The heat
“When you don’t have anything warm at hand, even a memory can be a small substitute.
Remember a searing look of intimate eyes.
Receive the inner fire.”
― Vera Nazarian
Part 3
About twenty minutes later, Lisa and Michael were both sitting on the floor, shoulder against shoulder, quietly taking sips from the only bottle of water they had. Nothing at all had changed – they were still stuck in there. Yet, at the same time, everything felt different and she knew that the reason was in those kisses they had shared.
Had Michael made a move on her, she would have gladly allowed him to fuck her up against those metal walls, but the atmosphere had been another entirely. Maybe it was because of the heat, or perhaps because of the exhaustion and stress that they both felt… Whatever the reason, what they had ended up doing was just kissing until they were both breathless. Until he had taken her into his arms again, moved them both into a corner of the cabin, and slid down onto the floor with her one more time. She had heard him take a deep breath and, when she had glanced over at him, his eyes were closed and his head was tilted back, resting against the metal wall. She had done the same, and there they had stayed for a few minutes, just enjoying the vague comfort that being together in this weird situation granted them.
Michael had been right, by the way. Nobody would be coming to their rescue. The only thing they could do was wait for the blackout to end, and then the thing would start moving again and hopefully take them both to the ground floor. In the grand scheme of things, what was happening was nothing but a minor glitch. Truly nothing to be concerned about. Worst case scenario, someone would find them in the morning. And right now, at that very moment, that possibility didn’t even look so grim to Lisa.
“Hey, Mike… did you notice that there are no cameras in here?” Her eyes narrowed. “There isn’t even a concierge downstairs, anyway, otherwise we wouldn’t be stuck in here anymore. Why the fuck is that? Why is the emergency button not working? Why isn’t there any concierge?”
“Lise, stop it, please. You’re starting to sound manic.”
“Fuck you, I’m not.”
Michael laughed, dryly.
“Right… Why, you ask? Because this place’s cheap. And Alan is thrifty. He uses the building as some sort of storage shed. So why should it be expensive? Who cares about all those binders, anyway?”
“Uh-um…”
They went quiet again, and more minutes passed. When Lisa spoke again, the whole atmosphere had shifted into some sort of silent, muffled, patient bubble.
“I am planning to buy a house in Ireland, and a few weeks ago the real estate agent I hired over there called… Told me they probably found the right one… But I gotta see it, obviously. That’s why I gotta go. And I want the kids to be with me, because I have to make sure they like it. I would never buy a place where they too will be staying without their approval. That’s it, Michael. That’s the gist of it. There’s no big secret.”
Her voice was very calm and very quiet as she repeated, in a much more open and honest manner, what she had told him in that meeting room just an hour earlier.
“You’re planning to buy a holiday house, like the one you have in Hawaii, or a house, house?” He scratched his forehead and kept staring into space. “That’s what I wanna know. Not knowing is what makes me dig in my heels. It’s not a punishment… It was never meant to be.”
“I know you didn’t wanna punish me, but your remark about me supposedly hunting Irish boyfriends pissed me off…”
Michael chuckled.
“So you’re telling me that you aren’t?”
Lisa shifted and looked at him.
“I don’t have any boyfriend and I’m not looking for one.” She bit her lip. “I don’t know what the future has in store for me, but right now I’m not dating anyone and I’m not planning to.”
Slowly, he too turned his head in her direction and their eyes finally met.
“Really?”
“Yeah…”
“Why…”
“Because…”
Because she was in love with someone else. With him. But she had already shown how weak she was earlier, when a tiny bit of exhilaration had ended up turning into a full make-out session. She didn’t need to reveal more than that. Michael’s head was big enough as it was.
“…Because I got other priorities in my life at the moment. My children, my job at EPE, and… my new house in Ireland.” She pinched his side, making him jump. “So stop stalling me, buster. Let me do what I wanna do.”
He was still smiling vaguely. And certainly, he looked much less nervous and irritable than he had during the meeting. Funny how being stuck in a tuna can could work such magic.
“I’m not stalling. You can do whatever you please, I told you.”
“Mike… You can fly over whenever you want. Look… I know you’re gonna be free for another couple of weeks before you start rehearsals again, and I was thinking…” Should she say it? Should she truly ask him what she was thinking about asking him, and forget about her previous, definitive stance? Oh, fuck it all to hell. “…Maybe you can leave with us and stay in Ireland until you gotta go back to Vegas… And just relax for a few days…”
That was certainly not what a separated couple was supposed to engage in. Shared vacations abroad. Well, she did it all the time with Danny… But Michael was a completely different animal.
His eyes narrowed. His smirk didn’t disappear from his lips.
“Like you do with Danny and the kids? When you guys spend time in Hawaii?”
Great. Apparently, he hadn’t lost the ability to read her mind. No, it wouldn’t be like it was with Danny. Not by a long shot. Lisa didn’t think about fucking Danny every time he was around her.
“Exactly. A friendly vacation. We’re friendly exes, after all, right?”
