Contingent – Chapter 5 | Tabula Rasa

Chapter 5 | Tabula Rasa

comfort (n.)

c. 1200, “feeling of relief in affliction or sorrow; solace, consolation” (as still in take comfort); also “source of alleviation or relief;” from Old French confort “consolation, solace; pleasure, enjoyment,” from conforter “to solace; to help,

strengthen” (see comfort (v.)). An Old English word in the same sense was frofor. Meaning “state of enjoyment resulting from satisfaction of bodily wants and freedom from anxiety” is from mid-13c. Also in Middle English “strength, support, encouragement” (late 14c.). Comforts (as opposed to necessities and luxuries) is from 1650s.

“It’s your key… how come you can’t find it?” He was laughing so hard that his stomach hurt. Looking up, watching her huff and rummage through her purse was just as hilarious. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkling and bright when she glanced up at him, and he burst out laughing again.

“Stop laughing! You’re distracting me!”

Of course, that made him crack up even more.

“Distracting you from what? Shoot Lise, it’s just a freaking key… not rocket science…”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Mike… shut up!” But this time she, too, was chuckling.

It wasn’t that they were drunk. Not on alcohol, anyway. They were drunk on each other’s presence and on the fact that they had been able not to fight for the entire night. There had been no awkwardness, and if Lisa wanted things to remain on a strictly friendly level, at one point Michael even thought he could accept that. As long as they stayed this comfortable. So warm and fuzzy. And as long as she didn’t mind him holding her every now and then.

Seeing that she was still struggling, he pulled out his own key a bit tentatively. Not really sure it was the right thing to do, given the circumstances.

“Here… You can use mine…”

She had never asked him to give it back to her. Michael didn’t know why. But he knew he had never offered. And although right now the utility of the key was practical, he wondered if still having that small, simple object in his possession meant so much more – for both of them.

Lisa’s eyes narrowed as they focused on the small metal plate. She bit her lip, then took the key from Michael’s hand and his fingers stroked the back of her hand for a moment. This friendly thing was becoming more and more difficult by the second.

They managed to get in at last, and he took a moment to regain control as she led the way. The house was deserted, dark, quiet.

“No staff?”

“Not tonight, no… I wanted to be alone.”

“Where are the kids?”

“In Memphis… at Graceland with my mother. They’ll be back in a couple of days.”

“I see…” Michael glanced around, noticing that everything was just the same. Not a single detail had been changed in what had once been their house. “When you hear from them… please, tell them I love them… And that I miss them.”

She turned her back to him as they entered the huge family room, and walked over to the bar.

“They love you and miss you too. You know that.” Her voice was somber, now, and she wasn’t laughing anymore. Michael put his hands into his pockets, and his gaze wandered over the French doors and to the beautiful park surrounding the mansion. He knew Riley and Ben hadn’t taken the separation well. He knew they had been hurting, and the thought broke his heart. He also knew that it was never his or Lisa’s intention to make the children suffer in any way. When they had gotten married, they thought it would be forever.

And instead…

“I got this for us… a while ago. I mean, I wasn’t planning to let you come in, really, but…” Lisa’s voice, trying hard to sound lighter again, trailed off and she showed him a bottle of champagne. “A 1988 Krug Brut…”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Pretty classy stuff…”

“Yeah…” She turned the bottle in her hands, examining the label. “I thought we were gonna open it for our second anniversary…”

Silence. He was glad they hadn’t turned on the lights, and that the room was illuminated only by the dim lights coming from the patio and the foyer. He felt like sinking in the darkness for a second. The pain, the longing too intense once again. It was like a tidal wave, coming and going. The only thing he could do was try to resist. He could hold tight to the mast, hoping not to drown.

“But we can open it now, right?” Once again, her light tone was welcomed, despite being a bit forced. She was trying so hard. They both were. In a way, it was like walking on eggshells.

“Yes… We can. And we should.” He stepped closer to her, hoping to find more comfort and familiarity in her physical proximity.

“Wanna do the honors?”

