Contingent – Chapter 6 | Push me, Pull me

Chapter 6 | Push me, Pull me

epiphany (n.)

early 14c., “festival of the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles” (celebrated Jan. 6; usually with a capital -E-), from Old French epiphanie, from Late Latin epiphania, neuter plural (taken as feminine singular), from late Greek epiphaneia “manifestation, striking appearance, festival held in commemoration of the appearance of a god at some particular place” (in New Testament, “advent or manifestation of Christ”), from epiphanes “manifest, conspicuous,” from epiphainein “to manifest, display, show off; come suddenly into view,” from epi “on, to” (see epi-) + phainein “to show” (from PIE root *bha- (1) “to shine”). Of divine beings other than Christ, first recorded 1660s; general literary sense of “any manifestation or revelation” appeared 1840, first in De Quincey.

The texture of her skin, her soft warmth definitely were the best feelings in the world he remembered having while waking up. Not that they had slept much at all. Michael, his eyes half-open, savored the silence of the early morning and watched the sky turning from lilac to blue outside the windows. The curtains were open, and they had been that way all night. He was glad that, during their marriage, he had convinced Lisa to build much higher walls around Hidden Hills, otherwise the tabloids would probably have something very juicy, very dirty and undoubtedly unexpected to publish about him right now.

He didn’t move, knowing well that his entire body was sore. But no soreness had ever felt more fulfilling. Despite having kept their sexual connection intact even during the worst times of their union, he simply had forgotten the extremes he and Lisa could reach together, when they were both in one of their moods. The previous night was precisely the case.

After the first round, they had started again almost immediately, and he didn’t remember having stopped since. Yes, well, at one point they had dozed off, which was understandable given that the other possible scenario would have probably been a coma. But still… his head sinking in the soft pillow, his hair wild, eyes puffy and glassy, he didn’t remember having felt this good in a very long time.

The last thing he recalled before they both were too exhausted to keep their eyes open, was letting her ride him slowly and languidly, her petite and perfect body sitting up in his lap, him painfully hard and buried deep inside her warmth. She had danced in the moonlight, like a goddess, and he had been unable to peel his eyes off her. The milky blueish reflections of the night on her naked skin, glistening with sweat, the way she swayed her hips on him as if she were swimming underwater, her breasts moving with each thrust, her hands on his chest, holding onto him and stroking him at the same time. Those same hands she had then moved them up to his neck, not tightening their grasp, but caressing him instead, and then she had leaned forward and he had felt her warm breath on his skin, her turgid nipples stroking his torso. The only thing he had been able to do, at that point, was to find her mouth and kiss her until they were both breathless.

That last time had felt like a rebirth of some sort – the waves of pleasure charged with soft electricity that had almost moved him to tears. Lisa, too, had looked emotionally affected and, at one point, he was pretty sure he had seen her eyes shimmering, her feelings barely kept at bay. It had been so difficult not to tell her how much he loved her.

When the climax had come, it had been simultaneous and so powerful that he had sat up, needing to hold her close. Her arms around his shoulders, the intoxicating scent of her skin – not perfume, not anymore, but something primal, even more seducing, something sweet and heady that was just Lisa’s, and that meant home to him – and her hushed words, whispered in his ear… each and every detail as precious and unique, as a newly discovered diamond.

He was now spooning her, and that was not surprising either. They had always loved sleeping that way. Connected. Their bodies not in mere proximity, but always, always touching. In fact, sleeping next to Lisa was one of the things he missed the most about their relationship. Countless mornings, through the years, he had awakened finding their fingers entwined, or her head on his shoulder, her long hair tickling his stomach. More often than not, his chest was pressed against her back. Some other times it was the exact opposite and she was the one spooning him, her forehead leaning in between his shoulder blades, her breathing slow, light, warm and comforting. As if, even when she was not awake, she wanted to protect him, to take care of him.

This morning wasn’t any different.

He let his fingertips run over Lisa’s naked shoulder. His other hand, she was still holding onto it and was pressed against her chest as she slept. So sweet. So cute. So utterly… right. Michael’s soft smile couldn’t be avoided, and he shifted forward slightly, burying his face in Lisa’s hair, inhaling her scent and closing his eyes. He wanted to mark that moment forever.

