Unraveling – Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – Now

Charleston, South Carolina – Unites States – A week later

For how long had Lisa been walking on eggshells around her husband before the shit hit the fan at Doctor Plumb’s office? How long had she pretended that everything was fine while, in fact, she knew that Michael was somehow slowly slipping away from her? Maybe from himself, even?

Because he knew that she did. Lisa knew. And maybe she had known for quite some time.

Her almost complete lack of surprise when he had confessed what he had done with Christine had confirmed his worst fears. It was as if Lisa had been expecting something like that.

Michael had spoken, pretty much saying all that needed to be said, but hadn’t been able to add much. Those few words were more than enough and, of course, nobody had said anything else for quite some time.

Eventually, he had brought himself to turn in his chair and look at his wife.

“I am so sorry. Lise… I don’t know what else to say. I wish I had the words to tell you how sorry I am. It was a fucked-up thing to do.”

Understatement of the year…

Lisa had just stared at him. Her eyes barely hid all the hurt and disappointment that she was so obviously feeling, but her face was calm, composed. Her reaction, or lack thereof, had scared the living daylights out of him.

“Can I ask you something, Michael?”

He had just nodded his head, fighting against the urge to undo a couple more buttons of his shirt. God, he needed a shower. He was sweating bullets.

“Did you fuck her?”

Of course, she hadn’t even thought about polishing up her language in front of a stranger. Why should she, after all? This was all on him. Michael shook his head.

“No, Lise. I didn’t. I would never. I swear I left after that kiss and I’ve never seen her or heard from her again since. Please, believe me.”

She had stared at him for the longest time.

“I do. I believe you.” The expression in her eyes had not changed in the slightest. It wasn’t that she was relieved. She was still just immensely sad. And it broke his heart to know that he had caused that pain, in a moment where she probably had been utterly vulnerable. “I know you’re telling me the truth.”

Michael wondered if she understood how surprised he was by the way she was dealing with the whole matter. He had expected flames and lightings. He had anticipated for all hell to break loose, a screaming match, Lisa stomping out of the office, taking the car and leaving him there. Maybe he would need to find some Uber guy or something to go back home. Maybe he would need a divorce lawyer once again.

But no. Nothing of that sort. In fact, nothing at all.

“Lisa… Aren’t you going to say anything?”

He had to ask, and he had been cautious while doing it. As if he expected for the dynamite stick to go off.

“What else am I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know. It almost looks… I mean, it’s like you already knew.”

She had just leaned forward, cradling her head into her hands as if she was physically hurting. As if she felt sick. And probably she did. Michael’s stomach had dropped at her first honest and open display of emotion.

“No, I didn’t. Not for sure, at least. But I think I know when it happened. That evening that you came home and you were soaking wet… You looked like you had fallen into a puddle… or something like that. It was pouring down, remember? There was a rainstorm outside. You were supposed to be home for dinner… and instead you were late. Just a little late actually, but enough for me to notice.”

Bingo. That had been the night. She was perceptive. She always had been.

Lisa had paused, likely trying to gather her thoughts. She had blinked.

“I remember that… you smelled like the rain… But also like something else that… just wasn’t you. A perfume or something. Not your cologne, not your aftershave anyway.”

Oh, shit.

And yet later that night she had allowed him to make love to her. Had she cried, afterward? Michael couldn’t really remember. He knew that he had been way too overwhelmed to focus. He hadn’t made love to his wife in such a long time and just by moving inside of her, he had realized how intensely he had missed her. He had wished that time would stop there and then, no issues, no walls, no defenses, nothing. Just the two of them like it had been at one point in time. A long, long time ago.

But that hadn’t been it at all. There were issues, alright. At that point, Lisa already knew that something had happened to him – something that shouldn’t have occurred, something that he shouldn’t have done, something that neither one of them could have predicted. And if she didn’t know for sure, at the very least she had a suspicion. He smelled differently when he came home. Lisa was smart and she knew him, and obviously was aware of how frustrated and numb he had been feeling.

As Michael tried to rationalize what had happened next, it occurred to him that Lisa allowing him to make love to her was possibly a good sign. It hadn’t felt like a goodbye, more like an intense willingness to feel him close.

Then why hadn’t she spoken up?

