Unraveling – Chapter 9

Chapter 9 – Tourniquet

Folly Beach, South Carolina – Hours later

He felt like floating. But it was not an unpleasant sensation, quite the opposite. He was almost swimming, even though he knew that there was no water. It was as if he was gliding through the clouds without any fear of falling to the ground.

Michael reveled in the feeling and kept his eyes closed, knowing that the sense of safety he had been experiencing derived from the certainty of not being alone. Lisa was there with him, close enough for him to touch. And certainly close enough for him to smell the unique perfume of her skin. It was something that belonged to her and her only, and that meant home to Michael. He didn’t even remember a time of his life when that scent hadn’t felt so familiar and comforting to him.

He knew very well that he was hovering between sleep and wakefulness, in some sort of delightful limbo, and he was fine with it. He felt warm and utterly serene like it hadn’t happened in quite some time. And maybe if he just reached out, he could do more than sense his wife’s presence next to him.

And so he did. Not being completely conscious and rational certainly was a huge help.

He distinctly felt his own hand slide on the cool, soft surface of the sheets and reach Lisa’s smooth, warm skin under the covers. He caressed her naked shoulder and, keeping his eyes still closed, he rolled onto his side, spooning her. Inhaling the scent of her hair and kissing the back of her head.

Lisa made a sound. It was soft and relaxed, just like her body. A second later, possibly in some sort of automatic reaction, she took his hand and held it against her breasts. Michael smiled, but still refused to open his eyes. If this was a dream, he wanted to keep dreaming.

The most rational part of him hadn’t really kicked in yet, but he vaguely remembered that he and his woman had not been sailing through smooth waters. That much was clear. He also recalled that they were not in their bedroom and not even in their home in Canada, but abroad for a long weekend. To reconnect. And maybe… Well, maybe this was a step in the right direction. His mind was still foggy, but his heart was wide awake and so was his body. His chest pressed against Lisa’s back and he perceived the warmth of her skin through the light fabric of the t-shirt that she was wearing.

Michael kissed her neck and she moaned softly. Her free hand reached back, entangling in his hair as she pulled his head closer. She was accepting his kiss and there was no way he would be able to stop now.

Meanwhile, her hips pushed back and against him, swaying slowly and in a seductive motion that did exactly zero to tame the storm of sensations he was experiencing. Or his morning erection, for that matter. From her shoulder down to her ribcage, he caressed her body, lower still, landing on the perfect lines and curves of her hip. A bit tentatively at first, and then with increasing boldness. His fingers traced her beautiful thigh and he felt himself strain in his pajama pants. It was almost as if he was discovering her for the first time.

Squinting, he brought himself to open his eyes. He wanted to keep going, but he needed Lisa to be aware and utterly present in the moment. Because as a couple, they were at times bleeding out and if this was supposed to be a tourniquet, it didn’t have to be random. It had to be purposeful.

His other hand touched her face, gently brushing a strand of hair off her forehead.

God… she was so beautiful. Like a dream come true. Even more gorgeous now than when he had first met her, kissed her, married her for the first time, so many years earlier. His heartbeat sped up and he hoped, hoped, hoped with all his heart that she would not stop him.

“Lise…”

Her eyes opened slowly and they were bright and hooded. She turned her head just enough to look at him. Michael could tell that she wasn’t completely awake either, but certainly she wasn’t asleep any longer.

He leaned up on his elbow.

“Lisa… Baby…”

She touched his face as if she was seeing him for the very first time. Just stroking his jawline with her fingertips. Then she brought his head down to her and they kissed.

It was magical. It was everything that he wanted and needed. And it was more than he expected.

Michael closed his eyes again and got lost in the kiss right away.

If the previous night Lisa hadn’t conceded anything, this morning she was giving him all that she had. Her tongue sweeping into his mouth, caressing him, felt electrifying and when he moaned against her lips, it was as if something switched in her behavior. She turned her body to him fully, lying on her side and facing him, one hand still in his hair, the other touching his chest, his stomach. Moving lower, finding him through the soft cotton fabric on his pants. Just the lightest, tentative caress.

Electric shock.

He grunted and frowned, still kissing her, afraid that he would drown if only he let go of her mouth. His fingers covered hers and he guided her movements. That small gesture had always been one of the biggest turn-ons for Lisa and this time wasn’t any different. She tightened her grip on him and started to rub him, then decided that touching him without any barrier was even better and her hand dipped into his pants.

