Ten

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”
(Washington Irving)

Day Zero

Nothing. Zero. Nada. Zilch.

Darkness, and peace, and quiet, and silence. The absence of everything that used to be present. And he floated, because there was nothing else he could do. Nothing else he would have wanted to do anyway. It was mainly because he could not remember what he had left behind – and who. The conquests, the victories, the fans… The kids. His mother. His brothers and sisters, all of them – including Jermaine. The women he had loved… And one woman especially. The one he had loved the most. The one who, more than anyone else, had managed to change his life. The one he had let in fully, and the one he had lost, and whose loss he would always mourn. But not now.

He couldn’t remember any of it, and so he kept floating. Which was good. Because among the things he had forgotten, there was also the stress and anxiety of the last handful of months. The exhaustion, the pressure of putting together a show that he didn’t feel genuinely and entirely his own. Not that he had any choice: he had been put in the condition of doing it. Stepping on stage again, dozens and dozens of times. He was older now. Tired. Not as fit as he would have liked. Thinner. Weaker. And way less motivated that he used to be when things were… different.

But anyway, he had no idea of what was going on. At least for what he believed were several hours, he just stayed put in his cotton-candy-like feeling of nothingness and complete abandon. Until someone dragged him out of it like a newborn coming to the world. No delicacy whatsoever. It was traumatic and it felt scary. Whatever the dimension he had been immersed in was, he felt comfortable in it and would have stayed there… maybe forever, even, if only those invisible deities had allowed him to do it.

But of course, it didn’t happen. Some higher powers decided that it was time for him to come back and wake up, so they woke him up. And Michael found himself in a hospital bed, an oxygen mask on his face, hooked up to an IV line.

He opened his mouth to say something, but not a sound came out. What was going on with his voice? Squinting his eyes, he looked up at the man in the white coat. Obviously a doctor. Michael hoped his eyes conveyed all his confusion.

“Mr. Jackson?”

Michael nodded his head.

“Can you speak? Do you want to try again?”

Yeah, well, of course, he wanted to try again. He swallowed, and this time his voice managed to come back, albeit very low, very deep and huskier than he remembered.

“Where am I?”

“At the UCLA Medical Center in L.A., Mr. Jackson.” The doctor scanned his face. “Do you know what day it is?”

Alright. That was a difficult question because his internal clock was a bit fucked up at the moment. But hey, he could make an educated guess.

“June…” Glancing outside the window, Michael noticed that it was a sunny day. “…25th? 2009.”

He kind of found it superfluous to specify the year but still… He did it anyway, just in case.

The doctor – whose name, according to the badge, was B. Barry, which was kinda hilarious – cocked his head to a side.

“Almost. It’s June 26th.”

“The year is correct, though.”

Doctor B. Barry – and in his mind, Michael had already started to call him Barry Barry – smiled.

“Yes, Mr. Jackson, the year is indeed correct. You haven’t been unconscious for years… only for a day.”

“Well… Sh…oot. What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Should I?”

“I don’t know. You tell me. What’s the last thing you remember?”

Michael took a deep breath and tried to gather his thoughts. Why was this dude asking all these tricky questions? He was tired. Not sleepy, but certainly a bit… stiff. Both physically and mentally.

“Rehearsing.” He coughed and winced, pulling the mask down because he felt he was getting high with all that oxygen. The doctor let him. “For my upcoming tour.”

It was the truth. And it had even been a good night. But after that… nothing but complete darkness. And all of a sudden Michael wondered if there would be a tour at all, given that he was in a hospital bed.

Barry Barry nodded his head.

“OK.”

“OK? So… What happened? Did I have an accident? What?”

“You survived an overdose, Mr. Jackson. You had a narrow escape when you were put to sleep with something that shouldn’t be used outside a hospital environment and risked not to wake up anymore.”

Michael felt his cheeks on fire. He didn’t know why, but he was embarrassed. Shocked. He was also well on his way to a guilt trip. His kids, his mom… Lisa. Shit. Clearing his throat, he tilted his head in the direction of the IV.

“What’s that?”

“Fluids. You’re also dehydrated.”

“OK…”

Big surprise there, champ.

“You can rest some more if you want. Then later today, you might want to eat something if you’re up to it. And tomorrow, when you’re less tired, people are waiting to see you.”

“Who’s waiting?”

The doctor narrowed his eyes.

“Oh, a lot of people. They’re coming and going. Your brothers and sisters were there. I think Miss Janet is still in the waiting room. Your mother and father, too. And Miss Presley.”

What?!?

Day One

About twenty-four hours later, Michael was doing his best to ignore his mother’s worried look as she sat beside the bed. He was still mightily embarrassed and felt – still! – tremendously guilty for having worried everyone so much. As long as he was in the hospital, he supposed that feeling wouldn’t be going anywhere. But still… Before his debacle he just had been in pain and so very tired, really. Nothing more than that. It wasn’t that he wanted to die or anything.

However, according to Barry Barry that was precisely what had almost happened: Michael had miraculously survived after experiencing a life-changing and traumatic event, and now he would have to accept that several people around him had been hurt, too. The only upside of the whole situation was that the kids had been asleep when the ambulance arrived, during the night, and they just thought their daddy wasn’t feeling well and had gone to the hospital for some check-ups. Nonetheless, Michael knew that he would have to tell them the truth, one day.

But not today. Shaking his head, he played with the food in his plate. He wasn’t really hungry, but if he managed to get better maybe Barry Barry would let him go home earlier than planned, so…

“Michael…”

“Yes, Mother.” He looked up at her and smiled. Her deep brown eyes stared at him from behind the glasses. She looked sad and worn out.

“Aren’t you going to eat your mashed potatoes? You should eat, son. Get stronger. You’re so thin.”

Keeping his grin in place without really feeling it, Michael pushed a forkful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. How uncanny it was that he would always feel so little, in front of his mother. Like a kid. He never, ever wanted to disappoint her, or hurt her. And if eating that stuff made her feel better now, hell – he would eat a truckload of it.

“I’m eating. See? I’ll get fat and healthy in no time, Mother. I promise.” He crossed his heart for good measure and was able to make her smile a little bit, even though she rolled her eyes at him.

The small gesture made his soul ache. God… he wanted to make this good. He wanted to make it all OK. For everyone. Himself, too. He had hated seeing his family so upset. He had never terrorized them like this before and honestly… he, too, had been scared shitless when he finally had realized what had happened. He had no idea. Which was so not a good thing. Because if he had no idea, it meant that he had not been in control at all.

He and Mother had spent a couple of hours talking. At first even Joseph was there, but he left after a bit. When Michael had seen him enter the room, for a moment he had feared his father would scold him and bark at him, but it hadn’t happened. Joseph looked exhausted and older and worried. His siblings did too. And then there was Lisa. Shit…

Mother had tried to touch the subject and he had skimmed over it as elegantly as he could. According to her, Lisa had been at the hospital pretty much non-stop since she had been informed about the news. She had only gone back home a couple of times, for a few hours, but the first night – the one that Michael had spent floating in some sort of weird afterlife that felt like black cotton candy – she had never moved from the waiting room. Stoic and terrified. Those were the words Mother had used. Stoic and terrified.

“So… About Lisa Marie…”

Well. Obviously Mother was also very much capable of reading his mind.

“Yes?”

Another forkful of mashed potatoes.

“Do you want me to ask her to leave?”

“No!” Michael cleared his throat and put the fork down. “No. I’d like to see her. If she wants to see me, that is.”

Day Two

Michael was glad he was not hooked to a heart monitor. He could only imagine the scene: Lisa entering the room, the whole machine going haywire, nurses and doctors running in, maybe even Lisa performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on him.

Yeah… not likely. Whatever the doctors had given him, it clearly had made him delusional and a bit exhilarated. To the point that he was already fidgeting when the door opened and she stepped in. The desire of seeing her and running away filling his heart in equal parts.

And just like that, there she was. The moment she stepped into the room, the memory of their last time making love assaulted him and he hoped his plain, collected expression didn’t betray his inner turmoil.

Lisa was already married to that odd fella, when it had happened. They had met, pretty casually, and at first it had all been kind of friendly. But then they had stepped into way more familiar territory when they had engaged in some heavy-ass petting in his limo, unable to help themselves – like fire and gasoline once put side by side. She was staying at a hotel, and Michael’s intention had just been to take her there. No need for you to take a cab, Lise, he had told her.

The lies people would tell themselves to keep engaging in their delusions. Of course, she had agreed. And everything had happened.

Once in front of the hotel, he was breathless and his pants were two sizes smaller than he remembered them – the slightest caress of her hand had about made him lose it. He was almost ready to let her go when she had asked him if he wanted to “come in for a drink.” Oh, he wanted to come in alright. So they had managed to go upstairs from another entrance and using a private elevator and for a couple of hours, they had forgotten they were no longer together. It had been intense and passionate and excruciating and when, afterward, he had seen her try to hide her tears, he hadn’t even been mad at her, really. It had only made him wonder: was she crying because she had cheated on her husband or because… because she missed her ex-husband? He hadn’t asked and she had never told him. Michael thought he would probably remain insecure about her reaction for the rest of his life.

He focused back on the present and met her eyes.

God… she was still such a delicious vision. So beautiful. A little fuller, but after all her twins were what, now? Eight, nine months old? Michael struggled to remember. Knowing well how much it had cost him to send her a congratulations note when she had given birth. With that other man by her side, not him. Right… he had to be always mindful of the fact that Lisa was no longer his. As a matter of fact, she hadn’t been his for quite some time.

However, the mere sight of her took his breath away and something must have happened to her too, because she just stood there for a moment, just staring at him with those bright eyes that always haunted his dreams. Then, as if she had suddenly remembered what she had to do, she closed the door behind her back.

“Hey…”

She sounded as if she had lost her voice. Or as if her heart was up in her throat. Yeah… he could relate.

