Push Play – Take 13 | Blooper

Take 13 | Blooper

Blooper

an actual error or mistake (misplaced action, or mis-spoken dialogue by a performer), usually embarrassing or humorous, made by a performer during filming; also known as a goof, flaw or flub; see also continuity.

Friends.

How funny it was that he had always loved that word – unless it involved being friends with someone he despised or someone he wanted to be more than that. What was even funnier was that he had used that same word, during his divorce from Lisa Marie, as he tried to reel her back in – all the while sounding inconspicuous. Why can’t we be friends, he had casually thrown out there, over the phone.

She had cried. Then she had gotten mad, and told him that they couldn’t, that she was not ready for that. Michael had been glad they were not face to face, otherwise it would have been mightily uncomfortable for him to remain stone-faced, even-voiced, collected. Over the phone, the performance had been easier to deliver, but so painful nonetheless. And yet he had tricked her – for the greater good.

Despite her initial resistance, with time and patience he and Lisa had gotten closer again, with the pretense of being just friends. Within months, maybe even weeks, they had turned from friends to friends with benefits. Then from friends with benefits to full-on lovers. And then, eventually, they had been forced to admit that what they had been doing was not casual or noncommittal. It was true, they had never been able to go back to the level of union they had shared before the whole world had started to conspire against them, coming into their relationship and married life like a wedge. It was hard to admit that, involuntarily, even the two of them had contributed to the failure of their own love story somehow. Self-sabotage at its finest.

No wonder everything had gone down the crapper, one year earlier. For what seemed to be the last time.

At the current time, the word “friend” was the last rope connecting Michael to Lisa – and Michael still had a bit of trouble dealing with it wholeheartedly.

They had dragged it out as long as it was humanly possible, that night at the Hideout. They just didn’t want their time together to end. Unlike the first time around, Michael had not fallen asleep and Lisa had not left without him knowing. Insomnia was the norm for him, but not necessarily when she was around. He never had been a good sleeper, but having her in the bed with him often worked as a tranquilizer. It happened when they were married, and she would wake up at night as he paced the room, wired and yet exhausted. Those nights, she would stay awake too and sometimes just seeing her like that, her eyes tired and glazed over, was enough to break his heart.

“Baby… what are you doing?”

“Nothing. Go back to sleep, Lise…”

“…’kay… But you know I don’t like the bed without you…”

“I know…”

Most of the times, however, she would ask him to please come back to bed and she would take him into her arms, cuddling with him, sometimes even rocking him and humming a tune, lullabying him. Just being there for him. He wouldn’t always fall asleep, but her closeness made him feel better. And when he did fall asleep, he would usually rest. The scent of her skin and the rhythm of her breathing were so calming, so comforting. He would always feel safe and secure, and that had never changed. Not even after their divorce.

“Are you keeping your eyes closed?”

“Yes…”

“Just relax…”

“Mh… Keep talking to me…”

“I’ll keep talking until you start snoring.”

“I don’t snore.”

“Sure you don’t. Rest, Mike. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Then there were those other times when they were together in the same bed. Before they got married, during their marriage, after they stopped being husband and wife. Those nights when he would sleep no problem because she had worked him over good with lots and lots of sexual healing. The perfect medicine. His body and mind would finally relax and unwind and he would slip into a fluffy, often dreamless sleep. Into her arms, her scent all around him, like a blanket.

Now things were different. He needed some chemical help to rest – and he was not going to let Lisa know. He knew she would get worried. Then mad. And Michael really wasn’t in the mood for fighting.

It had been about two months since the last time they had spent a night together… and over three weeks since they had last seen each other. When she had come to Neverland with her kids, to spend time with him and his children. Just like she had promised she would do. It had been…. OK, Michael guessed. Bittersweet. Friendly. Sort of. But also enticing and arousing on so many levels. Sure as hell he had been glad their respective partners weren’t there, that day. It had been just he and Lisa, and their kids. Which worked just fine for him.

As a matter of fact…

Michael shook his head and chased the thought away. Focusing on something much more important, in the grand scheme of things.

