Orpheus | Installment Five – Surrendering

“The bar noise makes a kind of silence. When Orpheus hands
me his sunglasses, I see how fire changes everything. In the mind
I am behind a woman whose skirt is hiked above her hips, as bound
as touch permits, saying don’t forget me when I become the liquid
out of which names are born, salt-milk, milk-sweet and animal-made.
I want to be a human above the body, uprooted and right, a fold
of pleas released, but I am a black wound, what’s left of the deed.”

– Cocktails with Orpheus by Terrance Hayes, 2008

Surrendering

“No matter where you go, everyone’s connected.”
– Lain Iwakura, Serial Experiments: Lain

“Mike… are you deaf? Or just distracted?”

“Neither.” He kept humming to himself while his fingers moved quickly over the vertical monitor. He was utterly concentrated on what he was doing. Except for the portion of his mind that had been living in the gutter for several weeks non-stop now.

“Then why aren’t you answering my question?” Maddix spun on his ultra-technological chair and stared at him.

“Because I’m working. And I gotta stay focused.”

“You’re singing.” He smoothed down his lab coat. “Why are you singing while working? Isn’t it distracting? How can you stay focused if you sing to yourself? It’s not good for your concentration. Or mine.”

Mike had to chuckle.

“Madd… You are too much.”

“What do you mean I am too much?”

He let out a sigh and spun on his chair, too, facing his colleague. Usually, he would be exasperated by Maddix’s non-stop questions, but these were not ordinary times. Mike Jackson’s tolerance was currently higher than usual. He was content, relaxed, in a perpetually good mood, sated. He was in love and caught in a storm of pure sexual bliss. But that last part was a little secret he still kept to himself. At least for now.

“Never mind. What was your question again?”

“See? I was right. You were distracted.”

Mike rolled his eyes, still chuckling.

“Whatever, Maddix. Shoot: what is it, that you wanna know?”

“I want to know if you are going, tonight.”

Oh, OK. Madd was talking about the exclusive party that Sydney Bankmann would be throwing at her mansion, later that evening. Only a very selected group of employees had been invited, together with some business partners, suppliers and – naturally – all those rich clients making Electron Enterprises one of the wealthiest and most powerful companies in the world. Both Mike and Maddix were included in the guest list.

“Will you be there?” Mike cocked his head to a side and watched his friend.

“Yes, of course. Sydney asked.”

“Right, of course, Sydney asked, therefore you’re going. Stupid me. Are you gonna be there alone or will you bring Angela?”

Because good old Maddix had found himself a girlfriend. And although he certainly didn’t look lustful or even less in love, Mike knew that he genuinely cared for the girl. She was a telephone operator and worked down on Floor 15, at the Customer Care office – lovely girl, quirky, very funny. Mike thought that she and Madd were about as compatible as oil and water but hey, who was he to judge?

Maddix squirmed in his seat.

“I will bring Angela. I asked Sydney, and she said I could. So, will you be there?”

“I probably will be there too.”

A poignant moment of silence.

“With Miss Presley as your date?”

Gosh. Even the simple mention of her name made his heart race. And his pants tighten. He was so hooked – addicted. And he hoped that there was no cure for his illness. He cleared his throat.

“Well, technically, Li- …Miss Presley is not an employee, but a consultant, so I don’t know if she’s invited. We got such short notice… I mean, Sydney sent me an email just this morning. I still haven’t replied. I wanna talk to Lisa, first.”

Maddix blinked.

“I think you can stop trying to call Miss Presley something other than Lisa, in my presence. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Well, he did have a point. Mike leaned back in his chair.

“You’re right. I guess it’s kinda obvious at this point.”

They stared at each other.

“Kind of. So… what about love, Mike?” Maddix started playing with a pen he was holding.

Mike’s casual shrug didn’t fool anyone. “What about it?”

“Remember our conversation, a few weeks ago? You said you would tell me all about… what were your words, exactly? Oh, right! ‘I will let you know all about those amazing chemicals my brain will release, if and when I finally fall in love… hormones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, NGF and all that other good stuff’…” For the first time, Maddix seemed almost sarcastic. Or at least ironic. That was what stunned Mike, more than the fact that he remembered what he had said weeks earlier, word by word. “…So, what about it?”

“I don’t recall ever saying that I’m in love with Miss – ah, Lisa.”

Maddix threw him a glance, raising his eyebrows, and Mike laughed.

“Plus, aren’t you the one thinking that love is just a ‘mammalian drive’?”

“Yes, I am. But I also said that I was very open to your concept of love…” He paused. “…You know, since now I do have a girlfriend, too.”

“Then we should be talking about you and Angela, not about me and Lisa.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. Do you see any changes in me? I am sure you don’t. Because this dating thing is not affecting me that much, at least for now. My life is just the way it’s always been. You, on the other hand… Mike, everything changed about you since you met Miss Presley.”

Mike glanced up at the ceiling, looking for inspiration. For all his rationality and naivety, at times Maddix had the power to make him feel on pins and needles.

“OK… Well, I do like Lisa, a lot.” There it was: the understatement of the year. “She makes me very happy.”

As in delirious. Feverish. Overjoyed. Swept away by feelings so intense that sometimes he would feel like drowning.

Maddix grinned. “I can tell. And you know what else I can tell? That for all your big talk about love, now that you might be experiencing it first hand you don’t know how to describe it. And I wish you could. Not for me, mind you. For yourself. And for Miss Lisa. She seems sweet.”

Mike sighed, his head dropping. There was no denying that Maddix was right.