Michael shared the same sentiment.

“Oh yeah… Shit… Fuck…”

He didn’t even know what he was saying. He felt confused and dazed. He just knew that he muttered the words against her lips and that she began to stroke him just the way she knew he liked. He knew that his pelvis rocked against her hand rhythmically just like it had done countless times before. He knew that he wanted to be inside of her with an urgency that almost made him feel like crying.

He touched her breasts and she whimpered, and this time it was his turn to pull her t-shirt up, having her lie on her back, almost coming to rest on top of her. Dominating her, but not too much, given that he still didn’t know how far he could push it. However, when his mouth closed on her nipple she arched her back, offering herself to him more. One hand still on his cock, gripping him tight, the other entangled in his hair, holding him to her.

Michael removed her t-shirt quickly and then did the same with his own, almost in a hurry. Needing the skin on skin contact. Panting, still staring at him, her eyes hazed over, Lisa searched his mouth once again and they kissed with a passion that hadn’t been there in a very long time. It was his turn to cross the boundaries of her skimpy underwear. When he discovered how wet and hot she was, he broke the kiss and glanced at her just as his fingers started to caress her. He needed to see her face, he had to gauge her emotional reaction to this. Not only the physical one.

Lisa tried very hard to keep her eyes open, but the more he touched her, the more difficult it became. Moaning out loud, she parted her legs for him and her head fell back against the pillow. Her body welcomed him.

This was it. Something snapped in Michael’s mind.

Kneeling up in between her legs, he stared down at her, his other hand resting on her knee. She too rose on her elbow, her hand never letting go of him but freeing him instead. He noticed that she was staring at his erection, seemingly fascinated with the effect she still had on him. He knew exactly the feeling, and yet it made him wonder. How could she ever think otherwise? He was hooked. He had always been hooked, since the very first time they had made love.

“Baby girl… I want you so much it hurts… Please, please…”

He was not a man who liked to beg, but this was an unusual situation. Much different from what he had ever experienced in his life – or with Lisa – up until this point. This felt like walking on a very thin rope, no net, just an abyss below. The risk of falling so high, yet the possible reward too thrilling to give up.

Lisa blinked, glancing up at him. She finally loosened her grip on his penis and, without breaking eye contact, she slowly pushed her own underwear down her legs. Noticing how her hands were shaking, Michael swallowed hard. Almost automatically, he reached for himself and Lisa’s eyes seemed to become even darker. He knew that she loved it when he did that and besides – he couldn’t help it. He had to do something, anything.

The tension was so high that he could almost cut it with a blade. His heart was up in his throat and he knew, he felt it, that what they were about to do was all that they needed. Or a significant part of what they needed, anyway. Reconnection. The marvelous first step to go back to one another that he had been craving for so long, even before their crisis really exploded. He wanted nothing more than sink into her, take her with all the pent-up passion he had accumulated in months. He wanted to make love to her until they both passed out and with every kiss, every touch, every thrust, he wanted to remind her – make her feel – how much he loved her. He wanted to feel free again, unburdened.

He just wished she could… say something. Anything. But he knew that was not going to happen now. Well… maybe actions would speak louder than words for once.

Eager to help her out, he discarded her panties and came to rest on top of her, framing her face with both hands, kissing her slowly and deeply, loving the feeling of her hands rediscovering his skin, tracing the muscles of his back, pushing his pajama pants further down, so that her palms could come to rest on his ass. So that she could hold onto him and pull him against her heat. Her fingernails digging into him thrilled him.

Michael glided against her heat, not entering her yet, just enjoying the moment, caressing her with his steel, loving how she gasped and trembled in return. He wanted this to last and realized that he would have to keep iron control over himself if he wanted to accomplish the feat. Because jerking off in the shower while thinking about her was one thing, but having her this way again, after so long, was something else entirely.

Lisa reached down, touched him again, fondled him gently but with determination. He knew what she wanted when she positioned him right where he needed to be.

Just a little motion. Just a little movement and she would be his again. They stared at each other with wonder – and possibly a bit of concern. Where would they go from here?

