Sunflowers and Roses

She blinked before fully opening her eyes. Then she squinted against the sun, afraid it would blind her. But that wasn’t what was happening, really – quite the opposite. The sun was a golden globe perched up in the bluest sky, its glow warm but never sweltering. Just a gentle eye illuminating everything from afar. Full of brilliance.

Full of peace.

She had no idea how long she had slept. It felt like a very long time, but also just a couple of seconds. The sensation was weird, and she sat up, feeling – once again – like herself and not like herself at once. Vibrations reverberating in every single cell of her body, she realized she had been lying in a field. Under the palm of her hands she perceived the moist, fresh sensation of the grass, and when she glanced down she also noticed its color. It was greener than she could remember.

Then her gaze fell on the blazing yellow surrounding her. A heap of sunflowers, their petals intense in their saffron tone, their leaves standing high and proud. Once again, green, greener, greenest. The wind lazily moved that immense, endless golden surface, making it look like it could breathe on its own.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Now that she gave it a better look, that wasn’t even a heap of sunflowers. It was a sea – an ocean that went way beyond the extent her eyes could reach. It was a sunshower.

Where the heck was she?

“Good morning, sleepy-head. ‘Bout time you woke up…”

The words seemed to reach her from behind, intertwined with the breeze, swirling into it in multitudes like music notes, like a melody, and an intense sense of comfort washed over her. She knew that voice. It was embedded in the core of who she was – in her DNA. In the stardust that her eternal spirit was made of. How strange it was, that it felt as if she hadn’t heard it in a very long time yet, simultaneously, at all time.

Then the steps came. They were muffled, almost dimmed down, but she could hear them just fine. Which was another surprising detail, because if she was right and that calm, velvety voice belonged to whom she believed it belonged, the person in question had always moved quietly, like a feline. Like a panther.

“Lisa…!”

There was now a hint of humor, a cheerfulness in that voice and she looked up, once again squinting against the daylight – shielding her eyes with her hand.

“Oh…! I’m sorry… Wait.”

Another slight movement and the dark silhouette towering above her shifted slightly, so that the sun was behind it and her sight could find some relief. Everything became clearer. Every single detail became sharp in its intensity.

Michael smiled.

“Here… Better now?”

“Yeah…” She slowly lowered her hand, blinking again, finally focusing on him. Something moved deep in her soul, in a place she had thought was lost forever, and her voice sounded like a whisper. Nothing more than a breath in the warm air of what looked like a beautiful, colored, sunny morning. “Mike…”

Michael crouched down, their faces finally at the same level. He rested his elbows on his knees. He was still smiling. It was a smile that reached his eyes, lighting them up. It was a smile that stemmed from deep inside of him and reverberated outside – she could tell.

“Hi, baby girl… I’m so glad to see you.” He paused, and his eyes sparkled. “So, so happy.”

Lisa felt something burn in her throat. She knew they were tears, and she knew they weren’t because of any physical or emotional pain. Once again that immense, intense feeling of comfort, of belonging somewhere. Of no longer drowning. Of no longer struggling. Of finally arriving.

It overwhelmed her.

Where was she? And why was he there, with her? Wasn’t he supposed to be someplace else, even though she couldn’t remember where, exactly? She could tell her rationale was sharp, yet many details and situations overlapped, creating confusion. Her clarity of mind was accompanied by a never-ending reel of moments, places, faces, coming in waves – disorienting her yet making her feel whole. Part of her felt as if she hadn’t seen him in a very long time, but in a way she knew she had never stopped being in his arms.

Far away.

So close.

Staring at Michael, she noticed how young he looked. How strong. How healthy. She thought he was older than fortyish the last time she had seen him, but maybe she was mistaken. Maybe it had been all a dream, and this was the reality. Regardless, he was gorgeous – as usual.

His cheeks were cleanly shaved, and his long sideburns framed his beautiful, angular face just perfectly. He didn’t wear his fedora, and his dark hair was loosely tied in a ponytail. Some rebellious strands of hair moved in the breeze. He didn’t even have his sunglasses on. Wearing a pair of black pants and a simple, button-down red shirt, he looked perfectly comfortable. At ease. He looked like a man who no longer felt the need to hide.

Instinctively, Lisa reached out – wanting to touch his face. To experience the feeling of the palm of her hand against his cheek. Thinking it would make all the difference in the world, yet knowing well what it felt like. After all, she had done it countless times. She knew all about that smoothness, hiding the scratchy feeling of his afternoon stubble coming through.