“She is… She’s the sweetest thing.” His heart ached just saying the words. “And it’s true. It’s all very new for me. I thought it would unravel on its own after a while, but the more she and I spend time together, the more I feel entangled in something that is just so strong, so complex, so deep, that words fail me. All the time…” He shrugged. “…It happens when I’m with her, too.”

“So this is not just about lust, right?”

This time Mike didn’t hesitate. “No, it’s definitely not just about lust. Although the attraction is powerful. But it’s nothing like… you know, like the way it was before… for me.”

“The way Feeney always talks about that kind of stuff, you mean.”

He frowned. “You think what Lisa and I have is in any way, shape or form comparable to Feeney’s lifestyle?”

Maddix raised his eyebrows. “You mean casual dating, casual sex?”

“Yeah! Because let me be very clear, here, Madd. That stuff has nothing to do with love.”

Mike was almost offended at the insinuation. His friend kept looking at him, completely unperturbed.

“Well, didn’t you live pretty much like Feeney, before meeting Lisa?”

He shook his head.

“Nah, not me. I was never like John. You of all people should know that. And what I’m experiencing with Lisa is the farthest thing from a casual fling.”

“Yeah? So there, you have it. If it’s nothing like it, if Miss Lisa makes you very happy, like you say, if you can’t wait to see her and be with her, then… well, then maybe it’s that thing you call love, Mike.”

Mike opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again. All wind had been taken away from his sails. Maddix had just duped him in the smartest way – which was not an easy task. He rubbed his eyes and let out a deep breath.

“Yeah. That’s right. I just get stuck on stupid when I try to tell her, I guess. Or myself.”

“Words will come. I hope you won’t keep downplaying what you feel. Because it’s undeniable, Mike. You are in full-on mammalian drive.”

Pleased with himself, Maddix spun back on his chair and resumed working, and Mike laughed. Once again, his friend was right: lust, attraction, attachment. Those three stages were all there. Overlapping. Blending. Filling him all up with a long-forgotten feeling: hope.

Waking up by Lisa’s side every morning was always the first highlight of the day. Whatever came next, be it hell or high water, could be faced. Through the years, and since losing his family, Mike had become remarkably self-sufficient, very driven, and had been able to build all the emotional walls necessary to protect himself. At first he had held onto those walls with Lisa, too. But she had been chipping away at that calcareous stone, layer by layer. Every time Mike would wake up in the middle of the night finding her asleep, draped over his chest, her body warm and tender against his, or awake, just watching him quietly. Every time they would make love in that painfully sensual way, and sink into one another, in the ecstasy that their physical contact always guaranteed. Every time that she would listen to him as he ranted for hours about stuff he had never told anyone about. Every single time, what could have been a meaningless evening became invaluable just because she was there. Was there really another way to describe all this, but love?

And yet neither he nor Lisa had ever said the word out loud. Maybe he should, perhaps he could just –

“And speaking of the devil…”

Maddix’s words interrupted his stream of consciousness and Mike looked up and through the glass walls facing the corridor. Lisa stood near the door of her office, talking to a dude whose name Mike didn’t remember. She was being her usual professional, polite, kind self. Her business suit impeccable, hair perfectly made, just a faint trace of make-up on. So different from the girl he had spent the night with – the girl he had made love to, again and again, until both were breathless and sweaty. The memory became a tingling feeling on his fingertips and he wanted nothing but the chance to repeat the experience as soon as possible.

The previous evening, it all had started in his living room, while watching an old movie on one of Mike’s many nanodiscs. A 1984 sci-fi movie about a future that, in current times, had already become the past. He and Lisa were on the couch and she had done that cute thing where she tucked her feet under herself. She was also hugging a pillow, because this movie, just like the other one about jaws they had watched together, was making her anxious. Mike had scooted closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, searching her mouth. They had kissed, very gently. Like two teenagers. It was still all so new… so uncharted. So exciting.

On the screen, the character played by Linda Hamilton, Sarah, said to the man who loved her and she was destined to lose: “…And maybe it’ll be enough if you know that in the few hours we had together we loved a lifetime’s worth.”

Mike had heard Lisa sniffle. Turning his head, he had noticed that her eyes were shining and sparkling. Instantaneous dismay had tightened a knot in his heart.

“Are you crying?”

“Uh? Not at all.” She had shaken her head. When she had spoken again, her voice had sounded remote. Colorless. “I was just thinking… I mean, it’s obvious that guy’s gonna die. And I wonder how she’s gonna survive knowing that the man she loves is… gone…”

Gone. That word had reverberated in Mike’s head, in a painful, weird way. He had frowned, blinking.

“It’s just a movie, baby girl. It’s nothing real…”

Lisa had turned her head, looking at him with an inscrutable face, from one eye to the other. For a very long time. Then she had let go of the pillow, scooting closer to him, snuggling against his chest for a minute, just listening to his breathing. Not really knowing what to say, Mike had held her close. And when she had lifted her head, searching his mouth again, kissing him slow and deep, he had let her. When she had straddled him, whispering in his ear, her lips against his skin, making him shiver, as she started unbuttoning his shirt, he had merely mirrored her actions, taking her clothes off, needing to feel all of her. When she had asked him to take her, kiss her, hold her, to make love to her, he had done it. Her need was his need. Just like every time. They had gone at it relentlessly, until dawn had cracked the sky open and only then, exhausted, they had been able to sleep for a couple of hours.

Mike had moved into Lisa’s body as if she was his shoreline and he was nothing but pure, crystal clear water. Wave after wave, pure pleasure, wanting to soothe that acerbic agony that he had seen rising in her eyes. Telling her, without any words, that he was there. That a movie was nothing but a movie. Fiction. Make-believe. That he was there, and he was not going anywhere. Repeating without words, again and again, that he loved her.