Michael’s phone ringing suddenly almost felt like a rock crashing on a crystal dome. Totally unexpected, unpredictable and destructive. He felt Lisa tensing and realized that the spell was about to be broken. In a last, desperate attempt to keep the moment going he kissed her again, hurriedly.

“Ignore it… Let it go…”

All while knowing that she would not be able to.

“No… We can’t… Maybe it’s the kids… Mike…” She spoke while framing his face and in between kisses and little sighs. Her struggle was also apparent. “You gotta…”

“Yeah… Okay…”

Rising up on his elbow, he grabbed the phone from the nightstand. However, his lower body stayed right where he wanted it to be – between Lisa’s legs. His fingertips traced the side of her face as he finally answered the call. Still completely distracted.

“Hello?”

“Michael?”

Michael frowned.

“Who’s this?”

“It’s… Hey, It’s Christine.”

He froze, stunned. And he also knew that Lisa could hear the conversation just fine. Her body seemed to go rigid, and yet she stayed perfectly still. Still holding him in between her thighs. At that very moment, he wished that the earth would open under his feet and swallow him whole. Such was the shame he felt. Such was the surprise, like a deer caught in the headlights.

His mind became a blur and irritation seemed to wrap itself around all his neuronal cells.

“How did you get this number? I never gave it to you. Besides, I think we said all there was to say the last time we spoke.”

He knew that he sounded cold and slightly bitchy, and that it was usually not in him, but really, what did that woman expect? Elation? Happiness? Why was she calling him on his private phone, when he knew damn well that he had only given her his company number? He never used his personal phone for work. He had learned that lesson since his life had changed.

“A common acquaintance gave me your private number. Look, I just needed to talk to you, okay… I know you think you said everything I needed to hear, but that doesn’t sit well with me.”

Well, too fucking bad! He had nothing to say and this was also the most inappropriate moment ever!

Slowly, Lisa’s hands slid from the small of his back to his chest. Her touch was still slow and gentle, however she pushed him back and off her, faintly but with determination. Glancing down at her, Michael saw the pain beneath the collected look in her eyes. He just shook his head and she averted her gaze, turning her face, no longer allowing him to see her eyes. Raking her fingers through her hair and exhaling a long breath.

“Well, I understand that and I’m sorry you feel that way. But like I said, what happened that day was a major mistake and anyway, I don’t appreciate being blindsided.”

He set his jaw and sat back on his calves, all the while still observing Lisa. She kept her face turned away from him and bit her lip. She had also covered her naked body with the sheets, as if she felt the need to protect herself. From what? Him? Christine? The pain?

Fucking hell! Fuck this shit for real!

Angrily, he did something completely unplanned: he put the call on speakerphone. He wanted Lisa to hear what this was all about. He wanted the whole thing to be out in the open in the most blatant manner ever. He knew that it would hurt her, but at this point it had to be done. This was the only way he could think about to finally get rid of the stench of infection. The wound needed to be flushed, otherwise it would never heal. Otherwise, he and Lisa would go nowhere.

“Well, I did try to call you more than once in the past month, but you would never take my calls and certainly you never were polite enough to call me back.”

The dig didn’t sting one bit. Michael genuinely did not care.

“And there’s a reason for that. What happened… It was so utterly wrong. And I take responsibility for it. It was my fault and I should have never done it.”

“But you did do it, Michael. You did. You can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”

He closed his eyes for a moment when Lisa rolled over, coming to lie on her side. Her back turned to him, all the while still clutching the sheet. She had heard.

“Yeah… It did happen. I’m not denying it. And of course I’m not pretending I am lily-white in this. But what I said – it was the truth. I was an asshole. And I love my wife. She didn’t deserve that. She doesn’t.”

It really was not in his personality to engage in such face-offs. He usually preferred to retract and plan his next move. He also knew that he could be passive-aggressive whenever he felt cornered. And venomous if necessary. But these were different circumstances and standard strategies would just not do. He knew that he had to go on a full-frontal attack and hated every second of it.

“Yeah, you said that already.”

Christine’s tone had become curt, dry. Good – maybe the message would hit home this time. In all honesty, Michael felt a bit guilty about her, too. She had found herself entangled in something that had nothing to do with her and everything to do with him. But still, even though not every single detail of the short time he and Christine had spent together was clear in his memory, he knew for a fact that he had told her that what they had done was a huge no-no.

