Chapter 10

“In Rome, the statues, in Paris the paintings, and in Prague the buildings suggest that pleasure can be an education.”
–Caleb Crain

The very next day, Wayne knocked on the door of Lisa’s suite around ten in the morning. As she walked over to the foyer, she could only hope she didn’t look like someone who felt sore all over and had barely slept, which was exactly what had happened. After all, she had been fucked good for pretty much the entire night, in a whirlwind of lust she had been utterly unable to escape. And the last time had been especially sexy, and hot, and dirty. Michael had seemed intent to remind her – and himself – what they had been missing and why they functioned so well together. As lovers – and nothing else.

And it wasn’t even that she hadn’t attempted to leave his room. She had. In fact, after their little conversation in bed, and before things progressed into red-hot territory once again, Lisa had somehow managed to pull away from him. She had sat up, ready to say goodbye to him – at least for that night and with extreme difficulty anyway.

“Lise…”

His voice was a caress. It had swirled all around her and had permeated her brain cells like a siren’s song. Or triton, in his case.

“What…” She had stared down at her own hands, tormenting the bedsheet still half-covering her naked body. Her back was turned to him – her last attempt at protecting herself from the onslaught that leaving Michael would always entail.

“Where are you going? It ain’t day yet…”

She had felt his warm hands on her back, his fingertips skimming over her shoulder blades, then down her spine. His touch had made her shiver.

“Yeah, I know… but maybe we should both try to rest for a bit… we got so much stuff to do during the day, still…”

Michael had moved, coming to kneel behind her back. His hair had tickled her skin as his lips kissed her shoulder, her neck, her cheek. When he had spoken again, his voice had almost sounded like a baritone. Deep, velvety and inescapable.

“But I’m not tired yet… And you aren’t either, I can tell…” One more kiss on her neck. “…I know how you get when you’re sleepy and gotta be tuckered in… This ain’t the case at all… But if you wanna rest up, maybe we can take a shower and relax for a bit…”

Of course, he was right when he had said that she was not in the mood for sleep at all. Every thought of leaving his room had evaporated right then and there, when her silence had spoken volumes. Michael had just scooped her up and had started walking to the bathroom. After all, what was a woman supposed to do while facing sheer, heavenly temptation? Sex was good, but with Michael, it was addictive.

And so Lisa had stayed. She had once again allowed him to take her from behind, standing up in the shower this time. He had been rougher in his play on that occasion, and she knew that it was because he was frustrated. He didn’t like it when she withdrew from him, when she checked out emotionally – despite often being the one who couldn’t be reached in that department. Well… Lisa hoped that her physical reactions and the quality of her kisses, the way she had held his body against her during the act and even afterward, when they were done, had at least managed to reassure him just a bit. As far as she was concerned, when she had noticed the marks he had left on her skin where his stubble had scraped her, she hadn’t even cared. In fact, she had found it endearing. She had found it sexy. And of course, she hadn’t told him.

Despite Michael’s insistence, eventually she had left his room a little after five in the morning. Staying would have been dangerous, because after loving her that way in the shower, he had taken her in his arms and brought her back to his bed. And then he had snuggled up close, stroking her hair and sighing contently, seriously threatening to melt away the ice she needed to protect her heart. That was what Lisa needed to pay special attention to. It didn’t matter how many hardships she and Michael could face, and how many battles they had already lost. When he acted like that, it was because he wanted to remind her that they were it. They were that special, once-in-a-lifetime thing, regardless of their mistakes and struggles. Regardless of their flaws.

That was why she needed to go. The last thing she needed was to fall asleep next to him, be awakened by his kisses, to have breakfast with him. That was definitely couple stuff, not lovers stuff. And so, eventually and half-heartedly, she had once again withdrawn from his arms and had gotten out of the bed. Then she had once again told him that she thought vacating the premises was the best solution, given their deal.

“Our deal?”

Sitting up in bed, still naked and his hair a mess, Michael had looked at her with a quizzical look on his face. God, he was so damn handsome. And he looked definitely more relaxed than he had just hours earlier, albeit a bit tired. The idea of being the one responsible for that pleasurable exhaustion had almost made her smile. It had almost made her stay.

