Mister Nobody – Part 33 | The regulator’s swinging pendulum

“Be still, my heart…”

The first words that came out of Lisa’s mouth sounded hushed and careful, as if they were precious and brittle. Every time she thought Michael had destroyed every defense she had, he managed to pull her even further into the intensity of who he was. Like a Big Bang, he was both the executioner and the savior.

Marry me. Again, forever, this time.

His words echoed in her ears and she focused on his strong, regular heartbeat, so clear under her fingertips as he was still pressing her hand against his chest. His beautiful heart, beating. Such a simple thing – such a miraculous thing. Lisa didn’t think she would ever get used to that. And yet the old pain was finally dulling down, like a noise fading in the background. Michael’s presence soothed the agony that had his absence had nurtured.

She managed to grin.

“Marry you, uhm?”

His dazzling smile was the most beautiful reward.

“I can get on my knees like the first time around if you want…”

She grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles.

“No, don’t. Mike… I’d marry you again, every day, but I’m a bit reluctant to repeat things the exact same way… You know, just in case…”

He seemed to hesitate.

“So, basically… you’re telling me that you ain’t gonna marry me because you’re afraid we’re gonna crash and burn just like we did back then?”

Lisa held his hand tighter and looked at him with such bright eyes that he felt even more naked and vulnerable than he already was.

“No, I am telling you that I would, and I will marry you. Again, and forever this time…” Their fingers intertwined. “…How can you ever think I’d let you get away? You better think again…”

Michael relaxed. His entire posture changed and he reclined, lying on his back and pulling her closer, one hand covering her belly in a protective gesture. She snuggled against him, her head on his shoulder. She rested her hand on his chest, caressing his skin in soothing, rhythmical motions, and he watched the ring sparkle in the dim lit of the room. It looked so good on her finger. No… Scratch that. It looked perfect.

“Just say yes…” He spoke softly, his voice low. Then he felt her smiling.

“Yes, Michael. I’ll marry you.”

“Is this your post-orgasmic bliss speaking?”

This time she giggled.

“Nope… It’s all me.”

He smiled and kissed her head.

“OK. Good… good.”

Her soft lips mirrored his action, and she kissed his skin, over and over, then nuzzled his chest. Finally, she rested her head against him once again and sighed. They stayed quiet for a while, letting the words sink in.

“Mike?”

“Mh?”

“…How the fuck are we gonna get married? I really hate being the party-pooper here, but we have a bit of a problem in that department…”

He had to chuckle. Lisa and her cussing, blurted out in the sweetest, dreamiest voice.

“Don’t you worry about that. I have a plan. And guess what? Even Priscilla’s gonna like it.”

She gasped in feigned shock. Her mother had been stunned when they had told her about their pregnancy. Not necessarily unhappy, but… very surprised. It had taken at least three glasses of chardonnay for her to start relaxing after they broke the news at Christmas. Santa had come to town, and Priscilla felt like she had just gotten a ton of coal as a present.

“Are you serious? You gonna tell me more?”

“Not for now. I’m content with the fact that you said yes.” He held her chin in his hand and kissed her lips. “We just gonna have to take care of that dude you were so inexplicably married to…”

She pulled back and stared at him, her eyes discouraged.

“Yeah… I know. My lawyers are working on it.”

Michael’s face didn’t betray any apparent emotion.

“And I’m sure they’ll find a way.”

“So…” She bit her lips and stroked his stomach. “…Are we gonna have customized chocolate bars again?”

“Didn’t you just say that you don’t wanna repeat yourself?”

Her face now showed a bright, playful sparkle.

“I did… but those were so good, Mike…” She leaned up and framed his face with one hand, kissing him slowly, her tongue moving in his mouth in sensual strokes. “…So damn good…”

“Yeah… I remember… They tasted amazing.”

New York, July 1994

The huge apartment on Fifth Avenue had never been so crowded. As a matter of fact, it had mainly seen Michael, Lisa and the kids since he had rented it. But this was their post-wedding party and a special occasion to celebrate their new family with some friends and acquaintances. Most of them had been surprised by Michael’s and Lisa’s sudden ceremony out of the country. They didn’t know that the newlyweds had sped things up after discovering that they were expecting a baby.  The guests moved around the grand double living room, chatting the night away. Some of them had wandered over to the cherry-paneled library, admiring Michael’s impressive collection of books, and to the kitchen.

Michael reached out and took Lisa’s hand as she talked to a guy he didn’t remember having ever met.

“Excuse me… I’m going to steal my wife for a second.”

The man nodded and smiled and Lisa did too, as her husband gently dragged her away.

“Hey, what’s gotten into you? That was so rude!”

He kept his well-trained smile plastered on his face and didn’t look at her as he spoke.

“No, it wasn’t. Isn’t it ironic that I can’t spend time with you at our own post-wedding party?” He grabbed a glass of champagne from one of the catering people passing by. Then he found a quiet spot between the gallery and the foyer and turned to Lisa, handing her the glass, knowing well that she couldn’t drink but that they had to keep up appearances, not to raise any suspicions about their pregnancy. It was still so early…

Michael kept holding her hand and stared at her, his face a beautiful, serene mask except for the mischievous glint in his dark eyes. She just held the glass and never broke eye-contact as her thumb inconspicuously rubbed the back of his hand. Her Morse code didn’t go unnoticed. Whatever he had in mind, she was game.