“Well, then…”

“Wait – I just thought… You know, I thought I could give you some time to think things through… That’s all.”

“I don’t need time. There’s nothing to think about, Christine. Please…” He put the phone back to his ear. “…Just, don’t call me anymore. Leave us alone.”

He hung up the phone and his head dropped forward. He sighed. All the while, Lisa got up from the bed and left the room, closing the bathroom door behind her back. After a handful of seconds, Michael heard her cry softly.

His heart broke, and yet a part of him felt slightly elated. She still cared, at least to some extent.

He allowed her to enjoy about ten minutes of complete solitude before mustering the courage to follow her into the bathroom. Unsurprisingly, she was taking a shower – which meant that playtime was over. But after all, what did he expect? That his wife would still be in the mood for sex after listening to her husband talk to another woman? To that other woman that he had kissed?

It didn’t matter how dry and curt Michael had been in rebuffing Christine – hopefully for good. The whole thing had been hurtful to Lisa and embarrassing to him, and that was a factor that he could not put aside.

As he stood there by the sink, still lost in his own thoughts, Lisa turned in the shower and watched him through the clouded glass. Her skin sparkling under the water and strands of wet hair plastered to her forehead, she looked young and beyond beautiful – and also kind of upset. The latter was still very much hidden behind a curtain of silence.

Uncomfortably, Michael looked down at himself, not really knowing what to do or what to say, half-naked and still a bit aroused like that. Sadly, he didn’t have complete control over the reactions of his body. And so he just stayed there for another moment, feeling a bit lost, until she opened the glass door just a tiny bit. Until she gave him a reprieve.

“Wanna join me?”

Really?

And yet, once upon a time those words would have been pronounced in such a seductive tone that he wouldn’t have thought twice about what to do.

But not today. Lisa’s voice sounded somber and he knew that her invitation had nothing to do with sexual gratification – or seduction. It was more likely her attempt to wash away some of the filth by offering him a small olive branch. And so he took it. What else could he do?

He pushed his pajama pants down and stepped over them, entering the shower stall and finding himself face to face with this naked goddess that maybe would never look at him the way she had done in the past. Perhaps ever again.

“Thanks…”

Lisa scoffed.

“What are you thanking me for… There’s room enough for both of us, in here…”

He made a face. This polite exchange between two people, naked in the same confined space, would have been hilarious if only things hadn’t been so tragic. But hey… whatever had the potential to help, he would take.

She turned her back to him, just standing under the water jet and he felt comfortable enough to let his eyes roam all over her body. The perfect lines of her back, the slope of her bottom, the beautiful V in between her legs. He swallowed, knowing well that he was getting sprung again just by standing so close to her and hoping that she would not misread his intentions. He knew that the magic bubble had popped.

However, he stepped closer and kissed her shoulder ever so slightly, sighing in relief when he saw goosebumps appearing on her skin. Feeling a bit braver, he reached around, taking the soft, colorful sponge from the little glass shelf. He poured some vanilla-scented shower gel on it and then started to lather Lisa’s back. Her head dropped forward and she rested both hands against the tiled wall, without uttering a word. Only months ago, that stance alone would have been a clear sexual invitation and an irresistible temptation. But again – not today.

Michael swallowed hard one more time. Right now, he realized that he didn’t know how to interpret her actions. He had always loved how there were parts of Lisa that could be mysterious and inscrutable, even to him, but in this case that side of her personality – unpredictable and whimsical – was not benefiting him in the slightest. Maybe it would, in the long run, but they were not there yet. He had to take what he got, and this was more than he had been expecting anyway.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah… It is.”

“Good… I hope you can relax a little…”

“I’m trying, Michael… I really am.”

Once, she would have told him that the touch of his hands was magical… That she was going to melt in his arms. And then she would have asked him to take her, to make love to her. Now she just sounded tired.

He just kept caressing her skin with the sponge. Her shoulders, her arms, her sides, the back of her thighs. A bit cautiously, he reached around and began lathering the front of her body. Her stomach, her legs, up again toward her breasts. He carefully avoided those tempting little mounds and moved up to her collarbone, around again to the back of her neck, to her nape. Stepping closer, he kissed her neck – unable to avoid it. He needed that contact and was relieved when she seemed to loosen up even more under his touch. Turning her face slowly, she kissed him. On the cheek.

