Mr. Nobody Special Collection | Penumbra

Penumbra [New Year’s Oneshot]

 

Umbra, penumbra, antumbra

The umbra, penumbra and antumbra are three distinct parts of a shadow, created by any light source after impinging on an opaque object. Assuming no diffraction, for a point source only the umbra is cast.

These names are most often used for the shadows cast by celestial bodies, though they are sometimes used to describe levels of darkness, such as in sunspots.

The umbra (Latin for “shadow”) is the innermost and darkest part of a shadow, where the light source is completely blocked by the occluding body. An observer in the umbra experiences a total eclipse. The umbra of a round body occluding a round light source forms a right circular cone; to a viewer at the cone’s apex, the two bodies are equal in apparent size. The distance from the Moon to the apex of its umbra is roughly equal to that between the Moon and Earth (384,402 km (238,856 mi)). Since Earth’s diameter is 3.70 times the Moon’s, its umbra extends correspondingly farther: roughly 1,400,000 km (870,000 mi).

The penumbra (from the Latin paene “almost, nearly”) is the region in which only a portion of the light source is obscured by the occluding body. An observer in the penumbra experiences a partial eclipse. An alternative definition is that the penumbra is the region where some or all of the light source is obscured (i.e., the umbra is a subset of the penumbra). For example, NASA’s Navigation and Ancillary Information Facility defines that a body in the umbra is also within the penumbra. In drawing, it is defined as “penumbra” the are where multiple light sources cause multiple layering cast shadows.

The antumbra (from Latin ante, “before”) is the region from which the occluding body appears entirely within the disc of the light source. An observer in this region experiences an annular eclipse, in which a bright ring is visible around the eclipsing body. If the observer moves closer to the light source, the apparent size of the occluding body increases until it causes a full umbra.

Musselburgh, Scotland, December 31, 2018

He didn’t mind her head resting against his shoulder. And if once he had been prone to privacy, when it came to this kind of activities, that had changed too. As a matter of fact, he thought that there was absolutely nothing he wouldn’t do in front of her right now. His trust in Lisa was total, he confided in her entirely, body and soul, because he knew they had been able to forgive and forget themselves – and one another – for whatever mistakes they had made in the past. Sometimes, miracles did happen.

And so he just stayed put and enjoyed the moment. The beach. The sea. The light breeze and the temperature, very cold but still slightly less chilly than he had imagined and despite being winter. As a matter of fact, he had eyed Lisa suspiciously when she had asked him to go take a walk with her on the beach on the early afternoon of December 31st.

“Why? I hate the cold. You know that.”

“I know, but it’s not too cold today.”

“In general or for the Scottish standards?” He had lowered his reading glasses and had stared at her. He had been sitting at his desk, in his study, for about an hour now, and was busy drawing. Something he had been doing a lot, as of late.

Lisa, looking stunning with her long hair down on her shoulders, wearing a long-sleeved turtleneck ribbed dress and lace-up combat boots, had walked over to the desk in a slow, seductive gait, shrugging her shoulders, then had sat half on top of it. A fairy in black with deep, hooded aqua eyes and gorgeous legs.

“Both.” Another light shoulder-shrug. “Well, OK. It’s kinda cold. Cold-ish. But not so much for the Scottish standards, Mike. I promise.”

Michael had placed the pencil on the drawing paper pad, then he had removed his glasses, leaning back into his comfortable chair.

“’Fess up… What the heck is going on?”

Lisa had burst out laughing, taken by surprise by his distrustful attitude.

“What do you mean what the heck is going on? Nothing! I just thought that taking a walk on the beach with my stunning, adorable husband before the party would be… I don’t know… romantic?” She had reached out, touching his cheek with the back of her hand. “You know… My sexy, studly, fearless husband… have you seen him? ‘Cause this guy in front of me right now is either a baby or a grandpa. I haven’t decided yet.”

He had looked amused at her obvious bait. She was trying to provoke him, knowing well that he was unable to refuse a challenge. Always had been. Taking her hand, he had kissed her palm, then the soft skin inside her wrist, his lips lingering there a little longer than necessary.

“You didn’t think I was a baby… or a grandpa, this morning before we got up. Or last night, for that matter.”

Leaning further into his touch, Lisa had stared at him lovingly. Seductively.

“I sure didn’t…” She had smiled. “Oh, there you are, my love… Where were you?”

He had snorted. “Tell me once again why I decided to get married to a nut like you. Twice.”

“Because you love me.”

“So?” Michael had chuckled.

“So, what? Let’s go, lazy! Move your ass before it gets dark!”

“I am not lazy! I’m drawing!”

“Well, can’t you keep doing that on the beach? I tell you what: we’re gonna bring a blanky. The magical kind. The one imparting the power of invisibility, just in case the paps are around… Although I doubt it.”

Michael had pulled at his beard, staring at her, his eyes smiling at her obvious excitement.

“Tell me more about this blanky…”

Lisa had walked around the desk and had sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. He so loved fairytales.