“Ironic, but common. People crave your attention all the time, baby… you should be used to that.”

She grinned, the deliciously pungent smell of the champagne the perfect organoleptic completion of the visual beauty in front of her eyes. Michael, wearing a black military jacket, black trousers and a simple white t-shirt, looked stunning.

“Yeah, but they want your attention, too. I think they’re trying to steal my gorgeous wife… and I can’t allow that.”

She laughed, throwing her head back and a couple of guests passing by glanced at them. Michael beamed, and they reciprocated with a gracious smile. They were a seventy-something couple connected to Lisa’s business, and their amused eyes conveyed an elementary concept: been there, done that. The deliriously happy honeymoon phase. For a second, Michael wondered if he and Lisa would be that way, in forty years. The idea filled him with joy and hope.

“Smart-ass… Nobody’s gonna steal me, Michael.” Lisa was still giggling.

He turned back to her, not really registering her sarcastic remark, his mind already ten steps ahead.

“See? That’s where you’re wrong… Come with me?” He winked at her in his funny way, and she just shook her head.

“Where? The house is full of people!” Of course, she followed him, starting to guess his intentions. Despite being very private, Michael could also be quite brazen at times and when he got in one of those moods, he never cared who was around or not. He was used to getting what he wanted the moment he wanted it and, when it came to physical affection, it wasn’t any different.

“No! Not there! Are you out of your mind?” Lisa whispered and tugged at his sleeve as he headed straight to the master bedroom. He spun on his heels and stared at her, stilling suddenly, biting his lip in concentration. She stifled a chuckle, loving that goofball attitude he would pull out every now and then.

“A bit too obvious? …Yeah, maybe you’re right…” His brow furrowed and then, still holding onto her hand, he dragged her along toward the indoor elevator that connected the apartment to the garage. One of the security guys motioned to follow them, and Michael raised his hand to him. “It’s OK… We just left something in the car. We’ll be right back… Give us a few minutes.”

The tall, burly guy didn’t reply and just clasped his hands behind his back, resuming his position near the elevator. Lisa admired the complete inscrutability of his face. She was sure the man knew what was up since he had been around enough to notice that she and Michael would often “forget” something somewhere. But he had never batted an eyelid. Professionalism at its finest.

The moment the doors closed and the elevator started going down, Michael was all over her and she welcomed him with open arms. They kissed with abandon, and he immediately rested his hand on her still flat stomach, crouching and kissing her belly through the light fabric of her dress. Lisa kept her hands on his shoulders and smiled, already breathless, drunk with his frenzied kisses. Who needed champagne to feel tipsy?

He glanced up at her.

“You feel good, baby girl?”

“I’m OK… come back here…” She tugged at his jacket and he straightened up, pinning her against the elevator wall and kissing her again. Moaning against his lips, she heard the doors open and dragged him outside. They walked blindly across the garage, ricocheting left and right until Michael’s back collided with the clean and spotless black Suburban.

“We gotta be very quiet…” He whispered against her lips, all the while lifting her dress and stroking her naked thighs, her ass. In perfect sync with him, Lisa started unbuckling his belt and pulled down the zipper of his slacks.

“And quick… Or they’ll notice our absence…” She replied in a hushed voice. Her heart was fluttering and her hands were shaking, betraying her calm, comfortable demeanor. Lisa wasn’t sure if it was because they were doing something hazardous, forbidden and so unlike their public personas – well, at least Michael’s public persona – or just because her husband always had that effect on her. It just never changed. The pull, the desire, the lust never subsided. Since their very first night together at Neverland, the bar of their sexual connection had been rising non-stop.

Speaking of which…

“Oh, baby…” Lisa’s hand plunged into Michael’s boxers, freeing him. “…You’re so hard, already… Sometimes I wonder how you manage to walk around like this…”

“Yeah, me too…” His lips latched onto her neck as his hands got busy pushing her thong down her thighs. She helped him out, stepping out of the lacy string, and when he turned her around, placing her hands on the car top, she felt as pliant as a ragdoll into his arms. His hot breath was in his ear.

“Keep your hands right there, baby girl…” He kissed her neck. “…Spread those beautiful legs a little more for me… oh yeah… That’s it, Lise… Look at you…” The gentle, yet firm touch where she needed him the most told him that she was more than primed for him. Instinctively, she arched her back and pushed her ass against his engorged member. She was affected, but he was too – his body never lied.

His lips were on her neck, his free hand now teasing her breasts through the fabric of her dress and she gyrated her hips against him, finding him rock-hard and scorching hot. Lisa marveled at his ability to get at full attention quicker than she could ever imagine. Not that she complained. If, in the past, she had sometimes wondered if he was like that with every woman he had been with, now a sudden sense of peace sunk into her. They were married. He was her husband. Of all women in the world, he had chosen her. And she intended to stay with him forever.

“Come on, baby… give it to me…” She whispered, afraid the acoustics of the garage would make their little sexcapade more obvious than it already was. His pants barely lowered at his hips, his brow furrowed, Michael placed both hands on the soft globes of her backside and caressed her, then he slowly guided himself into her body. He sighed and kissed the nape of her neck.