He and Lisa had talked a lot, that last night they had spent together at the Hideout. They had decided that they deserved another chance and that trying to move on with someone else was ultimately better than falling into their usual hellish circle of going back together, breaking up, making up, drifting apart, reconnecting again, and so on. They had embodied the sheer definition of lunacy for so long – neither of them was sure there was something left, among the debris of their failed love story. Apart from love, of course. And passion. But as sad and disingenuous as it was, love and passion were not necessarily enough to make things work. Michael and Lisa were the living proof of that.

They had fallen in love quickly, and had loved each other desperately right from the get-go. Their love was intense, passionate, volatile, stormy, and profound – the result of an innate connection that resounded deeply into their soul. Something ancient over which they seemed to have no power. Beautiful and terrifying. Predestined.

Maybe in a parallel universe, or in another life, they had been able to make it work. But not in this universe and not in this life. They had tried and tried and, in the end, it had not worked. No matter how good they were in bed, their bodies fused together, their spirits profoundly intertwined. Everything else just crumbled under the weight of their failed expectations, demolished hopes, past experiences, misjudgments and fears. And so they had decided to let it go.

But…

There was a but.

They had also acknowledged the feelings they still felt for one another. They recognized how precious those feelings were and how painful it was to suppress them or pretend they did not exist. The love they felt didn’t deserve to be nullified by silence, absence, distance. It could be turned into something else. Something new. Friendship. Affection.

Maybe, just maybe, they could be friends and try to have each other’s back as they tried, as best as they could, to build their new lives with someone else. Zoe and Roman. Lisa was not fond of Michael’s girlfriend, and he could understand why, especially in the light of the most recent news. And Michael despised Lisa’s new partner. But that was what they had chosen for themselves, and they had to take responsibility for it.

And yet it could have gone much worse. Michael and Lisa were still talking. They had started texting each other back and forth after a few days of complete silence, which they both had used to assess the current state of affairs and get acquainted with their new “definition.”

At first it had felt chopped and uneasy, but then, as the days progressed, their conversations had started to become more fluid, way more relaxed, increasingly comfortable. And it was evident that they both looked forward to those stolen, “friendly” moments.

Sitting at his grand piano at the ranch, Michael kept his eyes half-closed as he played, by heart, the Piano Sonata No. 14 by Beethoven. The Moonlight Sonata. A composition he loved, especially in its first movement, that sounded almost as a pensive lamentation, a nocturnal scene in which a voice almost seemed to resound from a distance.

It was weird how he and Lisa were able to maneuver themselves into something as tricky as a friendship. Especially because they had already tried twice, with not much success. The first time, she was still with Danny, it didn’t matter how deep their crisis ran. She and Michael had ended up falling in love and engaging in a torrid affair while she was still married. The second time, after their divorce, it had been nothing but an excuse to get closer again. Michael knew it – as he had been the mastermind behind it. But he also suspected that Lisa too was very much aware of what was in his mind, back then.

But anyway, so far so good. Maybe things really had changed now, and that was why they seemed to be able to function as friends. What was the alternative, after all? Ice her out? Why? What had she done to him, this time, apart from stating the obvious? No. Excluding Lisa from his life was out of the question. He didn’t want that. Texts and phone calls were better than nothing.

He still remembered how surprised and elated he had been when she had reached out first. Something he did not think she would ever do. Not this time, at least, as for several years Lisa had always been the first one surrendering. Thank God.

And just as he thought about that, Michael saw his cell phone blink, the blueish light startling on the smooth black surface of the grand piano. His fingers stopped and his hands stayed on the keys for a moment. A text message. Taking a deep breath, he tried hard to repress a grin, but his eyes smiled. He knew it was her.

Flipping the cell phone open, he was elated to find out he was right.

Hey stranger

This time his smile could not be suppressed.

Hey beautiful lady

Do you call all your female friends that

Michael’s smile got bigger.

Only the beautiful ones

Ah…thx, I guess. how r u?

How was he? Much better, now.

Good. You?

Same. Was just thinking about u.

