Orpheus | Installment Fifteen – Severing

“These were the strokes we praised, weren’t they,
the butterfly and the crawl, the lullabies
we crooned on the first warm day of summer
in honor of the non-swimmers, Crane and Berryman,
in honor of Orpheus whose butchered head
is forever singing above the choppy waves.”

– The Swimmer, by Edward Hirsch, 2005

Severing

“When you want to know how things really work, study them when they’re coming apart”.
– William Gibson, Zero History

She had worked so hard and had invested so much time and money to find the perfect biosamples for the task.

It hadn’t been easy. Whoever still owned memorabilia that had once belonged to the people included in the forsaken list was not willing to let go. In every corner of the world, they preferred to hide their collectibles and take the risk of being arrested. They knew that the items in their possession were precious on so many levels. High-level collecting involved some degree of insanity, there was no doubt about that. Not even she was immune, after all.

As she watched the man asleep in the hospital bed, Sydney thought about how it had all started with an old, sweaty t-shirt. She still remembered how much it had cost her, to purchase it. How long the process had taken. The previous owner simply didn’t want to sell it, saying that he was too “attached” to it. Of course, all that attachment hadn’t mattered anymore when Sydney had told him how much she was willing to pay.

And so, she had found the source of the biosamples that she needed and had started the cloning process of who once had been Mister Michael Joseph Jackson. An old, crumpled white t-shirt stained with sweat. She knew that he had worn it during one of his shows, in the second half of the Nineties. She also knew that, in terms of composition, human perspiration was nothing but water, minerals like potassium, magnesium, sodium, and that it technically didn’t contain any human cells, hence no DNA. However, she had been lucky and had found cellular material in the shirt. Nothing but skin cells that everyone shed even while stationary, let alone during a labor-intensive activity like a live show.

Sydney had Michael’s DNA. And Lisa Marie’s, too.

With Lisa, it had been way easier. Sydney had managed to purchase a letter that she had written to Michael at some point after 2009. Of course, it was a letter that Lisa had never sent, and that was still in her possession when she had died of old age. But that simple, worn-out, handwritten message was a treasure trove of biological information. Lisa had been generous and had left her DNA in so many different forms. Through the kiss that she had placed on the paper. By touching the letter. With her tears. She had been the easier one of the two, to “resurrect.”

After collecting the DNA, Project Orpheus – which was secret, but only because it was Sydney’s, and therefore private – had officially started. She had decided to recreate both Lisa and Mike at the best of their mental and physical form. She had reduced their age gap from about ten years to three. She had limited or completely erased some of the countless physical and emotional traumas that their originals had endured – no burns for Michael, no lost father for Lisa, just to name a few – because she had analytically discarded every disturbance that she believed could compromise the project. She had avoided polluting both Lisa’s and Mike’s minds with anything that could somehow interfere with the happy outcome she had planned for them.

Wasn’t Sydney merciful?

She really had wanted to give them the best shot at love. That love she had never experienced personally. She had never been attracted to anyone. She had never been interested in sex, nor had she ever had any intimate relationships with anybody. It had all changed since Lisa and Mike had become part of her world.

Yes, it had been a costly process, to replicate them both in such detail and perfection. She had been forced to sell some valuable assets belonging to her family, but it had been worth it. At one point, she also had been forced to rely on a couple of her most trusted business partners for some extra financial help. They had been happy to invest in her “research program” that could revolutionize the entire industry.

Some of them, perverts like Jon, were already salivating at the idea of creating clones that were as perfect as ordinary human beings, and not beautiful flesh puppets with a brain like Swiss cheese, like in the past. Confused, lost, perpetually unhappy, unable to understand why they were alive at all.

Sydney would never tell Mike that, the night of the party, Jon had followed him and Lisa outside and released his inner voyeur just because he felt he had a right to ask something in return for his investment. After that event, Sydney had paid Jon back in full, just like she had done with the other associates who had put their money into Project Orpheus without even knowing exactly what it was. She was now the only one owning both Lisa and Mike. The only investor. The only possessor. Her golden couple wouldn’t have to be subjected to any scrutiny any longer.