“Let’s see… It’s gonna give us complete protection. Plus, it’s soft and warm. I’ll even wrap you all up if you want, so you won’t be too cold… Granddaddy. And if you are still cold, I promise I’ll find some other ways to warm you up just fine…” She had risen an eyebrow, suggestively.

Tilting his head hesitantly, Michael had finally gotten up from his chair, pulling her with him, and Lisa had clapped her hands, happy like a kid. Because she could be just like that. Easily moved and excited by the simplest, most trivial things in the world. Which, in fact, were never trivial. The last week or so had been especially magnificent, since they had all their kids there at the mansion. Well… Almost. The twins were with their father, in London, and would be back in a couple of days.

And so Michael had donned his warmest jumper and his heaviest coat and his scarf and gloves and newsboy hat and he and Lisa had ventured outside together. With matching black outfits, just like in the good old days.

The moment they had left the house and walked over to the nearby beach, he had realized that his wife’s thermoregulation clearly didn’t work at all.

“Lise, it’s freezin’ balls out here!”

Throwing her head back she had laughed, clinging to his body as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

“Yeah well, maybe it’s a tad bit nipply.”

“What?” He had squinted and looked down at her. He had barely heard her after being hit by a whistling gust of chilly wind.

Lisa had risen on her tiptoes, grabbed him by the collar of his coat and pulled him down, speaking almost into his ear.

“I said it’s nipply! As in cold enough to cause nipples to-”

Michael’s gloved hand had covered her mouth as he giggled.

“I know what it means! Gosh, Lise, you’re so bad! Are you ever gonna stop?”

“Never!”

They had kept walking for a few minutes, looking for that secluded spot on the beach they loved and that, since they had moved to Musselburgh, had become their favorite one.

“You know what? I don’t know if we should have let Paris and Danielle take Kellan to Edinburgh… I mean, it’s real’ cold today. And he’s so little, still.”

Lisa had snuggled further against his solid torso.

“Mike – you basically turned our infant son into a blizzard baby. He’s got like layers and layers of clothes on. He looked like a tiny onion. He’s not gonna be cold, believe me. In fact, I think he might even be a bit hot.”

“No way! He’s like his dad. Little man doesn’t like the cold.”

“Little man wouldn’t be cold even in Greenland right now. Trust me.”

“If you say so…”

“Yeah. I’m his mom, you know? Besides, have some faith in the girls. They’re gonna take good care of him.”

“As long as they all get back for dinner, like they promised…”

Reaching up, Lisa had pinched his chest.

“Gosh, baby. When did you become so grumpy?”

“I didn’t.” He had stopped and turned her to him fully, his hands on her tiny waist. Leaning slightly, he had brushed her lips with his, kissing her gently. “I’m just a thoughtful dad. To all our kids. Or stepkids. Or whatever.”

“Yeah. That, you are. Among many other things.”

And so now there they sat, in their favorite spot on the beach, and he was drawing again. Eventually, Lisa had been the one being cold enough to wrap herself in the blanket, and now she was leaning against him, quietly watching his gloved hand move on the paper pad like it belonged there. She felt so utterly peaceful, at that very moment.

In a handful of hours, they’d celebrate the new year. Their first new year’s eve as parents of their baby boy. Their first new year’s eve as a remarried couple. Or, for the rest of the world, as a newly married couple. And Lisa hoped 2019 would be as peaceful and serene as the last months had been. 2018 had been complicated and troublesome at times, but also so fulfilling on so many levels. Just like the last couple of years… they had been a metamorphosis, a rebirth of some sort, in a moment of her life when she could barely muster the strength to go from one day to the next.

“How can you draw so well if you’re wearing gloves?”

Michael’s hand on the notepad stopped. So far, she had not been able to understand what he had been drawing, exactly. It was all a play of lights and shadows, blacks and whites and greys… and he only had a pencil in his hand. Magic…

“That’s an interesting question…” His hand resumed moving on the sheet of paper. “I’ve been wearing gloves most of my life… most of my lives… As you should know…” She glanced up and saw him smirking, sarcastically. His eyes stayed fixed on the drawing. “I can do almost everything with gloves.”

The wind blew once again and Lisa snuggled closer to him. All of a sudden she was hit by a scent. Salt coming from the sea, mixed with the unmistakable smell of greenery flowing from the inland. It reminded her of the first time she had seen him again – when she didn’t even know who he was. When she didn’t know it was him. Two years earlier, when he had appeared like a pesky neighbor busy examining the barren ground in his backyard. Clad in a winter coat that looked very much like the one he was wearing now.

She had been living in Peterhead for about a month when Michael had found her. It hadn’t taken long, to Lisa, to realize that it was really him, and now she knew, his unique scent – partly forgotten and yet still familiar – had been the first indicator.

“Mike…”

“Uh-uhm…”

“How did you find me?”

Once again, his hand stopped moving. He stayed quiet for a moment, and she waited for him to ask her what she meant.

“…Fahim helped me.” His voice was very calm. And of course, he had not asked her anything because he had understood.

