Mister Nobody – Part 39 | Home [Epilogue]

Scotland, one year later

Michael was glad his mother had raised him to be well-mannered, even in the most challenging circumstances. Because sure as hell the buckets of rain splashing on his windshield pushed the most creative curse words right on the tip of his tongue. But he couldn’t curse. You don’t swear when you have kids in the car. You just don’t, because it’s rude and because you risk getting distracted, and the last thing Michael needed was not to be able to get home in time. Lisa was waiting for him, and he wanted to be there with her and for her. And the unexpected downpour was delaying his plans. Fucking shit! The storm was so powerful that the afternoon sky had turned steel grey, and the natural light had dimmed out to the point that it felt way later than about five in the afternoon. On a summer day.

After 2009, driving properly was one of the many things Michael had been forced to learn from scratch. It didn’t matter how much he downplayed it: he knew he had always been terrible behind the wheel – and a few years back his friend and trainer Fahim had to muster all the patience he was capable of while giving him lessons. Eventually and after much effort, Michael had learned to focus on the road and not get distracted by anything. Thank goodness, as good ole MJ would have maybe already gone off the road at this point.

“…turn the music on?”

The window shield wipers were working at record speed, and Michael could barely make out the road. He almost didn’t register the words and squinted his eyes, pushing on the brakes ever so slightly. He glanced at the dashboard clock, feeling as if he had been driving for hours, while in fact he had picked up the kids only twenty minutes earlier. Good! That meant they would probably be home in about ten. Well… maybe fifteen.

Harper touched his arm, trying to get his attention.

“Can we?”

“What? I’m sorry, sweetheart…” Michael looked at the little girl through the rearview mirror. “Yeah, sure… just keep the volume down, please… ‘cause I seriously need maximum concentration here. If we don’t pay attention, we’ll find ourselves in the swamp of sadness… together with Artax the horse.”

“That was a mean thing to say,” Harper’s scolded him with a pout that reminded him of Lisa and Michael smirked. Yeah, that movie was still shocking for every kid, even after so many years.

“You’re right, Harper… but hey, if we do find him, we can try to pull him out of that swamp with our mighty jeep, right?”

“Yeah, right…” Harper rolled her eyes, and Michael’s smirk widened.

“I’m serious, girls. We need to be careful and get home as quickly as possible…”

“You’re doing great, and I’m also gonna tell mom,” Finley chimed in from the backseats. “Sometimes she gets worried when you’re the one driving… I don’t know why. I mean… You’re OK.”

Michael made a face.

“Yeah, I don’t know why either.” Then he grinned to himself. He knew exactly why. Lisa was still used to his old, reckless driving style. She was scarred by her experience on the golf carts, at Neverland. Michael had lost count of all the times Lisa had almost stroked out while he drove her around the ranch. Well, being stupid on purpose while she was on board was a more appropriate definition. But he had never put her at risk for real, so Lisa’s lack of trust was misplaced. Yet those memories had stuck in her mind, and now, in a sort of osmotic event, they had reached the kids, too. So unfair!

“Anyway, Fin… you know what? You do just that. You go ahead and tell mom. I’m all for it. Tell her that she doesn’t need to worry and that your stepdad is a great driver and not even a storm can stop – Shoot!” Michael pushed his foot on the brake, and the car pulled up short. He turned around. “You OK, girls?”

They were. They were also both staring mouth agape at the little flurry thing bouncing from the asphalt of the road to the glistening grass nearby, and then disappearing into the moorland.

“Yeah, we’re fine… what was that?” Harper cleaned off the misty window with her sleeve. “Was it a bunny?”

Michael scratched his chin as the Jeep slowly started moving again on the shiny road.

“No, not a bunny… I think it was more like…”

“Like what?” Finley peeked out from behind Michael’s seat and put her little hands on his shoulders.

“…A hare.”

“A hare? So… it was a bunny.”

“Not really.” He raised his eyebrows and glanced at the twins again. “Don’t you girls know the difference between rabbits and hares?”

“The color?” Harper didn’t sound all that convinced.

“Sometimes, but it’s not only that. They look similar, but hares are larger, have longer ears, and are less social than rabbits. In fact, they’re very shy, while bunnies… well, they are…”

“Cuter?”

Michael giggled.

“They are roly-poly chubby-cheeked furry little things bouncing all over the place. So… yeah, they’re cute.”

He heard the girls chuckle and smiled, too, as his eyes turned back to the road.

“Come on, StepDee, turn on the radio! We wanna hear some music!”

“Alright, alright… there you go.” Michael complied, all the while reveling in the warm feeling of the sweet nickname the twins had coined for him. StepDee. Less than “dad”, but certainly more endearing and affectionate than “stepdad” or – God forbid – Ethan. Which wasn’t even his real name. Since he and Lisa had gotten back together, Ethan Murphy had become less and less a real identity and more like a mask Michael needed to wear in public. Being with Lisa meant being nobody else but Michael. Or Mike. A new Michael, stripped of any public role, but true to himself and no longer in need of any make-believe. And although the fusion between his old and new persona was now complete, he didn’t want the kids to call him Ethan.

However, Harper and Finley had called him just that, for quite some time. Right after their arrival, the year before – when they had moved from Los Angeles to Musselburgh. The first few weeks had been shaky and a bit awkward, and it hadn’t mattered how cordial the twins had been to him up until that point. They had become two little ice queens, letting him know that he was, first and foremost, not their father. When Michael had first tried to interact with them as he carried their suitcases into the house, Lisa had been stunned by their harsh remark. He, on the other hand, had just smiled sweetly at the little girls, telling them that yes, they were right and that he was not their dad.

He did get where they came from. After all, their mother was now married to another man. A nice, decent, kind man, yes, but barely an acquaintance, for them. And that had to be coupled with the shock of Lockwood’s and Lisa’s divorce and the mess that had followed it. All the useless, stupid drama that had come with it. The little girls couldn’t understand – and had all the right not to – why what had happened had to go down that way. Plus, the press factor had weighed on them, too: it didn’t matter how much celebrities tried to protect their kids, the rumors would always find a way to reach their ears. And the tabloids had been nasty and unfair to Lisa – which was not news.

In cases like theirs, it was normal that the line between friends and enemies would blur, and that those caught in the crossfire – the kids – wouldn’t know who to trust or who they could open up to. Hence, from day one both Lisa and Michael had known that they would have to work hard to build a new, healthier, more serene and protected environment for the two little girls. The problem was: how did Michael fit in that environment? He had found himself wondering about that several times.

He still remembered how tense he had been, when he had seen Lisa driving through the gates with the twins and their nanny after she had picked them up at the airport. Even that day the girls were sitting in the back seats, and for a moment they had stared at him as if he was an intruder. He understood. Harper and Finley were still kids, but old enough to have a pretty clear idea of what was going on. They had been protected by the ugliness that had coincided with their parents’ divorce, but they were very perceptive. The previous couple of years had been taxing for them, too. And now, this: moving to Scotland, living in a different home, with a mom they loved so much and a guy they had seen maybe three or four times.

Michael’s joy of finally experiencing the thrill of having the big, extended family he had always desired for Lisa and himself had been mixed with a wiser, more realistic assessment of the actual situation. Wisdom made him very much aware that his feelings weren’t necessarily those of the people surrounding him, and that patience was essential.

When he had told Lisa about his concerns about how the twins would react to him, she had just looked back at him with a hint of sadness. And he had read the message loud and clear. She wished the girls would have been theirs – hers and Michael’s. But the reality was different, and they would have to navigate it as it was.

So yeah, to say that at first Harper and Finley weren’t thrilled would be an understatement. They were suspicious of Michael, confused and ambivalent about their mom, angry and upset they had to leave their friends behind. Michael suspected that the blond dude might have something to do with the girls’ nasty mood, but couldn’t be sure. Lisa’s ex-husband had become the newest member of the club of people Michael didn’t give a flying fuck about. At one point, realizing that Harper and Finley made a point of ignoring him, he had started being worried about the outcome of his and Lisa’s plan. Oh, it all sounded so perfect when they panned out their future in the semi-darkness of their bedroom, in the ecstatic afterglow of their lovemaking. But there was an invisible border separating their love-filled microcosm from the rest of the world.

However, Lisa and Michael had underestimated the power of the new lord of the house. Kellan. The twins had loved him right away because the opposite was impossible. The baby’s cheerful and friendly disposition was one of his best qualities, the one that identified him the most: one look at those beautiful chubby face and you couldn’t be anything but crazy about him. Within a few weeks, Harper and Finley had gotten acquainted with the fact that Kellan was their half-brother. Then he had just become the baby brother they would shower with hugs and kisses every day – much to his delight. The word “half” had disappeared from the girls’ vocabulary. “Whole” had become a much more appropriate definition and everything else had unraveled in complete harmony. Michael was Kellan’s dad, and a great one at that. He spent much of his time with the baby, and the twins did too. Their collective connection had begun there and, soon enough, the concept of “extended family” had become real for everyone involved.

