Arcana | 9 – The Justice

Arcanum 9 – The Justice

Justice, the most accessible incarnation of the great female archetype of The Moon, will often represent the mother or a pregnant woman. This card also opens the field for strong projective interpretations: it can refer to a dictatorial, castrating maternal figure, and to all destructive verdicts. It will also stand then for a demand for perfection that is so strong that it hampers the reading subject in his or her realization, prohibiting the subject in advance from making any mistakes. Similarly, Justice often refers to state institutions (courts, police, administrative offices) whose decisions cannot be appealed and who awaken in the reading subject the threat of punishment and guilt.

Lisa believed that what she had told Michael over the phone, after he sleepily confessed what he would probably never say out loud if only he had been awake, had been a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. The morning after, she had tried to brush off the temptation of being there with him for one of his shows – or even more than one. A few days with Michael…

It had been nothing but temporary insanity experienced during one of their late-night calls. Nothing major. The darkness, the flirting, the hushed tone… and the longing. Yes, the longing was the trickiest part. Because she did miss him for real.

During the day, trying not to think about him too much was relatively easy, engrossed as she was in her new duties at EPE. But at night, things would always change. Her defenses would lower and sometimes Lisa was helpless, fighting against a feeling that was becoming more and more pervasive in her heart.

She was falling in love with Michael. And it was happening at record speed.

Lisa knew full well that, as long as she stayed in contact with him, it would be impossible for her to get rid of those feelings. It looked like they could only grow some more. At the same time, the very idea of not hearing his voice anymore, not seeing his eyes, not feeling his presence near her was even more painful.

However, for a bit she was able to postpone her supposed trip to… wherever it was that Michael would be, had she decided to go to him. The fun part was that he had never asked again. When she had tried to find out if he had changed his mind about seeing her again, she had realized that he genuinely had not registered her words, during that phone call.

Which was endearing, as it meant that he had been in full-on vulnerability mode. Completely open to her. Damn him! He was managing to seduce without even trying to seduce her at all! He was that good.

Then, on March 1st, something happened. Lisa was curled up on the couch, in front of the TV early that afternoon, and Michael had appeared on the screen, almost causing her to drop the bowl of popcorn she was holding.

He was in the news.

Not because of one of his shows, but because earlier that day he had attended a press conference arranged by Pepsi and regarding some new commercials in which he was going to feature.

Lisa had sighed, just staring at the TV screen, watching the man she had made love to as if her life depended on it as he presented a $600 000 check to The United Negro College Fund. God, he looked terrific. And at times, as he stood there, something in his eyes gave away the essence of who he really was beneath his god-size public persona. She observed him carefully and saw it: some mannerisms, some barely-there gestures and glances. He was an incredible performer, but she was becoming very much capable of spotting the real Mike, even when the artist was on stage and taking all the space.

And right then and there, something clicked and she realized that she was going to see him. Just like she had said she would. Because she damn wanted to.

The upside was that she was finally back in Los Angeles, taking care of some business at Priscilla’s place, who was still in Memphis. Which was amazing news, as Lisa wouldn’t have to justify her decision to her mother. If she wanted to fly to New York, she would.

On the other hand, she also had a date planned with Danny. A friendly meeting, the second one since Lisa had told him they could not resume anything more than… well, a friendship. He had not taken it well. At all. He had sulked and hadn’t spoken to her for a few days, but now everything seemed to have gone back to normal. Or at least she hoped so.

What had surprised her the most was that Danny seemed to know exactly why she didn’t want to date him any longer.

“Is this because of Jackson?”

Lisa had felt the ground open beneath his feet and had stared at Danny, speechless for a moment. He was staring back at her and she could see his irritation. He was trying very hard to conceal it, but it wasn’t working. She knew him.

“I’m sorry, come again?”

She needed to delay her answer. Or maybe she could pretend she had misheard. Because there was no way in hell that Danny could know about…

No, wait a second. He could. Lisa had frowned.

“Did you speak to my mom?”

And so, yeah. That was how she had found out that Danny knew all about her “friendship” with the most famous man in the world. Because her mother, as usual, hadn’t been able to shut her trap. Lisa had cut the conversation short, calmly telling Danny that she and Michael were just friends, and her decision came from herself – and nobody else. She had also decided not to go off at Danny because, after all, it wasn’t his fault what he knew or didn’t know. He had asked, and it was his right to do so. This had been all Priscilla’s doing. She should have known better.

Realizing that her mother had once again tried to maneuver her life in a direction that was unbeknown to her, Lisa had felt sick for a second. Then fear had crept into her. What if Danny underwent one of his audits and spilled the beans to the Church? Lisa was not a fool: she knew damn well that those sessions never stayed private. And if someone from the upper echelons got a whiff of her friendship with Michael…

The mere thought had given her a headache and she had tried not to get too worried in advance, even though her anxious streak sure was not helping. So far, nothing had happened. And if something did happen, she would keep quiet about the extent of her own relationship with Michael. Whatever that was.