“Sure…”

As he took care of the bottle and the glasses, moving around the bar just like he used to do when their stubbornness and immaturity hadn’t disintegrated their world, he noticed that she had removed her shoes once again and was now barefoot. There was something so intimate and comfortable in that gesture, something so soothing and familiar. As if she still felt at ease enough, with him, to drop her guard further. And maybe it was just for tonight, because they were giddy and tipsy, too busy undulating between regret and hope to focus on anything else but their perfect moment. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if tomorrow would be different. This night – tonight was everything that counted. They needed this. Didn’t they deserve some solace, some peace after the shit they had gone through? After the shit they had been going through, still? After all the pain, the fury, the loneliness?

“So, you really sent your driver home?” Lisa took the flute from his hand and sipped the champagne. “This is good…”

As he drank, his eyes stayed fixed on her.

“It’s excellent…” He poured them both another glass. “And yes, I did… because I was thinking about having a sleepover… just for old times’ sake.”

Lisa chuckled.

“Oh, were you, now? Thanks for letting me know…”

“You’re so very welcome. I just thought it could be part of our celebration, you know? Remembering the good old times we spent in this house.”

“Do friends do that?”

“What? Remember happier times?”

“Have sleepovers…”

Michael placed his glass back on the bar counter.

“Why not? We got like five bedrooms here…”

“I got.”

He nodded. “That’s right. You got five bedrooms here.” He didn’t take the correction personally. In fact, everything he perceived was their simmering flirting. It had started at the beach, in a way, and was now getting warmer by the second. The familiar, intimate environment helped. And just like that, the idea of reducing his night out with Lisa to a friendly meeting went out of the window before he even realized it. “Would you mind sparing one? Just for tonight?”

Her blue eyes still tethered to his, she stayed quiet for a moment. He could tell that she was struggling with some internal debate and that she was not entirely sober. But it was OK… neither was he. And he knew Lisa. When tipsy, she ran wilder and less controlled than usual. So did he.

And they had been so restricted, so emotionally inhibited lately.

“Not sure I want you upstairs… But maybe you can sleep on the couch in the foyer.”

He chuckled, but stepped closer to her and she didn’t back away. She didn’t want him upstairs? Mh. Interesting…

“So generous of you. Is it time for sleep already?”

When she spoke again, her voice had lowered to that huskier, slightly raspier tone that he had always found tantalizing. Irresistible.

“I was actually thinking about talking a little more… you know… before I tuck you in…”

Her seduction sure was perfection, and he didn’t know if he could resist any longer trying to take things further. Which was what he wanted to do. But there was something even more important than that. Something she needed to know first. He swallowed, turning serious for a second.

“Just for the record, I’d let you do that… ‘cause I’m sure no dark place’s waiting for me tonight…” His hand came up to cradle her cheek, and his thumb ran over her chin. Then traced her bottom lip. “I feel nothing can hurt me now…”

It was the truth. In the whirlwind of the last few weeks, he suddenly felt at peace. Safe and sheltered. Her face, her eyes, were the lighthouse to his ship. Sometimes he thought he would hit the rocks, without that beacon of light. Yes, it had dimmed down to a faint luminescence lately, but it was still there. He saw it now. In the pitch black of his worst moments, Lisa had always been there. And she was still choosing to be. Why? Could it be that there was some love left, among the disillusionment and pain and frustration?

He needed to know. But he had no idea how to do it with words. And he was afraid whatever question he might have, would come out wrong. He didn’t want to scare her away. Now more than ever, he needed the lighthouse to light up his night.

“Nobody can hurt you, Michael. And certainly not Chandler. Not anymore.”

No. Not Chandler. He surely hoped that wound would scar, eventually. But as far as Lisa was concerned, she still held the key. She could hurt and heal. She could be the predator and the shaman. Either the one or the other. And maybe even both… at the same time.

Still staring at him, she raised her glass and drank what remained of her champagne. The moment the flute left her lips, he took it from her hand and leaned in, kissing her. It wasn’t really planned. It just happened, and he went with the flow.

She tasted like expensive wine and heaven.

The kiss was tentative, slow, and Lisa didn’t respond at first. Her lips stayed only slightly parted, soft, warm. His tongue sought entrance gently and, after a moment, was welcomed. The moment it met its companion, Michael thought his knees would give in.