She was not like those disgusting men. Racist, prejudiced, perverted, obsessed. She was different. She was a better person.

“You are fucking crazy…”

Mike’s words sounded slurred. He was barely awake, yet the mere sound of his voice made Sydney smile from ear to ear.

“Hello, dear. How do you feel?”

He winced and touched his forehead. His eyes closed again.

She was not sure that he was fully awake yet. He seemed to keep dozing off. It was normal. That seizure had been massive and, although Mike had not sustained any damage from a medical point of view, his body was still recovering.

As she stared at him, sitting on a chair next to his bed, Sydney remembered how ecstatic she had felt when the cloning process was finally completed. When both Lisa and Mike were there in flesh and bones, each in their respective incubator. Naked, perfect from head to toe. So gorgeous. Two irresistible sleeping beauties.

Irresistible to the point that one night, while they were still kept in what was called their frozen state, Sydney had put on a sterile glove and had touched them both, through the porthole on the lid. She had caressed their warm, unconscious bodies. She had felt the life vibrate in their veins and heartbeats. And, for the first time in her life, she had experienced what she believed was pure and undiluted desire. Sexual arousal. It had been disconcerting, but too fulfilling and exhilarating to be tossed aside or ignored.

For many nights, she had done the same thing over and over again. And a part of her had been sad when Lisa and Mike were delivered to their respective homes and finally activated. Convinced that they had been living for years when, in fact, their cloning process had only ended a few weeks earlier. It was all planned to protect them. Not to trick them. Sydney was sorry that Mike couldn’t understand that.

“You must be out of your ever-loving mind… where the hell am I…”

Oh, good. He was waking up again. Sounding like someone who had too much to drink, but Sydney knew it was just fatigue. And – well, maybe that massive dose of Heptatheosine was working, too. After all, it was the most evolved version of what was once called Demerol. Hallucinations, dizziness, confusion, drowsiness and headache were nasty side effects, but very useful in this case. Since Sydney would need Mike’s cooperation to do what she had planned to do next. He would have to be more pliable whether he liked it or not.

“Shush. It’s OK. You passed out. But it’s all good now, Mike.” She reached out, a bit hesitantly at first, and touched his head. She stroked his hair. It felt so soft. Her heartbeat started to race. It was so amazing to touch him again. “I’m here. It’s all good. I’m taking care of you…”

He rolled his head from side to side and frowned.

“I gotta go. Shit… You gotta let me go, Sydney…” A pause. His eyes still closed. “Where are the rings?”

The rings. That was all he had in mind. Stubborn man. And he still wanted to leave!

“They’re in a safe place, Mike. Don’t worry. I have them. I’ll give them back to you as soon as you get better.”

His eyes half-opened and the darkness swirling in them pulled her in. He looked pensive. And more overtly distrustful.

“How do you know what Lisa and I have been doing?” He set his jaw, and she could tell he was still in pain. “How do you even manage to control us?”

Well… soon it wouldn’t matter anyway, so why should she lie? Or omit? She hated that!

“Neuronal implants. This way I can monitor, see and sometimes even experience what your senses perceive. What your minds formulate. Only the Carpe Librum and various areas on Level 0 are off limits for my technology.”

Mike just stared at her. His face showed no apparent emotion.

“It’s for your own good, Mike. It’s to keep you out of trouble.”

This time, he raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, and that ended up working out so well, didn’t it?”

“Actually, it did. You’re here. And you’re going to get better very soon. Free to do whatever you want and go wherever you please… like you have always done despite those neuronal implants… which are only there for your safety, anyway. Nobody ever wanted to trap you.”

The glare he gave her was pure ice. Sydney sighed, crossing her long, beautiful legs, but he seemed completely unfazed.

“Remember when I told you that Orpheus was a project in the making? …Mike? …Oh, you’re giving me the silent treatment now, I get it. But just follow me here, OK?”