So, there was that. The last few days had been a bit of a roller-coaster and Lisa had been feeling like a leaf in the wind. Tossed here and there. Work, Danny, her mother, the stress of trying to find a new apartment for herself – something that Priscilla hadn’t appreciated at all – and missing Michael like crazy were doing a number on her. She needed some peace. She needed some relief, she needed shelter.

And she knew that all of that was in Michael’s arms. Her realization, albeit rationalized, also held an instinctive, emotional quality that she could not get rid of. The only thing she could control was how she handled those feelings. And the moment she saw Michael’s face on TV, she knew she had to go to him. She had to see him, touch him.

But she was not going to surprise him and freak him out like some weird stalker. Michael had to know about her plans in advance, and he had to agree with them. He was not on vacation, he was working and needed to stay focused. If he told her that he could not see her at the moment, Lisa was ready to back off.

And so she called him later that afternoon, knowing that he had a couple of days off and being lucky enough to find him still in his hotel room.

He sounded a little groggy, as if he had just woken up. Which was very possible, as his sleep patterns were even more messed up than usual, as of late.

“Hey, Mike… I’m so sorry, I didn’t wanna wake you up. Look, I’m gonna call later, ‘kay? Go back to sleep.”

“No… I’m good! Lisa, hey.” Groggy, yes, but happy to hear from her. Very. From his voice, she could tell that he was smiling. “I love it when you wake me up.”

She had to laugh.

“You mean this is not the first time it happens?”

“No, but usually I’m much better at pretending I was wide awake.”

“Really? What a turd.”

He chuckled.

“I know.”

The playful, flirtatious back and forth put Lisa in an even better mood, solidifying her decision to take that plane to New York. If he would have her there, of course.

“So, anyway… I’m gonna make this quick. I’m just calling because I need to ask you something.”

She heard him turn in bed. The rustle of the sheets. For a second she wondered if he had been sleeping naked, then she shook her head. Be friendly, she reminded herself. She and Michael were friends.

True, but there’s also a lot of benefits you guys might still share…

“Ask away. I’m all ears. Are you coming over?”

He was joking, it was obvious. And yet there was a serious undercurrent in his question that made her feel as if they were entirely in tune. Their minds aligned.

“Actually, I was thinking about it.”

“Wait, what?”

“Don’t you want me to come?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

He sounded incredulous, and his unexpected cursing caused a flock of butterflies to take off in Lisa’s belly. She knew that Michael’s language was usually very polite and polished, and him swearing like that meant that he had been caught off guard. In the best possible way. She only had heard him curse on two occasions: when he was mad… and when he was turned on.

“No!” She laughed. “Unless you want me to be. Fucking kidding you, that is.”

“When? Are you at the airport yet? Girl, I’m getting up… Getting ready. Whatcha need?”

“Calm down, crazy ass!” Unable to refrain from laughing out loud now, she let herself fall on the couch. “I’m still home, chilling. I was just thinking about flying over there tomorrow, if that works for you.”

“Tomorrow? Why not today?”

“Ah… Because it’s already kinda late?”

“Well, but you could fly in tonight. It would be L.A. to New York, right? Then it won’t take long. I can charter you a plane right away. You just need to go to the airport and it’s gonna be there, waiting for you.”

“Michael, I don’t need you to charter anything! I can pay for my own flight, you know.”

“I know that, but…” He huffed in that endearing way that made the word “no” disappear from her vocabulary. “…Why wait until tomorrow, if I can have you here tonight?”

“You want me there tonight…” Her bland tone conveyed all of her doubts. And her barely concealed hope.

“Yes…” Michael’s voice dropped. “Here. With me…”

Lisa scoffed instinctively, as if to dismiss his words, but her heartbeat started to race. Her blood began to rush and thunder in her ears. What was this man doing to her?

Doubts or not, she ended up taking the bait and giving in to his request.

It was true that Lisa would have preferred to pay for her own flight, as she didn’t need Michael’s money. Still, he insisted, telling her that he genuinely wanted to see her as soon as he could and that he could make it happen right away. More than anything, he wanted her to fly over to New York immediately.

“I know I’m being obnoxious, but you gotta understand. It’s just in case you change your mind…”

He had said the words in that low, half-playful tone that always managed to do something to her. And in all frankness, she knew very well that she would somehow be safe if she changed her mind, if she stepped away from this man whose aura was way too humongous not to suck her in. His essence too intense not to heal her, but also not to make her bleed if only she didn’t pay attention. Lisa was young, but old enough to know that with great light, always came deep darkness.

At the same time, she felt that she would be safer in Michael’s arms than in any other place.

And so later that day, when it was already dark outside, she took a cab straight to the airport and found out that there was indeed a plane waiting for her.

