Chapter 6

“Prague lay before him like a mysterious stranger in an old hat. An exotic woman waiting for him in poor light.”
–Victor Gischler

He couldn’t believe that he had been unable to feel her presence right behind his back. Perhaps the problem was that, when Lisa had shown up, she already had invaded every particle of his very own identity – only, on a much more subtle level. His memory, his mind, his blood. And that was maybe why, when Michael finally had realized that he was no longer alone in that wide corridor and had turned – and had seen her – his skin had begun to tingle.

Their eyes had met and for just a split second, just for a fleeting instant, everything had become perfect. Immutable. Eternal. He didn’t know if it was because, as comfortable as he was in this new setting, she was his only safe harbor, the only truly familiar element that he recognized. He just knew that it had happened.

She was just standing there, doing nothing – just watching him. And before it was gone, he had noticed a glimpse in her eyes. It was something tender and, once again, familiar that she immediately had tried to shut down and hide from him.

It didn’t matter because it was too late. He had seen it. There was no mistake in his perception: it was there. And he also knew something else that he had pretended to have forgotten up until this point: regardless of the outcome of their relationship, he would always love her. He would always be in love with her. Because there were just so many reasons to love her, way more reasons than to not love her, and that was something that couldn’t change.

He just had to accept it, without regard to what would happen in the future.

At the same time, Michael was very much aware that he and Lisa were short of ammunition. They had tried and tried and their relationship hadn’t been able to work, at least not in the long run. Maybe it was just time to admit that the invisible rubber band that kept them united would never really vanish and try to move on from there. Perhaps it was time to acknowledge that his feelings for this woman would never change even though he had to go on without her. He understood this now.

Those thoughts, they were a whirlwind. They were an entangled skein that he couldn’t disentangle. Perhaps he had never truly been able to unravel it. The only thing he could do was to let them skim over the surface of his soul, inhabit his mind ever so slightly as he and Lisa walked side by side and she explained to him what the Threshold was all about, in its entirety.

When Dana had offered to show him around the area earlier that day, Michael had refused. Not only because he wanted to get to work and felt inspired and bouncy, but also because he was interested in seeing the place through someone else’s eyes. And not just some random someone’s eyes, but through Lisa’s. Since she was there and all…

Deep down, finding out about her stay in Prague had done something to him. The lack of control had been the first thing hitting him – the realization that he had no idea of how Lisa had been doing since they had broken up. And so, all of a sudden, he had begun to pay even more attention to what was going on around him… and her. He had worked on countless charity projects throughout this life, and each and every single one of them had been unique in its own way. Yet, there was something different about The Threshold. A week would possibly not be enough to discover what it really was… unless he had the chance to feel it through someone else. Someone he knew and trusted.

Lisa was that special person for him, regardless of all their issues. She always would be. How peaceful he felt, deep inside, when he finally became able to mentally register that unavoidable truth.

And so he followed her around quietly. He watched everything she pointed at, listened to every single word she said. He did his best to observe all the details she showed him, like the rose garden behind the building where the guests would sleep. Or the three vegetable gardens she herself had contributed to creating earlier that year. The proud look in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed either.

Then they visited the hangar where the guests would have the chance to work, the outbuilding where the refectory was, the recreational building and the steel church… Everything that made that place a microcosm that people could inhabit, learn a profession and build their future in, be happy and safe. The Threshold occupied an entire lot, a former industrial space that had been in part renovated and in part recreated anew. It was a tiny village nestled very close to the city, just a few minutes away from Prague. The place was massive but linear and minimalist, clean and neat, and perfect in its simplicity. And it was a haven of rest and hope for families and people that had no other place to go, and no resources to survive – or thrive.

Michael walked with Lisa for over an hour and did all that. He immersed himself in the atmosphere and was pleased to know that his money had gone to something beyond good, beyond smart. Something made to last. But more than anything, he became unable to not fall into Lisa. He could feel her vibrate a few inches away from his skin, could see her eyes sparkle with undiluted pride. Hear her voice talk animatedly about something she thoroughly believed in. Something that made her feel content and fulfilled. She was open, unguarded.

