Arcanum 20 – The Sun
The Sun is a good omen for all new construction; it indicates unconditional love is at work and foretells success based on an ardent and enlightened approach. This is the crystallization of the amorous couple, the achievement of success, a realization in any domain of human life—in its emotional, intellectual, creative, or material aspects. It is also the beginning of a new life in which past difficulties are left behind; the meeting of a kindred spirit, signing a good contract. The Sun also represents the ideal values of the paternal archetype, including the awakening of the male spirit and intelligence in the heart of the feminine. It can also indicate the dominance of the father image in the question that has been asked, that the questioner has been deeply stamped by his presence (an impassable father) or absence, which would have led the questioner to forge an ideal image of the father that could well be too mythical to match reality.
The heat of the sun is available to everyone at every moment. However, we should not forget that too much sun causes death and aridity and can transform the land into a desert.
Honoka’ope Bay, Kohala Coast, Hawaii – September 1989
At first it was nothing but a voice whispering in his head, and he already knew it was a dream. Michael also recognized the voice – sultry, low, slightly husky. It was Lisa’s, it couldn’t be more obvious.
But then there was also something else: a place he had never seen before, that didn’t look like anything he had visited in his life. It almost seemed to come from another planet. He was on a beach, and the sand was yellowish – which was pretty standard. It was a sunny morning, he could feel it from the heat of the sun hitting his skin without hurting it – which was weird, since in the past few years his doctors had been more than adamant: his skin conditions didn’t allow him to sunbathe any longer. Hell, it was even worse than that: he would be forced to stay in the shadow all the time for the rest of his life.
It had been painful to hear those words. However, the lucid clarity that accompanied Michael’s dream allowed him to fully enjoy the experience, as fleeting as it was. This sun right here didn’t hurt. It wasn’t dangerous. He didn’t need any shades, nor his hat. The sky, however, was pink, with lilac puffs of clouds – an unnatural color, just like the intense blue of the water. Michael had never seen a sea like that.
He was living his dream from a subjective point of view and he knew he was standing on the beach. That his feet were naked, buried in the warm sand. He felt the salty breeze coming from the waves every time they crashed against the shore. He was also alone, but not really. He was a man who had been to hell and back and, in doing so, he had found his Eurydice and had been able to bring her home. In his dream, he was Orpheus and he wasn’t part of the world that he had always known. This was another world. Another time, another place. If a parallel or a future one, he didn’t know.
What he did know was that Lisa was there too, somewhere. He just couldn’t see her. Not yet.
Until she touched him. Not in that world, but in this one. Her hand warm on his skin. Her fingertips tracing his chest, his muscles. Her lips, warm and soft, against his shoulder, kissing him lightly.
“Talk to me,” he said. But not in this world. In that other time and place – a future or a parallel one.
“Michael…”
Like a distant echo, echo, echo.
“Talk to me again. Where are you?”
“Michael… Baby. I’m right here. With you.”
He opened his eyes, letting go of the dream – almost half-heartedly. However, he was immediately comforted when he remembered where he was – and who with. Lazily, he blinked and pulled Lisa closer, until her head came to rest over his chest. He would stay in bed with her just for a little while still, just experiencing the peace.
God… the past six months had been a roller-coaster. At times he still wondered how he had even been able to survive after that massive scare, back in May. When Lisa had undergone the premature and very complicated delivery of their daughter. Riley was born almost three weeks earlier than initially planned.
Those had been painful, heartbreaking moments. To see Lisa like that – in so much pain, so pale – yet so determined. There had been blood everywhere and Michael would have done everything to be at her place, just not to have her suffer that way. However, she had never given up and her devotion had cut his heart open. Even when things had looked as if they were spiraling out of control, she had always remained conscious and lucid, holding onto his hand with all the energy she had left. Telling him that everything would be OK. That he didn’t need to worry. That she got this.
But how could he not worry? He had been so terrified of losing her. After long hours of agony, Lisa had finally given birth to their baby and had pretty much allowed herself to pass out. Right then and there, for a moment Michael had found himself thinking what he would have done without her. What would happen to him if he lost her forever. The mere idea had been intolerable and when she eventually had woken up again, and the regular beep-beep-beep of the machines had assured him that she was indeed slightly better, he had broken down and had cried like a little boy.
He had felt gratitude, and relief, and devotion, and love – all at once. Like a ball of fire burning deep into his heart. At that very moment, when he and Lisa had held their baby for the first time, he had realized that the God he had always searched had just manifested itself in real life one more time. It had been such an enlightening moment in a way, that realization that he felt finally accomplished in all aspects of his life: material, creative, emotional. This was what beginnings were all about. This was the crystallization of the very concept of harmony. And he had prayed he would be able to feel that unconditional love forever, knowing well that he would work hard to do just that.
About a week later, they were all back home – in their new mansion at Hidden Hills. With their baby girl who was perfection personified. The bliss had almost blinded Lisa and Michael both. There was absolutely nothing they had been paying attention to, nothing but each other and Riley.
Riley and her curly dark hair, her huge blue-green eyes, her little chubby hands.
It had taken Frank a few days to finally show up at the mansion and tell Michael that the crowd of journalists camping outside the gates of the community was not going to go away anytime soon. That, by being too private, Michael and Lisa were only fueling their behavior.
“So? Let them do whatever they want. See if I care.”