She hadn’t sent him home after they were done… talking. Which was a good thing, right? Well… they hadn’t really talked that much, since after making love again and again they had just fallen asleep. So maybe he was wrong…

No. He didn’t want to go there. He needed to stay positive and hope for the best. Judging from the way she had touched him, looked at him, and from the words that had been spoken – and the things they had done – surely she must still feel something for him… She hadn’t looked distant, when they had started to…

Lisa stirred and his thoughts vanished. He lifted his head from the pillow and kissed her neck, and smiled when he heard her purr and press her perfect ass against his… Shit! Morning erection. Michael started to wonder if it was healthy to stand at attention for hours on end. Well… not that he could do much about it, except for…

“Stop it…” Lisa’s whisper was followed by a low, sleepy chuckle. “Didn’t you get enough already?”

“Hey, I’m not doing anything…” All the while, he resumed the kissing. From her neck to her shoulder, from her shoulder to her arm. Gentle kisses and little, tantalizing bites.

“How long did we sleep?” She glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand. “Shit… not even two hours?”

He nuzzled her neck, and his free hand traced a route down her side. Lisa sighed.

“You tired?” Michael spoke in between kisses. He was thrilled, noticing that she was still holding onto his hand and now used it to caress her chest. Lisa pressed his fingers against her warm skin. And she let his other hand continue its exploration. Just perfect…

“Exhausted. So let me rest some more already.” Her feigned huffy tone only made his smile bigger. Especially because, all the while, her body moved back and further into his.

“OK…”

“OK?”

“Mh… Yes. Sure. Whatever you say, baby.” His kisses reached the back of her neck and she immediately dipped her head forward, granting him more access. All the while, she moved his hand on her breast, holding it there. And, once again, her pelvis rocked against him. The epitome of coherence.

Michael felt the familiar feeling resurface in the pit of his stomach. It was both physical and emotional. He knew exactly what it was, but he was not sure he could go there yet. It was, in a way, intolerable in its intensity and he had to understand how to tread carefully, first. How to handle it without being torn to pieces in the process.

But he could still do something now. He could pretend it was still nighttime. That tomorrow wasn’t there yet. That it didn’t exist at all.

“Lise…”

“What…” Her voice nothing but a husky whisper. He gently touched her face.

“Kiss me…”

She turned her head and he found the blue lagoons of her eyes. Immediately, everything else seemed to just blackout from his field of vision. Raising his head, he searched her lips and the amazement he felt when he found them was enlightened by her hand coming up, her fingers raking through his hair, pulling his head closer. They kissed, and it was slow and passionate and all the while her other hand reached back, seeking him, grasping his erection, stroking it. Michael moaned in her mouth, covering her hand with his own, setting the rhythm of her caress. Once again. The pleasure never, ever enough.

“I want you again,” he whispered against her lips, “I need you again… Let me make you mine…”

He saw her swallow, felt her pulse quicken under his hand. Her eyes sinking into his. Their expression – a mixture between barely concealed lust, longing and something else he couldn’t pinpoint. She tugged at his shaft, her touch gentle yet firm. She didn’t say anything, but he knew the language their bodies spoke and felt that she needed him too. He felt it with incredible, unmistakable clarity.

Still spooning her, he stroked her and slid into her inch by inch, their eyes still connected. Lisa’s pupils dilated, her irises seemed to darken. He kissed her again as he seated fully into her body, finding torture and solace in her heat. There was no other place where he felt more sheltered and secure. Holding her by the hip, he focused on her mouth, kissing her with soft, gentle pecks alternating with long, deep, open-mouthed kisses. Their dance was slow this morning, unhurried, the tempo set to last and prolong the pleasure. To stop time.

Lisa blinked her eyelids slowly and bit her lip, trying to contain her moans. But her breathing was getting quicker by the second, and her cheeks were now flushed. Michael knew what that meant.

“Like this?” He closed his fist into her hair, on the back of her head. Forcing her to look at him.

She nodded her head.

“Say it…”

She just swallowed, but didn’t reply. Michael gave her a couple of deeper, powerful thrusts and she whimpered.

“Say it, Lise…” Another kiss. “Tell me you want this…”

“I want this…”

“What do you want? Tell me what you want…”

Her lower body pushed back and into him, and it was his turn to moan.