Michael was sitting up on the bed and just wished he didn’t look so crappy. Face unshaven, hair wild. She saw her smile, a little bashfully, then her eyes welled up and she closed them for a second. Her struggle was apparent and he realized how terrified she might have been. How much he had scared her.

“Hey… Lise…”

She just stood there, near the door. He blushed.

“I ain’t gonna bite you.”

That made her laugh. A breathless, sad laugh that seemed to shake her from the inside. Oh, how he wanted to just stand up and take her into his arms. His fists closed in the sheets.

Lisa stepped into the room, her eyes sparkling. The closer she got, the more he noticed how upset she was. When she finally got near the bed, reaching out automatically he took her hand and she gasped at the contact. Swallowing, Michael tugged at her gently. A moment later, she was sitting on the bed and holding onto him. Her face was hidden in the crook of his neck, her hand was in his hair, and he felt like flying.

“Weren’t you in England?” He spoke very softly and inhaled her familiar scent. All the while, he kept holding onto her.

“I was in Memphis for business. Random. Then… Then the news broke and I came as fast as I could.”

“I know you were here… Mother told me…”

She nodded and then did something he thought would never happen again. She moved her face and kissed his cheek. He felt the wet sensation of her tears touching his skin and backed off slightly, framing her face with both hands.

“Look at me. I’m OK. Don’t cry.”

“Too late…”

“Well… then stop.”

“You scared me to death, Michael. You scared the living shit out of me.”

Michael just bit his lip and pulled her into his arms once again.

“Thank you for visiting me…”

What else was he supposed to say? He knew. He was aware.

“Hell, you better believe it. I am not gonna leave until your skinny ass is back on track. Don’t even try me.”

Oh, no. He wasn’t going to try her at all. He was going to take full advantage of the situation. Lisa couldn’t know how lonely he had felt in the past months. Well, in the past years. Michael closed his eyes and smiled.

Day Three

“Lise?” Turning his head on the pillow, Michael tried to intercept her face, half-hidden behind a curtain of long, auburn hair. “…Baby?”

God, the word had come out so naturally. He was not supposed to call her that. But hey… she hadn’t heard him. She was still asleep. In his hospital room, after she had refused to leave him, the night before. And he, well, to tell the truth he had been thrilled. They had talked up until late and at one point she was way more exhausted than he was. He had asked her if she wanted to go home, fearing her answer, but Lisa had been adamant.

“No, I have it covered for tonight. I’ll leave for a few hours tomorrow.”

“And then you’ll come back?” He had tried to sound as casual and inconspicuous as he could.

“Yeah… I’ll come back.”

Michael had fought the urge to reach out and take her hand.

“Do you think Barry Barry will take this off sooner or later?” Needing to change the subject, he had tilted his head in the direction of his IV.

Lisa had scrunched her forehead.

“Who’s Barry Barry?”

“Ah… The doctor?”

She had snorted.

“You’re such a shithead. Clearly your brain got more damaged than I thought.”

But of course, she had been barely able to contain her chuckle. It had made him smile. Besides, how cool it was that they could finally start joking about what had happened, albeit cautiously, euphoric as they both were because of the miracle of his unexpected survival? Despite knowing well that Lisa, just like him, had a very sick sense of humor, Michael decided not to push it. He didn’t want to spoil this moment that felt so much like those comfortable moments he and Lisa used to share when things were good. When they still belonged to each other.

“Well, his badge says B. Barry, so I assumed…”

“It’s Bernard. Bernard Barry.”

“Bernard Barry? Bernie Barry. Which is even more hilarious.” He had raised an eyebrow. “And you happen to know that because…?”

“Because I asked, Mike. That’s what people sometimes do instead of assuming.” She had paused, staring at him with that slight grin on her lips. Michael recognized a subtle, gentle jab when he saw one.

Once again, he wanted nothing but get out of bed and be close to her. But he couldn’t because, according to the doctor, he still needed fluids and the darn IV was still attached to his arm. However, later that night a nurse had indeed come in to take the darn thing off. She had been cute and slightly flirtatious with Michael, and he had glanced at Lisa furtively. Her poker face was in place, but he knew her… It didn’t matter how shitty their relationship had managed to become at one point, certain things never changed.

Michael gazed at Lisa, longingly. She was curled up like a little ball on the plush armchair near the window. So close. So far away. And as usual, she looked so young and innocent when she slept.

Nothing. She mumbled something and snuggled more into her blanket. He sighed, then slowly got off the bed. His joints felt rubbery and his head was spinning but hey, he needed to pee. And even before that, he had to get rid of his morning… problem down there.

As if directly connected to his thoughts, or maybe because she had heard him, Lisa opened her eyes and went from sleepyhead to fully alert caretaker mode in zero time.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing?” She ran her hand through her tousled hair.

Michael straightened his back and flinched.

“Going to the bathroom?”

“Well, not on your own. You’re too weak, and I don’t want you to fall.”

“I’m not senile, you know…” He had to smirk but of course, he knew she was not going to budge. Rising from the chair, she too winced and walked over to him, placing her hand on the small of his back.

“Come on…”

“Lise – seriously. I don’t need help to go to the bathroom, Jesus…”

“Well, I am no Jesus and I don’t give a shit. I gotta brush my teeth anyway, so you better deal with it.”

Rolling his eyes, he allowed her to go with him, feeling embarrassed and ecstatic at the same time. He had always loved the way she would take care of him. He had also always been too proud to admit it.

“So… Can I pee or you wanna… you know, do your thing first?”

They were standing in front of the sink, looking at their own reflection in the mirror. He saw the years that had passed in their tired expressions. He saw the longing and the silence created by the distance painting their faces with the slightest brushes. He saw how perfect they still looked together and did his best to downplay it.

Lisa blushed and her gaze dropped on that part of him that still hadn’t managed to behave appropriately. Not that he could do much about it.

“Can you even do that right now?”

She knew him so well. Michael giggled.

“It might take a while… You know what? Brush your teeth, I’ll stay here, and maybe take a shower when you’re done.”

“Let me tell you what we’ll do: you’re gonna sit there and wait for me to brush my teeth, and then I’ll wait for you right here as you take your shower. How about that?”

His eyes narrowed.

“Since when you’re the boss of me?”

“Since you almost caused me a heart attack with your antics. Now sit.”

Well… if she put it that way. Michael shrugged his shoulders and went over to the shower, turning the faucet on, waiting for the water to warm up.

“Yes ma’am…”

He listened to the familiar sound of Lisa brushing her teeth and closed his eyes for a moment. How many times they had shared the space like this? How many times he had hugged her from behind, his arms around her waist, kissing her neck, watching her laugh and squirm because his morning stubble scratched her skin? Glancing back at their reflections in the mirror once again, he almost saw the people they once were. Almost. And then they were gone.

Sighing, he took off the t-shirt he was wearing, then pulled down his pajama pants.

“Hey!” Lisa rinsed her mouth and put down the toothbrush she had conveniently carried with her the first time she had visited him. Just in case. “Do you mind?”

“What do you mean, do I mind. I said I’m taking a shower, and that usually happens with my clothes off. Besides… there’s nothing here you haven’t seen before.”

“No shit.” She pretended to be all engrossed in washing her hands and face, but kept eying him in the mirror. “Mike…”

“What?” His back still half-turned to her, he pulled his underwear down.

“You really need to gain weight.”

He grimaced.

“I know. Please, just…” He just shook his head and sighed. She was right and his defenses were weakest than ever. Besides, he knew her. She wasn’t judging. She was just worried. “No, I know. OK.”

“Amazing. But anyway… you still have a cute ass. Just so you know.”

Keeping his eyes downcast, Michael grinned. She also still knew how to make him feel comfortable, even when he wasn’t at his best.

And so he took his shower as Lisa sat on the small stool near the sink, and they talked about trivial things. They even managed to laugh a little.

This was fun. This felt right. When he asked her if she could hand him a towel, opening the glass door he found her standing right in front of it, a robe in her hands. Their eyes met, and hers were stormy, so very blue.

Michael cleared his throat and ran his hand through his dripping hair.

“Thank you…”

“You’re welcome…”

Her voice sounded hoarse, and the auditory caress almost managed to act like a snake charmer. Goddamn it. But hey, this was good, right? His body and soul felt very much alive. With Lisa by his side, maybe he would heal. Just like it had happened so many years earlier. And even if she left, at one point – ‘cause Michael knew she would have to go, sooner or later – for now he would take everything she had to give.

Day Four

The sunflower peeped into the room even before she did. Then Lisa’s face appeared and she smiled at him, a bit tentatively. She always looked as if she was walking on eggshells when she was around him.

“Hey! Good afternoon! How are you feeling today?” She frowned. “What are you doing out of bed?”

Sitting at the small table near the window, Michael chuckled and put the pencil down.

“Hey, don’t you want me to feel better? ‘Cause I do. And I was bored, not tired at all, so I got up.”

Shrugging, she stepped into the room and closed the door, then walked over to him, the flower in her hand.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. Hi, Michael. Here… This is for you.”

He blinked, smiled, then rose from the chair, towering over her, following her every move. The way she tilted her head up to keep eye-contact. The slight blushing on her cheeks. Her deep, mysterious eyes. His heart swelled in his chest and he felt a little bit like he had felt when he realized he was falling in love with her. It had been such a strange feeling, back then. New, even. The longing when she was not around. The thrill when she would appear. Just like now.

He took the flower from her hand, very gently, then kissed her cheek.

“Thank you. What did I do to deserve a happy flower?”

“Barry Barry is pleased ‘cause you’re eating and starting to gain weight. And I am happy you are. So today… you get a happy flower. Good job!”

He smiled again at her calling the poor doctor that. Her prim, serious attitude was beginning to show some cracks and the old, spunky version of her seeped through, revealing how easy it still was, for Lisa, to jump into the game with him. He was content… and happy that she was back. Michael had not seen her for almost twenty-four hours, and she had not spent the previous night at the hospital with him. Which was only fair, since she had a life outside his room and all, but still… He had missed her.