You already know the answer. Because she’s ain’t pushing her luck with you lately. Even Janet told you. Lisa is afraid to lose you and she doesn’t want to risk it. And you’re doing the same thing, for the same reasons. You guys gotta find a metaphorical meeting place and start from there. You got plenty to lose, even more so now than the first time around. Act wisely, brother. You remember how life without her was.

Coming back to the present, Michael gripped the steering wheel tighter. Well, maybe… Just maybe, this new step in their couple therapy would do the trick. So far, it had been able to bring him and Lisa back to the States, that was for sure.

A week earlier, after that session with doctor Plumb, Michael and Lisa hadn’t shared many words as they drove back home. He had tried to break the ice, but his wife didn’t really seem in the mood for it. She was laconic at best.

“Lisa…”

She had been staring at the black road streamlining by like a flat snake for minutes. And when she had replied, she had done so without even turning her head. She was obviously lost in thought. She had a lot to digest.

“Mh?”

“…Why didn’t you talk to me? I mean… If you suspected something…”

“And why didn’t you, Michael?”

Good question. Because he was terrified. Because he hoped that what had happened…

What you did.

…would just disappear.

What you did won’t disappear, Mike.

Because he didn’t want to lose her. But she already knew that and repeating it now was pointless. He just shook his head and kept driving quietly for a second.

“Mike?”

“Yes?”

“Did you do it… What you did with her, I mean… Did you do it because you don’t…” She cleared her throat and frowned, ever so slightly. Glancing over at her, Michael saw the struggle taking place inside of her. “…Because I’m no longer desirable to you?”

“What?! No!” He almost pushed on the brake and stopped the car in the middle of the road. She still wasn’t looking at him and he spotted a faint trace of tears in her eyes. “There’s no other woman I want but you… OK?”

No answer. Didn’t she believe him?

How can she? Why should she?

God, he wanted to cry.

“Lise… OK?”

“Yeah… OK.”

“Are you gonna leave me?”

This time, she turned to look at him straight in the eyes.

“For this? You mean, because you kissed another woman? Well… Once upon a time, I would probably have. Or at the very least I would have ripped your balls off. Right now…” She bit the inside of her cheek. “…We’re here, right? We’re trying to fix this.”

And he could tell how much it pained her.

“Yeah…” Michael nodded his head. “Yeah, we are trying to fix this.”

Of course, it was not surprising that they had not slept together in a week. Since that last, terrible therapy session and unbeknown to the kids – because neither he nor Lisa wanted to upset them – Michael had been spending the night in his home office, on the plush couch that once had been reserved for much more entertaining activities.

The next step would be to spend a long weekend – or a short getaway – with Lisa in an 1890’s Charleston mansion with roses, champagne and more surprises to come. Which sounded kind of weird, given the complicated situation they were embroiled in as a couple. However, doctor Plumb had been clear: unconventional couples needed unconventional approaches, and Michael and Lisa would discover everything they needed to know once they got to their destination.

In South Carolina.

They had been in the car for about an hour after landing at the airport and Lisa had already called home twice. She just could not let go of the nervousness and the concern. And also, she could not believe that she and Michael had left their kids home. All of them.

Well, Riley and Ben were old enough to be more than self-sufficient, and there were also three live-in nannies, and Rebbie and even Katherine, but still… It had pained Lisa to leave the children, even if only for a few days. Especially Logan, given that this was the very first time that his parents traveled together and without him.

Nonetheless, it was all a matter of priorities. How could their family stay united if Michael and Lisa didn’t fix their relationship? The most rational part of her knew all about that, but her maternal instincts were hard to curb.

And there was also something else: she was not entirely sure that this constant need to call back home wasn’t a way to disconnect herself from what she was about to experience now. With Michael. And nobody else.

If once the idea of spending a few days alone with the man of her dreams would have been nothing but enticing and alluring, this time it was anxiety-inducing. She felt a string of emotions that were complicated to describe: disillusionment, hope, desire, longing, love. And mostly, concern that nothing of this could ever work.

She and Michael had set up their getaway in such a way that even security was not needed. It was not that the guys weren’t there, of course. Michael always needed protection when he traveled, and their little town in Canada was currently one of the few places in the world where he had the luxury of moving around freely and independently. However, the security detail was in a second car and was only following them from a distance, and they would become invisible once reached the residence. It would be as if they weren’t there at all.

