Contingent – Chapter 23 | Wake up

Chapter 23 | Wake up

awake (v.)

“cease to sleep, come out of sleep,” a merger of two Middle English verbs: 1. awaken, from Old English awæcnan (earlier onwæcnan; strong, past tense awoc, past participle awacen) “to awake, arise, originate,” from a “on” + wacan “to arise, become awake;” and 2. awakien, from Old English awacian (weak, past participle awacode) “to awaken, revive; arise; originate, spring from,” from a “on” + wacian “to be awake, remain awake, watch.” For the first element, see a (1); the second element in both is common Proto-Germanic, from PIE root *weg- “to be strong, be lively.”

Both originally were intransitive only; the transitive sense “arouse from sleep” generally being expressed by Middle English awecchen (from Old English aweccan) until later Middle English. In Modern English, the tendency has been to restrict the strong past tense and past participle (awoke, awoken) to the original intransitive sense and the weak inflection (awaked) to the transitive, but this never has been complete. For distinctions of usage, see wake (v.); also compare awaken.

At first, there was absolutely nothing. No sound, no color, no space, no time. Nothing but an achromatic void enveloping him with its sticky tentacles. However, the feeling was not unpleasant at all. He felt safe, secure and sheltered. He was also weightless, and felt no longer fatigued. His back had stopped hurting because he could not feel his body in the slightest. But at least there was no pain whatsoever. What Michael had been experiencing had not been the presence of something, but the sheer absence of everything.

Then something intruded. A feeling, a sensation. Something crawling into his subconscious mind, and he felt someone else’s presence. Not in his bubble, but just outside of it, pushing against the soft, sticky walls. So very close.

The dark tentacles wrapped themselves tighter around him and, for a little while, Michael was able to sink and float into the void once again.

It did not last long.

As he started going back to his own body and his senses came back to him, the eerie stillness broke.

Commotion.

Frantic words.

Someone touching him.

Someone yelling. Enraged. Scared.

Someone…

He knew that voice. It was Lisa’s.

How could she be there, with him? Wasn’t she supposed to be in Los Angeles, with the kids? And, more importantly, where was he? Michael didn’t remember. He had no idea where he was, what had happened and what he was doing. Or what he was supposed to do. What he did know, was that he wanted to keep floating. Keep resting. Sleep some more. Be left alone.

Then someone touched him again. He felt a set of hands grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him.

From the bottom of the pit, a voice resurfaced more clearly. Michael, Michael, Michael.

Wake up.

And he did.

Michael opened his eyes, and it took him a bit of an effort, but he made it. Squinting, he found himself face to face with Lisa. She looked pale, and her eyes were huge. Terrified.

What was she scared of? He was fine! As a matter of fact, he didn’t feel worn out nor hungover, quite the opposite: he was very much alert.

“Lisa?”

Her bottom lip quivered, then she swallowed hard and set her jaw.

“Are you OK?” Her voice sounded choked.

He scratched his head, as everything came back to him. The doctor. The anesthesiologist. They had put him to sleep. How long had he been out? No idea…

“Yeah… I’m good…”

He glanced around. He was still in his suite, in his bed. The clock said it was a little past eleven PM. The doctor and the anesthesiologist were retrieving their paraphernalia and it was clear, from their faces, that they had been subjected to Lisa’s wrath. Wayne too was there, standing guard on the threshold of his bedroom. Looking shaken beneath the professional facade and stiffy posture.

What the fuck was going on, here? Why all the ruckus? He was fine!

“What are you doing here?” He turned back to Lisa. “Why did you wake me up?”

“Why did I wake you up…” Barely a whisper. Lisa shook her head in disbelief and took a step back, pinching the bridge of her nose and then crossing her arms over her chest. Michael could tell she was trying so hard to keep her composure and it was probably a lost battle. She glared at him for a second, then glanced at the little medical team. “Are you guys done here?”

The doctor nodded his head, without uttering a word. He kept his eyes downcast.