“OK, I know you don’t, but the people in the community aren’t happy, Mike… They want those paps gone. They live in a gated neighborhood for a reason…” Frank had put a cigar in his mouth.
“Don’t light that crap in here.”
“I’m not! I’m just chewing on it, see?” He had opened his arms in a pacifying gesture. “I’m nervous, Michael. This is publicity, lots of it, but you said you wanted some quiet, peaceful time… That you and your girls wanted to be left alone and stuff… Well, let me tell ya: this ain’t the right way.”
Michael had chewed on the inside of his cheek, then had asked Dileo to wait for him in the living room as he went upstairs. Lisa was in the master bedroom, breastfeeding Riley in bed and Michael had stopped at the door, leaning against the door frame, just taking a moment to observe them. Those two – they were his whole world.
“Hey, stranger…” Lisa had smiled without even looking up.
Michael had walked over, sitting on the bed by her side. Kissing Lisa’s forehead and resting his hand on the baby’s head is a gentle caress.
“Hey, beautiful. How’s my little jewel?”
“As you can see, your little jewel is hungry, as usual. What you up to?”
“Not much… Frank is downstairs.”
“I heard his lovely voice, yes.”
He had smiled, while playing with Lisa’s hair. There was a suffused peace about her now, something that hadn’t been there before the birth of their baby. Motherhood had somehow become her, and Lisa seemed calmer, wiser. She also sparkled, and she had never looked more beautiful to Michael.
“Right. He wanted to talk about the media out there. He thinks they won’t go away anytime soon.”
Lisa had kept her eyes fixed on Riley.
“He has a point. What do you think about it?”
He had blinked, his gaze lowering.
“I think Frank is right when he says they need to go. This community – and us – deserve some peace.” He had paused. “We should give them something to chew on… Put an end to the speculations.”
Finally, Lisa’s eyes had found his.
“Any ideas?”
The whole conversation had felt somehow redundant and rhetorical. She knew what he was going to say, but they were both playing along.
“I was thinking about making an announcement. Telling everyone that we have gotten married and that we have indeed welcomed a baby. They’ll have something to talk about and hopefully they’ll leave us alone for a while.” They had stared at each other. “What do you think? Are you OK with this?”
Lisa’s hand had come up, touching his face. The faith she had in him was adamant in that little contact.
“Sounds good, baby.”
And so they had done it and it had even worked. It had worked for real, beyond Michael’s best expectations and possibly for the very first time, the media reports were not a barrage of mockery and idiocies. They were mixed. Some outlets seemed pleased. Others even celebrated what they called “the merging of two of the most powerful musical families in the world.” It felt surreal – and satisfying. Besides, the “secrecy” rule that Michael had set for himself had started to backfire on him quite a bit lately, he had noticed it. Changing the course had been burdensome, because in his mind he had thought that the best way to go was to be shrouded in mystery all the time, but it had to be done. No more illusions and rumors, no more secrecy. What he now had – his wife, his kid, his family – came first, and could be public to an extent. People could either decide to accept it and deal with it or not. His life was different now.
And with now, Michael included even this very moment.
“Are you awake yet?”
Lisa’s sultry voice reeled him back and he blinked. Smiling up at her, he raked his fingers through her long hair and pulled her close for a kiss. They had slept maybe an hour or so, but it was OK. Honeymoons were not made for sleeping.
He broke the kiss and stared into her eyes.
“What do you think?”
Lisa laughed, making him smile. God, she was just so gorgeous. Her hair slightly shorter and lighter now, her skin tanned, she was beyond beautiful. And she was all his.
“I don’t know, babe. I guess we’ll see in a minute.” She bit her lip and caressed his chest, her palm drawing lazy circles. “By the way… What was your dream about?”
“How do you know I was dreaming?”
“Because you were calling me.”
“Was I?”
“Yeah. You asked me where I was… And then told me to talk to you.”
Michael’s brow furrowed. The contours of his dream were indeed becoming blurry. He realized that he couldn’t recall what had been almost tangible as long as his eyes were closed.
“I don’t remember… It was just so vivid a minute ago, but now it’s gone… I just remember the beach, the sea, the sun…”
“Well, maybe you were just reliving the past week here on the island.”
“No, it was different. I was standing in the sun.”
Lisa’s face softened and she stayed quiet for a moment. She traced his chin with her fingertips, then leaned in to kiss him again.
“It’s OK, love… I’ll warm you up just fine…”
He loved how quickly she could turn his melancholy into something else. Something better. He also loved to wake up naked by her side. It had become a bit of a habit since they had landed in Hawaii.
They had been staying at the Kohala Coast house for about a week or so, together with their baby. Just taking some time for themselves – to decompress, regroup after the barrage of events that had permeated her lives, and to relax. Michael had been surprised when Lisa had offered, as the property belonged to the Presleys.
“Is your mom OK with it?”
“I sent a note to let her know. She has done nothing to stop me. So I guess it’s fine.”
Well, then… For once, he had been kind of glad he wouldn’t be the one planning every little thing to the last detail. Lisa had taken care of everything, and a few days later they were enjoying the eleven-thousand square-feet of luxurious indoor and outdoor space. The spa, the sauna, the large garden. The amazing view from the lanai was a sight to behold, it almost felt surreal in its intensity. The place was so peaceful, and he wondered if maybe they could buy another mansion abroad soon. Something all theirs. Maybe in Africa, which he loved with all his heart and couldn’t wait to show Lisa.