The flight went smoothly and she dozed off for a while, caught in a weird, suspended state between daydreaming and dreaming. She felt the scent of Michael’s skin, heard his words in her ear, felt the touch of his hands and lips on her body. Lisa knew it was just a memory of the fleeting moments they had spent together, but it didn’t matter. It was comforting and it was welcomed. For a girl who had felt like a grain of sand tossed by the waves for almost her entire life, this peace was way too tempting to be put aside.

When she arrived at the JFK airport it was a little past one in the morning, and she felt slightly jet-lagged. Michael had assured her that a car would be picking her up just outside the airport and that she would be taken to his hotel in no time. Well, that was a good idea, as sure as hell she didn’t feel like taking another cab, alone, in the middle of the night.

The black Suburban was indeed waiting for her and, the moment she stepped outside the JFK, the driver waved at her, smiling. He looked… relieved? As if it was of extreme importance that he spotted Lisa right away.

That thought made her grin. If there was something she had learned about Michael in the relatively short time they had spent together since meeting at the carnival, it was that he was a little control freak. A bit obsessive-compulsive too, but she didn’t mind. That too was part of his charm. He was the full package of imperfect perfection, with his flaws and spectacular qualities and she knew that no matter what, she would never be able to erase the traces he had already left inside of her.

But right now, she had to get in the car and get psychologically ready to see him again at the hotel. As the driver took her trolley and put it in the trunk of the Suburban, she tried hard to remind herself that she was in New York to meet with a friend. It didn’t matter what had happened between her and Michael at his ranch: he was her friend first and foremost. And she didn’t want to look like a needy, lovestruck puppy anyway.

Without waiting for the driver to do it for her, Lisa opened the car door to the back seats. The man looked startled and closed the trunk in a hurry.

“Miss… Please, allow me to help you out…”

“No, it’s OK.” Lisa smiled and raised her hand. “I can get in the car by myself. Thank you.”

She sat and squinted her eyes, trying to get acquainted with the sudden darkness. She was just about to take off her coat when he spoke.

“Welcome to New York, princess.”

She almost jumped out of her skin.

“What the fuck?! Are you trying to kill me, hidden in the dark like that?”

Michael giggled and turned on a small light near the car door, then closed the courtesy curtain.

“Not at all. Quite the opposite.” He scooted closer to her. “You got such a potty mouth.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when someone tries to give me a darn heart attack…”

He smiled.

“Potty, but beautiful. Here… Let me make it better.”

He touched her chin, tilting her face up, then kissed her. Slow, gentle pecks that were not at all friendly but also managed to remain relatively chaste. It looked like Michael had already made up his mind about the extent of their friendliness. The sensation went straight to Lisa’s chest, and she felt it tighten.

Comfort. Immediate, utter comfort.

“Lise… I’m so happy you’re here…” His face was still very close as he seemed to study her. His eyes narrowed and she noticed the slight hint of insecurity. Always there, always barely visible. “Are you happy to be here?”

Lisa blinked. She watched him, from one eye to the other. She vaguely registered that his hair was a bit messy, and that he wore a simple grey hoodie and black pants. He looked amazing. Then her hand came up and to the back of his neck and she pulled him into her kiss. And this time, nothing was friendly about it.

They kept cuddling, kissing, talking as the car drove through New York by night, watching the lights and the neons, people walking around the city that never slept. And if Lisa had felt tired and dazed once landed at the airport, she was now fully awake once again. Vibrant and lively, caught into Michael’s aura.

She loved how he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him, holding her as they just enjoyed their reconnection. The car was quiet and dark, the drive was smooth. A part of her wanted the moment to never end, because it was just so perfect in its simplicity. On the other hand, she now felt the intense need to be alone with Michael.

“You tired?” He asked at one point. Then he kissed her head.

Lisa smiled, snuggling against his chest.

“I was. Not anymore.”

“Amazing.”

“You mean we aren’t going to sleep now?”

She was joking, and he knew it. Just like he knew that hers was nothing but a rhetorical question.

“Well, I was thinking about just… You know, hanging out for a bit.”

“And talk?”

She felt him smile against her hair before he kissed her head again.

“Yeah… Talk. I missed… talking to you, Lise. I would love for us to… talk some more.”

A couple of hours later they were still talking, alright. As a matter of fact, they had been talking non-stop since they had set foot in the hotel. With their hands and their lips and their bodies. Naked and entangled in the sheets of Michael’s bed, in his suite, they knew there would be time for more profound conversations, or at least verbal ones, but later. For now, what they both needed was the closeness that always came with their physical connection.

Michael usually felt quite lonely during his tours, but this time it had been heaven and hell at the same time. Having the chance to speak to Lisa over the phone almost on a daily basis had somehow made everything more tolerable – the stress, the fatigue, and yes, the loneliness. However, sometimes hearing her voice was not enough. He had missed her physical presence more than he was prepared for and, finally, having her there in his arms felt heavenly. It felt like reaching a destination.