“Shit… baby… Just watching you… Your ass is perfect… You can’t possibly know what you do to me…” His hands kept stroking her and, clenching her teeth and trying hard to stay quiet, Lisa pushed back in one, decisive motion. He groaned and she smiled, her eyes still closed.

“Hurry up, daddy…” Once again, she rotated her hips against him, and he reached end with a grunt.

“Damn… you ready, girl?”

“Oh yeah… come on…” She glanced at the elevator and realized that she didn’t care at all about being busted. She was in the moment, immersed in its absolute intensity. When Michael finally surged forward, she held onto the car tighter and let out a gasp.

“Fuck…”

One hand on her hip, the other one clasping her throat in a gentle, yet firm gesture, Michael started to move and wasn’t soft, nor slow. He was just the way she wanted him. Lisa met every single thrust, sighing and moaning, reveling in his breathless grunts and little yelps. She loved feeling his hand on her throat, holding her, keeping her in place.

“Oh, shit… that’s it, Mike… Oh God…” She whispered, realizing that she was already on the brink of insanity. His other arm reached around and in between her legs, touching her, and she jerked. She felt his hot chest against her back, his lips once again against her ear. His breath was ragged.

“There you are, baby… I can feel you’re close… come on… come for me.”

She didn’t need any encouragement. Another flick of his fingers and she shattered, biting down on the soft flesh of her own arm to muffle her cries as she writhed against him, feeling safe and secure into his arms, knowing that it didn’t matter how high she flew, he would always break her fall. Michael didn’t let up, and the moment she started to come down from her ecstatic rapture, resumed his unstoppable pounding. She felt his body tense and go rigid, invading her so completely that she thought she would just pass out. But she didn’t, every neuron was alert, ever cell vibrated in sync with him. Before she could realize what was happening, she was heading straight into the eye of the storm once again. Michael felt it, too, and she heard him let out a baritone moan that, alone, pushed her even closer to another climax.

“Oh yeah… Fucking hell, Lise… I don’t think I can hold off much longer…” He spoke in between clenched teeth and she took his hand, still holding her throat, bringing it to her mouth and sucking on his fingers.

That was what did him in and, the moment she felt him starting to throb and jerk inside of her, she came again, with him this time. It felt surreal. They were young, reckless and wild, their lovemaking was always intense, often frenzied, but at the same time so full of tenderness. The mixture was lethal. Lethal to the body, deadly to the soul. Lisa closed her eyes as his spasms finally subsided and her legs almost gave in.

His breath still erratic, Michael folded his arms around her and nestled his head on her shoulder, as she leaned back and finally melted against his body.

“Gosh, baby… I love you so fucking much…” She panted and heard him smile. His kisses on her neck, on her naked shoulder, felt like heaven. He hoped time could stop right there, right then, forever. Everything was so perfect. Nothing was out of place.

“I am so in love with you…” His voice was hoarse. 

“We should go back up…”

“Yeah… we should…”

Twenty minutes later they sat in the backseats of the Suburban, Lisa in Michael’s lap, his hands on her ass, gently stroking her, his lips on her collarbone, taking their time tasting her sweet skin. He had gotten rid of his jacket, and she was running her hands over his naked arms. She bent her head and found his lips, and they kissed, deeply and yet so very slowly, their eyes closed, the moment lingering and dragging itself into eternity. Framing her face with both hands, he kissed her some more, then smiled, pulling back just enough to be able to focus on her eyes.

“I wonder what they must be thinking… We vanished into thin air.”

Lisa let out one of her dirty grins.

“Well… probably something like… What in the mother of fuck are those two doing down there?”

Michael chuckled.

“Gosh, girl… I don’t think that’s the way they speak, you know?”

“I’m not sure about that… And guess what… Nobody would ever imagine the things you say to me while you fuck me… how foul-mouthed you can be…” She bit her lip suggestively and then leaned over, kissing his neck with slow, wet kisses. He sighed, trying hard to control his once again raging hard-on. “…They also have no idea that sinful, dirty Michael is way more interesting than your innocent veneer…”

“Not my fault… I wasn’t like that at all before meeting you.” He tried very hard to make his voice sound unaffected. Lisa giggled, her warm breath against his skin.

“If that’s what you wanna believe… OK…” She playfully bit his chin and then kissed his lips. “…Do you really care what they think?”

“Not at all…”

“I thought so…”

Michael raked his fingers through her hair and rested his head against the headrest. He watched her.

“You know what I wanna do?”

“What, baby?” She pulled back, and her blue eyes were now soft and so very loving. Despite her strong persona, Lisa was a sweetheart, and he knew it. He loved her contrasts, those lights and shadows that made her so unique, so perfect for him.

“I wish we were near the ocean… near the beach… canoodling in the backseats of an old-style convertible… watching the sunset together…”

A smile spread across her lips.

“Why don’t we do it?”

“We totally should.”

“Yeah…”

He put his hands on her waist.

“Then we will. Sooner or later, we will.”

Musselburgh, Scotland – February 2018

“I love your sailor look.”

Lisa bestowed one of her loopy smiles on him, and he snorted.

“Stop goading me…”

“Michael! I’m not!”

“Yes, you are… But you know what? I still like it when wear matching clothes…”

She stopped and pulled him closer by his sleeve. He got the hint and leaned down, kissing her lips. They indeed were wearing matching clothes – he, a black pea coat that fit him like a glove, a grey round-neck sweater, black pants, and boots; she, a pearl grey trench coat, a white turtleneck sweater, black jeans, and boots. Lisa also wore one of Michael’s black fedoras – she had kept that hat with her for almost twenty years. It had been a little lifesaver in some of her most difficult moments before he came back to her.