His smile widened and he nodded slowly.
“Right… We were absolutely friendly, earlier…” He pointed at the hole in the roof but kept staring at her. “…After you popped that thing open.”
What a dickhead! Part of Lisa wanted to slap him, but the truth was that his sassy remark made her laugh.
“Stop it. You know what I mean… You’d have the chance to spend a few days away from the toxic atmosphere of L.A.” She shrugged. “Or Las Vegas, for that matter…”
Michael nodded again, in a very calm and deliberate manner. It almost looked as if he was considering her offer – and it was weird how giddy and scared at the same time she felt, at the idea of him accepting.
“And you’d truly be fine with it, Lise? Would you want me there for real?”
Yes. And no. But mostly yes. However, it was time to be diplomatic once again.
“I have noticed that the frequency of your visits has improved in the past few months… The kids love to have you around, you know that. And I’m sure they’d be ecstatic if you came with us.”
“I love them with all my heart.”
“I know you do.”
“And even you saw me more often, recently…” He squinted his eyes, smirking. “Minus all those occasions when you were actively trying to avoid me… But I missed being home. With my family. I know you said that I was stealthy and shit, but if I was, it was because I didn’t think you wanted to see me at all… So I kept to myself.”
Lisa swallowed hard.
“Funny that you mention me avoiding you. I felt pretty much the same way right before we broke up.”
Michael’s face turned serious again.
“I wasn’t avoiding you, Lise. I felt like I was losing you, and I didn’t know how to stop you from leaving. I didn’t know how to cope with the… situation. It wasn’t like… you know, before…”
“Before? You mean in 1995? When we were on the verge of separating before the unexpected happened?”
“Yeah, then…” His gaze dropped and he began staring at his own hands. “This time, I really didn’t know what to do.”
She knew what he meant. Years earlier, Lisa finding out that she had been expecting his baby by pure chance had been their salvation. She still remembered telling him right after his performance at the MTVA, in New York – pretty much during a stupid fight.
It had changed everything in the bat of an eyelid. She and Michael had both found a million reasons to stay and fight for what they had. It was sad to realize that, this time, they hadn’t been able to do the same. Maybe, after all, they were no longer fighters.
“I can’t get pregnant every time we have issues, Michael. That’s not how it works.”
“I know…”
“Plus… I never left. You did.”
“And I always came back.”
More silence followed, but their eyes remained locked. If this was some kind of face-off, at this point it was way too late to pretend she hadn’t offered what she had offered. However, she could still step back onto safer grounds.
“…Or we can shorten our stay in Ireland, Mike. If the only option is you throwing a tantrum about us leaving, and you don’t wanna come with us for a while… Maybe I can manage to wrap it all up in a couple of weeks, three max… instead of a month. How about that? Would that make you more reasonable?”
There. She had to throw something on the table – and above all, she needed to get back to business. They had been slipping into some dangerous territory repeatedly since they had gotten stuck in this tin can, and the lines were starting to blur.
“Three weeks is still a long-ass time…”
She rolled her eyes.
“Then come with us and stop being so difficult!”
Michael bit the inside of his cheek and she could tell that he was unsure. Then, it occurred to her that he might have never really envisioned any Plan B… He had just done his best to stop her from leaving Los Angeles, and possibly it was because he had never thought that she would offer an alternative. And now that she had done just that, he didn’t know how to handle it.
“I don’t know… I gotta think about it.”
“Yeah, okay… you do that. Think about it.”
Lisa was getting frustrated. Every single thing frustrated her at the moment. His hot and cold behavior, their inability to leave this place, her need to stay close to him, and that strong sexual pull she felt for him. She had been unable to stop thinking about sex with Michael since what had happened a month earlier. It just wouldn’t go away. Best case scenario, the thought stayed in the corner of her mind but never disappeared completely – and this wasn’t even the best-case scenario! Which meant that she was hot and bothered. Maybe the perspective of finding a fuck-buddy in Ireland wasn’t that bad, all things considered. At least she would be able to scratch the itch.
Yeah, sure. Who are you kidding? With Michael around, you’d definitely be able to think about fucking any other man. Only not. Let alone that nobody was ever able to satisfy you the way he does…
“Hey, Lisa… I was just wondering…”
Oh, hell. What else, now?
“Yeah, I’m sure you are. I can see the wheels turning. And you have that stupid ass grin on your face once again.”
The grin in question widened slightly – and started to look sly.
“You said you had two boyfriends since you and separated… And I just now realized that you never told me why you broke up with the last one. What was his name again? Billy?”
“No, Billy was the stupid entrepreneur I dated for a month. Sam.”
“Oh, right. Sam. Such a Labrador Retriever name…” He giggled and Lisa too couldn’t help but scoff. He was so silly.
“Can you please refrain from mocking every single guy I dated apart from you?”
“Alright, alright… I’ll be good. So?”
“So, what?”
“How did you guys break up? I mean, he was there, and then at one point, he was just gone.”
Yeah, no shit.
