Arcana | 17 – The Tower

Arcanum 17 – The Tower

The Tower signifies the emergence of something that was imprisoned. This can be a residential move, a separation, a moment of great expression, the desire to leave for the country or for another country, or a secret revealed. Or even a lightning strike that causes a “catastrophe.”
It refers, as we have seen, to a dance of joyous separation; the figures are actually acrobats flying about in a theater. This can be giving birth to something that has long been gestating and takes dual shape here—the twin-ship of the animus and the animae, collaborating on a long-thought-outwork.
When it takes on a more painful meaning of abrupt separation or expulsion, The Tower can refer to an expropriation, a rupture, a difficult birth.
The principal message of The Tower could be: stop looking for God in the sky; let’s find him on Earth.

Michael had just let go of what he felt was somehow imprisoned inside of him, but the words had been spoken out loud almost like an afterthought. Almost as if he was talking to himself and nobody else was listening.

Only, it wasn’t like that at all.

Of course, he was well aware of what he had done. And he also knew there was some sort of duplicity in his declaration onstage. It had been the final, ultimate admission of the new course his life had been taking since the beginning of the year, at that carnival, but also his openness to admit that things had changed in front of the whole world. Metaphorically speaking.

By declaring what he had kept bottled up for so long, Michael had signed a new direction as a man – and hence as an artist. Implicitly, what he had said to the crowd had also been an answer to Frank’s offer. It was a no, without any ifs or buts. Michael would go back to California and end his tour and then focus on what he felt was vital right now. No residencies anywhere. He was not going to eradicate the tender flowers that had been growing in the garden of his private life – his woman, his baby, the life that he and Lisa had tried to hard to build for themselves despite all the bullets coming their way – because he had a potentially fulfilling business deal in a foreign country. Business was pretty much everything he had known for his entire existence, but now the blind man had caught a glimpse of the sun that shone outside the ivory tower he resided in. And he wanted to see it again. Feel the warmth of it on his skin. Absorb it. The proud ruler had finally been humbled by a force that was way stronger than he had ever imagined.

It hadn’t even been an act of retaliation like the Grammy night, really. When he and Lisa had just decided to be defiant. Even though, in the past week or so, the press had once again zeroed in on Lisa and her botched wedding. Making up shit about the Presley girl regretting having left Keough two steps away from the altar. Far from the truth, that was a given, but Michael and Lisa had just decided to ignore the headlines. Let the sheep say whatever they wanted and bleat in unison, who the hell cared.

However, living a lie was not what they deserved. The light of truth had to be free to shine down, it didn’t matter what anyone thought of it. Destroying the lie and shattering the omission became, for Michael, not an act of vanity but merely a solution. And the decision had come abruptly, spontaneously. If, in the past, he had loved living shrouded in mystery, this was no longer only about him and this was not a career move. His life as an individual deserved privacy, not a charade.

And so Michael had spoken, and he had done it in public. The artist that sometimes almost pushed the man into the shadow had opened his mouth and people had listened. The result? The sudden change he felt inside of himself had been some sort of release. What he had initially framed as a potentially monumental crisis had generated enough power to smash the walls that protected and imprisoned him, and now he was out of the metaphorical tower. And the best part was that Michael, the apotheosis of the one-man-show, felt as if he was no longer one. He had become many. He had become his woman and he had become his son – or daughter. Michael and Lisa still didn’t know the gender of their baby, after all.

But anyway, the moment he finally jumped off the stage, feeling as if he was finally almost done shedding skin, Michael was surprised to find out that Lisa was no longer there, waiting for him.

Frank tried to stop him as Michael walked over to his head of security. Oh, hell, no. Not now.

“Michael… I don’t think what you said is the right approach to-”

“I said what I said. I made up my mind. I ain’t staying here.” Michael gave Frank an apologetic smile. “Sorry. We’ll find something else to do.”

“Goddamn it…” Shaking his head, Dileo just let him go.

“Hey… Bill…” Michael glanced around, dabbing his sweaty face with a towel. “Where’s Lisa? Where did she go?”

Bill scratched the back of his neck and shrugged.

“Back to the hotel. I tried to tell her that I would go back with her, but she was having none of it… She told me you’d need me after the show.”