Lisa’s hand came up and touched his cheek.

“Wow. And you’re all smooth and clean-faced again.”

“I shaved. Didn’t have much else to do.”

She bit her lip, ever so slightly, as if she was engrossed in some remote thought she wasn’t ready to share. It was OK.

“Well… You still looked good. I liked that grizzled chin of yours.” She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes, her hand still in place. “It gave you some sort of mature charm.”

He just grinned back at her in return. When all he wanted to do was lean down and kiss her again. On the lips, this time. But he couldn’t.

Lisa broke the trance first and took a deep breath.

“So… what were you doing?”

She glanced at the notebook. He had scribbled down some lyrics for a new song. Or a poem, maybe. Just random thoughts.

“Just trying to do something with all this free time…” Michael cleared his throat. “Now that I’m finally back at feeling like myself.”

He had experienced some slight withdrawal symptoms, in the past couple of days, and they were finally subsiding. The nurse had told him that it was a common side effect of the therapy he had been subjected to, to cleanse his body as best as possible. Michael had felt antsy. On a couple of occasions, he had hyperventilated and his heart had felt as if it was about to burst out of his chest. According to Dr. Barry, those signs were unpleasant but not life-threatening, and they would resolve soon. He had been right.

“Well, if you’re back at feeling like yourself, maybe we can take a walk outside… It’s a beautiful day. And I’ve spotted a nice corner in the shadow, under a huge white oak… out in the hospital garden.” She arched an eyebrow. “What you think, Mike… Wanna come with me?”

Come with her? Why did everything she said sound so suggestive and enticing? He took a deep breath. He needed to keep his mind out of the gutter. At the same time, if he thought about that kind of stuff, it meant that he was very much alive, which was fine with him.

“Absolutely. Just let me grab my hoodie.”

And so out they went. If someone noticed that Michael was there, they didn’t pay much attention to him and for once they respected his privacy. He and Lisa sat on a bench, under the white oak, and shared some comfortable minutes of silence. They were sitting close, but not really touching. Michael wanted so much to just reach out, put his arm around her shoulders and pull her close, make her snuggle against his body. But he just stayed still, glancing at her as she leaned her head back and looked up, her gaze lost in the tree’s luscious leaves.

“You know what I was thinking…”

“What were you thinking, Lise…”

“That this tree is a bit like you.”

This time Michael turned and watched her.

“Meaning?”

Lisa took a deep breath.

“There are places where trees like this one just don’t belong… because they have powerful roots and they probe the joints in pipes… or grow into cracks in foundations… get hindered by underground structures. Get ruined. Trees are stronger than that and deserve more space. When their roots are healthy, they can gather nutrients from the soil, and at the same time they can support the growth of the tree.” She turned her head and met his eyes. “You belong in a much better place than this, Mike. Your roots are strong. And they will get stronger. It doesn’t matter how many leaves you shed… you’re gonna survive this. You only need a better place to let your roots grow… Or at least, that’s what I think…”

His eyes burned. Automatically, he touched her chin.

“Lise…” He waited for her to look at him. “Why are you here? You making sure my roots got all the space they need?”

Hey, maybe if he tried to make light of it, the desperate feeling of seeing her leave again would quiet down.

She gave him a sad smile.

“You don’t want me to be here? With you?”

Was she seriously asking him that?

“You know I do… But still… I’m alive. I’m OK. I’m out of the woods. I’ll be able to go home in a couple of days… so…”

Lisa sighed and shook her head.

“So they’re letting you go already? OK. Look… I don’t know, Michael. Yeah, I know you’re better now. But I’m afraid…” Her forehead showed that little crease that always accompanied her confusion. And concern. “I’m afraid that if I leave again, something bad will happen. I just don’t know. Am I arrogant? Could be. Maybe this is more for me than it is for you…”

“Like that indifferent thing?”

She bit her lips and stared right ahead. Her embarrassment was apparent.

“Maybe…”

His gaze too got lost in thought, and he leaned back into the bench. He and Lisa were now staring in the same direction. Nothing to see there. Too much to think about. Too many the words that felt choked in his mouth.

“Did you ever believe me, when I said that?”

Michael scrunched his eyebrows.

“No, not really… I know you well enough to see it, when you’re bullshitting.”

“Then…” Was that hesitation he detected? “Then why did you cry?”

Good question. He had cried alright, that day, as they spoke over the phone.

“Because… Well, because it didn’t matter if I believed you or not. You had decided to believe yourself. There wasn’t much I could do about that, was there.”

Lisa exhaled a long breath, and it sounded shaky. Then, without looking at him, she scooted closer and snuggled against his body. One hand resting on his chest, right over his heart as if she needed to make sure it was beating, her head against his shoulder. Slowly, Michael did what he had wanted to do all along: he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.

“Does your husband know you’re here?”

“Of course he does…”

Of course he did.

“And… what does he think of it?”

“Ah… Not sure.”

“Isn’t he jealous?”

“Lockwood and I don’t do jealousy.”

Yeah, no shit. He had kinda figured out when he had been buried deep inside of her, in that hotel room, and it had been evident that she had not been thinking about her odd-looking dude at all. At least not right then. But things – they changed. And sometimes they did it quickly and unexpectedly.

“So he’s OK with you being here…”

“He’s dealing with it.”

Michael moved slightly until their eyes met.

“And you, Lise? Are you dealing with it?”

She just stared at him, her face calm and pensive. Then, without a word, she rested her head against his shoulder once again. Michael just held her and closed his mouth.

Day Five

She hadn’t stayed the night before, and he hadn’t seen her in over a day. Again. This time, Michael wondered if Lisa would ever be back. The conversation they had shared under the tree, in the garden, had been revealing even in its omissions and silences, and maybe she had felt exposed. In need to cower and hide, run away, far from him. It didn’t matter how much she needed to be close and make sure he was alright.

It was a little past ten and he was still sitting at the small table in the corner of the room, staring at the dark garden outside the window. The night had fallen, and Barry Barry had told Michael that he would be ready to go home the next day.

Splendid news. They would have been even better news hadn’t they been accompanied by a sudden sense of dread and emotional pressure. Going back home also meant going back to his duty, responsibilities, contracts, loneliness. Going back to business. Michael had done it countless times before, but now it all felt different. He was older. He guessed it was true that priorities and desires changed with age. He had always been fearless, but lately… Well, lately he had been feeling like a leaf being taken away from the storm. Not really able to deal with everything, but mostly being dealt with.

Getting healthier and stronger had now become essential. What would his kids do without him? His family? His fans? Lisa…

Well, Lisa had her blond dude. Her kids. But there was a part of Michael who was still proud enough to believe she needed a bit of him in her life, too. Anyway, whether that was true or not, clearly she could stay away, since so far she hadn’t shown up at all.

Mother and Joseph had spent several hours with him in the morning while, in the afternoon, he had finally been able to see his children. Michael had been ecstatic and had realized how lost his three must have felt, not really understanding what was going on. At the same time, he was thankful they hadn’t. They didn’t need this. They were way too young for such drama and he… well, he needed to make sure nothing like that ever happened again.

On a side note, Joseph had been… surprising. He had brought Michael a chessboard, for no apparent reason. When Michael had asked him why, his father’s blue eyes had glanced up at him for a moment as he neatly placed piece after piece on the black and white squares.

“Because I know that playing chess relaxes you. And this last night you’re gon’ spend here… I ain’t sure you’ll be able to rest.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Michael had mumbled, but the truth was that Joseph was right, and his unexpected present had been more than surprising. It had shown Michael a thoughtful side of his father that he had only seen seldom through the years. But alas, Joseph hadn’t looked as if he had been vacationing in Hawaii, since June 25th. As a matter of fact, he had looked deflated. Trying very hard to act like his usual self, and maybe for the first time, not really succeeding.

When Lisa knocked on the door, Michael recognized her touch and smiled to himself. The expression on his face was an understatement of what he felt inside. A cauldron that mixed happiness, excitement, sadness, longing. And love, always love. It didn’t matter how hard he tried to bury it, and how many tons of bullshit both he and Lisa threw at one another and themselves. Love had never really vacated the premises.

“Come in.”

Her beautiful face appeared in the door frame. He immediately noticed that there was something there that he couldn’t really pinpoint. Her eyes shone, as if she had cried. But he was not going to ask her anything. Not for now, at least. However, at least she looked happy to see him.

“Good evening, sir.” Lisa stepped into the room, looking good enough to eat in her tight jeans and casual shirt. The bag she carried was big enough to hide a medium-sized dog. Women!

“Ma’am…”

Michael kept sitting at the table, playing with the chess pieces, but automatically his fingers moved from the rook to the white queen, which he positioned right next to the black king.

“Are you playing by yourself?”

“Am I playing with myself? Not right now, no. Not enough privacy.” He narrowed his eyes and Lisa laughed. The blushing of her cheeks didn’t go unnoticed.

“You’re such a moron.”

“I know. But my moronic self is thrilled to see you.” Smiling, he watched her as she walked over to the small table, then took her hand, bringing it to his lips. Once again, Lisa’s eyes seemed to sparkle and her thumb traced his chin.

“And you’re also stubbly again…”

“Well, I figured I would shave tomorrow, once I’m back home and all.”

Lisa let go of him with a sigh and sat across the small table.

“Your mom told me. She’s happy… and worried about your health. I think a part of her wanted for you to stay here a bit longer.”

“Hey, I was a good boy. I could easily have gone home a few days ago, but I’ve waited for Barry Barry to give me the green light.”

“Yeah, that was… surprising. That you managed to tame your notorious impatience, that is.”

Michael stared at the chessboard, lost in thought.

“Did you know that if the queen gets destroyed, the player loses his advantage in the game?”

Lisa just looked at him, her face composed and calm.

