Red – Part 3 [Epilogue]

Red [Part 3 – Epilogue]

When I woke up again, it was no longer night and Lisa was asleep. We had also reversed our positions even though I didn’t remember having ever woken up. Not once.

I glanced at my watch and noticed that it was about seven in the morning, and the sky was now a blissful shade of pink outside the huge window. Still spooning Lisa, I just stayed put for a while, enjoying our closeness and feeling the familiarity of this. And maybe, just maybe, fearing it would come to an end.

It had been so long since the last time she and I had spent the night together, just falling asleep in each other’s arms. Usually, whenever we had met in the past few years, it had been to make love. To cheat time and indulge in our torrid, secret affair. It was like a drug for us, that chemistry, that connection. It didn’t matter what public image or appearances we decided to keep up, because nothing ever mattered when we were alone in a room.

So I was somehow taken aback by the sudden change of pattern. But really, I had been exhausted hours earlier, to the point that I could barely keep my eyes open. And Lisa must have followed me soon after, even though I knew she was still awake when I had fallen asleep. As usual, sleeping was never a threat when she was close to me.

As the blur in my mind slowly started to dissolve, I remembered I had dreamed of making love to her. It made all the sense in the world… my hypnagogic phase had supplied what had been missing in the real world, it had filled the gap by reliving what was familiar and natural to us. I remembered the closeness, the intensity and the lust of it all as if it had happened for real. It had been so vivid. However, glancing down I noticed that Lisa and I were both still fully clothed. Our clothes were crumpled and messed up, yes, but exactly where they were supposed to be. Except for the shoes. I assumed we had kicked those off at one point during the night.

Feeling slightly cold, I reached out and grabbed a comforter from the other side of the bed, then threw it over Lisa and me. She stirred and her perfect little butt pushed back into me. Well… Baby girl better keep her distance, if she wanted me to behave. I was older and tattered, yes, but still very much human.

“Michael…”

“Mh…” I kissed her head. Her voice told me that she was still asleep. Which explained why she clutched my hand and held her against her breasts as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Like she would do when we were married. Or the most non-divorced divorced couple in the world. OK… she was definitely still half-out of it.

“Whatcha doing…”

“Nothin’… Go back to sleep.” Snuggling into her once again, I held her close and she interlaced her fingers with mine. From the way she was breathing, I knew she was pretty much awake now, despite my best efforts. She too had looked exhausted last night. However, she couldn’t help but push back into me once again and, at that point, there was no doubt she knew what was going on down there. Something that I could not control whenever she was this close. Natural – or nuclear – reaction. For now, I just pretended it was nothing at all.

“I am so sorry about what I told you over the phone.” She squeezed my hand. “It wasn’t the truth. I just didn’t know how to handle… everything. I wish I hadn’t said that.”

Oh, I now knew that she had lied to herself and me. But it was so beautiful to hear her say it out loud. However, I knew I still had to tread carefully. The previous night had ended up going way better than I expected, but this was far from over. There was still so much to do, to say… To decide. No more knee-jerk reactions and rash decisions. We deserved better than that and maybe, this time, we would be able to recognize it.

“I understand why you did it, though.”

“You do?”

This time she turned, still wrapped in my embrace, and her drowsy eyes found me.

“Yeah.”

There was nothing else to add. She knew. I did too. I saw her gaze move from my eyes to my lips, then up to my eyes again. The room was so quiet. The atmosphere so peaceful. Every single thing was perfect in its imperfection.

My hand came up and I touched her chin with the back of my fingers. Lisa tilted her head up and her lips parted. It was all the confirmation I needed.

The first kiss was gentle, almost tentative. An exploration, as if we both needed to evaluate the boundaries – or lack thereof – of this new thing we were now living. But we had known each other for so long, and we had been together in this so many times, that our bodies soon went on autopilot. They knew what to do and they knew what they craved. That intimacy – that last step toward complete togetherness that was still missing. And that silent definition of the people we were finally becoming.

And still, it was different. The all-consuming passion, the devastating fire that had sometimes accompanied our last sexual encounters, was replaced by a dazed, unhurried, languid lovemaking. I wondered if, in the past few years, we had tried to set each other ablaze to the point that nothing remained, while this was us planting the seed of something that was supposed to bloom with time. And grow stronger and stronger, like a magnificent tree.

What had not changed was the desire I felt for her. This red hot, heavenly inferno. The physical connection that had kept me hooked to her since we had met again as adults and that had never really vanished, no matter how dramatic we could be outside the bedroom. The hunger for her body, her touch, her taste.

Lisa turned fully as our kiss deepened and her arms came out, closing around my neck, pulling me down and into her. She wanted this as much as I did, her message in Morse code was so clear. I caressed her body, needing to rediscover her and my fingers found her hot skin underneath her clothes. She moaned in my mouth and whatever was left of my indolence just disappeared. I needed to feel her, and I needed for her to feel all of me.

Her small hands pushed my jacket down my shoulders until I let go of her lips for a moment, just to get rid of the pesky item of clothing. All the while, she took off her blouse and I loved how her eyes stayed on me as she started to fumble with her pants. The confusion and the hurt I had seen reflected in her blue-green irises the night before were gone and what I saw now was a hue that I knew so very well. Once again, familiar and new. It made me feel giddy. Exhilarated.