He felt Lisa sighing in the kiss and her arms snaked around his neck, her fingers in his curls, cradling the back of his head, positioning it the way she needed it. His eyes closed, he let himself sink into the sensory experience of her body and soul poured into that kiss and took her into his arms. After a slow, passionate assault, he backed off slightly, kissing her again with soft, gentle pecks.

“Michael…”

“Yeah…”

“What are we doing…”

Another deep kiss. Slow, seductive. She responded immediately.

“Talking…”

She smiled against his lips, and he felt her hand clinging to his jacket.

“OK… keep talking, then…” She nipped at his bottom lip, “…talk some more…”

This time the kiss turned passionate and hot, albeit still slow. All the while, he pulled her closer and his body recognized its soulmate. The moment she melted against him, one hand on his neck, the other still in his hair; the moment he heard her moan in the kiss and his lips moved down, on her throat, as he pulled her head back just enough to reach her fluttering pulse, he felt himself responding. The sizzling feeling of his lower body coming to life was unmistakable and electrifying.

Lisa felt it, too, and the little whimper she let out testified to her impending combustion. And his. She tugged at his hair and found his mouth again, and she didn’t hold back any longer. All the while, what up until that point had been nothing but cautious slowness turned into a barely concealed frenzy. Their hands roaming, looking for more heat, more contact, more skin. They had never spent so much time without making love. In a way, it felt like a second first time.

She pushed his jacket off his shoulders just as Michael undid his tie and started unfastening the buttons of his shirt, as quickly as he could. The shirt followed the jacket on the floor, and Lisa’s hands immediately went under his t-shirt, finding his hot skin, the tensing muscles of his stomach. Once again, she whimpered against his lips and the mental rubber band keeping his self-control together, now stretched to a limit, broke.

Michael’s hands roamed on Lisa’s back, looking for a zipper that wasn’t there. Why did she have to be so difficult? Without leaving her mouth, his tongue still engaging with hers, he groaned and his fingers moved to her ass, lifting her beautiful summer dress until he was able to touch her skin.

“Shit… Lise…”

It was nothing but a whisper in between kisses and Lisa took advantage of the small break and removed his t-shirt, her lips latching to his chest, then trailing lower, to his pectorals, his nipples, his abdominals. He exhaled and held her head closer, needing to feel her. All of her.

They were on complete autopilot, their bodies resuming what they had always known how to do so well without any need for their brain to kick in. No rationale was necessary. Not right now. All they needed was pure instinct.

She pushed him back and toward the plush couch at the center of the room, and they collapsed on it, clinging to one another, their kisses now hot and uninhibited. Heavy breathing, panting broke the silence of the mansion and Michael knew, there was no turning back now. They were too far gone.

Reclining, he pulled Lisa’s lithe body on top of his and finally pushed the top part of her dress down unceremoniously. No bra. Just perfect. His lips found her quickly hardening nipples, and she arched her back, offering herself to his kisses, her lower body pushing down and into him, swaying against his crotch. Michael thought he would pass out. Blood thundered in his ears, his head spun and his fingertips tingled. He needed her so much. He wanted her more than he ever remembered having craved her before – which said a lot.

His hand still kneading her breast, he shivered when he felt her nimble fingers reach down and in between them, rubbing him through his pants.

“Lisa… fuck…”

“Yeah… Getting there…” She was breathless, and now sat in between his legs, her shaky fingers busy undoing his belt, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants.

He just took a moment to watch her, breathing hard. Not for a second he thought that what they were doing was wrong in any way, shape or form. In fact, nothing had felt more right in a very long time and the way all his nerve endings responded to her touch, her scent, her mere presence, showed that he was indeed precisely where he needed to be.

Sitting up, he covered her hand with his own as she finally managed to free him from the constraint of his pants. She looked down and bit her lip. He knew she loved it when their hands worked him together. He felt her desire. The temperature was getting to a boiling point quicker than they both expected. How could you prevent a bubbling volcano from exploding with lava and lapilli? There was no way. And the silent glance they exchanged said just that.