“You…”

“Baby…” His features softened. His tongue gently stroked her lips and she parted them, welcoming him, her eyes closing. Clinging to one another, they built the rhythm of their quiet, unspoken love and, once again, he had to force himself not to tell her how his heart exploded while having her like that. How he felt utterly lovestruck, how one single night back in her arms had been enough, for him, to renege every intention just to ice her out or forget about her that way. How he felt, for the umpteenth time since he had met her again as an adult, like he was falling in love with her all over again.

His thrusts intensified the moment he felt her quiver and shake under the intense barrage of sensations accompanying her climax. Setting his jaw, he accompanied her through the intense pleasure, feeling on the verge of falling into the abyss himself. After she came, her muscles holding him captive in the most pleasurable prison ever conceived, she scooted forward and he slid out of her. For a moment, he felt lost and forlorn.

But she was not leaving. She simply rolled on her other side, facing him now, and scooted closer again, kissing him slowly, draping her leg around his hip. He understood and, without even needing any help to guide himself into her, penetrated her again. Their bodies intertwined, connected in the most perfect puzzle, they started moving again. Michael’s hands on her ass guided her through the tantalizing waves of rapture, his pelvis dancing against her, his lips trailing down and finding her breasts, her nipples, biting, sucking. She couldn’t do anything but hold onto him. His head, his broad shoulders, against the hurricane of bliss.

He knew their sexual connection had always been mind-blowing, but there was something different adding to the mix, now. Something he was not sure they had ever experienced before. Their lovemaking held an urgent, desperate quality that seemed to intensify the pleasure while, on the other hand, generate some sort of deep-rooted fear. A fear he could only fight by not letting her go.

“Michael… Oh, fuck!” She bit his neck. “Oh, baby… Oh my God…”

She came again, even harder and screaming out this time, her head thrown back. He felt her fingers grasp his muscles as tightly as she could and his pleasure mounted, unstoppable. Resistance was futile. He was close enough for his lungs to start burning. His heart threatened to explode.

“Lise… I’m gonna…”

“Oh yeah… Please, baby. Mike… come on…”

He moaned, trying to hold on. Lisa framed his face with both hands. Her forehead leaning against his. Her eyes half-open, her voice breathless.

“That’s it… I feel you, baby… Oh, God. Let go. I’m right here, Mike… Right here. Let it go.”

He seemed to stop and freeze for a moment, and then his thrusts resumed, quicker and more powerful now. He felt as if liquid fire was burning through him and rolled over, on top of her, grabbing her hands, pinning them down above her head, their fingers entwining. Her legs locked around his hips.

“Yes. Just like that. I’m right here with you, Mike. Come on…”

Those words were his undoing.

I’m right here. With you.

His orgasm mounted and ignited hers too and, as usual, they found themselves coming together. Such a perfect connection. Comparable only to the raw intensity of their separations.

For a moment, he thought the pleasure was never going to end. Whenever he felt like he was done, her contracting muscles sent aftershocks up to his spine and he would jerk into her.

“Jesus…” His breath was ragged.

Lisa smiled, caressing his back, forcing him to stay right where he was. Not that he had any intention to leave. They kissed again for the longest time and then he finally withdrew from her, a bit half-heartedly. The realization of not having used any precaution made him feel thrilled for some reason. They had never used condoms – ever. They had always trusted each other. And he wanted, needed to feel her skin on skin. She wasn’t a groupie. She was not a one night stand. She was not a casual fuck. She was…

“Mike…”

“Mh?” His eyes focused on her and he lay down by her side. She took his hand and kissed it.

“Where are you?” She was looking at him with that sweet, inquisitive expression that always made him feel like he could not hide.

“I’m here…” He gave her a tentative smile.

“Scared I’m gonna kick you out?”

His eyebrows sprung up at her smirk.

“Should I be?”

“Well, technically… sleepovers are supposed to end in the morning.”

He glanced around the room.

“Ah… I don’t see no morning. It’s still dark. And I know you’d never make me feel like some piece of ass that you just throw away once the fun’s over.”

She chuckled and shook her head.