Needing to distract herself from the feeling, Lisa had glanced over at her bra. It was still on the floor, where he had carelessly thrown it after peeling it off her. Shaking her head, she had decided to ignore it and instead had put on her t-shirt.

“Yeah… You know, our middle ground. That thing we talked about earlier. We do our thing and then, when we’re done, we… vacate the premises.”

“Oh… Our thing…” Michael had scratched his long sideburn and had kept watching her intently as she got dressed. “That thing. Got it.”

She had noticed that he was staring at her with an odd look on his face and had smirked.

“Yeah, that thing.” She had almost felt her skin tingle where his eyes touched her. “What’s with the staring, by the way… There’s nothing here you haven’t seen before.”

“Well, but I hadn’t seen them goodies in a while.” He had laughed, a bit bitterly, then had gotten serious again. “So turn around now, baby girl. I wanna watch.”

She had stopped mid-track, recognizing the sudden drop in his voice. The demanding tone. She had taken a deep breath and, of course, had complied. Shit… she really needed to leave.

“You wanna watch me while I get dressed?”

He had cocked his head to the side.

“I’d rather prefer to watch you get naked again, but… I guess this will have to do. For now.” His eyes had moved over to the bra that she had abandoned near the bed. “Aren’t you putting that back on?”

“I’m more comfortable this way. And I think you broke the hook anyway.”

“Sorry about that…”

He hadn’t looked in the least sorry and, once again, Lisa had decided to steer the conversation back on more fruitful matters.

“But I can’t find my thong, and I need it.”

He had smiled, ever so slightly, then had reached under the sheets and had extracted her panties. He had raised his eyebrow.

Lisa had laughed.

“Don’t you dare!”

Biting his lip, Michael had brought the skimpy garment up to his face and had inhaled deeply. He was nuts! And her heart had soared, flying straight in his direction. Then, trying hard to circumvent the danger for the umpteenth time that night, she had jumped on the bed and had snatched the thing from his hand.

“Give it to me! God… You’re such a perv!”

It had been his turn to burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry. I just love the scent of your-”

“Stop it! And stop stalling me. I gotta go.” Quickly, she had put on her panties and then, despite pretending to be in a hurry, she had done that little show she knew he had once loved so much. She had wiggled her hips as she pulled up her jeans. “I need another shower. And then I wanna sleep for a bit. I’m fucking exhausted.”

Michael had sighed and then had interlaced his fingers behind his head.

“Alright then. Hey, Lise… I was just thinking… Why don’t you come with me, later today?”

“Where?”

“I told you, I still gotta go visit several families… and I would love for you to be with me. Maybe this is something we can do together, you know… Just like in the good old times… Just you and me, Lisa Marie.”

She had eyed him suspiciously, trying to guess if he was being serious or not. But he didn’t look like he was bullshitting her one bit.

“Why?”

“Why? Because we were always great when we did charity together. And we love doing it. So… why not?”

Why not, indeed. And that was precisely why Wayne was there, now. Knocking on her door, ready to escort her to the car where Michael was waiting. Lisa’s heart jumped in her chest and she wondered if she was ready to see her ex-husband again so soon after what had happened.

But she had said yes, after all. She had agreed that she would be by his side as he visited those families. Just like in the good ole days. She couldn’t backtrack now, and maybe… Well, maybe she didn’t even want to.

Be honest. At least with yourself. You can’t wait to see him and find out if he’s affected by all this just as much as you are.

No, that was bullshit. She wasn’t affected at all. Her body was just sore, that was all.

She opened the door and there was Wayne, looking as cool as a cucumber. She couldn’t even blame the man, given that he had been around even when she and Michael ran after one another all over the world. Traveling together, sharing suites, being obviously lovers. Their affair was sort of secret, but torrid anyway – and clear as day for everyone around them. This wasn’t Wayne’s first rodeo and he was totally unruffled by it.

“Good morning, Miss Presley.”

Lisa straightened her stance and hoped to look just as collected and casual.

“Hi, Wayne. How are you doing? It’s a beautiful day, don’t you think?”

He glanced out of the window at the opposite side of the hall.

“Yes, I love the snow. Are you ready to go? Michael is waiting for you in the car.”

“Sure. Absolutely. Just let me get my purse and we’re all set.”