“I wouldn’t know. I never play chess.”

He shrugged.

“I was alone this afternoon. Had nobody to play with. So I played by myself. Against myself. And guess what? I won and lost at the same time.”

He stared down at the chess pieces and thought about the irony of his words. They were so true. He had won his kids – and lost the woman he had loved like no other woman in this world. Life was a strange animal. Michael sighed.

“Are you here for a quick visit, Lise? It’s kinda late…”

“Actually, I was thinking about spending the night with you, but if you wanna be on your own, I can come back tomorrow…”

Talk about surprising. His eyes shot up and found her blue-green gaze.

“For real?”

“For real. If you want me.”

God… did he want her? With all his heart and soul. He would never admit that one of the reasons why he had stayed longer than he initially thought went way beyond his need to heal his body from the exhaustion and fatigue that had been afflicting him. Michael had not yet gone home because this miniature world included Lisa. Coming to visit him almost every day, sometimes spending the night. Sometimes… just like now.

“Of course I want you to stay.”

“Cool. ‘Cause I’m so not in the mood to drive back to my mother’s right now.” Lisa took her bag from the floor and pulled the zipper open. “And this time I even brought my pajamas. So I won’t look like a hobo tomorrow.”

“You should take the bed.”

Michael still remembered how stiff she had been in the morning, after spending the night on that armchair. Sure, the thing was fluffy and comfy, but not enough to sleep on it. And Lisa, just like him, was prone to back pain.

“There’s only one bed here, and you’re the patient, remember? I’m taking the armchair.” She scrunched her nose in that cute little way that always made him smile. “I think I’ll survive.”

“No, I mean – nobody should sleep on that thing. My bed is big enough for both of us.”

Lisa turned serious and stared at him.

“Stop being an -”

“What? Thoughtful? Smart? Practical?”

“An ass.”

“A practical ass. And stop insulting me! Lisa, what are you afraid of? We’re in a hospital room, not in the presidential suite at the St. Regis…”

Of all places in the world, how weird it was that it had been that very hotel peeping into his mind. The hotel where she had claimed him – and he had claimed her – in 1997, when they had finally gotten back together after the disastrous back and forth of their divorce. The things they had done in that suite. And how many times they had done them. Michael cleared his throat and stood up.

“Just listen to me for once. It’s just a… bed, OK? And you look… I don’t know, like you need to relax.”

“Yeah, no shit. I ain’t even pretending I don’t.”

“What happened?”

She raked her hand through her hair.

“Nothing. You know what? You’re right. It’s just a bed. Happy? Can I use the bathroom?”

Michael shrugged. What the fuck was wrong with her? Was she mad at him now?

“Sure, go ahead. I’ll be waiting for you…” He pointed at the bed. “In that piece of furniture that we’ll be using for sleep.”

This time, Lisa snorted and he was glad he once again had been able to take some pressure off her. He was glad he could still make her smile – because when she smiled, the whole room seemed to light up.

She didn’t make him wait too long. As a matter of fact, he had just gotten into bed when she appeared again, all nice and ready. Wearing a flimsy t-shirt and some baggy pajama pants. Her hair down, her skin smooth and tan, she was still as gorgeous as she had been any night that they had spent together through the years. Michael hoped he would be able to behave, as he wasn’t even tired and the night was still young. For good measure, he pulled the covers back for her and she grinned.

“See? Nice guy that I am, I’m gonna let you sleep on the best side of the bed. Near the window.”

“As long as you don’t steal the blanket…” Lisa sat and immediately the warmth emanating from her body seemed to close the gap physically separating them.

“I never did anything of that sort.”

“Yeah, sure…” Still sitting up, she seemed to assess the environment. “Hey! It’s comfy!”

“I told you. I don’t want you to ruin your back on that armchair.”

“Weird. You would never think about my back, when we…”

“When we what?” His eyes met her and she laughed, lying down and tugging at the blanket.

“Nothing, a stupid joke. Mike – let go of the darn thing. You’re sitting on it.”

Giggling, he went under the covers with her and turned off the light. When the room fell in the darkness, they were still chuckling. Until the moment of hilarity subsided and the darkness also became silence. They were standing close, their shoulders touching. Both with their eyes open, staring at the ceiling.

“Lisa?”

“Mh…”

“Joseph came to visit today. He told me I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. That’s why he brought the chessboard.”

“Well, last time I was here you slept just fine, Michael. I checked.”

“Yeah, I know. But anyway… I think I can rest now.”

More silence followed, and then he heard her sniffle.

“What’s wrong?”

His eyes had gotten used to the almost complete darkness and he turned to a side, reaching out, touching her face. He found a tear.

“Why are you crying? Again. Don’t think I hadn’t noticed you were upset when you arrived…” He bit his lip. “Did you and your husband fight?”

“That’s not why I’m crying.”

No? And at the same time, Lisa had not denied that she and Lockwood had had a quarrel. Well… she once had told Michael that she and her husband never fought. He guessed things weren’t always the way they looked.

“Then, why?”

She moved and turned to face him.

“I don’t wanna hear you say that.”

“Say what?”

He sure was clueless!

“That you can rest.”

“But I can! You know I always sleep better when you’re with me. Do you want me to lie?”

“No… It’s just… I don’t know, it was a weird choice of words…”

“What? Rest? I meant sleep, Lisa. What do you think I meant?”

“Nothing. It’s me. It’s all in my head. Never mind.”

She tried to turn away from him and his hand on her shoulder stopped her. He was able to make out her eyes and they locked gaze.

“Look at me… I’m OK. See? I’m here.” His face softened. “I am so sorry I scared you. All of you.”

Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment and she shook her head.

“Don’t ever do anything like that again, Michael.” Reaching out, Lisa grabbed him by the front of his t-shirt and tugged at it, slightly. “Never again, you heard me? You don’t know… you cannot possibly know…”

She was right. He did not know. But he felt her anguish, and it was more than enough. As a matter of fact, it was too much to bear. Scooting closer, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her against his torso. Lisa didn’t even flinch, and hid her face in his chest instead. Her scent, the texture of her skin and hair, the rhythm of her breathing – all comforting, all stirring, all sheer manifestations of life in its purest form. His heart broke for her, but at the same time he felt elated. And if he was selfish because of that, he decided to ignore it.

“So… you and your husband did fight… Why?”

“He doesn’t like that I spend so much time with you.”

“He wants you to be home? With him?”

“Yeah. And the babies. Who of course, are my life. But still…”

“What…?”

Once again, Lisa shook her head.

“Nothing. I told him that I needed to be with you. To make sure you were OK, take care of you…”

Take care of you.

Michael didn’t know what happened after she said those words. He thought he had been listening to her carefully, but then something clicked, something snapped in his mind. What had she said, just a minute earlier? Something about his choice of words? Yeah, now he got it. Because he had just experienced the same thing. And he moved on autopilot, framing her face with both his hands, tilting her head up to him, and finding her mouth. Kissing her. Just like that. As if it were the most normal thing in the world. As if she still belonged to him.

And also waiting for her to push him back and remind him that this was not what they were supposed to be doing.

Only, it didn’t happen.

Lisa’s hands mirrored his and came up, one in his hair, the other framing his cheek, as she fully reciprocated the kiss. Once again Michael felt her tears and, this time, he didn’t stop them. He just kept kissing her.

Day Six

Michael glanced at the clock on the wall and noticed it was about five in the morning. Good. Which meant that they still had a bit of time.

“What are you doing?” Lisa’s breathless voice reached him through the fog of his arousal and he glanced down at her.

“Nothing…”

“Good… Come back here…” Panting, she pulled his head down once again and her mouth found him, her tongue stroked his for the umpteenth time and his hand snaked down, underneath her t-shirt, finding her breast, cupping it, loving the way she arched into him. Loving the feeling of her goosebumps under his palm.

God… the night had been… crazy, to say the least. In so many different ways. And one of the most unforgettable and erotic of his entire life. He still had no idea how they had managed not to fuck, but he was willing to keep up the heavy petting for a century or two, no hurry at all.

His lips moved to her neck and he felt her nails scraping the small of his back. Then they found his ass and held onto it. He wanted her so bad – it was almost physically painful. Since they had kissed the first time, hours earlier, they had been unable to stop. They hadn’t slept for a minute, and honestly, Michael wasn’t tired at all. Lisa too seemed to be perfectly awake, despite gazing at him through those hooded eyes that looked both lazy and incredibly sexy.

What had they done?

They had… well, kissed. And snuggled, and touched each other like a couple out on their first date. The first base had been exhaustively covered when he had started fondling her breasts as she kept kissing him as if her life depended on it.

Then at one point Lisa’s naughty side had emerged, when she had reached down, touching him below the belt, caressing him through the fabric of his pants. He had no idea what supernatural force had given him the strength to hold on and not come. He was so hard that he flinched when her fingers closed around him once again.

And now… well… Michael remembered that the nurse would usually appear around seven, which meant that he and Lisa had time for some more playing. His hands shaking slightly, he pushed her t-shirt up just as his kisses started moving down. Her uneven breath, the way her chest would rise and fall rapidly were the biggest turn on.

She arched her back, as if looking for more contact, and her hands came to rest over his head, lovingly. Glancing up, Michael saw her sparkling blue eyes staring down at him. Her lips parted and red, she was so beautiful he almost felt like crying.

“Mike…”

“Mh…” His lips reached her belly, the tip of his tongue circled her navel and Lisa gasped.

“What if they come in…”

“Nobody will come in. Not for now…” Another open kiss as he pushed her t-shirt all the way up and she took it off. Talk about mixed signals. The sight of her naked breasts almost made him lose it there and then. “We still have time…”

She seemed to be satisfied with his answer and pulled at his t-shirt, and it was now his turn to take it off. Carelessly, Michael threw the useless piece of clothing at the foot of the bed and bent forward, cupping her breast with one hand, his lips finding her nipple. Lisa moaned and held onto his shoulders as he closed his eyes, getting lost in the moment, the feeling of her heat against his tongue, the scent of her skin. Her taste. Intoxicating and familiar.

