Contingent – Chapter 4 | Perspective

Chapter 4 | Perspective

exorcise (v.)

c. 1400, “to invoke spirits,” from Old French exorciser (14c.), from Late Latin exorcizare, from Greek exorkizein “banish an evil spirit; bind by oath” (see exorcism). Sense of “call up evil spirits to drive them out” became dominant 16c. Formerly also exorcize; a rare case where -ise trumps -ize on both sides of the Atlantic, perhaps due to influence of exercise. Related: Exorcised; exorcising.

Los Angeles, June 1996

Lisa had been right. The fucker had sued them both – supposedly, for breaking their confidentiality agreement. Well, fuck that shit. Michael had nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, and was sick and tired of seeing himself painted as some kind of master manipulator trying to conceal only God knew what. He had been forced into a situation that had nothing to do with him and that had given him no choice. But it was over now, and if that son of a bitch thought he could extort him some more, for something he had never done, he was sorely mistaken.

The red veil of fury covering Michael’s eyes, the moment he had discovered that he had been indeed sued for merely telling the truth on television for something like thirty seconds, after months of horrible speculations and media bullying, couldn’t quickly be erased. Saying that he was enraged was an understatement. And, in his rage, he felt incredibly lonely.

All of a sudden, Lisa’s idea of celebrating misfortune, as in some sort of exorcism, made all the sense in the world. Especially because at least for a couple of days he had been so mad, so wrathful, to be barely able to work, sleep, function. He was well aware that Lisa’s mere presence would have made a difference. Had she been with him, she would have been his calming presence. She would have been able to ground him. Her sarcasm, her devil-may-care attitude and fierceness would have helped him through – just like they had done the first time around.

At that point, creating the perfect celebration for the most absurd reason in the world became of extreme importance for him. Something to focus on. And switching his little date with Lisa to an extraordinary moment turned into a challenge.

Among the myriad of feelings and emotions he felt for her, something else also resurfaced. Something new and old at the same time. It was gratitude. He knew she was by his side in this. Her random, volatile temper tantrums didn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things. And she hadn’t really cared about getting sued either, in the process. She had stood her ground, and had laughed at the whole situation without really ridiculing it or belittling it. She knew the deal. She knew how hard it had been for him.

She remembered. And how could she not? She had been there all along, despite still being married to another man.

“Shush. It’s OK. I’m here, baby…” She kissed his head. “I’m here with you. I’m with you.”

He woke up with a start and realized he was bathed in sweat. He shivered, then relaxed when he felt Lisa’s cool hand on his forehead, and then caressing his hair. His eyes scanned the dimly lit room. He knew where they were – they were at Neverland. He didn’t want to stay there after the strip search, but Lisa had asked him to try. To try and stay there with her, and see if they could make it better. Together.

“I’m going to take care of you, I promise,” she had told him, holding his hand. “We’re gonna exorcise this place with our love. And it’s gonna feel like home again.” She had given him one of her crooked smirks, and he had smiled back at her. Despite the humiliation, despite the sadness, it had come out naturally. She held that power over him.

But she couldn’t stop the nightmares. She could just break his fall and be there with him, for him, when he woke up. And right then and there, she did.

He just stared at her, wordlessly, as his breathing finally started to slow down.

“Michael… what were you dreaming?”

He didn’t remember. He only remembered the feeling. Of being held captive, a prisoner in his own house. Of not being able to break free.

He just shook his head, his eyes helpless and vulnerable. Lisa’s face softened further and she stroked his cheek.

“It’s over now.”

Swallowing hard, his throat on fire, he pulled her down toward him. Toward his mouth, needing to kiss her and cleanse the terrible feeling that still lingered right beneath the surface of his consciousness.

And kiss they did. Gently at first, and then with increasing passion. He rolled over and on top of her, and interlaced his fingers with hers, pinning her hands down, above her head. The fluttering of her pulse as he kissed her neck told him that she was into this as much as he was.

“Lise… Baby…”

She clasped his hands tighter and, all the while, her hips pushed up and against him. Grinding against his already rigid member. Moaning. The warmth emanating from her parted legs felt like home and he took in a long breath.