“Maddix… I’ll be right back. And… remember that little project we’ve been working on? You think the thing can be ready before tonight?”

Maddix smiled and kept looking into his microscope.

“Sure, it can. Don’t worry about it. Go… See you later, Mike.”

The moment he rose from the chair, Lisa saw him. And gave him one of those sexy, lopsided smirks and a smoldering look from below her long eyelashes. Damn! Mike bit his lip, repressing a full-on smile and walked straight to the sliding doors that faced the hall.

While he closed the gap that separated them in a couple of slow steps and reached her in the corridor facing her office, he decided that it was best to put his hands into his pockets. Just in case he couldn’t overcome the need to reach out and touch her. Although Electron Enterprises’ policy didn’t explicitly prohibit relationships among coworkers, Mike and Lisa had agreed on keeping things as neutral as possible while at work. The look in their eyes, though, could not be avoided.

“Hey, you.”

Her smile widened.

“Hey yourself. You OK? You look all tuckered out.”

Mike grinned.

“Yeah, tuckered out from thinking too hard.”

“About what?”

“Can’t talk about it now.”

She rose an eyebrow and gazed at him with those hooded blue eyes.

“Well then, you’re gonna tell me later. At home.”

He cocked his head. He liked that word. Home.

“What about a cup of coffee? Got five minutes for me?”

Lisa grinned, looking down. Oh yeah. Five minutes. And the whole eternity, if he’d have her.

“Sure. Your cafeteria is so pretty… how can I say no?”

Mike giggled.

“Oh, I see. It’s for the cafeteria. Alright. Let’s go.” Instinctively, he held out his hand, then remembered where they were and his arm fell by his side. However, Lisa looked at him with such soulful eyes, that not touching her almost didn’t matter. Almost.

“You got her email?”

“Yes. And I also spoke to her, this morning. She wanted to review some of the reports personally… you know, about my counseling sessions. She really seems invested in this project.”

Mike sipped his coffee, just looking at her. He was not surprised that Sydney had indeed invited Lisa, too, to her party. But he found kind of odd that his boss had also wanted to see her right away. That very same day.

“And then the most interesting thing happened…” It was obvious that Lisa, too, was on the same train of thoughts. “She asked me if I would be at her party, tonight, and when I hesitated, she told me that I could go with you if I wanted to.”

Mike placed the cup back on its saucer. They sat at a small, round table in a corner of the cafeteria. The room was almost empty and pretty quiet, except for the soft jazz music playing in the background.

“Uh-uhm.” He reached out for her hand on the table, grazing the back of it with his fingertips. Lisa’s eyes seemed to darken. Yeah – he knew exactly the feeling. “…And what did you tell her?”

“I was… taken aback for a moment. So she told me that she had a feeling something was going on between you and me. She asked me if she was right. And I didn’t wanna lie to her. I told her we’re… you know… seeing each other in our free time.” She studied his face, as if she was worried that she had said too much. Worried that she had overstepped somehow, turning what she and Mike were experiencing into something more than it truly was. At least for him. Then she blinked, lowering her eyes. “…Maybe I should have asked you, first. She just caught me off guard, I guess…”

Mike bit his lip. He caressed her hand, again. “Well, I gotta say I would have phrased it differently.”

Wincing, Lisa started to withdraw her hand and he grabbed it, holding on to it. Then looked up at her. He could see the doubt in her eyes. The fear. The uncertainty and raw scars from her previous experience.

“Had she asked me, I would have told her: yes Sydney, I’m definitely gonna be there tonight with Lisa, because we’re dating. And she’s my girlfriend.” Even saying the word generated a turmoil in his chest. Lisa held his gaze, and Mike could tell she was trying so hard not to smile. “But then again, maybe I should ask you first, you know… If you wanna be my girlfriend, that is…”

Oh, how quickly the tables could turn. So far, it had looked as if Mike was calling the shots, but then in the blink of an eye it was now Lisa who was holding the key. Suddenly he was petrified. Maybe they were not so different, after all. Too many hang-ups, too much insecurity presented as fake toughness, too much well-played cockiness. She was the one who didn’t need anyone’s help to affirm herself and had no problem throwing a wedding-to-be out of the window and moving to another city. He was the one who could look sweet and cordial without really letting anyone in.

Lisa’s hand relaxed, and she intertwined her fingers with his.

“OK, then we’re going together…” She smiled lightly, feeling shy all of a sudden.

“Good. ‘Cause I really want you with me.” Mike decided to ignore the fact that she had avoided giving him a straight answer about the state of their relationship. He understood that this was not the right place or the right time. And that probably he, too, should have been less ironic and less casual while asking something so important. If the last weeks with Lisa had taught him something, it was that feelings, when intense, were a minefield. It was so easy to stumble and get blown to pieces. “And by the way, I wanna give you something before we go, later tonight.”

Lisa welcomed the change of subject. “You got something to give me?”

“Yeah. Today, after work.”

He scanned her reaction.

“Funny. I do, too.”

When she opened the door, her beauty assaulted him and rendered him speechless. She was already dressed up for the party and she looked stunning. The gown enhanced her perfect figure in a classy, elegant, sexy way, and the black fabric made her creamy skin shine. Crafted from a black silk blend, the beautiful dress that she wore featured a low back and a side slit showing Lisa’s perfect legs. There was enough exposed skin to raise Mike’s temperature in zero time. Her hair was slicked back, with a bun at the nape of her neck, and made her perfect face, those heavy-lidded blue eyes even more visible. He felt a sudden rush of desire run through him.