“I don’t.” Michael frowned, struggling to grasp the meaning of Bill’s words. Why had Lisa left? What had made her change her mind and not wait for him backstage, when she knew well that he was almost done? The shadow of suspicion crept into his mind all of a sudden. “Was she feeling sick again?”

Bill just stared at him with sympathetic eyes, and it occurred to Michael that his head of security knew – or had understood – something that was still murky to him.

“No, Mike… Lisa was fine. She just wanted to go.”

“Well, then I gotta go too. I need to talk to her.”

“You sure do…” Bill cocked his head to a side, still studying him. “What the hell was that?”

“What?”

“That public declaration of love… Or stance. Or whatever it was that you said out there…”

Michael sighed as he and Bill walked back to the dressing room.

“I was just…” He shook his head. “I was just speaking my mind.”

“Without really thinking about it? That’s so unlike you.” Bill opened the door for him and pointed at some fresh clothes on a chair. “Put that sweater on. You’re drenched.”

“Yes, dad.”

Bill laughed.

“Seriously. I get why you did it, though… It just was… unexpected. You always, always think everything to death, Michael. You’ve always been that way since you were little.”

“It’s different now. I still have to think things through, but not the way I used to do… You know, before.”

Michael took off his t-shirt and put on a clean one, then zipped up his hoodie. He watched Bill close the door behind his back.

“You mean, before Lisa?”

“Yeah…” He paused, staring into space for a moment. Then, once again, he just did what he felt was right. He spoke honestly, openly. “We’re having a baby, Bill. She’s pregnant. I’m gonna be a father soon.”

It just felt so fucking good to say it out loud.

Bill just stared at him, stunned. Michael could tell that he had not been expecting that at all. It had never been in Michael’s plans after all, and yet it was the most beautiful news ever.

Bill opened his mouth, then closed it, as if he didn’t know what to say. As if he couldn’t find the words. Yeah… Michael could relate. He had experienced the same feeling of utter surprise, only magnified to the umpteenth degree.

He smiled, softly.

“I’m gonna be a father. And I’m so happy about it. Over the moon, really. I didn’t think I was ready for this… But I am. I am more than ready.”

Without a word, Bill stepped closer and took Michael into his arms, holding him tight, almost squeezing him into his embrace. He patted his back and Michael felt the same happiness run through the man that, more than anyone else, he saw as the father he would have loved to have.

“Then go to your baby mama. Don’t make her wait.”

And so, Michael did. He was somehow able to leave the Tokyo Dome pretty much undetected, and the few people from his security detail driving him back to the hotel managed to zig-zag through a small crowd of fans that, only God knew how, had understood what exit Michael was going to choose to abandon the premises.

Michael counted the minutes that separated him from Lisa. If finally telling Bill the truth about the pregnancy had managed to make him feel better, even more unburdened, more than anything he now needed to know why Lisa had left without him. He wondered if she had heard what he had said on stage or if, at that point of the night, she was already back in her suite.

He also hoped that she had been honest when she had told Bill that she was fine. She had managed to go through the first trimester with only some minor discomforts, and she was now supposed to be out of the woods, but still… The apprehension about having a baby was not something that she or Michael could just put aside as if it didn’t exist. It was just there. They lived in a strange mixture of drunken joy and fear that something would spoil their perfect moment. That something terrible would happen to their baby. Or them.

Well, fuck that. He would not allow any of that shit, not anymore. Whatever was wrong with Lisa, Michael would find out immediately and take care of it.

When he finally opened the door to his suite, he spotted her right away, sitting on the couch in the living room and looking small and so very young. Also, confused. And more than anything else, pissed.

Michael’s eyes narrowed.

“Lisa…”

She just looked up at him, her expression unreadable all things considered.

“Hey…”

“What’s wrong? Why did you leave without me?” He stepped closer to her but still stayed at the other side of the room. Just in case. “Are you and the baby OK?”

“Yeah, we’re fine. What the hell was that, Michael?”

He squinted his eyes. It was the second time in the past hour or so that someone asked him the exact same question.

“What?”

It was rhetorical, really, but he couldn’t help it. Lisa’s mood looked like a bizarre concoction of irritation and concern and he just couldn’t figure out why.