“It’s not that I can walk out of the room,” he mumbled. His glazed-over eyes told Sydney that the powerful opioid was working just fine. It would come in handy soon.

“I’ll try to make it interesting, then. There are reasons why some items and documents related to Mister Jackson and Miss Presley were purchased. The Purgatory hides so many secrets… and it’s like a puzzle, Mike. You have to put all the pieces together to understand history. I have to admit, I was arrogant when Project Orpheus started. I thought I knew everything I needed to know about your and Lisa’s originals. I didn’t. And what I found out only recently… well, like I said, I was just trying to protect you. Because I care about you… and her.” She took a slow, deep breath. “It was so hard, for me, to accept that I have made a huge mistake.”

Mike blinked. Sydney could tell that, despite the dizziness, he was trying so hard to stay awake. And also that he was not clear-minded. He was vulnerable. He was perfect in his weakness.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

She evaluated with utmost care the words she would say next.

“I think you already know that Michael and Lisa Marie didn’t end up together. Have you ever asked yourself why?”

He swallowed and flinched.

“I don’t need to. I know. We… they… didn’t fucking have the time, Sydney. We had some… issues. What’s your deal?”

“I am just telling you that, sometimes, things are not the way they look or how you assume they are. And since you seem so hell-bent on searching for the truth and are willing to go to great lengths to do that, I am just telling you to be careful. Because what you find out might upset you.”

Mike stared at her for a moment. Despite his confusion, it was clear that he was trying to assess the seriousness and sincerity of her words. Too bad that he didn’t have the resources to do anything of that sort.

“Speak up. What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You say your memory is coming back. I don’t know to what extent. But I had the chance to analyze other files… files I had never seen before. And lately, you know… I’ve been wondering…”

“Wondering what?” His voice sounded huskier now. And there was an undercurrent of anxiety that Sydney had never heard before. It made her feel gleeful. And then guilty for feeling gleeful.

“…What I am supposed to do, now that I know the whole truth.” She reached out and took his hand. It remained cold and lifeless. She stared into his eyes. “Mike, Lisa Marie was directly involved in Michael’s death. She was one of the people that, years later, were strongly suspected to be responsible for the assassination of one of the most influencing men of his era.”

He just stood still, like a statue.

“She was able to fly under the radar for a long time because she was so believable in her sorrow, but eventually evidence was found that she had known about the whole ordeal all along. She and Michael had been together on and off for so many years, and she had come to know so much about him… And then she used that information against him. She got in touch with the people who eventually killed him. And she knew what they were planning to do. She also was handsomely paid for her services.”

“Bullshit. You’re lying.”

She was, but it didn’t matter. Not in the grand scheme of things. She held his hand tighter.

“No, Mike. I am not lying at all. Close your eyes. Try to remember. I am sure that, deep down in your heart, you know it’s true. I am sorry. I know you’re shocked. I was too when I found out. What was I supposed to do? Destroy her?”

“No! Leave her alone!” He withdrew his hand as if her skin was pure acid.

“…Destroy you both, then? I made a huge mistake. I trusted the information I had about both your originals when I started Project Orpheus. I didn’t research further. Some details were missing, but I was naive, thinking they were not important. And then…” Another dramatic sigh. “…Then it was too late. You were already born.”

Mike narrowed his eyes.

“When? When did it happen?”

“When did I find out…?”

“When were we born.” He spoke through clenched teeth, his voice strangled.

She smiled very softly and touched his hair in a maternal gesture. Admiring her work of art. He was so gorgeous. So perfect.

“You and Lisa were both born on September 1st, 2287.”

Mike grew pale instantly.

“You want me to believe we were created about eight months ago? I got ‘bout thirty years of fake memories? Are you fucking kidding me?”

For a moment, but just for a moment, she felt sorry for him. She knew this must be painful. But among many lies, their birth date was actually true. Mike and Lisa had been in a limbo, in their suspended state, for about a month – in order to make sure that their bodies and minds worked perfectly, that there was no glitch, and that their brains were incepted with the right amount and quality of information. Their pre-constructed lives.

