Chapter 8

“The turbulent Vltava, swollen with rainy waves, Bursting, impetuous breaks through its river banks.”
–Elizabeth Jane Weston

There was something in the way those two were looking at each other that gave Michael pause. He was well aware that, having Lisa been in this place already once in the past – unlike him – she had had the chance to meet plenty of people working on the premises. However, this guy exuded utterly different vibes, as if he knew her a little too much and too well for someone who should have barely been an acquaintance.

From his table, strategically positioned in the darkest and most secluded corner of the bar, Michael shook his head to himself ever so slightly. Maybe he was just getting paranoid. Perhaps he should just enjoy his wine and then call it a night once the glass was empty. After all, the previous twelve hours had been exhausting, and he needed some rest. It was funny how well he had been sleeping since landing in Prague. Unexpected, really.

Sitting across the table, Wayne followed Michael’s gaze and stared at Lisa for a moment. By the bar counter, she was laughing and chatting away with that red-haired man and, sometimes, touching his arm in a manner that was at the very least friendly. Her eyes never left him.

“Boss?”

“Yes, Wayne?”

“Do you want us to go back to the hotel?”

Michael blinked and turned to look at Wayne. Then his gaze fell on the glass he was cradling in his hand. He seemed enraptured by the ruby red liquid for a moment.

“Maybe in a little while. Is Teddy already off duty?”

“Yes, Mike. You let him go about a couple of hours ago, remember?”

“Right, right…” God, where was his mind at? He was completely distracted. He let a few more seconds pass. “Do you happen to know who that guy is?”

“The guy talking with Miss Lisa?”

“Yeah, him.”

Wayne sat in his chair and seemed to relax his posture a bit. Yet, he kept looking like a soldier.

“I don’t know his name, but I think he’s one of the chefs. I heard he came back just in time for the grand opening. He will stay here for a few weeks just to help out and then go home.”

“I see…”

The very little Wayne knew wasn’t useful at all. Michael had hoped that his head of security could tell him so much more. If that guy had been there the previous summer, for example. Because he truly looked a damn lot like the man in those pictures. Well, he wouldn’t ask. He was not the kind of man who felt the need to interrupt his former wife’s conversation with another guy she so obviously fancied. He had been even more open than planned the previous night, and if Lisa didn’t want him, well… He would pretend it didn’t affect him that much and just move on.

Yeah, right…

Right, indeed. He knew he was being watched and was aware that his presence there, in that relatively public place, had piqued the interest of more than one woman. According to Dana and Jaroslav’s expressed request, everyone at the Threshold had been behaving in the most perfect manner. The added benefit was that the press was still very much in the dark about Michael’s presence there. But that didn’t mean that those girls didn’t know how he was, or that they didn’t want to spend the night with him. Maybe he could just try to take Lisa out of his system by…

“Cezar.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Michael frowned and glanced over at Wayne once again.

“I think his name is Cezar. It just came back to me in a flash. I heard Mr. Mazek call him that, earlier.”

“Alright… Thanks, Wayne.”

Cezar. How fitting it was, that the man probably sported the name of an ancient king. Given the way he was talking to Lisa – in that hushed, intimate way that she wouldn’t usually allow with a stranger, and not even an acquaintance – Michael could at the very least tell that they had met before. And in retrospect, maybe that man indeed was the same redhead guy in some of the pictures that the Mazeks had shown Michael during their first meeting, before the real work began. During their rare conversations there in Prague, Lisa hadn’t mentioned any affair, but he knew her way too well. She had flown over to the Czech Republic right after their big mess in Paris and maybe, just maybe, she had needed some comfort. She sure had issues being on her own, especially when she was hurt and angry.

Or maybe, just maybe, she was flirting now because she thought that Michael’s offer wasn’t that great after all. Perhaps he was nothing but her old and stinky teddy bear – worn-out and dull – and she wanted to try something new. Maybe she didn’t want him at all, in any way, shape or form. Not anymore.

He swallowed hard.

He began thinking that he should have told her that it wasn’t just sex, what he wanted from her. She had been open, vulnerable at one point. While he was kissing her in that park and she was kissing him back as if nothing else mattered. And yet, after all, it was better that he hadn’t delved deep into his emotions. There wasn’t much to save anyway.

