Orpheus | Installment Nine – Fragmenting

“Sometimes the prophet sees the image of Glory
in the midst of cloud;
but the angel-messenger is invisible
because the angelic fire is too pure for one to see.
When one sees the fire flaming
up from the distance
one is only seeing the smoke that
surrounds it.
Moreover the angel asks:
What do you see?”

– Ronald Johnson, “Beams 21,22,23: The Song of Orpheus”, 1996

Fragmenting

“You know how sometimes you tell yourself that you have a choice, but really you don’t have a choice? Just because there are alternatives doesn’t mean they apply to you.”
― Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

Sweat. And heat.

But also breathless whispers, words – emotions becoming language, secrets that could not be expressed outside those four walls. All too disconnected. Yet, all too raw at the same time.

Mike sat back on his calves at the center of the bed, over the simple, clean white sheets. He was naked and sweaty. Lisa was astride him, legs open, her back adhering to his chest. She, too, was naked and breathless.

His arm was wrapped tightly around her torso, his forearm over her breasts, holding her in place as he kissed her neck, licked her salty skin. Intoxicating. Sensory explosion – takeoff, overload. His other hand was in between her legs, caressing her.

“I need to feel you, Mike… All of you…”

She joined him, their fingers interlacing and she guided his hand further down, pressing it against her burning hot flesh.

Wetness. He closed his eyes and his head fell back, and she let go of his hand. Slightly rising onto her knees, she reached down again and found him – more than ready. She held him, stroked him slowly and firmly, her fingers barely reaching around. He was so gorgeous. She shivered. His moans in her ear, his breath uneven and short. So seductive – he had no idea what he did to her. He had no idea of his power.

There were no rational thoughts left, only experience. Their bodies spoke what the mind could not comprehend. The Ninetieth-century mirror right above the headboard reflected the intensity of their passion, of their connection. The old, finely decorated golden frame. The time-stained surface. Yet the reflection was so clear: they were there, in what had become their sanctuary, at the Carpe Librum, and also somewhere else at the same time.

Lisa could almost feel him inside of her, but needed to have him this way, first. Silently telling him that touching him, holding him, pleasuring him in every possible way, was essential to her. It was something she needed. She needed all of him, and by feeling him, she had him.

She held him tighter and his hips pushed upward. He glided in her hand, slowly moving back and forth. She could feel his erratic heartbeat in their skin on skin contact. She could hear his soft moans, his deep voice. He was burning. Finally, he managed to open his eyes and stared at the reflection in the mirror. A schism and a fusion at the same time: they were who they were and someone else at the same time. The couple on the bed, the couple in the mirror.

“Look at us…” Mike’s lips were against her ear. His eyes were smoldering hot. “Lisa, open your eyes. Watch…”

She whimpered. While moving in her touch, he was stimulating her as well. It took her all the willpower she had, to do what he asked. Her eyes opened and the blue of her irises startled him. He licked his lips and touched her chin, turning her face, needing to kiss her, explore that mouth he loved so much. Their tongues met slowly, in a dance that knew no time or space.

Hours earlier, when they had arrived at the Carpe Librum, the darkness was already holding the city captive. By pure chance, they had found out that the library was never open during the day – only at night. In the main hall, her tiny body as straight as a rope, Miss Oshi had looked as if she had been waiting for them and had smiled.

“Staying for the night?”

Her tone was cordial, polite. Honest.

“We’d love to… if it’s not a problem for you…”

Mike had held Lisa’s hand tighter, suddenly afraid that the old lady would rebuff them, send them their own merry way. But no – she had not.

“Not a problem at all. In fact, I’m glad you guys are back. Your room is ready. You know how to get there, right?” She had paused, her eyes smiling and inquisitive at the same time. “You remember, don’t you?”

“What?” Lisa had asked.

“How to get to your room.” Miss Oshi’s gaze had softened. Her voice had dropped. “You remember…”

Oh yes, they did. And the moment the door closed behind their backs, they were joined in a hug, needing the physical contact to exorcise something that had no name, but was scary enough to push them both down to Level 1 once again. And quickly.