Fine…

“Here… We don’t need this anymore.”

She removed the sponge from his hand and snuggled back against him, crossing his arms over her chest, kissing his forearms gently. Okay… This was much, much better…

Michael closed his eyes and just stood there, now hugging her from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder. The water curtain created some sort of protective shield and, strangely enough, he felt as if they were safe in there. Way safer than in the outside world. He wondered if physical contact was reassuring for Lisa just as much as it was for him. He hoped that it was, and realized that he would do everything in his power to make his woman feel like that again. Reassured. He only had to play his cards carefully.

“Mike…”

Her voice was not something he expected to hear again anytime soon. She sounded calm and, once again, tired beyond belief. He exerted maximum control over himself to sound just as collected, not to freak her out. Just to handle this in the most mature and responsible way possible.

“Yes, baby girl.”

“Do you remember what happened last night?”

His eyebrows sprung up. Well, that was an interesting question that he had not thought about in the slightest. In fact, he had not wondered about the previous night at all. What had happened, what had been said… and what hadn’t been. Squinting his eyes, he tried to remember.

After that glass of wine in the kitchen, he and Lisa had in fact ended up having dinner and, eventually, they had managed to relax and enjoy their first quality time in months – more than they probably would have fathomed. They hadn’t eaten much but certainly they had drunk quite a bit. That whole champagne bottle, and then another one that they had found in the wine rack.

When they had stumbled to the bedroom, they were a little less than drunk but certainly a little more than tipsy. And their protective shells had become thinner, weaker enough to allow more open communication.

They had stopped at the door, noticing the beautiful setting. The flowers, the dim light, the rose petals on the bed, and the letter on the comforter. Feeling the need to go grab his glasses but not having the physical strength to go back downstairs, Michael had narrowed his eyes as he sat down at the foot of the bed.

“Lisa… Come sit with me. Look at this.”

Raking her fingers through her hair, Lisa had at first ignored him. Instead, she had walked across the room and to the drawer, staring at the composition of sunflowers that someone had placed there. She had touched the yellow petals.

“Mike… Your happy flowers…” She had sighed. “Remember when…”

“…You would make sure they were in every hotel room I was supposed to stay?” Michael had felt uncried tears burn in his eyes. “Yeah… Of course I remember.”

“I do too.”

He had bitten his lip, holding out the note for her.

“Please, come here. I wanna take a look at this thing with you.”

He needed a distraction, and quickly.

Thankfully, this time Lisa had complied and had taken the little piece of paper, touching Michael’s hand in the process. The contact was tender, and yet he was pervaded by an electric shock. So many contrasting feelings. Too much to process. Would their relationship be relegated to light hand-touching and perpetual sexual tension from now on?

Sitting down next to him, she had scanned the words on the page quietly. The note had obviously been written by doctor Plumb, and it contained instructions and indications about Michael and Lisa’s stay in the house. Things they had to do, stuff they had to talk about.

They had stared at each other as he retrieved the paper from her hand.

“Looks like the only thing we had to do tonight was to have dinner together…” Michael had murmured.

Lisa had tilted her head.

“Not really… It says we’re also supposed to sleep together…” She had blushed. “…I mean, sleep in the same bed.”

He had averted his gaze, nodding his head.

“Yeah, uhm…” Clearing his throat, he had pointed at the note. “You’re right. It’s right here. See? We’re required to sleep in the same bed every night and… try to let nature run its course, if we are so inclined. Act naturally. Whatever that means.”

“Let nature run its course?” Lisa had snorted, a bit uncomfortably. “That’s not what it says… it says… Wait, give it back to me. You left your glasses downstairs anyway.”

She had taken the note from Michael’s hands and had read out loud.

“…Uhm… It is fairly possible that you two haven’t shared the same bed since our last therapy session, which would be absolutely normal given what was disclosed. Nonetheless, for the entire duration of this stay, you are required to sleep together every night – as in share the same intimate space, as long as it doesn’t become too uncomfortable. Don’t force yourselves in any way, but also try to put aside your defense mechanisms. I would also suggest you allow yourselves to get comfortable with one another as best as you can. Imagine this long weekend to be a positive parenthesis and try to not let what happened up until this point burden you, if you can. That means that, if you feel the mutual desire to find more physical and emotional intimacy, you should focus on that and remember that it is very much part of your healing process.”