They were now sitting in bed, facing each other and Lisa’s legs were draped over Michael’s. As usual, they were staring into each other’s eyes as they moved together, in slow, controlled strokes that kept their climax barely at bay. The intensity of the pleasure they could inflict upon each other was almost painful. They were perfectly in tune, their breathing uneven and yet almost synchronized. And they both shared that same sense of openness – soul-wise – that at least for the time being needed to be concealed.

As Michael kept moving into her, his hands traveled over her arms and shoulders, then caressed her back. Lisa somehow mirrored his movements, her fingertips slowly tracing his pectorals, the lines and muscles of his torso, then up to his neck, the back of his head.

“Lisa…”

“Yeah…”

“I did miss this… Missed you…”

He was panting.

She swallowed and caressed the side of his neck.

“I missed you too…”

Why deny it? It was so exhausting to keep fighting this onslaught of pleasure, desire, chemistry. To resist this magic.

Leaning in, she kissed him, then moved her body and came to sit in his lap fully, wincing as her lithe body worked to accommodate his size. This man was so crazy big, in all the ways that counted. As she kept kissing him, she pushed him back lightly until he lay down on his back. It was hard to put into words the effect he had on her.

“Oh, shit… Baby…” Michael held her by the waist and she leaned forward again, their foreheads touching as they breathed each other. Her lower body moving out of its own volition. “God…damn it… You ride me so well… Don’t stop…”

Lisa smiled, then started to kiss his neck, sucking on his skin, loving his taste, the warmth of his body against hers. It all already felt so familiar. How was it even possible to fool herself and believe that this could be nothing but a friendly meeting? What had she been thinking? That she and Michael would be playing scrabble, or going to the movies like two old buddies?

For once, she was glad she had been delusional.

As her thoughts kept racing, ignoring how her body already knew where the truth actually resided, Michael wrapped his arms around her torso. Without leaving the tightness of her body, he rolled over and reversed their positions, coming to rest right on top of her.

Moaning, Lisa held onto his neck, felt his sweaty skin under her fingertips and that tiny, apparently silly detail managed to whip her arousal into a frenzy.

In the couple of days that she and Michael had spent at his ranch, they had managed to make love countless times. As if they were trying to create as many memories as humanly possible of what they had, in such a short time. They of course had made love in his bed, and in the stables… but also in the outdoor heated swimming pool late at night, in the kitchen, and in the spectacular library inside the main mansion. They had already loved each other in so many different ways, and yet just lying there together, now, in such a common position, felt more intimate than ever.

They felt connected on a deeper level, their hands feeling the need to rediscover every inch of naked skin while they kept kissing and moving together. Lisa stroked his back, then ran her fingers through his hair and entwined her legs with his as his tongue explored her mouth. He left her lips and his kisses trailed down, to her collarbone, then her breasts. Lisa whimpered and arched as his mouth closed on her nipple.

“Oh, shit…”

Still sucking on her, Michael held her hands and their fingers interlaced. Slowly, he moved her hands above her head as his torso rose and his movements became sharper, deeper.

“Mike…”

“Yeah… God damn it… Lisa…”

He frowned and she could tell that he was almost there. The idea of having him inside, of feeling him reach his peak and release inside of her made her stomach flutter and a pang of pleasure reached her in between her legs. Before she knew what was what she started to writhe, her body held down by his weight, her hands still pinned over her head, his eyes staring right into her soul.

“I’m coming… Oh, fuck…”

Michael smiled, breathlessly, his expression showing both the immense effort he was exerting to fight off his own pleasure and his triumph in having her come undone. Automatically, she locked her legs around his waist, granting him an even deeper contact, and he flinched. Yeah, mister… two could play that game.

He finally let go of her hands and she grabbed his head, pulling him down, kissing him, her hips pushing up against him, not allowing him any way out. Still kissing her, he started to moan and then froze. Lisa opened her eyes, witnessing the destruction of every barrier, every emotional wall, every defense as he finally started to come with a violence that took his voice away, leaving him breathless. The feeling of absolute power she experienced at that very moment was hard to explain rationally, however that wasn’t what worried her. The realization that she was in love with him did. She was not falling for him. She already had.

Michael sunk against her, his face hidden in the hollow of her neck, his chin nuzzling her soft skin. He was still panting. Smiling, Lisa took a deep breath and held him, her fingers entangled in his sweaty hair as she kissed his temple again and again.

“I like how you say hello…”

“Damn it, girl… You almost killed me…”

Exhausted, she giggled.

“Yeah, blame me…”

His face still buried against her, she felt him smile, then he nipped at her shoulder.

“Come here… Kiss me…”

His hoarse voice was the biggest turn on and Lisa turned her head slightly, finding his lips. They never had enough of that. Kissing was one of the things they obviously loved doing the most. They had found a perfect connection in that, too, their tongues sliding against each other in a seductive dance, as if they were making love with their mouths. She felt him starting to grow inside of her once again and broke the kiss, laughing.