However, Hawaii hadn’t been half bad either, so far…
Michael had felt pampered and loved, and hadn’t minded one bit not to be in charge. As a matter of fact, since he and Lisa had gotten married, it had become easier and easier to just let go and let her take the lead from time to time.
Speaking of which… He loved how the blinding white of the sheets created a perfect contrast with his wife’s tanned skin as she finally sat up, coming to sit astride his legs. The sheet fell and he was welcomed by her nudity, by the rays of the morning sun caressing her body.
“Just relax, daddy… I’ll make it good, I promise…”
A man like him could only tolerate so much submission. Smiling, he interlaced his fingers with hers. He pulled her down, toward his mouth, his tongue immediately seeking entrance, stroking hers. Lisa moaned into the kiss and then her lips moved down, finding his neck, his collarbone. Her hands letting go of his and stroking his torso and sides. Michael closed his eyes, sighing.
“Bring it on, then… Before our little one wakes up…”
He felt her smile between kisses and little bites as she kept moving down his body like a cat. Her lips on his abdominals, her tongue circling his navel as her hand found him and held him. He strained against her touch, his hips moving up suggestively. Lisa grinned and gazed up at him with eyes that looked drugged.
“Something you want, my love?”
Michael swallowed and reached down, caressing her hair, then closing his fist in it. Slowly guiding her head where he wanted it as Lisa – who obviously could read his mind – pushed the sheet away, uncovering his naked body. Her hand started to stroke him – not that he needed anything to become harder still.
“Oh, I see… Is this what you want?” Her mouth closed on him for a short, heavenly moment and he moaned. His heartbeat accelerated right away. He cleared his throat when she let him go. “Like this?”
“Oh yeah… Take it, baby…”
Lisa looked up, her eyes sparkling and her face half-covered by her long hair. He knew it did something to her, to hear him dirty-up his vocabulary when they made love. She adored it when he made her feel powerful and encouraged.
“Will you show me how you want it?”
And then, like clockwork… There it was. The concession of power that he needed.
Biting his lip, Michael pushed her head down again just as his hips thrust up slightly. The purr she let out reverberated straight into his groin and he let out a sigh. Lisa’s hands gently resting on his sides, strands of long hair caressing his skin enhanced the already mind-blowing experience as he kept moving inside her mouth, in perfect sync with her. This was heaven. This was pure perfection.
Propping up on his elbow and staring down at her, he kept his fingers tangled into her hair as she kept giving him head the way she knew he liked. God – he had never experienced such pleasure with any other woman. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Lisa so obviously loved to have him in her mouth, or to the fact that it made them feel both the taker and the giver. Either way, the end result didn’t change.
“There you go, that’s it… Good girl… Oh, shit…”
The way she was carrying on, he knew that he wouldn’t last long. And then her hands let go of his sides, and one came to cradle his testicles. At the same time, the other disappeared behind her legs and the ball of fire started to materialize in the pit of his stomach. He kept playing with her hair, not really knowing what else to do to control this.
“Fuck… Keep going… Yeah…”
The movement of his hips increased slightly and her little whimpers and moans testified of her own impending climax. Colors started to appear in stripes and spots in Michael’s vision as he saw her tremble. Her lips closed in on him even tighter and Lisa started to come. He followed her almost instantly – holding her head down, knowing well that she loved it when he did so.
He kept jerking and spasming in her mouth and she never, ever let him go until she was sure that he was finished. That he was spent. Then she kissed him lovingly, her hand still stroking him, holding him. Making him shiver and moan. And how unsurprising it was that he was far from soft…
The connection he had with this woman, the unspoken acceptance and delight they had for one another was beyond this world. And since they had resumed making love after Riley’s birth, their bond of passion and possession had become even stronger than before. Their desire for each other had multiplied tenfold. And Lisa had become even more of a sex-fiend than she already was. Not that he complained… In fact, he wanted to wake up like this every single day of his life.
“Well, well…” Her lopsided smirk made him laugh breathlessly. Of course, she had noticed that they could play some more.
“Whatcha gonna do about it?”
Michael pulled her up and kissed her, held her in his arms and Lisa started to sway against his steel. Her movements slow and rhythmic, her warm wetness even more arousing.
“I don’t know… I was thinking about taking you inside…”
That was a great idea, indeed.
Her tongue in his mouth, she reached down and guided him within. They both moaned as he breached her, and he felt as if he was dipping into a furnace of pleasure. She was hot, tight, perfect.
“Goddammit…”
“Oh, shit… daddy… You’re so fucking big…” She swallowed hard. “I love how I always gotta struggle to take you…”
His lady sure knew how to please him. Both with words and deeds. But looking up at her flushed cheeks and at the expression of intense concentration on her face, Michael also knew that it was the truth.
Thrusting up suddenly, he made her cry out. He knew how to push her without ever hurting her and when she opened her eyes, they were glossy and glazed over in pleasure.
“Come on, baby…”
Michael kissed her one last time and then allowed her to sit up in his lap, the change in angle forcing a sigh out of him. Lisa exhaled a long breath and used his solid chest as leverage as she started to move. She danced on him in an almost hypnotizing way and he couldn’t do anything but stare. The way her perky little breasts bounced rhythmically, the way her hips rotated on him, the way she threw her head back in intense rapture.
“Like this, baby?”