They hadn’t spoken much, as the undertrain took them to their destination. The tension too high to allow any deep conversation. Yet again, Lisa knew that Mike’s mood was not at its best. Neither was hers. For the whole day she had gone through the motions, in her office, suddenly just vaguely interested in what her clients had to tell her. Their words trivial, meaningless. She had felt more and more detached from the reality surrounding her – as if she was the victim of some infectious disease, her mind clouded and feverish.

What the hell was this? Maybe people weren’t wrong when they said that feelings had to be kept in check. Having to depend on someone this much, on his body, on his voice, on his eyes, made living the rest of her life almost impossible. And yet she couldn’t wait to get another hit of her favorite drug. Unless – well, unless Mike Jackson was so much more than that.

Seeing him again after a whole day away from him had unleashed that familiar thrill. The clockwork bomb in the pit of her stomach was ready to explode once again. She had seen the same reaction in him. It was all in his eyes, dark and deep like black holes. Dusky starry skies, ready to suck her in. And Lisa was his most willing prisoner – body and soul. He was her Big Bang.

On the train, on their way down, once again they had not been able to sit next to each other, but they had kept eye-contact for the whole time. Not for a second Mike had lost sight of her. And at one point Lisa had realized that they were already making love with their eyes and minds. Replaying again and again what had meant to go way over the edge the night before. They anticipated doing it one more time. Love was indeed the most powerful drive anyone could experience. The biggest motivation that pushed people forward.

And now here they were, watching their own reflection in the mirror.

It was incredible how every detail looked enhanced. Their sparkling skins, their eyes glossy, glazed over with pleasure – and yet what they were doing was still nothing but foreplay.

Lisa stroked him once again, and this time his moan was accompanied by his teeth gently biting down on the soft flesh of her shoulder. His warm hand cradled her breasts, first one, then the other, while she still rode his other hand.

“Lisa… Don’t let me fall…”

Lisa swallowed, understanding.

Slowly, Mike stopped rocking against her hand and stood still. And she rose onto her knees further, allowing him to guide himself inside of her. Albeit slow, the impact took their breath away. Their bodies fit like two pieces of the same puzzle, and yet Lisa wondered how her small frame could manage to accommodate his size. He was magnificent – his perfection not only physical but also enhanced by his generosity, attentiveness, ability to be so completely in tune with her. She held her breath for a few seconds, then finally exhaled and felt her body welcoming him home.

Home.

“Watch us…” He panted as their eyes met in the mirror. His hand moved upward gently and rested on her lower belly. He felt the flinching of her muscles underneath his palm and swallowed. “God… can you see how beautiful you are? You’re gorgeous… And you’re all mine…”

Lisa’s eyes fluttered closed. His words touched her and her hand reached back, her fingers tangling in his hair. The contact not enough, never enough. She turned her face once again and kissed him, but their eyes stayed locked in the mirror. She watched and experienced at the same time. She observed the way her hips moved, the way he slid into her and filled her, the way her pelvis reacted to his motions, accompanying them, completing them. There was something so ancient and primal in how they moved together. Seeing it from the outside for the first time startled her. A sudden sense of dissociation hit her so powerfully that she caught her breath.

She spoke against his lips, in short gasps, as his thrusts picked up speed and became sharper, as his hands closed on her waist, holding her in place.

“Mike…”

“Yeah… oh yeah, baby…”

“Mike… What do you see?”

She saw him blink. His pace slowed down slightly, as if he was suddenly feeling insecure. Or stunned by something, caught by surprise. Then his eyes closed for a moment and his hand slid from her hip up to her breast, covering it, fondling it. Finally, his eyelids half-opened.