That sudden tightness in his chest. Michael sighed.

Really? What were you thinking, L?

I heard Ri and Ben talk about our last visit. They were happy
I was too
Was just thinking about that

His eyes softened. Yeah… he thought about that often, too. He also thought about how gorgeous she looked in that white bikini. Damn…

Hey L
Maybe we could do it again
Sometime

Yeah
Maybe…

Maybe. Friends. Hey stranger. Sometime. Words he would usually consider tepid were now as exciting as having something warm to drink after hours spent lost in a snowstorm.

Michael started to remember. How incredibly amazing that day had been. How unexpected. Bittersweet, but still unforgettable. Not only he and Lisa had spent time all together, but they had also had the chance to talk about what Priscilla had finally managed to discover. For once, Michael hadn’t been miffed he hadn’t solved the puzzle first.

Neverland Ranch, a few weeks earlier

Lisa was glad Riley and Ben were in the car with her, as their constant chatting distracted her from the anxiety she felt at the idea of seeing Michael again. Considering that the last time she had seen him it had been so up-close and personal, their bodies naked, sweaty, entangled, their breathing mixing, she wondered if she would be able to pull this out in such different circumstances. But hey, after all she had made a move – by calling him and asking him if he would agree to meet her and the kids, so that she could meet him and his kids, just like they had talked about, during their first night at the Hideout. Besides, she had something important to tell him and wanted to do that in person. The kids were the perfect buffer.

Now, of course, she and Michael were back to stage one of their newly found… friendship. Or whatever it was. However, the state of affairs was different compared to the first time around. Michael was still very much committed to Zoe, possibly much more than he had ever been, while she had distanced herself from Roman after spending the night with Michael. Making love to him again. She had not told Roman about what had transpired – of course – although she didn’t know why. But she hadn’t digested the way Roman had behaved at the restaurant, and she was not in the mood to pretend she had. Lisa suspected she would have broken up with him anyway, even if she hadn’t spent hours clinging to Michael’s body and soul as if her life depended on it.

When she had come back home, after staying at the Hideout up until morning and deciding, with him, they would be friends from that moment on, she had waited for Roman to arrive and then she had told him that she needed a break. She had asked him to go back to his apartment and leave her alone for a while, and not call her, because she didn’t know if she still could be with him.

Roman’s face had turned white, and his reaction had surprised her.

As a matter of fact, Lisa was baffled. How out of tune with her could this man be? Did he really not understand why she needed to distance herself from him and think things over? At least for a bit? Before she decided how she was going to punish herself some more with a man she was not in love with?

Well, it was evident that he didn’t. And so Lisa had spent hours trying to make Roman understand that she didn’t like to be treated as a trophy girlfriend, that she couldn’t figure out what kind of game he was playing, and that all of a sudden she doubted they could go far, as a couple. Which was hypocritical, really, since she had cheated on him twice, and all she could think about was the way Michael felt in between her legs.

But anyway, in the end Roman seemed to have gotten the memo and had left. Looking sad and forlorn. Lisa had felt sorry for him and relieved at the same time, but had not told Michael right away.

That had happened during their first phone call, a few days later. The conversation had been casual and a bit guarded, and when Michael had asked her, out of courtesy, about Roman, she had told him that she had no idea how he was.

“What do you mean you have no idea?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean? You heard me.”

“Well…?”

“We’re… uhm, taking a break.”

“Did you break up with him?” His voice had sounded cautious, as if he was walking on a minefield. She understood why.

“I didn’t say that. I just need some time for myself. To think about… stuff, you know.”

“Stuff?”

“Yeah.”

Stuff. A perfect term to disguise the truth. Which was that she still loved Michael to pieces, that she was in love with him to the point of tears. He didn’t need to know. She had left her guard down enough in the past, and their deal was clear.

“OK…”

She could tell that he was trying very hard to sound casual, almost disinterested. But she knew him. Michael was a curious man. He was dying to know more. Well… he’d have to keep his curiosity in check for once.

“How’s Zoe?”