“Yeah… Oh, girl…”
Holding her by the waist, he intensified their tempo and within minutes they shifted from slow, languid lovemaking to full-blown fucking. Their skins covered in sweat, they exuded the same heat that was consuming them both inside.
He watched her come again and again, sometimes just swaying in his lap or leaning back and changing the depth of penetration, some other times reaching down – touching them both where they were connected. He tossed his head, knowing well that she could make him come in no time if only she wanted to, and that she was allowing him to make her climax several times – like she knew he liked. No, scratch that: Michael loved taking care of her that way.
He had realized and accepted their passion and mutual possessiveness not as an act of weakness, but solely protection. They loved and adored each other and in every little thing they did, they now somehow managed to fiercely defend what they had fought so hard to build.
Their bond of passion had become a tool for growth, a real, adult and profound union that had only a synonym. It was devotion.
All those thoughts, incorporeal and deafening in their quiet communication, just became too much at one point and Michael sat up, his hands on her ass roughly as she grasped his shoulders and bit his neck. Thrusting up and into her hard, he heard her moan louder and louder and then it all became white noise.
White noise and pure, complete obliteration of the senses.
She loved walking with him on the shore. Holding his hand, as if they were the most normal couple in the world. The sunset finally allowed Michael to go out without sunglasses and sunscreen, and they could even roll up their pants and let the calm waves of the evening caress their feet. Which was precisely what they had been doing for the past hour or so. Without any hurry.
Their rhythm had slowed down, in Hawaii. Compared to the frenzied creativity Michael had been experiencing in California – to his late nights in the studio as he created new music, inspired by love and family, and of course their baby – this was a languid, quiet lifestyle. Lisa knew she had to take advantage of it as long as she could, because once back in L.A., everything would go back to normal.
Which had turned out not to be bad at all…
Even when Michael stayed in the studio a little too much, she still loved what they had built. When he would come back at night and, although he needed to sleep, he’d get up and feed Riley, or lull her back to sleep. When he would wake Lisa up just to softly sing to her, humming one of those songs he had been working on. When she was awakened by his kisses, as she waited for him curled up on the couch, the baby by her side in her crib.
Besides, it wasn’t that Michael was an absent father, or husband. Quite the opposite. He had been by her side since he had found out that she was pregnant, and he had never left when she had been admitted to the hospital. Their big scare.
Of course, once back home, for a bit they had struggled to adjust, but right now they had found their rhythm and routine – and it worked!
Also, now whenever Michael would tell her that she was the inspiration for something he had written or composed… Lisa would believe him. It came as natural as breathing. And it was just so beautiful, to finally put herself into the hands of the man she loved with every fiber of her being. So damn liberating. There was such a radiant vitality in trust, such realization of greatness.
Now, if only she could find something to do with her life, everything would be perfect.
Lisa loved being a wife – well, Michael’s wife – and adored being a mom. Still, she also wanted something else to define the woman that she was becoming. Watching Michael work so hard on his new album was both an inspiration and a source of immense, quiet sadness. Not for him, of course. For herself. If anything, becoming Riley’s mother had put her ass in motion like nothing had ever done and, at this point in her life, she could no longer tolerate being only someone’s heiress. Only someone’s daughter, mother, wife. She wanted to be something, someone for herself, and to herself.
Of course, the moment Michael had sniffed what was going on with her, he had started to look like a dog with a bone. He just would not let go.
He had asked Lisa to work for one of his companies and he had done it more than once. He had suggested that she could help him select the people around him. Which was cool, but was also something she wanted to do for free – because she loved him. Also, she didn’t want her husband to be her boss as well. His head was big enough as it was, and he was already bossy enough in the sack. Which was something that Lisa loved, but that was a private matter.
“Hey, beautiful lady… Did you think about my offer?”
He had asked her again even a couple of days earlier, when she had reached him in the shade after enjoying the sea – and the sun – for a while. Taking advantage of their little one’s afternoon nap. Lisa, her hair still dripping, had ignored his eyes gazing all over her body.
“Why do you keep asking me? We have already discussed this to the point of nausea. Let it go, babe…”
Michael had laughed, then had reached out, grabbing her hand and pulling her into his lap. Making her giggle and squeal.
“Careful! I’m all wet!”
“I know.” He had kissed her neck. “I love it when you’re wet. You also taste like the sea. I love that too.”
Lisa had pulled back, smiling, her arms circling his neck. She had just stared at him as intense peace spread from deep inside of her to every single nerve ending.
“And I love you. So fucking much. Like, you got no idea. Even when you’re persistent enough to give me a headache.”
“Well… The offer’s still on the table, baby. For you, always.”
“I know. I know.”
She did know. But she also didn’t feel like accepting it. It felt too much of an easy way out of an issue that didn’t concern Michael. As a matter of fact, she had told him that she would probably just be content being a mom and a wife, at least for the time being. Brushing off the subject as best as she could was all that she had at the moment, even though he kept telling her that she deserved more. His words felt like a curse and a blessing. A balm and a poison. It was so great that he seemed to have such faith in her talents. However, she didn’t know if she deserved it.
“Hey, Lise… Let’s just sit down here for a moment. Let’s watch this beautiful sky together.”
His voice reeled her back in, as usual. She couldn’t remember when Michael had become so unbelievably perceptive and caring. Maybe because he had always been that way and, at times, she just had been too blinded by too much other shit to see it. They both had been.