“I am serious. You look like the cover boy on one of those fancy magazines, baby…” She stepped back to take a good look at him, from head to toe. “…You really do… Shit, I am one lucky bitch.”

He giggled and blushed, half-flattered, half-embarrassed. But he knew that Lisa was being honest. She was never the type of scrimping on compliments, and she had always made him feel attractive, seductive, irresistible.

The blue sea behind his back, rippled by the wind coming from the north, was a stunning background for his appearance. The sun illuminating him from behind gave him an otherworldly radiance, his rebel curls ruffled by the breeze, his blinding smile, everything about him was more than her soul could tolerate. As usual, her heart took a leap and reached over to him, finding only warmth and peace. She glanced at Michael one last time before dragging him along, her free hand resting on her now pronounced belly.

They were strolling on the beach along Fisherrow, on a sunny early afternoon. A fresh, February day anticipating what was going to be a bright, clear, mild spring. One of the peculiarities that made Ròs House the perfect mansion Michael could ever choose was its close proximity to the sea. They could walk to the shore directly from the estate. And they did it a lot. A couple of times they had even been photographed there, but at this point they didn’t care. The paparazzi had realized that there was nothing noteworthy about their peaceful routine – largely because they still didn’t know that Lisa was expecting – and, for the last month or so, they had pretty much disappeared. Glancing around, Michael was sure that no photographers were following them. It was surprising that the news about their pregnancy hadn’t leaked, yet, because they didn’t do much to hide it. But the heavy clothes Lisa always wore outside hid her baby bump quite well. As far as their property was concerned, Michael had made sure that it was an almost impenetrable fortress.

They found a quiet spot between a dune and some bushes and Michael spread the blanket on the sand, then held his hand out, helping Lisa sit. He plopped down next to her and gazed at the sea, leaning up on his elbow.

Lisa sat back, resting her weight on her hands. A sudden gust of wind forced her to close her eyes, and she pressed the fedora over her head. She shivered.

“You cold, baby?”

“Not too much… for now… But if it gets real’ chilly, we can always go back home.”

“What? Nonsense…” He sat up and wrapped his arm around her. “…Come here, girl…”

He pulled her closer and she snuggled against his body, his warmth comforting and familiar. She smiled noticing that he had started to cradle her, rocking back and forth almost absent-mindedly. His eyes still fixed on the sea, his gloved hand reached out and rested on her belly, sneaking under the heavy fabric of her trench coat.

Michael’s eyes laughed.

“He’s kicking…”

“Yeah…” Lisa looked down at his hand, half-hidden by her coat. “He’s awake… And when he is, he’s just as hyperactive as his dad…”

“Wait a second…”

He let go of her and scooted down, placing his ear on Lisa’s belly. She laughed.

“It doesn’t work that way, Mike…”

“Shush… let me do this…”

He bit his lip and then, after a poignant pause, started to beatbox, his mouth only a few inches away from her bump. Lisa’s giggle subsided, and she just stared at him, smiling softly, amazed at how easy it was for him to create sounds and rhythms from scratch. His talent, his unmatched ability to imitate strings, horns, guitars and percussions with his voice alone.

The baby’s kicking intensified and Lisa gasped in surprise. Michael’s laughing eyes glanced up at her.

“Feel that?”

“I did!”

“Little bean likes it!” He kissed Lisa’s belly. “Right, baby? You like the funny sounds your daddy makes for you…”

Lisa caressed Michael’s cheek and watched him for a long moment, her head cocked to a side. It all still felt like a dream, sometimes.

“I don’t think it’s possible to not like you…”

He frowned, his face still playful, but his eyes betrayed his emotions. They swirled behind those dark depths.

“That was corny, Lise… I gotta say, this pregnancy has turned you into this soft, tender-hearted, undemanding person… I barely recognize you, girl…”

She scrunched her face and pinched his arm.

“Gosh… You’re such a douche…”

“Ouch! Oh, hey, hello there!” He giggled, “Welcome back! I was wondering where my wife had gone…”

They laughed together, and she realized that Michael had been calling her that since he had returned from Oman. Since he had put the ring on her finger and asked her to marry him. She had said yes, of course, because she truly wanted him to be her husband just like he once had been. Too bad that, on a very rational level, it all sounded like a fairytale. So distant from the reality they were experiencing. So impossible. Michael had told her that he knew a way to get married but hadn’t been specific, preferring to postpone any further conversation about the subject once her divorce was finalized.

Lisa’s smile wavered. At that very moment, on that Scottish beach, entangled body and soul to the only man who had ever been able to make her fall in love in such a complete, profound, desperate way, she wondered why she had given up on Michael for that other man. The one who had been actively trying to make her life miserable for a year and a half now. She knew and remembered the reasons why she had made those decisions, and she was also aware that every consideration was easier in retrospect, but still… She just wanted to be with Michael and their kids. She wanted to give birth to Kellan without being weighed down by any apprehension or anxiety. And she wanted to know everything about Michael’s idea of a wedding. It thrilled her.

“So, can we talk about your delivery for a second?” His dark eyes narrowed and sparkled in the sunny afternoon.