“What you said onstage. My name and shit.”

“Your name and shit?” His eyebrows sprung up in genuine surprise.

Lisa blushed, likely realizing her unnecessary choice of words. Or her guard being up without any actual reason. She cleared her throat and shook her head.

“Yeah. I was totally not expecting that. Besides, it was not what we had planned. You and me, remember? Deciding stuff together and all that crap we keep telling ourselves.” She rose from the couch and walked over to the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing two bottles of water. He handed Michael one. “Drink. You are probably dehydrated.”

Great idea, bossy lady. Besides, sipping some water would give him the time to think about his next move. Because sure as fuck, Michael had just realized that Lisa was not wrong. He had thrown those words out there without even informing her first. Which had happened because…

“It wasn’t planned, Lisa. I didn’t even know I was gonna do that before… well, before doing it.”

“You don’t say. I had already figured out. And you know why? Because you always plan everything. Every single teeny tiny thing to the last fucking detail. But not this. It was kinda obvious.”

Eying her, Michael sipped his water and realized that he was, indeed, as thirsty as a man in the desert. Up to that point, he hadn’t even registered how exhausted – and yet wired – he felt. His body had a bit of an issue in realizing that it was time to rest.

“Is that why you’re pissed? Because I didn’t tell you first? Or because I didn’t know beforehand?”

From the look on her face, it was apparent that she had not been expecting that question. Lisa just stared at him, and Michael knew that she didn’t have an answer to that. It also looked like he had managed to calm her down a bit, instead of riling her up more. Which was good. They needed harmony. They needed peace. And he knew that they would get there eventually, even though it was pretty obvious that they still had a long road ahead of them.

Besides, he was in no mood to fight. Quite the opposite.

Michael put the bottle down and walked over to her, taking her hand.

“I am sorry. I just felt… I don’t know Lise, I was just tired to pretend that everything was the way it’s always been. When it’s not. It’s not, baby… Not anymore. Things have changed and I don’t wanna hide from it. I am so tired of hiding, dodging, cowering…”

“Is that it, Michael? Is that the only reason why you did it?” She looked up at him with those bright blue eyes and held his hand tighter. Morse signal: comfort. I’m here for you. Always.

He shook his head.

“I had a business deal on the table. Frank got in touch with some people and they offered a residency, here in Tokyo. For a couple of years. I didn’t have time to tell you, but…” He just shrugged. “…I just realized I couldn’t do it. Had it been me and me only, then maybe…”

“But see? That’s the point! I don’t wanna hold you back. I don’t wanna be a burden. I just-”

“No, hold up – you need to be quiet for a minute. You’re gonna let me have my say first, OK…” Michael took a deep breath. “It wasn’t about you. It’s about us. About what’s best for the three of us.”

Lisa’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“And you made up your mind for both of us? For the three of us? You decided what’s best for us all?”

“Staying here for two more years would have been the answer? Or you could have flown back to Cali. With the baby. Or maybe on your own. You think that would have been the best option?”

She tried to pull back and he didn’t let go. He was not going to allow her to step back from this. Whatever fear she had, it needed to be uncovered – and possibly dissipated once and for all.

“I am not leaving my baby. You can very well forget about it.”

“Of course you won’t leave our baby! And I won’t either!” He made sure to say it out loud. She wasn’t alone in this and would not be. That wasn’t her baby. It was theirs. It was the fruit of their love. “Don’t you get it? There are things that get thrown at me on a daily basis. Business deals. Partnerships. Contracts. Offers. Crap I gotta take care of. It’s always gonna be that way. I wish I could just have the perfect answer for everything, all the fucking time. And all the fucking time in the world. But I don’t. So you gotta trust me here, Lisa. If you love me, you gotta trust my judgment at times, even when you’re not involved… Either because you can’t, or because I don’t want you to. And you will have to accept that.”