But the light told her that it wasn’t afternoon. Not yet. It was morning. The day was just starting, and maybe that was why he looked freshly shaved.

Michael caught her hand before she could caress his cheek – and the contact felt new and ancient at the same time. Intensely familiar, intensely soothing. His fingers moved, stroking the inner part of her wrist. Then he brought her hand up, kissing her palm.

Once again she felt like crying as they kept staring at each other, and she didn’t even know why. After all, she was OK. She wasn’t anguished, she wasn’t worried, she wasn’t scared – and the complete peace she saw in his dark eyes told her that everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be. She was safe and she felt good. Better than she thought she had felt in a very long time.

Still, time had become a challenging concept, as slippery as a jellyfish. Yesterday felt like tomorrow and a long time ago felt like a minute ago, or even the very moment she was living. Had she had the words to explain this weird conundrum in perception, she would have said that time was no longer a linear route, but a circle, where every single segment was the beginning, the middle, and the end. The alpha and the omega had become one. The end was the beginning, or maybe had stopped existing altogether. Perhaps the end had never existed at all.

She removed her hand from his light grasp and, this time, he let her. His face still looking so very calm, that slight smile on his face, he watched her inquisitively as she finally rested her palm on his cheek. Then he leaned into her touch.

Lisa’s eyelids fluttered close for a moment, then opened and stared into his.

“Hi…”

Turning his face, he kissed her hand one more time.

“Hey…”

Once again the strangest feeling reverberated in her. Michael looking at her like that, talking to her like that… It was something she knew. She had seen that look and heard that tone millions of times before. Then why did it feel so different? What had changed?

“Where are we? What is this place?”

She had to ask. She felt a bit stupid doing it, too, because she somehow guessed she was supposed to know. And maybe, deep down, she did. But it was hard to capture the exact concept as her soul filled with the entire universe. She had to make space for all this. She had to breathe it in, breathe it out.

“Home.” He rose, holding out his hand to her. “Come on, get up… Can’t you see how beautiful this field is? So full of happy flowers…”

She took his hand and he pulled her onto her feet. Lisa glanced around for a moment. The sunflowers were everywhere.

“Wow. Is this all your doing?”

He turned her in his direction and she finally met his eyes again. She couldn’t believe how close their faces were. How clearly she could experience everything. His chest rising and falling with each breath. His warm hands holding hers. The scent of his cologne. The almost imperceptible rustling noise of his shirt being moved by the wind. She could see, feel, smell, hear.

Michael laughed.

“No, silly. They were already there when I arrived. But there were fewer of them…” His eyes narrowed. “…I think. It’s like they keep growing.”

Lisa frowned, suddenly concerned. Something came to her mind like a flash, interrupting the peace gliding over her most intimate being. Once again she reached up, touching his head, his hair.

“Michael… You shouldn’t be out here like this. It’s not good for you. Where’s your umbrella? The sun…”

He just shrugged.

“Oh, I don’t need that stuff. It doesn’t hurt, Lise.” He smiled sweetly. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“…Are you sure?”

The sweet smile was still there. His eyes were all she saw. Like a galaxy in which she knew she could sink without fear of falling into the void. Suspended forever, safe in that universe he also inhabited. An eternal supernova – one with him.

“I am sure.”

She just tilted her head in return, confusion once again enveloping her. Yet it wasn’t the kind of disorientation that made her feel uneasy or uncomfortable. This wasn’t turbulence or turmoil – two emotional experiences she knew pretty well because she had faced them one so many times, even though she couldn’t recall when or how, at the moment. There was so much peace and calmness, composure almost, in all this. And even if she didn’t have the clarity she thought she was supposed to have at the moment, she was sure that it would come naturally at some point. She just needed to ease into it and didn’t think she was in a hurry to do so.

The sense of safety that protected her like a bubble also extended to her body. When Michael had taken her hand and pulled her up, for a split second she had believed her back would hurt. She was not sure why, but she was fairly certain she had to take it easy. Instead, nothing at all. Looking down at herself, she almost felt relieved at her silliness. She almost had to laugh. What had she been so concerned about? She was too young to feel pain in any part of her body. In fact, she felt and looked way more youthful than she thought. Strong, healthy. What a weird dream she must have had before waking up in that field…

“Come with me? Let’s take a walk, baby.” He squeezed her hand gently, interrupting her train of thought. “Let’s just enjoy this moment. I couldn’t wait to show you this place, you know?”