“What… tell me, Michael. Tell me what you need…”

He knelt up in between her legs and finally let go of her hands. Slowly, he took off her panties and left her only with one of his shirts on. She looked so sexy when she wore his clothes.

“Roll over, babe. Lie down on your belly…”

She chuckled, her eyes sparkling up at him.

“Wanna give me a back massage?”

“I’mma give you a massage alright…” He smiled. “Come on…”

Lisa sat up, caressing his chest and stomach, pushing his t-shirt up and off him. She took a minute to kiss his feverish skin as her hand dipped down and into his jammies. Finding him ready, holding him, stroking him. Michael closed his eyes for a moment.

He opened them again when he felt her lips leave his skin and he found her looking up at him. It was like staring into two universes, both foreign and familiar at the same time. Both refuge and mystery. Their blue hue was sucking him in. She wasn’t smiling anymore. Her lips were parted and red. And perfect.

“I do love you, you know…” she whispered, as her movements stopped. “You have no idea how much…”

He knew. He understood she would do anything to give him the control he needed to feel more grounded, less lost.

Overwhelmed by the feeling of completeness assaulting him, he just bent over and kissed her with all the pent-up passion that always accompanied her presence in his personal space, physical and otherwise. Then, without a word, he grabbed her by the hips and made her turn. As her torso sensually slid down on the white sheets and her perfect ass jutted out at him, Michael pushed his pants down.

“Sir… here we are. Want me to call Mrs. Jacks… ah, Miss Presley?”

His driver’s voice brought him back to the present. To a time and a space that no longer saw Lisa as a lover, as a confidante, as a wife. Michael frowned.

“No, it’s fine. She knows we’re here… She’ll show up.”

The uncomfortable silence inside the limo made him feel very, very uneasy. Pretty much like standing in front of what used to be his house too, at Hidden Hills, waiting for Lisa to open the door and join him for their “celebrations.” All was weird, off, but also strangely alluring in a whimsical kind of way.

As he waited for Lisa’s canonical ten minutes late to pass, he found himself thinking that his life, lately, looked like a parallel universe. There he was, about to have a baby with a woman he didn’t love romantically and he would never have sex with, all the while hoping to cope a feel with an ex-wife that, per her own admission, needed a bit of time to see him as a friend again. Oh, he was also about to celebrate being sued by a nasty sociopath who had thrown the most shameful, unspeakable and fake accusations at him – just for money. Michael rubbed his temples. This was not the kind of world he wanted to live in. It was not the kind of world he had been trying so hard to build.

Lisa strolling down toward the car prevented his mood from turning thoroughly rotten even before the night started.

The driver motioned to get out of the limo.

“No, don’t. I’ll do it…” Michael opened the car door and smiled at Lisa. She looked caught off guard for a moment, then grinned back at him as her pace slowed down and they met halfway.

“Hey… Hi. Sorry, I was…” She noticed his arms behind his back and narrowed her eyes. “Whatcha got there?”

“For you.” He hoped the single red rose would impress her. He was not sure it did it to the extent he had expected, but Lisa seemed genuinely surprised, and not in a bad way. She kept grinning and took the flower from his hand.

“What’s this?” Her nervous giggle made his smile grow. Maybe his mood would indeed get better.

“Ah… A rose?”

“Yeah, but -” She closed her mouth when he simply leaned in and kissed her gently on the cheek.

Michael stepped back and tilted his head to a side.

“Ready to go?”

Her eyebrows sprung up as her eyes scanned him up and down. Noticing his classic black suit – plus a blue satin shirt and a tie. Had he dressed up to impress her? Nah.

Well… Maybe a little bit. She loved him in blue.

“I don’t know. Should I go back in and change my clothes? And maybe put on something more… appropriate for what you got in mind?”

“I don’t think you should. You look gorgeous.”

It was the truth. Her floral summer dress was more than enough to populate his dreams for a week, at the very least.

“Alright…” Still eyeing him suspiciously, she let him guide her to the other side of the car and open the door for her.