“But, what if-”

“No. No, but. No more buts or what-ifs. Either we have faith in what we’re doing, in one another… Or you better start thinking, baby. You start thinking about how long we’re gonna hide what we are. And if we can really do that or want to. Is that what you really want? Because I really don’t give a shit anymore. I love you, so crazy much, even though you drive me fucking nuts at times, and I love our baby with everything I have. So ask yourself if you really are ready to go all the way with me, way beyond us fucking and telling each other fairytales in the safety of our room. We got a kid on its way, and he or she is gonna keep us shackled forever. And I welcome this. I welcome this with all my heart.” He set his jaw, his eyes serious. “So, now the only question left is… do you? Do you welcome this?”

God… He was just so sexy like this. Determined, focused, a bit bossy. He was all in and Lisa realized that she loved him like that. She loved him so much, even more so than she had ever done, which was quite a feat in itself.

Besides, Michael was right. His words onstage had stunned her, they had caught her completely off guard, and not in the best way. She had felt as if he was deciding everything for everyone, and she knew that she didn’t want another handler in her life. She didn’t need it. She needed to be able to stand on her own feet, for herself and for her baby.

But at the same time, there was just something so seductive in letting this man take the lead, in trusting him wholeheartedly. She was well aware that their mutual trust had been shattered before. She knew that they had both contributed to its downfall with their childish insecurities and doubts. She also understood that the very definition of insanity involved doing the same thing over and over again, all the while expecting a different result.

Was that their case? How could she know if she didn’t even try? If she guarded her heart non-stop, it didn’t matter how many times she allowed him to make her his? If she didn’t let herself have faith in him, in them as a unit, again?

The weight of his hands on her shoulders, her eyes holding her captive without forcing her in any way, allowed her to see what had been there for quite some time and she had, up until that point, refused to acknowledge. Michael had changed more than she had ever been willing to admit and certainly more than she had done. He had proved to her that he was serious about what they were building and that he was proud of what they had achieved so far. He had done it over and over again. His focus was slowly but surely shifting, and that he was starting to give to his personal life the same importance his career had always had for him. The change had come with the awareness that those two aspects of him could indeed coexist.

But what about her?

How many insecurities still held her down? What role did her fear of abandonment play, in her decision of always keeping her guard a little higher than Michael did, whenever they were together? Even though she would make love to him every single night with a passion that left her breathless. Even though she would tell him that she loved him every single day – meaning it. Even though his baby was growing inside of her.

Perhaps for the very first time since they had found each other again and gotten back together, Lisa realized not only how much Michael loved her, and that he genuinely did, but also that he was doing everything that was in his power to make their relationship work. And perhaps for the very first time, she was able to appreciate his effort to its full extent.

It felt like a veil being lifted from her eyes, slowly, yes, but in unstoppable motion. Something unavoidable and welcomed. And she also realized something else. Not only she was madly in love with him. She also was so proud of the man he was becoming… Or maybe that side of him had always been there, and it was just waiting for the right occasion to emerge.

How had she allowed outsiders to define him, to define them?

Her body, up until that point tense and ready to back off, relaxed a bit and Lisa stepped closer to him and into his personal space. She observed how his eyes followed her every move, trying to gauge her intentions. Knowing that he had seen her doubts and fears and that those same feelings would eventually reverberate on him if she didn’t learn to control them. If she wouldn’t stop allowing them to control her.

Her hand came up, touching his face. He was still so perfectly shaven. His skin was warm and she stroked it lovingly.

Michael’s eyes narrowed, as if he was waiting for her next move. Or for her answer.

Was she? Ready to go all the way with him? Way beyond their chemistry as lovers? Way beyond their child that would soon be born? She had to give Michael an answer and stalling would no longer do. Without her, they couldn’t exist in their togetherness. And sure as hell they wouldn’t be able to be focused and secure even when the outside world would try to take them down again. That would happen for sure, sooner or later.

A sudden emergency arose inside of her and Lisa reached up also with her free hand, framing Michael’s face now, cradling it.

What about you, girl? What about you.

She pulled his head down, kissing him, and she felt that he was taken aback by her sudden move. But as words and deeds started to take shape into her mind, she knew she needed to reassure him in the only way she knew. By letting him know that when she gave herself to him, it was never random. She was his. All of her.

Had she really dared to imagine her future with Michael? For the first time, Lisa honestly asked herself the dreaded question. And the answer was yes. She had been doubtful in the past, yes, and it had been so painful to realize it. But right now, there was nothing more she wanted than to spend the rest of her life with this man that managed to infuriate her and make her fall in love all over again, every single day.

