name in all honesty he no longer remembered – while taking his own pleasure in the process, his vision a bit blurry both because of the scarcity of light and his own exhaustion, her features had somehow started to change. Slowly but surely, they had turned into features that had begun to permeate his thought quite often, and even in the most impromptu moments. When he rehearsed, before he fell asleep, as he was in the car, being driven somewhere and stared at the roads running by like endless serpents.
The woman lying down on the bed, her thighs wrapped around his waist as he stood there, one knee on the mattress, his other foot solidly planted on the floor for leverage, had somehow become Lisa. It hadn’t lasted long, possibly a handful of seconds, but Michael remembered every detail vividly and he also knew he had been unable to peel his eyes off her. As he focused on the girl’s face, which turned into Lisa’s face for a moment – on those lips and those eyes – his thrusts had become more driven and purposeful, and his arousal had heightened tenfold. It had been wild – the sensations running through him like wildfire.
Of course, on a rational level Michael knew very well that the girl wrapped around him was not and could not possibly be Lisa, but the emotions were there, almost a tangible presence in the room.
Desire…
The lady had noticed his sudden burst of passion and she had arched her back, reveling in the pleasure he was giving her. Michael was glad Lisa’s name had not escaped his lips, as it would have been more than embarrassing. But anyway, later that night, as the girl finally left and he was able to lie down on the couch, feeling as he could sleep for a bit, for a minute he had considered calling Lisa.
However, it was way too late and he didn’t want to wake her up. Tomorrow, he had told himself before drifting off. Tomorrow. And then the next day he had been swept away by the million things he had to do.
So there was that.
January had come to an end, and he remembered what day it was. There were no excuses now. As a matter of fact, he finally had a reason to call her. And as he waited for the maid to pass the call to Lisa, he pretended not to realize how tense he was.
“Mr. Jackson?”
Goddammit! He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard the maid’s voice over the phone again. He held his breath.
“Yes?”
“Miss Lisa is going to take your call in a moment.”
He let the breath go.
“Thank you so much.”
A few seconds passed, and he heard the call being transferred to another line.
“Hello?”
Michael smiled.
“Happy birthday, Princess!”
He didn’t even know where the nickname had come from, but her heartfelt, surprised laugh was a great reward.
“You nut. Hi, Michael. Thank you.”
“You really didn’t think I would forget, did you?”
“I don’t know. Apparently not.”
“Well… I didn’t…”
His body relaxed on the couch, finally. The warm feeling was back. Lisa’s voice conveyed something that he could not really pinpoint. It was weird and unusual, but just being on the phone with her felt like a small victory. Now, if only he could fulfill his plan…
“Clearly not… By the way… Thank you for the flowers, Michael… They’re… wow. Beautiful.”
Right, so the large bouquet of blue roses had been delivered. And apparently she had appreciated the gesture. She sounded surprised and very, very soft. As if she indeed was not expecting anything for him. Which was OK. She didn’t know him well enough, not yet.
“They made me think of your eyes.”
“Did they? You’re a sap.”
His turn to laugh.
“A sap with a good memory, though.”
“Yeah… That is true. I thought you had left, by the way. You know, for your tour.”
“Without saying goodbye? Or at least trying to see you again? No way. I was just swamped. I’m sorry… I truly wanted to call you, but…”
He heard her sigh into the phone.
“Hey – I understand. You don’t need to explain anything. I know you’re a busy guy, it’s fine.”
She seemed fine for real. Michael didn’t know how he was supposed to feel about that. Maybe Lisa didn’t really care about him calling her at all, or perhaps she too had been busy. He had been so preoccupied with stuff to do that he hadn’t even tried to find out what she was up to, and now he was sorry he hadn’t.
“Well, I’m free now. I still have a few days before I leave, and I am back in California… So I was wondering, you know. Maybe if you’re up to it, maybe I can show you my ranch. I’m gonna turn it into my new home very soon, I would love for you to see it.”
“Oh… Well, I totally wasn’t expecting that. And I’d be glad to, if only…”
Michael’s stomach sunk.
“If only…?”
“I’m supposed to see some friends and…”
“Ah… I see. Is… Danny among them?”
The moment he said his name, Michael closed his eyes and bit his tongue. Why hadn’t he thought about it before uttering the word? What right did he have to ask her that? It wasn’t that he and Lisa were engaged or anything. He had no right to be jealous of her, let alone possessive. And yet he was, just a tiny little bit.