“I told him I had a yeast infection.”
“Yuck. That’s a bit of an overshare.”
“Obviously it wasn’t true. It was just easier that way.”
“Well, it’s still gross.”
She laughed.
“Hey! You asked!”
She tried to shove him and he grabbed her hand, just holding it for a moment. His fingers playing with hers. Instantaneous butterflies took off in her belly. Bad sign.
“Come on, Lise… Why did you break up with the poor guy?”
“Oh, so it’s why, not how…”
He ignored her. Still holding her hand in his, he slightly touched her wedding ring.
“And why are you still wearing this?”
Lisa had somehow been expecting that question. She had stopped wearing her wedding ring after separating from Michael, but had resumed doing it when she had broken up with Sam. Of course, every all those events were intertwined, but this was not the time or the place to tell the whole story. Especially not to her ex-husband.
“Because the kids like it better this way. It comforts them, to know that you and I are still something to one another. I told them that mom and dad will always be mom and dad to them, but still… they wanted to make sure we weren’t divorcing…”
“Yeah, I understand… It makes sense…”
“They like to think that everything is just the way it’s always been for them, and I can’t blame them…”
Her gaze dropped on their hands, still connected. And then on his hand specifically. The fact that Michael, too, had resumed wearing his wedding ring was something that had caught her eye earlier that evening, when he had brought the children back to Hidden Hills. It hadn’t always been that way. In fact, she had never noticed before. Not since they had broken up, at least.
“What’s your reason for wearing it again, instead?”
He just shrugged casually. It was just so hard to catch him by surprise. He was a man who, with time, had become accustomed to watching his back constantly – and from everyone. Even her, at times.
“Well, I’m on a break, you see. I usually don’t wear any jewelry when I’m working, ‘cause I don’t wanna end up losing it or misplacing it… But since I’m home, I too didn’t wanna upset our kids unnecessarily. They pay so much attention to the little things…”
“They sure do…” Lisa’s eyes stared into space. Part of her wanted to pull her hand back, but mostly she was comforted by that contact, and so she stayed put. “However, to answer your question… Sam and I, we just didn’t work. And I couldn’t give him what he wanted, anyway.”
“And what was that?”
She glanced up at him, wordlessly. The truth was that Sam was dead serious about his relationship with Lisa – and she wasn’t. In fact, he had been serious enough to ask her to stop pining over her ex-husband and, at one point, he had even begged her to divorce Michael. If she could somehow pull out the first part, the second one was a definite no-no. When she and Michael had broken up, she hadn’t thought about divorcing him. She didn’t know why. And Michael never presenting the option either had kind of solidified her stance. They couldn’t be together, but somehow they still wanted to be shackled to one another.
“His level of commitment to our relationship just wasn’t mine… And so I thought that it would be unfair to keep stringing him along. He deserves better. And so do I, I think.”
Michael stared at her with an odd look.
“Yes… Yes, you do.”
Lisa just decided to not speak on the matter any further. She had always been a terrible liar, and if she wanted to bullshit him now, she would have to make up something on the spot – knowing well that he’d likely not fall for it. All because she didn’t feel like telling him that she had broken up with Sam the day after her birthday… when Michael, back then still in Vegas, had had a beautiful bouquet of red roses delivered to her at Hidden Hills. A bouquet and a note.
“Happy birthday, Princess.
Love, Mike.”
She had cried a bit when she had seen his handwriting on that piece of paper. It had been the first time since their separation. For the first months, she had been able to bounce back every time by convincing herself that everything was good, that they had made the right choice. She and Michael simply were no longer capable of giving each other the support and understanding that, as a couple, they needed to move forward. Yet, that day, she had wavered. And twenty-four hours later, her relationship with Sam was over.
Michael hated lies. And he didn’t like it when he felt he needed to lie. But in this case it was appropriate to do so – for Lisa’s sake and his. Plus, it was nothing but a little white lie, or even a half-truth, somehow.
It was indeed true that he didn’t want to upset the kids. In the past, Alex had told Michael that he didn’t like to see him without his wedding ring. I think it’s disrespectful to mom, he had said. Do you know how much she misses you, dad?, he had said.
It had happened a few months after the separation, and Michael had sat down with his firstborn son and had tried to explain that a ring – or lack thereof – didn’t really mean anything. Only feelings did.
“Have I ever told you that I only started to wear my wedding ring after your mom got pregnant with you?”
Alex had just observed him for a while.
“Why? Didn’t you love her before?”
Those words, and the fact alone that his son might think that, had stung. No, he had always loved Lisa with all his heart and soul, and him not wearing his wedding ring if not sporadically had been a choice. It had been purposeful and the result of many different elements. Not wanting to risk his wedding ring being snatched away by some fans as he shook hands and delivered hugs. Not wanting to lose his ring between stages and takes on sets, or during rehearsals. Not wanting to look too shackled to another human being in the eyes of a world that tried to possess him. Needing to maintain his public image as intact as he could, despite loving to have Lisa by his side, with him during his charity work and award shows, or backstage. He was a man and many men at the same time. His extraordinary life forced him to be.