And just like that, in the bat of an eyelid, he remembered what it felt like, to see her happy. Too bad this was not at all his doing, it didn’t matter how much money he had invested in the project.

“Lisa…”

He interrupted her mid-sentence and she just stared at him, still wholly enraptured in what she was saying. Caught a bit off guard.

“What?”

“I feel…” He shifted his body weight from one foot to the other. “I think I need to apologize to you.”

Lisa blinked. It looked as if something had reeled her back into the reality of the moment all of a sudden.

“About what?”

“About Paris.”

She closed her mouth and swallowed. Then she cleared her throat.

“Hey, why don’t we go take a look at the auditorium? It’s just around the corner and I feel you might want to-”

Michael reached out and touched her forearm and for a second, for just a split second, it seemed to him that she was about to pull back. To retreat as if he was poisonous or dangerous. He knew exactly the feeling because, at times, it had happened to him too. But then she didn’t move. Instead, she stayed perfectly still, and he could see the struggle going on inside of her. The desire to flee. The instinct to protect herself from reliving an emotional pain that he knew he had caused. And her stubborn intention to stay and finally face the music.

He didn’t even know why he had said those words. They had just come out like that, without warning, and before he could even resonate with them. Or himself, for that matter. He was a mess. He had been a bit of a mess since she had left him, and he had just been able to admit it in the quiet space of his mind only in some very dark, very lonely, very deep moments. Having her there now, communicating with her, all that was making a difference once again. Lisa had always had that power – to make him feel as if he could do more, say more, feel more, hope more. How funny it was, that the feeling hadn’t vanished and instead had just slapped him in the face.

“I don’t think we should talk about that. Not right now, at least. I mean… You know that’s not why we’re here.”

“Not right now? Then when?”

“I don’t know. Not right now.”

Oh, there she was. Lisa wasn’t taking the bait at all. In fact, she was trying to rationalize it all. Miss Instinctive and Spontaneous was suddenly gun-shy and reserved. And he was the one who had caused that. Well… He had stepped into the pit and would not retreat now. He was afraid a moment like this would never happen again, that he wouldn’t be able to take her by surprise a second time.

“No, I know. I know we’re here for something else entirely. But I still think we should talk about last summer. Because…” He let his hand slide down her forearm and someway, somehow, was able to hold onto her hand, ever so slightly. Even if only for a moment. “…Because we’ll be here for a few days still. Together. And I don’t want what happened between us to swing over our heads like some pesky Damocles’ sword.”

“Nothing is swinging over our heads. It was what it was. It happened. I survived, and you did too. See? We’re here, we’re fine. We moved on. We’re talking. We aren’t even fighting.”

Oh, he knew. And yet somehow, he was kind of unprepared to such a mild reaction. He wondered if she hadn’t gone off at him because she didn’t care anymore. Because she had moved on for real. He knew that he had been able to bullshit himself for quite some time in that department, and especially when talking to other people, but Lisa was different. She had always been the moon to his sun. The fire to his water. So unlike him, yet so necessary for him to truly be able to look deep into himself and be honest about what he saw. And at times, even to survive. But that was the past – and she was also right when she said they had survived their own relationship. The deepest peace, yet also the biggest war.

“I know. Lise… Look. Just let me do this, OK? If anything, because I will always care for you… even if we’re not together and even if we’re far away from each other.”

“We’re not together. We’ve been far away from each other in all the ways that matter for quite some time now. No random phone call can change that.”

That stung a bit, yet his face remained stoic.

“I know it can’t.”

Now she was fronting, he could tell. But so was he. They both were being honest, yet they were holding back simultaneously. But he needed to have everything out in the open, to clear the air. He couldn’t imagine pretending that everything was fine and dandy for days, until he flew back home. Away from her again. What was he supposed to do? Act as if nothing happened? Not taking responsibility for his choices had been easier as long as Lisa wasn’t around, but now it was different.

In fact, all was different once again. He just could not yet pinpoint what had changed, but he was sure he would get there eventually.

“Then I’m not sure I understand why you suddenly feel this intense need to talk about stuff that’s part of the past anyway.” She set her jaw, her gaze dropping. “I showed up, you didn’t. It’s that simple.”