“Good. Wayne, please, escort these gentlemen outside and make sure they make it back to their rooms. Thank you.”

Sitting up in bed, Michael felt a strange concoction of uneasiness, annoyance, happiness, and guilt. Quietly, he grabbed the bottle of Gatorade he kept on his nightstand and took a long sip. He didn’t say anything until everyone left the suite and he and Lisa were finally alone.

He fiddled with the bottle.

“Who made you the boss of me?”

Lisa didn’t answer. She walked over to the opposite side of the bedroom and sat at the writing desk. She looked tense like a violin cord. Once again, Michael was under the impression that she was doing her best not to react like he would have expected her to. However, he could feel her rage simmer beneath the calm facade. Also, she was hot. She looked so damn good in that black dress she had on, and she took his breath away. He was so happy to see her. He craved her touch, and just wanted to jump out of bed and hold her. But he also suspected that he had made a mess – although he had no idea how – and she wouldn’t be too inclined to cuddle, at the moment.

“Tell me something, Michael… Are you gonna allow those people to make our kids fatherless? Are you planning to turn me into a grieving widow even before I agree to marry you again? If I ever decide to put myself in that position one more time, mind you.”

“What are you talking about? Lisa, I was just sleeping.” He spoke in a calm tone, pronouncing each word very slowly. Because she didn’t seem to grasp that simple concept. Her mind was too clouded to see.

“No, you were not sleeping. You were anesthetized. You were put to sleep in your hotel room, with a potentially deadly drug that shouldn’t be used outside of a medical setting, and that does not allow any room for error.” She stared into space for a moment, and he noticed her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her hands were shaking. “Do you realize that?”

Michael swung his legs off the bed and stood up, stretching. He walked around the bed but didn’t step closer to her. Why did she have to be so overly dramatic? He felt fine. Well rested. Finally.

“Honey, I don’t think you understand. I needed to sleep, and I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried. I must rest. I am supposed to be at my best, I’m touring.”

“And you think that shit will make you at your best?”

“Well, that shit, as you call it, does help me to sleep, Lisa Marie.”

She looked at him as if he had gone crazy all of a sudden.

“Michael, maybe you need to realize that you were hooked to an IV. That’s not a sleep aid. That’s a strong anesthetic that’s used for fucking surgery!”

“In case you haven’t noticed, there was a doctor here. And an anesthesiologist. Everything was under control.”

Lisa shook her head and swallowed. He just could not see.

“What do you wanna be, Mike? A billionaire surrounded by yes men only? Out of touch with reality to the point that whatever it is that is surrounding you will end up eating you alive, one day? Is that what you wanna be?”

“You’re making a fuss over nothing. I am no longer surrounded by yes men, I got rid of them, remember? Those were physicians. They’re supposed to know what’s good for me.”

A shiver ran down Lisa’s spine as long forgotten memories crept underneath her skin.

“I am trying really hard not to slap the daylights out of you right now.” The words were hard but delivered with the most exhausted, dejected voice. No, he could not see. But she couldn’t blame him. She had seen, first-hand, what being surrounded by people unwilling to say no meant. She had witnessed the effects of it with her father. And she was sure, Michael had been told that sedation was fine. Safe. That he was not in any danger. Only, it was not true.

When she had entered the room and she had seen him there, in his bed, he had looked gone. She knew he was just unconscious, and yet the eeriest feeling had assaulted her with the force of a wrecker crushing a car. The two doctors had looked startled by her sudden intrusion. It was obvious that they knew what they were doing was not normal. At first, Lisa had tried to sound reasonable and had asked them to please explain what exactly was going on. Maybe it was nothing as it seemed. But no, it was precisely what it looked like.

And then… Then she had flipped out. She had just seen red and had lost it. Yelling, she had ordered the anesthesiologist to wake up Michael immediately, if he didn’t want her to call the police right away.

“You bring him back right now, you hear me? You bring him back right now!”

The two men seemed frozen in place. Angrily, feeling enraged beyond belief, scared to death and utterly powerless, Lisa had rummaged through her purse and had pulled out her cell phone.