Sydney hadn’t acted out of any sadistic streak. She knew that Lisa and Mike couldn’t start their new life with a blank mind. They needed to cling to memories related their entire existence to survive. 30 years for him, 27 years for her. It didn’t matter that they were imaginary lives. Mike and Lisa would have time to build real memories by themselves… together. Or, at least, that was what Sydney had thought before realizing that she would be iced out from the lives of the clones she had created. It was so sad that she had to resort to this, now.

“I am so sorry. I tried to protect you both from the truth, hoping you would just be content with what you have… and living your relationship for what it is now. I couldn’t imagine you would start to remember. It wasn’t supposed to happen at all. And you must understand, Mike… if Lisa remembers… if she remembers what she did to you back then… She might try to do it again. That is why I purchased those items. Some of them incriminate her. I didn’t want you to see them. But it’s a moot point anyway, right? You already know…” Her free hand touched a button on the side of his bed, and another dose of the drug was released from the IV and into Mike’s veins. “You know I have always been there for you, Mike. And you also know that… the truth always wins.”

Mike’s mind started to buzz like a hornet’s nest. The only thing he felt was that this woman right here was holding him captive in a hospital bed, and that he had tubes attached to his body. It was eerily similar to what his original had experienced. Being in pain and having to be vulnerable, to depend on people who couldn’t be trusted.

With the last ounce of energy left, he started to thrash around as if he had some terrible nightmare. And in a way, that was precisely what was happening. He tried to sit up but couldn’t, and when he tried to roll out of bed, Sydney pulled him back by the shoulder.

No! He needed to go! He needed to leave now before it was too late.

“I am sorry, Mike… Michael, I do love you. So very, very much…” Sydney’s velvety voice started to sound muffled, it became an echo in his ears. His vision blurred. “And Lisa Marie, too… I do love her, believe me. But I can’t lose you both. I can only sacrifice one. And it won’t be you.”

“Leave her alone…” It took him an immense effort to even pronounce the words. “Do not hurt her… let… let her live…” His eyelids became heavy. “Let her live.”

Sydney watched him pass out again. Her face was a calm mask, while he looked tormented, his brow was furrowed.

Well… she guessed she could do what he asked. She could let Lisa live. Just because she loved him so much. Of course, Lisa and Mike could no longer be together, but that was not Sydney’s fault. She had tried. Maybe their love story was never meant to be, after all.

She took her earpiece from her purse and put it on.

“The subject needs a new procedure. He needs to be reprogrammed.”

[Jewel++: Order recorded, boss.]

“We’ll do it tonight. We will recalibrate his memories. Please, notify Maddix Hoover. We will need him to test Mike’s monitoring query. Mr. Hoover told me that, last time he asked the subject about his DNA heritage, Mike’s answer was not the one we had planted in his mind. Mister Jackson was way too detailed about the origins of his real family, which means that he will need an in-depth backup.”

[Jewel++: Order recorded, boss. I am sending an encoded note to Doctor Hoover.]

New York Megacity, Level 2 – Three days later

He had been waiting for her.

A part of him fearing her presence, the other craving it. But his mind was detached, going in the opposite direction if compared to his heart. Yes, it was indeed wonderful when brain and soul could go together, hand in hand, but that shit only happened in movies, or books.

Mike had once thought that love, the way he had always imagined it to be, didn’t exist in his time but had a place in the past. Right now, he was not so sure anymore. He knew that he loved Lisa. He knew that he had loved her all along. But discovering what she had done, back then… what she had done to Michael, and hence to him, had shattered his dreams and expectations. Love, as a pure entity, did not exist.

In the past, Lisa Marie’s feelings had been permeated by revenge, indifference and only heaven knew what other toxic emotions. He had not been able to figure that part out. But after all, how could he? He had no longer existed back then. He had died. He was gone. Because of her, too. Because of Lisa’s poisoned feelings, because of her thirst for money and retribution. Once again, Mike had no idea why Lisa Marie had acted that way, because apparently she had no reason to. But his memories were more precise now and he was sure he would soon remember what was still missing. Just a few more little pieces, and the puzzle would finally be complete.