At that mansion in Folly Beach, facing the Atlantic Ocean, where Lisa would be all alone with her husband for the first time in forever. The “Edge of America”, that place was called, and the irony of it almost made Lisa smile.

How long since she and Michael had spent some quality time on their own, without the kids or any charity event involved? She couldn’t even remember, and the realization almost scared her. How had they gotten to that point?

She immediately wondered if he was thinking about the same thing and turned to look at him. Even after a few hours on a plane, he managed to look amazing. It was far from surprising that women like Christine would set their eyes on him so easily. Michael was beyond charming.

He also had offered to drive once again and Lisa noticed that he was going slow, as if he was not in a hurry to get there at all. As if he wanted time to expand beyond its natural limits. She glanced at her watch.

“You think we’ll be able to have dinner at home or should we stop at a Burger King somewhere?”

Michael was wearing shades and, when he grinned, she could not tell if his eyes were smiling as well. All of a sudden, she felt the intense need to see them and she didn’t know why. She didn’t know a lot of things lately – including if she really wanted to do this.

“Why, you got plans for the night?”

What a dick.

Lisa scoffed.

“Nothing more than what we have already planned.”

“Good. Then your plans involve me and nobody else.” He looked up and into the rear-view mirror. “Unless you’re hungry. In that case, I can stop somewhere.”

“No, I’m not hungry.”

“You gotta pee?”

“No, Michael. I don’t have to pee. But thanks for your concern.”

Lisa threw him one last glance before tinkering with her smartphone once again. She needed not to look at him too much, because she knew what he was doing. He had dressed up for the occasion, donning a dark blue suit that looked amazing on him and a black shirt. His shortish, curly hair was perfectly styled and his short beard flawlessly trimmed. Michael was taking this whole thing very seriously and Lisa understood why.

He felt tremendously guilty for what he had done, and had basically been fumbling in the dark since his big revelation in doctor Plumb’s office. Pretty much confirming what Lisa already knew to be true – without even knowing the specifics. It pained her to even think about it and not granting him any grandiose reaction, but not giving him any insights about how she felt was the only weapon she had left to deal with what had happened. Because in all honesty, suspecting that your husband might no longer be interested in you like he used to be was one thing, but hearing him admit that he had at the very least felt up another woman – a younger woman, at that – was another thing entirely.

And Lisa could only hope Michael had only kissed that Christine lady.

Come on… You know that’s what he did. You know nothing else happened. He was telling the truth – and you saw it in his eyes. You always know when he’s lying or keeping something from you. He hasn’t done anything else but what he said he did. It’s only your fears talking.

Right… likely correct. Still, Lisa had a hard time getting rid of that feeling of insecurity. And not giving anything away was the last shred of self-defense that she had. Besides, Michael should have known that it wasn’t that she didn’t care. Even though she had seen the fear in his eyes. He was afraid that she was indifferent to what had happened. He had no idea how wrong he was.

The truth was that Lisa cared way more than he could ever believe, and had not yet found the way to even express the emotions that bubbled within. Plus, she didn’t have the heart to tell Michael that she didn’t know if what they were doing could fix them.

But sure as fuck she was going to try. Because she loved him to pieces. Always, and regardless.

Believe it or not, you two went through worse stuff. This is fresh water.

Fresh water, my ass!

“What?”

Michael’s voice startled her.

“What, what?”

“You said something about your ass. Are you sure you’re OK?”

He was trying very hard to keep a straight face, but when he lowered his shades for a moment, Lisa saw the mixture of amusement and concern in his eyes. He was treading carefully – as he should. Her heart squeezed in her chest and once again she had to fight against the instinct of comforting him. She was hurting, yes, but so was he. She could tell. Michael was not the cheating type, and she felt that she had some responsibilities as well if he had done what he had done.

“My ass and myself are both fine, Mike. Again, thank you for worrying.”

“I definitely won’t tell you how fine your ass is, baby girl.”

“Yeah, you better.”

This time, she had to struggle to not smile. Because a very primal part of her brain had just kicked in, suddenly reminding her that it was very easy to laugh with Michael. That he was fun, and quirky, and sexy, and cocky and that everything she loved in a man, he embodied.