Lisa stayed quiet for a moment. When she spoke again, her voice came out a little colder than it had been up until that point.
“As a matter of fact, he is. And according to him, he’s been planning this party for quite some time and…”
“OK… No, look, I understand. Of course. This is such a last-minute thing. I don’t always…” Michael snorted, trying to shake off the sudden feeling of uneasiness. “…Plan things in advance or…”
Consider the idea that other people could say no. Yeah. He was well aware that it was a problem sometimes.
“If only you had let me know sooner…”
“Yeah… Well, whatever. Maybe another time?”
Once again, Lisa stayed quiet. What now? Did she expect him to beg? Insist? Let go? Women were confusing, as usual. Frustrating. Maybe it hadn’t been the worst idea in the world to just have one-night-stands, after all. Easy and noncommittal. As a matter of fact, way easier than this choppy, uncomfortable phone call. Michael bit his lips and for a moment, he wished he was elsewhere. The memory of previous situations where girls had looked interested in him until he had tried to move things just a bit forward way more painful than he would ever be able to admit. He would not allow Lisa – or anyone else, for that matter – to make him feel like that ever again. He was in charge now.
“Another time, when? You just told me you’re gonna leave for your world tour…”
OK, now she sounded like a hurt little girl. How was he supposed to interpret that?
“Ah… I don’t know. There’s so much stuff to do, still.”
“I understand.”
He closed his eyes and sighed.
“Well… I’m glad you got the flowers. And I’m happy you like them.”
“I love them. It’s probably the most beautiful bouquet I’ve ever received…”
She sounded as if she was smiling and relaxing. Michael took a deep breath and sank into the couch.
“Do you need to go, now, Lisa?”
“I still have some time… Wanna talk some more?”
“…Yeah.”
And so they did.
She had driven for over an hour without really having any destination in mind, only buying time and trying to digest the irritation and bitter surprise at having been blindsided so badly.
In the past, surely she had put herself in some inconvenient situations, and she was aware that she had only been lucky that the press hadn’t noticed. Or her mother, for that matter. But if her wild teenage days had taught her anything, it was to spot a fraud from afar. Or so she thought. This time, she indeed hadn’t seen it coming. And she was not willing to just go with the flow and pretend everything was fine and dandy, only to wake up the next day wondering what the hell had happened.
And so she had left, ignoring Danny’s protests and his clumsy attempt of holding her back. She was glad they had taken her car and, as far as Danny was concerned, one of his friends could take him back home, Lisa didn’t give a damn.
As she drove into the night and away from Danny’s little cabin near the woods, she had noticed that she was seething with irritation to be the point that crying wasn’t even a remote possibility. She was just pissed. Shaking her head, she had turned the radio on and listened to some music she didn’t even like – just to calm her nerves as she took the highway.
The next hour or so was a blur. She had driven all over Los Angeles, too wired to go back home – or maybe too ashamed – and too exhausted to stop by at one of her friends’ houses. She wanted to be on her own, but, at the same time and just like it often happened, she dreaded loneliness.
Michael came into her mind almost immediately and, at first, Lisa pushed the thought away, doing her best to ignore the bitter feeling rising in the back of her throat. He had been so sweet and yes, his offer had been a tad bit last-minute, but still… She hadn’t given him the time of day. Even though his flowers surely had surprised her and pleased her. The note attached to the bouquet sported what she assumed was Michael’s handwriting.
“Happy birthday.
M.”
It had made her smile. That he had remembered and that he had deemed her worthy of such a sweet gesture. But again, when he had called her, she had pretended she hadn’t been thinking about him at all. Even worse than that: she had rebuffed him when he had tried to make plans for the night.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Even in retrospect. Especially in hindsight.
And now it was too late, Lisa thought as she pulled over near a diner, not really feeling hungry, but just wishing to be illuminated by the yellowish lights of the neon sign for a moment. Out of the darkness just for a little bit.
Surely Michael would be chilling with someone else now, and maybe he would not be calling her any longer. After all, Lisa doubted such a powerful man was willing to be rebuffed by a twenty-year-old with a big name and not much else to offer. Closing her eyes, she shook her head. Of course, Michael had appeared to be so much more, or so much else than the powerful artist she had imagined him to be. In so many ways he was just a guy, a guy asking a girl out.