In the following months, Michael had turned from the ignorable intruder to the stepdad who never missed a parent-teacher meeting, helped the twins out with their dance lessons and attended all their exhibitions, gave Lisa a hand with the twins’ homework, and so on. He had stopped behind Ethan and, for a while, had become “Ethie”. Then he had stopped being “Ethie”, and had become StepDee.

The feeling of complete, utter joy Michael had experienced the previous spring was hard to describe. It had happened when one of the twins’ teachers had shown him and Lisa an essay. While Harper had chosen to write about her new life in Scotland, Finley had opted to focus her attention on her relationship with Lisa and her new husband.

“…My mom is sweet and caring and always knows what to say to cheer me up when I am sad. I love my mom with all my heart and I am so happy I can spend every day with her. I see my daddy whenever I want and I love him too, very much.

Ethan is my mom’s husband and also Kellan’s daddy. Kellan is my brand-new baby brother and looks a lot like my mom and Ethan. I adore him!

I believe Ethan is the best step-dad I could ever have. I know he is not my real dad but I love him just the same, because he is funny and kind and he also is very sweet to mommy and makes her very happy. Mom laughs a lot when he is around.

Ethan packs our lunch every morning and sometimes even drives my sister and me to school, swim class and dance class. The coolest thing Ethie has done for my sister and me was to build the best tree-house in the world in our garden: after that, I realized that he is the best step-daddy in the world. I used to be sad that my mom and dad were no longer married but now I am happy she has Ethie, because I know he makes her very happy so in the end it all went well.”

After reading that essay with a slightly choked up voice, Lisa had wiped her eyes, while Michael… well, he had forced himself to muster all his performer skills not to bawl like a little kid in front of the twins’ teacher.

So, all in all, it had taken a while but he and Lisa had been able to reach another one of their goals. Once again, patience, love, trust and commitment had been the necessary ingredients to create the perfect recipe for success. There was no longer space for mistrust, childish games, selfishness or power struggles in their life. They cherished what they had and took maximum care of it, and not only it showed – it worked, too.

Today, Michael had gone to Edinburgh because Harper and Finley had to be picked up at one of their friends’ house. And now they were all driving back home because it was going to be a very special night – a special something-something that the twins didn’t want to miss. Something that Michael, too, couldn’t wait to experience. Later that night, Lisa was set to perform live at the Brunton Theater in Musselburgh, and it would be her first and only concert for the promotion of her new album. Michael felt more anxious about that than he had ever been before any of his shows, and that wasn’t surprising. He had never seen Lisa onstage. Not live, anyway. So, he was looking forward to seeing his woman – his wife – doing what he knew she loved, for what was going to be the last time.

“Mama… ain!” Kellan pointed at the huge glass doors and Lisa glanced at the black sky outside.

“Yes, honey. It’s raining… look at those big clouds over there. That one looks like an elephant! See the big ears? The big nose?” She, too, pointed at the sky. She smiled and wrapped the blanket tighter around the baby and herself. As it usually happened during sudden summer storms, the temperature had dropped and Lisa and Kellan were now snuggling together on the couch, in the living room. Waiting for Michael and the girls to come home.

“Lephant,” Kellan mumbled as if assessing the word. Then he put his thumb into his mouth and looked as if he was busy solving some complicated mathematical formula. He had followed her mother’s eyes and soon became entranced by the rain pouring down outside the window, his eyes now only half-open. Leaning back into the couch, Lisa kissed his curly head, glad for the moment of peace. Her little boy was not exactly a chatterbox, although his vocabulary already consisted in way more than four or five words – which he dispensed wisely and only when he thought was necessary. But what Kellan didn’t say, he compensated in actions. He had become quite the explorer – another confirmation that he had indeed inherited his dad’s hyperactivity and curiosity.

He had started walking about three months earlier and now attempted to accomplish something new every day. Kellan had officially become a toddler and had also entered what Lisa knew to be a milestone period in his life. He wanted to sit at the dinner table or stand on a chair instead of having meals in his highchair. He had learned to turn the vacuum cleaner on, scaring the daylights out of Miss Emma every time. He wanted to talk on the telephone whenever one of Michael’s kids, Riley, Ben, or Janet – and even Priscilla – were on the line. Even if he was not yet entirely confident on his feet, Kellan – just like Michael – was fearless and keen to experiment with different ways of moving. As a consequence, Lisa and Michael would find themselves running after their beautiful baby boy busy climbing, trotting, dancing, jumping and running everywhere. It was a daily workout and, although a bit exhausting, kept them both in great shape.

Kellan’s tendency to explore would become especially challenging when they were out shopping – or anywhere outside the house. There was no way in the world the little bean was capable of staying put, strapped into a grocery cart or his stroller: he just wanted to go, go, go. After having almost experienced a heart attack when Kellan had decided to hide in the farthest hall of the mall Lisa and Michael had been shopping at, they had found the perfect solution: a baby-carrier. What a blessing! Mainly because Michael was the exclusive designated carrier. According to him, he was “taller and stronger” than Lisa. Which was true. Also, Michael had told her that, since “breastfeeding had been her territory” he was going to “provide warmth, comfort, nurturing and movement to his baby by carrying him around”, all the while giving Lisa some “much-needed relax”. Lisa had agreed without much of a fuss: let daddy take care of the little worm outside the perimeter of the house! See how he likes it!

Well, he did like it.

Not only baby-wearing promoted an even deeper bonding time for Michael, but was also incredibly empowering for him, because it made him feel essential and meaningful in his father role. Something he was regardless, but Lisa loved to encourage her man doing the things that made him feel good.

Once again, Michael had been right. The little trick had provided mobility to the whole family, and the obvious benefit of having a very fit and toned husband hadn’t gone unnoticed to Lisa. Both she and Michael had been reaping the benefits of weight-bearing when it came to those frequent activities that didn’t involve the little people in the house. They were indeed quite the active couple in the privacy or their bedroom. Or studio. Or bathroom… or any other deserted area of the property.

“Dadee?” Kellan’s voice snapped Lisa out of her thoughts. He was right. Michael should already be home by now. She thought the storm was slowing him down and fought the urge to call him, not wanting to distract him from the road. His driving skills had gotten better with time, but she still preferred that he stayed focused on one task at a time. She decided to just wait for another ten minutes.

“That’s right, Kel. Where’s daddy?”

“Dadee? Home?” The baby turned to her and watched her with his big, aqua green eyes. For a moment, the resemblance with Michael was striking. It was pretty clear that Kellan’s features already reflected the genes of both his parents: from the top of his head to his nose, he was all his dad. Hair, forehead, expressive doe eyes, ears, perfect jawline. On the other hand, the shape of his nose and mouth were Lisa’s. She herself was not surprised by the rumors going around the web: how could it be any different? The buzz had been deafening up until a handful of months earlier before finally subsiding a bit. But that was the net: one simple event created a shit storm of words for a few days or weeks, only to be forgotten when replaced by fresher, more exciting news.

Lisa hoped that her family would not be considered all that interesting. Or at least not interesting enough to be bombarded once again with social media messages and phone calls by reporters, asking them to confirm or deny the theory that their baby had been conceived with MJ’s frozen sperm, and that the generous – and dumb – Mr. Murphy had accepted to be recognized as the father even though the kid was not biologically his. A couple of those journalists had dared to say that it was “obvious” that Murphy couldn’t be Kellan’s real dad. How fucking wrong they were! Lisa had found herself on the verge of cracking up every single time – surprising herself in the process, too. She had been sure she would get mad or upset about the rumors, but then the unthinkable happened: she discovered that she didn’t care much about what the media thought. The amount of fucks given by Michael was even less, and pretty close to zero, since he would just hang up the phone without much of a word before resuming whatever activity he had been previously engaged in.

Once again, Lisa thought about the rumors floating around since Kellan’s clear resemblance with Michael had become public. It had all started with some stolen pictures, then had become a leading topic on social media, and finally had propelled itself on several online rags. Not that she or Michael were going to do anything to conceal their baby. Their past experiences told them that no matter what truth they tried to provide, the media would always twist it. It was pointless. Everyone could think what they wanted.

“Where Dadee,” Kellan stated, matter-of-factly.

“He’ll be here soon, baby boy,” she replied with a sigh, while raking her hand through her hair. She didn’t want to get worried, but she was headed in that direction. She also suspected it would always be like that, whenever Michael was concerned. The previous year had been pure bliss manifested. Married life, so far, was not only so unlike what she and Michael had first experienced, but also different from anything Lisa had ever lived before. Sure, she and Michael would sometimes argue, at times even fight passionately – but they would never stay mad for long, and they would never ice each other out. They would always find a way to start communicating again, with their words and their actions. However, she had yet to find a way to hush up that part of her that seemed to always live in fear that something terrible might happen to Michael. That old part of her constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, perhaps in one of their most special moments.