“You really are something…”

“Yeah…” He scooted closer to her, touched her chin. Kissed her again, lovingly. “You are, too…”

Once again, they bought time as they cuddled and kissed. They didn’t speak at all, but Michael knew it was time to take things one step further. Maybe even ten steps further. In a way, this was the perfect moment: they both were soft, open, vulnerable. They had reconnected, they had felt each other so profoundly and he knew it was not only physical. He needed to treat what they had built throughout the previous twelve hours wisely. Right now, Lisa was not guarded. She didn’t look like the injured doe he had come to know when their divorce proceedings had started. Which was bizarre, since she had been the one initiating them. Foot stomping or not.

He blinked, trying to push any unpleasant thought to the back of his mind. Maybe not everything was lost. This could be a seed to grow something better than what they had so carelessly destroyed.

“You know what… I’m gonna go downstairs and make some breakfast… You hungry?”

She pulled back and sighed, once again studying him.

“I worked up an appetite, yes…”

He smiled, feeling pleased with himself.

“Pancakes?”

“Pancakes be it. Just try not to set the kitchen on fire.” She raked her fingers through his hair.

One last kiss, and he was up and off the bed, glancing around and trying to find his pants and mumbling that they had made a mess. That made Lisa laugh, and his heart fluttered.

He had every intention of having breakfast in bed with her, and maybe going for round three hundred, but she spoiled his plans when she reached him in the kitchen. She noticed how neatly he had been working and gave him an appreciative look.

Michael giggled, decorating his perfect pancakes with blueberries and whipped cream.

“You should stop underestimating me, woman…”

She tilted her head and walked over to him, hugging him from behind and kissing his back.

“Maybe. We’ll see…” She stepped back, sitting at the table and clasped her hands under her chin. Michael turned his head, glancing at her. His eyes laughed.

“Something you want?”

“My breakfast… I’m hungry, and it’s because of you. So it’s only fair.”

He laughed, lowly, shaking his head.

“Yes, ma’am…”

The bantering. How he had missed it. It almost felt… it almost felt like they were still married. The thorn in his heart made its presence known. It burned. It made him bleed, reminding him that they were not married. Not anymore.

He sat across the table, placing the plate in front of her. He just sipped some tea.

“Not having any pancakes?” She put a forkful in her mouth and chewed, slowly. “They are delicious, Michael.”

“So are you…” He stared at her from behind his mug.

“Eat.” Another forkful, and this time she fed him. The thorn plunged deeper into his heart. The perfection of a fragile crystal. That was what they were.

“Lise… Lisa.” He put the mug down on the table and took a deep breath. From the shifting in her look, he knew that she was aware of what was about to come. “I think we should talk.”

“About Chandler?”

His heart ached. She knew damn well it was not about Chandler.

“No, not about him. Who the fuck cares about him. I think we need to talk about us…”

She set her jaw and placed the fork in the plate, very calmly. She didn’t say anything.

“Lise… What happened last night… You know me. I’m not the one-night-stand kinda guy.”

“I know.” Suddenly those half-eaten pancakes had become extremely interesting.

“And…” His eyes closed for a second. He had to say it. “I do love you. I am in love with you. Still. Always. Lise, I…”

She looked up at him again, and this time her irises had taken that liquid hue that preluded the tears.

“I think we can still fix this. I think we should at least try. We deserve that much.”

She shook her head ever so slightly.

“Michael… Please. Not now…”

“What? Please, what?” He reached out and took her hand. She didn’t back away, but stood perfectly still.

She seemed to ponder over her words.

“There’s another woman involved. And a baby. You know that. It’s not like it used to be, it just can’t be. And… I don’t think that could be the foundation for… anything, really. Anything but a friendship.”

He frowned.

“There is no other woman involved. You know the deal. Yes, I’m gonna have a baby – and I’m happy, so very happy…”

“I know. And I’m happy for you.” However, her voice sounded very sad.

“And I think something good can come out of this… Lise, there’s still love between you and me. This baby… he or she can’t change the fact that I’m not in love with Debbie. She’s not my girlfriend. We’re not dating or anything. She’s a friend… She’s just helping me out. She doesn’t want anything from me.”

Lisa flinched.

“Yes, I do know that’s how you see her. I don’t share your opinion but, like I said… It’s your business now, not mine. Not anymore.”