But regardless, in retrospect, he also should have been more articulate when he had tried to explain what had caused their French meeting to never happen. He should have told her that he had never stopped thinking about her, and that he had been disappointed with himself in a way, because he knew he had failed her. He was aware that being a dad would always come first for him, but he should have known better regardless. Lisa had flown all the way to Paris from Los Angeles, just to be there where he had asked her to be, when he had told her that she should be there. Just to see him, probably make up with him. And not only he had deserted her, he had considered his own fears and priorities and great epiphanies more important than acknowledging the importance of what she had done. For him. For herself. For the two of them.

She too had kids at home. Children who she loved, cherished, adored to spend her time with. And yet… she had made a choice. She had made her stance clear. She had chosen him and had put him on top of her list.

He knew he should have called her back, at the very least to apologize, because disappointing himself didn’t necessarily mean that he had to go all the way to disappoint her so thoroughly. To have her think that he had just tossed her away, or even mocked her, became almost intolerable all of a sudden. He had done his best to push the matter aside for months, and now he no longer had any defense against it.

It hurt.

Blinking and snapping out of his meditations, he realized that he had begun to sweat. He sipped his wine and leaned back in his chair, sighing.

Needing to take his mind away from what his eyes saw, Michael tried to immerse himself in the beautiful feelings that he had experienced throughout the past twelve hours or so, when one after one he had visited and met ten different families that would be moving to the Threshold before Christmas. Their happiness had been contagious, and a helpful reminder of what it meant to be joyous for something when you had nothing. Michael was glad that he and Jaroslav had more encounters planned for the next day, since the shelter would become home to a total of twenty family units. Of course, to drive all over the city and its surroundings had taken the whole day and had been exhausting, yet Michael felt content and replenished. Completely at peace and genuinely happy.

As a matter of fact, he was still a bit hyper when he and Jaro had finally driven back to the shelter, and had hoped he would have some time to talk to Lisa about what had transpired during the day. How interacting one to one with those families had made him feel focused and present in the moment, how it had opened his heart wide to hope, to that genuine satisfaction that came with doing something good. Something just and honest and positive for people who had received very little from life. People that now, maybe, would have a better chance. He loved sharing those things with her because he knew she could understand him more than anybody else.

Besides, he had missed her more than he could ever expect – or admit, even to himself. He had found himself thinking about her more than once during the day. Spacing out, reliving those kisses in the park. The exhilaration that had come with them, the barely restrained passion – it all had made him flustered and bothered several times. And then, there was the thrill he had experienced once he had gotten back to the sanctuary.

But then he had noticed the party, in the bar area in one of the annex buildings. The whole staff was there and there was music playing in the background. There were drinks and people were dancing, and everyone was cheering. The heavy lifting had officially ended that day and everything on the premises was ready to welcome the first guests. It was time to begin celebrating. Now, the only thing left to do was get the Threshold ready for the grand opening.

Lisa was there too, standing by the bar counter. At first, Michael had just decided to stay put and wait for her to stop chatting with Dana, but then, when Miss Mazek had left, Lisa had begun what had looked like a long conversation with another woman. Another staff member.

Michael had decided to wait a little longer. Just to borrow time, he had asked Wayne to please order some wine and had sat down at his little table, observing Lisa from afar. And then at one point, she had turned her head and their eyes had met.

She had looked taken aback for a moment, as if she hadn’t been expecting to see him sitting there at all. Then she had waved at him and had smiled a shy, tiny smile. Relieved, he had just smiled in return, noticing how mysterious and unreadable her eyes looked. What was going through her mind? Was she happy that he was there, after not seeing and hearing from him for the entire day? When had he become so incapable of seeing right through her, of interpreting her thoughts? They had been so clear, for such a long time, in the past. She had been like an open book to him, always wearing her heart on her sleeve. But not anymore, seemed like.

God… He hated change, and yet there was a part of him that craved it all the time. As if he just couldn’t stand still. As if he constantly needed to be in motion to survive, like a shark. And yet, even when he had gone through his metamorphoses in his life, his soul had always held Lisa close. It had been entwined with her. She had always been his solid vessel, his mast in the storm. The person who knew him the most was his dream girl, his biggest advocate, his most dangerous critic, and also his reality-check. Until she had left to never come back, in a moment of his life when he had been readier to evolve and settle down than he had been in years. He just hadn’t had time to fully understand the direction his life would be taking. To verbalize the emotions he had been experiencing. And at one point, she had simply become tired of waiting. She craved commitment, and he had offered her to have another kid.