It was all so… complicated.
And yet, it had become anything but when he had realized that his dream of becoming a father was about to be fulfilled – and with the woman he was in love with, no less. From that moment on, reevaluating and bettering everything concerning his private life had become his priority, and with time he had come to accept that, at times, he hadn’t been the best of husbands. He had been immature, and his lack of experience in the relationship department had made things difficult, especially in the first couple of years of his marriage. Even more so, he knew that both he and Lisa hadn’t been the best of partners at times. They had been pigheaded and childish, and they had dodged a bullet by pure chance. With Alexander about to be born, all their issues, those invisible mountains that had threatened to put an end to their marriage, had turned into molehills. Almost inconsequential, in the grand scheme of their love. In the grand scheme of their future.
What would have happened, hadn’t Lisa gotten pregnant at that very moment? What would have been of them, of their relationship? Through the years, as they navigated their newly-found life as partners and parents, Michael had wondered. And there were only two possible scenarios taking shape in his mind: either he and Lisa would have ended up divorcing, just to go back to one another and then break up again, and then make up again and break up again, because they just couldn’t be apart, or… Well, or they would have simply moved on pretending that what they had shared was nothing but a mistake. Almost regretting it. However, it was hard for him to even fathom that last option – because he knew his wife and he knew himself. They could stomp their feet and storm off for a while, but ultimately they always wanted to go back to one another.
In a different turn of events, he was sure that even without Lisa getting pregnant, they would have ended up getting back together – unless something truly horrible happened.
Yet nothing major happened and you two are no longer together anyway, right? So maybe all your musing was a bit off the mark, brother…
Maybe. Still, things had changed once again.
What Michael didn’t tell Lisa, right then and there, was that he had resumed wearing his wedding ring after making love to her at Hidden Hills, that night when their baby girl had a fever and had wanted both her parents by her side. Even now, he couldn’t tell if it had happened because he and Lisa were both a bit rattled and riled up and needed some release, some closeness of sorts, but he knew that something had shifted inside of him, afterward.
He had gone back to Las Vegas a couple of days later, and after the first show, he had taken a shower in his dressing room and put his ring back on his finger. All without giving it so much thought. At least on a rational level.
That night and despite having the chance to, he hadn’t wanted to see any of the women gravitating around him since his residency had started. One-night-stands were easy in Vegas, noncommittal, frivolous. They were made of bodies and faces he would never remember the next day, but provided some form of temporary comfort to his loneliness and estrangement. They had never been some sort of ingredient to the wild pop star lifestyle, because Michael had never been that kind of guy. Instead, those women were the band-aid to his homesickness, to his nostalgia and yearning for a home that Michael didn’t feel he could return to. On some desperate nights, that home seemed to no longer exist altogether and in those cases, having someone in bed with him for a few hours made him feel at least prostrated enough to sleep for a while.
But not that night. He was tired and he missed being home, but didn’t want any female company. Once again, he could only partially explain why.
It was obvious that he was hooked on Lisa once again. After getting a powerful hit of what being with her that way entailed, his body had short-circuited and remembered, beginning to crave her even more. More of her skin, more of her taste, more of her heat closing around him, more of that little death that would always take them away while they pleasured each other. Any possible placebo, any mechanical or physiological release, just wouldn’t be enough. But mostly… it was because he loved her and missed her like it hadn’t happened in a very long time.
And now, this.
Kissing her, making out with her earlier had almost made him wish that the elevator would not function for the entire night. Just not to have her slip away from him once again, the very moment those metal doors would open. Backing off from her body had been extremely difficult, when all he wanted to do was to make love to her. The place or the time – or the situation – had stopped being of any importance. Such was his hunger.
Yet, he had managed to pull back, hold her and pretend that he wasn’t affected that much by what they had been doing. And then they had started to speak.
The feeling that they were getting closer once again just by talking couldn’t be ignored.
“…Mike?”
“Mh?” It occurred to him that he had spaced out for a bit. He cleared his throat. “Come again?”
“Are you alright? You seem lost in thought…”
“Yeah, I’m just…” He shook his head and took another sip of water. “It’s nothing, really. What did you just say?”
Lisa bit her lip and it was her turn to let him see a glimpse of her thoughts.
“Not much. Only that I hope you’re right, you know… when you say that I deserve more.”
“You said it first, actually…”
She smiled.
“I did. Because I want to believe I do. But at times, I wonder…”
“About what…”
She made a vague gesture with her hand, as if she needed to downplay the whole thing. As if it was not important at all.
“I mean, I wasn’t capable of making it work with you… and I…” Her eyes closed for a moment. “…And I never loved anyone the way I loved you… and nobody has ever made me feel the way you did… so I can only hope I can still deserve something, somehow. Because to see our marriage fail sure as fuck was a huge blow to my self-esteem.”