The little crease in between her eyebrows told Mike that she was getting upset and frustrated. But he could not stop now. It was too late. It was a make it or break it situation.

“You’re right, Debbie is not your business. But this baby can be. Lisa, we…”

She pulled her hand back and rose from the chair, getting busy at the sink. Washing dishes.

He got up too and followed her, but kept a bit of distance.

“…We can raise the baby together. I mean, I get that you don’t wanna have my kids, and it was hard to accept, but I -”

“Oh, is that what you think?” She turned and stared at him. And her voice was no longer calm. Her eyes were blazing. And shimmering at the same time. “That I don’t wanna have kids with you? It’s that simple for you? You think it’s that fucking simple?”

He backed off, just slightly, taken aback by her sudden outburst. And his walls came up just like that, even before he realized it.

“Well, that’s exactly what you told me. And I believed you.”

“That’s what you heard, yes. I don’t doubt it.”

Michael scoffed. “So, let me get this straight… the kids problem… was it like the divorce papers? Words and deeds not really matching?”

“The kids problem?” She winched. “What the fuck are you talking about, Michael?”

“Were you testing me?”

“Testing you? What the fuck?” She shook her head and walked out of the kitchen. And he followed her.

“Then tell me, Lisa Marie! Tell me what you think I can’t understand!”

His condescending tone made her stop mid-step. She turned to face him, and glared at him. “No. No, Michael. I ain’t telling you anything anymore. I’m done telling you.”

“Why? Why the fuck not? I’m here, we’re here, we’re talking about it!”

“Oh, are we? Really. You just can’t see my point, can you? You never could.”

“I do see your point. And that’s why I’m offering you the chance to raise this kid with me! Because that’s what was supposed to happen all along!”

“Oh, was it.” Her eyes now looked arctic cold. “Is that why you wanted to spend the night here, Michael? You wanted to fuck me blind, so I could no longer see why the fuck we’re separated?”

“Oh, please,” He snorted, “don’t tell me you didn’t want what happened…”

“Yes. I wanted what happened. Because I’m an idiot. And because I thought it would comfort you. I was wrong.”

“What is that supposed to mean? Comfort me? Are you out of your mind?”

She let out an empty chuckle.

“You know what? You’re right. Yes, I am out of my mind. Thinking you needed some comfort… from me, of all people.”

Oh, he did. He needed her to comfort him so much. But looking weak now, as he felt she was misreading him and twisting his words and intentions, was the last thing he wanted.

“So is that a no?” He called after her as she started climbing up the stairs.

“Last night changes nothing, Michael. It was a bad decision… and I’m taking responsibility for it.”

“You still…” He bit his tongue. He was going to ask her if she still wanted to divorce him. Usually, she didn’t let anything slip. He expected her to stop and ask him point blank what he was about to say. But she didn’t. She disappeared from his view and he heard the bedroom door slam shut.

Michael closed his eyes. It was a make it or break it situation, alright. And it hadn’t gone well. Suddenly feeling exhausted, misunderstood and disappointed, he retrieved his shirt and jacket from the family room and left Hidden Hills.

San Bernardino, California – August 1996

“And you haven’t seen her since?”

“No…” Michael shook his head and dabbed his face with a towel. “For the last two months, she has basically become invisible… Puff!” He made a gesture, like a soap bubble exploding before his eyes. “Disappeared.”

“I see… But did you try to call her?”

He shot Debbie a glance.

“Call her? Why should I do that? I mean… she couldn’t be any clearer. She wants to be left alone… and I respect that.”

“I am so sorry, Michael… I know you care about her a lot.” Debbie watched him with sympathetic eyes and, almost in an automatic gesture, her hand came up to her stomach. “But I do hope things will get better as soon as this little one is born.”

Michael’s forehead distended, and he smiled, very softly. She was right. Debbie had gone through her first trimester flawlessly, and he was much less anxious now. After her first miscarriage, he had become more and more apprehensive and was glad the most critical time of the pregnancy was now behind their backs.

Also, she had become a strict confidant to him. Debbie knew all about Lisa. She was aware that Michael was still in love with his ex-wife. And she knew they had spent a night together while they were still divorcing. Debbie had acted in such a gracious, selfless way. Just wanting to hear him out, merely being there for him. Like a good friend. Michael felt lucky to have her around, especially in such a complicated moment in his life, when every step had to be taken carefully.