“Hey… You look…” Lisa blinked, still standing in the door frame. “…Very handsome.”

What? Oh, right. He, too, had taken the time to go back to his apartment, take a shower and get ready, but still… it was the first time that he saw Lisa in a party dress. And he had forgotten entirely about the care he had put in choosing his clothes. It was not for Sydney Bankmann’s benefit or her guests’. Only for his… girlfriend? Yeah, he and Lisa would have to talk about that some more. But first, he’d have to roll his tongue back into his mouth and stop drooling.

“Thanks… You look gorgeous, Lisa.”

She blushed, lowering her eyes, but not before letting them wander all over his athletic frame once again. Her gaze burned on him.

Mike distractedly touched the thin, shiny black tie that he was wearing over his red satin shirt. And then there was the black suit, with some military elements. Tabs, collar patch, cuffs. The suit fit him like a glove and according to Echo, he looked “very elegant and sleek”. But it was nothing compared to Lisa. He loved how their clothes matched, somehow, and how it had happened naturally, without them even knowing what the other was going to wear.

He glanced at his watch, then stepped into Lisa’s apartment. His little present hidden behind his back. Lisa noticed and smiled, turning and starting to walk toward the living room.

“We still have a bit of time… Want something to drink?”

Mike grabbed her hand and pulled her back and into him in a totally unexpected, domineering move that left her breathless. Just like his kiss, full of barely contained passion. She landed against his solid body and he captured her lips, his tongue immediately seeking entrance. Which she granted right away, her hands clasping his shoulders. Despite her trying to put up a cool facade, his mere presence shook her to the core, every time since the very first time, when she had seen him swimming in the pool late at night. There was something about Mike that moved her – and it went way beyond the passion that she felt for him. Sometimes, at work, it was the way he just stood there, simply smiling at her from afar. He didn’t need to do anything but be there. It was enough to unleash armies of butterflies in her stomach.

As she clung to him, still kissing him, the same old questions started swirling in her mind. Was he really a total stranger? And if he was, how was it that he looked like he could see her, feel her. Something that not even Maxwell had never been able to do. Not in Lisa’s memories anyway. Although it was true that not once in her life she had experienced the lust she felt for this man, she was also well aware that what she and Mike had was not just about sex. It was about that kind of profound passion that was connected to who they were, to their hopes, their dreams, their losses. Sex, for them, was not a vacuum, but the beautiful, sparkling diamond in the much broader context of existence.

Mike was unsettling to Lisa. Every time he smiled at her, every time he looked at her, he appeared to close out the rest of the world, seeing her and nobody else. That was always her undoing. And then there were her dreams. They had become more frequent, stronger in their intensity since they had started making love. Since that very first time, when he calling her ‘Princess” so apparently out of the blue had startled her, stirring something inside of her. An echo. A faint voice sounding as if it was resurfacing from a time that was long gone. And when they had flown over the sun together, that very first time they had made love, the tears she had spilled were not only because of the painful bliss and heavenly agony that she had been experiencing. They were also because she realized that she had missed him. The longing intolerable as much as finding him. And she had no idea why.

He let go of her lips and watched her, his onyx eyes sparkling, shining. Backing off slightly, he handed her the little carton box that he was holding. Lisa looked up at him, and he smiled.

“For you.”

She slowly took the box from his hand. Overwhelmed. Was he for real? A present? She had thought that he just wanted to give her a kiss. Or a good pounding. Apparently, she needed to be cleansed of the sinful thoughts possessing her whenever he was around.

Mike cleared his throat.

“…And by the way, you have no idea how hard it was, today, to be close to you and not have the chance to touch you… hold you… kiss you…”

She got it. He needed to put the tenderness aside for a moment. Lust was so much safer. She was glad that she was not the only one sailing on that ship.

As he spoke, his voice dropped an octave and she stepped closer to him, pulling him down and toward her mouth once again, kissing him thoroughly. Mike closed his eyes and realized that she had quietly placed the box on the table nearby. One hand caressing his face, the other one stroking his chest. All the while, her kisses became hotter, more urgent. The moment he heard her sigh, he trembled. One action in her body created an immediate reaction in his. The butterfly effect. It was crazy.

“I’m sorry…” Her hands framed his face, gently. “I really wanna see what you got me… but I need something else, first.”

“What do you need?”

“You.”

Mike kissed her again, lowering his inhibitions just enough to enjoy the moment thoroughly. She looked so beautiful, ready for their night out, and he knew that he had to be careful. He didn’t want to mess her all up. He hoped that his willpower would overcome the urgency they both seemed to feel whenever they were close.

“By all means then, go ahead…”

Lisa smiled and her kisses took a momentary detour toward his neck. Mike inhaled deeply. This was getting harder and harder by the minute. Pun intended.

She seemed to detect his discomfort and pressed her body into him for a moment before backing off. “Look, before we lose control and make a mess, we should probably just…”

He captured her bottom lip for a short, heavenly moment. “Yeah, we should…”

Taking a long breath, Lisa finally stepped back, swallowing. Mike saw how she took a moment to regain some composure. Hey – he was wholly sympathetic.

“OK, so. Let me try this again…” He once again held the box out to her. “This is for you.”

Lisa took it from his hand and skimmed her fingers over the shiny, smooth surface. It was a small yellow box, decorated with a red ribbon. Her heart drummed in her chest, becoming a soundtrack in her ears. She removed the lid and gasped.

“You like it?”

Shaking slightly, she took the single red rose out of the small box, where Mike had carefully placed it over a white satin cloth.