Like this one.

The idea of stepping onstage again was frightening, to her. But she wanted to play for her fans and her family, with her new band, having the chance to give a live performance of the new set of songs she had worked so hard on, during the last year and a half. The songs that had become her album.

“One more album… Just this last one. I think it’s gonna be my swan song.” She leaned against the door frame after an almost sleepless night. Thinking, feeling and thinking about what she felt.

“And then?” Michael looked at her through the mirror, stilling his movements and placing the straight razor in the sink. He had just come out of the shower and was shaving. His neck still carried a faint trace of shaving foam and, his body wet and only a bath towel wrapped around his waist, he looked stunning.

“And then… I don’t know, Michael. Then I’ll think about something else I wanna do.”

He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment, his gaze inquisitive.

“Music has no expiration date, baby… Don’t give it up for… Hell, I don’t even know why you should give it up at all. You shouldn’t repress your creativity. Life has to be creative, to be worth living.”

Lisa smirked.

“You’re right. And that’s why we have created Kellan…” Her eyes lowered for a moment. “He’s pure perfection.”

Michael smiled, dabbing his face with a washcloth.

“Yeah… he’s the best part of us. Is he up, yet?”

“Still asleep. Anyway… I am not saying I’m giving up on music. I just feel I’ve said – or sung – everything that needed to be put out there. At least as a performer.” She blinked, then glanced at him. “Do you ever miss creating?”

“Why should I? I do create. Every single day I feel like I’m creating something. Don’t you think?” That boyish smile again, and she hadn’t been able to do anything but smile back. Magic.

“Yes… Yes, Michael. You are.”

He scratched his chin and walked over to her. His hands on her hips, he pulled her closer and kissed the tip of her nose.

“Maybe you should think about writing lyrics for other artists, you know? You’re such a great songwriter, baby… Your words always manage to cut me open. They’re so raw. Honest. Don’t give up on your talent… I love how you describe feelings… stories in music…”

Her arms snaked around his neck and she caressed his damp hair. Her senses enraptured by those little things that now took all the space in her heart. The scent of Michael’s cologne, of his skin. The texture of his curls. The intense, comforting darkness of his eyes. The soothing timbre of his voice.

“You do?” She studied him carefully.

“Yeah… I really do. And I love you.”

That had been the beginning of a new chapter, the foundation of what her new album was destined to become. It had been the starting point for a series of new collaborations with many artists who were indeed interested in her lyrics. So far, she had been working hard on several different new songs destined both to well-known and emerging performers, and once again Michael had been supporting her from the sidelines. He would never bother her or intrude, but she loved it when he gave her his opinion. It meant so much to her. In the meantime, her new album had been released and the reception had been remarkable. At least for Lisa. Michael had not looked surprised at all, and that had made her incredibly proud. Just like he had once told her, during their mini-moon in Ullapool, “the sky was the limit”. How right he had been!

“Ask and Receive” treasured the pure substance of who Lisa was deep inside, just like “Storm and Grace” had done back in the day. Thankfully, she was now at a very different stage of her life. The raw desperation coated with the intense melancholy of her previous album was gone, replaced by a sweet longing, a quiet, hushed sense of rebirth that she was too shy to make obvious. She now guarded her feelings with care and didn’t feel the need to be understood by the masses any longer. It made sense: she had the man whom she had always wanted to say those words to, by her side. Every day. Her intense need for privacy was also the reason why she had chosen to work only on a bunch of the countless songs she had written, letting a few selected cover songs speak at her place. Nothing in the tracklist of her album was casual or trivial.

“Time for Tomorrow”, “Remember Yesterday”, “We Want Distraction”, “Blue Bitch”, “Abandoned Man”, “Me and my Soldier”, “Burning”, “A Quiet Conversation”, “Disruptive Parasites”, “The Haze” were, in Lisa’s humble opinion, all clear in their meaning – each of them speaking of old and new truths she had learned during the previous eight years of her life. The cover songs she had chosen to perform were just as evident in their intention: “Use me”, “Way Down”, “You are so Beautiful”, “I’ll take care of you”, “Ball and Chain”, “Ain’t no Sunshine”, “I’ve Got Dreams to Remember” and “I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know” all spoke about love. She had chosen them one by one with Michael’s help, during some interesting nights in their private studio, that past winter. She loved sharing her music with him. More than anybody else in the world, he had the experience, the taste and the skills to give her the most flawless insights about what he believed sounded right for her. And he had been infallible in his suggestions. After all, he was not the artist who had changed history for nothing.

The result? An album that critics had loved right away, pervaded by bluesy atmospheres and yet with a strong Americana flavor. She had opted for limited distribution, not wanting to engage in any particular commitment for the album, and Michael had agreed with her. He knew her. He knew she made music for herself, was aware of the cathartic function of her songs and of her complete lack of interest in fame. If anything, fame had brought her so much pain.

And now, later that night, Lisa would be performing live at the beautiful Brunton Theater. A convenient location about twenty minutes away from Ròs House. The performance would launch and promote her new album through a live concert that was a “one and only” event. It was going to be a goodbye show for her fans, but also the only opportunity to have Michael in the audience. Or at least backstage.

She had agreed to speak a little bit about the show to Rolling Stone, when they had called her a few weeks earlier for a quick phone interview. When asked why she was only going to play live once to promote her new work, Lisa had replied with the truth: she was now 100% devoted to her family and, having just had a baby, she was not willing to tour any longer. She craved the time and space that came with a family-oriented life. She wanted all the time in the world for her kids and for the man she loved. At the same time, she felt her fans deserved at the very least a final goodbye.

And the place was now sold out. The thought made Lisa’s stomach tighten in a knot: where the fuck was Michael? She needed him by her side.

“You know what, Kel? We’re gonna call daddy, whatcha think?”

Kellan squirmed in her lap and turned, clutching to her neck.

“Dadee.”

“Yes. Dadee. We’re gonna find out where the heck he is, OK?” She took her smartphone from the coffee table.

Michael picked up after the fifth ring, when Lisa’s anxiety was already rising another notch.

“Hey, babe…”

Exhaling a sigh, she closed her eyes for a second.

“Hey, stranger. Where are you?”

“We’re… uh… Almost there, baby.”

“Why is it taking you so long? Did you leave the car somewhere and now you’re rowing home on a dinghy?”

Michael giggled.

“You’re silly. Did you take a look outside? A Noah’s ark would be more appropriate. Anyway, no… but we met a bunny.”

“It was a hare,” Harper’s voice from the background intruded the conversation.

“What?” Lisa frowned.

“…Never mind. I think we’ll be there in…” An exasperated sigh. “Shoot… I don’t know, Lise. It might take a while, actually.”

She rose from the couch, holding Kellan against her hip, and started pacing the room.

“What do you mean, it might take a while? It’s 5.45 already, we’re gonna be late…”

“Look, it’s not that they’re gonna start without you, right?” He chuckled again and she started to get miffed at his nonchalant tone. Didn’t he care?

“Dadee!” Kellan grabbed the phone from her hand.

“Oh, hey little man!” Michael immediately exclaimed. Rolling her eyes, Lisa managed to speak into the microphone.

“Baby, this is serious. If you wanna stop somewhere because of the weather, it’s totally fine. In fact, I think it might be better. But I gotta know – if you’re late, I’m gonna drive to the theater with Calvin, or anyone else from the band. I mean, they’re all already there for the soundcheck… I can call them and ask them to come pick me up.”

“Nonsense. We’re going together. Where are you?”

She squinted her eyes in confusion. What was he up to, now?

“Where am I? Home, Mi- …honey. I am home.” She took a deep, cleansing breath.

“Yes, but where? Downstairs, in the studio?”

“No, I’m the living room, why?”

“Oh, OK. Check the driveway, then.”

Lisa walked to the sliding glass doors overlooking the patio, and there he was. The jeep was coming up to the front entrance of the mansion. He smiled at her, the phone still against his ear.

“Hello, beautiful lady!”

She grinned in relief, shaking her head and pressed Kellan’s head against her chest, covering his other ear with her hand.

“Gosh, you’re such an ass. Seriously, I’m married to a fuckstick.”

“Potty mouth. I see you’re covering Kel’s ears, at least. Good!” She saw him smile even wider. The twins appeared from the back seats and waved at her. “I’m gonna hang up now, bye.”

The line went dead and she had to chuckle.

“Dadee!” Kellan pointed at the car stopping before the front door and Lisa grabbed his tiny hand, kissing it.

“Yes… There he is. Your fu… fantastic daddy.”

God, how she loved him.

Ròs House, the previous summer

She looked up from her notepad and put the pen down. The paper felt uneven and rough under the palm of her hand, and she thought about the lyrics she had just scribbled almost in a haze.