“…Seriously?”

He gave her a lopsided smirk, his eyebrows springing up.

“Not my fault.”

“It’s totally your fault.” Lisa stroked his cheek and bestowed some more light kisses on his lips. “But you gotta give me a minute here, tiger.”

“I gotta give you something else, actually…” Michael moved onto a kneeling position, looking down at her with that boyish grin. His hands on her butt, his half-hard penis still buried inside of her.

“I need to rest for a moment, Mike! I’m serious!” Lisa laughed, not at all embarrassed to be so exposed to him. To have his eyes on her naked body. She felt comfortable with him. She felt beautiful.

“I am too…” His teeth sinking into his bottom lip, he gave her a few, slow inner thrusts, making her moan. Her laugh subsided and she held onto the headboard, staring at him. To be honest, if he wanted to stay where he was, she was more than fine with it.

Michael stilled his movements and exhaled a deep breath.

“But first…” Carefully, he withdrew from her body and gazed down at the place of their connection, looking very pleased with himself. And he had all the reasons to be. Lisa loved his cockiness, because it was never devoid of tenderness. “First, there really is something I need to give you…”

He got off the bed and started retrieving his clothes from the floor. Lisa sat up against the pillows, gazing at him.

“Mike…”

“Yeah?” He turned his head to look at her.

“You don’t need to get dressed… You…” She shrugged. “…I like the way you look now.”

He squinted his eyes, clearly surprised by her words. Then smiled, and it was like the sky opening after a storm.

“Yeah? OK, then…” He scratched the back of his neck. “Now, stay there for a second, alright… don’t move…”

Lisa laughed.

“Where do you think I should go? This crazy guy I’ve been seeing forgot to book a room for me, so…”

Once again Michael smiled.

“No, he didn’t, he just wanted you in his bed. And I can’t blame him. Stay there.”

Naked and glorious, he walked out of the bedroom and Lisa just relaxed in the sheets, thinking about how otherworldly all of this felt. And knowing very well that, as usual, it was likely just a small, perfect parenthesis in their chaotic lives.

Michael came back a couple of minutes later, holding a garment packaging box. The box was red, with a golden ribbon. Lisa frowned.

“What’s that?”

“Something I got for you…” He sat on the bed and placed the box on the sheets. “Open it…”

His voice was soft and Lisa took a deep breath, genuinely taken aback by his gesture.

“You got a present for me? Mike… I don’t have anything for you…”

“You got plenty.” Scooting closer, he kissed her and they stayed enveloped in their hazy cloud for a minute, drugged by the connection they shared.

“Please, open it… So you can tell me what you think of it and then I can ask you that other thing I gotta ask you.”

It was pretty evident that he was excited like a kid and Lisa smiled, shaking her head. Nut.

“OK…”

Very slowly, she untied the knot and opened the box. Inside of it, there was a beautiful haute couture sheath dress, carefully folded. A classic, black velvet sheath dress. And another box, a smaller one.

“Mike…”

“Open the other box…”

The shape was unmistakable. Lisa already knew what that thing contained, and she was not sure she wanted to see it.

“There’s no need to, Michael, really… I mean, the dress… Gosh, it’s so fucking beautiful…” She took it out and observed him, her fingers caressing the velvet. “Why did you get me an evening dress, anyway?”

“I’ll tell you in a bit. But you gotta open the other box, first… Please…”

OK… fine. He could be unrelenting.

Swallowing, Lisa complied. And found herself face to face with a breathtaking parure. Which was exactly what she was expecting. What she was not ready for was the blinding beauty of the jewels Michael had chosen for her.

It was the complete set: a diamond and aquamarine choker, earrings and a bracelet. And they all left her speechless.

Her mouth opened but no sound came out of it. She glanced up at him, and noticed that he was blushing.

“I wanted something to match the dress… And your beauty. The first part was easy, but now that I have you here I realize… the second part is almost impossible. Nothing compares.” He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Oh, fuck you, Mike…” Lisa sniffled and placed the box down, then turned to him, kissing him. Trying hard not to bawl like a little girl because he was just too damn sweet for human comprehension. She felt him smile against her lips.

“I take it you like it?”

“Yeah. But I like you, more than anything.”

“Good… ‘Cause I really need you to be there with me, tomorrow night.”

“Why? What happens tomorrow night?”

He had taken her into his arms and she was snuggling against his chest again. She was not sure she could look at him at the moment. All of this was too overwhelming. Lisa knew that seeing Michael again would create havoc inside of her. But she had not been prepared for all this.

“The Grammys.”

“What?!” Forgetting her usual shyness, she frowned and pulled back, turning to him fully. His eyes were mischievous. “The Grammys?”

“Yeah. And I would like you to go with me.”

“But it’s gonna be on TV…”

“Of course. Is it a problem?”

Taking a deep breath, Lisa sat up against the pillows. Glancing at him, she noticed that he was staring back at her, waiting for her ifs and buts. Probably expecting them.