Bad move. She had interpreted it as some deja-vu of the past.

Given their past history and the circumstances, Michael knew that his hadn’t been the proper answer – and in fact she had run away. Out of pride, he had let her go and she had slammed the door and made her grand exit out of his life, permanently.

Well… But that wasn’t entirely true, was it? She was there, with him. She had kissed him the night before, held onto him. She had kissed him as if it meant something, just like she had always done. He had read all the signs and knew that she wanted what was happening just as much as he did. So maybe he shouldn’t have let her leave. He shouldn’t have stayed out there in the snow like a fool. A hot and bothered fool, at that. Who could tell? With a little more patience, maybe things would have progressed even more.

And quite frankly, they still could. Even at that very moment.

Michael was about to stand up and walk over to her when Cezar – or whatever his name was – had popped up pretty much out of nowhere. And if Lisa had been somehow aware of Michael’s presence up until that point, she had seemed to forget all about it the very moment that other guy had appeared. They had hugged tight, and the Cezar had leaned over, speaking right into her ear. Lisa’s eyes had widened and she had laughed.

Michael had frozen and had stayed perfectly still. He had remained sitting at the table for minutes on end, and the more time progressed, the more he felt his gut instinct poking at him. No, he wasn’t being paranoid. Lisa had something going on with that ginger guy at the bar. Or if nothing was happening right now, it surely had in the past.

It occurred to him that maybe she was somehow sending a message. It didn’t matter what had happened the night before. Her kissing him, holding him, getting lost in those moments – it did not matter. Perhaps it had happened out of habit, and she was now telling him without words that she was not interested in what he had to give her.

She was beautiful and sexy, she could have any man she wanted. Hell, the guy at the bar could end up in her bed, for all Michael knew.

An acidic aftertaste rose in his throat and he gulped down what remained of his wine. Well… She could do whatever she pleased, but he wouldn’t stay there witnessing it and making a fool out of himself again.

“Wayne… I’m tired. Let’s go back to the hotel.”

Instantly, Wayne rose and smoothed down his jacket.

“Alright, Michael. You want me to ask Miss Lisa if she wants to go back with us?”

Michael winced.

“No. She’s a big girl. She knows how to take care of herself… obviously.”

He didn’t notice Wayne’s eyes traveling across the hall and staring at Lisa for a moment. But he knew that his security guy was aware of their dynamics. Michael didn’t comment and never knew if she had seen them leaving.

Later that evening, Lisa stood in front of Michael’s door, at the Nosticova Palace.

She had been standing there for over five minutes now, not really knowing if she should knock and wait – hoping for him to open the darn door, or just go upstairs and enjoy her beautiful suite while forgetting all about him. Maybe she should just call it a night and spend some more time locked in there, completely alone.

Yeah… maybe she should do just that. She should learn to be on her own finally.

And yet, she didn’t move.

Earlier that evening, she had noticed Michael leaving the bar, at the Threshold, but she hadn’t found the guts to follow him. It had taken her about an hour to finally make up her mind, muster her courage and head back to the hotel, after speaking to Cezar. Even though she knew what Michael had been thinking, she just wasn’t in the mood to leave her old friend behind because her ex-husband needed to be reassured.

Also, Mike’s poker face must not have been that great, because at one point during their conversation even Cezar had noticed that something was wrong with him. And he had guessed what it was right away.

“Lisa Marie… I think your ex-husband is watching us.” He has sipped his beer. “Never mind. I am sure he is. He’s not being subtle at all. He doesn’t look pleased.”

Lisa didn’t even turn. She could feel Michael’s eyes on the nape of her neck with laser-like precision. No, he was being as openly annoyed as possible, indeed.

“Don’t worry about it. He’s just an inquisitive guy and thinks he’s stealthy…” She had given Cezar a dry laugh. “When he really is not. Not all the time, at least.”

It was true, obviously. But she was well aware that Michael had almost certainly misread the signs that her conversation with Cezar had been sending. That was why a part of her had to struggle not to go to him and tell him that he didn’t need to be jealous or miffed or… whatever he was at that moment. That nothing was going on between Cezar and her. Not anymore, at least. But again, why was she even supposed to care? She and Michael were no longer an item, and if he wanted to be jealous or possessive, that was his prerogative. Sure as hell, she didn’t have to justify her choices to him. Let alone the people she spoke to.