“I swear to God, I’m gonna call the police and have your ass arrested! Wake him the fuck up! Now!” Then she had turned to the door. “Wayne!”

The bodyguard had appeared, looking shocked by her outburst. Or maybe because she looked like someone who had just seen a ghost. Well… he did too.

“Stay here. Don’t let anyone in, and don’t let them get out until we’re sure that Michael’s OK.”

“Lisa… You gotta understand. I know you don’t like this. I don’t like it either, and I wish I could do without. But I need to keep going. And I can’t do it, if I don’t get some sleep.” A bit hesitantly, he stepped closer to her, then crouched down, resting his hands on her knees. Lisa looked up at him and when her hand moved he flinched and cowered, just slightly. But she did not slap him. She stroked his cheek, then her fingers slid down to his shoulder, grasping his t-shirt.

“I know you need to rest. And I know you can’t.” She paused and licked her lips, shaking her head. “You know what my instinct is telling me, right now?”

“What?”

“That I should go back to my suite, wake up the kids and take a flight back to Los Angeles. Immediately. And cut all ties with you.”

Michael felt as if his lungs were going to collapse. He blinked, his grip on Lisa’s knees tightening.

“Because I can’t do this, Mike. Not again. Remember the condition you were in when we were dating? Before we got married? How that shit you had been taking was making you feel even worse, instead of helping you?” Her other hand came up, brushing his hair off his forehead. “You had all the reasons in the world for wanting to stop the pain. Just like now – you have all the reasons in the world for wanting to rest. You deserve it. But this is not the right way, baby… There must be another way. There has to be.”

She knew a thing or two about trying to bury the pain, or whatever else, under a pile of chemicals. She didn’t want that for him. She didn’t want to see Michael end up like her father. The mere thought killed her inside. It was pure emotional assassination. What would she do, with Michael gone? She would be able to survive, yes, albeit grappling with loneliness and misunderstanding. She had her kids to take care of, after all. But she knew that a huge chunk of who she was, an intense, profound part of what made her, her, would just go with him. It would become dormant. Comatose. Waiting for him to come back… in another lifetime, or in the afterlife.

“And I know what you’re thinking. That you know what you’re doing. I’m sure you think you do. But the point is, you cannot control this. It’s not in your hands. What if they make a mistake? If they get distracted? What if you need help and they’re not there to give it to you?” A shiver shook her and her eyes watered. Once again she lowered her head, dejectedly.

“You’re gonna fly back with the kids? For real?” His words sounded hoarse, strangled.

“No… No, I won’t. But please, please Michael. Please… Just… Stop. Don’t do this. Please.” Her voice broke and he grabbed her by the back of her head, pulling her into his arms. He felt her bury her face in the crook of his neck and closed his eyes.

“Shh… It’s OK… OK… We’ll find another way to deal with it… together. You and I. I promise.”

Her sob forced him to hold her even tighter. He rocked her, slowly, all the while inhaling the scent of her hair, getting reacquainted with the familiarity of her body, feeling his whole being melt into her.

“You know…” Lisa sniffled, and kept her face hidden in his neck. When she spoke, her warm breath acted like a balm to his rattled nerves. “Maybe… you know, maybe we could try watching this thing from another perspective…”

“Like?” He kissed her shoulder.

“I mean… I know you felt forced to resort to that shit because you need to sleep. So maybe… maybe you could stop dealing with a life that forces you to be sedated to rest… And rearrange your life in a way that allows you to rest without having to be sedated.”

He snorted, but did not pull back. Lisa’s hand cradled the back of his head.

“You make it sound so easy…”

“I’m not saying it is. But you come first, Mike. I know you always say that your art matters more than anything else, but without you, your art would not exist. And your family…” He felt her take a shaky breath. “…We would be destroyed. It would break our heart if anything happened to you. You gotta understand this.”

“Lisa… I have to finish this tour. For the fans, first of all… because they deserve it and I ain’t gonna let them down. But I’m shackled. I need the money, you know that. I gotta toe the line. I have to keep going.”