When he bowed slightly, she sneered. “OK, that is enough, Michael.”

Excited like a kid, he closed the door and sauntered back around the car, patting the car hood for good measure.

“Let’s go,” he told the driver as he got back in.

“Where are we going, by the way?” Lisa kept a bit of physical distance, but turned in the seat to look at him.

“You’ll see…”

“Why are you being so secretive?” She was trying hard not to laugh at his playful attitude.

“Because I’m the one in charge of the night and I love surprises.”

She made a face. “I am not sure I signed up for those. I got plenty lately.”

Michael decided just to let the comment slide. No need to fuel the flames. He thought he could be pretty good at ignoring the wildfire devouring their world – at least for tonight.

“You’ll like it, I promise. Trust me, OK?” He reached out, feeling very brave suddenly, and took her hand. When she didn’t pull away, his heart took a leap and he didn’t mind inhaling a deep breath, making it very clear that her non-rejection affected him. Lisa’s eyes studied him with an intensity that almost scared him and right then, right there, the only thing he wanted was…

“Michael?”

…Lean over and kiss her and ask his driver to just bring them back home and then…

“…Mike?”

…Scoop her up like the perfect little doll that she was and drag her into their house and…

“Michael!”

“What?” He cleared his throat and looked up at her. He felt like a sex-starved maniac. He hadn’t made love in months and the sudden realization was jarring. Not that he couldn’t have sex if he wanted to. It was just that…

“Are you OK?” Lisa was clearly amused. He focused on her and held her gaze long enough for her smile to just falter. Long enough for her to realize what he had been thinking about.

“I am.” Biting his lip, he entwined his fingers with hers. “You have no idea what it means to me, to have you here right now… after…”

“Hey, I’ll tell you what: we’re in this together, right? I mean, dude sued us both. And honestly, I don’t give a fuck about it. Or him…” Cutting in while he spoke, she hurried back on safer ground. “I hope you don’t, either.”

“No, I don’t. But I do care about this night out with you. It puts everything into perspective… makes me realize that whatever he’s done now, it’s not as bad as it was before.”

“That’s very true. Perspective is essential, isn’t it?”

Why did everything she said sound so ambiguous? Or – more appropriately – why did it feel like that?

Perspective. She was right. It was everything. A particular, different way to observe something. His chance to think about a situation or problem in a wiser and more reasonable way. This night was an opportunity in itself. So far, Lisa had been friendly. And she seemed inclined to keep things that way. But the night was young, and maybe he could test the waters and understand if regaining the trust of his best friend – and trusting her again in the process – really was the only thing that could come out of this. After all, their boundaries had always been so blurred. And yet the feelings were so clear. A multitude of emotions and sensations, sometimes conflicting, but always very transparent in their essence. Friendship. Love. Longing. Anger. Bitterness. Passion. Sadness.

Desire…

Michael needed Lisa to know two things: that he was not willing to give up on his dreams and that he would become a father, with or without her; and that his love for her was still there, against all the odds. One thing didn’t exclude the other. And if she saw that, if she understood, and if not all doors were closed and destined to stay shut, maybe she could also realize what Michael didn’t necessarily see as an obstacle, but as an opportunity. An opportunity named Debbie Rowe.

But not now. At the very least, he needed a glass of wine first. Maybe even two.

He took her to a beautiful restaurant facing the ocean. A small, intimate setting that he had booked just for the two of them, together with the private strip of beach. They were alone, and they enjoyed a long, serene dinner by candlelight. More than once, he caught himself staring at the way the reflection of the flames danced on Lisa’s perfect face in the salty breeze coming from the sea.

It was a trip back in time somehow. It felt like time hadn’t passed at all. More than anything else, it felt like all the issues and disasters that had swept over them were canceled. At least for a little while.

They kept the conversation light. Talking about a little bit of this, a little bit of that. The French red wine they chose to toast also helped them relax and drop their guards way more than they had done in the previous six or eight months. Under the dark blue sky, under a collection of perfect stars, at their small table, in their tiny portion of the world, all felt perfect for a few hours. The realization that they could still communicate so well, when it was just the two of them, was striking in its bittersweet beauty.