“I see the woman I love…”

Lisa stared at him. He was being honest, but she could also tell he was withholding something from her. Out of fear? Out of… what, exactly? She didn’t have time to really think about it, because the next thing he did was push her forward slightly. Without leaving the hot sheath of her body, he urged her on her hands and knees. He straightened his back and held her by the hips, then surged forward and stayed there, perfectly still for a moment. Lisa bit her lips and moaned, her body pushing back and against him. They had extensively experienced that position the night before, they knew that the level of trust and intimacy it required was intense. And the reward so incredibly satisfying.

“Don’t look away… Don’t… Don’t stop watching…”

His voice sounded hoarse, telling her that he was affected. By what, she would find out soon. She lifted her head as he started to move again, his strokes deep and powerful, his rhythm still somewhat slow. How could she make out the rationale to interpret what was going on with them, if physical and emotional pleasure kept washing through her like waves crashing against a cliff?

Then it suddenly hit her. She and Mike, they had different ways of connecting, of experiencing this, and he needed more. He needed to lose himself completely. He was a man of feelings and sensations and knew very well how to separate ratiocination from what only needed to be felt deep inside. And maybe… maybe she could follow him into the path leading to the true nature of reality. Whatever that was.

She felt his hands slid on her sweaty back as he moved into her. Their eyes were still locked and his looked remote, lost and present at the same time. As if he was there but also someplace else. His faraway gaze created a perfect contrast with the intensity of his movements, of the absolute presence of his body against hers, into hers.

“Oh fuck, Mike… I love you so much… shit…”

The pleasure dangerously mixing with pain made her wince. She knew how he operated and yet could not predict what he would do next. When he surged forward again with a loud moan, she was tilted off her axis both emotionally and physically. She fell forward, on her elbows, her ass jutting out, and he followed her. His hands came to rest on both sides of her body and he rose onto his arms.

“Keep going, baby…”

She wasn’t even sure he had heard her. His stomach, flat and hard as wood, connected with her back and their sweaty skins allowed the gliding movements pushing them both further closer to ecstasy.

“Lisa… Lise…”

His ragged breath touched her sensitive nerve endings just as much as his manhood. When his thrusts became even harder, sharper, she squeezed her eyes shut and the fluttering in her stomach quickly turned into a tornado. Whimpering, crying out, she came violently and he didn’t ease up – allowing her to feel it all instead. It was then, in the darkness of her closed eyelids, that the flashes assaulted her once again.

At first it was just the wind whistling. Soft breeze blowing through the trees over a vast ranch. A place she had never seen and was sure could not exist anymore. A part of Lisa stayed tethered to the vision, the other clung to the reality of Mike’s body holding her, nurturing her, loving her. She willed herself not to be afraid – to just go with it.

“Don’t stop… Whatever happens, don’t you stop, Mike…”

It was the last thing she said to him while she slipped away. She didn’t open her eyes, but the feeling of him kissing the top of her head, her temple, whispering her name in her ear told her that he was right there with her.

The wind ran through the leaves of a huge tree and, in her vision, Lisa looked up. It was a sunny day and she squinted her eyes. She distinctly felt her back leaning against the trunk. And just as distinctly she felt his presence. Flash – and she was staring into his eyes. Mike. Slightly older, looking slightly different. His hair longer. He was smiling at her, and his hand touched her face.

“Kiss me again, girl,” he murmured. His voice was lost in the whirlwind of time and space.

Then she found herself back into the moment. In the bed, in the room, at the library, on Level 1. Mike’s movements had slowed down and, from her position, she could no longer see their reflection in the mirror. She turned her head and kissed his forearm. She closed her hand around his wrist and tried to control her pleasure. It was an almost impossible task. He was panting against her hair and rested his body on top of hers, kissing the nape of her neck. Slow, gentle, open-mouthed kisses. Lisa shivered.

She was at his mercy and trusted him completely, implicitly. When he rolled on the side and took her with him, his penis still solidly encased in her body, she let him. His fingers skimmed down the valleys, hills and plains of her ribcage, waist, hip, thigh. Gently, he nudged her legs open with his knee.