“Yes, it will. And in the meantime, well… I’ll just wait for Lisa to come around… I know her. She needs some time to decompress. This divorce took a toll on her… and me, obviously.”

Yeah. The divorce was now final. Michael sighed. He really could not believe it had actually happened, and the only thing that had propelled him forward was Debbie’s pregnancy. In all honesty, he didn’t know if he would be able to do anything but go through the motions without the baby.

“And you still wanna see her?” Debbie’s blue eyes studied him. “I mean, despite her behavior last time you were together?”

He cocked his head to a side. “Why? How did she behave last time?”

“Well, she said she ain’t gonna raise this kid with you. That says a lot about her, if you ask me…”

“She didn’t say that.” He shrugged his shoulders. “She didn’t say anything…”

“See? Same thing.”

Not really. He wondered what was there to see, anyway. Or what Debbie was trying to convey. Lisa hadn’t acted in any specific way, except being upset. Michael knew very well what a little firecracker his ex-wife could be, and was well aware that, that infamous morning, her reaction had been very contained for her standards. But at the same time, he could understand why Lisa didn’t sit well with Debbie. The difference between the sullen image that Lisa sometimes conveyed publicly, or to people she didn’t know, and the person that she really was, was startling. Lisa was far from a tough girl. She was strong, but also very fragile. Soft-hearted. Gentle. And very vulnerable. She got hurt easily, and walling up, detaching herself from any potentially intrusive or hurtful surrounding was her way to cope. Michael, of all people, understood that.

However, there were other things he didn’t understand. Her sudden disappearance and the divorce becoming final without a word from her part were the main two. He had thought… he had hoped…

His head lowered and he didn’t reply to Debbie’s rhetorical question. It was pointless anyway. Lisa was not Debbie’s business and vice versa. But apparently, both women were his business. What a motherfucking mess.

He heard a knock on the door of his dressing room and put the towel around his neck. It was probably Wayne or someone from his team telling him that the break was over and that they could resume rehearsals. It was about time they fixed those lights onstage.

“Come in…”

Wayne’s face appeared in the door frame.

“Boss?”

“Hey. Are we ready?”

“Uh? No, they’re still fixing the thing.”

Michael raised an eyebrow.

“What’s going on then?”

“There’s… ah – someone is waiting for you backstage. It’s Miss Presley…”

Michael was glad his body was not made of glass. Otherwise, both Wayne and Debbie would have seen his heart take the elevator from his chest to his throat. Or him shattering like a crystal ball. However, his face remained remarkably calm.

“Lisa’s here?”

Wayne, too, did his best to keep his face emotionless but his eyes darted to Debbie for the shortest instant.

“Yes, Michael.”

In his peripheral vision, Michael noticed Debbie shift in her chair. Her body seemed to stiffen. She was probably as surprised as he was at Lisa’s sudden appearance. Not in a million years Michael would have guessed to see her anytime soon. When he had told Debbie that Lisa sometimes needed a bit of time to get over stuff, he had purposefully avoided mentioning that her concept of time could often equal to several months.

“Boss, do you want me to let her in, or you’re going to her?” Wayne looked clearly uncomfortable. Caught in the middle of a situation he didn’t completely understand. Yeah, Michael knew exactly the feeling.

He glanced at Debbie, but she didn’t even move. She was in no way about to get up from her chair.

“Oh, don’t worry about it… I’ll meet her. Thank you, Wayne.”

The bodyguard nodded and closed the door.

“Debbie…” Michael stood up and dabbed his face once more.

“Yes, Michael. I understand, you still wanna be friends with her and now you’re gonna meet her. It’s fine.” She smiled. “Just be careful… I don’t want you to get hurt.” Her hand, once again, stroked her stomach. “Remember that your baby needs you. And I do, too.”

He just stared at her for a moment, his eyes narrowing.

“Of course. Of course. Well… Wayne is at your complete disposal if you need anything, OK? And my driver will take you home if you don’t feel like taking the car.”