“Did you ask him to find me?”

“…Yeah.”

“Had you been keeping tabs on me?”

This time he placed the notepad on his legs and pulled back a little, looking straight into her eyes.

“Why do you wanna know?” He didn’t sound annoyed. Just curious.

Suddenly shivering, Lisa snuggled more into the blanket.

“Because. I mean… we’ve been very good at communicating since we got back together, but I don’t know if you ever noticed that we never really talked much about our lives… before then.”

“We spoke plenty.”

“Not about that.” She had to admit, one thing about Michael had changed. He spoke way less, now. He had never been a chatterbox, but he had become quieter. Not remote, never that, just more prone to silence and contemplation. She guessed seven years spent pretty much alone after having been in the eye of the storm for forty-five years could do that to a man.

“And you wanna talk about it now?” His eyes kept studying her, making her feel much more vulnerable than she had first fathomed. Not that she cared. There had been a time, in their long relationship, when being too emotionally exposed to him could potentially mean harm. But that time was gone. This was another world. Another life. They were still the same, and yet two completely different people.

“I’d love to. The year’s coming to an end, we’re getting ready to face our future as a family. It’s all so…”

“New?”

“In a way, yeah. And so different from what I had ever imagined for us.”

A little smile appeared on his lips. It was almost sad, melancholic.

“I know. Me too.”

When she had first married Michael, Lisa had been convinced it would be forever. That theirs would be the marriage bound to last. She had no idea of the highs and downs of the roller-coaster waiting for them. She had no idea they were going to lose and find each other again and again through the years. She had imagined herself being the longtime wife of this megastar, all the while having fully learned to deal with his celebrity status. She had imagined a mature life when he would be way less busy with his music and way, way busier with his family, but still the biggest star on the planet, nonetheless. She had imagined walking hand in hand with Michael on red carpets of exclusive events, awards ceremonies and such. The reality they had now was so different. And not necessarily worse.

She looked at him and recognized him. She saw him. Behind the bulkier appearance, the short hair, the grey-striped beard, the sailor-ish look, the lenses of his glasses. He was the same man. The performer and entertainer, the singer and the dancer he used to be was the unbeatable ghost still in the charts, mourned all over the world, eternal and immortal. The artist… and the man… was still part of this world, but only in the shadow. And instead of getting ready for those sparkling events he once was used to, Michael was drawing something on a notepad, while sitting on a small beach in Scotland. On the afternoon of New Year’s Eve, waiting with his wife for their kids to come back and have a quiet, sweet family celebration at home.

And Lisa had never been happier to be by his side.

She had been ecstatic to be married to him, the first time around. To the point that, for a very long time, she had believed she would never be able to experience such intense joy and profound happiness ever again. She had been right and wrong at the same time. Losing him had given her the chance to realize that she would never be that happy again with any other man. Finding him one more time, when for years she had thought he was dead, had felt like reemerging from the water a second before drowning. Or like suddenly being able to breathe underwater.

So, all in all, even more intense happiness did in fact exist: and it was the one she had felt when she had realized that they had been given another chance. Straight from heavens. And that he had come back to her… one more time. Somehow. In the most unhoped for ways and circumstances. But very much alive, and very much himself, despite being a bit tattered and scarred… Just like she was.

Parallel universes.

“So… you think we can talk about it now? A bit more? I mean, I know you don’t wanna be specific about you… you know, about you leaving your old life behind, and I’m not gonna ask about that. But still…”

“It’s fine. I know you understand why I am not going to talk about that. But anything else… it’s fine, Lise.” He bent his head and kissed her sweetly. “What do you wanna know?”

“Were you keeping tabs on me?”

Michael threw his head back and laughed at her pigheaded attitude, then pulled his hat lower on his forehead, almost covering his eyes. She knew he was hating the chilly temperature and she loved how he stayed there just because she had asked him to. He was so… different. So similar to the young man she had once known, but so unlike the tense, nervous, worried, stressed out man he had become at one point. For good reasons…

Now, whatever burden had once ailed him was gone. He too was reborn. Freeing himself from the only life he had known, he had found another one and felt liberated inside and out. Maybe some hang-ups would never disappear, but at least they were no longer perilous as they used to be.

“You’re impossible.” Sniffling and squinting against the breeze, he stared at her. “Anyway… a little bit, yeah.”

“After you found out I was divorcing Lockwood?”

“And before that, too. Just to make sure you were, you know… alright.”

“And you thought I was.” Strangely enough, it sounded more like a statement than a question.

“Lise, I told you already. You looked… OK.” He tilted his head and glanced at the sea, lost in thought for a minute. “Not all the time, not in all the pictures and footage I would see, but… you seemed… settled.”

“Michael…” Lisa’s hand reached out and sneaked under the lapel of his coat, resting against his chest. “Did you know that I always loved you? That – you know… It’s just… It’s important for me that you know.” She closed her mouth and shook her head.

He chewed on his lip, staring into space. “I knew you did. Even before I left. But I wasn’t sure you would ever want me back.”