However, Michael did have a sixth sense of some sort. And even if he couldn’t really interpret what had been going on at the bar counter, he certainly had picked up that Cezar wasn’t a stranger to Lisa. Because he knew her, and it didn’t matter what he believed, he could still read her like an open book. Almost. And it didn’t even matter that meeting with the guy she had had an affair with was not something she had been planning at all.

When Cezar had appeared at the Threshold, Lisa had been beyond surprised. She had not been expecting to see him there – or at any other time in her life, really. They had parted ways in the most amicable way possible, after their little summer fling, and she was sure he hadn’t pined over her just like she hadn’t thought about him. But still, to see him pop up out of nowhere had left her stunned and slightly rattled.

Of course, Cezar had walked over to her with a big, happy smile on his face and had opened his arms, and she had hugged him. What else could she do? Of course, she would have preferred not to have him around while Michael was watching, but she was genuinely happy to see him, albeit a bit taken aback.

“What? You gotta be fucking kidding me! What the heck are you even doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Budapest, working your ass off in that shiny restaurant of yours?”

Cezar had laughed. He was unshaven and disheveled and looked tired. As usual.

“Not really. I took a few days off because honestly, I missed this place and wanted to see what was going on. And certainly I did want to be here for the grand opening.” He had stared at her with that little glint in his eyes that, at one point in time, she had found so endearing. “I have to say, I am not shocked to find you here, though.”

“Nothing seems to shock you.” Lisa had shrugged and then had ordered another beer. She needed some alcohol.

It was hard not to feel comfortable around Cezar. He was an easygoing guy, always in a good mood. Apart from being both genuinely funny, he and Michael couldn’t be more different. Michael was complex, mercurial, a kaleidoscope of multiple men at once – the artist, the philanthropist, the genius, the childlike nerd. But also the passionate, even kinky lover, the calm and empathetic father and stepfather, the shrewd businessman. He was shy yet daring, innocent yet wise, an old soul in the heart of a child. But he could also act hot and cold, be open and then aloof, vulnerable yet impenetrable. Detached and incapable of connecting when he was hurt. He could be jealous and exhausting. And yet it was impossible not to love him. Lisa knew that even too well.

Cezar, on the other hand, was uncomplicated, noncommittal. He had been the perfect guy to indulge in, the previous summer, when all she had needed was levity. Lightness. Lack of passion. He had made her feel beautiful and desirable, and she had loved to talk to him. She liked his Hungarian accent and his sophisticated English vocabulary. Ending up in bed with him had seemed the most natural conclusion of a moment in her life that was nothing but an island before she went back to the mainland.

But that had been pretty much it. And at the bar, when she had seen him again, she had not experienced the pull that had caused her to get closer to him months earlier. It was because Michael was around, and Lisa was aware of that. Whenever Michael appeared or reappeared, he was always the only star on the stage.

Apparently, Cezar had noticed too because, after a while, he had touched the subject.

“I gotta say that your Michael looks much better in person than he does on TV or tabloids.”

“Ah… yeah, I know.”

“Is he here with you because you guys got back together? You seem giddy.”

Lisa had frowned. Was she that transparent?

“I’m not giddy! In fact, I’m tired as fuck! And no, Michael and I haven’t gotten back together. He’s just here doing his thing, and I’m doing mine.”

“I see…” His lips an inch away from the rim of the glass, Cezar had studied her for a moment. “How do you feel about that?”

“About what?”

“About him being here. Sharing this space with you. I know for a fact that only a few months ago you would have kicked his ass, had he tried to reach out. Damn, you were mad at that guy.”

She had burst out laughing. Yeah, she had been beyond pissed… Cezar had a good memory.

“Things change. Mike and I spoke about what happened… and despite still being bad, it wasn’t as bad as I had initially thought. So it’s all good… Kinda.”

He had smiled.

“Yeah, I can tell. You look smitten. Just a bit.” He had laughed when she had playfully punched him, then had grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it, like an old-style gentleman. Like a friend. “Come on, don’t get mad. I say it as I see it, you know that. And there’s nothing wrong about you being in a much better place compared to last summer.”