Michael stayed quiet and just kept observing her. Of course, he had noticed the past tense – the way I loved you, the way you did – that she had used when referring to her feelings for him, and it hurt. However, there was something much more alarming in her words. He didn’t want his baby girl to feel unworthy. She was anything but. She was worthy of all the love in the world, of all the happiness in the universe. And it pained him to realize that, despite knowing that he clearly hadn’t been able to give her what she needed and deserved, he wasn’t ready to let her go.
Lisa giggled nervously, and he noticed that she was blushing.
“I’m sorry, Mike. See? I’m such a klutz. Now, that is what I would call an overshare. But these are my hang-ups now. Mine to take care of. I shouldn’t have told you-”
He grabbed her by the back of her neck and pulled her head close, kissing her hard. Wanting so much for her to feel the love he felt, the anguish of knowing that she was doubtful, maybe even scared.
At first she seemed stunned, but then her lips softened and she reciprocated his kiss fully, sighing against his mouth. His hands cradling her face, he turned his body slightly and kissed her some more. Smiling into the kiss when he felt her arms around his neck. This felt so… familiar. And so unbelievably right.
He only pulled back after what felt like forever, but kept his forehead leaning against hers. When he spoke, his eyes stayed fixed on her lips. Parted, luscious, red. It was so hard to keep some level of control. It was so difficult to remain rational.
“No, you should have told me sooner… about your fears… your doubts… and I’m so glad you did…” One more kiss. “And also… You said I no longer want all of you… you’re wrong, Lise… You’re so very, very wrong.”
“Am I?”
Lisa’s voice sounded affected and he saw her swallow.
“Yeah… Lise…”
“What, Michael…”
He traced her lips with his thumb.
“You know that thing that you do, when you keep coming back to the same person despite it all… despite stuff that hasn’t worked out before… despite being afraid it won’t work out again…”
“I think I do have an inkling…” She let out a feeble, sad smile.
“But still, when you’re around this one person… everything feels…”
“Right…”
“Yeah. And it feels real. And authentic…”
Her hand touched his face.
“And inevitable…”
Michael smiled and closed his eyes.
“I love you… I’ve never had any doubt about that… And it doesn’t even matter if we’re together or not, because my feelings don’t change… So, just know that I love you. Please, believe me…”
“Then why did you leave?” The moment she asked that question, she shook her head, her face pained. Her hand moved, coming to rest over his mouth. “No, don’t even answer. Don’t say anything…”
Her fingers slowly slid down, caressing his neck.
“Just kiss me again…”
And so he did, and this time he didn’t even think about stopping. And neither did she.
As a matter of fact, everything else seemed to disappear. They had been good at trying to keep things semi-sorta friendly, up until that point, but it was clear that it was no longer viable. The fog had enveloped Michael’s mind and all was left was the feeling of her, her scent and taste, the heat of her body scalding him – even through the clothes.
God, he was so in love with this woman. Why had he left, indeed? Of course, it had never been his intention to leave her, but he had made her feel cast aside. There was no doubt about that. And in retrospect, maybe they could have just handled the whole Vegas matter better. Instead, they had been sloppy, superficial. They hadn’t fought enough for what they had, like they had promised they would do when Lisa had gotten pregnant with Alex. And when they once again had reminded each other at every step of the way, when their twins had come to the world and another million times afterward.
How had they forgotten?
Tears burned behind his closed eyelids and he chased them away, focusing on what was happening. Again, and finally. The setting wasn’t optimal, but he didn’t care. Holding her by the waist, he pulled her into his lap.
“Here… come here… I gotta feel you… all of you…”
His words were uttered breathlessly against her skin as he kissed her neck, the exposed skin of her shoulders. Loving the light summer dress that she was wearing. His hands roamed down her back, stroked her perfect bottom, then caressed her beautiful thighs, down still, to her firm calves and ankles. He touched satin and opened his eyes.
At first he found Lisa’s beautiful face, her hair already tousled, eyes bright and glazed over. Then his gaze fell on the shoes she was wearing – a perfect match for her casual yet extremely appealing little white dress. They were lace-up leather sandals that swirled around her feet beautifully, and the stiletto heels made them even sexier. They were light blue, and reminded Michael of Lisa’s eyes.
So he looked up again and their gazes met. He reveled in the feeling of her hands on his face, caressing his cheeks first, then moving down to his neck and shoulders. Up again, fingers tangled in his hair. Her breathing was uneven and she looked as if she was on some kind of high.
Yeah… he knew the feeling. He remembered it perfectly. And he knew that it was way too late to go back now.
All of a sudden, the blackout didn’t seem so terrible anymore, nor was being stuck in an elevator cabin. Not with Michael’s hands on her anyway, sneaking under the light fabric of her dress, touching her naked skin. Making her shiver. Making her body sing.
Not with Michael’s lips finally kissing her, or his tongue in her mouth. And certainly not with his words still echoing in her ears.
He had told her that he loved her. And she would have never, ever imagined she would hear those words again.