“I love you so fucking much…” And just like that, he began to move into her again. He was hard – scorching hot. His lips touched her shoulder. “I burn for you, Princess…”

As her body relaxed under his touch, her mind reeled once again. She was only faintly aware of the moan escaping her lips as her closed eyes started seeing what did not exist in the real world.

Laughter. Words of love whispered in the darkness of the night. Mike’s eyes smiling at her as she clung to him on a Ferris wheel.

“Don’t be scared… It’s not dangerous.”

“I’m not scared.”

“No?” His eyes kept smiling. Lisa felt the soft fabric of his red shirt underneath her fingers. No, she wasn’t scared at all. But she loved being so close to him. She tilted her head up and they kissed.

“This is magic, Lisa. Magic!”

Back to reality, but only for a moment. Enough to climax again, the pleasure almost unbearable. Mike’s voice in the here and now.

“Fuck… Lise… I’m not sure I can… Shit… It’s too much…”

It’s OK, she wanted to tell him. You can let go. It’s OK to let go sometimes. But she couldn’t speak. She was back to that other place, to that other time.

Screams. Someone was crying. It was her. It was him. Both desperate. The emotional distance growing between the two of them was so painful to become almost palpable.

“I never said I wanted to go ahead with this.” Her voice broke.

“But you did.” She knew that he was struggling so hard to keep some form of self-control. She also knew that he was about to crack. “You went ahead.”

“I didn’t know… I didn’t… I had told them to wait… Asked them to not send those papers, to…” She couldn’t even put the words together, let alone her thoughts. Somehow, she was as stunned as he was. Shocked by their sudden fall from grace. And just as hurt. This was not what was supposed to happen. This was not them.

“I don’t care. You went ahead. You made your choice. It’s done.”

He set his jaw and she saw him. Once again – he was older. His hair shorter. Sitting on a couch, his hands clasped under his chin, struggling so hard to keep his composure. His body as tense as a violin string. How many years had passed? What was she looking at? Who was this man? And yet she knew. The part of her anchored to her vision knew. It was Mike, and he was her husband. He also wouldn’t be much longer.

And she knew what she wanted to tell him. Please, don’t say that you don’t care. Because I do. I care so much. I just don’t know how to do this, how to maneuver myself through this mess. But I need you. I love you – so much. And I have no idea how I’m going to survive without you.

She was aware that she was just a distant observer in her vision and could not change what had happened. Her subjective point of view was nothing but a decoy. She had no power over what was happening, over what she saw and she heard. In her vision, Mike was right. It was done. It could not be changed. Not anymore.

Back to the present, the tears came. Lisa’s eyes watered and her vision blurred. Mike sensed it and tilted her face to him. He stood perfectly still, breathless, waiting for her to look at him. When she did, from the look in his eyes she could tell that he knew exactly what was going on. And that it was shocking for him, too.

“Are you… there with me?” Her voice was on the verge of breaking. “Are we together in this?”

“Yeah…”

He swallowed. His eyes, too, were misty.

“What is it? What’s this, Mike?” She almost begged him. “What the hell is going on?”

He shook his head.

“I don’t know… but it’s us.”

His body, gifted with some fantastic free will, reacted in complete autonomy and Lisa felt him twitch and throb inside her body. He managed to withdraw from her, and she turned to him fully, framing his face with both hands. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but words failed her.

“I’m here… We’re here now… We’re fine…” He whispered, guessing her thoughts. “Don’t worry… We got this…”

Lisa kissed him. She slowly pulled him on top of her, her thighs parting for him. She needed him inside again and he slid in wordlessly, one hand grabbing her leg, wrapping it around his waist, the other caressing her face gently. Eye contact. Explosion.

“I gotta move, baby… I gotta do it… I gotta see…”

“Yeah… I know… Oh, baby. I love you. Please, believe me when I say that…” She held onto the back of his neck. “…I love you.”