“I want you so damn much…” He bit down gently, and her long sigh was the biggest reward. “I’m gonna burst, girl…”

His tongue followed a route up to her neck and Lisa framed his face, bringing his lips to her, kissing him wildly, purring in his mouth. The moment his torso came to rest over hers, the skin on skin contact made him shiver. Michael did not remember the last time he had felt this way.

“Oh, no… Wait…” She pushed him back slightly until he lay down on his back, looking up at her in the orange light of the dawn. Lisa knelt in between his legs and her hands traced his chest, then moved down and she touched him again ever so slightly, with the back of her fingers. Michael almost jumped out of his skin.

“You look in pain, Mike…”

The only thing he could do was swallow. He was in pain, alright.

Slowly, she traced the elastic band of his pants. She looked as if she was in some kind of trance, face flustered, hair tousled falling over her shoulders. He wanted her to touch him. And needed to touch her so bad. Sitting up, Michael grabbed her by the back of her neck and kissed her again, deeply, thoroughly, as he took her hand and pushed it inside his jammies. Lisa moaned in his mouth and mirrored his actions, interlacing her fingers with his, guiding his free hand over her abs, then down, beyond the barrier of her baggy pants, inside her panties.

“Oh, fuck…” He whispered against her lips before kissing her again. He was in complete overload: the feeling of her hand around his steel, the feeling of her scorching hot wetness against his fingers. His head started to spin and he leaned back, as their movements continued. Whatever they were doing, it was way too late to stop.

“Oh, God… Oh…” Her warm breath caressed his ear and then he felt her teeth graze his neck. “Mike… touch me… Oh, shit… I need you to… Please…”

She was almost incoherent, but he understood and as she parted her legs slightly, his fingers entered just as her grip on him tightened and her stroking motions intensified. Lisa’s eyes snapped open and she found his, dark and shiny.

“I missed you…”

This was as close as a love declaration Michael had gotten since their crazy night had started. But it was OK. He understood the undertone of the countless “I want you” and “I need you” they had been sharing for hours. As usual… Love hadn’t really vacated the premises.

“I missed you too… so much…” He bit his lip. “Shit, baby… You’re gon’ make me come…”

OK. This was a bit embarrassing, because he was serious. He had always taken so much pride in his ability to pleasure her again and again, before finally letting himself go. But this was too much, and his iron self-control was starting to malfunction. He realized that holding himself at bay was becoming increasingly difficult by the second and winched. It was too much. Being inside of her, somehow, after so much time spent apart was ripping him to shreds. His body remembered the feeling of being buried deep in her body and his soul called out to her. A heady, unstoppable mixture.

Lisa seemed to sense it – or simply remembered the way he reacted to her administrations – and before he knew what was what, she scooted down on the bed, pulling his pants down a bit, holding him at the base, her mouth engulfing him, taking him completely by surprise.

“Holy shit…” He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, then opened them again and kept them fixed on her. On the expression of rapture, of absolute abandon painted on her face. He traced her cheek and pushed her long hair back as he stood perfectly still, knowing well that she knew exactly what to do. Gritting his teeth, he felt the hurricane approaching. “Lise… Careful… I’m…”

She reached around and grabbed his ass, holding him in place, and Michael felt his face go up in flames. It had been so long. Her eyes opening and glancing up again, her winking at him in that sexy way that always got him going were the last push. He came so hard that his head about hurt, as he tried as best as he could to stay quiet, while Lisa didn’t let up and held him, took him, cherished every second of it.

Afterward, her gentle kisses and licks didn’t do much to tame his desire. Helplessly, he watched her as she came up again and then he framed her face with both hands, taking in her smile, kissing her again. He wanted to reciprocate the treatment so bad, and really, he was about to – but Lisa had different plans. Grabbing his hand again, he guided it back where she needed it. Sitting astride him, her hips swaying against his fingers as if he was fucking her, she took her pleasure and he allowed her to do anything she needed to embrace this moment.

When she came, it was beyond intense. His prime view allowed Michael to see her face showing that incredible mixture of abandon, passion, arousal, longing and desire. Pleasure personified. Her soft whimpers were accompanied by his name. On her lips, again and again, as he sat up and she held onto his shoulders, granting him the spectacle of the complete annihilation of any defense. Not telling her that he loved her, at that very moment, was the most challenging thing ever for him.

When the waves of pleasure finally subsided, she weakly fell against him, kissing his neck, his jawbone and ear, as Michael leaned back against the pillows, bringing her with him, holding her on top of him. He grabbed the sheet and covered her naked back with it for good measure. They just stayed there for minutes, their breathing uneven, kissing and snuggling, cherishing the moment.

“Isn’t this better than sleeping alone?”

“Yeah…” He had to smile. “I mean, I never would have imagined…”

“What? That you were gonna get a blowjob in your hospital bed?”

Michael laughed.

“You’re always so suave. But yeah. I’m a lucky guy.”

It was, obviously so much more than that. It wasn’t about the sex. Only about the woman.

Lisa kept kissing him, then rested her head against his chest and he took a deep breath. Silence. But of the peaceful kind.

“I love listening to your heartbeat…” She swallowed. “I thought I would never do it again.”

The only thing he could do was rake his fingers through her long, silky hair.

“Hey… I hope they don’t have surveillance cameras in here…”

Lisa pinched his side, making him yelp.

“Don’t even joke about that.”

“Lise – come on. I don’t think they do.”

“Well… if you’re wrong, I hope the show was good.”

Michael tipped her chin up and gazed into her eyes.

“Award-worthy.”

Then he kissed her again.

Day Seven

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Paris?”

“Are you still sick?”

Good question. He felt as if he was swinging between complete healing and a well-known abyss. But his daughter deserved better than that. And she didn’t need to know about his fears.

“No, baby. I’m good.”

“So you are not going to leave us again, are you?”

“No, I am not.” Michael took the stuffed toy from Paris’ hands and used it to bop her nose. “But maybe we’ll move someplace else. I’m thinking about it, you know.”

“To London, daddy? Is that where we’re supposed to go, right?”

Yeah, that was where they were supposed to go. Before he almost died on everyone and pulled the biggest show ever. But now things were different. He was going to make sure they were different.

It was evening and he was in his bedroom, Paris snuggled close to him, Prince at the foot of the bed, playing videogames, Blanket… Well, Blanket too was nestled close to his dad, on the other side of the huge bed, his eyelids heavy and barely open. Michael knew the kid was beyond exhausted, and yet it was obvious he was doing his best not to fall asleep. Possibly because he didn’t want to lose sight of his father. That father that had almost been snatched away from him.

Michael’s youngest son hadn’t spoken a lot, since they had all gone back home. But he had been attached to Michael’s hip non-stop. And now he had put his thumb into his mouth – something he had stopped doing quite some time earlier. A self-comforting gesture that had returned full force. Michael couldn’t blame him: he knew the child had been terrified by the events of the past week. And that he would need some time to recover emotionally.

It didn’t matter how much adults tried to soften the blows: children were way more perceptive than grown-ups gave them credit for, and Michael had a feeling his three had a pretty good idea of how severe what had happened to him was. That was why, now, they would never leave his side.

After spending the night with Lisa, kissing and cuddling and trying very hard not to make love, he had taken a long shower as she, too, did her best to make herself presentable again. They hadn’t spoken much about what had transpired: the light of day seemed to have hidden everything away once more. Not that it mattered, at that moment: there were many things they had to take care of, stuff they had to deal with, regardless of the outcome. Michael knew, Lisa knew.

Later that morning, he had left the room to undergo a last check-up and assessment, to make sure he was healthy, before going home. Barry Barry had given Michael instructions regarding his follow-up care and had stuffed him with lots and lots of documentation Michael was afraid he would never read. But anyway… The moment he had opened the door to his room again, he already knew that Lisa was gone.

And she was.

However, she had left a note for him on the chessboard. She had neatly folded the small piece of paper and placed it under a particular piece: the King. Because somehow, maybe, that was how she still saw Michael. That was who he always was to her.

Not many words. Still so meaningful.

You seemed way more relaxed this morning.
Glad I could help.
Please take care of yourself.
Love, always
L.

Setting his jaw and inhaling a deep breath, Michael had carefully put the note in the small pocket of his jacket, then had left the hospital.

He was supposed to take it easy, once back home, and knew Doctor Barry was right. He seemed a competent physician who was not too swayed by Michael’s fame and had revolutionized his prescriptions after meeting some specialists. Barry didn’t like the therapy Michael had been subjected to – too messy, he had called it – and had opted for another route of treatment. More than anything else, he had told Michael that he needed to create a safe environment around himself, because his anxiety had mainly to do with external factors. As if Michael didn’t know.

At first, Michael had just stared at the doctor with an unimpressed look on his face. However, later that day his words had mixed with Lisa’s, and with the remembrance of the sheer terror, and the absolute anguish he had seen painted on her face when she had been afraid to lose him. And he had realized that he, too, was scared to lose himself once again.

So, after going home and taking another long, soothing shower, he had summoned what he called “the people in charge” of his current business deal. His tour. Of course, they had been more than compliant: they had to take care of the goose shitting gold, after all. And despite having always thought that they had the upper hand, this time Michael felt sharp-minded and strong enough to put his bet on the table. Raising the stakes, bluffing, as if he was playing poker. Because this business deal suddenly had become way less anxiety-inducing than the idea of leaving his kids, his family, the people he loved forever.

He had a feeling those people weren’t really expecting him to try to dictate the rules. After all, he had been relatively compliant before his accident. Going through the motions, maybe. But not anymore. If there was something that had the power to shock a man back to life, it was the fear of losing everything he cared about.