Nothing happened during dinner – not sudden passionate attacks, and no bickering either – but as time went by their conversations became more intimate, their words more hushed, their reflections more profound. The need to find the trust and confidence was intense. The desire of relying on one another, knowing how good they could be when they were in tune and solid together, too strong to be expressed out loud. But so perceivable in every little gesture, in every look, in every careful choice of words.

Can you still be there for me? Michael’s eyes seemed to ask, quietly.

Can you? Lisa’s seemed to reply.

Their emotional intimacy resurfaced. It was magic.

“So…” Michael watched the ruby red wine twirl into his glass. “Why did you ask me out tonight?”

Lisa chuckled. “I didn’t ask you out. Don’t twist my intentions. I told you a celebration was in order… and you know why.”

“Do I, really?” He glanced up at her. Her eyes were open, honest, transparent in their receptiveness.

She played with her napkin. “I just didn’t want you to go back to that dark place. If only for a little while, I wanted to make sure you knew that I don’t regret having been there with you, back then. Or now. When it comes to this. And that I’m by your side… If you need anything.”

“Only when it comes to this?” His voice low now, he scanned her face, looking for reactions. Reactions that he didn’t find. Her features stayed collected, her eyes very calm. She didn’t reply, and he decided not to push it. Fearing she would back away and put an abrupt end to their unhoped-for date.

He rose from his chair and held out his hand instead.

“Come on… Let’s go.”

“Where?”

He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and she chuckled.

“The beach’s all ours for tonight… Well, at least, this strip of beach is.”

Lisa took his hand, her face still perplexed, and he grasped her fingers, tugging at them gently. “Come on! What’s stopping you?”

When she rose and he found himself face to face with her, and her scent wrapped itself around him, seducing his senses, he realized that he wasn’t feeling dizzy because of the wine. And then she did the unthinkable. She reached up and loosened his tie a little, and undid the top button of his shirt. Such a small gesture. Such an intense turmoil it created within. She smiled up at him.

“Seriously? Well… Not sure you can run on the beach with that outfit on… But I know I can!”

And before he realized what she had in mind, she had removed her sandals and had taken off, running on the sand, her feet naked. Her hair, her floral dress danced in the darkness.

Michael smiled and followed her, like a kid would run after a kite.

He reached her when she was already close to the shoreline, the mesmerizing sound of the waves caressing the wet sand as musical as her unexpected laughter.

“Gotcha!” He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer, her back colliding with his chest. “You weren’t thinking ’bout going in, were you?”

He spoke into her ear, against the whistling sound of the breeze coming from the ocean, and for a moment she seemed to melt against his body. Then her gorgeous butt pushed him back and she ran straight into the water. Raising her dress up to her knees, she let the sea caress her ankles and threw her head back, laughing again at his surprised expression.

God…

Michael couldn’t do anything but look at her, shivering a little in the cool night, his elegant shoes a hindrance. His tattered, terrified heart, too. He wanted more than anything else to reach her, get closer to her, take her into his arms again, the pushing and pulling of their souls, their bodies, like a siren’s chant.

He wanted nothing more than taking the risk and stepping into the water with her. But he couldn’t.

“Whatcha doing there?” He had to chuckle. “You’re some kind of crazy, girl!”

“And tipsy!” Lisa bent over and splashed water in his direction and he jumped, laughing heartily now, his half-undone tie flapping in the wind.

“Yeah? Come over here, then! I ain’t gonna rescue your cute little bootie just because you think you can walk on water!”

She snorted. “You wish.”

“Lisa Marie! Come on out!”

“Look at that! Mister Sophisticated got his panties in a knot!”

She was now laughing so hard that her eyes were sparkling in the moonlight, but she complied, nonetheless. He held out his hand at her and she took it and, once again, he pulled her close to him. Their eternal dance. Their never-ending tango.