And so she told him how she felt about him, about them, in the most natural way she could find. Without any words. At least for the time being. Just like Michael had done on that stage, Lisa too went with the flow.

Her kisses became more heated and, if at first Michael had been somehow reluctant, trying as best as he could to hold back so that they could keep the conversation going, he now started to melt into the kiss and stepped forward himself, his body adhering to Lisa’s fully. Thus was their dance. He wrapped his arms around her lithe body and pulled her close as his mouth started leaving a trail of fire from her lips to her neck. Her throat exposed to him, the soft moan she let out managed to whip him into a frenzy and all his nerve endings responded to her chant. He was Ulysses and she was his siren. There was nothing he could do to stop her and he didn’t want to – she knew. She felt it.

Her grasp on him became more decided and then her hands moved down, following the lines of his muscles – his shoulders and triceps, his sides, his narrow hips, his lower abdomen. Moving up again, gliding along his torso, they found the zipper of his hoodie and pulled it down, then slid under the white t-shirt he was wearing, finding his hot skin.

Michael tried a last, desperate defense. He broke the kiss, his breathing already affected.

“Lisa… Lisa… We need to talk about this, baby… We really do…”

Her eyes found him, and she stared at him through the haze of her desire – and her love for him.

“We are talking…”

He frowned, surprised.

“Are we?”

“Yeah…” She pulled his head down again, seeking his lips. “Yeah, we are… Come here… Keep talking to me…”

Closing his eyes, Michael let himself go, understanding what was left unsaid between them -at least for now. But also feeling the difference in her touch – even though heated, as usual, there was also something more this time. As if she was finally capitulating. The walls he had felt around her since they had found each other again were no longer there – it was uncanny. At first uncertain, he eventually directed her toward the couch and Lisa sat down.

Michael looked down at her, finding her eyes. They were open, vulnerable. And honest.

“You’re right,” Lisa said. He became transfixed by the perfection of her lips and made out the words she said next, more than hearing them. “I trust you. I trust us.”

His eyes closed for a moment as he sighed in relief, then opened again as he took off his sweatshirt, then his t-shirt, just standing there as Lisa pulled his pants down. His gaze roamed all over her perfect body and he observed her as she pushed down the black legging she was wearing. He watched the garment slid down her legs. When the tanned, naked skin of her beautiful thighs became visible, he had to swallow. And to notice that she wore one of his shirts – as she sometimes did – filled him with some sort of strange male pride. She was his. She has never belonged more to him than at that very moment, and for the first time it was not because they were expecting a baby. It was just because of the two of them and what they were for one another. The pieces of the puzzles started to get together beautifully in his mind and he smiled down at her, ever so slightly.

“Take that shirt off, baby girl… I wanna see your breasts…”

The corners of Lisa’s mouth lifted, imperceptibly, as her eyes seemed to become ever more hooded, even sexier than usual.

“Yes, sir…”

She held his gaze as she started unbuttoning her shirt slowly, allowing him to savor every second of the tantalizing torture. The white cotton. The tanned skin of her body. The darker tone of her nipples. The shadows dancing on the slope of her breasts, on the curves of her torso and she finally opened the garment fully. She was beyond beautiful.

And it hit him. Suddenly, like a rumble of thunder cracking the silence of the night open. Michael turned serious.

“You do, don’t you? You really wanna trust this.”

Her eyes scanned him, and they held a wiseness that maybe had not been there before. Her face, too, became resolute.

“Yes…”

Yes. With all her heart, yes.

“Then you gotta know…” Michael dropped onto his knees, his hand coming to rest on her legs, loving the contact – but also wanting to hold her there. “You gotta know that I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. And I never wanted to invest so much in a relationship before meeting you, having you love me, making you mine. That was true before our baby and is still true now. Even more so than ever.”

Taking a deep breath, Lisa touched his cheek and leaned him to kiss him. Silently signaling that she understood.

What he had told her was the truth. He had been smitten before. He had been jealous and bitter and disillusioned and disappointed and, at least on one occasion, he had been hurt to the point that he had thought his heart would just break. But it hadn’t happened. He had survived. His heart was fine and it was full of Lisa.