She had heard him sigh into the phone. Then, that unmistakable tone he used in public. When he wanted to sound more interested than he really was.

“Oh, she’s good. Thanks for asking.”

“Sure, no problem. You two still going strong?” What was some fishing among friends? Friends were interested in their friends’ relationships, right?

“Well… Actually…”

Without even realizing what she was doing, Lisa had found herself holding her breath. Her heartbeat had started to quicken. Hope – a devastating poison.

“She told me… she offered to… you know, to have a baby.”

It had felt like a ton of brick had rained over her head. Lisa had sat down, her head spinning.

Now, as she slowly drove through the ranch, directed to the main mansion, she once again tried to focus on the voices of her children. Riley and Ben were excited beyond belief, and she couldn’t blame them. They couldn’t wait to see Michael again and they loved spending the day at Neverland. While she needed to think about something else, and stop being frantic at the idea of possibly having Michael tell her that Lipgloss was already pregnant. ‘Cause sure as fuck that lady seemed inclined to move things along pretty quickly. She was young enough to have a baby just like that, in the bat of an eyelid. And if she was indeed pregnant… then things were over for good.

And why would you care, pray tell? Didn’t you suggest you both should move on?

Yeah, and Michael had agreed.

Lisa blinked and focused on the mansion, now visible. Then she glanced up at the sky. It was a scorching, humid summer day, but the sun wasn’t shining. Which was a very nice simile for her current life. She didn’t miss Roman at all, despite having decided to…

Her train of thoughts was interrupted by Michael appearing on the threshold of the house and climbing down the stairs to the pathway, already smiling. And handsome as usual. God – how was she going to survive this day?

Riley squealed into her ear and Lisa winced. The moment she stopped the car, her eleven-year-old was already opening the door in a hurry, followed by Ben.

“Hey!” Michael opened his arms and crouched down as the kids flew into his embrace, almost knocking him off. Lisa grinned. How could she not? He had always been an amazing stepfather to them. She too started walking in his direction the moment he stood up again.

“Hi…” He smiled and squinted his eyes, then held out his hand to her. In an automatic motion, Lisa reached out and held onto his fingers. When he pulled her in his arms she let him, and rested her head against his shoulder. Her eyes closed, she felt his warm lips on her forehead, lingering there for a moment. “I’m so happy to see you… all of you… Come, Prince and Paris are inside. And… I have plans for today. I hope you guys are ready.”

Michael emerged from the water and Lisa couldn’t help but stare. He looked like a perfect statue, his toned body glistening, his shorts clinging to him just in the right way. Besides, it was so rare – to see him having the chance to swim in the pool during the day. But that afternoon, the clouds covered the sun and he had dared to jump in, and just enjoy a few hours outdoors with her and the kids. No umbrellas needed for once.

When he had told her that the pool area was ready, refreshments, drinks, deck chairs and all, Lisa had stared at him as if he had two heads. Michael had laughed.

“What? It’s hot! Come on, Lise… You love swimming!”

She sure did, but maybe parading around in a bikini wasn’t exactly how she had planned to spend the day.

“I do, but I don’t have -”

“A bathing suit? I know. I should have told you. But it was a last-minute decision. Look – it’s not a problem… Your…” He had shuffled his feet. “…Your clothes are still in my quarters. The ones you kept here. So, you know… You can… Go take a look.” A shoulder-shrug, his dark eyes glancing up at her furtively.

Lisa had sighed, throwing her hands in the air. She knew him. When he had a plan in mind, trying to cheat him by making a detour or distracting him was futile.

“Fine! All by myself? Or you wanna come with me?”

He had blushed.

“No… You go, you know your way ‘round here. Suit yourself. I’ll stay here with the kids. And the nannies – we have bathing suits for Riley and Ben, too.”

Going into his private quarters again had felt odd, mainly because at one point she had considered that place as their home. Lisa had feared she would find traces of Zoe all over the place – her scent in the air, lingerie all scattered about. Pregnancy tests…

But no. Nothing of that sort. It was as if she didn’t exist at all.