This time, she rested her cold hands on his chest and looked up at him, a bit breathless, and still smiling. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Wrapping his arms around her, Michael tilted his head to a side and leaned in, without even thinking. The lure of her parted lips too strong to be avoided. He felt her warm breath against his face and then, when he was just an inch away from her mouth, he somehow managed to kiss the tip of her nose.

Lisa blinked, her hands coming up, cradling his face as her eyes bore into his. Straight into his soul, like an arrow. She looked torn. Confused. Disoriented by their sudden closeness.

“Mike…”

“Mh…” Once again, his gaze fell on her lips. Her tongue darted out for a second, wetting them, and he about lost it.

“Thank you… It’s a perfect night.”

“Yes… Yes, it is…”

He was so tempted to push things further. To recreate the magic. He felt it was still there, somehow, and was also afraid it would slip through his fingers. He glanced down at the sand. Such an appropriate simile.

Lisa’s shivering body brought him back to the moment.

“You cold?”

“A little bit…”

He kissed the top of her head.

“You’re a nut. Told you to stay out of the water…”

“I don’t ever do what you tell me, you know that…”

He smiled down at her.

“Well, that depends…”

The simmering storminess in her eyes, albeit for a brief moment, told him that she knew what he meant. Lisa was a strong woman – who didn’t mind being a bit submissive in bed. Perfect, since he loved to dominate.

Sighing, he backed off just enough to take off his jacket and wrap it around her shoulders. Then he took her into his arms again and brought her down with him as he sat on the dry sand. Close enough to the water, but distant enough to not get swept away. In this case, the simile was not appropriate at all, since he felt Lisa’s mere presence in his arms was going to shatter him at any second. And everything else be damned.

They both decided that it was best to stay put. The flame was way too close to the gasoline. The fire, impending. Was it really wise to try to stop it? Sometimes, ashes were the perfect ground to grow something new. Something healthier. Something better. But neither Michael or Lisa knew if that was the case.

Michael glanced down at his soon-to-be ex-wife. The woman who had stolen his heart and had the power to steal it again and again, it didn’t matter how hard he tried to stop her. With the last ounce of willpower left, he tried to shield himself from her immense power and wondered if he had still power over her. He knew he used to. He remembered the way she would always look at him. As if he was the treasure at the end of the rainbow.

While now… well, that look was still there at times, but not all the time. Sometimes her eyes were remote. Other times, just sad. There were moments when they barely hid a loneliness that he knew very well, because he, too, knew where it originated from. Why, oh why, were things so complicated? Why wasn’t love as simple as breathing?

“Feel better?”

She snuggled against him. Her arms around his torso, her cheek resting on his shoulder. He could felt her breath caress his neck. It was like coming home. Her eyes were closed but she nodded her head.

“Much better…”

“Still cold?”

She cracked a tiny smile, without opening her eyes.

“Not anymore…”

Even in the most challenging time of his life, loving Lisa and allowing himself to be loved by her had been the most natural thing in the world. He had just sunk into the cloud. Its softness enveloping him, making him feel sheltered and safe. Making him feel one with another human being, for once.

Just like in 1993.

They weren’t even married, back then. They weren’t even technically together. The world didn’t know about them, and although a couple of tabloids had caught a whiff of what was going on, they hadn’t been effective in getting their facts straight. At the same time, nobody seemed too interested in knowing that Michael might have a relationship with a woman. That he had a lover and was planning a future with her.

Talk about a distorted image. The public entertainer and the man were two very different people, their personas only slightly overlapping. For the media, they were all the same. Even worse: he was a freak, a monster. Something he had never been to Lisa.

Lisa, who looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. Even while his name was being dragged in the mud.

He had been on tour. He had decided to work despite the allegations being thrown at him. He needed to raise funds for his charity. He didn’t want to be stopped.

She couldn’t be with him. She was still married to Danny, had two babies to take care of, and simply couldn’t fly all around the world with the only man she wanted to be with.

A few days earlier, he had been forced to reschedule his show in Bangkok after suffering from severe dehydration. He wasn’t well at all. The allegations and consequent humiliation were taking a toll on his body, his spirit, and his mind.