And that complicated…

“Other than that, what else is there to say about Paris?”

Really a lot, to be honest.

“Everything, Lisa. We never really talked about it.”

This time, she stepped back and broke whatever physical contact might occur. The invisible thread was shattered.

“That’s right. I called you afterward and you didn’t pick up the phone. In fact, you ignored me for months. Then you called me just a bunch of days ago and complained about feeling lonely, but sure as fuck what happened in Paris didn’t pop up into your mind. So why now?”

Yeah… He knew. And she was right on the money, too. Why now? He just shook his head. He had not been ready, back then. When he had called her. He wanted to hear her voice and pretend that everything was fine for just a moment. And to be able to do that, he needed to ignore what had happened previously.

“Because this is the first time I see you since then. And now that I have you here, right in front of me, I just can’t pretend that what went on doesn’t matter.”

“But it doesn’t! It mattered back then, but not anymore!”

She raised her voice and her frustration became apparent. The truth was that it still mattered – and her behavior had just confirmed it.

“Wait – Lisa, look… Can you just let me explain? Can we at least try to work it out?”

He saw her eyelids flutter closed and she crossed her arms over her chest, as if she was cold, or in pain. Whatever carefree attitude she had displayed up until a minute earlier, when he had crashed her beautiful glass cage of denial, was gone. Her happy mood was gone as well. Michael felt bad about it, but didn’t relent. He had always been a bull when his gut feeling told him that it was necessary to keep pushing.

“Sure. Go ahead. But make it quick.” She swallowed. “I got stuff to do, other people to talk to. I’m not here for the drama.”

Yeah, that was exactly the point. He wasn’t there for the drama either. She kept repeating the same concept over and over again, like a mantra. As if he didn’t know that they happened to be in the same place by pure chance, and that they were supposed to be working. Not doing this.

Sighing, Michael stepped closer to her once again. Close enough to touch her, and suddenly wanting to touch her so bad, even though he knew he better stay put. And so, he pushed his hands in his pockets. Knowing well that this truly was not the time and the place, and that he didn’t have a lot of time. Her patience was obviously running thin, and he couldn’t blame her.

“When I sent you that letter, I meant every single word you read. I wanted to see you, talk to you, tell you that…” He sighed again and his head dropped. No, he couldn’t go there. Not right now at least. And maybe it was too late anyway. “I was on my way over to the station, that day. Had my flowers… your flowers… with me and all.”

Lisa glanced up at him for a moment, frowning. She was suspicious. Then she decided that keeping her eyes downcast and not giving much away was probably the best option.

“And then I got a call from the hotel… Paris wasn’t feeling well. My daughter. She was running a fever and even though Grace told me that she would take care of it, I just…” He shook his head. “I could hear my baby crying in the background. Calling out to me. My priorities changed right away, Lise. There wasn’t space for anything or anyone else in my mind.”

She didn’t say a word. However, her forehead distended a bit and she nodded her head. Her face kept looking beyond saddened.

“So I went back to the hotel and I took care of my kid and forgot about everything else. Hours passed before I could even realize it. The only thing in my mind was how high that fever was running and how bad I felt for her. And then…” His eyes narrowed. “…And then I never called you back, never apologized about not showing up at all. About leaving you there, waiting for me… Knowing I wasn’t gonna be there.”

“Why…”

Lisa’s voice was barely a whisper. He knew what she was asking. Why had he never called her, afterward? After the kid was finally better. To explain. To tell her what had happened and not leave her hanging by a thread. To reassure her that it had never been his intention to make fun of her, let alone humiliate her. Michael knew that was what she thought of the whole situation, and he couldn’t blame her.