Lisa had cleared her throat.

“I guess. What about you? Are you in a better place now?”

It was hard to forget how Cezar had been pining over his ex-wife months earlier. Just like Lisa had been pining over Michael. It hadn’t even felt weird, even though it had happened while she and Cezar were still in bed together. After having sex. The experience hadn’t been mind-blowing. Just comforting, reassuring, for both of them.

“I am. Believe it or not, Malika and I got back together last month… Crazy how things work out when you least expect it, huh? We’re finally back at being a family. And it’s beautiful.”

“Well, I’m so happy for you, Cez. I know how much you love her.”

“Yeah, I do. But I still think being apart for a while helped us get better as a couple… And as parents. Maybe that was what we needed. To be without one another just to appreciate what being together really means.”

Lisa had stayed quiet, her gaze dropping for a moment. She knew the feeling. A miniature version of it was probably what she had experienced when she and Michael had kissed after spending almost a year apart, the previous night. And she also knew that Cezar was right on the money when he had said that she was smitten. She almost hated herself for that. Lisa was much more aware of her own feelings than many people gave her credit for. The problem was that, through the years, she thought she had become pretty good at hiding them. Or at hiding from them. The outcome was always the same, as those feelings would eventually catch up, setting her ablaze. Burning her to the ground until she was nothing but ashes.

The conversation with Cezar had progressed, and it had become even clearer that they both had moved on from what had transpired between them months earlier. It had never been serious to begin with, and yet Lisa had felt a vague sense of quiet triumph knowing that Michael was miffed. It was sick, and it wasn’t healthy. She knew.

And yet, there was. Standing right in front of his door instead of being in her own bed, alone and asleep. Instead, she craved to see him. She needed to comfort him and make sure that he was okay – yet she didn’t want to do any of it. It was so weird to be at constant war with herself, but far from surprising. She and Michael were far from a resolved couple. And they certainly weren’t a couple at all, to tell the truth. Not anymore.

Then leave and forget all about him. It’s gonna be alright eventually. Besides, what if he’s in bed with another woman? Screwing the daylights out one of those girls who so obviously were devouring him with their eyes, at the Threshold…

Before she could even try to justify her own thoughts or answer her own questions, Michael opened the door slowly and leaned against the door frame. He just stood there, staring at her, as if he had known about her presence all along. Lisa took a second to regroup.

“Why did you open the door? I didn’t knock.”

Her snide remark didn’t seem to shake him one bit.

“I know you didn’t. Were you waiting for the butler to show up so you could steal my breakfast?” He glanced at his watch. “If that’s your plan, you’re early. Or late. He won’t be here for another seven hours or so.”

She rolled her eyes.

“My God, you’re such a fucking moron…”

“Maybe. But I have a damn good hearing.” His eyes narrowed and now she could tell that he was trying hard not to chuckle. Just like the previous night, when she had fallen in that park – face down in the snow. Maybe she had become a pathetic joke to him. “You should stop talking to yourself, Lise.”

Oh, had she? Well, unsurprising.

Blinking, Lisa noticed that Michael’s mood was… strange. He looked mildly amused, not really surprised to find her there, standing like a loon in front of his room in the middle of the night, but also vaguely irritated. He was often a concoction of a plurality of different, contrasting things.

“So… are you gonna let me in or what?”

He tilted his head, then shrugged his shoulders and moved away from the door frame. Faking a determination that she didn’t feel, she stepped into his suite and glanced around.

Her face distended. Despite Michael’s cutting remarks about her having the most beautiful room in the hotel, his place looked magnificent. Royal. Just like he did. It occurred to her that maybe he didn’t realize how fitting this suite was for him, with its golden decorations and sumptuous drapes and deep red textiles.

“Wow.”

“What?”

“I love your place.”

He didn’t comment and just closed the door. Lisa heard the lock turn and wondered if it was because he didn’t want to be disturbed or interrupted. And if so, why.

“I thought you were going to go back to your suite with your friend…” He spoke in a very casual manner as he walked over to the mini-bar, carefully assessing the elegant bottles, all neatly organized on a silver tray. “You sure looked like you were having fun.”

Lisa had to admire his direct approach. She had thought he would be dancing around the subject, while in fact he had moved straight for the kill. It became obvious that what he had witnessed had ruffled his feathers more than she had initially thought.