I knew at one point we were just skin on skin. The temperature in the room perfect. The absence of sound like a blanket around us. Our solitude – chosen for once.

I knew I kissed down her naked body, reacquainting myself with the texture of her skin and her taste. I knew she arched into me and held onto my head, kissing the top of it, then pushing me down where she wanted me, her legs parting. I knew I loved her lack of bashfulness and her complete faith in me – at least when it came to this. And maybe about so much more than sex, now. I knew I about lost it when she came the first time, sighing and moaning in the silence of the room and I knew I loved it when she pulled me back up and toward her mouth, wanting to taste herself on my lips.

She allowed me to take control of our lovemaking and granted me the illusion of dominance and power I needed so much at that very moment. It was also what she needed – to allow herself to just let go, to just be taken and to be completely comfortable in her choice. And she was.

When I first slid into her body, the feeling was so powerful that I almost blacked out. Her hands framing my face, her uneven breathing were my anchor, and her body was my harbor after a long, arduous crossing in a stormy ocean. I knew I moved inside of her and that she moved with me, our dance as perfect as it had always been. I felt her thighs cradling my hips, her foot caressing the back of my legs and I recognized myself in the reflection of her eyes as they spoke to me silently. I knew we kissed until we were both out of breath and I knew all the words of lust she whispered into my ear as her fingers were tangled in my sweaty hair. Telling me what she wanted, knowing what I wanted in the process.

The heat started to devour me.

As I hurled toward the point of non-return, toward the black hole that was about to pull me in, as I reveled in the feeling of being the most willing captive of her body, I backed off and raised my torso just enough to focus on her face. She was so perfect when she felt loved. So invincible and unbreakable.

“Mike… I love you…”

Her words, between a moan and whisper, were uttered as she clung to my neck. Her other hand resting on my chest, right above my heart. I blinked, but kept moving, staring at her, wanting to seize this moment forever. Wanting it to be the beginning.

“Oh, God… I love you too.”

Afterward, we stayed quiet and just took it easy. Entangled in the sheets, just watching the morning resume its splendid, luminous routine outside our little refuge. Such a miraculous Christmas, indeed. The light shade of pink changed and the sky turned almost lilac – the color that always foreboded the arrival of the snow.

I waited patiently. I had learned.

“Mike… Look, it’s snowing!”

I had not realized I had dozed off again. Opening my eyes, I saw Lisa propping up on her elbow, pulling the sheet up to cover her breasts. Her long hair was tousled and she was a sight to behold. For a moment I just could not stop looking at her.

“You’re right. It’s beautiful.”

“Yes, it is! I wanna go out. I wanna touch the snow.”

She turned to look at me and I noticed that she was watching me the way she used to do before our world shattered. Back then, when we were perfect. She was also smiling and whatever burden had held her down in the past seemed to be gone. I guess saying those simple words we both had kept for ourselves for quite some time had worked its magic. Or maybe it had been the way and the reason why we had said them. The quality those words held now that everything had changed.

“You wanna go out? For real?”

“Yes. Right now.”

“OK, but not down there. What about the rooftop of the hotel?”

“Can we go there? For real?”

“Of course we can.” I sat up, feeling replenished. So young again. “Come on, lazy. And we’re gonna bring a blanket, ‘cause it’s darn cold out there.”

“Stop being a wuss… Put your clothes on.”

I chuckled. She wasn’t being bitchy at all. The words were delivered with a purr as she leaned over and we kissed. Maybe, just maybe, she was just thinking that once we’d be done with our moment outside, the clothes would come off again. Great minds did think alike.

Laughing and joking, we managed to take a quick shower together and put on our crumpled clothes. Suddenly it hit me. I had arrived at the hotel without any baggage – at least not a physical one – but Lisa had a suitcase. A red one.

“Where’s your trolley, Lisa?”

“Ah… I dropped it out there, in the hallway. Maybe someone retrieved it and put it back in the other suite.”

“What if they stole it?”

She started to put on her shoes.

“I don’t give a damn…”

Well… Fair enough.

Of course, we managed to sneak up to the massive terrace on the rooftop pretty much unnoticed. Nobody was paying attention to us, on an early morning two days away from Christmas. When we got there, everything was already covered by a soft, fluffy blanket of snow. And Manhattan as a whole sounded strangely, peacefully silent.

Lisa and I enjoyed the spectacular view wrapped in our warm comforter and, when she started to shake, I pulled her close to me. Everything felt so right, so weightless. Lisa’s arms around my torso, her head leaning against my shoulder. At one point, I realized there was just one last burden I felt. The only ferrymen left as I finally reached the shore. The last symbol of a past translated into the present.

“Baby girl…”

“What…” She turned her head and kissed my shoulder, but her eyes, open and serene, stayed on the snow-covered city.

“I almost forgot… I have something to give you…”

Pushing my hand into the pocket of my jacket, I found the small box and took it out. Lisa gazed up at me.

“What is this?”

Taking a deep breath, I opened the box, showing her the ring I had chosen for her. For us.

“Something that made me think of you…”

The red diamond sparkled in the white morning and its color, predominant at first, ended up being swallowed by the complete peace surrounding us. The red became white.

“Michael… It’s so beautiful. What does it mean?”

“I don’t know yet. But I’d love to find out.”

End.