“Come on then, what’s that frown? Smile a little! We’re on vacation, after all!”

“Long weekend, but whatever.” She had to appreciate his gentle attempts to lighten her mood. But she couldn’t bring herself to show it yet. “You know what, I’m gonna call home and make sure the kids are fine.”

In a single smooth movement, Michael reached out and covered her smartphone – and, in the process, her hand – with his own hand. His eyes stayed fixed on the road, but Lisa saw him blush slightly.

“For the fifth time? Lise… I promise you, they’re fine. It’s almost as if you don’t want this little vacation to start… Almost…”

“No, that’s not true, I just…” Lisa swallowed. The touch of his warm hand made her feel all fuzzy and foggy inside. She had a hard time focusing. “…Never mind. I’ll call later.”

“Good girl…”

Those words and the low, sexy tone in his voice before he removed his hand did nothing to tame her sensations. Quite the opposite.

They arrived at the mansion about an hour later, and Lisa felt grateful. Because for the entire time in the car, Michael had become increasingly bolder, making small talk, asking her about her projects and her music – without being too detailed in his requests, just letting her know that he was interested.

He was an inquisitive man, he always had been. Lisa knew that he wanted so much to know more about what she had revealed at Plumb’s, but once again she was not ready to talk about any of that. It saddened her to realize that what once had been perfect communication had become a choppy, difficult back and forth between two people who, at the end of the day, no longer seemed to know how to navigate what they felt for one another.

At the same time, she really needed to get out of the car and put some physical space between Michael and herself. That man was something else. And being so close to him made it extremely easy for her to get sucked in. He was a whole galaxy, he was a sun, but also a black hole. Whatever side of the diamond you picked, you were bound to lose yourself. Which, in plain words, meant that he had started to be seductive on purpose and she had started to fall for it. And that, precisely that, was not something that she needed at that very moment. Their therapeutic weekend, as Michael called it, hadn’t even started yet.

All in all, the mansion ended up being a great distraction.

The historical house was quite big for only two people, close to the beach and completely immersed in greenery. It stood out mainly because it was all snow-white with blue details, and because its picturesque lines were enhanced by an unexpected waterfront vista. Blue water reflecting itself onto the immaculate walls. Decorated by a series of graceful arches, the residence was at the end of a tree-lined little roach and looked like a dream come true. Even though the mansion was deserted, the lights inside were on, just like doctor Plumb had anticipated.

“You won’t need any security there. The house is safe, and the perimeter is discretely monitored. The owners only accept strictly selected guests and of course, they would be thrilled to have you guys there. For a few days you’re going to have the chance to experience complete solitude… Intimacy of the best kind. You need it, believe me. Peace of mind is the first step in the right direction, but you have to be in the perfect place to get there. Away from daily routines and deadlines. And that house is exactly it.”

The therapist wasn’t wrong.

Glancing around, Lisa could tell that whoever had taken care of getting the house ready hadn’t left anything to chance. Every single detail was nothing short of perfect. From the neat garden to the recently pruned roses, from the snow-white cushions on the porch swing to the infinity pool, and finally the dinner table in the dining room. The windows were open and, even from the outside, she could tell that the table had been set very carefully. For two.

“Mike…”

Lisa just stood there, glancing up at the yellowish set of lights illuminating pretty much every room. Just looking at the place made her feel weird, but not in a bad way. She felt as if she and Michael had just landed in another world, if only for a little while.

The sky had already turned dark blue, preluding the night. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Michael stop next to her and follow her gaze.

“Yeah… It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Can you hear the waves crashing on the shore? The ocean is so close.”

She grinned, and for no apparent reason whatsoever, she realized that she felt like crying. She was overwhelmed and maybe it was the very first time that she allowed herself to acknowledge it.

“It really is…”

They enjoyed the silence of the evening for a minute. Just being there, in the moment, taking it all in. The light breeze. The cicadas. The water splashing against the pier, at a short distance. At one point, Lisa even saw a couple of fireflies chasing each other. Like lovers, not enemies. It made her smile again. It made her think that no matter what, the world kept on spinning and everything in it kept doing its own thing.