“I was.”

“Going back to your room with him?”

“Having fun…”

At first he didn’t comment. He just handed her a glass of wine and took a sip from his as he stood right in front of her, studying her face and her reactions.

Yeah. He was mad. She could tell. The emotion was there, in his eyes, despite the very calm and controlled expression on his face, despite the casual tone in his voice. She too tried to borrow some time and drank, taking a moment to just observe him. He had obviously taken a shower and now wore black athletic pants and his standard V-neck white shirt. His hair was still wet and down on his shoulders, even though shorter than usual. He was stubbly and smelled amazing. And he looked glorious without even realizing it.

“Then why didn’t you bring him back to your suite?”

She scoffed.

“Not everyone I talk to is someone I’m gonna fuck, Michael.”

“But you fucked him, right.”

It was supposed to be a question but it definitely didn’t sound like one. Michael’s sixth sense rarely missed the target, which was true in several departments. In retrospect, Lisa wished she had had just enough gut feeling in the past, when it still would have made a difference. Sadly, it was apparent that he was more proficient in that area than she would ever be.

“And you’re supposed to give a fuck, because…?”

He shrugged.

“I don’t. It’s not that we’re together or anything. I was just curious.”

Yeah, right.

She noticed that he was starting to sound cold, defensive. Way different from the nerdy, sweet, endearing guy that had kissed her like a madman only the night before. All of a sudden, she felt out of place and way out of her depth. Maybe deciding to see him hadn’t been a good idea. It occurred to her that perhaps what had happened in the park had been nothing but a spur-of-the-moment kinda thing for him, and then Michael had made up his mind and thought that she just wasn’t worth the effort.

The best thing was to leave it at that and go back to her room. Yet her feet felt rooted to the ground.

“It was nothing important. He’s adorable, but I’m not in love with him. I never was.”

“Then who are you in love with, Lisa Marie?”

Once again, his eyes studied her. She stayed quiet and stared at him defiantly. Her face remained calm. Inside, her soul screamed out at him.

You, stupid idiot. You. It’s you, the man I am in love with. It’s always been you. It will always be you.

“…Well?”

“I don’t think you and I are chummy enough to have this kind of conversation. It’s kinda private, don’t you think?”

“Then why are you even here? You wanted to make sure I was alone?”

“Oh, please. Get off that high horse. You wanna do one of the girls working for the organization? Go right ahead, Michael. They sure love you. And you’re as free as a bird.”

“Don’t you worry about that. You wanted to see if I was jealous?” He snorted. “I’m not. You can screw whoever you want.”

Lisa had to laugh, albeit bitterly.

“You’re such a fucking liar.” She crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. “You seem to forget that I know you. I could tell that you didn’t like what you were seeing.”

“See? That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t give a shit about what you do… or who you do. I just don’t like to be made feel like a complete ass. It’s very different.”

“Who made you feel like an ass?”

He exhaled a long breath and turned, walking back to the mini-bar to pour himself another drink. She knew that this conversation sounded old and worn-out, way too similar to countless others they had engaged in through the years. Were they really still there? At that stage where they couldn’t be together and yet couldn’t stand it, when the other seemed to step away?

“Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

Almost out of her own volition, Lisa followed him across the room. She found herself entranced by his back, by his broad shoulders. She recognized the warm feeling in her belly and she knew that she wanted him – so much that it began to hurt. As usual, irritation would morph into passion and sexual desire, with Michael. She needed to have her head checked, that much was clear.

“No, it does matter. So tell me! No need to throw a stone just to hide your hand just a second later.”

Michael turned and he was fuming. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. His eyes shimmered in the dim light of the room.

“You kissed me, okay?”

“No, I didn’t. You kissed me.”

He glared at her. He knew that they both had indulged in that intimate moment, the previous evening. What had happened was on both of them.

“Well, you let me kiss you.” He spoke the words very slowly, letting each and every one of them sink in. “You allowed me to kiss you and kissed me back as if it was the only thing that mattered. As if I still mattered something to you. And then today, you made it a point to ignore me as if I was some kind of nuisance.”

“What the heck are you even talking about? How did I ignore you if I’m right here, in front of you?”

Her heart screamed out at her to tell him that he wasn’t a nuisance. He could never be. He was the only man she truly wanted. But her pride – and his behavior – obfuscated her ability to truly express herself without any filter.