His other hand reached around once again. He pulled up her dress, and she finally managed to take it off.

“God… what a sweet, sexy body you have, baby girl… I missed it so fucking much…” His words sounded dark and raspy, and he saw Lisa’s eyes darkening.

“Are we still talking?” As she stared at him, her hand kept stroking his aching cock.

He squeezed his eyes shut for the shortest instant. “Oh yeah… the best convo we’ve had in months…”

The dirty grin she bestowed on him did nothing to tame his arousal.

“So I take it you’re gonna take the couch?”

He laughed, lowly. Then took her in his arms, bridal style, as he rose from the sofa.

“I’m gon’ take much more than the couch…”

In complete spite of Lisa’s apparent intention not to let him anywhere near her private quarters, he walked straight to the stairs. She just clung to him, kissing him hotly as they went upstairs and toward what had always been their bedroom. Her hot tongue on his neck only managed to speed up his pace.

The door was ajar and he kicked it open, without letting go of her lips. The urgency of having her, taking her, marking her his was becoming intolerable, and although he had always taken pride in his ability to control his urges, he knew very well that there was nothing he could do, now, to push the beast back into its den. He could only let it loose.

“Little Red Riding Hood… you’re in serious danger…” He whispered into her ear as he put her back down, pushing her against the wall near the door.

Lisa laughed, huskily, throwing her head back.

“Oh, I know…” She grabbed him again as he braced his arms on either side of her body. “Believe me, I know…”

Another drugging kiss and they were both lost. When he backed off slightly, Lisa was all he saw. Lisa, standing there wearing only her thong, her skin flushed, her eyes bright and seemingly high, her lips moist and red.

“Fuck… Com’ere…” Grabbing her by the back of her head, he pulled her closer again and their lips met for the umpteenth time. It was not enough. It was never enough.

It occurred to him that this could go two ways. Either the night was going to be the first night of the rest of their lives, or the last they would ever spend together. The second hypothesis was jarring and managed to actually make him lose focus for a second. He backed off again, just slightly, blinking his eyelids.

As usual, Lisa understood. Her hands framed his face, and she studied his eyes. He had always known how perceptive she could be. How hard it was to hide from her, if she wanted to find him.

“Michael… Mike. Please, don’t stop.” She kissed him softly. “This… making love to you right now… It’s all I can think about. Please don’t stop.”

How was it even possible that they both kept swinging between pain and longing and giddiness and excitement? This – all of this – was so messed up. Shaking his head, trying hard to get rid of the cobwebs of his insecurity, Michael kissed her again, hard, his body fully pressing against hers now. Ultimately, that moment right there was everything they had.

Then his lips descended, one hand on her breast, stroking and caressing, his other hand in between her legs, gently tracing the outline of her skimpy underwear. Lisa moaned out loud, her legs trembled.

“God… please. Please.”

Her begging was an added bonus. A drop of gasoline able to stoke the flames higher. But she didn’t need to do anything, really. He was way over the point of non-return.

He sank to his knees in front of her and she leaned back, against the wall. As he opened her legs, his lips finding the warm, toned flesh of her thigh, her eyes closed and, automatically, one hand rested on his head. Her fingers ran through his hair. She knew what was about to happen. And she wanted it with an intensity that scared her.

Michael pushed her thong to a side and latched his lips on her pulsing flesh and she cried out, louder than intended. Then she bit her lip, as his tongue stroked her, entered her, marked her his. He was taking back what he felt was his, and there was absolutely nothing she could – or wanted to – do to stop him. She was his. It didn’t matter how fucked up they were, and how powerful of a weapon her denial could be. Deep down in her heart, Lisa knew.

Her pelvis started to sway against his mouth and tongue. His low, almost baritone sounds of pleasure edged her further, and within seconds she couldn’t hold back any longer. Her body started to writhe, unable to contrast his passionate assault, his mouth touching and fucking her just the right way, and she came hard. Michael’s hands on her ass pulled her closer to him, and he didn’t let up, torturing her until she thought her legs would just give in.