He had somehow recovered, and had been able to perform, and then had flown to Singapore, where he had performed again, on the night of his 35th birthday.

After the show, he had gone back to his hotel feeling drained, exhausted and profoundly afflicted. He never celebrated his birthday, but being alone, that night, was more than he could tolerate. He had been trying all day to call Lisa and get in touch with her, hoping to find solace in her voice and words, but she had been unavailable. His calls had gotten unanswered. His messages ignored. He wanted to be miffed, but in all honesty, he just felt sad. Maybe she didn’t want to have anything to do with him any longer. She didn’t want to be associated with a man accused of having done the most disgusting, godawful thing on Earth. It didn’t matter how false the accusations were.

Could he really blame her? Well… no. Not really.

His mood was somber when he entered his suite, and he almost jumped out of his skin when he saw her sitting on the plush couch, cradling a glass of white wine. He just frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Only a tentative smile. He was at a loss for words.

She grinned up at him, tilting her head.

“Took you long enough. I about fell asleep.”

He closed his mouth but kept smirking. They stared at each other for a minute, as if caught in a silent game, and then she put the glass on the coffee table, rose from the couch and flew into his arms, holding him tight.

Michael buried his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled her intoxicating scent. It was becoming familiar. It was already comforting.

“What are you doing here?” His fingers raked through her hair, and he closed his hand in a fist. Needing to keeping her there, where she was.

“Surprise…”

“No shit…” He pulled back just enough to frame her face with both hands and take in her presence. Assuring himself that she was there for real, and he had not fallen asleep and was only dreaming.

“Who let you in?”

“Your friend Liz helped me out. She so loves surprises…”

“Ah, the sneaky ladies in my life…”

“I know, right? Happy birthday, baby….”

Before he could reply, she placed a finger on his lips.

“No, don’t say anything. I know you are not used to enjoying this. But it’s OK… I’ll teach you…”

“You’ll teach me?” He kissed her fingers and followed her hand as it rested on his cheek again, kissing her palm.

“Yeah…” Her voice a whisper now and she guided his other hand to the waistband of her skirt. “We can start now if you’re up to it… Ready?”

“By all means, go ahead…”

“OK… You think you can take care of this… and take it off?”

His hands moved on their own volition. His lower body did the same, reacting to her close proximity. All the while, Lisa started kissing his neck. Slow, hot, open-mouthed kisses that sent shivers down his spine and made him forget everything that was wrong in his world.

“I think I can do that, yeah…”

Lisa’s skirt pooled at her feet, revealing a silky white thong. She kept kissing his neck, and all the while started unbuttoning his shirt.

“Mh… Such a gifted student… What about my blouse? Think you can take care of that, too?”

He smirked, arching an eyebrow.

“I can try…”

As he undressed her, noticing the matching bra, and the pearls he had given her, her kisses descended on his now naked chest, lingering there, as if she felt the need to kiss his heart again and again.

“I thought you never wanted to see me again…” He, too, started kissing her naked shoulders. His fingers slowly unclasped her bra. How happy he was, to be wrong, for once.

“Why would I ever want that?” This time she backed off, staring at him as she pushed his shirt off his shoulders. “I’m so in love with you…”

The utter honesty of her words felt like fire. Incinerating him from the inside. Death and rebirth at once.

“God, Lise… I love you, too…”

She stepped into him once again, her arms around his shoulders. Her flat stomach rubbing against his crotch. His body responding, his blood thundering in his ears. His exhaustion gone, his affliction dissipating bit after bit, after bit.

“You do?”

Biting his lip, he picked her up and she immediately wrapped her legs around his waist. That was becoming their dance, and he loved to carry her around. To bed, especially. Her lithe, gorgeous, sexy body seemed created for him, and him alone.

They kissed as if their lives depended on it and when he spoke, he did it in a whisper, against her lips. All the while, he started to walk toward his bedroom.

“Fuck, yes. I do.”

“Mh…” One more kiss. “Cool… Let me give you my present, then, birthday boy…”