And she had said no. Wasted her opportunity.
Unless…
Frowning, she took a deep breath and looked down at her own hand, tightly clasped in her lap. She was still nervous, and not even driving around had calmed her down. She didn’t want to go home.
She wanted to see Michael.
But would she be ready to hear him say that it really was too late, and that he now had different plans for the night? Plans that didn’t involve her any longer?
Well… Maybe yes. Maybe it was worth a try, after all.
Grabbing her purse, Lisa got off the car and walked over to the diner.
The place was half-empty, and a couple of middle-aged people turned to look at her as she approached the counter. The lady behind it looked tired and her face showed, without any doubt, that she wanted to be anywhere else but there.
“Good evening…” Lisa rested her hand on the counter but didn’t sit on the stool.
“Evening… What can I do for you?”
“A coke, please, and… a telephone? Can I make a call?”
The lady eyed Lisa for a moment, maybe wondering where she had seen those eyes and those lips before. Yeah… it happened often.
“Sure… around the corner, near the bathroom. And sorry for the smell… One of the toilets is broken.”
Oh, great. Lisa nodded her head and smiled.
Michael was a bit frantic, but also very happy that his ranch didn’t have a full staff working there on a permanent basis, yet. Of course, he had made sure the place was more than livable and had already moved part of his stuff there; however he only visited every now and then, when he could. Other than that, his life was like a flipper ball ricocheting from stages all over the world to hotels, from recording studios to offices. He had never really thought about settling down, as he was in constant motion and his career had been caught in an upward parabola for about a decade.
However, that night the peaceful feeling of solitude struck him, as he waited outside the main mansion at the ranch, buried in his coat. The night was clean and chilly, the smoggy fog that enveloped Los Angeles just a distant memory in those countless acres where he had decided he would build his future.
And now he would be showing the place to the only girl he had been thinking about non-stop for the past couple of weeks.
Man! He was almost unprepared for that!
Lisa’s phone call had been surprising and unexpected. It had also risked falling flat on its face because, when the phone at the Hideout had started to ring, Michael was on his way out to his mother’s house. Already half out of the door. Katherine had called him right after his conversation with Lisa, asking him if he wanted to have dinner with the family. Michael, not having plans for the night, had accepted and had been almost tempted to not pick up the phone and leave, later that evening.
But then, after hesitating for a moment, he had stepped back into the foyer, entered the living room, and picked up the receiver. Thank goodness.
Shifting his weight from his talons to his tiptoes in a rhythmic motion, Michael remembered how shy Lisa had sounded over the phone. And, if his impression was correct, also a bit upset. Whatever had made her nervous had remained hidden, and Lisa had just told him that there had been a change of plans, and if he still wanted to see her later that night, she was now free.
Well, fucking fantastic. Of course, he wanted to see her. Glancing at his watch, Michael had mentally listed the things he needed to do to have Lisa experience the birthday date – or birth-night date – he had initially envisioned for her. He needed to call off his dinner with his family, then drive over to the ranch and have two bungalows set for the night. As a matter of fact, Michael kind of hoped he and Lisa would spend the night in the same building, and hopefully even in the same bed, but it would have been so impolite to assume she would give into him!
“Do you think you can drive over to Los Olivos?”
“You still wanna show me your ranch?”
Michael had smiled.
“Of course. Want me to pick you up? Where are you?”
“Beverly Hills. But don’t worry about it. I can drive myself there. I think it’s gonna take, what? A couple of hours?”
“Maybe less, at this time of the night. Just follow the route to Calabasas, then…”
“I know where Los Olivos is, Michael…” Lisa had giggled and he had relaxed.
“OK then… I think we’ll be there pretty much at the same time.”
“See you in a couple of hours, then?”
“Yeah… definitely.”
Eventually, he had managed to get there before Lisa and had been pleased to discover that the small staff at the property – three maids and five security guards – were not only happy to see him, but had also gotten the two bungalows ready.
“Waiting for company, Mr. Jackson?” Klevon, the guy had the gate, had asked him with a smile. There was no malice in his voice: he just seemed genuinely amused. Michael had blushed.
“Just waiting for a friend. Please, drive her to the main house when she gets here.”