“Who could you call when you were alone
Not me, not me
I became weightless, soulless
Your absence pulling me down, into the darkness
Made of fears I had so bravely tried to fight
But It was just a matter of time
So what’s next, baby, now that these nights are growing quieter
You’re no longer the abandoned man, you’re here 
And I don’t feel that emptiness I had learned to love.”

She could almost hear the music, like a distant echo in her brain. It would come. Just like everything. She just had to be patient.

Lisa looked up and, through the glass walls of the greenhouse – her favorite place in the world to write – and smiled observing the scene unfolding before her eyes.

Michael, together with Marcus, Prince, Benjamin and Bigi, had been building a treehouse for the kids. Specifically, for Harper and Finley who, as of late, had started to grow fond of their step-dad. How could they not? He was such a natural father. Generous and thoughtful – he didn’t care about the cold shoulder the twins had given him for the first couple of months after their arrival. As the weeks went by, they had started warming up to him and now Lisa believed the treehouse would make them capitulate.

“I’m gonna elevate my building skills,” Michael had told her when they had spoken about it. She had smirked at him.

“We can call someone, you know? Someone can do it for us. A carpenter, maybe?”

He had made a face.

“Where’s the fun, if somebody else does it?”

The little control freak.

He and the other guys had started designing the whole project and today were busy assembling the actual structure. They were building a pretty big treehouse, too. Just like Paris and Riley, Lisa had preferred to stay out of it and just be a spectator. Right now, her daughter and Michael’s were there, under the beautiful maple, looking up at Michael.

The guys hadn’t built the house too high on the tree, but high enough so nobody would get a bump on the head while walking underneath. At first it had been tricky, because it looked like the roof didn’t want to stay in place and nothing seemed square or aligned. After some tweaks here and there, they had managed to create a beautiful little shelter. Michael had paid particular attention to the well-being of the tree, too, leaving gaps around the trunk to accommodate the movements and growth of the maple, and never constricting any branches with rope, straps or wire.

“We don’t wanna strangle it, right? He needs to breathe,” he had told Marcus, and the gardener had agreed.

Lisa got distracted for a minute, correcting and revising some of her lyrics, then a sudden applause forced her eyes up again. Michael and Prince stood on the external platform of the treehouse, cheering and laughing. Prince’s arm was around Michael’s shoulders and Michael was wiping his forehead. He was smiling from ear to ear. Everybody else stood around the maple, clapping their hands. Then Miss Emma and the twins arrived. The little girls squealed with delight and Michael and Prince climbed down the ladder, hugging them.

Lisa rose from the chair and walked outside the greenhouse and toward the group, squinting her eyes against the warm afternoon sun. When she found herself face to face with Michael, all sweaty and beautiful, she smiled and he beamed back at her. His white shirt was half out of his pants and half-unbuttoned, the collar looked all crooked and she fixed it, almost in an automatic gesture. Michael grabbed her hand and kissed her fingertips, glancing up at the treehouse.

“Look at that! We made it! We assembled it on the ground, then disassembled it and finally lifted it piece by piece and put it back together again on the tree. How cool is that?”

He was as excited as a kid.

“Very cool, baby. It’s magnificent,” she replied softly. And she meant it.

“Mom! Mom! Look how beautiful it is!” Harper and Finley were just as delighted, and she kissed their heads as they hugged her.

“It is! Did you thank the guys?”

“Yes! Can we go up?”

“You can. But be careful on that ladder, OK?”

Michael and Marcus supervised the kids’ first “ascension” to higher grounds and then Michael came back to Lisa, hugging her from behind and kissing her cheek.

“Good job!” She laughed.

“Thank you. You know what I was thinking?”

She leaned back against his chest, the warmth of his body comforting and soothing.

“What were you thinking?”

“How many cool accessories we can add. Water cannons, zip lines, a periscope, a pirates’ treasure chest, binoculars, solar-powered lights… maybe even a trap door!”

As he spoke, she grabbed him by the chin and turned his face to her. Then kissed him.

“Stop. You’re getting overexcited.”

He smiled against her lips and turned her around, kissing her again, with gentle, innocent pecks.

“What about a flag?”

Lisa laughed, lowly.

“A potato launcher?”

She grabbed his chin again. “Gimme a kiss.”

“There.” He obliged. “What about a speaking tube?”

“Oh my God…” She rolled her eyes in pretend annoyance and he giggled. “What about a clothesline pulley with a bucket between the treehouse and the kitchen, instead? You know, for snacks.”

She was joking, but he took her very seriously.

“Stroke of genius! They could lower it to the ground to fetch provisions!”

Giving him an exasperated look, she framed his face with both hands.

“What would I do without you, uh?”

“You’d have to call that carpenter you were talking about.”

“Right… that’s just what I was thinking,” she replied in a sarcastic tone. She kissed him once more and then snuggled against his chest, wanting to freeze time right there and then.

As soon as Michael entered the house, the twins ran toward Lisa and he too walked over to her, kissing his son’s head and then his wife’s lips. He took Kellan from Lisa’s arms and the baby grabbed his face with his chubby hands.

“Dadee!”

“Yes, Kel. Hi! Were you a good boy? Did you behave?”

Lisa gave him a crooked smirk.

“He did. His daddy – not so much. But dad loves driving mommy crazy, right baby?” She gently combed Kellan’s curls, pretending not to notice Michael’s intent look. She knew that he perceived her anxiety, it didn’t matter how much she downplayed it or lied about it. No, Michael, I’m not nervous – it’s gonna be okay. It’s just a show, Michael, why should I feel anxious?

Because she hadn’t felt like a performer in a very long time. And she hadn’t been onstage in years. Besides, she was always tense when she had to play live. She was not Michael – she didn’t have his absolute peace of mind when in front of hundreds of thousands of people at once. The mental image of standing before the audience startled her, and for a moment the idea of just canceling everything became more than tempting.

But no, of course. Lisa knew she couldn’t do that. At the same time, she felt the need to distract herself for a moment and went upstairs with the girls, helping them get ready for the show. Harper and Finley were excited and she, too, was happy to have them backstage with their nanny. The next morning, their father would pick them up to spend a couple of weeks with them, and Lisa wanted to have them around as long as possible before they left.

In the past few weeks, her ex-husband had tried to get in touch with her several times – but as soon as she had understood that he didn’t want to discuss anything regarding their daughters, Lisa had stopped answering his calls. The whole thing had annoyed Michael to no end, too. In his opinion, Lockwood was fishing, trying to see if he could get more money from Lisa. He had told her about his suspicions and she had just looked at him, her face even, knowing well that he was likely right. At the same time, she was aware that she and her ex-husband shared the twins and that he would never go away. The only viable option was to try to keep him as far from her family as she could.

While Lisa and the nanny took care of the little girls, Michael stayed in the living room with Kellan, sitting on the floor and playing with him. However, when Lisa walked back downstairs he was nowhere to be seen. She just shook her head and went straight to her recording studio. She wanted to rehearse a couple of songs one last time, on her pre-recorded tracks and, within minutes, she was absorbed in the music, headphones pressed on her ears, eyes closed. She didn’t hear Michael enter the studio, but when she opened her eyes again he was sitting at the console, pulling levers, turning knobs.

“Who are you? The new sound engineer?” Lisa smiled.

He didn’t look up, but smirked and raised an eyebrow.

“Indeed… Why did you stop? You were doing great, Miss Presley.”

“Was I?”

“Yeah…” He stared at her through the glass. “I think you just need to relax a little. You look a bit tense…”

She knew she did. On the other hand, he looked amazing. He had showered, his hair was still wet, and he was already dressed up for the night. Since it was a warm July evening, he had foregone the jacket and had opted for a vest-tie-shirt combo instead. The Egyptian blue shirt he wore illuminated his features, the slicked-back curls, the grey-streaked beard. The pearl grey vest, trousers and tie were perfect to look elegant without trying too hard. Lisa felt glad Michael didn’t have his glasses on, for now. She wanted to see his eyes.

“You’re right, Mister. I am.”

Why bother? He knew. He could read her like an open book. Lisa took a deep breath and removed her headphones, staring into space, lost in thought for a moment. She heard the recording room open and looked up. Michael was grinning at her.

“You ready to leave?”

“Not really. Are we late?”

He glanced at his watch.

“Not yet. We still have about forty minutes… and then we gotta go. Your band is waiting.”

Another shaky sigh.

“Michael?”

“Yes, baby girl…” He closed the door and stepped into the room, hands in his pockets.

“I am not sure I can do this.”

“Of course you can do this. What makes you so nervous?” He cocked his head to a side, his eyes narrowing.

Lisa snorted.

“I don’t know. Nothing… everything. Having to face the audience again after so many years. Having you there, watching me.”

“You want me to stay home? I don’t want you to feel all jumbled up just because I’m there.”

“Hell, no. I want you with me. More than anything else. I just…” She chuckled, dryly. “I just want everything to be perfect and I know for a fact that I’m gonna mess something up.”