On cue, Michael shifted closer and reached out, taking her hand. His touch was tentative, timid, as if he was not sure that she would be OK with that. Once again that pang inside her chest, maybe out of love, maybe out of pain. However, Lisa didn’t pull her hand away and his thumb rubbed her wrist for a moment before he entwined his fingers with hers. She let him.

“Lise…”

Almost in a trance, she brought herself to look at him. His eyes were shiny in the ever-changing colors of the evening. And way darker than the sky. And he was still the most beautiful man she had ever seen in her life. His hold on her hand tightened ever so slightly and she saw him swallow hard. The movement of his Adam’s apple reminding her how a part of her hoped that she could still be his Eve despite their paradise being already lost.

Michael shifted, got closer, and his other hand came up, cupping her cheek. Instinctively, Lisa tilted her head back – all the while leaning into his touch.

“What…”

“I am so happy to be here with you… Finally… I think we need this… And…” He blinked. “…Can I tell you something?”

“OK…”

“I wanna kiss you so bad right now…”

His voice was a husky whisper, and she had a hard time focusing. The pang became more intense the moment he moved even closer and his head tilted to a side. She knew what he was about to do. His lips parted and Lisa knew that heaven was, once again, only an inch away. She could almost taste his kiss and craved it with an intensity that bordered on pain. But it wouldn’t have been right.

Struggling, she inhaled a deep, shaky breath and took a step back.

“Mike… Let’s not ruin this moment…” Her eyes narrowed and she let go of his hand. Reaching up, she touched his cheek. “Please don’t make me do this.”

Michael lowered his head and closed his eyes. He didn’t move when she stepped away and started walking alone toward the house.

He caught up with her about five minutes later and found her in the dining room. Her fingertips were skimming over one of the napkins neatly placed on the table, and as usual lately, she looked lost in thought.

Michael didn’t know what to do. He had forced himself to wait a little while before following her into the house, not only because he knew that she needed a minute. His decision was about himself, too. He didn’t know what had gotten into him when he had tried to kiss her. He could tell that it was a gamble, that she wasn’t ready. That it was too soon.

Well, she’s your wife. You love her like mad. You miss her. And the moment out there was perfect. That’s what got into you. You tried. And you love taking risks anyway.

The moment had been perfect for him, yeah, but obviously not for Lisa. When she had walked away, looking like an ethereal creature in the warm summer night, he had just stood there like an idiot. His heart too large in his chest, his pants suddenly a couple of sizes too small. Just by standing close to her, just by almost kissing her. Such was her power over him, and maybe she didn’t even realize it. She didn’t seem to know that no other woman could do that for him.

Alright, but you still did it, brother. And you being just five minutes away from banging someone else doesn’t exactly sound like an oath of love.

Right. And that was why he had stopped and let Lisa go. What else could he do? Of course, his first instinct had been to go after her, talk to her, convince her that what had almost happened was good. It was perfect and inevitable. That it was necessary. But they were walking on thin ice and one single wrong step could ruin everything. Michael was aware of that. The only thing that comforted him was the fact that they were there together. She was there with him and they had time. Not too much time, but possibly enough to start healing.

He just stood at the entrance of the dining room. It took Lisa a minute to speak, even though she knew that he was there.

“Hey… I thought you had left.”

“Where was I supposed to go? Without you, of all people…”

“No idea. I was just wondering if I was gonna spend this weekend all alone in this big-ass house.”

He had to be grateful for her attempt at humor, especially after letting him cold and lonely in the garden.

Michael snorted.

“Not a chance.”

This time, she smiled – albeit tiredly.

“Good. But before we have dinner… I want you to see this…”

Her hand moved and came to rest on a white envelope on the table. A detail that Michael hadn’t even noticed because he was way too busy observing his wife.

His eyes narrowed.

“What’s that?”

“Just a welcome message… Take a look…” Stepping closer, Lisa handed him the envelope and lightly touched the back of his hand when he took the piece of paper from her fingers. The mere contact thrilled him. It felt like a peace offer after what had transpired in the garden.

Moving back, giving her the bit of space that she so obviously craved, Michael opened the envelope and extracted the note. He didn’t recognize the handwriting – the words could have been written by the masters of the house or doctor Plumb, but it was not that important.

“Welcome to the mansion, Michael and Lisa.