This was a different kind of love. A love he wanted to learn, a feeling he was ready for. Not puppy love, not a crush, but two souls intertwining, finally finding each other after feeling mutilated and inadequate for so long. She had to know that, she had to feel the quality of his confession.

And she had to feel the quality of his kisses.

As he finally took off her shirt, his lips moved down just as his hands cupped her breasts, lifting them toward his mouth, biting on them gently. It made her moan and she held onto him, one hand on his ass, pulling him into her, the other tangled in his hair. In his peripheral vision, Michael noticed her pelvis starting to sway slowly, her hips moving as in some sort of phantom dance, as if she was already savoring was would happen next. Almost touching him, but not quite yet.

Well, he could fix that.

Pushing her back against the soft cushions of the couch, he bent forward and spread her legs further, ripping off her skimpy lacy thong as his mouth kissed and bit the toned flesh of her thighs. Lisa gasped.

“I need you. So much. You have no idea what it does to me to see you onstage…”

Her voice sounded breathless and Michael smiled, kissing her, still. He placed his hands on the inside of her thighs as his fingers explored them and this time she moaned out loud, then pushed his head down.

Michael closed his eyes. Wanting to shut down everything that wasn’t her taste, scent, texture. She tasted like heaven. Every single inch of her was home.

His mouth closed on her and he was lost. His tongue inside of her and the feeling of her legs starting to tremble almost made him lose it. She was right. He had no idea what it did to her to see him onstage… But surely he knew the effect she had on him, whenever she was around him, close to him, or into his arms. Just like now.

And so it happened. He made her come with his mouth and his fingers and didn’t let up, not even when she screamed out, her whole body shivering and her torso arching. Not even when her hold on his shoulder almost became a painful grasp. He kept going and, within minutes, he made her come again as she pleaded him to keep going, to not stop.

“Please, please…”

Panting, Michael kissed up her pelvis, stopping at her belly, then up again. Her stomach, her beautiful breasts, her arms.

“Yeah… Yeah, I know…”

Reaching down blindly, he pushed his briefs down and freed himself while his free hand spread on the small of her back, pulling her close. When they touched, they both moaned. This was perfection.

“Let me have it…”

She had whispered the words into his ear as her arms circled his neck. He felt her lips on his neck, her teeth grazing the sensitive skin. Her tongue. It was more than enough.

His hands closed on her tiny waist. Michael pulled her closer, still. Then he entered her, loving to hear her gasp, tense, then relax. She purred. And melted.

And their dance started again.

He thought they would be going slow, but the intense arousal they both so obviously felt betrayed them and what had started as a languid lovemaking session became a passionate, furious coupling. He didn’t move inside of her at a quick speed, but his jabs and upward thrusts were solid, strong and well-delivered. Before he could even realize what the hell was going on and why, once again, this felt like the first time, Lisa climaxed with a violence that rendered him speechless.

He set his jaw, wanting to hold onto this sacred feeling a little longer. Hoping his body would not betray her, because loving her this way was more than he had ever thought he could experience.

He was sweating and the feeling of Lisa licking his skin, her tongue touching his chest, her teeth biting his shoulder as he kept sliding into her almost were his undoing. Closing his fist into her long hair, he pulled her head back a little gruffly – not enough to hurt her, of course, but certainly enough for her to seek his eyes.

His movements slowed down.

“Marry me…”

He was almost startled at how hoarse his voice sounded. Lisa blinked, her inner muscles contracted and Michael winced.

“Oh shit… Marry me, Lisa. Don’t just be my lover…”

Her lips parted in genuine surprise, then her hands were on his face and she started to kiss him madly, as he resumed moving and tried hard to keep the conversation going without interrupting the incredible blending of their bodies.

“…Don’t just be the mother of my child… Marry me… Be my queen…”

She kissed him all over his face, her hands still cradling his head, and her thighs came up and around his hips, making a delicious prisoner out of him. Her eyes were closed and the expression on her face was unreadable.

Wanting to make this right, and not allowing her to think it was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, Michael once again backed off.

They stared at each other, both breathless.

“Mike…”

“Wait. Don’t say anything just yet. Just know it’s there… that it’s on the table and it’s what I want. And answer when you’re ready.”