“No, you ain’t gonna mess anything up. You’ll see.” He now had moved into her personal space. The back of his hand stroked her cheek ever so slightly. “Your sexy little self is gonna step on that stage wearing that beautiful steampunk dress you showed me, making me feel all hot and bothered, and then you’re gonna start singing in that husky, bluesy voice of yours and people are gonna love it. I’m gonna love it. And I’m gonna be so proud of you… As a matter of fact, I already am.”

Lisa blinked. No way he was going to make her cry before her show.

“OK then…” Her voice was barely a whisper.

“So…” Michael cleared his throat and touched the microphone. “Are you gonna let me know about the setlist or not?”

“You’re one obnoxious, persistent man. Nope. It’s a surprise, I told you.”

He shrugged.

“I don’t really like surprises, but fine… Just tell me this: are you gonna play Use Me, at least?”

She chuckled.

“Why are you so obsessed with that Bill Withers song? You harassed me for weeks until I agreed to include it in my album. You’re insufferable.”

“Oh, insufferable, too? OK…” He grinned. “I love that song… Love the lyrics, the music… and it looks good on you. Because it’s erotic.”

“Get outta here! But yeah… It’s in the setlist. Don’t even make me think about it. I need to unwind for a second here, Michael. Focus on something else.”

He just raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? I got an idea, then…”

And then he started to sing.

“They keep trying to tell me
All you want to do is use me
But my answer, yeah to all that use me stuff
I want to spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
You just keep on using me
Until you use me up…”

Lisa shook her head and smiled, but then turned serious when his hands closed around her waist and he pushed her back, until she collided with the padded wall. Still humming, he bent his head and kissed her, a light contact that brought every nerve in her body back to life.

“Do you remember how many times you relaxed me before a show?”

“Mh…” Lisa’s hands reached up and rested on his shoulders, then glided down, over his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing. “It never really worked, though… You were always bouncy anyway.”

“It did work…” His voice dropped an octave and he nuzzled her neck. “Do you think it’s gonna work on you, too, now? Girl… you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to repay the favor.”

A silent message tossed in between the lines. He had so wanted to see her onstage, back then. But her touring had mostly coincided with their “off” times. And he had once told her that he didn’t know if he could bring himself to watch her perform with Lockwood by her side. That was why this show was so important, to Lisa. For the first time, she’d have the man who had always been at the center of her thoughts right by her side. Before she could even realize what was happening, Michael was already pushing down her sweater pants and underwear. His lips found her again and he kissed her, his tongue moving in slow, sensual motions in her mouth.

“Step out of those clothes, baby girl… let me help you relax…”

“Michael…” She tried to protest, but her faint voice and her hands, busy rubbing his chest, didn’t reinforce her message. “I don’t think we have time to…”

“Are you kidding me? We always have time for this.” He traced a trail of kisses on her neck and all the while zipped down her light sweater. One hand slid under the thin cotton of her t-shirt, stroking her breasts, while the other reached down and in between her legs. He smiled against her skin. “Yes… we have all the time in the world.”

She framed his head with her hands and pulled him close, once again kissing him, letting go of all doubts and anxieties. Surrendering, she just leaned back against the wall as he got down on his knees, lifting her leg and placing it over his shoulder. He rested the palm of his hand on her lower abdomen, holding her body still, pinning her against the wall. Lisa sighed, her body moving on its own accord, finding the source of its pleasure and going straight for it. She raked her fingers through his hair as she started sighing. Her eyes closed in absolute rapture and her head fell back.

“Fuck,” she whispered, as his mouth closed on her. With the last bit of rationality left, she realized that he would have to fix his clothes and hair again before heading out. She was messing him all up. Then she just stopped caring and got swept away by the notes he had started playing on her body. Such perfection couldn’t be described with words and Lisa didn’t know what she said to him, while he took her that way. But one thing she was sure of: Michael did make a difference and influenced everything she did or was. He always had, and now even more so.

As pleasure flashed through her, vivid memories of making love to him right before several of his shows, in 1997, appeared behind her closed eyelids. They had just reconnected, after the ugliness of their stupid, unwanted divorce and the madness that had followed it. He had wanted her with him in London and, what she had found when she had landed, was a man who was in love with her as he always had been. It had been then that Lisa had realized that what she and Michael shared didn’t depend on papers, contracts or marriage certificates. It relied on some ancient, predestined connection. The only thing they could do, was surrender to it. And surrendered they had. Surrendering they still were.

She opened her eyes, her breath ragged, and glanced down at him. Every detail was so strikingly clear. The way his hand ran over her naked thigh. The way his head moved in between her legs. The way he, too, moaned against her flesh in pure gratification. He took so much pleasure in going down on her. And she loved it when he devoured her. She was about to tell him just that when her climax mounted, unannounced. Within a couple of seconds she was drowning, and it felt like forever. Then, her legs still shaky, her head buzzing, she faintly realized that he was helping her put on her pants again.

Michael stood up, his breath uneven, his eyes shiny. He was smiling and she kissed him. He pulled up the zipper of her sweater and his lips moved from her mouth to her cheek, temple, forehead.

“Feel better?” His voice sounded throaty.

“Yeah… much better…” She caressed his back. “When did you become such a caretaker?”

“I always was. Besides, I love the idea of you going onstage with a freshly fucked look in your eyes…”

“You didn’t really fuck me, though.” She smirked he laughed. True. But he had marked her his.

“That’s right. I’m gonna wait for the after-show for that, and then I’mma bed the singer.”

Now it was Lisa’s turn to laugh. She hugged him, resting her face against his chest, and felt his hard bulge against her belly.

“But baby, you’re still aching… I can’t leave you like that…”

Her hand reached down in between their bodies and Michael allowed himself a few moments of pure bliss, his hips pushing against her small, warm palm as she rubbed him through his pants. Then he covered her hand with his own and stilled her movements. All the while, Lisa tilted her head up and kissed him. She knew what he was doing. He had pleasured her but wasn’t allowing her to do the same to him. Him distracting her could only go so far – his professionalism was deeply rooted, and he believed she had to stay focused on what she had to do.

“Mike… Don’t. Please, don’t hold back. Let me…”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” He took her hand and kissed her wrist, making her shiver. God – how was it even possible that she wanted him again, already? That was one of the collateral effects of sharing that attraction. The deepest connection.

“You know what? I was just thinking about hanging up some pictures…” He glanced around the room. “These walls look so empty. Plus, I don’t even need a hammer right now, so… perfect timing, I guess.”

He shrugged and Lisa chuckled.

She was married to a goofball spirit with a genius mind and a body made for sin. And she loved every minute of it.

In the dim bluish light of the theater, she hadn’t noticed that at one point people had gotten up and started singing and dancing in the narrow aisles. The moment she saw them, it was a like a burden was lifted off her shoulders and she gave the first truly relaxed smile of the night. Lisa had no idea how long she had been onstage, but was pretty sure they were still in the first half of the show – at least according to the setlist. Yet it felt like she had just stepped in front of the audience and been there forever, all at the same time.

Her new band was terrific – solid, confident, reliable, very much capable of reinterpreting her old songs without altering their identity while offering something different, a new twist. Something more. Something new and refreshing. At one point, Lisa had glanced to the left and she had intercepted Calvin’s eyes. He had smiled at her as his talented hands kept moving on his guitar without a glitch. Lisa had realized that nobody would miss Lockwood. She sure didn’t. Besides, she felt in great shape and emotionally better than she had been during her previous tour, when she was always in so much pain. Michael loving her in their recording studio, at home, had worked its magic and Lisa had indeed been able to loosen up. It was as if he had infused some of his own confidence in her and when she stepped onstage and started singing, Lisa realized that she was exactly where she wanted to be. In so many ways. The tension was gone.

Michael observed her from his privileged area, on the side of the stage, experiencing first-hand the same emotions that she felt. Their profound connection allowed him to have a direct link to his woman’s thoughts and he felt her nervousness fade away as she propelled herself into the purity of music with no hesitation. On his shoulders, Kellan made a sound and used his dad’s hat like a bongo drum. The baby too was having so much fun watching his mommy onstage. Sadly, he wouldn’t be able to remember anything at all, growing up, but Michael had made sure the entire performance was put on film. For their private collection.

He and Lisa had taken the boy with them right away, asking the nanny to meet them at the theater later that night to bring Kellan home. For now, the little man was as vital and energetic as ever. Michael suspected that his son had indeed inherited his over the top enthusiasm for… well, everything. It was totally pointless to try to tell the boy that he could stay in his baby carrier and enjoy the show from there: he was way too wiggly.

“Mama!”

Michael removed Kellan from his shoulders and put him back down in front of him. Man, those soundproof headphones he was wearing not only looked huge on his head, but also didn’t prevent him from dancing.

“Yeah, that’s your mama over there! Look how beautiful she is!”