Lisa tilted her head. They had been going through the subject for a while now and, so far, it didn’t look like they were finding any agreement about it.

“You already know what I want. I believe a woman’s body is designed to give birth naturally, so…”

He pursed his lip and exhaled.

“And I agree with you about that. But at the same time, I still think an elective C-section would be the best solution… It’s just safer, you know…”

“Mike… we keep running in circles…”

“Yes, and we don’t know what we gonna do, yet… so… since it’s almost time… I think it’s best if we keep talking about it until we’re clear about how we want to proceed.”

“You don’t have to listen to all the horror stories people share on the internet… there are loads of positive experiences, too, mine included. I mean, I’m not a first-time mum, I already gave birth to four kids, and I think I know what my body can or cannot bear…”

He interlaced his fingers with hers.

“I know… I just think we should go for whatever is safest for you and our baby. Ultimately it doesn’t matter, as long as you both come out of it safe and well…”

She smiled and tugged at his hand playfully.

“Why shouldn’t we come out of it safe and well, Mike? It’s 2018, this pregnancy’s being monitored from the get-go… we got the best doctors… I mean…”

“Look… in different circumstances, if you told me you wanted to deliver at home, I swear I’d set up a small field hospital in our backyard… Just because I’m… well, me… But you gotta understand that these are not normal conditions, baby…”

Lisa hesitated.

“Because I’m not that young anymore?”

“No, it’s not that. You’re still young and healthy. And beautiful. And sexy as all hell. But you know that I’m not willing to take any risks when it comes to our baby… or to you… especially after your accident.”

“Michael, I hit my head, not my uterus.”

He cringed.

“Lise… you know what I mean.”

Yeah. She did.

“…You still have those headaches, don’t you?” His voice was soft and pensive. He played with her fingers and didn’t look at her as he spoke.

“Only sometimes… but they’re nothing. Look, you know the doctors gave us options. Both a natural delivery and a C-section would work, Mike… Both have pros and cons… I tell you what. We can reach a compromise… we can try to have a vaginal birth first, as the recovery period is quicker. And then, if something doesn’t go the way it should, I promise we’ll go for a C-section…” She stared at him. “What you think? Sounds good?”

He took a moment to ponder over her words, his eyes lowering once again on their entwined fingers. She could feel his fear and anxiety, and the wheels spinning in his brain. Michael didn’t do disorganization. Didn’t deal well with powerlessness. And Lisa knew that looking forward to an elective caesarian made him feel like he could handle the whole thing in a more controlled and controllable way.

“OK…” He managed to breathe out, not without difficulty.

She tugged at his hand one more time, forcing him to look at her.

“Hey… It’s all gonna be fine. Trust me. I know my body.”

His eyes serious now, he just nodded. Then rubbed his chin with the palm of his hand. She knew it cost him so much to accept something he didn’t completely agree on. But this mature version of him was more flexible, more reasonable.

“I’d like to feel fairly fit and mobile after birth… I’d like to be able to look after Kellan without being in constant pain, waiting weeks for the scars to heal up… And I’d love to be able to resume all marital activities in a decent time, you know?”

“What? You’re telling me I can’t treat myself with other women while you recover?”

“What a fuck puddle! Don’t even think about it!”

She pushed him, playfully, and this time he laughed. Lisa relaxed a little.

“Aren’t you scared, Lise?” He asked then, after a moment of silence.

“Scared? No… Right now I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place, but I’ve made my decision… I gotta do what carries the least risk for our baby.”

“And for you.” His grip on her hand tightened, and on his face she saw a look that reminded her a little too much of those first days after her coma.

She nodded.

“And for me. Most of vaginal births go without a hitch, Mike… and like I said, we always have that other option… And in that case, sweetheart, you’re gonna need to take on most of the chores at my place.”

Michael snorted.

“Yeah, because I’m the kind of man who doesn’t take care of his woman… or his kids.”

She scooted down a little, finding herself closer to him, and stroked his face.

“You’re right… You’re a model of fucking perfection,” she whispered, then kissed him. His fingers got tangled in her hair and he pulled her closer, deepening the kiss. He backed off just enough to focus on her eyes, that looked clear and so very blue in the chilly winter afternoon.

“No, I’m not perfect… but there’s something you gotta understand, Lise… You are not the only one who thought their loved one was lost forever. All of this feels new to me, too…” He pushed a long strand of hair away from her face and bit his lip. “… For seven years I had convinced myself that the only thing I could be was a bystander… That I couldn’t really live, you know… that it would be all about surviving… No more center stage. And then… here you are again… Giving me back everything I thought I had lost.”

Lisa managed to keep herself in check despite his powerful words. Controlled explosion. Devastating only on the inside – in the best possible way – the outer veneer still intact. She did it for him. Because Michael didn’t need to get even more stressed out and had been feeling a bit pregnant, too.

“Hey, in all fairness, it was your crazy ass who did all the job…” Her free hand grabbed him by the lapel of his trench, shaking him gently. “…You came back. You gave us another chance. You trusted me… us… again. And don’t even get me started ’bout those very efficient little swimmers of yours, crossing the finish line right away… I mean… That’s impressive for an old dude.”

“Yeah… but you were the one who made that race possible in the first place…”

Michael blinked and smiled, letting out a sigh, and she sniffled, glancing up at the sky.