His words made her think. Would she have wanted him back? She knew her mind would have told her no, that it was a dead end. That they had tried and failed one too many times. However, her heart told her that she would have wanted him back, and that she had never said goodbye for real.

When they had talked, in 2009, her defenses were already crumbling – just listening to his voice and finding that connection again. She knew she had lied to him, telling him about her supposed indifference. For a while, she had been able to lie to herself as well. But only for a while. Bullshit could only go so far, after all. As a matter of fact, the moment he had announced that he would be performing in London she had started to run around like a scared chicken. Metaphorically speaking, because on the outside she seemed fine. Only, she couldn’t wait to see him again and she knew she would move heaven and earth to do that. To see him onstage. To talk to him face to face, just the two of them. She was also very much aware of the risks, but she hadn’t cared back then. Once again, Michael had started to occupy her thoughts more than she was willing to admit.

“…Would you have wanted me back, Lisa?” Without looking at her, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to his body.

Lisa found comfort against his torso and inhaled his familiar scent, closing her eyes. Taking a moment to give him the answer he truly deserved to hear.

“When we split up… that final time, I never thought it would be final for real. I wanted to believe it, but I didn’t really think it was. The point is, Michael… I never, ever thought I would never see you again, or talk to you again. We take so many things for granted. We are flawed that way. Or at least I am. But… to answer your question, I was going to see you in London. And I was ready for… everything that could happen, really.”

He didn’t reply, but his arm held her even tighter and she understood the weight of his silence. He felt reassured and, at the same time, regretful. But alas, Lisa couldn’t know the extent of the danger. The depth of the abyss he was in. Nobody could, but him. And maybe going back to her later, when the dust had settled, had been for the best… although they both had suffered so much in the meantime.

“Would you have wanted me back, Michael?”

He grinned. Then kissed her forehead.

“Always.”

One word. So many implications. Lisa disentangled herself from his embrace and started to get up. The sudden move seemed to startle him.

“Hey! Where are you going?”

“That’s it, Mike. I’ll be right back. I gotta take a walk for a minute. Alone.”

“Why?” He was now holding onto her hand, unsure if he should help her get up on the wet sand or pull her back down.

“Because I think I’m about to bawl, OK?”

Michael stared at her, puzzled, for a second. Then he started to chuckle. He just couldn’t help it.

Lisa frowned.

“…What the fuck you laughing at?”

He shook his head dismissively, in the hope of pacifying her, but couldn’t stop snickering. Her nasty truck driver attitude didn’t help.

Lisa dropped down onto her knees, cocked her head to a side to intercept his eyes, then glared at him and for a moment she looked thirty years younger. Like a little girl pouting. That didn’t help either. He tried hard to stay serious, but it got even worse.

“Mike… you’re such a moron at times… Here I am, pouring my heart out to you, telling you I am gon’ cry and you laugh at me?”

Oh my God. She was so dramatic! And yet he was so happy whenever Lisa showed him that not all about her had changed. The truth was that he had been petrified when he had seen the complete void in her eyes, in so many pictures taken since 2009. The fierce woman he had once known was gone, and only extreme remoteness, longing, and melancholy remained. Where was his Lisa? She looked wiser, but also so sad. Like the survivor of a nuclear disaster. She didn’t need to know how powerless he had felt, knowing that he could not reach out to her as much as she could not reach out to him. For many years after 2009, they had lived in two different worlds, parallel and yet reciprocally impenetrable.

Michael grabbed her hands.

“No, no, baby. I’m not laughing at you. I am laughing with you…” He looked up at her and noticed her sparkling eyes. They were, indeed, welling up. The pout stayed in place, though.

“Yeah? Too bad I’m not laughing at all! So I got no idea who you laughing with!” Frustrated, she pulled his hat further down on his face. “And don’t look at me with those puppy dog eyes! They stopped working like… twenty years ago.”

Michael removed his glasses. He wanted her to see his eyes without any hindrance.

“No, they didn’t.”

She opened her mouth, ready for a snarky reply and he grabbed her head, pulling her down and kissing her silly. Lisa tried to struggle, to wiggle out of his grasp, insulted him creatively for about five seconds, then melted against him and moaned into his mouth, her body suddenly soft as she came to sit astride his legs. Her arms closed around his neck and she removed his hat, running her fingers through his hair as their kiss became deeper, hotter. She smiled against his lips, pulled back a little, caressed his cheek and found his beautiful dark eyes smiling back at her. Then she kissed him again, her body pressing down and against him.

“Michael…”

“Mh…” He was now busy kissing her neck, his lips tracing the outline of her ear as he pulled her hair back. Lisa’s hips moved against him, finding every single part of him very much awake.

“Don’t get sprung…”

He giggled. “Too late. If you don’t stop wiggling, in a minute I’m gonna have the meanest boner to deal with…”

She laughed, knowing well she had no intention of stopping and that he was very much aware of that. Slowly, Michael leaned back and lay down on the blanket, pulling her with him. The curtain of her long hair cascaded around them, creating a mini-universe where only the two of them existed. After some more hot kisses, Lisa glanced around furtively: alright, nobody was on the beach at the moment. Way too cold to be outside. Perfect, since she had no intention to be charged for indecent conduct in public. For a second, she regretted having asked Michael to take a walk in such a chilly temperature, but then she remembered how hot they could get when they were together, so… No problem.