If only, she thought, and then reprimanded herself. She was being selfish and unfair. It looked like Zoe could indeed give Michael all that he needed. All that he wanted. Including a baby. Something Lisa…

Well, it wasn’t that she didn’t want to have his baby. Sharing a baby with Michael was the ultimate seduction. But she hadn’t felt safe in their marriage. Not enough to bring a child into the world. Her request to wait and fix what was wrong in their relationship had been misunderstood, and possibly she hadn’t been clear. The endgame had been the same. Michael had forged ahead, like he would usually do, and had his kids with another woman. And now he would probably do the same with Zoe.

Once in his bedroom, she glanced around. Messy man. The bed was undone, but it looked like only one person had slept in it the previous night. It made her wonder. But what made her wonder – and worried her – even more, were the medications she found on Michael’s nightstand. Three little orange bottles. Lisa’s fingertips itched. What the fuck was that? Making sure she was alone, she walked over to the bed and took a look at the labels. The muscle relaxant wasn’t concerning. But the hydrocodone sent her a shiver down her back and she truly, truly had to fight the instinct to flush that shit down the toilet. What the hell was he taking? Why didn’t Zoe say anything? Wasn’t she taking care of him? What the fuck was going on there?

She had to sit down for a minute and took a series of long, cleansing breaths. It was not her call. Not anymore. Michael’s back pain had become a chronic problem – and she knew. She was aware he needed to manage it somehow. The only thing she could do was hope and pray that he would be careful. And possibly… she could talk to him about that. But not now. Not today. Not with their kids present.

She went to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face. Then just stayed there, her eyes closed, calming herself, trying to control the sudden anxiety. Reminding herself not to overstep – that he didn’t like it, and that it never worked anyway.

It’s not your call. Not anymore.

It took her about ten minutes to regain some composure.

Eventually, Lisa did find what she was looking for: her clothes. Interestingly enough, given how scatterbrained and messy Michael was, they were all neatly placed inside a closet, where she had last seen them. She wondered why he hadn’t gotten rid of them, then decided that he probably had forgotten they were even there. She chose a white bikini, and the moment she took it into her hands she remembered how many times Michael had peeled it off her body, before making love to her, while they were married. Or afterward.

And now, as she watched Michael smile and play with Riley and Ben and then jump into the water again, Lisa leaned her back against the cold tiled surface of the pool and kept holding baby Paris in her arms. The baby was beautiful. She had grown so much since the last time Lisa had seen her, and it was incredible how Michael trusted her with this. With his daughter and son – who right now was having a snack with the nannies, under a huge green umbrella.

Paris babbled and then pointed at Michael: “There Daddy!”

Lisa smiled.

“Yes, that’s your daddy playing. He looks happy, right, little one?”

“Am daddy’s baby.”

She had to chuckle. “Yes, honey. You are daddy’s baby.”

Paris’ blue eyes stayed on Michael a little longer, then moved to Prince, his brother. She pouted.

“Want more juice. Where nana?”

Lisa frowned. Then, as if someone had flicked a switch in her mind, she understood.

“Banana?”

Paris nodded.

Oh well, then.

“Hold tight, Paris, ‘kay? We’re going out…”

As the infant clung to her shoulders, Lisa walked out of the pool and rose to her feet. Holding Paris against her hip with one arm, she raked her fingers through her hair and turned, intercepting Michael’s gaze. He was standing in the pool, soaking wet, a ball in his hands, and was staring at her as if he was caught in some distant, yet engrossing thought. The moment he noticed she had busted him, his eyes moved from her legs up to her face and he blushed, then grinned. Lisa couldn’t do anything but shake her head and smile.

“Nana!”

“She wants her banana mousse,” Michael cleared his throat and threw the ball in Ben’s direction.

“Yeah…” Lisa laughed as she approached the nannies. “I know.”

“Of course you do…” She was almost sure to hear him say before, finally, she was able to take her eyes off him.

About an hour later, the kids were all inside with the nannies – taking a nap – and Michael was able to convince Lisa to stay in the pool with him for a little bit longer.