She exhaled. For a moment, the visions stopped and she simply enjoyed his weight on her body, the complete skin-to-skin contact that the most commonly used position in the world guaranteed. The most intimate, too. When he started thrusting deeply into her again, the friction about threw them both off-track. Mike set his jaw and pushed up, creating space between their bodies as he kept moving skillfully. Teasing her by entering her just slightly, then thrusting just halfway in and retracting again. Lisa moaned and scratched his back, arching her torso toward him. His mouth on her breasts and she shuddered, and all the while he withdrew entirely with a low moan, only stroking her gently on the outside, sliding against her soft, moist flesh. With her eyes still closed, Lisa reached down and grabbed his steel, stroking it, rubbing it against her core.

“Oh, fuck… Lise… Careful…”

Her body started to tremble and she could not control herself anymore. She let go of him, and he immediately surged forward, entering her fully. She was so tight that he flinched, then lowered himself and they kissed. They burned.

“Take me. Fuck me.”

Her whisper against his lips was what snapped the last inch of control Mike was so desperately holding on to. Her tears had stunned him, both in their vision and in their present. He had felt his own anguish – and his rage, disappointment, pure desperation back then. He had seen her, in those flashes. Looking different. Knowing well that it was her, but also aware of the different place that she occupied in his life: in that mirage, Lisa was his wife. The place she filled in his heart was always the same: he loved her now and he loved her in that vision. What the hell was going on? It was terrifying, glaringly vivid. The only thing he could do was clutch to the only reality he knew – that of her body. Although he knew that their bodies were the central hub for those disturbing visions.

Lifting his torso, keeping part of his weight off her, locking eyes with her, he took control of their lovemaking. The depth of penetration. The speed of his thrusting. He felt her body surrender to him and the sensation was exhilarating. Everything was a contradiction in the making. She trusted him with everything she was, with everything she had. He knew he couldn’t hold off his pleasure any longer, but it was OK. It was time to let go.

And when he did and she started to come with him, the visions assaulted them once again. As he spilled into her and she clenched down on him and cried out, it was like watching a movie playing in fast forward, then rewinding, then fast-forwarding again. Back and forth. Lights, voices, faces, places, feelings.

Passion, lust, enticement, exhilaration, desire, hope, trust, communion. And then emotional distance, loneliness, rage, disappointment, desperation, confusion, jealousy, longing. But more than everything else, love. Always, always love. His love for her, her love for him – always there, always present, even when the walls of detachment and feigned disinterest or indifference were high and thick. The love was there. Always had been. Only – what did always mean? At all times in the past? Or forever?

Their moans, heavy breathing and whimpers filled the silence of the room for what felt like forever. The pleasure mixing with those remembrances that didn’t belong to them and yet felt somehow familiar. They were shackled to them and there would be no escape.

Afterward, Mike just collapsed over her body and when he tried to pull back, Lisa did what he knew she would do. She locked her legs around his waist and wrapped her arms around his torso, holding onto him. That word, whispered in his ear, was familiar and comforting. One single word that meant everything to him.

“Stay.”

Despite the barrage of emotions still assaulting him, he smiled, kissing the sweaty skin of her neck. Feeling close and connected to her like he had never felt before. Because now he knew, they were in this together.

“OK…”

He felt her body tremble and caressed her thoroughly, kissing her again. And again. When Lisa started to sob, he just kept holding her.

She was draped over his chest, her chin resting on the back of her hand, her blue eyes staring at him. Mike was unable to guess what lay beneath those sapphire irises, but knew they looked intensely sad and serene at the same time. He felt the same way.

“I don’t believe in coincidences, Lisa… Science tells me that everything is connected, and almost nothing is casual.”

He spoke while playing with a strand of her hair.

“I know.”

Lisa kissed his chest.

“So… I guess we can face this thing in two ways. Either we stop here and now, or we try to find out what’s going on.”

She stayed quiet. Her eyes lowered for a moment, then she looked up again. She and Mike had spoken about what they had seen while they were making love. There was not a shred of doubt they had witnessed the same exact scenes, each from their respective, subjective point of view.