Lisa grabbed her purse and followed him toward the elevator. They waited quietly for a few seconds until they heard the “ding” and the doors opened with a gentle whistling sound.

Wayne motioned for her to step in first, then entered the elevator and stood by her side. Complete silence followed for a handful of seconds.

The elevator was a bit of a vintage specimen. It was beautiful and carefully decorated, but also quite slow and lazy. It gave Lisa and this longtime security guy – who would always pretend to not see anything while in fact he saw everything – all the time to get almost uncomfortable.

He cleared his throat.

“The boss was in a great mood this morning.”

“Oh, was he?” She kept staring right ahead and felt her cheeks warm up. Damn. Of course Mr. Pissy was suddenly all relaxed and content. Sure as heck she had worked very hard to drag him out of his rotten mood, the night before.

All of a sudden, she wondered where Michael’s security detail slept. If they had heard what had happened the previous night, ‘cause sure as fuck she and Mike hadn’t been quiet at all. Their lovemaking, as it typically happened after a long time apart, hadn’t been slow and hadn’t been gentle – at least for the most part.

“Yes. I think he really enjoys this project, you know… And certainly he’s delighted you too are here in Prague. Doing this thing with him.”

Delighted? This “thing”?

She tried to detect if Wayne was implying something else with that statement and glanced up at him quickly. Was there was any underlying message in his apparently innocent words? Her eyes narrowed when she noticed nothing. His face was a calm, even mask, just like his voice. Maybe he was just being honest. She knew that he cared about his boss after all.

“Yeah… I wasn’t expecting to find him here either.”

“You soothe him. That’s why he always feels better when you’re around.”

The elevator doors opened again and Wayne cleared his throat, walking out first. Whatever tiny moment of confidence they had been sharing was over, and yet Lisa was left with a warm feeling spreading from her chest up to her throat. Her eyes burned and she tried to blink the sensation away. She soothed him? Still? For real? If even Wayne had noticed, then maybe it was because it was apparent. Then why did she feel blind to it? Of course, she knew that she and Michael had good chemistry and that their robust lovemaking sessions significantly affected his overall well-being. Still, other than that, she doubted there was something she could do to make him feel good.

Yet Wayne was also trained to notice everything about Michael – every tiny little detail. That was what he was paid for. Which meant that maybe his assumption meant something and he could see things from a perspective that was foreign to her.

Wondering how she would be able to face the man she was trying so hard to forget she was still in love with, Lisa walked toward the car where Michael had been waiting for her.

Michael’s fingertips itched and he began fidgeting in his seat the very moment he spotted Lisa walking over to the car.

God damn it! Why in the world did he feel like that? As if he was a teenager and this was his first date or something? He had known that woman for so many years, and had made love to her countless times, in every conceivable way. This was nothing new, it was just a car drive.

And yet it felt new, almost foreign to what he had experienced up until that point. He realized that he was nervous, that he anticipated seeing her, even though he knew that not much would come out of it.

His heart had broken a little when she had left, earlier that morning. She had been all snug and cozy in his arms up until a few seconds earlier, on the verge of falling asleep, but then it had been as if some intrusive thought had bolted her awake. She had seemed startled and alarmed. Of course, through the years Lisa had become a pro at playing this game and she had quickly regained her composure, becoming cool and a bit sarcastic as she got dressed, but she couldn’t fool him. Michael knew that she had left because she was scared of emotional intimacy – because physical proximity was already dangerous enough and he knew how they both had felt while holding each other, after having sex. And although he too was fearful, and her going back to her room was the most rational thing to do, his heart still had cried out to her.

Besides, just a moment before she sat up and got out of bed, he had been about to start making love to her again. Or at least that had been his intention. As usual, the old fever had returned the moment he had been able to lay his hands on her. He had kissed her and she had responded and, when he had removed the bed sheets and found her skin, his body had reawakened immediately. Despite his mild, soft public persona, Michael loved sex and yet, in the past year, he had only vaguely found himself enticed by all the women swarming around him.

But not Lisa. With Lisa all was different, as usual. He had craved her so much since he had fallen in love with her, and he still did.