Kellan pointed his little finger at Lisa and smiled, and Michael nodded, staring at her, too. She looked stunning, and her total-black outfit enhanced her long auburn hair and her aqua blue eyes just perfectly. Lisa wore an asymmetrical Gothic-styled dress made from stretch black rayon. The long black sleeves featured a ribbon corset lacing over a black mesh panel with lace trim, and the same black lace trim created straps across her chest. Michael loved Lisa’s black rayon skirt as its asymmetry revealed a second, inner black lace skirt that was shorter at the front than the back. He loved that detail because it showed one of his wife’s best assets: her legs. For a moment he forgot about being a dad and his mind wandered toward the lover side of his brain. He cleared his throat and tried to keep himself in check, thinking back about the moment when he, Lisa and Kellan had entered the theater.

They had arrived about an hour before the show, because Lisa didn’t need to do anything but rehearse for maybe ten minutes: everything was ready. They hadn’t bothered entering the building from the back entrance: the venue wasn’t big enough to create havoc, but they had found a large group of fans gathered around the entryway – and some paps, too. The fans had squealed and cheered and Lisa had started shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries with a few people, recognizing some fans from her previous shows. Those faithful people had made her eyes shine in emotion. She had never let go of Michael’s hand and he had stayed close to her, his baby carrier on, Kellan wiggling and floundering against his chest as if he was dancing a frenzied tarantella. Since there was no need for any security detail, Michael had just kept his newsboy hat low on his forehead and had glanced around carefully. Just in case. He had discovered that he loved acting like a security guy around his family – and what was even funnier was that the paps knew that, too. He and Lisa had laughed their asses off once they had realized how the reporters reacted to Michael’s stern look and pissy-ass attitude.

The first time that Michael had “misbehaved” with a pap had been a few months earlier, while they were in Edinburgh shopping with the kids. The paparazzo had been acting a little over the top around Lisa and Kellan while Michael made sure Harper and Finley were putting their seat belts on, in the car. After the umpteenth ignored request by Lisa to just leave it alone, Michael had started to get pissed. Then, when he had heard Kellan’s cry, he had slammed the car door shut and had walked over to the reporter, almost getting in his face. The man had backed off in zero time and had left.

Since then, it had been game on every time the reporters were around. It worked: Michael’s curt and unpolished reaction seemed to keep the paps both unengaging with him and less intrusive to his family. That change in attitude also created an even larger gap between Ethan Murphy and MJ who, as the whole world knew, was a kindness dispenser 24/7. A win-win situation. Michael would never admit it openly, but he loved throwing the paps around, in a metaphorical way. It was nice not to be the good guy, for a change. After decades of being mistreated, bullied and mocked, he and Lisa were now getting the respect they deserved. At this point it didn’t even matter that part of that respect was based on mild fear. Who the hell cared. Anyway, with time Michael had even managed to pull out the perfect scolding face for the paps, and he had been wearing it even while surveying Lisa’s interaction with the audience outside the theater.

“Oh my God. Oh my God. That’s your baby! And your handsome husband! O-M-F-G. What a beautiful family, Lisa Marie! And how gorgeous you look!” A woman in the crowd had exclaimed joyfully as Lisa smiled and nodded her head.

Yep. Everyone knew they had gotten married. Their secret wedding ceremony hadn’t worked out that well, after all. During the handfasting, a couple of people from the catering service had shot some pictures of the newlyweds and then had sold them to the press. Sadly, among the collection of shots there was also some close-ups of Kellan. Of all the rags out there, the ever-present and ever-obnoxious Radar Online had been the one buying them, explaining with a hint of sarcasm that Lisa had gotten married for the fifth time with a ceremony that was “pointless” and “of no legal value”. The news had been topped off with some snarky remarks about Kellan’s obvious biracial features, triggering further speculations on social media. At first, Michael and Lisa hadn’t even noticed: in their little microcosm of bliss, tabloids and the shit they pulled did not exist. Then Janet had called them and told them, and she was pissed as all hell.

“Dunk, I’m gonna put you on speaker but please, try to avoid the usual speakerphone convos you and my lovely wife used to share, ‘kay?” Michael giggled.

On the other side of the world, Janet gasped.

“Why you gotta be such a fucktard, Mike? This is some serious shit!” Janet heard Lisa chuckle, too. “Oh my god, is stupidity contagious or what? Why is she laughing?”

“Because we don’t care, Janet. We really don’t.” Lisa cleared her throat and regained some composure.

“Guys, for real. The speculations are all over the place. I mean, we know that your wedding wasn’t supposed to be anything but what it was – symbolic, that is, so no big deal there. Once again, beautiful ceremony, by the way. Very meaningful, I even cried. But they’re talking about the baby, too. You gotta find out who the rats at the party were… don’t you want their heads on a spike? I do.”

“Calm down…” Michael yawned and scratched his head. “It’s nothing.”

“No, it’s not nothing, Mike. They’re saying that you’re not the father. Hell, they’re saying that you guys are not the parents!”

“Which is idiotic, since I was pregnant and they know it. They plastered my pictures all over their website,” Lisa commented.

“Well, they don’t care about being first-class idiots. You know that. Anyway – they’re saying that Michael, as in MJ, is the bio-dad, and that you, Lisa, got pregnant with his frozen sperm and some frozen eggs or something and you Michael, as in Ethan, are accepting the situation because… well, because you’re dumb.”

“OK…” Michael replied cautiously.

Janet’s eerie silent made Lisa feel in need to put her two cents in there. She understood how Mike’s laconic response could be infuriating. 

“Jan, they spread the same lies after our first marriage, remember? They said it was not legal, that it was some publicity stunt, and even now there are people still believing that shit, so… I mean, we can’t really do anything about it.”

“Well, you could sue their asses.”

Michael shook his head and leaned back into his chair, stretching his legs under the desk.

“No, we’re not gonna sue anyone unless it is necessary. We are just going to ignore them and live our lives. That’s our strategy.”

He leaned toward the phone, his elbows on the desk.

“Dunk, listen to me. Do we wanna know what they say? Hell, no. Let them speculate. We are here, together. We are living the life we wanna live. They make stuff up anyway, and they’ll keep doing that because they know they can’t touch what we have. They don’t like being ignored… so that’s exactly what we’re gonna do.”

“Kellan is our baby. We know that, our families know that,” Lisa reached out and took his hand. “It’s enough for us. Don’t get worked up over this shit, Janet. It’s not worth it.”

Janet sighed.

“OK… if that’s what you guys want. But what about the people from the catering service?”

“Well, fuck them too,” Michael mumbled. 

Michael stared at Lisa as she sang her heart out onstage and his heartbeat accelerated, hearing her interpret a song that he too had performed a long, long time ago. It was “Ain’t no sunshine” and the original, emotional hue her bluesy, husky voice gave the song was incredible. Of course, she had changed the lyrics to fit her gender, and while listening to her, Michael knew exactly who those lines were dedicated to.

“Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone
It’s not warm when he’s away
Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone
And he’s always gone too long
Anytime he goes away

Wonder this time where he’s gone
Wonder if he’s gone to stay
Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone
And this house just ain’t no home
Anytime he goes away”

As she sang, Lisa turned to Michael and they stared at each other. His vision blurred for a moment and he perceived, wave after wave, the old pain Lisa had endured when he was, in fact, gone. Then his heart rejoiced at the realization of having found the strength of coming back. To her, for her, and for himself, too. Nothing could compare to the feeling of togetherness he experienced with her. Nothing.

His moment of suspension broke when he noticed Prince and Paris entering the backstage. They had made it! He had been texting back and forth with his kids, because they were supposed to land earlier in the afternoon. But their flight from London, where they had been attending a charity event, had been delayed and they were making it to the theater just now. They looked relaxed, happy, well-rested, at ease and he thought that their arrival had perhaps gone undetected. Once again, patience was the most treasured virtue to cultivate: after some problematic first months, the press had just made peace with the fact that the Jackson kids now had a strong bond with their father’s first wife. The fact that Prince, Paris and Blanket were also tight-lipped about their relationship with Lisa and her new family had helped too. And not once the media had linked them to Ethan Murphy. No suspicions had ever arisen.

Michael let go of Kellan for a second to wave at his kids and it was then that the baby started heading straight for the stage – toward his mom. A moment of fatal distraction.

It all moved in slow motion.

Michael letting go of the kid. Kellan sprinting toward Lisa. Paris’ eyes widening and Prince bending forward like a runner ready to take off. Lisa noticing the scene and starting to turn in the kid’s direction.

Michael acted on impulse and, without even realizing what he was doing, jumped off his chair and strode over Kellan who, just like any other kid his age, had the power of being challenging for any parent – no matter their age or athletic training. The little boy was already on stage when his father managed to about tackle the zigzaging toddler and lift him off the floor in one smooth move. Michael found himself in the spotlight, near the drums and the only thing he saw were Lisa’s eyes trying to make sense of what was going on. At the same time, in that split second and while facing the crowd, he realized that he really, really had gone through his fair share of spotlight. He was done. And just wanted to go backstage. Which was exactly what he did.