Yes, he did love her now too, three hundred years later. But his feelings of love were polluted with rage, disappointment, bitterness… and fear. So, once again, purity was nothing but a theoretical concept. It didn’t exist in real life. And all of a sudden, the idea of people having cybersex made so much more sense in his mind. Maybe keeping an emotional distance from your partner, relegating them to pure virtual, sexual intercourse was the best choice. Perhaps the propaganda was not wrong after all. If you kept your partners at arm’s length, they couldn’t hurt you. Not the way he had gotten hurt.

Mike looked up, at the thick branches and lush green leaves of the giant sycamore. How he had loved Silver Grounds park. How safe he had felt in its soft, protective embrace. How secure. That was the reason why he had chosen that place for his first date with Lisa. To show her, to make her feel what he needed, what he craved.

What a naive asshole he had been.

Shielded by the natural umbrella of the sycamore, he was dry despite the thin rain pouring down. His eyes moved to the dark purple sky and closed for a moment. Echoes from a distant past reverberating in his ears, blurred watercolors of long-forgotten faces swirling behind his closed eyelids.

“You did good, MJ. You made the right choice…”

The courtiers. His allies.

Allies? Or enemies living in the viscera of his empire?

“I’m so glad Lisa Marie is gone… She was so bad for you.”

Were they right? Was she?

He had survived once, without her. He could do it again. He shook his head slightly and opened his eyes.

And then he felt her, even before he saw her walk toward him, and his heart couldn’t help but take a leap in her direction. What an useless piece of flesh.

Lisa was pale and her eyes were huge. When he had called her, after three days of complete silence, she had barely managed to keep herself together. She had told him she had been worried sick. And she should be…

And right now, as she quickly moved in his direction through the fake greenery and deep green bushes, Mike saw her concern and apprehension painted on her beautiful, perfect face. She was soaking wet, the blue of her eyes so bright that he almost had to avert his gaze because it was too much to bear. But he couldn’t and just kept looking at her as she approached, strands of wet hair clinging to her face, smiling and yet on the verge of tears.

Lisa closed the gap separating her from him almost running and before he could even realize what he was doing, Mike had already opened his arms. Their bodies collided and molded together so perfectly. She held onto him as if her life depended on it, her face leaning against his chest. Blinking, he hugged her back. She shivered in his arms. Her skin felt cold, yet vibrant. Alive.

This was not working. It was like being pushed and pulled in two different directions at the same time. He shouldn’t be touching her. He just had to talk to her.

“Mike…” Lisa was breathless. She tilted her head and looked up at him, watching him for a moment, from one eye to the other. Her cold hand touched his cheek, and she swallowed. “Mike, I was so worried… You just don’t know, baby. You don’t know…”

No, he did know instead. He knew that she had tried to call him. That she had gone to the company, looking for him, while he was still in that hospital bed. She had been out of her mind when she had realized that nobody would tell her anything. She had almost caused a scene. Then she had walked all the way to his apartment but, of course, he was not there either. Sydney had told Mike everything while he underwent a complete brain reset. His memory was still fogged, and he couldn’t even remember if it had actually happened. He only knew that he had not been well, that Sydney had taken care of him and that, at one point, he had woken up remembering everything. Realizing that this woman he loved, Lisa, had caused his death so long ago. Well, technically speaking, Lisa’s original had caused the end of his original, but still…

Clones were perfect reproductions. In Lisa’s and Mike’s case, they went beyond perfection, to the point to be considered the closest thing to a resurrection. They were afterlife in this life. Being this the foundation of their whole existence, Mike just couldn’t ignore what he had suddenly remembered.

And he certainly couldn’t be with Lisa. It didn’t matter how much he loved her. He could not trust her.

“I thought I would never see you again.”