“Because I realized that my intentions… what I had implied in my letter, had just clashed with my actual behavior once again. And that I would keep on doing that, if I ever deemed it necessary. How could I even justify such thing to you? Besides, I genuinely couldn’t face you and fight with you again… Not even over the phone. I had no energy left and I knew I had strung you along with that letter, that date. The fact that it was a spur of the moment kinda thing doesn’t make it less sincere, but still… I couldn’t live up to my promise. As usual, I guess, despite accusing you of doing the exact same thing in the past. To me, what happened that day… or didn’t happen… was the zero-sum of everything that defined us. Whatever was gained by one side was lost by the other. You know how it goes…”

She just nodded her head. Not uttering a word. She looked deflated and tired all of a sudden, as if all wind had been knocked out of her sails. Yet, the only thing Michael had in mind – the only thing he didn’t tell her about – were those flowers, which he had found withered and dried up on the back seats of the car, the next day. He didn’t tell her how he had just sat there for a very long time, feeling tears burning his eyes when the force of his epiphany had struck him like a clap of thunder. He had broken Lisa’s heart and hadn’t really thought about it up until that very moment.

“Lise… What I wanna say is that I am sorry. I really am sorry for disappointing you again. Sorry for making you waste your time but mostly, sorry for not apologizing to you sooner. I know I should have.”

“It’s alright.”

Only it wasn’t. He could tell. And even for him – it wasn’t alright to have to admit, to her but mostly to himself, that he would never be the man she needed. And maybe, not even the man he had always imagined, hoped he could be.

Lisa took in a deep breath and her whole posture seemed to relax. He could smell the familiar, intoxicating scent of her skin. That was how close he was to her. But how could he tell her that the only thing he wanted, now that she was there, was to hold her, and kiss her, and have them resume doing what they had been doing nonstop for years? The constant push and pull was exhausting, but he longed for it, missed it. Because to him, Lisa’s presence was comforting more than anything else. And even if he couldn’t love her the way she needed – or deserved – that detail didn’t change for him.

“No, it’s not alright.” He gave her a sad, lopsided smile. “But thanks for saying it.”

He knew that she had posted up when their eyes finally met again.

“Mike…” A long, deep breath. “Listen. I get it, you know. More than you’ll ever realize. Because had I been at your place, I would have done the same. I would have driven back to the hotel and left your ass waiting for me at that station… and maybe I wouldn’t even have remembered calling you.”

Unexpectedly, her hand came up and touched his face. Surprising him. It was a tender gesture, but her gaze was still remote, as if she needed to protect at least some parts of herself from the onslaught that his words entailed. Because after all, the truth was simple: they had wasted so much time, and too much had happened during the years that they had spent trying to figure their relationships out, and other things had become absolute priority. Their love had too, but only sorta-kinda.

“And I wouldn’t have wanted to talk to you anyway.”

“You said you tried to call me. I know you did.”

“I wanted to do it just to tell you what an asshole you were. And just to hang up on you.”

Her hand fell once again at her side. Michael felt cold.

“Yeah, I understand that.”

She cocked her head and stared at him.

“Cool. I think we’ve cleared the air, then. Thanks for being so open, I appreciate it.” She gave him one of those lopsided smirks he had once lived for, even though her tone remained sarcastic. Self-preservation at its finest. “It was also fascinating to observe. Like watching a baby when they first discover their toes.”

Michael scoffed. She was a complete nut. And his intense need of kissing her, and making up with her in that unique way that had always made them, them, didn’t subside. Quite the opposite, in fact.

“You’re a funny lady.”

“Yeah, as funny as a fucking slap in the face. I know you missed me.”

She was joking, of course, but he took it as a hint and reached out again, this time taking her hand and pulling her against his body. And into his arms. From the way she remained stiff in his embrace, he could tell that she had not been expecting that. Maybe she hadn’t even wanted it. But then she relaxed, and her lithe frame molded into him just perfectly. She rested her cheek against his chest and closed her eyes and he inhaled the scent of her hair, then kissed her head.

Familiar. Comforting. Intoxicating.

Once again, he was gone.

“I did miss you, you know.”

Lisa didn’t reply, but after a moment she tried to pull back. Michael’s arms held her in place and she relaxed once again, for a few more seconds. And then he had to let her go.

“Come on. Let me show you the auditorium. And then I gotta go back to the main building… Like I said, I have plenty of things to do before it gets dark.”

“Yeah… I do too.” Michael cleared his throat. “Hey, Lise… I was thinking… Would you go back to the hotel with me, later today?”