More than anything else, however, he wanted to see her and find out if she too was affected by what had happened and to what extent. He had to admit that asking her to join him for the day had been a stroke of genius. That way, he would be able to kill two birds with one stone – metaphorically speaking, of course. He would have all Lisa for himself for the entire day and, at the same time, the ginger guy wouldn’t have the chance to maybe rekindle the old flame.

Lisa opened the car door without waiting for the driver to do it for her. As usual. The light noise suddenly pulled Michael out of his thoughts, and their eyes met.

God. In the clear light of day, under that blue, cloudless sky, Lisa’s eyes looked like two pools of perfect water. Everything else about her looked just as good. It was another reminder that a solid night of lovemaking always gave her that glowing spark. It didn’t matter how tired she was the morning after. He tried very hard to ignore the pride he felt for one hot second.

“Hey…”

He hoped she hadn’t noticed that he was just a tiny bit breathless. He sure would pretend that his heart hadn’t just expanded in his chest just like something else had grown in his pants.

“Hi, Michael…”

She let herself fall into the seat and closed the door, effectively shutting the sunshine out and almost blinding him. He let his eyes get used to the dim light of the car, blinking, and heard her huff.

“Lise… Are you okay?”

“I’m exhausted. And just so damn cranky. I didn’t even have the time for a fucking coffee.”

“How come? It’s past ten.”

“Well, I was asleep up until nine fifty-nine, and then I had to throw myself into the shower and then Wayne arrived and…”

Michael pushed a little button on the car door, and the cabin lit up. When Lisa squinted, he smiled. Then handed her the breakfast he had gotten ready for her in one of those cute carton cups she loved.

“Here. For you.”

She stopped mid-track and her lips parted. She wasn’t expecting that, and the pleasure he got from being able to still surprise her made him feel in a way that was hard to describe. It was like having a warm ball of… something getting bigger and bigger in his chest. It was weird, yet so pleasurable.

She reached out and took the carton cup from his hand without a word. Their fingers touched ever so slightly, and then it was over.

Quietly, Michael observed her as she took a sip from the cup. Then she grimaced, pulling back as if she had been burned.

“Too hot?”

“Yuck! What in God’s name is this abomination?”

He had to laugh. It just came out like that, very naturally, and it seemed to break the ice because Lisa too smiled, even though she still looked a tiny bit grossed out.

“Michael…? Are you trying to poison me or what?”

Still chuckling, he took the cup from her hand and smelled its content.

“What are you talking about? It’s ginger tea. It’s delicious and perfect to increase energy and attention. I thought you would need it.”

She eyed him suspiciously, likely understanding the unspoken message – and probably thinking that he was way too arrogant given the situation. Yeah, maybe so, but still… This was more fun than he had expected.

“I don’t drink spicy stuff this early in the morning.”

Michael placed a hand right over his heart.

“Oh, right…! My bad. OK then. Here…” Reaching out, he took another cup from the little cabinet. “Standard coffee? Black and sugary?”

Lisa seemed to relax and this time her little smirk looked way more unguarded.

“Isn’t that for you?”

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind sharing.”

Their eyes met and hers became so very soft for a moment. Everything stopped to exist for just that very minute. The car moving through Prague, the sun rays touching them through the glass windows and reflecting themselves on the iced snow, the driver and Wayne sitting in the front seat. Right then and there, Michael and Lisa were completely alone.

“Well… OK, then. Thank you.”

He just nodded his head slightly and watched her as she drank her coffee, knowing well that there would probably be none left for him. It didn’t matter. He hadn’t slept at all after she had left his room and that cup would have been been his third anyway, so…

“So, where are we going?”

“Well…” Michael reached into his pocket and extracted the little note Jaroslav had written down for him. “We got several stops today. Vestec… Ricany… Roz…” He squinted his eyes. “Roztoky… and then we’re going back to Prague to meet the last family that will move to the sanctuary in the next couple of days… It’s gonna be great, Lise.”

“Alright. So… I take it these are all families?”

“Some of them. Others are just single moms with kids. In Ricany we’ll meet a young woman… She’s about twenty and pregnant and needs a place to stay. Her baby daddy is gone, so… I guess it depends on the circumstances.”

“I see…” Lisa put the cup down. Just like he had expected, it was empty. “Mike… why did you want me here today?”