Her eyes welled up, and he cradled her face in the palm of his hand. When she reached up and pulled his head down to kiss him, he couldn’t even stop her. He knew that a part of him was only waiting for that touch, that kiss, that shared breath. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of her soft lips… one last time. That stupid bunch of flesh in his chest broke some more.

When he pulled back, his eyes were serious and pained.

“Lisa… I asked you to be here because we need to talk.”

She framed his face in her small hands, observing him with great care.

“Are you OK? You look so pale… What happened?”

Mike blinked. The sting of anguish cutting him deep inside. He would soon bleed out, and he didn’t care.

“I remembered.”

Lisa’s brow furrowed.

“Remembered what?”

“Who you are… who you were…”

She winced. She was confused.

“OK… Is it because you talked to Sydney? Remember the letter, Mike? You said you were gonna talk to her. Is that what you did? You talked to her?”

The letter…

He remembered… but only vaguely. His memories were way more explicit in other departments, and although he didn’t know how it had happened, he supposed it had something to do with touching those rings. Because after that, his mind had gone into a complete blackout for a while.

“Yes… I did talk to her, but that’s not the point.”

Had his voice always been so dark and colorless? He almost couldn’t recognize himself.

And she couldn’t either. Because it was right then that something shifted in her eyes and he knew, he knew that she knew that something was wrong. Maybe she, too, remembered what she had done to him. What she had been responsible for. He couldn’t be sure, but it was definitely an option.

“What happened?”

This time her voice sounded not only concerned, but also hesitant.

“Like I said, I remembered. I remembered what you did to me… back then.”

She squinted her eyes, confusion apparent on her face. Then she shook her head.

“You do know what I am talking about, right Lisa?” His fingers closed around her wrists, not tightly but firmly, and he pushed her hands down. Away from his face. “I know everything. You knew what was gonna happen to me… you knew they were going after me, and that they wanted to kill me. And you used the faith I had in you against me. Giving them the information they needed to… to… get to me.”

“Mike, what are you talking about?”

“Don’t deny it! You know it’s true. Say it to my face. Say that you remember just like I do. So we can get this over with.”

Lisa stared at him for what felt like forever. Her expression was excruciating and sorrowful.

“What have they done to you, Mike? What did she do?”

She saw something flicker in his eyes, but then it was gone. His dark irises once again looked empty, and her heart broke into thousands of pieces. She suddenly realized.

No, she had no idea what Mike was talking about, but one thing was clear: he had changed. The man she had known was no longer there and, if he was, he was hidden behind a wall so thick that could not be destroyed or behind a gate that had been closed shut. And right then, right there, Lisa didn’t have the key to get in. It was a terrifying, horrible realization. She was losing him. Mike Jackson was there, right in front of her, and yet he wasn’t. He wasn’t merely the stranger she had met in the elevator months earlier. He was… different.

“What did you do, Lisa?” He swallowed, and this time the pain on his face was evident. So was his disappointment. “And why? I loved you… I still do.”

“I do love you.” Ignoring the deafening sound of her heartbeat telling her, in its unmistakable Morse code, that she was witnessing their complete destruction, she managed to make her voice sound calm and gentle. “And what I do remember for sure is that I have always loved you. Not only now, but even back then. I don’t know what they did to you, but please, Mike… try to remember. Remember who we are to one another.”

Again that shadow in his eyes. Fleeting, like a vision. One moment there, and then gone.

“You say you love me. And I thought it was true. And maybe in some twisted way it is. It’s just… I can’t, Lisa. I can’t go on unless you tell me that what I remember is wrong. That you were not, in any way, shape or form, responsible for what happened to me…”

“To Michael?” She tried hard to penetrate his words.

He flinched as if she had slapped him. He pointed at himself.

“To me, to him, what’s the difference? Why does it even matter?”

Lisa reached out, trying to take his hand and he stepped back as if she was a rattlesnake.

“Don’t. Just answer my question. Can you tell me you were not part of the group of people responsible for Michael’s death?”