“How… I mean… they are so rare… I’ve never…” She honestly didn’t know what to say. She was not expecting this. And she had never seen a real rose before, let alone been given one.

Mike gave her a crooked smirk.

“I cloned it. Well, actually Maddix helped me clone it. We used a dried rose petal I ordered online because, well… I wanted you to have the real thing.”

The real thing…

Lisa looked at him, her eyes flooded with tears. She brought the rose up to her nose: it smelled just like she imagined a real rose would smell. When she closed her eyes, flashes ran behind her closed eyelids. A hotel room. A single red rose on a perfectly made king-size bed, on the pillow. The light curtains floating in the breeze, revealing a balcony. The sea. So blue. A shiver ran down her spine and she let out a shaky breath.

“Lise… you OK?”

His concerned voice brought her back to reality. She opened her eyes again and found his. They were dark, deep. They were like a long-forgotten promise. Her heart ached and she just shook her head, stepping closer to him again, circling his neck with her arms, bringing his head down. They kissed. When Mike held her close she just sighed, resting her head on his chest. It took her a moment to calm down and, once again, the immense confusion assaulting her found peace in his embrace.

“I love it. It’s just so beautiful.” She backed off just enough to study his face. Foreign. Familiar. “No-one has ever done anything like that for me. Thank you.”

Mike’s eyebrows sprung up and he blushed.

“It’s just a flower, Lisa.”

The stinging feeling of tears hurt her eyes. “No, Mike. It’s not.” She let go of him, turning. Needing some shelter all of a sudden. She didn’t know how to deal with this. It was too much. Too soon. “OK… Like I said, I, too, have something to give you.”

He smiled, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“Great minds think alike…”

She chuckled, taking a deep breath. “So it seems.” She walked over to the bookshelf and took a worn out, vintage French school notebook. It was original. Shyly, she handed it out to him.

Mike’s eyes widened.

“For that artist streak of yours… you can use it as drawing pad, notepad… whatever you want, really…”

He turned the notebook and noticed the engraved inscription in the back: Librairie Arthaud in Grenoble, 1912. The pale orange cover felt rough under his fingertips. Although old, the item was unused, the white paper sheets untouched. Except for one, where Lisa had scribbled down a few lines in her round handwriting.

“Did you spring out of heaven or the abyss,
beauty? Your gaze infernal, yet divine,
spreads infamy and glory, grief and bliss,
and therefore you can be compared to wine.

Your eyes contain both sunset and aurora:
You give off scents, like evenings storm-deflowered,
your kisses are a philtre: an amphora
your mouth, that cows the brave, and spurs the coward.”

“Baudelaire… I idn’t know you liked French decadence.”

“I love Les Fleurs du Mal. And it made me think of you, so…”

“Did you know that he was prosecuted as an insult to public decency?”

“Yeah. Do you like it?”

It was his turn to look up at her, now.  It was his eyes, now, that looked shiny.

“I love it.”

And it was the truth. He held her tight, wanting to absorb her into himself, not having to worry for her to leave – ever.

He had no explanation for their seemingly thinking in unison. Yet he was pretty sure that the notebook came from Lisa having found the sorta-kinda drawing he had made of her a few days earlier. It had been after hours of unstoppable lovemaking, after Lisa had finally fallen asleep, her beautiful naked body only half-covered by the crumpled sheets. She was so gorgeous that Mike had wanted to still the moment, and so he had started to draw her. It was the very first time he ever tried that – and the result had not met his expectations. He had thrown the drawing away. Now he thought that maybe Lisa had found it, and the notebook was her way to tell him that she wanted him to keep drawing. Keep creating.

He smiled, kissing her temple, wanting nothing else but strip her naked and take her, again and again. Wanting to leave her breathless and panting and exhausted. To feel all of her throughout the night.

But they couldn’t. The fairly relaxed rules that ran Electron Enterprises didn’t allow complete oblivion or ignorance. They were still rules. And both he and Lisa had promised to be at Sydney Bankmann’s party. They had to go.

“Look – I gotta be honest here. Five more minutes in this apartment and you ain’t gonna leave the bed for the next twelve hours. Maybe even twenty-four. We better go.”

Lisa threw her head back and laughed, and Mike made a face.

“Sorry about that.”

She grabbed his hand and kissed it. Gosh – the things this guy made her feel. And he was right – they better leave, before those three words tumbled out of her mouth. Soon enough, her body would not be the only thing he’d have of her.

Mike and Lisa stared at the lines and colors right beyond the surface of the huge glass walls. The beautiful cityscape. Level 5 really was fabulous. She had never seen that area of New York and he too had been there only a couple of times, years earlier, at Sydney’s, right after she had “chosen” him from the orphanage. The Upper Level was a sight to behold and never failed to amaze him.

They had finally been able to leave Lisa’s apartment and, for once, Mike had taken his flycar – which he usually didn’t need, both because public transportation was still OK in the city and he didn’t like driving – and gone straight up, to the top level of the food chain. He and Lisa had stepped into Sydney’s house holding hands, not wanting to hide. Although they had not explicitly talked about the status of their relationship, it was clear to both that a relationship indeed existed and neither of them wanted to pretend otherwise. Their action was even spiteful, in a way: entering a colossal mansion where rich, married couples dressed in expensive evening dresses and elegant suits barely acknowledged each other’s presence, their alien-like status made them feel very special. And way richer. They didn’t care about what other people thought of them – they were proud to be together, they felt no shame in showing it.

Sydney walked up to them from behind, holding two glasses of wine.

“Mike, Lisa. It’s so nice to have you here tonight.”