“I know.” She backed off just enough to frame his face with her hands. His eyes were glassy. “But what if you had a new business partner, ready to invest in you? What if you had another sponsor?”

He just shook his head. Of course. And yet she kept her grip on him. Strong, steady, secure.

“Let’s be a family for real. Stop this macho shit. I can help. I want to. Consider it… a long-term investment for our children. They need their dad. And your woman… she needs you too.”

“It’s not about some male pride, Lise…”

Only, it kind of was. And he knew it. Even when they were married, Lisa had sometimes tried to overstep her field of influence. More than once, she had tried to cross the invisible boundaries that he had quietly set, and that separated his personal life from his business. He hadn’t liked it one bit. Well… That was not entirely true. His feelings about the whole thing were complicated. He loved strong, assertive girls, and Lisa was one hell of a woman… And yet all she was, all she always had been, clashed with the idea of the quiet, static, patient women that somehow had permeated his mind through all his life. She was all he had ever wanted but also everything he feared. It was not easy to let go of those old mental mechanisms.

Out of impulse, he pulled her head close and kissed her, hoping he could convey all the convoluted love he felt for her in that lips on lips contact. When he felt her hands on his cheeks, his tongue sought entrance and she granted it. Exhilarated by finally catching a glimpse of an option, of a way out of madness, somewhere in the most secret part of his soul, and by having his woman there, he broke the kiss a moment later. He smiled in amazement.

“What are you doing here, by the way? You were supposed to reach me in Lausanne in a few days…”

“I know… Surprise.”

“Right… No shit.” One more kiss. “So… when you sexed me all up, earlier, were you calling from this hotel?”

She grinned, ever so slightly. “Yeah.”

“Sneaky! What about the kids… Are they all here?”

“All four of them. They’re downstairs, in my suite. They’re asleep, and the babysitters are there. I hoped you would just come over, but then the concierge told me that you were not feeling well, so… It was just so weird. You were OK over the phone. I wanted to check on you, see what was wrong. That’s why I was in your room.”

“Who let you in? Wayne?”

“Yeah… I know he was not supposed to do that without your permission, but… Please, don’t scold him. He too was worried…”

“No, it’s fine… He knows you don’t need any permission. You can come and go as you please…” He touched her hair, lovingly. “You’re my woman… The mother of my children…”

“That’s right.” It filled her heart with joy to hear him say that in such a natural, spontaneous manner. Because it was the truth.

“So… you’re gonna stay?”

“Yeah…”

“How long?”

“For as long as you want us to stay.”

He made a face. “So you’re telling me that you’ll stay until the end of the tour.”

“If that’s what you want…” Lisa shrugged her shoulders.

“Until October…”

“Yeah… I mean… Barring unforeseen circumstances…”

Michael chuckled. “Such as?” Then he leaned over and tried to kiss her again. Lisa’s hands on his chest stopped him mid-track.

“Unless you scare me to death one more time and I end up strangling you…” When he tried to kiss her neck, once again she pushed him back. “Stop it. I’m so fucking mad at you. You already got more than you deserve.”

Alright, she was back at being annoyed. The sheer terror she had felt seeing him in that bed had channeled all kinds of horrible sensations. For a moment, she had been able to put them aside, making sure he was alright, comforting him and telling him that he was not alone, that they could find a solution, together. But now she allowed herself to just feel what so far she had tried to control. Bottling up was not healthy.

As much as she missed him, wanted him, loved him, she didn’t want him anywhere near her right now.

“I thought you had a surprise planned for me…” Michael rose from his crouched position and stared down at her.

“Yeah, but it looks like you beat me to the punch. I was planning to sweep you off your feet, but you were already knocked out.”

He sighed, his hands resting on his hips. Still staring down at her, he bit the inside of his cheek.

“This is usually the point when you start going off on me. And yet there you are, all cool and shit. I guess things have changed for real.”