She had looked up at him.

“…That’s what it says. Verbatim.”

“Yeah. That’s what it says.”

Michael had stared at her intensely for what he had felt was the longest time. The words were there, just a breath away, but he couldn’t bring himself to say them out loud. That he loved her – so much. And missed her with every fiber of his being. And that he hoped that she would follow doctor Plumb’s advice, because he sure as hell would, if only she gave him a chance.

Lisa had broken the spell first. Metaphorically backing off again.

“And then… There are instructions. Shit we gotta do.”

Shit they had to do? Michael had smirked. He loved her potty mouth. He rarely admitted it, but it had always been a huge turn-on for him. That perfect mixture between seductive sultriness and verbal defiance.

“Yeah? Come on, then… I’m all ears.” He had gestured for her to keep reading and Lisa had done just that.

Apparently, they had specific tasks to accomplish. Several therapeutic steps ranging from merely sleeping in the same bed to learning to listen to one another. Doctor Plumb called those tasks “the icebreakers”, because they were meant to recreate that thin red thread that kept Lisa and Michael connected. A thread that, if not broken, was at the very least frayed.

“These are just small sub-steps, obviously, but they are necessary to get a little more connected to each other, and become progressively ready to experience new things together…”

Lisa had read out loud the rest of the note while Michael’s attention slowly drifted away. He had found himself staring at her again, almost mesmerized, just hearing the words without really listening. He was enchanted. And he had realized that it had been so long since they had done something like that. Just reading something to each other, in their bedroom, late at night. Just enjoying their mutual presence.

“Lisa…”

He had interrupted her mid-sentence and she had looked up at him.

“…What?”

“Let’s go to bed. I can see you’re tired…” Slowly, he had removed his jacket and had started unbuttoning his shirt. He had noticed that Lisa’s eyes followed his every move. Which was a great thing. “And frankly, I am drained. We both need to rest. We’ll think about this whole thing tomorrow.”

Biting the inside of her cheek, Lisa had eventually nodded her head.

“Yeah… I think you’re right. We should get some sleep.”

She had put the note back on the bed, then she had stood up, moving over to the plush armchair in the corner of the bedroom. She had unzipped the dress that she was wearing and had let it pool at her feet. Michael’s mouth had become parched, just by seeing her in her lingerie and nothing else. She had let her hair down and it was long, wavy, a little lighter than usual. He longed to fist his hand in those sinewy strands.

Man… How had he even been capable of thinking about kissing another woman? When he had Lisa at home. When Lisa was his home. Lisa who loved him. Lisa who had married him again, and had given him their beautiful baby.

Lisa, who drifted away from you just as much as you have been drifting away from her. Don’t deny it, man. It’d be pointless.

No, Michael couldn’t deny the obvious. But he also knew how it had happened. He knew hers was a survival mechanism and likely the only way she thought she could keep him, when in fact he had never been intentioned to leave. He had always been hers. But the whys? Those were still obscure. There was nothing but superficial reasoning in the excuses that he had found to justify his behavior – and hers.

The longing had become intolerable. Walking over to her slowly, all the while unbuttoning and taking off his shirt, he had taken her hand and she had turned to look at him. She looked slightly concerned.

“Let’s go to bed…”

They had locked gaze and, slowly, she had started to undo his belt. She had unzipped his pants, then had lifted his t-shirt over his head. Michael had allowed her to undress him, then had caressed her arms, kissed her hands, the sensitive skin of her wrists. All the while, he had kept looking at her. Truly looking at her for the first time in a very long time. The touch of her fingers on his naked skin had unleashed storms of butterflies in his stomach and provoked a sudden tightness in his pants, but he had ignored his rebellious lower body. He had just kept focusing on her. Always, always on her.

The rest of the night was a blur in Michael’s mind. He knew that the tipsiness rendered some details clouded. But he certainly remembered that he and Lisa had lied down on their sides, facing each other, just being close. And that they had caressed each other and cuddled until they had both fallen asleep for a couple of hours.

This explained why they were still so tired and why the morning after had found them almost making love. It had been the natural prosecution of their first steps toward an actual reconnection.