She sat down by his side, loving how he held little Riley in that chest carrier that looked so darn sexy on him. The baby emitted a sound, then went back to sleep into her dad’s arms. Where she would always feel safe and protected. Lisa could not blame her. Michael was an amazing father and she kept discovering it every day. How far away those times when she had doubted his ability to have a family felt now…
Leaning in, Lisa kissed Riley’s head, inhaled the scent of her soft, curly hair, then found Michael’s lips and they exchanged a series of soft, little pecks.
“Bill told me something quite interesting and I was thinking ‘bout sharing it with you…”
He spoke very calmly as he stared at the sea.
Sighing, Lisa leaned her head against his shoulder, holding onto his arm.
“By all means… Share away…”
“You sure you wanna hear it?”
“Well… If you’re thinking about doing it, then I guess it’s because you think I should.”
“Point taken.” Michael laughed, a bit tiredly. Then he scratched his sideburn. “Your mother is here, in Hawaii.”
She should have been surprised. She should have at least shown some measure of wonder. But the truth was that Michael’s words fell flat and Lisa didn’t even move.
“Is she, now…”
He turned his head, looking down at her with narrowed eyes.
“Why do I have a feeling you already knew all about it?”
Lisa kept her eyes fixed on the sun slowly immersing itself into the ocean. As if it was cleansing itself before it got ready for the next day, for tomorrow.
“I didn’t know. But that’s definitely something Priscilla would do, so, yeah…”
“Why…”
“Because she’s hyper-protective… To a fault. And she’s constantly taking tabs on me, whether I’m aware of it or not.”
“You think she’s here just in case you finally leave me and need some… ah… post-breakup support?”
“Who knows… Possibly. I wouldn’t put it past her.”
“Well, fat chance. You ain’t going anywhere.”
“I’m not. You’re gonna have to deal with it, buster.”
He kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes, just savoring the feeling of his lips against her skin. Loving how possessive he could be – without ever overdoing it. In that soft, gentle, peaceful way that made him, him.
They both stayed quiet for what felt like the longest time. Perhaps assessing the situation, maybe just wanting to steal some minutes to think about the next steps. Listening to the waves slowly crashing against the shore.
“Lise… I wanna try again. And I’m discussing it with you first, this time.”
“What do you mean?”
“I would like to call her and invite her over… Besides, we’ve been staying at her property anyway, so…”
“It’s not hers. It’s my family’s property.”
“OK, well, you know what I mean. It’s been months since you and your mom last spoke, and now that we have Riley… Maybe we could fix this, Lise. I think we can.”
Lisa pulled back slightly and just stared at his profile.
God… Did he even realize how different from any other man on the planet he was? How he would relentlessly try to make everything better for everyone? Every single day. Out of pure goodness. Michael could act selfish and tone-deaf at times, but he was far from it. His nature was to be genuinely kind.
“Mike…”
“What?”
He turned his head and their eyes finally locked.
“I am so in love with you. You just don’t know.”
His face softened. Touching her chin with his fingers, he tilted her head up and they kissed. Slowly, deeply, and for quite a long time. They ended the kiss with several gentle pecks.
“I don’t want you to feel you’re being held back because of the crap she pulled with EPE… Not letting you do your thing and grow with it and all that jazz… And I don’t want you to feel you gotta wait until you turn twenty-five just to finally get a chance to manage what’s already yours by right…”
He spoke while his gaze kept moving from her eyes to her lips, then back to her eyes. Lisa swallowed. She knew that look. And she knew the effect it had on her.
“I can wait.” Her voice came out a little bit huskier than usual. “It’s not that far away.”
Michael squinted in an endearing, funny way.
“And maybe we can make another baby in the meantime?”
“Whoa there. Hold your horses.” She had to laugh, even though she knew he was only half-joking. “But who knows, maybe…”
It was the truth. Riley might have been a kinda-sorta unexpected event, but now Lisa knew all about the seduction, the fascination, the intimate beauty of having Michael’s baby. So maybe he wasn’t wrong after all. Besides, he was slowly molding into the father he was born to be, and had already told her that he wanted a big family. Lots of kids – biological and adopted. And Lisa… well, she was OK with it. She always felt as if there were no limits to what they could achieve as a couple.
“OK… My point still stands, Lise.” He turned serious. “You deserve so much more than this. And I know, I know what you must be thinking… That your mom’s been nasty so far, to the point that she didn’t even call when Riley was born… but still… Holding a grudge ain’t the right way…”
“You really wanna do this, don’t you?”
“Really a lot.”
She definitely had to admire his determination and resilience. His ability to see the good in everything and everyone. Lisa never had that talent. And after all, she had been lucky. Katherine and Joseph had accepted her right away, they were both always so sweet to her. It had taken them zero time to make her feel as if she had always been part of their family. Their warmth, their closeness and support had always been there, and even when Lisa and Michael were going through the pregnancy without planning to get married, Katherine had always stayed by their side. Despite not understanding fully why they wanted to wait.
Michael had never experienced any of that welcoming attitude and acceptance with Priscilla. In a flash, quick and intense like an electric shock, Lisa remembered how warm her father had been to the brothers that night, when she was still a kid and had met Michael for the very first time. But her dad was no longer there. Her mother was all she had left and Priscilla had rebuffed Michael from the get-go, for reasons that Lisa could not fully understand. And probably, in a way, she never would.