“Besides, there’s something else I need to tell you…”

His voice was deep and hoarse from the intensity of their lovemaking. Lisa inhaled a deep breath, her silence urging him on.

“I bumped into Maddix today, at work. And… he asked me his usual question. The one about my ethnic heritage. He does that when he feels out of control, you know that… It keeps him grounded.”

Lisa just nodded her head.

“Well…” His brow furrowed. “I replied by saying things that I had never said in my life. Not because they were a secret, but because it’s stuff I don’t know. Even now, I wonder if I just fabricated them and something in my brain is just not working, or…” His voice drifted off.

“What things, Mike? What did you say to him?”

“Look, the point is – I don’t know much about my heritage. Nobody coming from the lower levels does. During the 2122 wildfires, that part of the city was basically burned to the ground, most of the files were destroyed, and through the years people have forgotten about specifics. From generation to generation, some details simply got lost. Plus, I was still a kid when my parents died, so… I’ve always…” It was clear that he was trying so hard to make sense of his thoughts. “You know, I’ve always given the same standard answer. To the point that I knew it by heart, I didn’t even have to think about it. I would just say the words… always the same singsong. And especially with Maddix, ‘cause he asks me about that shit over and over again… It’s just who he is.”

“And why was it different today?”

“Because I mentioned stuff I wasn’t even aware of…. Places… Tribes… I just blurted it all out and then my head started to hurt so much I had to stop talking. I had to stop thinking… and it all came back to me just now. I remember that at one point I even mentioned my mother’s great-grandmother, which doesn’t make any sense, since my mom was an orphan and she had no idea who her parents were.”

They stared at each other, letting the information sink in for a moment.

“And then there’s everything else…” Lisa murmured. “Our connection. The visions. The dreams. The familiarity we seem to experience whenever we’re close…” She paused, staring into space. Then her eyes turned scared. “Mike… do you think… do you believe what we feel is just… “

He prevented her from saying what he knew would come next by shifting and framing her face with both hands.

“No. No. Don’t even think about it. I have no idea what the fuck is going on here, but I sure as hell know how I feel. I might not know who I am anymore, but I do know that I love you. Whoever I am, I am in love with you.”

Lisa’s eyes turned glossy.

“OK?” He shifted again, turning to the side, his face coming closer to hers. “Lise…”

She just nodded her head, even though the internal struggle going on inside of her was obvious.

“And I love you. If you ever believe something, please believe that.”

Mike sat up and pulled her closer, held her tight. Once again sitting in his lap, she wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her face on his shoulder.

“I know us making love means being subjected to this. But…” She gently kissed his naked skin. “I don’t wanna stop being with you… seeing you… or loving you because of that.”

“Then, you know what we gotta do…”

“We gotta find out what’s going on. Yes, I know… Are you OK with that?”

He pulled back just enough to find her eyes.

“I am. In fact, I wanna know everything about it. Lise… there’s nothing we can’t face if we’re together. I know I’m a strong person. You are, too. And whatever this is, it brought me to you, so… it can’t be that bad, right?”

His crooked smirk forced a smile out of her. In a moment when all she felt was an intense fear of the unknown, he was somehow able to lighten the mood just a little bit. Oh yes, Mike was a brave man. He was strong, and his softness didn’t have anything to do with weakness of character. There was not a weak inch in Mike Jackson. It was just not in him.

“Plus, it’s ours. I mean… this thing we keep experiencing, I’m convinced it’s part of who we are. I am sure it’s not something that happens to everyone, and I don’t think it would be fair if we decided to ignore it.”

“Really, Mike?” Her eyes still sad, she reached out and cradled his face in her hand. “Even if we wanted to… how could we even ignore it, at this point?”

She had a point. It was simply too much. Both in quantity and intensity.

She leaned over and kissed his lips, very sweetly.

“You know what? Maybe we’re just old souls, and we found each other again in this lifetime… Maybe it’s as simple as that.”