“Ma!” Kellan protested, clutching his dad’s shirt.

“Yes, ma. But not now… let’s go, little man. Come with daddy.”

Michael grabbed his wormy son and kissed his head, all the while marching back into the shadow.

He sighed and relaxed under the warm water jet, strands of hair falling over his closed eyes. He placed his hands on the cold tiles, all the while noticing that his back felt a bit sore and stiff. The result of that sprint to tackle Kellan, suddenly possessed by the stage fever. It occurred to Michael that his youngest son might even become a performer, someday. In that case, he was going to tell him a thing or two about how to deal with the pile of horseshit that came with fame.

He smiled to himself, thinking about the beautiful night that was now coming to an end. Of course, Lisa hadn’t messed anything up and had been nothing but perfect on stage. Her voice strong and seductive, her interpretation flawless, her mood jovial, her appearance stunning, she had given one of her best performances ever. And he was so proud of her. Seeing her like that had been captivating, mind-blowing and emotionally consuming at the same time.

Michael wasn’t surprised when he heard the glass door slide open and didn’t need to open his eyes. He knew Lisa was there. He smelled the unique scent of her skin, recognized her essence, the intangible impact of her body close to his. He stood still, and even when she kissed his shoulder blades and back, he didn’t move. Her face rested against his back and her arms reached around. One hand on his chest, the other on his stomach. Her fingers stroked his skin in slow, circular motions.

“You tired?” Michael asked.

“Not at all. The rush of adrenaline doesn’t go away after you step off the stage. You should know that.”

“I do.” He took her hand and kissed it, then motioned to turn to her. “Anything I can do, for you?”

“No, stay. Let’s just stay… like this. For a while.” Another kiss on his back and Michael sighed. “Did you have fun, tonight?”

“Very much. Did you, Lise?”

“I think it was my best show ever.”

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing… The performance of a lifetime.” He ran his hand over his face, water dripping from his beard.

“And I’m not done, yet. What about you let me take care of you, now? After you took care so well of everything, today… the perfect stepdad… the perfect husband… the perfect bodyguard… the perfect father… with some impressive dad reflexes, too…” She spoke in between kisses and, just like that, his back didn’t feel so stiff anymore. Another part of him, on the other hand…

“By the way…” Lisa’s voice sounded huskier than usual. It was because she had sung her heart out, but also because she was turned on. And Michael felt it in the quality of her touch, the rhythm of her breath, the way she kissed and touched him. “Did you notice all those women having the hots for you, outside the theater?”

He had to giggle, shaking his head.

“No, I didn’t. You’re dreaming, girl…”

“No, you’re blind and deaf, Michael. You’re old, I know…” She playfully bit his shoulder.

“Careful. You know what happens when you tease me.”

She chuckled.

“I can’t really blame them, though. You are so freaking sexy… I couldn’t wait to come back home…” Her hand moved lower and he forced himself to keep his eyes closed. He was going to play by her rules. For now. It was so easy to let go, when he felt like a love-sick teenager.

“Yeah? How so?” This time, his hand came to rest over Lisa’s, guiding it where he wanted it to be.

“Because I remember you telling me that you were going to bed the singer after the show… and…” Her hand grabbed a hold of him, caressing him, her scalding hot fingers making him twitch. “…The show is over now, so…”

Michael let go of her hand and let her move the way she wanted. All the while thinking that he would pass out if she deprived him of her touch now. He made no motion, letting Lisa absorb him in the whirlwind of pleasure taking form behind his closed eyelids. He felt love. He felt tenderness, and lust. He felt gratitude.

“So… You want me to bed the singer?” His head lowered further, the hot water hitting the back of his neck. He breathed in and breathed out as she kept stroking him, touching him masterfully enough to test his endurance.

“Yeah. I want you to bed the singer. But not right away…” The tempo of her movements increased. The powerful force building inside of him staggering in its intensity, mind-blowing and unstoppable. Unbreakable. And not facing her, not seeing her eyes, became intolerable.  “For now I just want to take care of you…”

He finally turned and her blue gaze invaded his vision. About crippled his sanity, too. Michael couldn’t find the words to express how he felt or describe what he saw on her face. The storm of emotions swirling in her eyes.

“…Because I love you, Mike. I do love you… like crazy.” All her playfulness was gone and she was serious now, her eyes holding a glow that he could barely sustain. Too strong. Even for him.

Michael could deal with their playful games – the teasing, the taunting, the sarcasm, the cockiness. The mischievous part of their lovemaking, their eternal dance of love. But when everything reduced itself to the raw essence of what they felt for each other, it always felt like jumping into space. Without oxygen. And now Lisa’s touch on the most sensitive part of his body, in perfect contrast with the absolute tenderness in her eyes, made him feel as if he was going to be blown to dust and reduced to invisible particles. Stardust. He never wanted her to stop touching him, wanting him, loving him. If she did, he’d beg. He’d die. That was her power – a power that he had over her, too, and surrendered to her at the same time.

Every muscle of his body taut, he leaned over and their foreheads touched. He kissed her and Lisa arched into him, her hands resuming their ministrations on him, holding him, stroking him. It was almost too much – almost. And yet never enough.

“God… Lise… Please…”

Her kisses descended on his neck and torso, and she moved in tune with them, sliding down until she sank to her knees and looked up at him. He thought he would burst. He covered her hand with his own, holding himself out to her. He didn’t need to ask. She knew. When she took him into her mouth, the way her tongue caressed him, it all set off another electric shock and he almost staggered. She was that good. His sighs were music to Lisa’s ears, and whatever perfect harmony she had heard on stage earlier that night couldn’t hold a candle to the sounds Michael made when pleasure enraptured him. He grabbed her hair but his grip loosened right away. Her touch, loving and yet lascivious, forced a movement from his hips and she purred, almost sending him into orbit. He tilted his head back, letting the water stream down his chest and stomach, until he thought he couldn’t hold off any longer. He backed off slightly and grabbed Lisa by the shoulders, lifting her, turning her.

She closed her eyes and felt his lips on the back of her neck, then tracing the length of her spine as his arms snaked around, touching her everywhere. Her moans filled the private space of the shower and the warmth she felt was so extreme that she couldn’t tell if it was because of the hot water or their temperature getting higher by the second.

And then, Michael turned her again and his face was flushed, his eyes bright. They kissed again and she felt herself being lifted. Her feet no longer touching the floor, he was holding her against his body. His muscles, his heat took the place of gravity and rationality and she couldn’t do anything but close her legs around him, cradling his waist between her thighs, rocking against him. He stepped forward and she was pressed against the cold tiles. One hand reached up, resting on the top of his head as he kissed and nibbled at her shoulder, her breasts. Her other hand scraped his back.

“Do it… Take me… Do it.”

Once again, his strong arms lifted her further and his mouth kissed her between her breasts, then bit down on her soft skin. Her body responded by arching into him, wanting more, needing more. Craving all of him. She moaned, her stomach clenched the moment she felt his hardness rubbing against her. She was ready for the impact. She wanted the destruction and rebirth that went with being loved by him. She cupped his head with both hands, her fingers tangling in his soaking wet hair, pulling his face up to her, kissing him again with startling urgency. Michael’s hips moved and in one single upward stroke he was inside of her. They both moaned in perfect unison, Lisa pulsed around him and he shivered. Then started to move.

She found herself growing almost desperate – the thin line between intense pleasure and complete obliteration blurring.

“Holy shit… oh, fuck…”

She had no idea what she wanted to say. He found her lips and kissed her again, driving his tongue into her mouth and she whimpered, holding his head as he kept thrusting into her with more force, touching every single spot inside of her. Her body shuddered and her legs trembled, all the while holding him captive, never letting go. She looked at him – his face was glowing. She felt everything. His chest pressed against her. His hands holding her in place so that he could drive into her the way he wanted, with each and every stroke. His warm breath against her neck. Michael pulled back slightly, their lower bodies still connected.

“Lise… girl… fucking hell… You’re killing me…”

She could tell how brutal the level of his arousal was. It was all in his mumbled, choked words, in the way his movements picked up speed. He gave her full, hard jabs and she shattered, finding his eyes on hers, their darkness sucking her in. She cried out and started convulsing around him and against his body and he held still for a moment, clenching his jaw and grunting, then finally digging himself deeper into her, knowing well that she loved feeling him that way while she came. In truth, Lisa didn’t even think it was possible to have him fill her more than he already had, and her breath stilled for a second.

“Oh damn… Michael… Goddamn it…” She lost control of her senses because he was consuming her. Like fire. Nothing felt that good. Nothing in the world felt as fulfilling as having him sliding into her, his movements slowing down as he gave her time to recover. But she didn’t want that. She wanted to keep feeling him.

“Girl… You ready… Shit… I gotta do it…” The way he talked, his voice low and deep, told her that he was trying hard to hold himself in check and that it took all his will to do so.