Framing his face with both hands, once again she leaned down and kissed him thoroughly, sweetly. Then she rested both hands on his chest.

“I’ve always loved you so, so much. Sometimes I hated myself for caring. And I hated myself for the way I behaved while I tried so hard to stop loving you. But it never worked out. I’ve always loved you. You gotta know this.”

“I know.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“How?”

“Because I know you.” His thumb traced the contour of her face. “I know how you really are.”

They just drowned in each other’s eyes for what felt like forever, then Lisa quietly rested her head on his chest and he pulled part of the blanket over her body, to keep her warm. His arms too wrapped around her torso.

“You still cold?” He kissed her head.

“Never when you’re with me.”

“You’re corny.”

“I know. You taught me well.”

“Good girl.” Another kiss, this time on her forehead.

“So… what would you do while you were… you know, in exile? ”

Michael smiled, staring at the steel-grey sky above.

“Aside from working to change my appearance enough to blend in and getting healthy again, you mean?”

“Apart from that, yeah.”

“Ah… I would meditate… Fix clocks… Read… Surf the internet… Watch movies… At one point I even started going out for walks on my own… And that was so bizarre… Oh, and I would draw a lot.”

Lisa weighted up his words.

“Like you were doing earlier?”

“Exactly like that.”

“What would you draw?”

He took a deep breath.

“Many things… Everything and everyone I missed… and longed to have with me. My kids… Neverland… That oceanic, impressive multitude of fans, the way I saw it from the stage… You…”

She raised her head and found his eyes.

“Me?”

“Yeah. In various stages of your life… I was so afraid I would forget about you.”

Lisa blinked, then chewed on her lip.

“Lise… don’t get all weepy again, OK? We’re just talking…”

She smiled, then stroked his chin with the back of her fingers.

“’kay… It’s just that… You know what one of the worst things about losing you was, to me?”

“What?” His turn to rake her hair back, just to see her face fully.

“After a few years, I started to feel as if my memories were getting blurry… I couldn’t remember details that had always been so clear about us. About you. Sometimes I had to struggle to recall the scent of your skin, or your touch… or the way you would kiss me… or what it felt like to wake up in your arms…”

As she spoke, Michael’s bland grin subsided and he stared at her thoughtfully, without even blinking.

“…And that was…” Lisa shook her head and stared into space. “…That was like losing you all over again. Every fucking time. And I didn’t know how to stop it. I didn’t know how to stop you from leaving. I was afraid that, with time, you would just… disappear… and that nothing but a faint memory of you would remain. I mean, I knew it was impossible for me to forget about you, but still… all those little things that made you, you… things I had taken for granted… things I thought were trivial… all of sudden they were everything I had left. There was nothing left.”

“Lise… You would never have lost me. I would have always stayed with you, even if I hadn’t come back. A part of me would have survived in you. Every day of your life. You know that.”

“Yeah… maybe. And sometimes I even thought it would be enough. But only sometimes. Most of the times… it was just agonizing. To not have you there with me. To think I had lost you forever. Forever is such a fucking long time to be without someone you love, Mike…” She sighed. “And that’s why I would write a lot. You would draw, and I would write… Can you imagine? By the way, where are your drawings?”

“Home… In my study.”

“You never said anything about them.”

“I know. They belong to another time. What about those… notes you wrote?”

“They were letters for you.”

“Oh…” He stroked her cheek and she leaned into his touch. “So… where are they?”

“They’re gone. I would always burn them afterward…”

He frowned. “What? Why?”

Lisa shrugged and shook her head.

“I don’t know. No reason… or many, really. I didn’t want anyone to read them… or know the extent of my pain… or my love. I also knew that, as long as I destroyed them, I’d always feel the need to write more, so it was a way for me to never stop. Dumb, don’t you think? And maybe… I don’t know Michael, perhaps I hoped the smoke and the ashes would reach you up there… to heaven… or wherever you might be…” She gave him a sad smile. “I guess I just wanted to never have an excuse to stop talking to you, that’s all.”

It was too much. Michael thought he had become pretty good at containing his own emotions. After all, he had learned. He had been forced to change, to become tougher and stronger than he ever had been. He had only truly lost control a few times since he and Lisa had gotten back together. When they had made love again for the first time. When he had seen her in that hospital bed, after her accident, and when she finally had woken up. When she had given birth to their baby boy. But now… now he was on the verge of losing it once again and wanted to be reliable and resilient for her. And for himself. For their family. For what they had been trying to build together, against all the odds.

Sitting up he brought her with him, then swatted her butt playfully.

“Come on… grab the blanky, and let’s head back home.”

“What? Now?”

“Yeah, now. I’m cold, my balls are frozen. And I wanna make love to you before the girls get back with our son.”