He doubted it. He didn’t believe in that stuff. But he was glad that Lisa seemed to be finally coming around. The level of shock, of sheer terror he had seen painted on her face earlier had scared him to death.

“You’re right. Maybe it’s as simple as that, Princess…”

She backed off once again and stared at him, inquisitively.

“By the way… why do you call me that? Where does that come from?”

His eyebrows sprung up.

“I don’t know… it’s just… It comes natural to me. Why?”

“Because it’s a trigger, Mike.” She sighed. “That word… Princess… is one of my triggers.”

Later that night, Mike put his pants and t-shirt on and ventured out of the bedroom and to the cafeteria. He and Lisa were thirsty, and starving. The entire library was enveloped in silence, but he spotted several people sitting at the tables, reading books, flipping through the pages of old magazines. He smirked to himself. This place really was extraordinary, and he wondered why he had never heard of it despite having a good grasp of the mechanisms that ruled the city.

In the cafeteria, Miss Oshi was sitting on a high bar stool behind the counter. She was engrossed reading a huge volume. The moment Mike stepped into the room, she looked up at him and smiled.

“Hello, Mike Jackson.”

“Good evening, Miss Oshi… Is the bar open?”

He was slightly embarrassed because it was apparent, from the way he looked, that he and Lisa had not been playing chess up until that point. However, Miss Oshi seemed unfazed by his crumpled appearance – hair loosely tied in a ponytail, eyes reddened and high, shirt crumpled.

“The bar is always open. What can I get you?”

Mike scratched his head and sat across the bar counter, rubbing his hands over his face. He was utterly exhausted. But so sated. And certainly not in the mood for sleep.

“Well, some water would be great. Thank you, Ma’am…”

“You guys hungry, too?” She threw him a mischievous glance and grinned. “I bet you are…”

He felt his cheeks and ears go up in flames.

“Yes, a tiny bit, actually…”

“Well, I do have some sandwiches here… sounds good?”

“Sounds perfect. Thanks again, Miss Oshi.”

The old lady placed a glass of water in front of him and he gulped it down. He felt like he had walked through the desert. Quietly, he observed the woman set up a tray with a pitcher, two glasses and a plate with several sandwiches.

When she spoke again, her tone was back at being serious.

“Are you and Lisa OK, Mike?”

“Yeah… We’re just… We have been trying to figure a few things out.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

Once again, she sat across the desk and sipped her red wine from a decanter.

“No, it’s not about us. I mean…” Gosh. How could he explain this craziness? “It is about us, but… I just don’t know how to put it into words.”

“It’s because of the visions, right?”

Her words stunned him because they were so completely unexpected. Not only he was startled because she had said them, but also because of the tone that he had detected in her voice. Calm, collected, possibly a bit resigned. Mike had always had a feeling that the woman running the Carpe Librum knew way more than it appeared. And it looked like she knew quite a lot. But this – this was utterly unforeseen and he blushed, suddenly afraid that Miss Oshi could see what he and Lisa had been seeing. Or doing.

She seemed to guess his thoughts.

“No, no. Don’t worry. I don’t know what your visions are about. I can’t see them. I just know you’ve been having them. That’s why you keep coming here.”

“Is it something about this place? Does this place create those images?”

Miss Oshi smiled, very softly.

“No, dear. It doesn’t create anything but a bit of culture. This place isn’t supernatural. It’s just disconnected, which means that it’s out of this world in some ways. And sometimes, it allows people to get more in tune with who they really are.”

Mike studied her for a moment, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“What is it, that you know about Lisa and me, Ma’am?”

Miss Oshi shrugged.

“Not much. You just remind me of someone that I used to know… sort of.”

“Who?”

“It doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago. They are gone now.” Her eyes grew melancholic. “Like many other things… and many other people.”

Missing things. Missing people. Missing information. In Mike’s mind, it all seemed strangely connected. It was partly rational and partly a gut feeling. But when he focused on something, he was like a wolf and followed the traces until he found what he was looking for.