They had been so close. If only the damn phone hadn’t interrupted them!

Tying all the threads together provoked irritation and Michael found himself clenching his teeth.

“Michael? Do you remember what happened last night?”

Lisa repeated the question and her voice alone was able to drag him out of his own mind. He kept holding her in his arms.

“Yeah… I think I do.” He kissed her shoulder. “I’m so sorry she called.”

“Well… You couldn’t know.”

“No, I couldn’t. But still. She should have left it alone.”

Inhaling a shaky breath, she pulled out of his embrace.

“She should have left many things alone…”

And I should have done the same, he thought, but didn’t say anything. Not even when she stepped out of the shower, leaving him there, lonely and cold all of a sudden.

This time, Lisa didn’t think that Michael would end up following her. Constant chasing just wasn’t in him and he had already done it once, anyway. Earlier, when she had sought refuge in the bathroom, in the shower. Not even then she had thought that he would appear anytime soon – since he likely was way too embarrassed by that phone call to make a move. Embarrassed and enraged.

And yet Michael had surprised her. What was she supposed to do? She had asked him to join her. The push and the pull that she had been feeling since the big revelation were hard to dissect. There was a tiny part of her, the most ancient and instinctive one, that really wanted to leave him. Divorce him, maybe, or possibly just being away from him for a while. That was a part that Lisa knew very well – the jealous, possessive one. The part that could not tolerate betrayal, physical or otherwise. A part that, however, belonged very much to the past.

It was ironic that Michael had never really sought other women back then. When they were together, they truly were together and nobody else mattered. Nobody else existed. And when they weren’t together, whoever had been in their beds hardly was of any significance.

Right now, Lisa could not confess why hearing him admit that he had almost cheated on her – well, technically he had – had not been such a truth bomb for her. She already knew that he had done something with someone else. She had just needed to hear him say out loud. But telling him why she had not left, why she had stayed with him afterward, was a completely different animal. A gnawing, dangerous animal with long teeth that she had decided to keep locked in a cage. Knowing well that it would break free at one point, regardless of her commitment to holding it captive.

Despite her tolerance being higher than ever, there were just moments that were stronger than any bit of patience and understanding she put on the table. That phone call, for example. The woman’s voice had pierced her like a needle. And seeing Michael in such obvious distress hadn’t helped.

Before leaving the bathroom, when she had told him that Christine should have left many things alone, Lisa had found herself biting her tongue not to add that he, too, should have done the same.

She was glad that she had been able to refrain herself. But now, all of a sudden, as she stood there in the bedroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around her body, she felt the intense need to run away. To go back home to the kids, be a mother, and let Michael do whatever he wanted to do. Instinctively, she threw her trolley on the bed.

When she heard him open the door and enter the room, she felt a weird mixture of annoyance and relief. This man that at one point, a long time ago, had shunned her for months – refusing to take her calls, refusing to see her – before he went back to her, had now… surprised her again.

She turned and he was standing there, still drenched, his hair dripping, a towel around his waist. And the mere sight of him stole her breath.

His dark eyes studied her, moved to the trolley, then back on her.

“Lisa… You’re not leaving… right?”

Lisa swallowed.

“No, of course not…”

The lies she could still tell herself when she needed some form of self-preservation…

He nodded his head, ever so slightly, then walked over to the nightstand and unfolded doctor Plumb’s note. He read out loud.

“I would like for you to sit down, facing each other, and relax. What I am asking you to do is watch. I want you to truly look at each other quietly for a few minutes, not saying anything. Just feeling and remembering why you fell in love. And then, when you are both ready, I am asking you to do what feels natural to you: you can talk, you can touch, you can just keep sharing your quiet moment of peace. This is a first and fundamental step, because it allows you to recognize your partner for who they really are…” Michael shrugged and glanced up at Lisa. “…It continues, but I think you get the gist.”

Lisa didn’t say a word. His utter patience still amazed her. She had mused about her own resilience, but she had never imagined that he could be so accommodating and composed. He didn’t sound imperturbable either, but more like… persevering. Persistent in the gentlest way.

Michael took a chair and positioned right in front of the plush armchair in the corner. Once again he looked up at her.

“Shall we begin? You can have that plushy thing if you want.”

Lisa smirked. What else could she do? He could be so fucking disarming.