She watched him for a second and her eyes were mysterious. As mysterious as they had been to him when they first had met.

“Maybe.”

Lisa spent the rest of the day helping Dana as she arranged the bedrooms for the soon-to-be-there guests – or new inhabitants of the refuge. The citizens, as the Mazeks called them. Decorating the rooms with plants and paintings and final touches, making the beds, checking on the heating systems and making sure that the HVAC technicians did their checkups all around the property. Then Lisa moved over to the kitchen area and began taking care of the supplies inventory. When she asked Dana where her husband was, her new friend replied that Jaroslav was taking care of the ice dams.

“The ice dams?”

Lisa’s mind was adrift, and she knew that she had sounded a bit clueless. She just couldn’t get Michael out of her mind, it didn’t matter how hard she tried. It was kind of disappointing, but she had to remember that working on this project was the most important thing of all, and not a cop-out. Not a way to distract herself from those intrusive thoughts. Michael’s eyes, his voice. His familiar scent. All that was the distraction and not the focus.

“Yeah… you know, when ice accumulates along the eaves of the roofs, it can cause a dam that can damage gutters, shingles and siding. And we don’t want that… Especially since winter can be brutal over here and the weather can get worse all of a sudden.”

“Yeah… I noticed.” Lisa had laughed, and Dana smiled at her.

“No, you haven’t, Lisa, believe me. This winter is pretty tame, compared to what we usually experience here.”

Given that it had pretty much never stopped snowing since her arrival, Lisa had a hard time imagining that the weather could be colder than that, but maybe Dana was right. Somehow, the current temperature reminded her of New York during winter and, even though the storage room was warm, she knew she would freeze her ass off on her way over to the hotel. She had taken the habit of not having the cab dropping her by the hotel, and she always preferred to walk through the city and the garden that surrounded the Alchymist Nosticova, even though she knew that later that evening the temperature would drop even more. The bottom line was that she would probably end up entering her suite looking like Frosty the Snowman.

Unless… Well, unless she decided to go back with Michael. Unless she accepted his invitation. After all, he had offered.

What a terrifying, alluring temptation that was. When he had touched her, earlier, it had been hard to not remember how good they could be together when they got along. And how they could even better in other departments.

And this little talk about the chilly temperature, now, had added another piece to the puzzle.

Lisa’s mind obviously went back to the apartment that she and Michael had shared in Manhattan, right after getting married. How they would make love in the morning while it snowed outside. The striking contrast between the snowflakes clouding her vision and the sizzling temperature of his naked, sweaty body on top of hers, underneath hers. How at times they would spend days in bed just watching the city being covered by that immaculate, quiet blanket. How safe they would feel, snuggled in their secluded refuge towering over the busiest metropolis in the world.

The thought warmed her and managed to miff her at the same time. She had been somehow capable of keeping Michael out of her mind for the past few months, at least most of the time, but now that they were in the same space, forgetting about him had already become impossible again. Especially given how open he had been, earlier that day. How honest, vulnerable even. Telling her all about that damn Paris date that never was, and she knew he had told her the truth. Making her feel like… like…

“Oh, by the way… Michael was helping the guys stock up on wood for the fireplaces, earlier.”

Lisa blinked and the evanescent images in her head disappeared. She turned to look at Dana, who still smiling.

“Yeah? And you’re telling me because…?”

Her tone was still playful, but she genuinely wanted to know why her friend seemed so intent in sharing these details about a man that, all in all, was part of Lisa’s past. That was what Dana thought, at least. Right?

“Because you made me think about the weather, and reminded me that heavy winter storms are always a possibility. We don’t want to be unprepared in case it happens.”

“Of course not…”

“And because to see the best dancer in the world working his ass off as some sort of lumberjack was kinda funny. Not something you see every day, that’s for sure.”