And now her body, her soul, her heart – they were all in a frenzy, leaping in his direction. She recognized all the signals in him too – the lack of control, the loss of any restraint, the intense need to keep going – and it was all a mirror of what she was feeling. She smiled against his lips as they kissed again and it was the first truly relieved smile in a very long time. They were insulated in that momentum, sheltered, and nothing else mattered.
Soon her trembling fingers were unbuttoning his shirt while his hands caressed her naked thighs, under her dress. Skin on skin. This felt so different compared to the quick, ravenous, furious coupling they had engaged in one month earlier, when they hadn’t even had the time to undress each other. Of course, having the opportunity to choose, Lisa would have loved to be in the comfort of the bed they had shared for so many years, but she also didn’t want to lose any more time. If there was any chance to go back to that place where she and Michael had been so happy together, she would take it.
The realization, in a way, stunned her – almost stopping her in her tracks. It had clawed its way through the thick clouds of self-assurance that everything was good – even though she and Michael were no longer together. It was all an elaborated lie, while all she really wanted was to have him again, still, always, regardless.
“Lise… baby girl… are you OK?”
He slowed down, still panting, and held her face in both hands. Staring at her from one eye to the other. She could tell that he was aroused. He was sweating and his eyes were darker than usual, brighter. His skin was flushed. And the hard ridge she felt against her center didn’t lie either. Her mouth watered. How long since she had last tasted him?
“Yeah… have you changed your mind? Why are you stopping?”
“Hell, no. I haven’t changed my mind… I just thought…”
“Don’t think…” Her hands got busy unbuckling his belt. Unbuttoning his pants. “Let’s just not think for a moment…”
God, she was so scared. Terrified, really. And it was so comforting to have his hands cover hers, helping her out. Pulling his zipper down. As anxious as she was, Lisa also knew precisely what she needed, to let go of some of that tension. And nobody but Michael would do.
He removed his hands from his pants and let her finish the job, and instead focused on the top part of her dress. Pulling down the light fabric, finding and freeing her breasts, cupping them, caressing them. Lisa sighed, her head falling back.
“Damn, baby… You’re not wearing any bra…? I love it…”
Her eyes closed, she smiled and reached out with one hand, pulling his head close, steadying herself for what she knew would come next. And when it did, when his mouth found her nipple, she cried out and then kissed the top of his head, again and again, moaning against his hair. All the while, she resumed the job of freeing him from the constraint of his pants, needing to feel him, touch him. Craving to experience that immaculate, perfect sensation once again.
Keeping her eyes closed, she found him and felt him jerk and strain in her hand. This man – her man – was perfect in all the ways that counted. She smiled, recognizing the tactile experience of what she had enjoyed countless times before. Michael moaned and let go of her breast, finding her mouth one more time, kissing her as she began to stroke him the way she knew he needed.
This was absolute lunacy. And she never wanted to stop.
Holding her by the waist, he dragged her out of the haze she had once again sunk into. His face was still in her chest, his lips kissing her collarbone between little sighs and moans. Moving up to her neck, then her ear.
“Get up, princess… stand up for me…”
The words were whispered in that husky tone she knew by heart and she complied immediately, almost in a daze. She had always been such a good girl when it came to be the beta to his alpha. She loved how feminine he would always make her feel. It was insane the power he held over her body – and it had always been like that, since the very first time he had taken her and made her his. Leaving her breathless, showing her an entirely new way to embody manliness. How had she been able to believe she could be without him? That her life would be the same? That she would be able to carry on as if nothing significant had happened? He was her whole heart.
Her legs shaking slightly, she did stand up, kissing his lips as long as she could until she was forced to steady herself against the metal wall. Widening her stance. Finding herself face to face with herself. The mirror on the wall unveiled every secret and Lisa saw it – in her own eyes – the effect that this man still had on her. Would always have on her.
“Yeah, that’s it, baby girl… Open those beautiful legs…”
She loved him to pieces. It was refreshing and definitive to realize that her feelings in that department would never change.
Blinking, she glanced down. Michael was still sitting, one hand on his cock, the other roaming under her dress again. Eager to help him out, she lifted the fabric, exposing her thighs to him. Their eyes met when he found the thin elastic band of her thong. Then he ripped it off, making her gasp.
She smiled, looking down at him from beneath lowered eyelids.
“What are you gonna do now, big guy? Now that you got me all exposed and vulnerable like that?”
Why was she playing with him like that? As if he was still hers. As if everything was back to normal, even though she knew it wasn’t.
Because he will always be yours somehow. Because you are in love with him. Because at times, playing is all we have left.
When he smiled, it was almost as if he had heard her inner voice.
“What do you want me to do?”
Lisa bit her lip, noticing that he was still touching himself. God, she wanted him to fuck her. She wanted him to love her and never let her go again.
“Whatever you want, as long as you keep your hand on that beautiful cock…”
His eyes lit up and his grip on himself tightened. Then he pulled her close to his face, his other hand on her ass.
“And you… keep that little dress of yours lifted…”
Once again, she complied. What else could she do?