Ah… That was the million-dollar question he was not sure he had an answer to. He very well knew that they kinda had skimmed over the subject the previous night, but he hadn’t elaborated much.

“I told you… Because we’re both good at doing charity.”

“Yes, but you’re a master at that. You’ve been doing charity work for your entire life… You don’t need me to be with you to do this thing.”

His eyes narrowed and he tried to study her reaction. What was she trying to prove? Or tell him? That she wanted to be somewhere else? That she thought he had invited her to join him out of some sort of obligation? The first option was absolutely out of the realm of possibilities, because the times when Lisa would do something for him despite not really wanting it were long gone. The latter was simply false.

“Have you ever thought that maybe I just want to do it with you because you’re… well, you?” He realized that, right now, he couldn’t bring himself to look at her and his gaze fell on his own hands, entwined in his lap. He felt shy. Vulnerable. “Because I do. Yesterday I wished you were there with me for the whole time… So that you could see with your own eyes another face of this thing you have been doing with such commitment.”

And because…

“And because doing my job with you by my side always gave me more pleasure than doing it on my own.”

It was true. When they had divorced and he had resumed traveling all over the world, visiting hospitals and orphanages without her, it had felt different. How he had loved to have her by his side, to see her interact with people. How in complete sync with her he had felt in those moments. Those times had solidified his belief that Lisa was indeed the right woman for him. They had boosted his faith in her and in both of them as a couple. That was why he had never brought anybody else with him after Lisa. Or before her, for that matter.

In the periphery of his view, he saw her move her hand. She reached over and covered his hands with her own smaller one. The contact thrilled him because it was genuine and unexpected. She had understood, and it was important to him that she did. He didn’t want her to remember this moment as anything less than what it really was: another way to reconnect. Regardless of the outcome of this parenthesis in their lives, these days had to be – and could be – as perfect as possible. As a former couple, they were already stacked with bad memories, especially related to recent times.

“Then I’m happy to be by your side.” She found his fingers and squeezed them. “Thank you for telling me, Mike…”

Her voice stroked him like a caress.

Her mind was all over the place, and her heart was too. Deep down, she knew she should have said no to his offer and shouldn’t have been with him for an entire day. Scratch that – she shouldn’t have gotten closer to him at all, and definitely shouldn’t have spent a whole night allowing him to do to her whatever he pleased. And yet she needed nothing more than the same thing to happen again once they finally reached the Nosticova Palace. It didn’t matter how much she needed to rest after over ten hours straight spent driving from one place to the next.

The day with Michael had been… illuminating, to say the least. And before afternoon, it had already turned into a ticking bomb ready to explode in her chest at any given moment. Right now, as they finally drove back to the city center and the hotel, Lisa was exhausted and wired like it hadn’t happened in a very long time. Keeping her eyes closed and pretending to sleep was possibly the best decision she had made since she had met Michael again in Prague.

She recognized what he had said earlier that morning just as much as she knew what he had paid attention to not say. The implications of his words and his silence had swirled in the air like butterflies, filling her eyes and mind with memories from the past – another dangerous weapon. And then there were other memories… those of feeling him against her. Inside her, his naked skin touching her. His lips, his kisses.

Michael had been the perfect gentleman for the entire day. He was focused, committed to what he was doing, and doing it to the best of his possibilities. He had listened to those people, talked to them in that soft, intimate way she had always found so incredibly charming. So incredibly honest. He had heard them tell him the stories of their lives and not once he had spaced out.

And Lisa knew that she had been pretty good too. And yet at times, when they were in the car, she had hoped for him to do something, anything. To kiss her, maybe. To talk about what had happened the night before.

But no, as usual Michael had been able to surprise her. He was far from a predictable man, and yet she knew him better than pretty much everyone else. She had seen all of him. The good and the bad. And she had loved him intensely, exactly for the man that he was, flaws and all. Still, she had not been able to predict his behavior today. Part of her had been convinced that he wanted her around so that he could keep an eye on her – and so that she couldn’t be with Cezar.

It was probably true, but there was also something else. So much more than that. It was all in what Michael had told her earlier that morning, when they had left the hotel.