Lisa’s eyes narrowed. Then seemed to smile. She shrugged and chased away the melancholy. Or at least tried to.

“Fair enough.”

They only walked at first. Then they got silly and started running on the beach and toward the house, laughing like teenagers. They stepped into the house, said a quick hello to Miss Emma and scampered upstairs, locking themselves in their bedroom, and then in their private bathroom. They were both freezing and scorching hot at the same time, and they decided that a nice, warm bath was the best option.

Once in the giant bathtub, they spent over an hour just cuddling and kissing, lathering one another and playing. At one point, Michael simply pulled Lisa into his lap and their kisses turned more intense, hotter. Desire took the place of playfulness, making them forget about everything else for the time being.

Lisa loved being so close to him. She loved feeling her naked skin against him, trace the lines of his muscles. His shoulders, his chest, his solid abdomen. And she never had stopped being amazed at the intensity of his desire, his passion, and the way it seemed to spread through everything he was, inside and out. She, too, desired and craved him exactly the way she always had. Nothing had changed in that department.

She knew that, since they had met again two years earlier, they had been going at a nutty speed to make up for all the lost time and she was more than glad to keep doing just that. Not a minute in Michael’s company had ever been boring to her – ever – not even when things were at their shittiest between the two of them.

And now that nothing remained but the sparkling perfection of their tattered, scarred, and yet beautiful souls, the only thing she wanted was to keep living this dream become true. He had taught her to dream again, after all.

And so, when Michael guided himself inside of her slowly and purposefully, making her feel every single bit of his love, Lisa just closed her eyes and savored the moment their bodies became one and started to soar where there was no time and no space. She tasted the magnitude of that first hit. It always felt as if he was touching her everywhere – finding places and exploring them. In those moments, she stopped being a human being and became a whole world, wanting nothing more than being conquered by him.

Opening her eyes again, she found the look of utter concentration painted all over his beautiful face. She was clinging to his shoulders, the water warm against her skin, his body even hotter. Her fingers found their place in his wet hair. She felt the soft texture of his curls, leaned in and kissed his lips as he started to move with feigned laziness and slowness that, instead, was the perfect mirror for his desire to make her feel every single instant, and every single motion.

She forgot how many times she reached heaven, in that bathtub. What she did know, was that he seemed intent to communicate with his body everything his words – said or unsaid – could not convey or express in a comprehensible manner. It was OK. She knew. Now she knew everything that she had always needed to know. About him, about them, about herself. And she would fight tooth and nail to never forget again.

When Michael finally let go, when his self-control finally snapped and she saw his features turn into that agonizing pleasure that always managed to send her straight to orbit, she struggled to keep her eyes open, not wanting to lose that stage when he was nothing but light and music, and when he had no defenses – because he didn’t need them. At that very moment, she was the one increasing the motions in his lap, holding him prisoner and freeing him at the same time, her hands framing his face, seeing all their lives on his features that reflected so beautifully the time that had passed.

Lisa asked him to look at her as he came and he did. And when she felt him, her lips lingered against his forehead and there they remained, until his body stopped tensing and jerking, and his muscles relaxed.

“I got you, Mike… I got you.”

Maybe in a parallel universe she didn’t. But not this one. In this universe, they were together – and that was all that mattered.

Hours later, the door opened and Riley and Paris entered the house chatting and laughing. Of course, it was already dark outside but the girls had kept their promise and had arrived home right on time for dinner. Emma, the cook, and Marcus, the gardener, had already left and had gone back home to their family – but not before getting everything ready for a beautiful New Year’s Eve at the mansion. Or Hogmanay, as they called it in Scotland.

The food was ready to be served, and the garden was decorated with spectacular lights. Marcus had even insisted on doing the “redding of the house,” and had swept out the fireplace in the huge living room. Then he had gone from room to room carrying a smoking juniper branch to “discourage evil spirits”… or whatever he called them. Looking at him, Michael and Lisa had exchanged a glance, both thinking that maybe it was for the best that baby Kellan was out with the girls. All that smoke…

But hey, an evil-less house sure worked for them. They were so done with nasty spirits. So yeah, they were totally down for the Hogmanay celebrations.

Anyway, when the girls entered the dining room, Lisa emerged from the kitchen and Kellan immediately squealed, the moment he saw her.

“Mama!” He held out his tiny chubby hands to her and she smiled, broadly, walking over to Riley and kissing her son’s head, letting him grab her face and squirm in delight.

“Hi, my beautiful baby boy!”

“Oh my God, mom! Take him, please!” Riley quickly put the infant in Lisa’s arms, and Kellan kept doing his little wormy dance for several more seconds.

“Did he behave?” Lisa unzipped his soon windbreaker and noticed that he was sweaty. She rolled her eyes. “Michael!”

“Where is he?” Paris gently touched Lisa’s shoulder, then helped her remove Kellan’s jacket. “Yeah, he was an angel. As usual. I just think he was a little overdressed…”

“I know, right?” Shaking her head, Lisa touched her son’s forehead. Luckily, he was cool and hopefully he wouldn’t be running a fever. “Get your dad’s butt over here, Paris, please… This was his idea…”

“This onion thing?”