This secluded, romantic place will become your home for a few days. So please, relax, reconnect and have fun. You are completely safe and won’t be disturbed.

A chilled bottle of Billecart-Salmon Vintage 2008 is waiting for you in a silver bucket, together with two keepsake long-stem champagne flutes. In the master bedroom, you will find dozens of red roses – the traditional symbol of love and romance – and chocolate-covered strawberries. They are perfect with the champagne and hopefully, you will appreciate the detail.

Enjoy your stay and your dinner first and foremost. And do not forget to check the notes on the bed.”

Michael read the message out loud, then glanced up at Lisa.

“It’s not signed.”

“I know.”

“You think Plumb wrote it?”

Lisa just shrugged.

“Maybe. Does it matter?”

He grinned.

“Not really.”

“Good… Wanna take care of the wine? I think we need it…”

Licking his lips, Michael put the note back on the table, noticing the frugal, yet no doubt fabulous cold dinner waiting for them.

“We sure do…”

It was the truth, and he was glad that there was alcohol in the house. It was obvious that he and Lisa were both wired beyond belief and needed to relax. Besides, he had no idea what they were supposed to find in those notes waiting for them in the bedroom, but sure as fuck at the moment he could not bring himself to step into a room filled with red roses, given that his wife had just refused to kiss him. He felt inadequate and unworthy enough as it was. So, yeah, those notes would have to wait.

The more he thought about it, the more it became apparent that they came from doctor Plumb, by the way. At least in Michael’s opinion. The therapist had told him and Lisa that they would know what to do at the house once they got there. Cool – amazing, really. He was down with that, as long as it was useful and he could get Lisa – and himself – the way he wanted her to be. Back.

But first, champagne!

Michael found it in the finely styled kitchen, in an ice bucket. Sighing, he uncorked the bottle and poured some bubbly liquid in the two glasses, then turned to walk back to the dining room and found himself face to face with Lisa. He almost dropped the glasses. And the bottle. Sneak attack at its finest.

She stared at him with an odd look in her eyes. It would happen quite often, as of late. She would always look at him in that inscrutable way, and he could almost hear the gearwheels spinning in her mind. He wondered what her thoughts were, but could not bring himself to ask. Way too risky. He was deathly afraid that, if he pushed her too much, she would give up on this. On him. And so he just stayed quiet, lost in his own confusion.

“Here… Let me.” She took the bottle that he was holding under his arm and reached around him. “Let’s put this back down… For now.”

“Do you wanna make a toast?”

She tilted her head to a side and smiled, a bit playfully.

“Why not?”

God, she was so sexy. And frustrating. What the heck was this? Why did she seem to be running hot and cold now? Michael handed her one of the glasses and broke eye-contact, needing to regroup.

“Then… by all means, carry on.”

Lisa chuckled.

“It’s always something to see this polite, gentlemanish part of you emerge.” She raised her glass ever so slightly. “…But anyway… To us.”

He looked at her again and, this time, he did more than stare. For the first time in days, he allowed her to see everything that was there to see inside of him. No barriers. No masks. Just complete openness and vulnerability. And he knew that she saw it all, because her cheeks reddened.

“To us,” Michael repeated, then lightly touched her glass with his own.

They sipped the champagne and, for the first time in days, they stared at each other with an intensity that almost made him feel dizzy. He gulped down the wine, then poured himself another glass and drank once again. Lisa kept eye-contact and mirrored his gesture.

“More?”

She just held out her glass and he poured some more champagne for her, too.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?”

He laughed.

“Hey, I just asked. You said yes.”

“I sure did… After all, this is supposed to be a positive moment. And maybe we’ll be able to get there, you know…” She blinked. “Eventually.”

Michael cleared his throat. Do not push your luck, he told himself one more time. If she gets tipsy, it doesn’t mean that she is no longer upset and you don’t want her to regret whatever might happen between the two of you. You also don’t want her to do anything she is not sure she wants to do, and if she has to drink to get there, maybe that’s exactly the case. You want everything to progress naturally.

“Michael?”

“Yes?”

“What should progress naturally?”

His eyes narrowed. Had he mumbled his thoughts out loud? Probably. It happened often, when he was a little too upset and anxious about something.

“Nothing. Just… the evening, you know. The weekend. Whatever the doctor has in store for us should progress naturally.” He took a deep breath. “You ready for that dinner?”