Then he kissed up her body, taking his time to worship the flat plane of her belly, her breasts. The intoxicating scent of him was a cloak that left everything else outside. Finally standing before her again, he found her eyes and they were illuminated by a light that he hadn’t seen in quite some time. She immediately grabbed his head, pulling him closer, kissing him and tasting herself on him. When he pushed her thong down, she simply stepped out of it.

In a sudden and unexpected aggressive move, she reversed their positions and pushed him against the wall. She was out of breath, her face flustered, her hair a mess. She looked like a goddess and he was not sure he would be able not to come before she even touched him. Well, she didn’t really give him the time to recover, as her body once again pressed against his, their skins touching, her small hand grabbing hold of him again and squeezing. Michael winced, and not out of pain. Out of anticipation.

“Stay right there…” She kissed him again, hotly, quickly. “Don’t move…”

It was her turn to drop to her knees. Michael’s head lowered, his chin almost touching his collarbone. He looked down at her and just seeing her there, in that position, pulling down his pants, helping him take them off, was nearly enough to make him lose it. Still staring at him, she rested one hand on his muscular thigh while the other grabbed his cock at the base. He shivered, struggling to keep his eyes open.

“That’s it, big guy… look at me.”

Holy shit. It was not as easy as it seemed. And yet he managed somehow. His senses on fire, he watched her as she caressed him and kissed him gently, before finally giving him a bit of relief with her tongue and her mouth. His legs shook as she took him and he inhaled a deep breath as his hand ran through her hair, following her movements. Soon, his hips were engaged too and specks of light started to decorate his vision. He was so very close. It had been too long, and he knew he wasn’t going to hold off much longer.

“Lise… Oh fuck. Shit… back off…” He spoke through gritted teeth, feeling sweat trickle down his temples.

Her blue eyes darted up at him and she let him go for the shortest instant. Her hand kept holding him, her grip firm and secure.

“No…”

“No?” He swallowed. Seemed like babygirl needed to feel a bit in control. He couldn’t really blame her…

“No… I want this. I want you.” Once again, her other hand ran up and down his thigh. Then grabbed his testicles.

He felt himself throb in her hand and once again clenched his teeth. Their roleplaying was founded on a very delicate balance between power and concession. Michael grabbed her hair, on the back of her head, and nodded.

“Yeah? Then take it, babe… But take it all.”

She didn’t need to be told twice. This time, his eyes closed and he could only let himself float in the amazing sensation of being loved and taken that way by the one woman who really knew how to love and take him. Passionate and delicate at the same time, Lisa chipped at his control bit after bit and within seconds, he started to yelp and jerk in her mouth and hands, feeling liquid fire dart down his spine and straight into his groin. Curse words and her name mixing in breathless whispers and moans, he threw his head back and his hand let go of her head, giving her complete sovereignty over his body. He came so hard that he almost blacked out and she was there with him, not only taking everything he had to give, but absorbing his soul and spirit in the process. Sheltering him and protecting him.

When she rose to her feet and wrapped her arms around his neck, she went quiet. Her face rested on his sweaty chest, and she smiled, her eyes closed.

“Your heart is beating so fast…” She kissed the spot and the sudden tenderness he felt almost crushed him. Something was changing inside of him. Something was shifting, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Not yet.

“I know…” He kissed the top of her head, then tipped her chin up and found her lips, kissing her deeply. “It’s your fault…”

And just like that, unsurprisingly, he was getting hard again. Well, he had never really gone completely soft anyway. His increasingly rigid shaft was starting to strain against his belly, pressing against her stomach. Shit… this was insane.

Of course, Lisa noticed and raised an eyebrow, glancing down with a grin.

“Well… Look at that… What’s going on down there?”

He guided her hand on himself as he kissed her again, taking his time to recover a bit more.

“Once again… All your fault…”

“What should we do about it?”

“Not sure… Kinda difficult to think when there’s no blood left in my brain…”

The kisses and caresses continued for a bit. The flames started to burn brightly once again. She touched him gently, slowly.

“Oh, baby… You’re so damn hard and ready… again. And big…” She backed off just enough to scan his eyes. Soulful, dark eyes. Anticipation and a bit of apprehension swept over her knowing that it had been months since the last time he had taken her and made her his. Knowing that him filling her again would be the most pleasurable pain she would ever experience.