They both turned at the same time and Lisa let go of Mike’s hand. Without even turning to her, he reached out and held onto her fingers once again.

“Oh, hello Sydney. Once again, thank you for having us…” His tone was calm, collected, but at ease. Lisa smiled and Sydney smiled back at her. She looked beautiful and ethereal, her white dress enhancing her milky skin and hair, and her huge eyes, so light to look almost colorless.

“So is it officially an ‘us’, now?” She cocked her head to a side and watched them both as they took a sip of their wine. She looked genuinely happy. Mike’s hold on Lisa’s hand tightened.

“Well…” He shrugged. “Yes. Right, Lisa?”

This time he turned to look at her and they locked eyes for a very short, significant moment. Lisa broke eye-contact first, her gaze moving back to Sydney.

“Right.”

Miss Bankmann’s smile became broader.

“Oh, Mike… My child extraordinaire. I have been waiting for this day for so long. And you have no idea how happy I am that, of all people, you found Lisa. She is very special.”

Mike blinked, trying to guess where all of this was going. He was not uncomfortable in Sydney’s presence, didn’t share the uneasiness that many of his colleagues felt whenever she was near. He had known her since he was just a bitter, sorrowful teenager and felt genuine affection for her. Her strong, cold mask not only did not work on him, but oftentimes wasn’t even there. He wouldn’t go so far as calling Sydney a friend, but certainly she was something more than a boss to him. And considering that he had no family to introduce Lisa to, Sydney was probably the closest thing to a relative for him. Another reason to be proud to be standing there, holding Lisa’s hand, telling flat out that she was indeed his partner. The only off-key note in all of this was that he and Lisa hadn’t talked about the whole thing yet. But that, Mike believed could be fixed.

“Lisa’s father, Jeremy, is an old friend of mine. Her mom Linda, too.” Another one of those rare, sweet smiles. “Lisa, I’m not sure you remember, but the first time we met you were practically a newborn.”

“Yes, my dad told me he worked with you, years ago. Sadly, I don’t remember ever meeting you before working for your company.”

“It’s OK. We can’t remember everything, can we?” She touched Mike’s forearm slightly. “Oh, by the way… Maddix and Angela are here too. Have you guys seen them yet? They look lovely together. Apparently, my best employees are all settling down. I can only hope we’ll soon have a brand new generation of geniuses…”

Mike chuckled, blushing, and Lisa swallowed. She had never thought about having kids. Actually, it hadn’t been a subject of discussion with Maxwell, either. Her ex-fiance was a very driven, very ambitious man who had no issues with the fact that the woman he was going to marry couldn’t get pregnant until she turned thirty because the government had decided so. Lisa had always found that detail odd, but had also brushed it off with a stubbornness that bordered emotional blindness. After having been almost crushed by the realization that her relationship with Maxwell had ended, for the first time she felt relieved. She glanced at Mike, then looked down.

Kids. Well – three years were not a long time if you were planning to spend the rest of your life with someone.

“Well, I’m going to let you enjoy the party. You could not miss it: we are celebrating the immense success of a company that you, too, have contributed to turning into what it is. So thank you, Mike and Lisa. Thank you for being such an important part of who we are.”

He straightened his stance and touched his tie.

“Thank you, Sydney.”

From that moment on, the night progressed as it was probably supposed to progress when you were holding a party up on Level 5. Except for Maddix and Angela, most of the guests didn’t make a great impression on Mike and Lisa. Quite the opposite. It was all very normative – a polished, yet opaque surface that hid everything beneath. Everyone was cordial and well-mannered, and yet at one point Lisa wondered if she and Mike were nothing but two captive guests imprisoned in a fish tank. At first she tried to ignore the looks and the whispers, but after a couple of hours it became pretty obvious that they were being watched.

She gently tugged at the sleeve of his jacket and he turned to her, sipping his wine.

“I know…” He mumbled, glancing around surreptitiously.

“Is this normal?”

Although she was considered an upper side girl in San Francisco, the prestige of her family meant very little in the powerful and wealthy New York Megacity. Besides, most people probably didn’t know anything about her anyway. She was just a girl.

“Totally normal. Remember when I told you that I haven’t been to Level 5 in ages?”

His face was guarded, not letting any emotion seep through. He was still glancing around the enormous room, then up at the crystal chandelier, then down again at the old-style looking, livery-wearing waiters gliding around, holding their silver platters full of appetizers and drinks.

“Yeah.”

“Well, there’s a reason for that. We commoners never feel at ease up here. These party-goers… they, uhm…” He fixed his tie. His only gesture of discomfort. “They are just not very fond of people from lower levels intruding their banquets. It doesn’t matter how good we are at what we do. Right now, I guess they gotta suck it up because this is Sydney’s house, and she’s powerful and kinda transversal in her acquaintances, but…”

Lisa took another flute of champagne from one of the waiters passing by.

“But?”

“But still, they can’t stop staring at the black boy holding hands with the white girl. They would have probably liked your ex-boyfriend better.”

She frowned. Of all things, she was not expecting that. Mike was right, though. There was no interracial couple in sight. She took a deep breath, then gulped down her wine.

“Are you serious?”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” His face remained a stoic mask. If there was any pain hiding beneath it, he was hiding it well. Yet the mere idea was unacceptable to Lisa.

“Well, fuck this shit.”

Mike threw her an amused look.

“Come again?”

“You heard me. I guess it’s time for us to leave.” She put the empty glass on a nearby table. “Plus, we gotta be honest here, Mike. The wine is not that great.”

He giggled.

“I like this side of you.”