Dana laughed, and Lisa smiled back at her. Yeah, that was true. And yet, at the same time, completely unsurprising. Even though Dana and Jaro had seen Michael the man and not the artist, it was hard for them to separate the mental image of this godlike genius, singing and dancing on stage, from the regular guy that could easily take care of humble jobs. But Michael could, because he was one man and thousand men simultaneously. Even though he could only remember having been an artist for all his life, his upbringing hadn’t been comfortable at all, and he knew how to do many things. Many others he had no clue about, but he could be beyond comfortable taking care of more trivial staff than people would ever give him credit for. As a matter of fact, Michael was a sucker for ordinary things.

Lisa had seen him take care of her kids – and his – like the perfect hands-on dad, bathing them, washing their clothes, cooking their food. She had seen him paint and draw, feed the animals at his ranch and clean their cages. She had seen him help a female deer give birth to her fawn. She had seen him work in the garden, fixing a tree damaged by a rainstorm. She had seen him do things that people would never imagine him doing. She knew how formidable Michael could be. And how stupefying.

And just like that, the need of seeing him, watching him be the man she knew he could be, became almost unbearable.

Later, she told herself. Later you can go back to the hotel with him. If you’re still in such a state. If you think that’s the right thing to do.

Wasn’t it? It was hard to tell, given that both she and Michael had been pulled out of their usual routine. Being in Prague, in such a practical, no-nonsense setting. No press, nobody whispering in their ears, no paparazzi. Nothing but the two of them. And the project, yes. But even that felt like a bridge, now.

“Michael is many things, Dana.”

Dana stopped putting the cans on the shelf and turned to look at her.

“Yeah, I can tell. And I’m sure you know about that better than anyone else.” She smiled. “Look, the point is that I’m just glad both of you are here. You guys seem to get along… and it’s nice to see it. It makes me feel way less guilty about not telling either one of you that the other was involved in the funding.”

“It’s fine…” What else could Lisa say, after all? “Whatever goes on between Michael and me, it doesn’t matter when it comes to this. We both agree that what we’re doing here comes first.”

“Yes, it does.”

Dana turned and began working once again. For her, that was all that mattered.

When later that evening Lisa stepped outside the main building, she was expecting to find Michael there, waiting for her. Since he had offered to take her back to the hotel and all. But no, he wasn’t there.

Gazing into the night, she narrowed her eyes and tried to make out the outline of people and objects. It was difficult, because everything seemed invisible, lost in the sharp contrast between the black sky and the white blanket of snow that kept falling all over the city. Her eyes, her heart, were both looking for Michael. Only, he was nowhere to be seen.

What a horrible deja-vu.

All of a sudden, she felt like the biggest idiot on the face of the planet. Again. The feeling reminded her of the sheer humiliation she had felt back in June in that station, when he had deserted her without even having the decency to call her. And even though his explanation, earlier that day, had made all the sense in the world, Lisa still couldn’t shrug off the uneasy feeling that she had felt back then.

Trying to control her breathing, she zipped up her jacket and began walking toward the gates of the Threshold.

“Whatever…”

Fuck him. Fuck him all the way to hell.

She would call a taxi and go back to that fabulous suite he was so jealous of. Maybe he had met one of the cute girls working at the shelter and he had gotten distracted, who the hell knew. Lisa surely didn’t care. He could do whatever he wanted, even fuck those women, but he had to stay away from her, from now on.

Damn, she was irritated. But she was also so many other things.

In fact, the feelings she was experiencing were extremely conflicting. On the one hand, she felt stupid for still believing Michael’s words and looking forward to spending some quality time with him, if only by walking together for a bit. On the other hand, his version of the Paris events kept replaying in her mind. It wasn’t that he hadn’t shown up at the Gare du Nord because he wanted to humiliate her or teach her a lesson. He had simply given priority to his sick daughter – which had been the right thing to do. Lisa knew, because had she been at his place, she would have done exactly the same thing, and to hell everything else. At the end of the day, she had to struggle to truly be mad at him for being a no-show. Maybe he was simply relaxing somewhere or still working. After all, she hadn’t made sure he was done for the day before leaving. She had taken for granted that he would be out there waiting for her.

Well… She was way too exhausted to think about that at the moment. The only thing she wanted was to take her clothes off and enjoy a long, warm shower. Then she wanted to hear from her babies. And finally, she wanted to jump into bed and not care about a thing in the world until the next day.