One thing, however, she knew for sure. If only she had been at Michael’s place, she would have never given Priscilla the time of day. Not after being treated like some sort of useless nuisance. Not after having been dismissed with a shrug, like a blip on the radar. Fuck that shit.
But Michael was different. He always had been and, at that very moment, Lisa felt the intense need to stay close to him. Both to protect him and absorb the infinite goodness that was such a pivotal part of who he was. She just could not imagine seeing this young, vibrant man broken by life. She could not imagine to not be by his side in a world that, at times, seemed hell-bent in robbing him of his pureness, patience, forgiveness. In a world that seemingly wanted to teach him how to hate.
“Then… I’ll do it for you. No, scratch that. We’ll do it together.”
Two days later, and in all frankness unexpectedly, Priscilla showed up at their house. Unannounced, after having dodged the invitation when Lisa had called her on the phone. Priscilla had sounded surprised to hear her daughter’s voice after months of silence. Just for a moment, it had seemed as if she was clinging to the hope that Lisa would indeed tell her that she and Michael were done. The tone of slight disappointment when Lisa had instead said to her that she hoped they could all meet had not gone unnoticed.
Priscilla hadn’t answered right away, making up excuse after excuse, rambling about some supposed business deal that had “forced her to be in Hawaii.” Yeah, sure. As if Lisa didn’t know how her mother operated.
Of course, despite her best intentions, Lisa’s patience had started to wear thin after five minutes of conversation, and eventually she had just muttered that she and Michael would leave in less than a week. This meant that, if her mother wanted to see them and her granddaughter, the clock was ticking and she had to make up her mind quickly.
Less than forty-eight hours, the guards at the gates announced that Priscilla was there, in her car, alone.
Michael put the intercom down and turned to Lisa, who was still having breakfast at the table. It was around nine in the morning and they had just woken up.
“She’s here.”
“Who?”
He rose an eyebrow in a sarcastic, amused way.
“The lady that brought you into this world for me to find you.”
Lisa put her glass down slowly. He was so corny and obnoxious at times. Also adorable.
“OK… What do we do?”
“Well… I guess it’s time to get this show on the road.”
“You sound so inspired this morning. Poetic, I’d say.”
Michael laughed.
“Cool. I thought I had no more blood left in my brain after you pretty much caused me to have a heart attack, last night.”
Lisa shook her head, unable to make fun of the situation and also wondering how he could be so peaceful about all this.
“She should have let us know beforehand that she was coming over… We aren’t even dressed.”
“What are you talking about? We are dressed.”
She scanned his attire. He wore striped pajama pants and his classic, V-neck white shirt. And she… well, she wore a robe and very little underneath.
“Well, she’s gonna have to wait, so we can at least make ourselves presentable.”
“Look, Lise… This ain’t some grand business meeting or anything. I think we’re cool.” Michael walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. So weird to hear him say that he didn’t feel he need to be in his best attire to meet with his mother-in-law. “Especially since we’re gonna show her just how normal our life is. We’re a family. Two newlyweds on their honeymoon, with a newborn in tow.”
She let him hold her, resting her cheek against his chest. Finding calmness and solace in the regular beating of his heart.
“I think we’re good,” Michael murmured again, and his warm breath caressed her hair.
And right then and there, in perfect – or imperfect – timing, Bill’s head popped up in the door frame.
“Mike?” Noticing that Michael and Lisa were still holding each other, he blushed and scratched the back of his neck. “Oops, I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine…” Lisa broke the embrace and smiled. “Good morning, Bill. How are you today?”
Bill relaxed and moved a step into the room.
“Good morning, Lisa. I’m good. How are you?”
“Wonderful, thank you.”
“Your mother is here.” He watched her with softness and understanding in his eyes. He watched her like a father would do. “Should I let her in?”
Lisa glanced at Michael, then turned to Bill once again.
“Yes, please.”
And so they waited. And Lisa recognized the unmistakable fragrance of her mother’s perfume even before she appeared in her field of view. And when she did, Lisa thought that maybe Michael hadn’t been wrong after all. Even though Priscilla wore a casual outfit, perfect for Hawaii, she still looked flawless in her white pants and summery top. Her makeup and hair were also perfect. Of course they were.
“Lisa Marie…”
Her tone was neutral.
Lisa moved a step away from Michael but kept her fingers interlaced with his.
“Mother…”
“Hello, Priscilla. Thank you for accepting our invitation. Can I get you anything? Water? A coffee? Juice?”
Michael’s tone was calm, polite without sounding too cordial. Priscilla’s cerulean eyes moved on him and her face stayed still. Collected.
“Good morning, Michael. No, thank you. Are you enjoying the house?”
The little jab seemed to slide over him as if he was made of Teflon.
“Very much, thank you. Please, make yourself comfortable.”
Priscilla put her purse down and walked over to the huge sofa facing the patio, then sat down in the center. It was pretty evident that she wanted to exude confidence. Still, her sitting at the very edge of the seat also conveyed her nervousness.
“How are you, mother?”
Lisa came back to the table and sipped her orange juice. Then she put the glass down again and, quite courageously, sat on the armchair across the small, glass coffee table. Facing her mother. Lisa was just that kind of girl – the one who jumped into the void head-first when it was time not to pull back. Michael admired that quality.
He, on the other hand, stayed close to the table, just leaning against it, in a position in the room that allowed him to supervise the scene without really being too much a part of it. He knew this would only have to be half his call, and that Lisa needed to play the most significant role. There was simply no match: he had already tried to convince Priscilla in the past and it hadn’t worked. He could only count on the love the woman felt for her daughter.