“No, it’s not a problem…”

“Well, then… There you have it.” Michael laughed. “We’re going together.”

“No, wait a minute!” Lisa pushed him, playfully. “Why? Why do you want me to go with you?”

Turning serious, he tilted his head.

“Why do I want you to be with me…” It looked like it was maybe the first time he asked himself that. “Because you… mean a lot to me. And I know that having you there would make everything even more special.”

She too lay down on her side, facing him. Reaching out, she raked her fingers through his curls.

“Are you sure…”

“Yeah…” Michael’s hand came to rest on her hip.

“How many nominations you got?”

“Four.”

This time she smiled, shaking her head. She had fallen in love with a genius. And he knew he was a genius, she could sense it. What he didn’t need to know, right now, was how lost in him she was.

“Then… I’m sure we’re gonna be celebrating tomorrow.”

“You really think so?” He tilted his head, still watching her intently.

Lisa touched his cheek.

“God, yes. You’re just so damn talented. And I know it doesn’t mean much, but I’m so proud of you…”

“It means a lot.”

One more kiss.

“So, what do you want me to do for you? Be there as your friend?”

His eyes narrowed.

“Is that what we are?”

Lisa chuckled, trying to ease up the tension.

“You want me to be there as your date?”

Michael shrugged.

“Maybe. Look, Lise… I just want you to be there. By my side, sharing the moment with me. I’ve been working so hard on this album, I know it’s a flippin’ good album, I know it… and I want the night to be special. And you… Well, you do make everything special.”

Oh, fucking hell. This time her eyes watered up because he was a damn sap and she couldn’t do a darn thing about it.

“OK, then. Deal. If you want me there, I’ll be there. With you. As long as you treat me with some good drinks afterward. ‘Cause Michael, you gotta know… This isn’t who I am. I hate being in the spotlight and I hope I won’t fucking crumble in front of everyone. That would be such bad press for you.”

Michael chuckled.

“Don’t worry… I’ll make sure you’re fine.”

New York City, twenty-four hours later

The drive back to the hotel had been torturous and, this time, he had not held her and they hadn’t watched the city by night together. He had just sat in a corner, biting the inside of his cheek, staring outside the car window. Not uttering a word.

As a matter of fact, Lisa couldn’t stop thinking about what in the world she could do to make sure that he was fine. ‘Cause sure as fuck, the night hadn’t ended the way both she and Michael – hell, everyone! – had envisioned.

And to think, everything had started out so flawlessly. Earlier that evening, Michael had left and had gone to another suit, where he had gotten dressed for the night with the help of his staff. However, Lisa knew that he had also done it to leave her space and time to get ready, as well.

He had come back about an hour later, looking magnificent. Looking like a king.

When he had opened the door, she was standing there, in front of the mirror in the foyer, studying her outfit and the way the jewelry he had chosen for her looked on her. Michael had asked her if she needed any help with hair and makeup, but Lisa had refused, opting to take care of everything by herself. After all, she had decided to keep it simple and yet elegant: light makeup, a classic updo.

From the reflection in the mirror, she had noticed Michael leaning against the door frame, just staring at her.

Quietly, he had walked over and had placed his hands on her waist, their eyes meeting in the mirror.

“You’re gorgeous.”

“Is it good enough for you, Sir?” She had joked.

He had placed a light kiss on her neck.

“It’s more than enough. You’re a princess. I’ll have to pay attention not to kiss you in front of everyone, if I ever win something.” Closing his eyes, he had inhaled the scent of her skin, then he had whispered into her ear. “And I can’t wait to come back here and peel that dress off you.”

“Then… We better hurry up.”

And so they had gone together. Lisa could tell how excited he was. He also exuded self-confidence, and he had all the reasons in the world to do so. She had a sorta-kinda relationship with the man behind the mask, but she should have lived on darn Uranus not to know that Michael, as an artist, was at the top of his game.

He thought the chance of cleaning out the Grammys was pretty high and, quite frankly, she had thought the same.

Only, it had not happened. Not even once. He had not won one single award. And given the caliber – if so she could define it – of some of the winners, after a bit it had become pretty clear to her that Michael was being purposefully snubbed.

At that very moment, when Lisa had realized that she was very much capable of reading and interpreting the barrage of emotions written on his face – stupor, incertitude, disappointment, sadness – she had completely forgotten how tense she had been as they entered the building, hand in hand, having everyone’s eyes on them. Cameras flashing everywhere, the audience applauding.

She had heard people whispering and Michael had squeezed her hand lightly, turning to her, communicating with his eyes everything that his words could not say out loud in that environment. To stay with him. That they got this.

For a moment she had almost believed him. But when she had realized what the industry was doing to him, everything else had been pushed aside and a red haze had enveloped everything. She recognized the feeling because she had felt it before: it was rage, pure and undiluted.