And so Michael laid down the law: he was willing to do all his shows, and they would be a success, but he was not going to risk his life again because of that. If they wanted him, they had to respect the fact that he needed to get better first and they had to ease up on him big time. He knew what to do and they were not his masters, or teachers. Of course, there was no way in hell he would be performing in July: he was still recovering and needed to keep gaining weight and get stronger.

Michael was not really worried about having to postpone the shows. His fans had been scared to death because of what had happened, and they would wait for him, he had no doubt about that. Likewise, the people in the upper echelons would have to wait, too, as he followed his new treatment.

These were his conditions. They could take it or leave it. They could decide to be successful with him, or they could go ahead and sue him.

Complete silence had followed and, for a second, Michael had thought that they would just tell them to fuck off. Only a handful of days earlier, that eventuality alone would have sent chills down his spine. Phillips especially was a cunt – albeit not to the only one. However, right now Michael was more than willing to take the risk. Those days in the hospital had been the perfect chance to stop, really stop for a while and think about what he was doing. And Lisa… She, too, was part of the equation. She had reentered his life like a Fata Morgana, apparently out of nowhere, despite him knowing well that she was never too far away from him. She had been there for him, with him, and had made him feel so… alive. So young again. So lively.

Michael was not going to let this impromptu feeling of bizarre resurrection go.

He had just stared at the men sitting across the table, from one face to the next. Cool as a cucumber. Then…

“Well… OK, MJ. If you think that will work…”

He had won.

Once out of the building and into the car, he called Lisa. When she didn’t pick up the phone, Michael was not surprised. She had two infant twins to take care of… and a husband. He wondered where she was. At Priscilla’s? At Hidden Hills?

Then he wondered if the house they once had shared still looked the same. If she had changed the furniture. If she had changed the bed. And if she hadn’t, if she and her husband slept in the same bed where she and Michael had made love countless times. He kind of hoped so. There was something about Lockwood that Michael had never liked. But in the few conversations that he and Lisa had shared, and in the moments they had spent together, he had never dared to ask.

The voicemail kicked in and he cleared his throat.

“Hey, Lise. I hope you’re fine… I am. I’m out. And I feel OK…” He paused, as memories of the night they had spent together, kissing like teenagers, flooded his senses. “I just wanted you to know that my deal has changed, and the shows will be postponed. So I can heal… and get stronger. Healthier. Take care of myself, just like you said. I hope… I hope you’re happy to hear that, and to know that you too contributed to this… more than you can imagine.”

Michael glanced outside the window, at the road. The sky was orange.

“Yeah… So… You know, I just wanted to ask… If you’re still in L.A… Since you left without waiting for me, yesterday… I just wanted to ask you if you wanna have dinner with me one of these days. Or lunch. I don’t know your schedule, you know… with the girls and that man of yours. So… you know, just let me know, OK…”

He was about to hang up when he remembered something. Something important.

“I found your note. Thank you, I still have it with me… here, in my jacket. So… just let me know about that dinner, ‘kay… Or lunch. Love, always.”

Day Eight

It was late in the morning when the flowers arrived. A composition of twenty-six beautiful, perfectly-looking sunflowers. The yellow of their petals was blinding and Michael was speechless. Twenty-six. What an odd number, considering that he and Lisa had gotten married on May 26th.

The moment he saw the flowers, there was no doubt in his mind that Lisa had been the one having them delivered to him. And that managed to ease his discomfort, since she had never called him back and he didn’t even know if she had listened to his message or not. He also had not had the guts to try to call her again, fearing her rejection. Afraid she would tell him that whatever had happened that night, at the hospital, had been nothing but a parenthesis in the book of their lives, between countless chapters where the protagonists were other people.

Attached to the bouquet of sunflowers, there was a white envelope containing a letter. As the kids played in the garden, with the dog and the security guys, Michael went upstairs and into his study and locked the door, then sat on the couch, letter in hand.

“Michael,

As you can see, I’ve become prone to writing, lately. I guess it works better than me talking. You know I always make a mess of things. And me writing this letter to you now is funny, in a way, considering that you were always the scribbleaholic between the two of us. I do miss your notes, you know?

But anyway, I have been thinking a lot in the past few days, about the past and about the present. Possibly about the future, too, which is still so obscure and scary. I was confident it wouldn’t be, when I made up my mind about certain things, a few years ago. I was wrong.

What happened to you also prompted me to take a look at some of the things that you have left here, at Hidden Hills. I have never thrown away anything, despite threatening to do it countless times: I still have some of your t-shirts, a couple of watches, and many notes that you wrote to me through the years.

As I read them again, I started thinking. What if you hadn’t survived. What if all that was left of you were notes, and they were the only thing I could cling to apart from my memories of you, of us. It was the soul-searching I had been avoiding for far too long.

It devastated me. The idea of a world that doesn’t include you, Michael, I am not sure you realize what it did to me. I wish I had told you the other night, at the hospital, but I know now I wouldn’t have been able to verbalize it. That’s why I am writing this, in the hope you will understand that you being alive is the most important thing to me. And that I hope it is the most important thing for you, too. So please, do me a favor and stay that way. Alive, that is.

What happened between the two of us, the other night, wasn’t in any way random for me. Please, do not think otherwise. I need you to understand that it was not a spur of the moment kind of thing. I was mindful and present in each and every moment, every kiss, every touch. It does not matter what will happen next, I wanted to leave you with something better than a lie. And I am sure you know very well what lie I am referring to.

I wish I had the courage to tell you the truth, back then, and that I wasn’t so scared. I wish I was as brave as you are, or at the very least that I will be from now on. I still don’t have an answer to that. But more than anything, I wish you will forgive me for hiding my feelings from you, for hurting you and myself, in the process. Hurting us. Believe it or not, I have never meant any harm. I just didn’t know what else I could do, or if it could ever work again between us.

So whatever happens from now on, at the very least now you know where I’m coming from.

Nothing is random or trivial, Michael. Everything happens for a reason, even when it’s inscrutable to us. I need to have faith in this, and I should have had more faith in us.

I will always love you.
Eternally.

L.”

The letter took the wind out of his sails and he was glad he was still sitting on the couch, because he was not sure his legs would be able to carry him, at the moment. His fingertips skimmed over the piece of paper, feeling the lines and curves of Lisa’s familiar handwriting, remembering it and cherishing an emotion that tasted both like novelty and predestination. It was odd, but the moment he had opened the envelope, her scent had surrounded him, an invisible presence tickling his senses and, once again, his neuronal centers. He remembered. He remembered everything he had tried so hard to forget in the past few years. He guessed the soul-searching was hitting him hard, too.

And her words… they had created a hole in his soul, and it had her shape. Michael took a deep breath, held it, then released it. Lisa had mentioned Hidden Hills. The first thing that came into his mind was to just drive over there – no more phone calls. He needed to see her, he had to see her face, her eyes.

He would not allow any more pesky barriers between the two of them, when something so important was concerned. He had let that happen once, right after the trial, when she had pulled the indifferent card. He had called her, instead of meeting her in person, and had allowed her to take shelter and lie to him. He still thought he would not have happened, had they been face to face.

And he was not going to let it happen now, because they had wasted so much time already, and for the first time in his life he seriously was starting to realize how precious and fleeting time was. Michael did understand Lisa’s need to reflect upon what had happened, but at the same time he was going to do his best to avoid any more stalling. Their long, intense, on and off relationship had been broken in thousands of tiny pieces because of that. Like a filmstrip cut-cut-cut in hundreds and hundreds of tiny bits when it should and could have been a never-ending string of moments and an endless stream of consciousness.

And so he did go to Hidden Hills, ready to face Lisa’s husband or anyone else on his path. But not prepared to find what he found: an empty, deserted mansion. The windows were closed and no staff was around. If Lisa and her family had been there at one point, they were gone.

The only thing left to do was to drive over to Priscilla’s. Michael had hoped he wouldn’t have to resort to that, but what else could he do? There were only two places where Lisa stayed, when she wasn’t in England, and Cilla’s was the only one left.

Leaving his security detail in the car, he got cleared at the front gates and, quite uncharacteristically, found Priscilla waiting for him at the door of her mansion. As usual, she looked well preserved. The cold, remote blue eyes stared at him, scanning him from head to toe. The woman was still the cyborg he remembered her to be.

“Michael…” Priscilla tipped her head in his direction.

“Hello, Priscilla. I am sorry to pop up like this – I should have called first.”

“Yes, you should have. How are you?” Her eyes narrowed. “You look… fine, I guess. I’m glad you seem to feel better. You scared the whole world with that stunt you pulled.”

He grinned, without any joy.

“I know. It wasn’t my intention. But anyway… Yes, I am better. Thank you. You too look good.”

“Thanks. What can I do for you?”

Her body language was clear. She was not going to let him step into her house. Well… OK.

“I am looking for Lisa Marie.”

“Of course you are…” Priscilla tilted her head. “Haven’t you two spent enough quality time together, in the past few days?”

Oh, Michael was willing to bet that she had no idea of the quality of the time he and Lisa had shared. But he was not going to rub it in her face. The time of immaturity had long passed.

“We did spend a bit of time together, yes. But I haven’t heard from her in a couple of days, and I’d like to talk to her. She’s not at Hidden Hills. So I thought she could be here.”

“Well, you were wrong. Lisa – and her husband and kids, aren’t here. They came to visit earlier this morning, and then they left.”

They had left? What did she mean?

“Where? I mean…” He cleared his throat. “Do you happen to know where I can find her?”

“Why don’t you call her and ask her?”

“I need to see her in person.” His tone was still soft, calm, but unrelenting.

Priscilla sighed, her already thin patience obviously stretched almost to the breaking point. She had never liked Michael. Not in general, and especially not with her daughter. And knowing that he and Lisa had somehow reconnected didn’t sit well with her. He saw it in her eyes and read it in her demeanor.