He was confused, she could tell. It was apparent in his words, in his constant mixing his own name and Michael’s, her name and Lisa Marie’s. Two souls lived in his body. And Lisa was not sure either of them was lucid at the moment. He looked pale, his hands shook, and a thin layer of sweat covered his forehead. He had dark circles around his eyes. During the three days that he had been away, unreachable and seemingly disappeared from the face of the Earth, Lisa had even asked for Akira’s help. But despite his resources, not even he had been able to penetrate the sophisticated security system of Electron Enterprises. Akira knew that Mike had entered the building about an hour after leaving Lisa at the Carpe Librum. But he had never left the company until three days later.

When Lisa had gone to Electron Enterprises, nobody had told her anything. Apparently, the staff hadn’t seen Mike in a few days. And when she had tried to speak to Sydney, her assistant had told her that she was with a client, out of town. The invisible walls had been erected, and Lisa had known that Mike was right. Sydney Bankmann, and maybe even someone else working at the company, was involved in the ordeal and had taken remedial action to reel Mike Jackson back in. How, Lisa didn’t know. But she agreed with Akira, who thought that Mike was in there, hidden somewhere in that tall building made of metal and glass. A structure which suddenly felt suffocating and claustrophobic, like Saturn’s embrace before he devoured his own children.

Akira had gone with Lisa up to Level 4 using a fake ID. He had been clear – he only rarely went to the upper levels because he didn’t like using counterfeit documents to physically move from dock to dock. He preferred virtual. But in this case, he was worried that Lisa wouldn’t be able to get out of the building. So he had waited for her outside, trying to figure out what the heck he would do if his worst hypothesis turned out to be true.

But Lisa had indeed reemerged from the company. Pale and shaken, but alive and sane. She had told Akira about the hostile, conniving environment she had found inside. She had told him that she, too, believed that Mike was in there somewhere. Akira had just asked her to please go back to Level 1 with him – because he wanted her to be safe, he wanted to fulfill the promise he had made. She had begged her to give him the time to figure out what was going on, so that he could assess the situation with a bit more information and they could decide what to do next. Together, as a team.

Mike had called Lisa the very next day, asking her to meet him at Silver Grounds park, under the sycamore where they had shared their first kiss. When everything felt more straightforward and way more hopeful than this. While this… this was nothing but darkness, a mute inferno ready to swallow them both. And, with them, their present and their future.

“Remember what you told me when we were here the last time? Before we kissed?”

She kept studying his face, hoping to see that old glimpse resurface once again and to be able to cling to it.

Nothing.

“You told me that if I kept going over the past, I would end up with a thousand pasts and no future. You told me that we are here now. Do you remember, Mike?”

The intensity of the resentment he felt listening to her words scared him. But even more harrowing and chilling was the feeble voice he heard inside his mind. Whispering, whispering. Telling him that he had to protect her. That the past, whatever it was, didn’t matter anymore. But that right here, right now, in the present, she could die. That Lisa could die if he didn’t leave her.

He just couldn’t understand where that bizarre idea came from.

Lisa, dying? Why? If anything, he was the one in danger. He had been in the past, and he still was. Because of her.

“Can you tell me I’m wrong or not, Lisa?” He set his jaw and stepped back. His back leaned against the sycamore.

Lisa stared at him and every trace of hope disappeared from her eyes. She wanted so much to give him the answer he was so obviously looking for, but the truth was that she didn’t know. She couldn’t and she didn’t want to lie to him. Yes, she had remembered some things about the past. She recalled having told Michael something that was not true at one point, and that a part of her had died in the process. She had told him that she was indifferent, while in fact she loved him, and was just afraid that they would crash and burn once again. In a quick and painful flashback, she had relived the intensity and the emotional backlash of her words. And she had promised herself that she would never lie to him again. As hard as it was, in this case, she had to be honest.

“I can’t.”

Her voice was nothing but a murmur. She lowered her head, then looked up at him again.

“I don’t remember anything about the things you say I did. So… I really don’t know, Mike. I wish I knew the answer, whatever that was. But Cromer hasn’t sent any files from the Purgatory, yet… my mind is nothing but a blur. The only thing I know is that I love you, and that I would never do anything to hurt you.”