“Will do, sir. Goodnight.”
And now Michael was waiting, listening to the sounds of the night. The place was so peaceful, and the view so vast that his sight got lost in it, unable to spot the borders of the property. It was a world inside the world and the more he spent time on the patio, on his own, the more Michael could easily imagine himself enjoying the place through the years. Maybe even getting old there. Old and happy.
When he heard Klevon’s suburban approaching, he instinctively cleared his throat and stepped into the walkway winding through the elaborate garden facing the mansion and down the parking spot.
He smiled when Lisa opened the car door, her eyes brighter than the stars in the dark blue sky.
The view was splendid. Dark green hills and valleys illuminated by the moonlight. Quiet. Peaceful. Perfect. Michael had noticed the spot the first time he had toured the property, and it had been there that he had taken Lisa after welcoming her in what would soon be his new home. It was important for him to show her the magic of the place and so, once they got there, he had turned the engine off and they had just stared at the horizon quietly for several minutes. It took Michael a while to speak, but when he did, it was because he felt that she was somehow ready. Lisa had been quiet since her arrival, just hugging him and staying in his arms a little longer than he expected, her cheek against his chest. It had felt amazing.
“So… wanna tell me what happened?”
He shifted on the seat slightly, staring at her. The space inside the golf cart small enough to keep their bodies in contact. Lisa’s cheekbones were flushed and she looked even more petite than usual, wrapped as she was in one of his puffy jackets. Michael had made sure she was warm enough against the chill of the night.
Her eyes found him and they were sparkling, maybe because of the cold, or possibly because of emotions she had not yet given voice to.
“What do you mean, what happened?”
Michael smiled. He knew that she was fronting, but he also sensed that she was dying to tell him what had transpired, what had prompted her to drive for two hours just to see him again. Making him a very happy guy all of a sudden. And in all honesty, he too wanted to know.
“What changed your plans… I thought you had a birthday party scheduled.”
“That’s what I thought, as well.”
He frowned.
“And then you didn’t?”
Lisa opened her mouth to say something, then shook her head and her gaze dropped. Out of pure instinct, Michael reached out and sandwiched her small hand into his own bigger ones.
“Hey… I do know. What it feels like, I mean… To never know who you can trust. Who’s safe to say stuff to.” He tilted his head and they stared at each other for a moment. “But you can trust me. I just wanna know why you look so upset.”
“Do I?”
“Yeah. A bit.”
“Michael… I don’t want you to think that I drove over here because of that. I’m here because I wanted to see you…” Her features showed her desperate internal struggle to believe his words. “I really did…”
It was the truth. The moment Lisa had seen him again, her heart had soared and taken a leap in his direction. Just watching him stand there, in the cold, waiting for her had been enough to make it all worth it.
Michael stared at her some more, from one eye to the other. Then he leaned forward slowly, kissing her lips ever so slightly. It was the chastest kiss. He saw her eyes closing, her shoulders relaxing, then she sighed and her free hand came up, touching his cheek. She was the one kissing him this time, lingering against his lips for a moment. Finally, she pulled back.
“You’re too much, you know that, right?”
Michael laughed.
“I am not. So… Lisa, what brings you here?”
Her features softened, became more unguarded. Her hand stayed at its place, touching his cheek. Her other hand was still sandwiched in between his and she marveled at how safe and secure she felt at that very moment.
“You. You brought me here… I am not sure I even realized it until I saw you on that pathway. You and the need to feel safe… to be in a place where I could just be myself without the fear of…” She scoffed. “I don’t even know what.”
Michael was serious now, just waiting for her to continue. If she so was inclined. He could tell that opening up wasn’t an easy task for Lisa, and the similarity with his own behavior was uncanny. The difference, however, was that she looked genuinely rusty in the feat, while he… Well, he had tried and tried and tried some more, and failed almost every time. Trusting the wrong people. Ending up betrayed and hurt.
“So… Anyway, Danny had supposedly planned a little birthday party for me. But that happened before… You know, before I told him that we could only be friends, he and I. I don’t think it’s his fault, but likely he was no longer interested in the whole party thing… And I can’t blame him for that. At the same time, it seemed to me that he didn’t want to break his promise…”
Michael just nodded his head and felt the loss when Lisa’s hand moved from the side of his face and back into her lap.