Was there a hint of disappointment in his voice? Lisa rose from the chair and grabbed her purse.

“Yeah… Possibly. I mean, I hope so. We used to fight in such a childish way, you and I. So maybe it’s for the best. Well… Alright… I guess I’ll see you when I see you, OK? I need to cool off a bit.” Frowning, not really seeking his eyes, she turned to him as she got ready to leave. “You good now, though, right?”

Michael hooked his thumbs in his pajama pants, behind his back.

“Yeah, I’m good…”

“Cool… Rest up. Or… whatever.” Shaking her head, she moved a step back.

“I think I’m gonna go freshen up…” His body stayed perfectly still, his eyes trying to decipher her.

“Yeah, you do that. Good night, Michael.”

He watched her as she slowly walked over to the living room, disappearing from his sight. His fingertips itching, he flinched and then went into the bathroom.

Sighing, he stared at his own reflection in the mirror for a moment. Then he opened the faucet and splashed some cold water on his face.

He didn’t see Lisa coming back, and the water running in the sink did not allow him to hear her either.

“You fucking dickhead! How could you do that?! To the kids… to me… to yourself! You’re such an asshole!”

Her words were very convincing. Although she wasn’t yelling, Michael could almost physically feel the barely restrained suffering and rage in her voice. Like a balloon ready to explode. On the other hand, the actual attack was absolutely vanilla. She did slap his shoulder and back, pulled at his shirt, forcing him to turn to her, but it was half-assed at best. He saw tears shimmering in the clear depth of her eyes. Through the commotion, he was surprised to notice how her irises looked almost grey.

“What the fuck?! Lisa!” He tried to grab her hands. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Me?! You crazy fuck!” Another slap on his arm and this time he managed to block her, his fingers closing around her wrists. “I about had a heart attack seeing you like that!  You ’bout killed me, you twatface!”

“Woman! Are you done? I told you what that was all about! Stop overreacting and calm the fuck down!”

Lisa scowled at him. “I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter comeback than what you just said! But keep going, you moron… You only gon’ make it worse!” She tried to jerk her arms out of his grip and he held her tighter, setting his jaw. Was it inappropriate that he was getting turned on like no tomorrow by all this? Well… he did like a bit of crazy in their relationship, and they had been so tame lately, so maybe…

“First of all stop wiggling, you lunatic!” Secretly, he kind of hoped she didn’t. He had admired her collected attitude, but somehow he missed the passion she put into… everything, really. Right then and there, her reaction communicated rage for sure. But also that she cared so much about him. And that was why she was livid.

“You don’t like it when someone ain’t acting the way you want them to, uh, do you, Michael? Do you! You love having people salivating all over you, walking behind you and reaching through your legs to support your balls!”

He made a face. “Why the fuck you gotta be so gross?”

“Because I can tell when you’re only trying to appease me and you’re fucking with me! And that’s exactly what you did earlier!”

Was she right? He was not sure. But he did think she had been a bit overly dramatic about the whole thing.

“I did not!”

“Yes, you did! So you know what, Michael? Fuck you! And fuck this shit!”

Once again, she tried to jerk back from his grasp. This time, not only he didn’t let her go, but pulled her close instead and captured her lips. He was worried, too. She was probably going to bite him, or try to hit him with her knee. But she didn’t. She reciprocated his hungry kiss right away instead, her breathing frantic and uneven.

Still holding her by the wrists, Michael maneuvered her across the bathroom until her back hit the wall, near the door. His mouth moved down, on her neck, and he kissed, bit down on her soft skin, and she whimpered. Her hands, still barely able to move, pressed against his chest, her thumb tracing the skin exposed by his V-neck t-shirt. He let go of her wrists and she immediately wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close, seeking his mouth again, gently biting his bottom lip, then sucking on his tongue.

Shit! His head started to spin. When was the last time they had gone at it so hot and dirty, completely out of control? He could barely remember. Well, he’d fix that in a minute.