“Damn… this freaking wind is making my eyes water…”

“You’re nuts, Lise… and a bad liar.”

“Yeah. I know. And I’m also pregnant. So stop being so sentimental… You know I don’t like it.”

Lisa was lying again, and he knew it. She loved it. He pulled her closer one more time and gave her a new set of soft, gentle, lingering kisses. Then another blast of wind ripped the fedora off her head.

“Shit!”

They both watched the hat fly in the air, then land on the sand, and finally start rolling straight into the water. Lisa motioned to get up, swearing under her breath.

“No, stay there… I got this… and stop cussing!” Michael gave her one last, quick kiss and stood up, jogging in the sand, running after the fedora. The hat reached the shore, another rush of wind lifted it from the wet sand and made it land right on the surface of the water.

“Let it go, baby!” Lisa yelled. “It’s OK! We’ll buy another one!”

Michael didn’t listen and, without thinking twice, just stepped into the water, boots and all. He squirmed at the contact with the chilly North Sea and then bent over swiftly, grabbing the drenched fedora from the foamy waves and strolling back to the foreshore.

After a moment of tension, during which she had imagined Michael being swallowed by a freak wave, a Kraken or something, Lisa relaxed and smiled. When she saw him shake his head and frown at the sight of his pants, now soaking wet up to his knees, she couldn’t help but laugh. He heard her laughter and looked up, his eyes now smiling as well, then jogged back to her, a boyish grin spread on his face. It was one of those moments when he looked so young, so similar to the Michael she had met in 1988.

He showed her the hat.

“See? Perfect timing!”

He did his classic hat roll trick, and the fedora landed straight onto his head. That made Lisa laugh even more. She had seen that move countless times during his shows, but right then and there it caught her completely off-guard. Michael still had the magic.

“Oh my God! I can’t believe you went straight into the water… fully clothed!”

“It was just a couple of steps… I love this hat, you know?”

“We could have bought another!” She got up and wrapped her arms around his neck. His eyes were shiny under the brim of the hat.

“Stop fussing… I like this one. It has history… just like us.”

“That’s true…” Her smile turned soft, and so did her eyes. She kissed him. “And see? No matter the odds, it’s still there.”

“That’s right, baby girl… Just like us.” He murmured against her lips.

“…And yet you’re a silly guy. I just hope you won’t catch a cold, now…”

“I love being silly. I’ve been waiting to be silly for so long…”

Lisa removed the fedora from his head and, with her other hand, raked her fingers through his now wet hair.

“And I love you.”

Her cell phone going off interrupted their moment of tenderness. Lisa reached into the pocket of her coat and Michael’s hand stilled her.

“Ignore it…” He slanted his lips over hers again, and his tongue invaded her mouth. Lisa moaned into the kiss, pulling back with immense exertion since all of a sudden the only thing she wanted to do was lay his ass down on the sand and have her way with him.

“Wait… it could be important…”

“This is, too…” One more kiss.

“Mike… hold off…”

He sighed and leaned his forehead against hers, then swallowed.

“Oh… It’s Mr. Gross…” Lisa’s voice sounded slightly out of breath.

“Get it, then…” Michael stepped back, giving her some much-needed space as she picked up the phone. He watched her as she pressed her hand to her other ear and squinted her eyes, trying to listen to her lawyer’s words over the whistling wind. She blinked, her expressive eyes narrowing.

“OK… Go on… Yes, I can hear you…”

Michael bit the inside of his cheek. And just like that, he realized that it was showtime. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his coat and studied Lisa’s reaction with great care. When she started sauntering on the beach, pacing back and forth, listening to what Gross had to say, her brow furrowing, he just stood there, taking long, calming breaths. He saw her chewing on her bottom lip. He saw her biting her nails and then scolding herself inwardly. Then her hand came to rest on her tummy, as if she was looking for some sort of comfort. Michael’s heart sunk a little, and yet his strong determination kept him calm and collected. He knew he was right. He had done what was necessary. Lisa would see reason. He thought she might need a bit of time to get adjusted to the whole thing, but still – she would come along. Eventually. Possibly.

When she shot him a sudden glance, he recognized the quality of her look and noticed the darker hue of her irises. At that very moment, he was sure that she knew. Once again, Michael imagined the whole thing as a chessboard. To him, the position of the chess pieces was unequivocal: his queen was facing the opposite king – although, to Michael, the blond dude was nothing more than a pawn – while he, the black king, was protecting her. So very simple. So complicated to explain.

“…I understand…” Lisa stopped pacing for a moment, then walked over to where Michael stood and froze right in front of him, staring straight into his eyes, her face an unreadable mask. “…Yes, I realize this might solve everything quicker than we can ever imagine, but I’d like to think about it… Yes. I know… Yes, I am aware that my ex-husband has filed another response… Look, Mr. Gross, I can’t give you an answer right now. What I can promise you, is that I’ll get back to you as soon as I make up my mind about how we’re gonna use this… dossier… Yes, definitely… Thank you so much… Goodbye.”

Calmly, Lisa put the phone back into her pocket. Then looked up at Michael again.

“I think we need to talk.”

“I know,” he replied, evenly. “You wanna sit down?” He gestured to the blanket, still spread on the sand.

Lisa inhaled a deep breath and shook her head.