Rage because of how obviously Michael was being treated. As if they wanted to take him down a peg or two.

She had heard rumors, in the past, in some social circles – in those rare occasions when she had acquiesced to accompany her mother to some of her business events. How famous Michael had become. How rich. How powerful and influential. Maybe even a little too much for a boy from Indiana. She had pretty much dismissed those comments, considering them nothing but the bullshit coming from some old white fogies. She had been naive.

Michael was loved by his audience, so very much – but feared and envied by his peers. They were jealous of him. In a way that was cruel, vindictive and a bit morbid. In a way that had worried Lisa immediately. People swarming Michael and smothering him with smiles so obviously fake that she wanted to throw up. Testing him, trying to see if they could get in his good graces, if they could associate themselves with the goose shitting gold. She had just stayed quiet and had observed the scene, feeling mighty uncomfortable but also admiring his extreme resilience and professionalism.

Despite everything, at one point he had gone on stage to perform and he had burned the whole fucking theater down. He had been acclaimed for the otherworldly artist that he was, for his talent, for his unique charisma. When he had just dropped onto his knees, all the while singing, begging, pleading everyone to stand up, stand up for their brothers and sisters, Lisa had felt shivers run down her spine, her heart beating loudly in her ears. He was different.

Michael was magic, and he would never be forgiven for that.

She had hoped that the performance could allow him to release some of the steam, but that had not been the case, once again. At the end of the night, while they walked back to their limousine, he had been monosyllabic at best. And when finally they had gotten in the car, he had let go of her hand and sunk into complete silence.

She had just let him be. Sometimes she went through those moments as well and she knew that she needed the peace, the quietness. It helped her soothe her erratic thoughts.

Maybe, just maybe, Michael needed just the same thing.

She had given him space even when they had arrived at the hotel and he had taken her hand again, holding onto her as the elevator went from floor to floor. The two security guards still with them had not uttered a word, likely more familiar with their boss’ moods than Lisa was.

For a moment, she had felt uncomfortable and had wondered if she should have gotten another room – at least for the night. Then she remembered that the suite she was staying in, with Michael, had more than one bedroom.

They entered the suite together and he closed the door, locked it, then walked over to the bar corner in the living room.

“Want something to drink?”

Lisa tried to gauge his intentions. He seemed calm, but his voice was bland, colorless. She saw him pour himself some whiskey.

“Wine, thank you.”

“White?”

“Red.”

He obliged, and walked over to her, handing her the glass and finally meeting her eyes.

“Michael…”

“Yes.” He downed his drink but kept his eyes on her. They were remote. Not hard, but also not as soft as they usually were. As Lisa had learned they could be.

“I’m so sorry.”

A muscle on his face flinched, imperceptibly.

“It’s OK. Shit happens.”

Shit happens? Was that it? Michael could be countless things, as she had come to learn, but she had never seen him so dismissive before. Like a beautiful alien. As if he was trying his best to ice her out, or didn’t want to let her in. It was a new side of him that Lisa had never witnessed before. She usually was the one hiding behind massive emotional walls.

“Yeah, but that’s not the kind of shit that should have happened…” Shaking her head, she finally realized how frustrated she was. At what had transpired at the Radio City Music Hall. At his behavior, that was becoming more and more incomprehensible to her. “Do you wanna know what I think?”

She was seriously ready to go off like a rocket and speak her mind, and tell him everything she had noticed earlier that night. But then Michael did something that she would have never expected. He raised his hand and gave her a tired smile that never reached his eyes.

“Lise… Look. No, I really don’t. Not right now. As a matter of fact, I am exhausted and I need a shower.” He started to loosen his tie around his neck. “And I was just thinking… Ah, you can take the other bedroom if you want. For tonight, I mean.”

Lisa opened her mouth, then closed it again, flabbergasted. His eyes stared into space for a moment, then he quietly left the room and she just let him go.

Ten minutes later, Lisa entered the steam-filled bathroom without even bothering to knock on the door which, on a side note, Michael had left ajar. She could see him under the water jet, the outline of his naked body visible through the glass, and by his movements she could tell that he knew she was there. However, he didn’t say anything and just kept standing there.

Quietly, Lisa removed her jewelry, the pins holding her hairdo together, her high heels and outfit. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Michael had now turned and was facing her. Only a wet, steamy glass slab separating them. She grinned, ever so imperceptibly, knowing well that he could barely make out her body. But maybe that was tantalizing enough for him as it was for her.

Lisa finished to take off her clothes and, completely naked, opened the glass door. She was met by Michael’s dark eyes and just looking at him, standing there, dripping wet, his hair a mess, was enough to make her feel weak in the knees.

“Scoot back a little…”

Her voice was soft and he frowned, ever so slightly, then moved a step back. His eyes no longer looking remote, but inquisitive. Lisa stepped into the shower and gazed up at him, almost catching her breath at their sudden closeness.