Grunting, he pulled Lisa’s skirt up, his hands running over the toned, smooth flesh of her thighs, reaching her skimpy thong and ripping it off without even thinking. She gasped, then bit down on his neck, making him see stars. One hand still clasped his hair, while the other ran down between their bodies, grabbing his rock-hard cock through his pajama pants, squeezing him. Michael moaned, and quickly undid the buttons of her jacket, expecting to find something more than a bra underneath the dark fabric. Well, even better. She really had a surprise in store for him… and he had almost blown it. Almost. He was going to make things right with his woman immediately.

“You need this, don’t you…”

“Fuck, yeah…”

“Yeah… I know… I need it too… Hold on…”

Panting, he took off her jacket and unclasped her bra, then bent his head, capturing her breast with his mouth, biting down on her nipple, making her cry out and grab him even harder. She pulled at his t-shirt, almost ripping it off, and he quickly got rid of it, all the while glancing down, noticing the ridiculously high heels she had on. Grabbing her by the waist, still kissing her like a madman, he steered her toward the threshold, pushing her back against the doorframe unceremoniously. She looked stunned for a second, and their eyes met. They both seemed on a high. And they were. High on each other.

Michael swallowed as she gave his cock another squeeze, then he covered her small hand with his own, bigger one, interlacing his fingers with hers and pressing down. All the while, reading his mind correctly, Lisa hiked her leg up, brushing it against his side and planting her foot against the doorframe. As one hand finally reached into his pants, freeing him and stroking him with the eagerness and intensity he craved, the other clung to the back of his neck.

For a moment, his fingers reached down in between her legs, stroking her liquid warmth, making sure she was ready for what he had to give her. She blinked, then bit her lip and gasped. She was so hot. So wet. And she was all his.

“Baby girl… I’m gon’ make it all better… Let me make you feel good…”

His eyes still tethered to her, his breath labored, he removed her hand from his cock. Crouching down slightly he pushed up and into her, entering her in one single stroke. Lisa cried out, her head falling back and he immediately grabbed her ass, hoisting her up. She managed to keep one foot on the ground, granting both of them even more leverage. Her eyes widening for a moment, she felt her own body struggle to take him. It had simply been too long, and she guessed that first exhilarating contact did a number on him too, because when she was able to focus again, she saw him tremble and shiver against her body. Pulling his head close, she kissed him hard.

“Michael… Shit… damn…”

“Gosh… Lise. Goddammit. Oh, yeah… You feel so fucking…” He closed his eyes for a moment. “…right…”

In response, she squeezed her thighs a little bit tighter as he finally started to move, enhancing the friction for both of them. She felt delirious.

“Oh, fuck. Oh yeah… Just like that. Gimme that thing, baby. Come on… Give it to me.” Speaking was harder than she thought, but he heard her, and started to pound into her. It felt like a jump in the past, to a lifetime far, far away when they would throw all caution to the wind and just allow themselves to be the feisty, passionate lovers they wanted to be together. And feeling him like this once again, after everything that had happened, after the pregnancy, the birth of their babies, the resurrection of their relationship, and all the struggles they had to overcome, acted like some reaffirmation of sorts. Of him being alive and well, of him wanting her, of her wanting him.

Lisa had waited for this moment for so long. She had woken up at night, his taste still on her tongue, the memory of having him inside so vivid that it was almost painful to remember that he was not there with her. She had missed him with an intensity that at times had been hard to sustain and, judging from the way he jabbed into her without mercy, he had been waiting for this moment just as much. He was as starved as she was.

“Oh, baby… Shit… Come for me, Lise. I feel you… I know how close you are…” He winced. “You’re squeezing me to death…”

One hand reached her breast and grabbed it, and he bent his head once again, sucking and biting. An electric current shot through her, and she started to writhe and convulse around him, as he didn’t let up and kept pounding into her with his forceful thrusts. She wasn’t even able to decipher the words that left her mouth, but without a doubt she knew that her love for him was there, loud and clear.

As usual, Michael knew exactly how to treat her body. His strokes became progressively slower, tamer, and he captured her mouth again, kissing her with abandon.