She waited for him to reply, but he didn’t say anything. He just lowered his eyes.

“Do you think we can talk about this again, once I can finally remember, too? Once I see those files?”

“I can’t wait any longer. I just can’t.”

This time, the tears came and she wiped them away hastily. She cleared her throat.

“I wish our past didn’t matter anymore, whatever it was. I wish we could just move on and learn from it… especially because you said, endlessly. In your letter… you said endlessly, Mike.”

He flinched.

“This has nothing to do with love.”

Lisa tilted her head. She felt exhausted all of a sudden.

“Or maybe it does. It sure has a lot to do with trust.”

“Correct. I also remember that we always meant a lot to one another, Lisa. Or at least we did for a while. And even now I thought we were going somewhere. But just like back then, I was sorely mistaken. And in this life… right here, right now, we can only be what we were supposed to be all along…”

He took a deep breath. Why did oxygen feel so painful in his lungs?

“…Nothing to each other.”

She closed her eyes and tears ran down her face. He watched them and they almost looked as if they moved in slow motion. His fingertips itched to touch her, comfort her, tell her that he didn’t matter what he remembered…

What you think you remember.

…and that they could indeed move on and do what they had planned. Go someplace else, live their lives. Just love each other.

But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t trust her. He had to forget her.

Lisa nodded her head slowly, then stared at him. Her eyes remote, glazed over.

“OK, Mike. OK. I understand.”

She moved a step in his direction, then stopped, frowned and looked down at the artificial grass.

“Goodbye.”

She turned and, utterly drenched, started walking toward the park gates and out of Mike’s life.

He just watched her go. His body cold and empty, just like his heart. He felt her voice in his head. Just a few words.

Come back to me.

He didn’t know if they came from the past or the present. He chose to ignore them. He felt deflated and defeated but then, when Lisa – her head down, her shoulders slumped, her frame smaller than he had ever seen it – turned and disappeared on Providence Street, his vision blurred and he realized that he was crying.

Was it that what a broken heart felt like? Like there was no heart at all?

He pushed himself off the sycamore and turned. His right hand closed in a fist and he hit the trunk violently, again and again. Tears clouded his eyes, but at least the pain he now felt in his hand could rival the one suffocating his soul. Complete emptiness. Perfect darkness.

When his phone rang, he wasn’t even surprised. He felt nothing. His hand bloodied, excoriated and swollen, he extracted the device from his back pocket and didn’t even check the ID. His eyes turned to the gates once again. Nobody. She was gone. Lisa would not be coming back.

“Yes.”

“Mike, honey… hi.” Sydney’s voice didn’t stir any emotion.

“Hello, Sydney.”

“Is this… a bad moment?”

He stayed quiet for a few seconds.

“No. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I thought you would be happy to know that the board of directors wants to give you a promotion. You might even get transferred to Level 4 in a brand new apartment. Isn’t that amazing?”

She sounded so cheerful.

“Very.” His eyes stayed fixed on the gates.

“Well, of course, you will have to work even harder than you usually do, but I don’t think that will be a problem, right?”

“Not at all.”

“We would love for you to be the Technical Manager for a new charity project that we have just decided to subsidize. Creating biomechanical body parts for amputees and veterans living on Levels 1 and 2. I mean – it’s a lot of work, but the other associates agree with me that only you can do it right. You’re experienced and thoughtful… the perfect man for the job. Only, the position requires a higher rank, hence the promotion.”

“I see. Thank you for considering me.”

“So… are we going to talk about it? Tomorrow, maybe? At work?” A pause. “Or maybe… you know what, Mike? Maybe we should have dinner, just you and I. So I can be more specific about what you need to do…”

“Sure. No problem. Thank you, Sydney.”

His wounded hand pulsed. Blood dripped on the artificial grass and stayed there, red on green. The sycamore acted like a dome, shielding him from the rain.

Soundtrack