“Yeah…”

Paris made a face. “I know. He used to do that with us, too… He thinks nobody loves the cold just ‘cause he doesn’t. Dad!”

“Where’s Mike?” Riley looked confused.

“I don’t know… I was setting the table. Last time I saw him he was in the living room, drawing…” Lisa had sat Kellan on the kitchen island, still shaking her head. He, on the other hand, grabbed a spoon and started banging it on the marble surface, then put it in his mouth and drooled.

“I’m gonna go get him…” Paris walked out of the kitchen and Riley stared at her mother for a moment.

“You and Mike good?”

“If he doesn’t manage to make our son sick, yeah… we’re good…”

“Mom…”

“What?”

“Mom…” Riley reached out, touching her arm, and Kellan shrieked happily. He was enthusiastic about everything – and a bit loud at times. Just like his mother.

Both women winced. Then Lisa found her daughter’s eyes.

“What, Riley?”

“You guys look happy. So very, very happy.”

Lisa paused and relaxed, one hand grabbing Riley’s, the other resting over her son’s head.

“We are…” She smiled. It was the truth. The taste of happiness when you thought it would never be again was unlike any other. It put everything into perspective. “Aren’t you sad the two Bens won’t be here tonight?”

Riley shrugged. “Nah. I mean, whatever. Look, they wanted to do an all-boys thing anyway, and I’m glad to be spending New Year’s Eve here at the mansion. I love this place. It’s so… peaceful. Besides, Harper and Fin and all the guys will be here in a few days anyway, so…”

“Right. Plus, us girls will be the majority tonight, so it’s all good.”

“Yeah. I wanna say hello to Mike, though…”

“I’m here…” Michael appeared on the threshold scratching his head and yawning, one arm around Paris’ shoulders – who clung to her father and looked, as usual, utterly enamored with him. “Hi, Riley…”

“Were you asleep?” As she walked over to him and kissed his cheek, Riley frowned. “On New Year’s Eve?”

“Yeah…”

“My dad’s become lazy.” Paris pinched his stomach and he grabbed her hand, kissing it quickly.

“No, I haven’t. I guess I just dozed off for a minute.”

“Or an hour…” Lisa was now back at focusing on Kellan’s clothes. “Mike, baby, can you please come here and take a look at this?”

The moment his dad appeared in his field of view, Kellan started shrieking again and Michael smiled, not in the least bothered by the noises his son made.

“Here’s my little man!” Laughing, he hugged his son and kissed his forehead, then glared at Lisa. “Lise, Kel’s sweating. He don’t need layers and layers of clothes in the house…” He turned back to his son. “We don’t want you to get a cold, right squirmy boy? Let’s go… Let’s go put on your jammies… And…” Picking the baby up, Michael flinched. “…And I think we’re gonna need to change your diaper, too…”

Quite nonchalantly, he started heading out of the kitchen, as Kellan grabbed his shirt with one hand, his hair with the other and babbled.

Lisa just stared at him, one hand on her hip as he pretended to ignore her. It was just too funny.

“Michael… Seriously?”

“What?” He turned and looked at her blankly.

She raised her eyebrows.

“Oh, right!” Walking back to her, he gave her a quick peck on the lips. “You’re beautiful. And that tablecloth is amazing, I love it. We’ll be right back, OK? Don’t miss us too much.”

And just like that, he was gone.

Lisa shook her head and couldn’t help but chuckle. Paris and Riley just went along with her.

“He truly is something else…” Still snickering, Riley poured herself a glass of wine.

“He sure is.” Lisa checked the oven. “Alright, I think dinner’s gonna be ready in about twenty minutes… If you girls wanna go freshen up, I guess you can do it.”

“I’m gonna take a shower real quick… Later!” Gulping down her wine, Riley quickly kissed her mother’s cheek and hurried upstairs.

Paris just stayed in the kitchen with Lisa, enjoying some comfortable silence. She walked over to the large French walls facing the garden and watched the decorations illuminating the darkness outside.

“This place is so beautiful, Lisa… It reminds me a bit of Neverland, you know?”

“Really?” Lisa went to stand next to her and gazed outside. She had never considered Ròs House even remotely similar to Michael’s ranch. In fact, it looked completely different.

Paris seemed to read her thoughts.

“It’s not about the look… It’s about the atmosphere. It feels like home. You can feel the peace in each one of these rooms. It’s like a shelter. And when we were little, I used to think that the ranch was this magical place where nothing bad would ever happen…” Her eyes became remote for a moment. “Of course, now I know that was just silly.”

“It really is not. Children have the right to feel safe… Especially in their own home.”

“Yeah… probably. But still… I love coming here every time I get the chance, because I can tell this is where my dad is supposed to be. Not moving from country to country… hiding. No matter what, he always was hiding. I don’t want that for him. And I know he is sheltered here. I know he’s no longer alone… and neither are you. None of us is.”