“I love you…” His raspy words against her lips were everything she needed. Everything she wanted. She smiled, breathlessly.

“God, baby… I love you too… Shit… You make me come so fucking hard…”

He too smiled. Then he picked her up, still managing to stay fully encased into her sweet body. “That was just the beginning… Hold tight, girl…”

Lisa’s legs locked around his hips as she moved slowly against him, kissing him, wanting to taste him, loving to feel him inside, making him sigh and shiver. He carefully went down onto his knees, his hands on her ass as she grabbed his shoulders, her torso arching into him. He buried his face in her chest as he started moving again, granting her – and himself – the deep penetration they both needed.

She shuddered against him and her legs quaked. Leaning back slightly, Michael pushed up and into her with more force, exerting maximum control over himself, delaying his own pleasure, allowing her to scratch his shoulders and pull his head to her breasts as she came again, violently, almost going limp against his body.

It was too much. The capitulation was inevitable. Lisa felt him tense for a moment and looked at him with hooded eyes, the blue of her irises enhanced by her long eyelashes. She was stunning. Her hair wild, her face glowing.

She grabbed his head and forced him to look at her.

“I feel you, baby. You’re there. You feel so fucking good… Let it go… You have no idea what it does to me to feel you come inside of me.”

Kissing him again, she started moving against him, wanting to be the one giving him pleasure. Michael was a generous lover, always doing everything in his power to make sure she enjoyed every second of their intense lovemaking, but sometimes she loved to make him lose control. To be the one creating the kaleidoscope of colors and feelings he could lose himself into. Feeling him tense and twitch inside of her, she bit his neck and then spoke against his lips.

“Touch me… I wanna come with you… I’m so fucking close again.”

It was the truth. Just seeing him that way, on the edge of his pleasure, always did something to her. And when he touched her, it took her only a bunch of seconds to climax once again. This time, he was there with her, sobbing and cursing, fucking her hard, the way he knew she liked, and telling her how much he loved her.

Hours later, when they finally lay exhausted in bed, entangled and kissing, they found themselves in that peaceful, soft cloud that often followed their long lovemaking sessions. Much of the tension and frustration was finally dissipated, and as they watched the sun rise out of the window they both felt that moment had a new, unspoken quality. The sky was pink and the cityscape took their breath away.

The last time they had made love, it had been a seductive mixture of gruffness and tenderness. He had taken her from behind, on the bed, holding one arm behind her back, nudging her legs apart with his knees. His other hand was fisted in her hair as her torso rested against the mattress. Despite the position being extremely domineering, his motions had been slow, strong and purposeful. He had allowed her to feel every thrust, every inch, every moment of his desire for her. She had almost lost her mind, the pleasure too intense. His dirty words were the added fuel to an already uncontrollable wildfire. They had come together, and he had marked her his. Telling her once again, with his body, that they belonged together.

Now as it often happened he was spooning her, holding her close, his warm chest pressing against her back. She could feel every breath he took and she had never thought such a simple sensation could be so wonderful.

“I still haven’t told you… how stunning you look…” Michael’s voice was deep and gentle. He kissed her shoulder, again and again, and she grabbed his hand, bringing it up to her lips.

“I’ve been working out. I wanted to look good for you.”

“You look amazing… All over… You also feel amazing… taste amazing…”

Smiling she leaned her face in the palm of his hand. She had always felt so safe and protected in his touch.

“I’ve always loved you so much, Michael. Even when I didn’t show it… or know it. And… I’m sorry, you know, about the way I acted earlier. About lashing out that way… At you, I mean… although you can be such a reckless dick at times. Those two assholes in your room… they had it coming.”

“It’s OK. You were scared. I get that.” He smiled against her skin, then kissed her again. “I love you, baby. So much.”

Lisa held his hand against her chest.

“I know I can be very difficult… and a bitch. I am so sorry.”

“You’re not a bitch.”

“Yes I am, sometimes… And you know it.”