“What is going on? They are a family, Michael. She and her husband just had their twins. I don’t see why you should be concerned about their whereabouts. If anything, I wonder why you’re not home… taking care of your own kids… and yourself. You clearly need more time to recover completely.”

Was she insulting him? Michael was not sure. His mind was going a mile a minute, evaluating all the possible places where Lisa could be. He didn’t have the time or willpower to read between the lines of his ex-mother-in-law’s words. Not that there was much between the lines to read: she was as clear as a bell. Besides, Priscilla’s subtle jabs pretty much breezed over him.

Yes, on a conscious level, he knew that she was right: Lisa was married, had two babies to take care of and had not really expressed any desire to leave her husband, at least theoretically. However, she had clung to Michael’s body with a passion and longing that didn’t translate into some sort of one-night-stand. And she had also confirmed that what had happened the last night at the hospital had not been random. Her letter was clear and cryptic at the same time, and Michael needed to see her face to face. Husband or not. Priscilla or not.

“Look, the only thing I want to do is talk to her. I ain’t trying to steal her… or anything.”

Not entirely correct. He wanted to do so much more than talk to her, if only he had the chance to. But stealing her? No. If anything was going happen between him and Lisa, if anything was going to be resurrected, it had to be her decision. Just like opening his heart to her again had been his. And if she wanted to go… well, Michael would respect that. Or at least he would try to.

“Well, I am sorry. I cannot help you with that. Lisa has a phone, knows where you live, and I’m sure she will get in touch with you if she wants to. Although I hope she doesn’t.” Priscilla clasped her hands in front of her body. “Don’t get me wrong, Michael, I do wish you well. But I like the place where my daughter is now. And I hope that won’t change.”

“I understand. However, it’s her call, not yours.” Michael nodded his head. “Thanks for your time, Priscilla. Have a nice day.”

Turning, he started walking back to his car. Brother Amir was waiting for him near the SUV, his face a calm mask. Michael was just as collected. He pulled out his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and called Lisa. Of course, she did not pick up and the call went to voicemail right away.

Fair enough.

“Lisa… babe. I just talked to your mother. Don’t freak out – we’re both still alive. It was civil. Kinda. The point is that I can’t find you… but you know that, don’t you…” He smiled a tiny, sad smile. “I also got your flowers. They’re beautiful. And your letter… And I just wanted you to know, my offer about that dinner, or lunch, is still valid.”

He stopped a few feet away from the car, to have just one more moment of privacy.

“I am waiting for you, baby. Come to me.”

Day Nine

At one point, Michael became convinced that she was gone. He had waited for her for the whole day, but she had not come, had not called, had not gotten in touch with him in any way. He didn’t really know what to think and felt deflated. A strange sadness breezed over him and took him prisoner – but it was different from the past. Where once had been desperation and fury, now only a quiet longing and defeat were left.

He spent the day at home, with the kids. He managed to rest and even ate something with them at lunch. His children were the only source of solace, and Michael did his best to focus on them, trying to be one step ahead and planning his next moves. Which concerned mainly his tour, but also Lisa.

If she had indeed gone back to England already, there wasn’t much he could do from Los Angeles. His new business deal established that he could wait up until October before moving to London, to have all the time he needed to get back into his optimal shape. Until then, the only thing he was supposed to do was take care of himself. And he planned to do just that, one step at a time. Once in London, and once fully healthy again, both outside and inside, Michael would deal with Lisa. She wanted time? Fine. He would give her some time. But not too much. No more of that shit.

Later that evening, he stayed in the kids’ room up until around ten, watching a movie and waiting for them to fall asleep with the certainty that their dad was there and was alright. Michael wasn’t tired and wasn’t even hungry, so once he was sure the children were all out like a light, he decided to just chill for a bit in a secluded spot in the backyard, enjoying some wine as he sat down in one of the deck chairs, near the pool. It was a warm July night and he could hear the cicadas chirping in the darkness. He was alone, but his solitude now held a different quality compared to the desperate, dark loneliness he had experienced right before his accident. This was purposeful and it was another way to heal. And in Michael’s mind, it was not a loneliness meant to last too long, anyway.

As he stared at the clear blue water in the pool, he felt Lisa’s presence behind his back even before his eyes could intercept her, and smiled, bringing the glass to his lips, taking a sip. Her warm hand came to rest on his shoulder and an unspeakable sense of relief pacified his soul.

“Hey…” Her voice was soft.

Swallowing, his heart bursting in his chest, Michael reached up and covered her hand with his own, then turned his head ever so slightly, kissing her palm. She stroked his cheek just like she had done hundreds of times before.

“Hi, Lise…”

She walked around the deck chair and finally appeared in his field of vision. So beautiful, both a chimera and a human being. A trick of eyesight and the most real human being he had seen in quite some time. She held a paper bag in her hand and wore a flowery summer dress that made her appear about as young as she had been when he had first met her again.

Lisa sat on his legs, sideways.

“So… about that dinner…”

“Yeah… about that… I thought you would never show up.”

Their eyes locked, and Michael tried his best to ignore the feeling of her perfect, toned legs against his own. Was he dreaming?

“Well, here I am. Did you eat something tonight?”

“No, I was just having a drink…” He raised his glass and took another sip, then placed the glass on the small round table near the deckchair. “Want some wine, too?”

“Maybe later…” She opened the paper bag and extracted two huge sandwiches. “What about these, first? Avocado, eggs, salad, tomatoes, hummus. High-protein and healthy – perfect for you. You gotta keep your energy up.”

Michael grinned and unwrapped the sandwich. It looked amazing, and that hunger that had been nowhere to be found all day came back with a vengeance. His stomach rumbled and Lisa smiled, then took a bite of her sandwich, still staring at him with her sultry, playful, mysterious eyes.

“Oh, really? What, you taking care of me now?” He was only half-joking, but his willingness to put his pride aside could only go so far.

Lisa didn’t break eye contact as she kept chewing slowly.

“Would you let me do that? Would you want me to, Michael?”

God, did he want her to take care of him like she once had done? With all his heart and soul. He was so tired of missing her.

“…Very much so.”

Her eyes closed for a second, as if she was savoring his answer which, no doubt, had caught her by surprise.

“Then eat…”

Glancing down at the food in his hands, he realized that he was starving, in so many different ways. They ate their sandwiches in silence for some minutes, just savoring the peace, and enjoying the novelty of their newly-found connection. Michael wolfed down the food while Lisa kept studying him with those eyes that had taken a weird, fascinating hue between blue and green. The sea and the land. Such contrasting concepts. So complementary and inextricable.

Then, as if she could no longer wait, she put her sandwich down and gently removed his from his hands, placing it on the table, near the wine. Her sinuous body shifted in a movement that looked almost liquid, turning, coming to sit astride him. Michael just watched her claim him like she could have done years earlier – and for the first time, their past mistakes stopped being of any importance.

Lisa rested her hands on his shoulders and leaned over, her forehead almost touching his.

“I’m sorry… It’s just been so long… And I really… really…” Her lips skimmed over his. “…Can’t wait anymore.”

He couldn’t either.

The kiss came naturally. Michael wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, her breasts against his torso, her scent flooding him, together with the intense arousal that always accompanied that moment when everything began, when the wheel started spinning in the right direction again. Their kisses became hotter and more passionate almost immediately, their breathing affected just like it had been a few nights earlier, at the hospital. Only, this was different, and this time nothing was going to stop them.

Lisa’s fingers undid the buttons of his shirt and found his quickly heating skin while his strong, warm hand ran up her thighs, under her summer dress, toward the center of her heat. Panting, Lisa spoke against his lips.

“I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you… I told you.”

Michael swallowed and backed off just enough to find her eyes. Nothing but pained honesty there.

“Then stay. Then… don’t ever leave again.”

Her hands framed his face and she was kissing him again. It was intense and it was all they needed. At one point Lisa moved, as if she wanted to stand up, likely to take him inside the house.

Michael stopped her and brought her back down and into his lap. They were safe where they were. He needed her now, and needed her there. She understood.

As they kissed again, she undid his belt and unzipped and unbuttoned his pants, her hand sinking into his briefs, finding him, holding him. His hips pushed up the moment her grasp closed around him and a moan escaped his lips. There was a quiet urgency in what they were doing. Time took a knee. Caressing her center through the thin fabric of her underwear, forcing her to undulate against his touch, Michael moved her panties to a side just as she lifted her body and guided him inside. His eyes wide open, he watched her as she took him home, her teeth biting down on her bottom lip in concentration, the expression on her face a perfect conglomerate of intensity and barely kept at bay pleasure.

“Lise… fuck…” Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, he realized how tight and scorching hot she was. And that she was struggling a bit. Well… he wanted her to the point of combustion, but she could take all the time in the world. As long as she was with him. As long as they could hold onto each other.

“Wait… Just…” She let out a breathless smile and kissed him again. “This is my first time since, you know… since the birth of the twins…”

Wait, what? Michael blinked and bit his tongue, deciding that staying put was probably the best option for now. He wanted to know more – wanted to know why she hadn’t had sex with her husband – but this was not the right moment. This moment belonged to him and Lisa only, and no intrusion would be allowed.

Slowly, he pulled the top of her dress down, elated to discover that she wasn’t wearing a bra. He knew how to help her out. Half inside of her, moving his hips ever so slightly, making her sigh and whimper, he fondled her breasts and sat up, his mouth closing on her nipple. Her back arched, and his hand disappeared under the fabric once again, finding her liquid heat, caressing her, helping her relax. This time, the moan she let out was louder and Michael prayed his security detail wouldn’t pop up to make sure he was OK. God, he was more than fine. He was perfect.

“Relax, baby… Open up… Let me all the way in…” His tongue touched the swell of her breasts. “Let it feel good…”

“Mike… Oh, baby…”

Throwing her head back, Lisa sat on him fully. The sigh she let out was of complete, utter abandon and Michael only had the time to realize that this felt like being hooked to an electric socket before she started moving. He sunk into her deeper and she was everywhere. She was everything. Her arms around his neck, one hand in his hair, her nails scraping the back of his neck, her erratic breathing against his ear, she was temptation and reward personified.