“…I guess that’s why I ended up in his cabin in the woods. Only Danny and a bunch of his friends were there. They turned one of their evenings into some kind of phony party for me… Which was OK, I mean… It’s not that I think I’m entitled to anything special.” Another long pause. Her eyes scanning the hills surrounding her and Michael. “It would have even been fine, if one of those dudes hadn’t tried to make a move on me and forced me to leave.”
“What?” Michael narrowed his eyes. “One of those men assaulted you?”
“No, no… That’s not what happened… I…” She shook her head, then took a deep breath. “He just made me uncomfortable, so I left. That’s all.”
That guy had pushed her against a wall and touched her, and eventually she had broken free. She had told Danny to fuck off when he had stumbled out of the cabin, asking her to stay in a slurred voice. Don’t be silly, he had yelled after her as she walked over to her car. No, she wasn’t silly. She was done and over with the night.
Right now, however, Lisa really didn’t feel like being specific. Not even with Michael.
“And you came here because you thought you would feel safe… With me…”
“Yeah… I don’t know why. I don’t even know you that well.”
Their voices were very calm, very even. The conversation almost hushed, like a whisper in the night.
“Lisa… Had it happened before?”
He needed to know.
“What?”
“That a guy made you feel uncomfortable…”
She just stayed quiet. Oh yeah, it had happened, more than once. Since she was barely a teenager. But she couldn’t tell him that. She didn’t want to dirty their night together with things she could not change. Things that belonged to the past. Things that didn’t define her any longer. Maybe. Hopefully.
She looked up, grinning at him, her eyes once again bright.
“Not at this very moment. I am happy to be here… with you.”
He seemed pleased, but managed to keep his face plain. He blinked.
“You said Danny had been planning a party for you until you told him…”
“That we could just be friends…”
Michael inhaled deeply and held his breath for a moment.
“What changed?”
This time she looked up and straight into his eyes.
“I think you happened.”
The drive back to Lisa’s bungalow was quiet. She seemed to be wondering about the conversation and Michael didn’t really know what to say. He had stayed calm and he hoped he had been able to comfort her; however, what she had told him had enraged him. He had sensed that what had happened to Lisa was likely worse than she had made it out to be… And that was perhaps because it was not her first experience of that kind. The whole thing had made Michael seethe.
Driving the golf cart slowly back toward the little houses, in the chill of the night, had helped. He had wished so much that their moment on the small hill facing the best part of the property could be romantic… Instead, it had turned into a confession. The bitterness of what had been said and unsaid was like a skein: too complicated to untangle, at least at the moment.
The kiss had been the best part of the night so far. Together with having Lisa there. Usually he stayed at the ranch on his own, just to unwind, with minimal staff around. For a man who was never alone, solitude was sometimes craved.
But not this time. Lisa sitting next to him, as he slowed down the cart near the bungalow, felt just so pacifying. So… right. The idea of having to say goodnight to her made Michael sad.
She climbed down the cart even before he could turn the engine off. For a second, he thought she would just run away and slam the door of the bungalow shut. And avoid him until the next day.
But that was not what Lisa did. Quietly, she walked around the golf cart and tugged at Michael’s sleeve, an imperceptible smile painted on her face. He was still sitting in his seat and didn’t really know what to do, so he just waited. Maybe Lisa was going to tell him more. More about what had happened before she arrived at the ranch. More about her staying… For how long, for example.
Instead, she stepped closer and into his personal space and her eyes found him. He felt studied, naked and defenseless despite her visual scrutiny not being annoying at all. Only unsettling, but not necessarily in the wrong way.
Lisa’s eyes fell on his lips, then moved again, staring at him.
“I don’t think you have any idea what it means to me…”
“What?”
Michael’s voice came out hoarse and whispered.
“That you listened. That you tried to understand.”
He tilted his head and his hand came up, cupping her cheek. She leaned into the touch.
“Lisa…”
She moved one final step forward and kissed him, and his hand moved behind her neck, holding her in place as they finally allowed the passion they felt to run free. The kiss was intoxicating and unlike anything he had experienced before. He wanted it to stop and never end at the same time.
When they broke apart, they were both breathless and Michael felt his blood thump into his ears. Looking at her, he could tell that she too was affected.
Her hands were holding onto the lapels of his jacket.
“Wanna come in?”
He swallowed.
“Yeah…”