“Yesterday I wished you were there with me and see with your own eyes another face of this thing you have been doing with such commitment.”

Cool. Well, she had been there, and yet it looked like he had nothing to say at all. However, he looked like a man who had plenty of stuff to think about. His eyes were fixed on the dark road outside the car window and he seemed to be miles away. Was he OK? What was going through his mind?

Lisa stared at him for a moment.

“Hey… are you alright?”

Blinking, Michael turned and looked back at her. His eyes softened.

“Yeah. I was just thinking about the day.”

She couldn’t really read his expression.

“…And…?”

Shaking his head lightly, he reached out and took her hand.

“It pains me to realize how people can be thrilled to be given what should be theirs by right.”

She stayed quiet, just chewing on the inside of her cheek. Her hand resting on the car seat, limp in Michael’s. He was right, and the same thought had flashed through her mind several times during the day.

The families that would be moving to the Threshold had very little in the best-case scenario, or nothing at all – because everything had been taken away from them. Some of them just lived on the fringes of society because they were born in the wrong place, some others had ended up there because of bad luck or circumstances that had very little to do with them. Losing their jobs, their caretakers, their houses, their money out of events they would have never been able to predict. All those people had something in common: they needed – and deserved – a chance to start again. But in order to do so, they did need something that should have been theirs by right… right from the start: a decent place to live. Food to nourish their bodies and spirit, a comfortable bed to sleep in, the ability of not being constantly on edge, too worried about surviving to truly resume living to the full extent of their existence.

One of the families they had met earlier that day had especially struck Lisa. A young father and his daughter, who she and Michael had met at a local church because they didn’t have a place to stay and would sleep on the street, freezing under a bridge, every damn night. The father had lost his job and all his money as he took care of his wife, who was sick and eventually had passed away. He and the kid had ended up having absolutely nothing. Evicted from their house, with no place to stay. Counting on some local associations for their meals. Lisa was glad they would now have a new home, because without a safe shelter, how could anyone even think about pulling themselves together? The chance to start again came from within, first and foremost.

On a couple of occasions, while the man was talking about his and his daughter’s lives, Lisa had found herself fighting the urge to get up and leave for a bit, just to breathe some fresh air and not start crying right in front of them. Feeling very stupid, too, because if anything, that little family had all the reasons in the world to be hopeless and distraught, mistrusting and bitter. And they were not. They were happy and excited. They were grateful for the occasion, the “good luck” that had finally struck, as they would call it.

Time and time again she had glanced over at Michael, just glowing in the reflection of his complete peace and openness to everything that was coming his way. She knew it hurt him, whenever he would meet people who were in pain, but also that his peace of mind came from the certainty of not just being a witness to their suffering, but an active part of its resolution. He would welcome that pain, make him is, and ease it. She had always venerated his state of mind in that regard, and his absolute determination in making a difference in people’s lives. Michael, who was born having very little, would never fuss about sharing with others what he had earned with so much work, sweat and blood. Nothing of what he built in his life had come for free, yet he was willing to give it all away because he genuinely thought that everyone else, anyone really, deserved help and compassion. He had been spending his entire life holding out his hand to anyone who needed it.

How could she not admire him?

The truth was that Lisa had never really realized the importance of doing this type of thing until she had begun doing them with Michael. And despite all their issues as a couple, she would always be grateful to him for that. For making her see the world through his eyes. She would always maintain, feel and believe that he truly was one of the nicest people she had ever met in her life.

“I know. However, all that matters is that they have it now. It’s a starting point – and they’re gonna make good use of it. Or so I hope, at least…”

Michael scanned her face, his eyes narrowing.

“You thinking about someone in particular?”

She just scoffed, and he smiled ever so slightly. She could tell that he had easily guessed her thoughts.

“The Faragos will be fine, Lisa. Both Andor and little Jolan.”

Yeah… He was thinking about the same people, apparently. This time, she did move her hand. Turning it, until she was able to intertwine her fingers with Michael’s. She exhaled a sigh.

“You think so? You really think they’re gonna make it?”

He too took a deep breath.

“Yeah, I do. I have faith in the goodness that people have inside their hearts. I know it’s there.”

God… That was just so… Michael. Lisa glanced up, almost rolling her eyes, fearing she would become emotional. What the fuck was wrong with her?