Priscilla clasped her hands into her lap in a very controlled fashion.
“I am here. So… What did you want to talk about?”
Lisa glanced at Michael and he just stared back at her. She turned back to her mother.
“I just want you to see what you have been missing, mother. Remember how much you tried to protect me from the evil outside, when I was little?”
“Yes.” Priscilla’s face, once again, didn’t move.
“Don’t you think Michael and I are willing to do the same with our baby? You know, the granddaughter you never even bothered asking about?”
In the attempt to turn the tables on her daughter, Priscilla replied with another question. A snarky one.
“Don’t you think a mother has to also protect her kids from the enemy within?”
Lisa blinked, several times – and Michael knew she was doing her best to keep her temper at bay.
“What are you talking about? There is no enemy here, mom. Michael is nobody’s enemy. Not mine, not yours, and certainly not Riley’s. Just stop, please.”
“Lisa…” Michael walked over, just standing by the armchair she was sitting on. He cleared his voice.
“Priscilla… We’re here to show you that we got nothing to hide. We live a very normal life, we-”
“For now. But how long till you get bored of my daughter? How long until she is no longer useful to you, and you move on to someone else?”
Any other man would have probably snapped at such vicious words. Instead, Michael’s face distended, and he watched Priscilla with sympathetic eyes.
“Lisa is many things, but not boring. And the only thing she’s useful to, is keep me alive and running and hopeful and joyful. How can I get ever tired of that?” He half-smiled. “She is my soulmate, the mother of my child, my wife. And I do love her. With all my heart. It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not. It’s just the way it is. And I know I hurt her in the past-”
“We hurt each other,” Lisa chimed in, almost muttering to herself. Michael seemed to pay little to no attention to her words. So much for not interfering…
“…And I know our relationship was quite bumpy in the beginning. But we are just human. We learn as we go. And that’s what we’ve been doing. We’re learning together… Your daughter and I… And our little one, she’s our best teacher. Just by being here, she gives us even more reasons to do good by one another, to grow as a couple and as a family… She’s the best part of Lisa and me.”
He sat down on the armrest, and Lisa’s hand immediately came to rest on his knee.
“I know you think all I am invested in is my career. And probably it was just like that until I met Lisa. Was I planning to fall in love and engage in such a serious relationship while I was busy touring the world? No, of course not. Were we planning to have a baby? I don’t know. Not for sure at least. But it happened, and it did change our lives… even more so than our relationship had already done. Which, let’s be honest…” He covered Lisa’s hand with his own. “…It’s quite a feat.”
“Michael. You have already told me all these things before. They don’t change anything.”
Priscilla’s voice was still collected, but her hands were shaking lightly. Something, inside of her, was starting to crumble.
“Oh, I know. I know I don’t make any difference for you. But I make a difference in my baby’s life… and Lisa’s. And that’s all that matters to me. I will not ask you to love me. I understand it’s just not in you. But I am asking you to accept what we have instead of fighting it, because we’re not letting go. That’s all, there’s nothing else we want. Don’t you think it’d make everything easier? Everyone happier? Besides, I’m sure you can’t wait to see the baby.”
Priscilla opened her mouth, but didn’t say anything. There it was. The breach into the armor, albeit small.
And Lisa took advantage of it right away. Lunging forward, metaphorically.
“I also want my job back. Not because this is a do ut des kind of thing, because it isn’t, but just because I have the right to administer myself fully and help my family. Obviously Mike and I don’t need any money, but I am an adult now. And I can and will do what my father expected me to do.”
Priscilla’s eyes moved from Michael to Lisa. It was apparent that she had been caught entirely off-guard.
Michael slowly stood up.
“Would you like to meet your granddaughter, Priscilla? She’s awake.”
Later that night, Michael found Lisa on the balcony facing the sea, curled up in a rattan couch like a little ball. It was dark and she only wore one of his white t-shirts. Her legs were naked. Standing out into the intense blue of the night like that, her hair down and wavy, her skin luminous and tanned, she looked like a dream come true and, for a little bit, Michael just stayed there, observing her from the bedroom, unseen.
Lisa had been quiet all day. Even after their obvious victory during their silent match with Priscilla. He had to admit, he too was still a bit stunned by the outcome. Shocked, but happy.
Despite Priscilla’s last words directed to Lisa sounding like a bit of a threat. More likely to Michael.
“Fine… Have it your way. But if your husband disappoints me, you will no longer get any help from me, Lisa Marie. Have I made myself clear?”
“As clear as a bell. OK.”
Lisa hadn’t wavered. Not one bit, and her reaction had swelled Michael’s chest with some strange male pride. She trusted him now. She was solid in her faith in him just as much as he would feel comfortable putting his whole world into her hands.
Maybe, just maybe, this was what love was all about. Mature, serene love.
But also passion…
Lisa’s laconic attitude had carried on in bed, earlier that evening. When, after putting Riley to sleep, they had made love for quite a long time. It had been a slow, languid lovemaking session that had left them both breathless and drunk on each other. What she had not said with words, Lisa had said with her touches and kisses. Her body had spoken to Michael relentlessly and the pleasure had been blinding. And he had reciprocated every single drop of bliss.