“Let’s go…”

Scowling slightly, she grabbed his hand and they started walking together across the party hall and to the foyer. Mike glanced around, but Sydney and Maddix were nowhere to be seen. Well – it was almost midnight. There was no reason why he and Lisa couldn’t just leave. They had done their part. Plus, he loved that rebel side of hers. He had perceived it clearly since the very first time they had spoken, and it was always undeniable whenever they would make love. Just like him, Lisa wasn’t entirely comfortable with the restrictive rules of the society they lived in.

Two security guards dressed in black nodded their heads at them as they walked out of the main entrance and straight to the parking lot. Of course, it was raining. Thin water blades falling over them like razors. They were cold and Mike immediately took off his jacket, placing it on Lisa’s shoulders. She graced him with a deep, blue look peeking through her long eyelashes and he melted inside a little. Gosh. He was so bent out of shape with this girl. She was not only his lover, and she had not only become his friend. She was so much more than his confessor and priestess. She was his ally. The thought filled him with such contentment, with such comfort.

The moment they reached his flycar, Mike stopped. When Lisa tugged at his hand, still he didn’t move. She looked at him over her shoulder, her face inquisitive.

“Hey… what’s the matter now?”

“I’m sorry.”

She frowned.

“For?”

He gestured around vaguely.

“For this.”

Mike pulled her into him, then pivoted her little body against his vehicle. His hands on her tiny waist, he bent his head and captured her lips in a scorching kiss. The surprised moan she let out was immediately followed by her hands grabbing him – one tangled in his hair, the other on the small of his back, pulling him against her. She felt his hardness through the fabric of their clothes and whimpered in his mouth. Drawing back slightly, she framed his face, caressing it. Under the rain. But it was forgotten – they didn’t care anymore.

His eyes were still entranced by her luscious lips. Their texture, their taste – it felt like he had been waiting for it for his entire life. It was just never enough.

“Kiss me again…” It was barely a whisper reverberating against his skin and he grabbed her neck, searching her mouth once more.

“Let’s go back home, baby girl… Let me make it good… Let me love you right…”

Lisa’s body arched, strumming each chord in his. They were so caught in their kiss that they almost didn’t hear the man whispering.

“Guys… hey… beautiful couple…” The voice sounded breathless. “…Hey, gorgeous lovers…”

Mike pulled back abruptly and, when he stared at Lisa, frowning, he saw the exact expression mirrored on her face.

They both glanced in the same direction at the same time and saw him. The man. A seventy-something white guy wearing an elegant tuxedo. One of the guests, for sure, although they had not noticed him inside the mansion. He was standing there, looking at them, panting slightly. Behind his gold-rimmed glasses, his eyes were widened. Staring at them.

Lisa and Mike pulled apart slowly, both flabbergasted.

“What the heck…” Mike muttered under his breath.

“Guys… beautiful girl, handsome young man… I didn’t want to interrupt… In fact…”

“Sir… are you OK?”

Lisa’s eyes narrowed and she moved a step in the man’s direction. Mike’s hold on her wrist stilled any further movement.

“Lise… don’t… wait…” He whispered.

“I was just… I love how you two connect… How you act around each other…”

Lisa could not fathom why the man was panting. Was he unwell? Did he need help? Throwing Mike a confused glance, she noticed how he had set his jaw.

The man let out a deep, shaky breath.

“I was wondering… can I watch? Can you guys keep doing what you were doing while I watch? I am not going to intrude, I promise. I just want to watch…”

Lisa’s lips parted slightly, in complete surprise.

“Dude… why don’t you just go back inside instead?” Mike’s voice breaking the silence, the panting. Calm, collected.

“I would pay for seeing you do… that… And everything else. Would you please consider it? I…” The man swallowed and then did the unthinkable. He reached down and grabbed his crotch through his pants. Lisa was stunned. “I live here on Level 5… I can pay you good money…”

“Lise, let’s get outta here…”

“Good money…” His breathless voice followed them as they walked around the car. “If you just let me watch…”

“What the fuck! Man, are you for real?” Lisa finally snapped, turning to him. All of a sudden, she felt like slapping him.

Mike grabbed her again, dragging her into the flycar.

“Time to go, baby girl…”

He turned the engine on very quickly and they took off as the man, his face sweaty and flustered, kept staring at them through the windows.

The following minutes were full of consternated silence. Lisa glanced at Mike, who was just driving quietly, his teeth clenched, eyes fixed on the hoveroad.

“See? That’s what I meant earlier. I hate this shit…” He shook his head slightly, then reached for her hand, holding it, resting it on his leg as he kept driving. “They act all superior and then… look at them. How corrupted to the core they are. How perverted. And then we’re the strange ones…”

Lisa’s eyes lowered. Yeah, she got it. These people – there was something so rotten about them. The cleaner the level, the darker the soul, apparently. She had never experienced anything similar.

“I think they’re just… frustrated, Mike. The lives they live, there’s something so inhuman about it.”

“Yeah, well… I don’t fucking care.”

“You think he’s gonna say something about the two of us kissing?” She didn’t sound particularly worried, and Mike grinned.

“Are you serious? He was gon’ come in his pants. Us kissing is the least of his problems right now. I think he’s way more disappointed we didn’t say yes. Damn, what a freakin’ perv…”

“Why didn’t he just get down…”

“Oh, he wanted to get down alright,” he giggled, nervously. “What a fucking creep!”

“I meant to the lower levels, Mike…” Lisa threw him a look, but he could tell from her voice that she was amused. “Plenty of bars where he can jerk off in absolute privacy, down there…”

“I guess he wanted to see the real thing…”

She smirked, biting her lip.

“And are we? …The real thing, that is.”