“I…”

He plundered her mouth with a breathtaking kiss, then pulled back one more time.

“When you’re one-hundred percent ready. I ain’t joking, girl.”

Lisa stared at him for a second. Then she reached down, her hand touching him where they were connected, stroking him. Michael swallowed but kept holding her gaze.

“Come here, baby,” she said. And they started to dissolve.

California, United States – December 29th, 1988

Leaning against the door frame, Lisa watched Michael interact with David. Or Dave, as the kid wanted to be called. They both looked happy enough to make her feel like smiling for the whole day.

On their way over to Dave’s house, Michael had told Lisa that he had met David several years earlier, in 1983, after the child’s horrific accident, when he was at the most vulnerable and scariest phase of his life. They had never stopped being in touch since, and Michael took great care in letting Dave know that their friendship was valuable to him. And that, eventually, the scared child would become a proud, strong man – way beyond the abuse that had left him disfigured.

And Lisa could tell that David treated Michael as if he was his father. It was beautiful to observe, and when they had first arrived at the child’s home she had almost felt out of place. She had felt a bit like an intruder about to step into a sacred place where only beautiful souls were allowed.

He had told Michael before they got off the car, half-jokingly, and he had turned to stare at her for a moment.

“Yeah? We’re cool then. Your soul is as beautiful as your eyes, Lise.”

How was she supposed to reply to that? He was such a sap! And she loved him like that. Kissing the tip of her nose, Michael had taken her hand.

“Let’s go. He knows you’re here too and he can’t wait to meet you.”

And so they had gone in together.

Michael had been right. David was ecstatic to know her and, with the ingenuity that was so typical of kids, scanned her from head to toe as they shook hands.

“Michael is lucky. You are so gorgeous!”

Lisa had laughed, blushing and noticing Michael giggle too, his eyes downcast.

Those little things, those little moments were part of what made everything worth it. Having him, loving him, choosing him.

She and Michael had not spoken about his marriage proposal since that night, weeks earlier, in Japan. He had been more than clear after they were done with their lovemaking – which, by the way, had been so intense that she had almost passed out. He was serious, he wanted to start building his future for real and his plans had changed. But he wanted to make sure that she too, knew exactly what they were doing.

That was why he had asked her to wait for a bit before giving him an answer. He thought the almost-wedding with Keough was more than enough to slow down a bit, and that his offer deserved the maximum consideration. Of course, he was right.

And so they had flown back to California, and for the time being, they had decided to stay either at Michael’s ranch or at their condo, in Westwood.

Lisa had decided not to mull over his words too much. She had preferred to just live what they had in the most natural way possible, day by day. Whenever Michael’s request popped up in her mind, she tried to skim over it just like she tried to ignore the buzz in the press.

Of course, it didn’t matter that Michael had made his grand declaration in Japan. The news had spread like wildfire in zero time and, the day after the show, pretty much everyone was talking about it. Michael Jackson nailing the Presley girl – again. Evading the scrutiny of the press for a bit – because yes, of course they had finally realized that, as well. Outlets wondering if everything was once again nothing but a publicity stunt to allow Michael to disentangle from the idiotic rumors about his sexuality – or lack thereof. It was a mess and, this time, the plan of avoiding what the paparazzi had to say was methodical. Lisa and Michael managed to do it, someway, somehow, never underestimating the power the outside pressure could hold, but also pacifying themselves about the whole matter. They would learn to deal with it as a couple. Through the years, Michael had come to understand what to do to handle the media, but it was different now because he was no longer alone in this. It was still a chess game, but only sorta-kinda. Too much was at stake to take this lightly.

Priscilla, strangely enough, kept herself in check. Maybe she was afraid Lisa would spill the beans about her pregnancy out of retaliation, perhaps she just hoped her daughter would “come to her senses” and leave that guy. Too odd. Too different from the Presleys. Too…

“Black. Maybe she has a problem with my race,” Michael had muttered at one point, during one of their first nights back in California. He had said the words while he sat on the bed, observing Lisa as she got ready to bed. After telling her that it didn’t matter what she wore, he would peel it off her in no time.