“Hey, it’s not an everyday thing for me. Don’t be a spoilsport! Let me enjoy it!”

He was right, and she had not been able to say no to him. And so, after making sure that the children were indeed all resting placidly and the nannies would be there if anything were needed, Lisa and Michael went back to the pool area.

Lisa sat in one of the deck chairs and poured herself a glass of white wine. It was a little over six in the afternoon, after all. Perfect time for a drink.

“Want some?”

“Maybe later…” Michael chuckled and removed his robe, turning his back to her and gazing at the sky, now turning a bizarre shade of pink. Sipping her wine, Lisa stared at his broad shoulders, the muscles of his back twitching, and the way his red shorts clung to his perfect ass. Torture. She took a deep breath. She would need a bit of time to stop being enamored with his body – among other things. Well, maybe a little longer than that.

“Hey, why don’t you jump in with me?” He turned to her and blinded her with a dazzling smile. She could tell he was in one of his moods. Playful, mischievous. Incredibly alluring. She wondered how in the world she would be able to fight him off, if only he…

Nope. Don’t even think about it. And stop drinking! It lowers your inhibitions.

“Because I am comfortable where I am, thank you. But you go. Do your thing. I’m gonna stay here and watch you. Make sure you’re safe.” She reclined in her deck chair for good measure.

Michael laughed, but didn’t budge and walked over to her, crouching down by her side. His face, his eyes so very close now, it was like staring into a starry night reflected in a human being. A gorgeous human being. He turned serious.

“Lisa Marie…”

“What…” She hoped her voice didn’t sound too impacted. Especially because he was close enough for her to feel his aura, his warmth.

“I want you to come in with me.” He added some gravitas to his voice for good measure. “Down there. In the pool. And watch the sunset. With me.”

“What’s with the dramatic pauses? And don’t you have a girlfriend you can do that with?”

“Can’t friends watch the sunset together?”

“Do you have an answer for everything today?”

“Actually, it was a question. But anyway – no. Not to everything. I wish I did.” He touched her hand. “So? Don’t tell me you’re afraid of the big bad wolf…”

Oh, she was. She saw the smirk on his face and didn’t know if she wanted to slap him or kiss him. Or both. But he knew her. He knew she didn’t like to be challenged, and she took the bait. She was not going to tell him that she really, really want to go into the water with him. His head was big enough as it was.

Very graciously, Michael helped her stand up and then, still holding her hand, guided her near the steps that led to the water.

“Come on! Ladies first. Jump in.”

“Nope. I just washed my hair. I’m not jumping in again. I will climb down.”

“Oh my goodness… Are you for real…” Sighing and without warning, he picked her up bridal-style, making her squeal and hold onto his neck.

“What the fuck?!”

“Shush! The kids are asleep! Don’t be noisy…” Giggling, he started climbing down the few steps, his legs disappearing into the water.

“You’re a bully. A little shit. Such a double douche. Put me the fuck down.” And yet she wrapped her arm around his shoulders, enjoying his closeness, the touch of his naked skin against her body. She was playing now, and he knew it. Michael giggled again.

“I think you just broke a couple of commandments here and there with that sharp tongue of yours, Lise… Cut it out… and stop being fussy.”

The moment the cold water touched her ass, Lisa gasped and clung to Michael tighter and this time he laughed.

“And stop wiggling!” Her face now hidden in his neck, she smiled and inhaled his scent, so familiar and unmistakable. She also pretended she hadn’t noticed how his body was starting to tense. Everywhere. Slowly, Michael lowered her into the water but kept holding onto her, turning her and pulling her against him, until her back adhered to his chest. The smile faded from Lisa’s face, but she didn’t move. Not even when Michael wrapped his arms around her waist. Not even when it became apparent that his lower body was reacting in a way that was anything but friendly. She felt his chin resting against her shoulder, then he took a deep breath.

Their eyes stared at the sky for what felt like forever. Orange and pink tongues swirling and interlacing, painting the clouds. The colors mixing – a beautiful kaleidoscope. So rare in its intensity. So unfamiliar, to the point that it was almost terrifying. Just like the things this man always made her feel. The moment she had met him again as an adult, she had been a goner. And there had been no turning back. She could only hope she would be able to go on without him… One way or another.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Michael’s voice interrupted her train of thoughts.