Mike slowed down the car, then turned to her. Studying her for a moment.

“I think we are… yeah…”

Her chest constricted. And she felt it. She was in love.

“How long ‘til we get home?”

He held her gaze, hand on the wheel.

“About thirty minutes…”

“I don’t think I can wait that long…” Her grip on his leg tightened and she stared at him for a moment. “…Find a place where we can be alone for a while, Mike… I gotta tell you something.”

He licked his lips, then turned his eyes back to the road and steered, abruptly, driving straight to a private floating garage just around the block. They didn’t talk, as they drove through the automatic barrier. Lisa heard the beeping sound of the car AI registering the payment. A robotic guard acknowledged their presence and directed them to carport SD1994. The moment the metal doors closed behind the vehicle, a dim light illuminated the garage and the cockpit.

Mike let go of the steering wheel and turned to Lisa, shifting in his seat. His hand came up and loosened his tie.

Lisa followed his movements, then her eyes moved up and intercepted his. She took a minute to find the right words. Then she spoke.

“You know… I used to think that I had everything I could ever want. But now I realize that the best thing that has ever happened to me is you. And everything else is just… everything else. So, yeah… I thought I had it all… before I met you. I didn’t. I now know that what most people call love consists of picking up a person and being with them. But you can’t pick, in love, can you?” She reached out, her hand touching his soaking wet shirt. “…Just like you don’t pick out the rain that soaks your clothes.”

Mike swallowed.

“And then you come along… and I find out that it was you all along. The one I had been waiting for. The voice under all my silences. And I see you, sometimes, looking at me like…”

“It’s because you make me feel loved…” His voice sounded hoarse.

Lisa smiled, shaking her head slightly, closing her eyes for a moment.

“Yeah, and it’s because I love you. And I want you to know it. I am in love with you and it’s the beginning of everything for me.”

Blinking against the tears, Mike just grabbed her by the back of her neck and pulled her toward him, kissing her as if his life depended on it. Kissing her slowly, thoroughly. Pulling back just enough to see her eyes, their blue hue blinding in its intensity, and then kissing her again. And finally, after kissing her some more, whispering against her lips.

“I love you, Lise.”

She backed off, holding his face in her small, warm hands. Watching him intently. It was there, that love. In his eyes. Their foreheads touched and she smiled, breathlessly. His hand came up and rested over hers.

“I love you and I know it’s real. And you know why I know this is real? Because you are. Your lips are. The curves of your body are. The way you moan and whimper in my ear as I make you come, is… Your breath tickling my chest as you fall asleep snuggled against me… That’s all real. And that’s how I know my love for you is, too.”

“God, Mike…”

She kissed him again. And before they knew what was what, they were tangled, entwined. Lisa sitting in his lap, gasping for air as his lips frantically descended on the exposed skin of her collarbone, her eyes glazed over in ecstasy and emotional freedom. Finally.

She pushed his jacket off her shoulders, craving more space to maneuver herself in the small space, feeling the need to be touched and to touch all of him. More of his skin. More of his heat. The urgency was palpable. As they kissed, their tongues slowly sliding against each other, she felt his hands touching her thighs, climbing up toward the center of her pleasure, under her dress. With shaky fingers she started undoing his belt, she unbuttoned his pants and pulled down the zipper.

“Lisa… Lisa… what are you doing to me?”

His body moved on a different accord. His hips pushing up and into her burning body, as he hooked her G-string and ripped it off with an arrogant gesture that pushed Lisa’s arousal straight over the stratosphere. And yet they were still somehow tentative, sweet, the hesitance of their lovemaking barely hidden behind the surface of their all-consuming passion.

As she quickly undid his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, Lisa knew that this was going to be quick and raw. It was what they both needed. The flames of the emotional revelation could only be tamed with more fire – there was no other way. Not for them.

Each of her nerves reacted the moment she reached into his pants and freed him, closing her hand around him and still marveling at his size, his heat burning her. Quickly, she realized how drunk she was on him, how much she wanted him. Her lips tingling, her breath uneven, she held onto his shoulder with her free hand and backed off, focusing on the dark pools of his eyes for a moment.

“I need to have you deep into me again… And I need to feel you as you lose yourself in me.”

Mike smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Her hairdo was already completely destroyed. He placed his hands on her waist and lifted her body slightly, just enough for her to guide him where he needed to be. Their eyes still locked, Lisa sat down on him, then she threw her head back, a long moan escaping her lips. All the while, Mike pulled her dress down, staring at the beautiful sight of her breasts emerging from the black fabric. He bent his head, capturing her nipple and she whimpered, holding him close, as he gently bit her tender flesh.

“Tell me… tell me you want me…” He panted as he started to move inside of her, feeling enveloped by her warm, tight softness. “Tell me you want me.”

“I want you…”

“Say it again: I want you, Mike…” Another gentle bite.

Lisa gasped. “Mike… oh baby. I want you. I want only you.”

That was it. His movements picked up speed and they were lost. As he cupped her ass and moved her over his body, holding himself captive in the beauty of it all, they stared into each other’s eyes.

Lisa kissed him hard, then gently nipped at his chin. The tip of her tongue followed the perfect line of his bottom lip and he captured it into his mouth. Their rhythm intensified further. A perfect dance.

“How does it feel to be out of control?” Her hand tangled in his curls, she watched him with her hooded blue eyes.

He caressed her breast, then kneaded it, loving how it felt in his palm. Perfect. As if it had been created just for him.

“Magnificent.” He swallowed hard, feeling the release approach like a tsunami, her muscles clenching, pulsing. She was there too. With him. “It’s magnificent.”

Soundtrack