Their sexual connection flawless as usual, Michael just took her into his arms again, lifting her off the floor and walked over to the bed. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he sat on the white satin sheets. He kept her in his lap, kissing her slowly now, his lips tracing a path to her collarbone and breasts, his strong hands rubbing her back, kneading her ass.

“You’re in charge, girl… for now…” Another intoxicating kiss. “Take me as you want… Take whatever you want…”

Her stormy eyes bore into his as her fingers clasped in his sweaty hair, on the back of his head. Lifting up on her knees, Lisa guided him inside her body. She blinked when he breached her and bit her lip, taking a deep breath. Then she sat down on him fully, and they both moaned out loud. The pressure. The heat. The perfect match between their two bodies. Once again, Michael caressed her back, the soft texture of her skin beneath his fingertips intoxicating in its perfection. He felt consumed by her already and he knew he still had a bit to give. She rose again and sat on him once more, and this time she sheathed him fully. His head started to buzz and he leaned her forehead against hers.

Lisa took a moment to adjust, her body reacquainting itself with his size and hardness. Observing her, he saw her struggle. It was both physical and emotional. But he knew her. He knew she wanted what was happening.

And then she started to move, grasping his hair tighter. Her little sobs and whimpers as seductive as her perfect, hot tightness.

“Michael… Move with me…” She flinched. “…Shit… It’s too much.”

He pulled her closer, understanding the implications of her words.

“No…” He kissed her, again and again, as he started to move as well. “No, it’s not… Look at me. Stay with me.”

He knew her body by heart. He knew how it reacted to his touch. He also knew Lisa’s pleasure ignited from surprise and anticipation and he moved in slow, languid thrusts, fighting against the urge of fucking her hard and fast, and wanting her to feel all of him. He wanted all her highly sensitive nerve endings to be on fire. He wanted her to never forget this night.

She became more relaxed, even more aroused, her body started to respond fully and she rose a little, allowing him only to give her a series of perfect, shallow thrusts. Oh yeah. His girl wanted this to last. She didn’t want him to come right away. Well, great… since he had no intention to stop. Possibly, ever.

She reached down and between their bodies and once again stroked his testicles. Oh shit. Maybe he had misinterpreted her intentions after all.

“Gimme more, babe…” Her low, husky voice did the rest.

“You want more? Take it…”

And she did. With him. What had started as a slow, languid lovemaking became a passionate, desperate coupling, as her movements quickened and his thrusts intensified. Their caresses and kisses became hotter and more ardent. Their erotic dance as perfect as it had always been.

Kissing her, he explored her mouth with his tongue and almost lost it when she moaned against his lips, all the while swaying over his body, her rocking motions hypnotizing. He felt her strong inner muscles flutter, her whimpers intensify and she shattered into his arms. He kept going, trying his best to maximize her pleasure, and within minutes she came again, even harder, crying out, scratching his back, biting down on his shoulder. Smoothly, he moved and shifted their positions, coming to lie on top of her, regaining control at last. He looked down at her and realized he was such in deep trouble. He teased her with a series of moves, entering her with just the tip of his shaft, then thrusting only halfway in, and then removing himself entirely from her warmth, just to stroke her outside with his own body. Holding off became extremely difficult when she locked her legs around his hips and pulled him in, forcing the intense friction, the deep thrusting he knew would be his undoing.

Having her that way, drowning in the sea of her eyes, the full skin on skin contact, the scorching hot thumping and throbbing of her body were the last push toward the cliff.

As his thrusts became sharper and quicker, her eyes snapped open and once again found his. Struggling to find her voice and any coherent word in between moans and sobs, she finally managed to finish him off.

“I wanna feel you come inside of me.”

Michael winced, his eyes closing.

“Oh shit… Oh, fucking… hell…” He froze, his body shivered, then started to convulse and spasm as he finally let himself go, releasing into her with an outbreak of violence that almost scared him. And all the while, the confusion he had felt up until that point disappeared like a cloudy sky after a thunderstorm.

He knew what he felt.

He was helplessly, desperately in love with the woman he was losing.