“Oh, God…” She kissed his neck and bit down gently as her motions intensified, as he held her by the hips and they resumed their familiar dance without missing a beat. “I missed this… I’ve missed you so damn much… All of you…”

Michael stared at her exposed, perfect breasts and kissed, sucked them again, biting down gently, making her jerk against his body and arch back once again, changing the angle of the penetration, forcing a groan out of him.

“I love you, baby. I’ve loved you all along, I’ve never stopped… You gotta know this, girl. You gotta remember this, always.”

Glancing up at her, he noticed how difficult it was for her not to cry. Her eyes were shiny and wide open, one hand still holding onto his neck, the other fisting the fabric of his shirt. Her body ablaze.

“Michael… Mike…”

“Yeah…”

“Don’t stop…”

“I ain’t stopping…”

Grabbing her ass he sat up fully and leaned forward, taking away her power to control their dance, lifting her body slightly so to have more space to move inside of her. And he took her, with all the pent-up, repressed passion he had pretended to forget for the past handful of years.

Day Ten

As the night went back to sleep and the break of dawn took its place, Michael stared down at Lisa as, once again, surged into her with slow, dragged strokes.

Her hands were on his chest, not pushing, just resting there in a firm grasp. Her head sunk in the pillow, her eyes misted over and focused on his face, she bit her lips just as his hips swiveled against her. She cradled him between her firm, sinewy thighs and met his thrusts.

“God… You feel so damn…” Her eyes rolled back. “….good.”

She had almost completely lost her voice and what was left of it was a raspy tone that only managed to heighten his desire for her.

They had spoken, in between their lovemaking sessions. She had told him that she had spent the past couple of days arranging “things.” When Michael had asked her what she meant by that, she had just shrugged her shoulders.

“I just needed to have everything sorted out before coming back to you. Where I belong,” she had replied eventually.

“What about him?”

Of course, he was referring to her husband. Lisa had shaken her head.

“It’s over.”

Nothing else needed to be said about the matter. She had asked Michael if he would be ready to help her take care of the twins, and he had just smiled, his heart opening. The mixture of feelings he had experienced when she had given birth to the babies – genuine happiness for her, but also regret and sadness – had turned into a calm serenity. Yes, he and Lisa had made a mess of things in the past, and their timing had sucked more than once. At different times in their relationship, they both had felt like a character in Waiting for Godot. It had been frustrating and enraging and had only managed to fuel their discouragement, to undermine their trust in one another. It had also caused them to waste precious years.

But not anymore. There had to be a sliding door to make things better, and they had found it.

Michael closed his fist in Lisa’s hair and pulled her head back gently, kissing her beautiful neck, loving the way she clenched around him and her legs locked around his hips, holding him inside. He felt the storm of fire approaching – from his chest, down to his belly, straight into his groin. Doing his very best to hold up just a little bit longer, he started moving into her with powerful, rhythmic strokes, her breathless moans and whimpers pushing him toward the point of non-return. Making love like this was so different from whatever sexual experience he had had in the past few years. This was predestined and all he had ever wanted. In a way, things still were just like they had been so many years earlier. Albeit tattered and bruised, the essence of who they were together was still intact.

Without any warning, too focused on the kaleidoscope of feelings and sensations flooding his body and his mind, Michael saw her freeze for a moment. Then she spasmed violently, climaxing so hard that her whole body seemed to melt around him.

Lisa grabbed his head.

“God, I love you. I love you so fucking much.”

Then she kissed him deeply, her tongue invading his mouth. More liquid fire spread through him.

There was nothing else he could do to hold back. Letting out a moan that sounded more like a growl, Michael intensified his movements, taking her hard, claiming all of her just like she had claimed all of him hours earlier, loving how her lithe body clung to his bigger, stronger one. Her breathless moans in his ear, her words whispered, he started to come and all the while he continued to heal.

Hours later, he woke up replenished and reinvigorated. His body felt a bit stiff, but it was the best kind of soreness he had experienced in a very long time, as if ten years had slipped away from him just like that. Lisa was sitting at the foot of the bed, still naked, hair tousled, half-wrapped in the white sheet. Looking like a dream come true – which she was. And observing him with the softest look in her eyes. She, too, looked exhausted in just the right way.

“Hey…” Michael ran his palms over his face and sat up, squinting against the morning light flooding the bedroom. “How long you been watching me?”

“Long enough…”

“Uh-uhm…” He smiled. “Why?”

“What, am I not allowed to watch my man sleep?”

The lopsided grin and the mischievous look in her eyes did something to him and his heart gave a squeeze. Her man. It just sounded so… right.

“Your man, uhm…”

“Well… You marked me yours.” She tilted her head in the direction of some quite visible hickeys and love bites over her collarbone and thighs. Oh yeah. “So I guess you gotta keep me now. And I gotta keep you.”

Something stirred in Michael’s southern region and his grin got bigger. He sure had marked her his in all the right ways. Making love to her all night long, as if they were still that young couple they once had been. It made all the sense in the world.

“I marked you mine a long, long time ago…”

Lisa laughed.

“Glad to see your self-confidence is back.” She tilted her head. “It’s true, though. You are where I belong.”

“So you ain’t leaving?”

“Nope. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. And you are too.”

“So… what you said last night… it wasn’t just some sex-induced insanity.”

“Insanity was us divorcing, Michael.”

She was serious, now. Michael’s gaze dropped and he stared at his own hands in his lap. His eyes roamed all over the crumpled sheets. Such a small detail, yet so meaningful.

“That’s true…”

“But still… a part of me always thought we would have another chance, one day. No matter what, you know? Until I got face to face with the possibility of you being gone forever. So maybe… you know, maybe me watching over you as you sleep is also my way to heal.”

He held out his hand to her and she took it.

“Come here… I wanna touch you. Hold you.”

Blinking and smiling, as if the reality of him doing that was still somehow foreign to her, Lisa complied. On her knees, she moved closer and Michael pulled her against his body, leaning back against the pillows. Loving the feeling of her weight half on top of him.

Lisa snuggled against him and kissed his chest, again and again, her hand caressing his naked skin.

“That night at the hospital… The moment you kissed me, a part of me feared it would be the last time. Michael…” She lifted her head and stared at him, her hand coming to rest on his stubbly cheek. “I didn’t want it to be the last time. I was not ready for that to be the last time I saw you, kissed you… loved you. I don’t wanna imagine myself in ten years from now, in a world you’re not part of anymore. In a world that has to mourn your absence. In a world where I have to mourn your loss.”

Her words brought it home. Shaking his head, he found her mouth and communicated, in one kiss, everything that was still unsaid between them. It was a promise and an oath that she reciprocated just as passionately. It was the future they had thought they would not have. Well… No. No – they deserved this. And they would take back what was theirs by right.

Sniffling, he broke the kiss and narrowed his eyes.

“OK… What now? I have a bit of time before my shows begin. What are we gonna do?”

“Are you asking me?”

She looked a bit surprised. And pleased.

“Yeah. We’re together, right? Let’s decide together. No more one-man shows.”

“Wow…” She smiled up at him and kissed him again. “Well… OK. You know I have a mansion in England, right?”

“Yes…”

“It can be our home. Come with me. Let’s leave this place, Mike. It’s toxic. This place… it’s gonna eat us both alive. I told you fifteen years ago, and I’m telling you now.”

“You want to move to England…”

“Yeah. With you and our kids. Away from here. I wanna go away with you… I’ve been wanting that for the longest time. You know it.”

Away with you.

If at first her idea had seemed far-fetched, the look in her eyes and the committed tone in her voice worked like a charm. The concept, initially evanescent like a ghost, took shape, became real almost to the point that Michael felt he could physically touch it. Leave it all behind – the danger and the pressure, the venom and the snakes. Take shelter. Survive. Live.

“When? When do you wanna leave, Lise?”

Something in his tone told her that he was more than considering her words. Lisa sat up, but kept her hand on his chest, right over his heart.

“Today. Let’s pack our shit and leave. Right now. Whatever we gotta go, we can do it from England. And be safe.”

Was it a challenge? A light smile appeared on his lips and slowly, Michael too sat up on the bed. The mere notion of safety had been so alien to him for such a long time. Besides… he loved England. And he loved Lisa. And the family they now had the chance to build. Together.

“Are you sure, Lise? Is that what you really wanna do? Be with me?”

“Yes. God, yes. I do love you, you know… so much.” This time her eyes misted over and she shook her head. “I just want us.”

Michael grabbed her face and kissed her passionately, then jumped off the bed.

“Hey!”

“What, you want us to get ready or not?”

“Of course, but you’re naked, Michael.”

“Ah – Yeah, I know. ‘Cause I’m gonna take a shower. You know, that thing you do with your clothes off. And then we’ll get everyone and everything ready. Our kids, and the plane.”

Lisa exhaled a long, cleansing sigh of relief and slowly rose from the bed, bringing the sheets with her.

“So we’re really leaving, huh…”

“We’re really leaving. Today. The great adventure begins.”

Looking down, she smiled as if she had just found the most precious treasure at the end of the rainbow. It was this living, warm, breathing being standing right in front of her. And the right sliding door, just in the nick of time.

“Amazing. Now, it just occurred to me…” She stepped closer to him and let go of the sheet still covering her body. “That there’s something else we can do with our clothes off… while we’re taking a shower.”

He reached out, taking her hand and bringing up to his lips. His eyes, so very dark, turned smoldering.

“I like the way you think, baby.”

“You do?”

“Oh yeah… Multitasking… No more wasted time… Hope, a future and all that jazz…”

Lisa smiled.

“Yeah… I like it too. Lead the way, Michael.”

“For real?”

“For real.”

End.

Soundtrack