“Well… Lisa and I just are trying to figure out what’s happening to us. And honestly, it looks like you know a lot of stuff. If anything, almost every information can be found here, so maybe…”

“You’re generous, thank you. Sadly, it’s not that simple.”

“Well, you said this place is the real black market, so…”

“That’s correct. But it’s not the biggest one. That’s down on Level 0, not here.”

He had to sneer.

“Looks like the most important stuff is hidden in the last place on Earth people wanna go to.”

“That’s right, because it’s dangerous. Both Level 0 and information are. They have that in common.”

Mike was getting more and more guarded. Suspicious.

“Why are there missing pages in the magazines, in our room? What about those?”

“Well, this is a much easier question. Some of our books and magazines aren’t complete because they originally included articles and essays about subjects that are part of the forsaken list.”

“And let me guess. The complete version is…”

“On Level 0, yes. Possibly.”

“Then I suppose we’ll have to go down there and check for ourselves.”

“It’s not that easy, Mike. Nobody should go to the basement carelessly, or unsupervised, or without inadequate support. It is extremely dangerous. Whatever the media say about what’s going on down there, believe me… it’s much worse.”

“Then I’ll have to go alone. I don’t want to put Lisa in danger.”

Miss Oshi pursed her lips and stared at the ruby liquid in her glass.

“I want to tell you a story, Mike. Have you ever heard about the Lord of Silence?”

“No…”

She took a deep breath. Her eyebrows sprung up.

“OK… The legend says that King Solomon devoted much of his life to the study of magical arts, and that he used to surround himself with a multitude of thinkers and philosophers. He always had the same question for them: what’s the meaning of life? Sadly, he couldn’t find an answer able to satisfy him. Until he met Uskebasi, a wandering wise man coming from the Far East. There was something about him that intrigued King Salomon, especially because Uskebasi allegedly rose a huge white rabbit… which I personally consider the allegorical representation of human knowledge, but I digress…”

Mike stared at her, unable to stop listening to her words. There was something so soothing about Miss Oshi’s voice. So utterly comforting. And she was a great storyteller.

“Anyway… King Solomon asked Uskebasi what he believed the meaning of life was. And, to give the king a proper answer, the sage retired in complete solitude for thirty years. For thirty years, Uskebasi didn’t speak to anyone. Never said a word. Eventually he found his answer, but the truth was… so terrible and overwhelming that he decided not to reveal it to anyone, because it would lead men to insanity. Instead, he wrote about his findings in a tome and hid it, so that nobody could ever find it. And then he disappeared and was never heard from again…”

“Uskebasi?”

“Yes. No-one ever saw him anymore, even though – according to the myth – he kept riding throughout the world in that state of immortality that the gods had granted him for his wisdom. He is known as the Lord of Silence. The old legend says that, if a man reads Uskebasi’s book, he will die an insane death… caused by the shock of learning the truth about human existence. So, my friend, the bottom line is… are you willing to take the risks that come with learning the truth?”

“I think I want to know the truth, yes.” Mike pondered over his words. “I know something is missing, and I feel it’s important. Whatever is going on with Lisa and me, is getting worse… and the lower we go, the more we seem to discover. So please, please Miss Oshi, if there’s something you know about us, just tell me.”

Her eyes became sweet and maternal, and she covered his hand with her own, old and fragile.

“I did tell you what I know. But at this point in time, I cannot give you any more information. I can’t and I will not condition your perception of things. But I will tell you this, Mike: if you believe that what you and Lisa have is more profound than it seems, trying to find out more about it is probably the right thing to do. And if I can, I will help you.”

Mike held her hand, very gently, feeling how thin and delicate it was.

“Would you help me… or help us… going down there? To the black market on Level 0? Would you, Ma’am?”

Miss Oshi’s internal struggle was evident. Then it looked like a sudden peace had invaded her. She covered Mike’s hands with her free hand.

“Yes, dear. If you want, I will.”

Soundtrack