Afterward, she had just snuggled close to him and she had fallen asleep while he, as usual, had a bit more of trouble just dozing off. When eventually it had happened, he had woken up after about half an hour, and Lisa was no longer in bed.
He had found her in Riley’s bedroom, just cradling her to sleep after feeding her. Sitting in the rocking chair with their little baby in her arms, she was possibly the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. A unity – and yet a multitude – he craved to be part of.
“Want me to take over?”
“I can take care of it, baby… Go back to sleep. You need to rest.”
He had crouched down by her side, brushing her hair away from her face.
“You do too. And you look sleepy. Here… Let me deal with this little beauty…”
It was the truth. Both Michael and Lisa never stopped being amazed at how utterly perfect Riley was, and the peace she emanated had worked on Priscilla too, the moment their eyes had met. Michael could tell. The older Presley had done her best to keep it together, but her bottom lip had quivered and, eventually, she had just stepped closer to Michael, who was holding the baby.
Priscilla had glanced up at him.
“Can I touch her?”
He had smiled.
“Of course.”
“Hi, Riley… I’m your grandma. Hello, beautiful girl.”
This time, her voice had sounded nothing like the arctic cold she usually bestowed on him. As a matter of fact, Priscilla had sounded gentle, vulnerable. She had touched the baby’s chubby cheek with the back of her fingers and Riley had put her little fist into her mouth, scanning her grandmother’s face calmly. Then she had kicked her feet and Priscilla had smiled.
She had turned to look at Lisa.
“She’s gorgeous. She looks a lot like you both…” A little pause. “And your dad, too.”
Lisa had swallowed and nodded, her face still solemn and melancholic.
“I know.”
It was the truth. Riley sported Lisa’s eyes, that were also her dad’s eyes.
So, all in all, everything had ended up going better than expected. When Priscilla had left, she looked significantly more relaxed than she had been when she had first appeared at their door. And Michael felt like a man who had just won an award – he had experienced a very similar feeling of triumph and accomplishment.
Lisa, however, had reacted differently. Not only had she been adamant in no longer wanting to talk about the matter, at least for the time being, but she had also gone quiet. Not brusque, not in a bad mood, not distant. Just terse and laconic.
Now, as Michael kept observing her, he noticed her shivering. Quietly, he retrieved a comforter from the bed and reached her on the balcony.
“I knew you were there. I could feel your eyes on me.”
Lisa smiled into the night as he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and sat down on the couch next to her, pulling her close. Her body, soft and pliant, molded against his immediately.
“I knew you knew.”
“Of course. You always think you know a lot.”
“That’s because I do.”
“…You have a big head, Michael.”
He laughed.
“I know that too.”
He saw her roll her eyes and held her tighter. After listening to the chirping of the cicadas for a bit, he felt her hand came up and cradle his cheek. When he looked down, there she was. With her sparkling, sapphire eyes that looked like gems stolen from the depths of the sea.
“Lise… Are you sad?”
“A little bit. I’m also fucking mad.”
He studied her gorgeous face, tracing its contour with his fingertips.
“Why?”
“Because I’m afraid something will happen eventually and she’ll be like: I told you so. And I will go nuts. I’ll fucking explode.”
Michael frowned.
“Don’t, baby-girl. Don’t let her get under your skin. She has a problem with me, not you. You know that.”
“No, you don’t get it. It doesn’t matter what she says, she’s always been adamant that I am not the daughter she expected me to be. I have always disappointed her.”
“Is that what makes you sad? The idea that you have disappointed your mother?”
Lisa sat up and turned to him fully, framing his face with both hands now.
“No, it’s not that. Who the fuck cares how she feels about me. What makes me sad is to realize how bad she disappointed me. And how vicious she can be to you… The man I love. The man I have chosen to be my husband. My baby daddy. And at the end of the day, I’m also sad because I’m so fucking terrified she’ll end up disappointing our daughter as well.” She shook her head and sniffled, clearly doing her best not to cry. “And being who she is, she’ll twist everything in a manner that will be manipulative and nasty and I know that will disappoint us even more. I have no idea how you managed to be so kind, Michael… You’re so fucking forgiving. So fucking brave. And she doesn’t deserve any of it.”
“But you do.” He smiled at her as their foreheads leaned against each other. “I’ve already told you once. You deserve so much better than her silence. She’s still your mom. You needed to see that she too can be different… Even though she’s probably never going to be the mother you need. She too can have room to grow. And now she knows she has that chance.”
He kissed her, deeply and for a long time and when they broke the kiss, they both were panting.
“We gotta let go of the past. Whatever she has done, it was her call. Either she takes responsibility for her choices or not, it’s not our problem anymore. We took responsibility for our mistakes, you and I. What I think we should do now, is just move forward and unburden ourselves. We need to let go of what held us down in the past… Otherwise, where can we go?”
Her eyes sparkling with tears, she laughed, breathlessly.
“I don’t know, baby. You tell me. I go wherever you want me to… As long as you’re with me.”
“Yeah? We’re safe then.” Mirroring her gesture, he too cradled her face and kissed her again.
“And Michael…”
“Yeah…”
“We need to trust us first and foremost. Always! Nobody has the right to butt in. This is our life… It ain’t a fucking game that someone else’s gonna play at our place.”
“I know. You’re right. You always were right about that.” He pulled her into his arms. “Shoot, Lise… You’re so darn foul-mouthed.”
She just smiled and closed her eyes.
The breeze of the night, salty and refreshing, swept over them.