Her hands framed his face and she kissed him, her hips rocking against his body. Michael closed his eyes. Her lips reached his ear, and a moment later she was whispering, murmuring, inviting him. She was calling him, the pull of the abyss too strong to be ignored and he pinned her up against the wall one more time, picking up speed again, pounding into her in a steady rhythm, panting.

“Please do it… do it, baby. I wanna feel you. Come, Mike… Come, baby. I love you so much.” She rolled her hips and it was his undoing. He was so hot that he was almost melting. Every muscle in his body burned. His cock was about to explode. He knew he was being rough, but he also knew that was the way she wanted him. He was mastering her but, at the same time, she was the one making him forget himself. Such a delicate balance, the metronome swinging from side to side. Her. Him. Her. Him. They would always meet in the middle.

Michael came so violently that the firmness of his embrace took Lisa’s breath away for a moment. His body remembering everything about her and forgetting everything at the same time. All that was him reawakened, even those parts that were still folded under layers and layers of darkness. He sank against her, panting in the crook of her neck.

“You are the only woman, the only woman… you are the only one.”

When he opened his eyes it was morning and his head was still in Lisa’s lap, just like it had been hours earlier. And, just like then, she was stroking his hair.

Michael looked up: her eyes were bright and shiny, her gaze focused on him and yet indistinct, like someone who had breathed in flames. And it made sense, since they had burned throughout the night, making love again and again, wavering between languid words and motions and raw fucking. Lisa’s irises were hypnotic and he found himself staring at them for what felt like an eternity. Then his hand reached up and touched her face, pushing a strand of tousled hair behind her ear.

“Hey…” His voice sounded hoarse. “…How long have I been sleeping?”

She glanced at the clock on the nightstand.

“I don’t know… a couple of hours, maybe.”

“Lise… I’m heavy, you should have pushed me off you.” He motioned to get up.

She smiled and pressed her hand to his chest.

“No… Stay there. Just for a minute…” She tilted her head and stroked his cheek. “I love watching you sleep… seeing you relax.”

“And I love having you take care of me… Always have… I should have told you every day.”

Her eyes fluttered closed and he swallowed. It was the truth. He was so sorry it had taken so long to be able to say it for what it was.

About an hour later, they had gotten the twins ready to meet their father. Lisa had offered to go and meet Lockwood at the gates, but Michael had shaken his head. He could tell that was something she didn’t want to do, and one of the unspoken rules of their new life was that nobody had to feel forced to do anything they didn’t feel like doing. This was not on her. Michael was more than willing to take care of Lockwood on his own, just the remind him how things were now.

“I’m gonna take the kids to the gates, make sure they’re OK, and then come back to you. Alright?” He had read her face and Lisa had lowered her head, hiding her eyes from his quiet scrutiny. “Hey… look at me, Lise.”

She had glanced up.

“OK?”

“OK.”

He had tilted her chin up and had kissed her.

Michael’s face was an inscrutable mask as he stared at the man just outside the property. He straightened his back and stopped before the entrance, opening the gate but standing on the threshold. His whole body communicated an unequivocal message and remained still even when Lockwood moved closer. As usual, he was dressed like a loon. Michael shook his head inwardly.

“Aren’t you gonna let me in?” The man’s voice sounded calm, but Michael’s fine hearing didn’t miss the subtle contempt lying beneath the surface. He was not going to make a scene – he had already won. The fact that he despised that dude didn’t mean that he couldn’t keep things civil. After all, the twins were involved, and they loved their father. Michael accepted that. Respected that, more than Lockwood respected Lisa – that was for sure.

“Nope.”

“Well, I’d like to…”

Michael leaned against the gate and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I said, no. The girls are on their way, and you’ll meet them outside. I’ll make sure they’re fine, and then you’ll all drive off and enjoy your vacation. That’s how things are supposed to be… that’s how it’s gonna go down.”

“Well, OK. It’s your house, man.” Lockwood raised his hands in a pacifying gesture, and Michael just kept staring at him. His head slightly lowered, his eyes looking up from behind the lenses of his glasses.

“But you gotta know, I tried to call Lisa. I wanted to speak to her.”

“Well, you’re speaking to me. It’s gotta be enough.”

“You don’t wanna know what I gotta tell her?”

“No, I don’t.”

Whatever Beavis’ game was, Michael didn’t care. The only thing he cared about was his current ability to spot leeches from miles away. And dude over there had already engaged in his fair share of blood sucking.

Lockwood opened his mouth to reply and, at that moment, Harper and Finley came running in their direction. He just shook his head and glanced at Michael one last time, then crouched down, hugging his daughters who, of course, were happy to see him and spend some time with him.

“Hey, girls! You ready to go?”

“Yeah!” Harper turned to Michael and looked up at him. He smiled, very softly.

“You have fun and behave with your dad, OK?”

“Will you call us?” Finley walked back to him and stood next to her sister.

Michael’s heart gave a squeeze. Sighing, he crouched down and both the little girls stepped closer, putting their arms around his shoulders and kissing him on the cheek.

“Yes, of course. Mom and I will come pick you up in a couple of weeks. You enjoy your holiday.”

“Will you really put a periscope and a speaking tube on the treehouse, while we’re away?” Harper asked in a conspiring tone.

He giggled.

“Yes. And a potato launcher. Just… don’t tell mom.”

“OK, StepDee,” Harper kissed his cheek one more time. “We love you.”

“I love you too.” Michael watched them as they ran to their dad’s car and raised his hand when they waved at him from the backseats.

Lockwood walked back to the gates, his face looking like a smacked ass. He hadn’t liked what he had seen. He was jealous. And once again, Michael didn’t care.

“What?” He asked, although he already knew the answer. Dude had not been around much during the previous year, and was stunned to find out that his daughters had developed such a tight bond with Michael. And that they loved their new life in Scotland.

“It is an appalling kick in the teeth that you allow them to call you that.”

Michael just grinned and rose to his feet, resuming his previous position. Shoulder leaned against the gates, arms crossed over his chest.

“Stop looking like you’re about to barf. They know you’re their dad. They call you dad and they love you. Be grateful for that. I’m not their father, but I am part of their lives. And they call me the way they want. Nobody has ever told them anything. Nobody has imposed them anything. They are free, happy kids.”

The other man shifted on his feet, looking uncomfortable. Michael had the power to make him more nervous than he wanted to let out.

“Yeah? Well, just remember to stay at your place.”

“Yeah, you do that, too. I know what my place is. I apply band-aids and invisible magic dust on little injuries when they get hurt, I banish monsters from the dark, drive them to school and talk to their teachers, together with their mom…” Michael crossed his ankles in a very relaxed stance. “I help them fight the aliens on PlayStation, hug and comfort them when they are sad… and soon enough I’ll even have to start chasing off wannabe boyfriends. Which means that I’ll be the one hosing little pricks down, and not you. And not because you can’t.”

The man Lisa should have never married blinked, several times. Michael didn’t relent.

“They call my son their little brother. So… they are your daughters, but they are our kids, too. Lisa’s and mine. Don’t turn them into pawns in any ratbag attempt to piss her off. She’s over you, man. I am, too. We are done. You got plenty… and in my opinion you got even more than you deserved. Thank Lisa for that, ’cause she owes you nothing. This is our life. We love those little girls and we’ll do anything in our power to make them happy. So, yeah… I’m StepDee, OK? ‘Nuff said. Now jog off.”

Lockwood stared at Michael as if he had just slapped him. Without a word, he turned and walked to his car. The twins waved at Michael one last time and he smiled at them. Then watched them drive off until they disappeared. Only then he took a deep breath and closed the gates, tipping his head toward the security guy in the guardhouse.

He pushed his hands into his pockets and started strolling back to the main mansion. He was a bit irritated at the dude, and even kicked a rock he found on the walkway.

What the fuck. How dared he.

Michael knew that what ultimately mattered was the quality of crucial relationships, and not the family type or the relationship label. However, language and labels were inevitable. They explained how people were connected in terms of family trees and blood, but also denoted levels of attachment and expressed the value a person placed on a relationship. And the twins had developed an emotional attachment with their stepparent, beginning to look for a label to represent this. StepDee. There was no right or wrong, it was just what the kids felt natural. What Michael and Lisa believed was important was that all their kids could be allowed to choose and lead the way, without feeling forced or restricted.

Freedom. Freedom was all that counted.

The more he walked, the more irritation slipped away from him. He glanced at the mansion, noticing how the morning sun painted the rooftop with its flaming fingers. He squinted his eyes and removed his glasses, putting them in the pocket of his shirt. The front door opened. Lisa was there, holding Kellan in her arms, smiling, looking relaxed and gorgeous. Kellan was still half-asleep and was rubbing his eyes. The moment he saw Michael, he squealed in delight.

“Dadee!”

Lisa laughed, and Michael quickly jogged up the stairs to the patio. He opened his arms.

End.

Chapter song