Lisa walked out of the gates and extracted her cell phone, ready to call a cab. She would probably ask the driver to leave her right at the entrance of the Nosticova Palace. All of a sudden, she wasn’t in the mood for a walk in the snow anymore.

The melodic whistle coming from the darkness caught her completely off guard and she almost dropped her phone. Scanning the surrounding, at first she couldn’t make out a thing. Then she finally saw him. It was Michael, and he was smiling. Before she could even control it, the flock of butterflies took off in her stomach. Damn them! And him!

He had crossed the street and stood on the sidewalk, all bundled up in his heavy black jacket, his head covered by a beanie and also by the hoodie of his parka, a huge scarf wrapped around his neck. And gloves, of course. Lisa could barely see half of his face, and he probably would have gone unnoticed for everyone else, but still… She would have been able to recognize him anywhere. Always, and regardless of any of his disguises.

But then again, that wasn’t really a disguise. Mike simply didn’t like the cold. However, the result was just the same: he blended in.

As he kept smiling, he started jogging in her direction. Despite having worked for hours, he looked well-rested and in great shape. In a great mood, too. Lisa couldn’t do anything to smile back, ever so slightly.

“Hey…”

His breathing came out in puffs and she had to fight against the instinct to remove her gloves and reach up to touch his face, just to experience the feeling of her hand against that five o’clock stubble that had already broken through. She couldn’t help but notice how beautifully it framed his face. Michael was handsome. That was undeniable.

“Hey, Mike… I thought you had already left.”

He frowned. In fact, he almost pouted – like a child.

“Why? We’re going back to the hotel together. I told ya.”

Yeah, he had. And she felt foolish, because she hadn’t granted him an ounce of trust.

“Right… What were you even doing over there?”

“Where?”

He turned and scanned the dark road. Then his eyes fixed on her once again. They were intent, inquisitive.

“Across the street.”

“Oh!” His face lit up and he smiled again, in that childlike way that she had always found beyond endearing. “I was just enjoying the liberty of stepping outside and walking around without being bothered by anyone. Can you imagine? I was able to walk around the entire block and not one soul stopped me! Nobody recognized me! How cool is that?”

Lisa’s face softened. Her heart melted a bit, too.

“It is cool. So you went walking on your own? For real?”

Once again, she couldn’t help but smile back at him. She knew what Michael’s life entailed. How cagey it could be. How suffocating. She had experienced it firsthand for years and that lifestyle had ended up taking a toll on her. Not having the chance to move around freely, being constantly under the microscope, having the press breathing on their necks relentlessly. At times, all she had wanted was to walk around undisturbed, holding the hand of the man she loved, and she couldn’t. It was extenuating, and more than once she had wondered how he was even capable of surviving that toxic environment and shrugging it off.

Only, he didn’t, and he knew that too. He couldn’t just shrug it off. One too many times she had seen him suffer because of that, get mad about stuff that was being said about him and spread like wildfire despite being patently false. There was nothing he could do to change the reality of his life. It would always stay that way, regardless of what he did or didn’t do. And that was why such a trivial thing – walking around the block on his own – was so important to him. That was why doing this thing in Prague was having such a significant effect on both of them.

This, all this, was so different from all they had experienced together so far. And indeed, they had experienced a lot through the years.

“Yes! Well… Wayne was a few feet away from me, just in case. But he was sneaky and I couldn’t even see him. It felt like I was totally on my own.”

Lisa swallowed and nodded. Right. She guessed that was the best Michael could hope for.

“I see. And where is he, now?”

“Wayne? Oh, he’s just around the corner. Waiting for us in the car. He thought I would be safe out here all by my lonesome for a bit… And you didn’t make me wait for long anyway, so it’s all good.”

“Well, then. I guess we can go.”

Michael held out his gloved hand almost in an automatic, ingrained-by-memory gesture.

“Let’s go. I’ll ask him to drop us by the park, so we can walk some more.”

And just like that, Lisa realized that her long, warm shower could wait some more, after all.

In the most natural reaction ever, she reached out and took his hand and allowed him to guide her toward the car.