His mouth found her and she moaned out in complete surprise, her body resuming a dance that it knew by heart, undulating against his tongue in a slow, rhythmical motion that was in perfect sync with his movements on himself.
She couldn’t look away. She just couldn’t take her eyes off what she was seeing. His mouth on her, his hand on his penis. She shivered and realized that she was already going to come.
“Michael… Oh, shit… Don’t stop… Oh, fucking hell…”
Her knees trembled and he finally let go of himself, grabbing her ass with both hands, pulling her hard against his mouth as he fucked her with his tongue – reminding her what she had been missing in a way that had been physically painful, especially during some lonely nights.
She came, harder than she remembered having climaxed since… well, since he had made love to her that last time. And it seemed to last forever, like waves rippling and lunging at the shore, pulling the sand adrift with them, then bringing it back to where it belonged.
“Oh, fuck…”
She was breathless, boneless, and was glad that he kept holding her as she sat back down in his lap. Still panting, she fell against him and kissed him hard. Her body felt liquid, incorporeal, yet she couldn’t help but sway in his lap and against his steel, getting wet again at the mere idea of finally having him inside. And she did need just that – desperately.
Once again, Michael seemed to sense it and, still kissing her, reached down, guiding himself to her heat. They broke the kiss and stared at each other as she rose slightly and then descended, taking him in inch by inch, biting her lip and swallowing as her body struggled to accommodate his size. It would never, ever fail – that feeling of belonging. That powerful first hit. And it wasn’t just physical. It was about so much more than his body – even though his body was sinful pleasure personified.
“Lise… damn, you’re so hot and tight, baby…” He blinked and let out a deep breath. “Nobody has ever made me feel the way you do… You are so beautiful… So…”
She kissed him again as she sat down on him fully. They both moaned in the kiss, then pulled back and stared at each other. Panting, almost in unison. For a moment, time stood still and all was perfect. Nothing was amiss.
Then Lisa began moving. Her hands on his shoulders, using his solid body as leverage, her forehead now leaning against his.
“Oh yeah… There you go, princess… That’s it. Keep going…”
His hands slid down, from her waist to her ass, grabbing her hard, guiding her movements – picking up speed as his hips, too, became involved in the dance.
They kept staring at each other. They never stopped. And Lisa loved every second of it. The scent of his skin, the feeling of his sweat as her fingers interlaced on the back of his neck, the seductive taste of his lips. And this emotional closeness, once again. Ultimately, that was what did her in.
“Mike…”
“Yeah…” He tossed his head. “Damn, Lise… I wanna pick you up… fuck you hard against those walls…”
She smiled breathlessly and pushed him back when he tried to sit up further.
“No… stay there… You made me come… Now it’s my turn…”
Michael grinned.
“Oh… is it, now…”
“Yeah…” She breathed out against his lips in between kisses. “…Stay there… I wanna make you feel good…”
His head fell back and he kept staring at her as her rhythm slowed down, as her hips swayed on him in a tantalizing, circular manner. And it was so hard, so very difficult at that moment, not to tell him that she loved him. Not to reciprocate the precious gift of the words he had spoken earlier.
Why don’t you just tell him? It’s the truth. Nothing but the truth. What are you afraid of?
To crash and burn. To hear him say that the fact that he might still love her had nothing to do with him wanting to be with her again. When all she wanted was…
“Look at me… don’t look away…” Michael touched her face and she blinked. She saw him smile. “Girl… if you gonna keep that up…I don’t think I can last much longer… shit…”
Lisa let go of a breath she didn’t know she had been holding and took his hand, bringing it down and onto herself. Pressing his warm fingers against her hyper-sensitive center. He swallowed but otherwise stayed perfectly still.
“Yeah… I feel you… I can tell you’re almost there… I know you, Mike…” Interlacing her fingers with his, she guided his movements on herself. Knowing well that he knew exactly what to do. “Let me come with you…”
Michael sat up and, this time, she didn’t stop him. When his hips resumed their rhythm, she just went along with the tide and began to ride him wildly, letting go of any form of emotional self-preservation. She wanted this – even if it was bound to be their last time together. Even if they would both end up considering it nothing but a momentary lapse in judgment. Right now, it wasn’t. It was the rightest thing that could ever happen to them, the kind of closeness they had experienced for years, that they had known and cherished for so long. How wrong could it be to partake in this once again? Especially given this extraordinary situation.
Twice in a month, Lisa. This has happened twice in a month.
Well, OK. She would deal with that later. Whatever that meant.
“Oh, God… You feel so…” She swallowed hard and threw her head back as she held onto him. “…fucking… good…”
Behind her closed eyelids, she could only feel her blood pumping in her veins. For the very first time – at least in a rational manner – it truly dawned on her what was going on. She and Michael were stuck in an elevator, and they were making love. He was inside of her, holding her. He was as passionate and emotionally close to her as he had always been.
It was too much. The moment she realized, she could only see the ball of fire approaching. It was inevitable. Like it had happened countless times before, her game was now backfiring on her.