Reaching out, Lisa rested her hand on Paris’ shoulder and squeezed it gently. She didn’t know what to say. But she was not going to let regret and old, sad memories poison the moment.

“Oh, by the way… He really had been drawing, you know?”

“That’s so… not surprising…” Lisa smiled, grateful for the reprieve. “You know how your dad is. He loves a challenge.”

“What was it?”

“The challenge? Well…” Lisa crossed her arms over her chest. “I told him that no way he would be able to draw me by heart. And of course, he said he could and so I let him do his thing. So we stayed in separate rooms.”

“Did you the see the result?” Paris’ blue eyes, so eerily similar to her own, glanced at her mischievously.

“No, I told you… I had to get dinner ready.”

“Alright… Wait…”

Quickly, Paris disappeared and came back from the living room holding Michael’s notepad.

“Check this out…” She whispered, holding the block out. “Isn’t it lovely?”

Lisa looked, her lips parted to say something and then… closed again. And her eyes glazed over. Of course, Michael had won the challenge.

On that sheet of paper, drawn in blacks, whites, and greys, she saw herself the way she looked when she and Michael had fallen in love. So many years earlier. Every detail was perfect… Her hair, her lips, her nose, her chin. Her eyes reflected all the love and tenderness she had always thought would be there every time she looked at him. Even disguised afters shadows and shadows of doubt, fear, pain. As a matter for fact, Lisa was pretty sure she still looked at him with the same devotion and amazement she had always felt for him.

Michael had never forgotten a single thing – no matter how unmindful he seemed to be at times. He was not. Not when it came to the important stuff. He remembered, always.

It was now effortless, for Lisa, to depict Michael alone in her mind’s eyes. Sitting somewhere in one of those apartments he had occupied during his hiatus, drawing and drawing all the people and things that were important to him. To keep them alive. Just like so many of those same people did their best to keep him alive in their memory. And Michael was a man who knew very well that practice made perfect.

Perfect, just like that drawing.

“It is beautiful. But you know what?” Lisa turned to Paris and blinked back the tears. “He scolded me twice already today because I was weepy. So I’m not gonna cry now. In fact, I think we should put this away for a bit.”

Paris smiled, and something in her expression told Lisa that she understood.

“Alright. You know what? I’m gonna take that quick shower. And maybe daddy can use your help with my little brother… what do you think?”

Lisa raked her hand through her hair and sighed. “Yeah… You know what? I think you’re right.”

She found him in Kellan’s room, in the rocking chair, lulling the baby to sleep. And she stopped at the door to take in the perfect sight in front of her for a minute. Still humming some barely audible tune, Michael glanced up at her and winked. Lisa smiled.

“Before you ask… The girls fed him before they went back home because he was hungry. And now he’s tired. So I guess he’s gonna be out for a few hours, now… Maybe he’ll wake up just in time for the stroke of midnight…”

“I wasn’t gonna ask. You’re an amazing dad and you always know what you’re doing.” Quietly, Lisa walked over and crouched down next to him. “…Well, almost.”

“He was not overdressed.” Smirking, Michael bent his head and they kissed. “Alright… I’m gonna tuck him in…”

“Can I?” Lisa’s eyes seemed to sparkle in the dim light. He studied her for a moment.

“Of course…”

She took the baby from his arms and Kellan didn’t wake up, not even when she put him in his crib and stayed there for a couple of minutes with Michael, just observing him with that amazement and pride that was so typical of many parents. His eyes closed, his pout in place, the baby was so beautiful to the point that sometimes she doubted he was even real. The perfect blend of his parents in so many ways, aesthetically and otherwise. The best part of them.

“I’ve seen your drawing, by the way…”

They were now holding hands and walking down the corridor, directed to the large staircase leading to the ground floor. They could already hear Riley and Paris chatting animatedly, in the dining room.

Michael stopped and pulled Lisa to him.

“Oh, did you? So now you know I won.” He smiled and she pulled his head down, kissing him.

“Yes, you did.” She backed off, slightly and stared at him, from one eye to the other. “I love you so much, Michael. With every single part of me.”

His smile softened, and so did his entire face. Holding her by the waist, he pulled her close to him.

“You think you’re gonna love me next year, too?”

“Oh yeah…” Lisa’s arms came to rest around his neck. “And the next… and the next… and so on, and on, and on.”

“Great… Very convenient, given that I love you too. You ready for the celebrations, Lise?”

“I can’t wait.”

“Let’s go then. We got a new year to look forward to.”

“Did you grab the baby monitor?”

“Gosh, lady, who do you think you’re talking to?” Michael giggled. “In my back pocket…”

Lisa reached behind, grabbed his ass and squeezed it as they resumed walking toward the stairs.

“Lise…”

“Mh?”

“It’s in the other pocket…”

“Oh, I know…”

Michael scooped her up abruptly and she squealed, then buried her face in his neck, holding onto him just like she had always wanted, as he marched down the stairs and into 2019.

End.

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