She heard Michael giggle and she smirked, pushing her backside against his crotch.

“Stop that. I need a break. I’m not that young anymore.”

“Aren’t you? You could have fooled me. You’re such a stud.”

“Yeah?” This time, it was his turn to push his hips against her, rendering her very much aware of how overwhelming his studness was. Cocky ass!

“Yeah… Anyway, baby, I want you to know… I believe in what we have. We’ve been working so hard to get where we wanted to be. I didn’t think I would ever feel like this again…”

“Like this, how?” His arm, wrapped around her torso, pulled her closer to him. As if he didn’t want an inch of his body to be disconnected from her.

“That we’re perfect together.”

Michael’s eyes narrowed. Then watered. Closing them, he buried his face in her hair for a moment.

“That means you want me to propose? I was thinking about doing it properly this time, you know…”

Lisa chuckled, then reached back, cradling his head, turning her face until she met his lips.

“Maybe in a little while. What about moving outside Cali, in the meantime?”

“I’m still thinking about that…”

One more kiss, and strangely enough, she seemed content despite him still stalling.

“OK…” She snuggled closer to him. “Mike…”

“Mh…”

“You think you can sleep now?”

“Yeah… I think so… You worked me over good…”

“OK… Close your eyes. Rest up. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Amsterdam Arena, June 10th, 1997

The lights went out suddenly, and Lisa found herself staring at the dark stage. The cheering from the crowd was almost deafening in its intensity, to the point that even when the instruments created a wall of sound, she could distinctly hear people yelling, whistling, applauding. Calling, calling their god. Michael.

Who was, ultimately, superhuman, divine every time he stepped on the stage. Whenever he moved, or sang, or smiled, or gestured to the crowd. Every single movement was pure magic and she too was mesmerized. It didn’t matter how many times she had seen him dance. That man over there, before an arena packed with people, was her Michael and yet he wasn’t. There was an otherworldly quality about him that was impossible not to notice.

He had just finished performing Stranger in Moscow and had disappeared below the stage, after hypnotizing everyone with movements that no other human being could ever replicate fully. He was an alien, in the most beautiful way. Lisa stared at the empty stage for a minute, then grinned, her eyes lowering. It was all so worth it. He was worth all the pain and struggles they had to overcome.

When she felt Michael’s unmistakable scent behind her back, she wasn’t even surprised. He smelled like Black Orchid and something manly that was just his, and the heat he emanated became a blanket in which Lisa wanted to sink into. She loved the show, but she could not wait for it to be over. Just to spend time with him and the kids.

His hands on her shoulders and Michael bent over, kissing her neck sweetly. His damp hair tickled her and she squirmed, laughing, then turned her head and met his smile. Blinding, warm, beautiful.

“Sorry. I’m all sweaty.”

“I know. You’re disgustingly sexy.” She pulled him close by the back of his head and they kissed. She loved him like this. “Don’t you have a costume change?”

“I do. And I gotta get going. But Lisa… I wanted to tell you…”

“What?” Another quick peck on the lips.

“I was thinking… Why don’t you start looking for a place? Outside California. Wherever you think it’s best… and then we talk about it. ‘Cause I want you to know, I trust your instinct. And I trust us together.”

She was not expecting that. Not in the slightest. She narrowed her eyes.

“For real?”

“For real. And then, not now but soon… Maybe we can talk about something else, too.”

“Like?” Gosh, he was not going to ask her to marry him one more time, was he? She really didn’t want to hurt his feelings by rebuffing him… for the third time.

“Like, I don’t know… Creating a little, independent label together? Investing our money in something new, after this tour is over? After all, we have the means to do whatever we want.”

“Yes, Mike. We do…” Her heart was racing and his dark eyes, smiling at her, melted her inside.

“Alright. I gotta go. See you later, babe.”

“Later…” She mouthed, as he disappeared backstage.

Lisa just stood there, smiling incredulously.

Magic. Everything was magical that night. A few steps away from her, thousands of lighters illuminated the darkness.