“Oh, no.” She finally rose from her chair. “I don’t need to be babysat, Michael. I’m a grown woman. I’ll see you soon, dear.” Placing her hands on his shoulders, she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, but very, very close to his lips. He moved his face, slightly. A bit surprised. But his mind was elsewhere, and Debbie was slowly shifting to the periphery of his thoughts.

“Alright. I’ll call you to check on you and the baby…” He rested his hand on her stomach for a moment, and she did the same, lingering a little. Then, with one final smile, he walked to the door and closed it behind his back.

It was just a short distance from his dressing room to where Lisa was waiting for him, really. However, it felt like an endless walk. Michael also felt as if he wasn’t walking at all, but more like floating a few inches off the floor. Almost swimming in the air.

A strange sensation tickled his senses. Something he couldn’t decipher. Why was Lisa there, now? After everything. Now that nothing connected them any longer. They were not separated. They were divorced. And despite his mild defense of Lisa’s reaction while talking to Debbie, he was still miffed at the way she had treated him after the night they had spent together. What he had told her, what he had asked, made all the sense in the world and was more than justified. And she had not realized how much love was contained in his offer. How much hope.

Still walking, Michael realized that he was getting a bit worked up at the idea of seeing her again. Maybe she was there to tell him, face to face, that she didn’t want to have anything to do with him any longer. That she was done. Or maybe… well, maybe she had taken her time to think about what he had told her, and she had finally made up her mind. Maybe Lisa had finally come to her senses, stopped being foolish and selfish and was now ready to accept his offer. Truth be told, Michael still didn’t understand why she had been so upset, that morning.

He spotted her from afar and his pace slowed down. She looked so small and forsaken. At the same time, her stance communicated a decisiveness and a strength that he knew very well. But he would have to get closer to understand if it was just for show or genuine. His emotions shifted from annoyance and nervousness to joy and a bit of wooziness. Lisa was his personal vertigo, the perfect disequilibrium, lightheadedness that felt scary and exciting at the same time.

“Hey…” His voice was very soft, unable to hide the hint of surprise.

She spun on her heels and looked up at him, as if she were seeing him for the first time.

“Oh, hey… Hi, Michael.”

He stopped very close to her, biting his lip. He glanced around, noticing a couple of roadies disappearing toward the stage. He and Lisa were pretty much alone. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“So… what’s up…”

“I’m good. Sorry to bother you during your rehearsals… I know you’re very busy with your tour and… everything.” She blinked.

“No, it’s fine.” He gave her a soft smile. “I’m… you know, I’m happy to see you. You look…” Amazing. Gorgeous. “…Good. And tanned.”

Lisa laughed, but it sounded a bit forced.

“Yes, well… I was on vacation for a few days.”

“With Danny?” As soon as he said it, he regretted it. But as controlled as he usually was, his notorious self-discipline was sorely missing in action, from time to time, when Lisa was involved.

“With the kids.”

“I see…”

They stared at each other for a moment, and Lisa opened her mouth to say something. Her hand came up, toward his face, as if she were about to touch him.

“Michael… You know what? I think I’ll take your advice and ask Wayne to drive me home.”

Debbie’s voice broke the spell and Lisa blinked. Michael, too, felt as if he had been forcibly pulled out from a warm cocoon. Goddamn it. Turning his head, he noticed Debbie walking next to Wayne. They were both directed to the parking lot and her hand rested on her belly. No signal had ever been more explicit.

“Sure… Later, Deb.”

Lisa’s hand fell by her side. She lowered her head. She stayed quiet until she and Michael were alone again.

“I’m sorry. This is clearly not the best time. I should have called first. Only… I wasn’t sure you would pick up the phone. And I gotta tell you something important. I didn’t want to leave a message on your answering machine.”

“I would have picked up, Lisa. I hoped you’d call.”

He honestly didn’t know if that was the truth. His heart was wide open whenever she was around, but when she was not… well, in that case, keeping his guard up and detaching himself from her became way, way easier. Even too easy.

“Please, talk to me. What’s going on? Are you OK?” Scanning her face more carefully now, he noticed that she had lost a bit of weight since the last time he had seen her. And that, despite her tan, she looked pale.

“Yes, I’m fine.” She frowned, glancing down at her own hands. Then she took a deep breath and looked up at him. She stared right into his eyes. “I’m just… I’m pregnant, Michael.”