Lisa had stopped in her tracks and glanced up at him. His face was somber, bland, but she had seen the hurt, confused look in his eyes. She had no answer for him. Part of her feared that he could be right. And so, she had walked over to him, in between the V of his legs, and had held onto his as he circled her waist with his arms, the side of his face resting against her light baby bump. She had raked her fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head.

Now, as she watched him interact with little David, Lisa felt her eyes burn. It surprised her because she had not had many reasons to cry as of late. If not out of joy.

And now, as her gaze fixed on Michael, sitting on the floor playing scrabble with the kid, as her ears filled with laughter and genuine happiness, she understood. She felt it in her heart, what an amazing father Michael was going to be for their kid. And a sudden sense of peace dawned on her.

Gingerly, she walked over and sat down on the floor herself.

“Can I watch you guys play?”

Michael smiled at her and grabbed her hand, kissing the back of it.

“Sure, my general.”

David laughed.

“Hey, no way! I want her on my team!”

“You heard the man, Mike.” Lisa scooted closer to the kid, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Your turn, Dave.”

The boy’s blue eyes stared at her for a moment, then dropped on her belly. And Lisa knew that he knew.

David smiled.

“It’s growing.”

And it was, indeed.

Later that evening, she waited for Michael to finish his shower. Of course, he had noticed that she too was in the bathroom with him.

“You sure you don’t want to jump in?”

“Nope. I don’t trust you.”

He had giggled, and she had observed the outline of his beautiful body through the fogged glass.

“But I can watch you, daddy. Keep doing your thing.”

Michael had done just that, and Lisa had taken advantage of those precious quiet moments to muster all the courage she needed to do what she felt so true in her heart. He was right. It was time for both of them to shed their skin and get rid of everything that was more of a burden than anything else in their future.

That didn’t only mean people. It didn’t only mean keeping her mother at a safe distance, knowing well what her disappointment in Lisa’s choice had entailed. It also meant to get rid of some invisible strings. Of silence, of what was still unsaid.

When he opened the glass door, she almost jumped.

“What are you doing, sitting on the floor?” Michael squinted his eyes and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around his waist. He was such a heavenly vision like that. All naked, make-up free, his curls dripping wet, and those eyes that looked like unexplored planets.

Lisa smiled.

“I need to tell you something.”

His smile seemed to falter, and she saw the flash of concern in his eyes. She and Michael… they both had so many hang-ups.

“OK…”

He just stood there, waiting, and for a moment Lisa got lost following the route of some droplets of water, sliding from his shoulders down to his chest, muscular abdomen, waist.

She felt utterly calm.

“There are so many things I love about you. I can’t even count them anymore. But the last few weeks taught me something…”

“What?”

His voice was very low and slightly husky. Cautious.

“…That it’s how committed we are in the daily practice of our life together that truly makes a difference. Those are the things that matter the most to me. Watching you take a shower. Having breakfast with you in the morning. Waiting for you when you’re working. Or waiting for you to fall asleep before I close my eyes at night.”

His face seemed to soften, his shoulders relaxed.

“I didn’t fall in love with you because you’re the most famous man on the planet. And not even because you’re this fabulous artist, or because you buy me presents every chance you get…” She stared into space for a moment, smiling ever so slightly. “I fell in love with you because you gave me your scarf to make sure I wasn’t cold, up there on that Ferris wheel, that night… And because when I wake up in the morning, you always say ‘good morning’ to me before you really pay attention to anything else. And because when we watch a movie together, you always make sure I have a comforter close ‘cause you know I like to snuggle, and I’ll likely fall asleep on the couch. I can’t tell you exactly what day or what particular thing you did to me to make me fall in love with you the way you did… But it happened.” She shrugged. “Maybe it was just the accumulation of all those little things that make you who you are… I am not sure. I just know that one day I realized that I love you more than life.”

“Lisa…”

Her eyes fluttered closed. Then they opened again.

“And I never stopped since. I don’t think I will ever be able to. And that’s why… Yeah, that’s why I wanna marry you. So, Michael…” Lisa stood up, moving a couple of steps in his direction, reaching out and taking his hand. “…Yes, I wanna marry you. Be more than my lover, my best friend, the father of my baby… Be my king. Be my husband.”