“Turn around…”

Michael cocked his head to a side, then obeyed. Lisa inhaled deeply, then started lathering his back using the shower gel, allowing her fingers to massage his muscles, to caress him, soothe his pain. His head dropped forward, under the water jet, and he allowed the intimate contact. After a while, she knew he was starting to relax and her caresses continued, reaching his shoulders, the small of her back, his sides.

When she heard him break down and sob and felt him shiver under her fingers, she wasn’t even surprised. As a matter of fact, she was expecting that moment. The dam to open. His real feelings to seep through, becoming almost tangible again.

Michael cried and Lisa knew that his tears were driven by disappointment, hurt, but also rage and frustration. She just stayed quiet and let him take his time to get through the barrage of sensations he so obviously felt. She was there with him. Everything was good. She could try to break his fall if necessary. As long as he wanted her there and didn’t push her away.

At one point, as his sobs finally subsided, she wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her cheek against his back, closing her eyes for a moment. Then she pulled back when she heard him moving.

Michael turned, and their eyes met once again. His were reddened and puffy, but still he was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen in her life. Without breaking eye-contact, Lisa resumed her caresses, her hands this time gently touching his torso, his pectorals and stomach.

Soon, her lips joined the heady feast. She wanted to comfort him, and it was bizarre how comforting him managed to do the same to her, in a moment when her world was somehow tilting out of control. Because of him. Or thanks to him.

Under her kisses his breathing quickened and his hands too started to touch her. Her lips descended, slowly, skimming over his abdomen and sides, and then moving lower again. He just let her, not saying a word, but not stopping her either.

When Lisa crouched down and finally opened her eyes again, she glanced up and noticed that he was looking down at her, his arms hanging by his sides. But he was aroused. His body could not lie to her.

Her kisses continued, on his pelvic bone, his thighs, as her hands kept caressing him. His sides, his legs, his perfect ass. Michael moaned and she knew he needed more. She did too. And so she held him into her hand, as usual surprised by the fact that her fingers could barely reach around, and then her lips found him. She felt him shiver and took him into her mouth for a long, heavenly moment, elated to notice that he was no longer standing still, and that his hips had now joined the dance, albeit so slowly.

It was very hard for her to stop. She loved taking him that way. She loved being somehow at his mercy and yet in control, down on her knees in front of him. No other man had ever made her feel so safe during sex. And she had never desired anyone like she desired him, body and soul.

Standing up again, she barely had the time to take a breath before he grabbed her head with both hands and kissed her hard, with all the pent-up frustration he had tried so hard to suppress for the entire night. He was strong, and she had no intention to stop him or limit him in any way.

When he turned her body and pressed her against the cold tiles, she yelped but immediately closed her arms around his neck, knowing what was going to happen next. And she was right. Still kissing her like a madman, Michael picked her up and her legs locked around his hips. He guided himself inside her body and she welcomed the sweet mixture of pain and pleasure that always accompanied that first hit.

This time it wasn’t slow and it wasn’t sweet. Their passionate lovemaking conveyed the emotional tug of war going on inside both of them, turning it into a furious communion of souls. Colors mingling, like a watercolor.

Lisa didn’t know how many times he was able to make her come but, at one point, she was sure he was going to split her in two, and probably she wouldn’t have minded. As long as he was there. As long as he was with her and they were joined like this. The last barrier sheltering her heart shattered and she cried out, convulsing around him once again, her fingernails digging into the solid muscles of his back. The words poured out like blood from a cut before she could do anything to stop them.

“Oh, fuck! Oh, my God… I love you. I love you.”

Michael’s movements slowed down and his eyes flew up to her. He was panting and looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Or maybe she was just projecting, and that was nothing but the reflection of herself in his dark irises.

“I’m sorry…” She was breathless.

“Say it again…” He thrust upward, making her cry out. She saw him grit his teeth. “Say it… Say it…”

“I love you… Oh shit… I’m in love with you…”

His rhythm picked up speed one more time and she knew he was going wild, that he was losing control. She desperately tried to hold onto the last bit of sanity left in a moment when sanity was way overrated. Still, before she could even try to suppress her own reactions, she was coming again, violently. And he, with her.

“Oh, fuck!” This time, he was the one moaning out loud, his eyes squeezing shut, an expression of perfect ecstasy on his face. “Oh, God… I love you, Lise… I fucking love you…”

The moment seemed to last forever, a climax that transcended the physical aspect of their lovemaking. She never wanted to let him go. She wanted to hold him inside of her forever, protecting him, sheltering him, and being sheltered and protected in return.

It took him a while to finally put her back down, and when he did, his body sunk against her and they kissed. Her hands on his face, his arms holding her close. He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against her.

“I love you… I swear, I do… Please be with me.” His eyes closed and she felt her own burning. “Be more than my lover. Be my queen. Be mine.”

“I am yours.” She kissed him again. “I can’t help it.”

And it was the truth. As transparent and ferocious as only the truth could be.