“No… it’s probably best if we start heading back… It’s getting cold out here…”

Michael just nodded, squaring his jaw and retrieved the blanket, folding it and securing it under his arm. He held out his hand, and Lisa took it. Good sign. Sort of. For a couple of minutes, neither one of them spoke. Lisa broke the silence first.

“You know… Gross had some very interesting news for me…”

He glanced at the sea.

“Did he?”

“Yeah… but I guess you already know what I’m talking about…”

“Go ahead… Refresh my memory, Lise…” Despite his words, his tone didn’t sound snippy or sarcastic at all. He was very calm – as he always was when it was all about business and when he meant business. Michael had a soft, gentle side, but his core was made of pure, stainless steel.

“Well… Yesterday they received a dossier from a law firm located in Kuwait… Al-Twawrij Law Office… ever heard of it?”

He just shrugged, vaguely.

“Maybe.”

Lisa pursed her lips and nodded, acknowledging what was Michael’s intention to not dodge the bullet. In some way, she appreciated his maturity. Too bad appreciation was not the only emotion she felt, right now.

“Anyway… Gross was ecstatic. A bit taken aback, but happy. This dossier, it’s…. Ah… It includes a lot of interesting information about my… counterpart and his habits, intentions, plans about how he’d like to fuck me over… and things he’s been doing that I wouldn’t describe as innocent or immaculate. Stuff that can be used in court against him and that Gross is pretty sure could do a lot of damage…” She paused. “…You want me to delve into the details about what’s in those files, Mike?”

“No…” He shook his head once again. “…I don’t really care about that. I just care about the possible outcome”.

Lisa scoffed, closing her eyes for a second as she kept walking with him, back to their mansion, hand in hand. Of course, Michael didn’t need to know about something he had already been informed of.

“And what’s even more surprising is that… well, of course, Gross wanted to know why in the world a law firm located in another continent was so interested in my case… So he called them and had a very enlightening conversation with a certain Mr. Yusuf Tajeri, an Iranian lawyer… Someone you know?”

“Doesn’t ring any bells, no…”

It was the truth. Michael had never heard of the guy. He guessed the lawyer was part of Fahim’s massive network of trusted acquaintances.

“That’s weird… Because apparently, about ten years ago that same law firm was appointed to take care of any potential legal problem related to me… by the one and only Mr. Michael Joseph Jackson. Looks like he told them to intervene if I ever was in trouble and needed support, and regardless of his… condition… Meaning that the contract is still valid… even if he’s gone.”

Michael didn’t reply, and they kept walking in silence for a minute.

“So… what are they suggesting?” He eventually asked, his voice bland. He stared at Ròs House. Their home. It was so close.

“Well… Gross believes this dossier is our best chance to find an out of court settlement with the counterpart and stop this madness that’s been going on for almost two years now… And he also believes that, because of those files, we now have the upper hand. According to him, the moment my ex-husband gets to know what’s inside that folder, he’ll be more than willing to settle.”

“At that’s a good thing, right?”

This time, Lisa stopped and turned to him. She let go of his hand and their eyes locked. On her face, Michael saw surprise, hurt, and love. And something else that he couldn’t decipher. Hesitant gratitude, maybe?

“What did you do while you were in Oman, Michael?”

“I took care of business.”

Her eyelids fluttered closed for a second, and she took in a deep breath.

“You took care of business…” She repeated under her breath, with a wry smile. “…Please… just tell me the truth.”

“I am telling you the truth.”

Her eyes watered and his hand reached up, cradling her face. She leaned into his touch, and he let out a small sigh of relief. He could feel her trembling, just a little bit.

“Then tell me the whole truth.”

He gathered his thoughts for a minute, hoping to find a way to convey his sincerest intentions. He didn’t want to control her. He hadn’t been scheming behind her back. He knew he was a control freak but, in this case, it was not at all about that. It was about protection. It was about love.

“I did have that deal in Muscat… I mean… the dude in Karachi… the paintings at the museum… that was all real, Lisa. I didn’t lie to you.”

“No, you just conveniently forgot to mention you were there for something else, too, right?”

He felt her withdrawing emotionally and took her hand, bringing it up to his lips, kissing it. No, he wasn’t going to lose Lisa’s trust because of this… he wouldn’t allow her to get so worked up over such a minor matter.

“I didn’t forget. I omitted to tell you about what I was going to do.”

She snorted, dryly.

“No shit, Mike.”

“And I did it because I knew you wouldn’t agree with me.”

Lisa’s eyes lowered and he stepped closer to her. So close that he felt the heat radiating from her body. He wanted nothing more than taking her into his arms and hold her.

“Look… We’re finally gonna have our baby… we’re rebuilding our lives… we have a future together… and this thing… this divorce… It’s stalling you, Lise. It’s stalling us, and we’re stuck. Plus, you said it yourself… your lawyers didn’t know which way to turn, to get rid of that fool.”

“No, Michael. I never said that. I said that they’ve been working on it.”

He set his jaw, and she just shook her head. She knew he was right.

“I am just tired of people trying to take advantage of us. Of you, in this case. He has no right to make demands. He isn’t entitled to anything that’s yours. That lazy creep should just man up and get a job. And buy a set of decent clothes. But since he doesn’t seem anywhere near that point, I just wanted to give his sorry ass a little push.”

“Without telling me.”

“Because you wouldn’t have let me do it.”