She trusted him implicitly, and so they began walking – hand in hand. On the greenest grass. In the warm air of that perfect morning, under the bluest sky. Surrounded by the yellowest sunflowers. Their soft petals touching them like a caress. Lisa smelled the sea and realized it was close, even though she could not see it yet.

“You couldn’t wait? How is that? How long have you been here, waiting for me?”

He smirked and squinted.

“Quite some time…”

“Quite some time…?”

He stared into space and chuckled.

“Yeah… But not too long.”

Lisa scoffed.

“That’s just so weird. I almost feel like I was with you up until a minute ago…”

“That’s because you were.”

Far away.

So close.

“Ah… I don’t know, Michael. Maybe I was drunk last night, ‘cause I’m not sure I remember how I ended up here.”

“But it doesn’t matter, does it?” He stopped and turned in her direction. His hands on her hips – making her feel safe. Safe and secure. “Whatever happened, you’re here now. It’s all good.”

“It’s just so odd. There’s just so much I don’t understand.”

“You will, Lise. I promise.”

She opened her mouth to speak. To ask him if there was something he was not telling her. Maybe a subtle joke she was not aware of. Then she shook her head. Just by observing him, she realized that he was completely honest. There was nothing he was keeping from her. He was not playing close to the vest. He was telling the truth – and she could feel it was the truth. All was good.

Michael seemed to sense her hesitation.

“Did you see them?”

“Who?”

This odd back and forth would have probably irritated her in different circumstances. But not today. Something had cleansed her profoundly, and whatever armor or defense she had believed she had to keep up while with Michael, at times, was no longer necessary. Why was she still on edge, then, in a way? This was like being naked in the most profound manner. In the most beautiful, liberating manner. Deprived of every stain, every scar, every fear.

“Your family.”

That gave her genuine pause and she just stood there. Her eyes looked up at the sky, hoping to find an answer there. Blue, bluer, bluest. She searched deep inside of her, and all she found was warmth. Everyone she held most dear was part of who she was, embedded into her. And she was part of them, intertwined with their beings. There was nothing but love there. Pure, undiluted, profound, immortal love. Nothing but unity. Nothing but eternity. Nothing but oneness.

Far away.

So close.

“I think I did, yeah…” She took a deep breath. “No, wait. I know I have. I was with them. Maybe before ending up here?”

Michael cocked his head.

“Or maybe you were already here.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Why do I feel like I saw you every day?”

“Because you did. I was with you. Always. It’s just different now.”

His smile again. And this time, it was his turn to reach out and touch her face. His big, warm hand cradled her cheek and Lisa knew. There was so much she didn’t fully understand or recall, and those gaps in her memory were like missing pieces of a puzzle. She could almost sense their presence in a way. But she knew she loved him. She was still quite unsure about many details, but her love for Michael wasn’t one of them. That had remained. Whatever journey had brought her here, that love had stayed with her. That light he carried.

“Michael…”

“I love you too… I’ve always loved you.”

He had read her mind. And he understood and felt just like she did. Relief washed over her. Relief and peace. Whatever war she had fought – it was finally over.

All of a sudden, all she wanted was to be in his arms again. It didn’t matter if, up until that point, he had held her in a way she couldn’t ultimately make out. He was right – all was different now. Whatever distance, physical or otherwise, had been annulled.

And so she moved. She stepped closer and finally sunk into his embrace. She finally rested her face against his chest. Felt his regular, strong heartbeat again. His chin resting on the top of her head as his arms enveloped her.

Lisa closed her eyes and smiled.

“I can feel you breathing…”

His lips touched her forehead.

“And I can feel your heartbeat…”

She looked up, their lips close. He kissed her – slowly, gently. Endlessly. All the time in the world. Then turned his head to the side and pointed at something. Lisa’s gaze followed.

“Can you see that?”

A bush of roses. Red, redder, reddest. They reminded her of the ones he would always leave for her when they traveled apart. A red rose would always be waiting for her, usually on the bed. On her pillow. Reminding her that he wanted to be with her. That he was, even when it didn’t look like it. Even when he wasn’t there.

Far away.

So close.

That fragment of memory took its place again, embedding itself in her being. Lisa knew all the others would follow and, at some point, everything would become clear.

“Yeah…”

“They too will grow, now that you’re here.”

God, how she had missed him.

She snuggled into him again and smiled, inhaling his scent. It was home. They were home. God, how she had missed him. How relieved she felt.

“Will they have time to grow?”

“Yeah. All the time in the world. And more. We’re not in a hurry. Not anymore.”

—

End.