Lisa could not help noticing that the strawberry gazpacho looked delicious. Just standing there, in front of her in its cute little cup, still untouched. She would be able to notice anything, as long as it distracted her from the obvious loss of control that she had experienced just a handful of minutes earlier, in the kitchen. When she had been this close to conceding Michael everything that she knew he wanted.

Because there was a part of her – a big part of her – that wanted just the same.

The wine hadn’t helped one bit. If her plan was to keep her own instincts and urges on a tight leash, gulping down two glasses of champagne back to back was certainly not the best strategy. But hey, she was hanging by a thread. She was stretched way too thin. And she had had to force herself to do what she had done, out in that garden.

She had to struggle to leave Michael there empty-handed. She had been way too jumbled up to tell him that it wasn’t that she didn’t want him – it was just that she knew that she would lose her bearings if only she allowed him to get too close.

When having him close – close enough to blend with her – was everything that Lisa wanted.

But not now. They had to let time run its course.

In the past, they had been wild, frantic, in a constant hurry. Their explosive fights were always followed by temporary goodbyes, and then reconciliations, long talks, often tears, promises, kisses and frantic lovemaking. Wash, rinse, repeat. It had never worked until somehow it had worked, and yet they were now back to the same old conundrum. The very definition of lunacy.

Only, there was another woman in between, this time. Or had been, given that Michael had sworn up and down that he had not contacted her again.

In all honesty, Lisa was still trying to find a way to cope with what had happened. Keeping calm was so far the only plan of action that seemed to work, but she knew herself and she was aware of the burning hot volcano bubbling inside. She was doing her best to repress it, but sooner or later it would just go off.

And if she had allowed Michael to kiss her, earlier, and had found out that something had changed about him… That he was not into it like he used to be… If she had felt that he wasn’t emotionally invested, if she had felt undesirable to him…

If any or all those options had materialized, Lisa wouldn’t have known what to do. Knowing herself, she would have just left, spoiling everything. Crashing this unique opportunity, like she and Michael had done one too many times in the past.

And that could not happen for too many reasons.

It had to be different this time, because there was so much more at stake and they would not survive another failure. And Lisa… well, despite Michael having done the unthinkable, despite Michael having technically cheated on her even without going all the way… Lisa could not imagine her life without him. There was still so much that needed to be unveiled and unraveled. So much that was still unspoken and buried under years and years of mistakes and silence.

And so she had left him there, in that garden that was nothing short but perfect for a kiss. She had no other choice.

Glancing up at Michael, she noticed that he was playing with the watermelon-peach salad on his plate. He wasn’t really hungry and that concerned her. Since their last session with Plumb, he had been eating very little and she wondered if maybe, by giving him some reassurance, he would feel more inclined to take care of himself a little more. He was in great shape, and Lisa didn’t want to see him lose weight like it had happened during the trial.

Putting her own survival mechanisms in the back seat, she reached out and touched his hand, startling him. He looked up and she could tell that he had not been expecting that gesture at all.

“Hey… did you notice how meticulously prepared all these dishes are?”

Lame, alright, and formal, but she had to break the ice somehow.

Michael smirked, dryly.

“They are. And they smell delicious.”

“I bet they taste even better…”

He kept looking at her and squinted his eyes, confused, no doubt intercepting her low, husky tone. A sexy tone for such obviously aphrodisiac recipes. It pained her to send so many mixed signals, but she just could not help it.

Lisa removed the fork from his hand and took a little piece of peach from his plate. She fed him, and their eyes stayed connected. She could tell that he was relieved and thankful and, once again, the little game of reconnection, tiny step by tiny step, risked to backfire on her.

“How is it?”

Michael chewed slowly.

“It’s delicious.”

“Great… Let’s try to enjoy this dinner, then… Before we find out what those notes are all about…”

She put the fork back in his plate and motioned to remove her hand, but Michael stopped her. Just covering her hand with his own, bringing it up to his lips and kissing her knuckles.

“OK…”

He never broke eye-contact.

At that very moment, it became effortless for Lisa to remember why she had always been so in love with him.

For the umpteenth time in her life since she had met him again as an adult, she hoped with all her heart that what they felt for one another could save them.