“And why? Have you ever wondered why I wouldn’t have let you do it, Mike?” She backed off and he saw the storm raging in her eyes. He knew that spark very well. He had seen it several times through the years. His woman was fierce. Always had been. And he loved her so much for that.

“I know why.”

“You do? Well, tell me, then.”

“Because you’re more than capable of taking care of your own business by yourself, without me butting in,” he mumbled.

“No, that’s not it, at all! See? What the fuck!” She poked him in the chest with her finger, and he wasn’t sure if he should get mad or laugh at her sudden pissy-ass attitude. He decided to just hold off, at least for now, and see where all of this was going.

“What’s the point, then?” He asked, very calmly.

“The point is…” Lisa shook her head and frowned. “…You just don’t get it, do you, Mike?”

“No, maybe I don’t… help me out, will you?”

“I don’t want you to put yourself in any dangerous situation. I don’t want you to risk your cover for me. I don’t want you to get entangled in any mess that is even remotely similar to the fucking shit you were drowning in, before… I don’t want you to lie for me, or that you feel the need you have to lie to me.”  She reached up and framed his face with her hands and watched him with such clear eyes that he felt like they were slicing his flesh. “Don’t you get it, Mike? I want something different for us, this time.”

“And this is how we get there… how can you not see that?”

“It was not your call to make.”

“Yes, it was. This is my family, too.”

Lisa’s hands now held onto the back of his neck.

“Yes… yes, it is. But what’s going on with Lockwood… that has nothing to do with our family.”

He tilted his head and studied her.

“You sure about that, Lisa?”

She just blinked, as if trying to register his words, make sense of them and find an answer.

“You went through some terrible years, Lise… and I wasn’t there. I couldn’t help. I couldn’t make it better for you, and…”

“Don’t… don’t say that….” Her voice turned into a whisper and he saw her pain, the tears threatening to spill. “…Please don’t do that, Mike. I wasn’t there for you either…”

“How could you? You didn’t even know what was really going on with me.”

She flinched, and he understood. He suddenly realized that she wasn’t talking about the last seven years. She was talking about… before. Again. Some wounds just couldn’t heal over all the way. Some would simply remain open forever, and the only viable way to deal with them was to stop the bleeding. Michael shook his head and pulled her close, held her, wrapping his arms around her body, feeling her bury her face in his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head.

“Was it risky?” She mumbled. She looked up at him. “Was it dangerous, Mike?”

He studied her, his face so very serious.

“No… it wasn’t.” He placed a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose. “That firm is linked to MJ… and I’m not him. Not anymore. None of the people involved in those files are connected to Ethan Murphy… The only thing those two guys have in common is that they both love you… Nothing else…”

“Are you sure?” She did her best to make her voice sound firm. She also pretended to not have been just crushed by the beauty of his words.

“I am very sure… You gotta trust me. I know what I’m doing.”

Yes, he did, and it was working. They had a way out, now. That old, giddy feeling of power swept over him like cold water. It felt good. It also felt a bit shocking. He pushed it back, well aware that the other side of the coin was not something he wanted to experience any longer. This was just a one-time thing, nothing else, and he would make sure it stayed that way.

“If the news leaked, people would waste no time in speculating, you know that, right?” She was still holding onto him, but her body felt a bit weaker.

“Let ‘em. What’s there to speculate, anyway?”

“I don’t know, Mike…That you did something for me from… heaven?” She gave him a sad little grin, and he chuckled, dryly.

“You make it sound so poetic…” He cradled her for a moment, his chin resting on the top of her head.

When he felt her kissing his neck, he backed off just enough to seek her mouth and give her a gentle, lingering kiss. He closed his eyes the moment her hand rested on his face and took a deep breath.

“So… you don’t think I was trying to control you?” Without even realizing, he covered her hand with his own.

She stared at him for a moment, her eyes soft and overwhelmed.

“Do I think you can be the grandmaster, at this game? Yes, I do… Probably the best in the world.”

Michael blinked, taken aback. It sounded so odd that she was using a chess simile. As if she could read his thoughts.

“Do I think you can be a puppeteer if you wanna be? Without a doubt… But if you’re asking me if I think you moved heaven and earth to get rid of Lockwood just because you wanted to control me… Well, then you’re wrong, Mike… The answer is no. I know you. I know your heart. And the times when I would allow myself to get sidetracked by some warped image other people had of you… well, those are gone.”

Those last words felt like a balm to his tattered soul, still full of dark corners. Still buried in a very lumbering past, not able to always live in the present.

“Let me protect you, girl… I just want to protect you.”

“I know.” She stroked his cheek. “I know you did what you thought was right, baby…” He didn’t know why, but her eyes were still immensely sad, and she let go of him, backing off once again. Michael felt the loss of their physical contact.

“So… you’re not mad at me?”

“No, Michael… I’m not mad at you.”

“Then can’t we just… move on?”

“We will. But right now… I need to be alone… for a while.” She started to walk away, then she changed her mind, and for a second she held onto him, one last time, pressing her lips against his. Then she pulled back. “I need to think about what I’m gonna do… OK, baby? You think you can give me a few hours to clear my head?”

She didn’t wait for his answer.

When she started walking away, her arms folded against the wind, her head lowered as she headed straight to the front gate of the mansion, Michael let her go.

Chapter song