Michael didn’t seem intentioned to relent either. He set his jaw.

“Oh, you have been ignoring me, alright. And you know what, I wonder why you now stopped doing it. Did your friend stand you up eventually? Told you that he wasn’t interested anymore?”

“Fuck you. You have no right to judge me. You’re such a bastard… You obviously take pleasure in belittling me.”

Lisa’s words were hissed and imbued with pure venom, but also accompanied by a suddenly vulnerable expression that she knew she had not been able to hide quickly enough. And when Michael noticed, it made him stop abruptly. His eyes narrowed.

“You told me it was over and the flirted with another man for me to watch. But you being here tells me that you don’t really think it’s over at all. Not all the way, at least. So tell me why you’re here. Just be fucking honest with me!”

She recoiled as if he had slapped her. Even though he had never, ever laid a finger on her. He was not that kind of guy. She recoiled because his raw reaction disarmed her.

“I came here because I wanted to make sure you were okay. I admit it. I knew what you were thinking earlier, at the bar, and I did nothing to make you believe otherwise. I don’t want you to think that… you know… just stuff that isn’t true.” She shook her head. “And so… Nothing. I guess eventually I had to come here and see you, and talk to you.”

“Why? Why was it so important to see me tonight?”

Why indeed?

“Because I can’t stop thinking about you, okay. And I hate myself for that because it fucking scares the holy Jesus out of me and I don’t want to be scared. There’s a part of me that keeps telling me that I gotta keep you at a distance, that I gotta pretend you aren’t even here so that I can keep doing all the shit that I’m here to do. But the truth is…” She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “…That it’s too hard at times. I can’t function when you’re around me and I can’t function when you’re gone. I want you to take a plane back to Los Angeles and I yet I don’t want you to leave. And last night… When we kissed… I felt free… and imprisoned at the same time. I hate how much I love the way you make me feel when you’re…”

She shook her head again, words suddenly vanishing, like dust.

“When I’m what…”

Michael’s voice had become a husky whisper. He was back at being calm, but she could tell that he had been completely unprepared to face her outburst of utter, undiluted honesty. He was shocked and fully alert. And she could understand his confusion because all this was just as convoluted for her as it was for him. Thoughts and words and feelings coming and going, hiccuping through her like a malfunctioning engine. So much for being rational and level-headed. Around Michael, she always felt high.

“When you’re open… and vulnerable. When you make me believe that I mean something to you…”

He frowned, then his forehead distended and his face took a pained expression.

“You mean something to me…” He stepped closer to her. “You mean more than you’ll ever believe.”

“And yet we don’t function. You and I, we just don’t work.”

“Then why are you here? Because you want me to leave?” He cocked his head and stared at her intently. “Should I leave, Lisa? Would it make you feel better if I took that plane back to Cali tomorrow, first thing in the morning?”

No! Don’t leave. Don’t ever leave me again.

Lisa felt like crying and stubbornly swallowed those tears back. She would not be a crybaby right in front of him. He already had seen her cry way too many times. And she, him. Besides, now that she was being forced to face the most obvious question, she didn’t really know how to answer. She had gone to his room just to make sure that he wasn’t mad at her. And yet, she had lashed out at him when she had found out that he was – all the while hoping that he would just shut her up in that way that would always make the rest of the world disappear.

“No, I know how much you care about this project. I would never take it away from you just because I can’t deal with having you around.”

His eyes narrowed.

“Is that why you want me to stay? Because I like the project?”

“Yeah, that too…” She had to avert her gaze. “You looked happy today… Peaceful.”

And she had just about melted just by looking at him spray-painting those damn walls. Wanting so much to be the reason why he felt that way.

“That too? What else?”

She couldn’t reply to that. Somehow, he already had his answer. Maybe the penny hadn’t dropped yet, or perhaps he genuinely was clueless, but she just couldn’t go there. Not again. She couldn’t tell him she didn’t want him to leave because she still loved having him around. Even though it scared her. He petrified her. That was her damnation and maybe it had nothing to do with him.

Michael straightened his stance and sighed.

“I don’t know how we can fix this, Lisa. You’re not making so much sense right now. I think it’s best if we call it a night and-”

“I need a middle ground. And maybe… just maybe… you do too.”