“Yeah…” She nodded her head. “But Mike… I don’t think we should… You know…”

“What? We aren’t doing anything…” He stayed quiet for a moment and she distinctly felt him, as he moved half a step back, so that her ass could no longer touch his crotch. The small gesture made her smile. He was really doing his best. “Stay. For just a minute. I missed you. Having you around… Talking to you.”

“How can you miss me? You can call me whenever you want…”

“Can I? Really?” His voice was soft. “I think we don’t always get how important something is… until it’s gone. A human flaw. Hubris. Or stupidity… I’m not sure yet.”

He was right. And even about them having the chance to talk whenever they wanted. It wasn’t exactly the truth. At times, he had called and she hadn’t picked up the phone. Some other times, he had done the same with her.

“Michael…”

“Yes?”

“Are you and your girlfriend… you know, trying? To have a baby, that is.” She felt him tense, and it seemed to her that he was now the one trying to pull back. Automatically, she covered his hands with her own and held onto them. Looking down, she was almost startled at the sight of her small, tanned hands covering his bigger, stronger ones. “No… stay. Remember? Let’s watch the sunset together.”

Michael sighed, his body relaxing again.

“Not sure what I’m gonna do. Especially after the shit Deb pulled… I don’t know who I can trust. Besides… you know I don’t love Zoe. But she is…”

Convenient. Comfortable. There for him.

“I get it. You’re tempted. I can’t blame you.”

He didn’t reply. What could he say? It was the truth. He loved being a father. Lisa felt the sting and closed her eyes. She had deprived him of that dream. Well, no. That was incorrect. He had his babies anyway. Even without her. And now, he even had a woman willing to have another one. Another woman. Not her. Not Lisa.

“Michael… Are you OK?”

“What do you mean?”

“How do you feel?” The orange in the sky reminded her of those little orange bottles on his nightstand.

“I’m very well now, thank you.”

“Is your back bothering you?”

“Not at this very moment.” His tone was still light, but his choice of words and clearly vague answers told her that he didn’t want to talk about it. And knowing Michael, he probably knew that she had seen his medications, when she had gone to his private quarters. Lisa closed her mouth and sighed. She had to tread carefully. The subject had been a sore spot in the past.

“OK… You would tell me if something’s wrong, right?”

“Nothing is wrong, Lise. I’m fine.”

“Cool… But you would, right?”

He stayed quiet for a moment.

“Yeah.”

She swallowed, hoping he was not bullshitting her. Forcing herself to just keep quiet. He left her off the hook almost immediately. Or deflected. Or both.

“Hey… what about you? Don’t you miss Roman?”

“Well… about that. No, I don’t.” She didn’t like being alone, but Roman was such a fleeting presence in her mind since she had last seen him. Just as much as he had been in her life. Besides, no absence could compare to the feeling of absolute void she had experienced when she and Michael had been as distant as two planets belonging to different galaxies. “But he called me – asked me to meet him. And, you know… I think I will see him. Because at the very least, I have to thank him in person.”

Michael’s hands moved from her torso to her shoulders and he turned her around, staring right into her eyes. He was suspicious.

“Thank him? For what?” He tilted his head. “What did he do?”

“Because he’s the one who helped my mother find out who leaked that damn sex tape.”

“What?!” Michael’s eyes narrowed, and that little crease between his eyebrows appeared. It would always happen, whenever he was confused. Or annoyed. Or caught off guard, like in this case.

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m telling you now. I just found out yesterday. My mother called me and told me. I wanted to tell you right away, but I didn’t want to talk about it over the phone… or via text.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “It was my fault, Michael. I was the one letting that asshole in. I hadn’t thought about him in… I don’t even remember in how long. And sure as hell I had no idea he had snooped around. That son of a bitch.”

“Who?” Michael blinked, and she could tell he was getting mad. “Who’s this guy?”