“Shit… I can’t stand it anymore… I’m gonna come…”
And then she got swept away, like a leaf in the wind. Utterly powerless and yet incredibly powerful at the same time. She felt Michael go rigid, his body becoming even more solid than she remembered. She felt him inside – all of him. He was all she could perceive. And the sudden realization that they were doing this with no protection at all, with nothing in between them, was the last push. She fell from the cliff and straight into the ecstatic, otherworldly pleasure that coming with him – in perfect sync – would always entail.
He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes shut.
“Fucking hell! I’m coming hard… Oh, shit…!”
Lisa loved to be still able to make him lose control that way. However, that was a fleeting thought, because all her synapses had become nerve endings. They had become rapture – pure intoxication. And she also adored how, this time, they had both been vocal about their pleasure. In their previous encounter, neither one of them had pretty much said a word during or afterward. Of course, the circumstances were way different. Their kids were asleep upstairs, the house was quiet, and they didn’t want to make a mess. Still, she couldn’t let go of the idea that the setting was also a convenient excuse not to talk about what was going on. Of the effect that it had on them.
And even after they were done, when Michael had withdrawn from her and had held her tight, her back adhering to his heaving chest, they still hadn’t spoken about the hows and whys it had happened. He had just kissed her neck, again and again, while she had reached back, entangling her fingers in his hair.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I got carried away…”
“Not you, we… we got carried away… Don’t be sorry…”
“Lise… can I stay? Just for tonight…”
“…I think it’s best if you leave… We don’t want the kids to be…”
“…confused… yeah… I know…”
That choppy, awkward back and forth swirled in her mind as her face was hidden in the hollow of Michael’s neck. As she kissed his sweaty skin. Not wanting to let him leave at all. Ever.
Back then, that conversation had sounded so strained… so out of place. So unlike them. Especially since he had still been holding her. Especially since she could still feel the evidence of what they had done between her legs.
“Don’t move… Just stay right where you are…”
Had she even moved at all? She doubted it, but just in case, Michael held her solidly in his lap. Not that she wanted to go anywhere. She loved having him inside after they made love. It gave her the impression to shelter and protect him in a moment when he was at his most vulnerable.
“You want me to keep sitting on you?”
“Yeah… I want to stay inside of you for a little longer still…”
“Dude… where am I even supposed to go…” She smiled and kept kissing his neck, detecting goosebumps against her tongue.
“Well, you could always-”
The cabin jerked and the light went off, plunging them both into the darkness again.
They were probably supposed to panic, but the truth was that it didn’t happen.
Michael and Lisa both looked up and toward the elevator shaft. Nothing. Not a sound, not a light. And then it happened. The sprinklers went off for no reason at all – dousing them in a mist of cold water.
She squealed and he, too, moved, accompanying her movements as she knelt up, forcing him to withdraw from her body.
“What the hell is going on now? What the fuck?”
Michael had to laugh. Who cared, at this point? They were already a mess! And all things considered, given the intense heat they had been experiencing, some fresh water coming from those little things near the cabin roof wasn’t half bad at all.
As Lisa stood up and quickly smoothed down her dress, fixed the upper part of it – depriving him of the sight of her beautiful breasts as she tried hard to make herself presentable again – he just shook his head and winced as he attempted to put his still half hard penis back into his pants. As far as his shirt went, well… it would stay unbuttoned. He couldn’t care less.
He rose onto his feet and threw his head back, his eyes closed. Just enjoying the water for a moment.
“Mike, what are you doing?”
She sounded slightly hysterical and he smiled again, his eyes opening again. Finding her.
Damn… she was beautiful. She always was, after making love. And with her hair tousled and wet, she was like a dream come true.
“Nothin’… I just think these sprinklers are a blessing…” He took her hand and pulled her close. “Come here…”
She was soft, pliant. She didn’t even protest when he kissed her again. In fact, she reciprocated the intimate gesture fully, her fingers in his hair, smoothing it back slightly. He only broke the kiss when the cabin started moving.
Predictable. He had been expecting it. If the fire alarm was on and the sprinklers had gone off for no reason at all, it meant that the power was back. Acting a bit funky, maybe, but possibly being able to bring the elevator back to where it was supposed to go. To the ground floor.
Michael found the timing funny, but also convenient in a way. If only the whole thing had begun working again only ten minutes earlier, he and Lisa would have probably found themselves in big trouble. Instead, they had had all the time in the world. All the time they needed.
“I think we’ll be fine… It’s finally going down…”
Lisa’s voice was quiet and she stayed in his arms as she spoke. Sounding a tad bit sad, too.
Yeah… he understood why. He wanted those damn doors to open and let them go, but at the same time he had been enjoying this suspension. This bubble.
He kissed her head.
“I told you… We just needed to wait.”
She glanced up, staring at him from behind those long eyelashes.
“Yeah… you were right.”
She finally peeled herself off him, but kept holding his hand. Even when the elevator doors finally opened and they found themselves face to face with…
Alan.