The truth was that, as much as she had worked her ass off on this project, she had never really talked with the people who would inhabit the place that she had contributed to creating. Not until now, at least. And maybe it was because the past year had been such an emotional roller-coaster for her, that she had never really thought about doing it until Michael had wanted her by his side. She had taken an interest in the Threshold because she wanted to help others, but also because she needed help herself.

All of a sudden, all her issues seemed silly and unimportant compared to what so many other people went through every single day of their lives. Experiences like the one she was living now surely were humbling in a very healthy way. They reminded her that she had very little for which she couldn’t be grateful. And even this thing she was living with Michael now, when she had thought whatever they had was gone… Now, just like that, felt and tasted different. Her emotional detachment could only go so far, and she realized that she couldn’t always pretend that she didn’t care about him beyond having him inside of her. She did care.

“Hey, Mike… I was just thinking… I never asked you about your divorce.”

The moment she said the words, she realized that they held so much truth. Of course, she knew that Michael and Debbie had finally ended their business arrangement the previous October, but she had never really wondered how he felt about that. After the events in Paris, any hope of having Michael come back and rebuild the solid foundations of their love, let alone propose again, had utterly abandoned Lisa. And everything else had just vanished into the shadow of her heartbreak. Well… she was better now. She could face this. Maybe she could face more things than she gave herself credit for.

“And I know I should have. I should’ve asked you how you feel about that, if it was painful, or something you wanted or…” She shook her head. “…Or whatever.”

Michael’s gaze dropped and he seemed to become pensive.

“You know very well it was something I wanted.” He stayed quiet for so long that Lisa began thinking that he wouldn’t speak again. “It should never have been a marriage to begin with, but it was – somehow. It’s always been something beyond my control, so I wasn’t hurt that it was finally over… Not happy, but certainly relieved. I only wished so many things were different.”

He didn’t elaborate and she didn’t ask. She had become braver, but not that brave.

“Lise…” He gently squeezed her hand. “…I’m so glad you were with me today. So, so happy. Thank you for being here.”

“No… Thank you for inviting me.”

She didn’t really know what else to say. She had noticed the slight shift in his mood – from sorrowful and meditative when talking about Deborah to slightly tired and relieved when going back to today’s events.

Something moved inside of her, and the shrapnels cut her even deeper when he gently kissed the back of her hand, before turning back to observe the road once again.

What had saddened Michael the most about his divorce from Debbie was that it hadn’t been followed by a new beginning with Lisa. On the contrary, the previous October had been one of the most challenging times to be away from her, to the point that he had been this close to calling her on a couple of occasions. Possibly ready to deliver an excuse that was identical to the one he had pulled out right after they had broken up for the first time, years earlier: that he really wanted them to be on good terms and that he missed her friendship.

Which was true, by the way. Only, Lisa’s closeness as a friend wasn’t the only thing he missed. However, he hadn’t called her and not because he was mad at her. Quite the opposite. He had just stayed put in fear that she would misinterpret her words, maybe thinking that his was nothing but a way to blindside her and jump into her bed again.

Michael had felt he had become way too old for that shit. He genuinely didn’t want to hurt Lisa anymore and he had guessed that staying away was probably the best option.

And now everything had changed once again. He and Lisa had gone from checking in on one another over the phone to fucking like rabbits, and that only a few days after bumping into each other again. They would just never learn.

That was why it wasn’t bad that they had shared something different today. Something that didn’t need to be done in secret and in the privacy of their hotel rooms. If whatever relationship they had was bound to become strained again, if they would progressively walk away from each other the moment this trip to Prague was over, then he was glad that they had built memories that didn’t begin and end inside the bedroom. Even though having her in his bedroom was what he also craved at the moment.

Slow down, champ. What happened in Paris isn’t something she had forgotten, you know? It doesn’t matter how rational she was in accepting your explanation. Or how calm and composed her reaction was. You know her. You know what makes her tick. That shit hurt her, and you gotta remember that. So, yeah… So much for not wanting to break her heart anymore…

Indeed…

Staring outside the car window was likely the best thing he could do for Lisa at the moment. Especially after noticing how open she had been in asking him about Debbie. Had he given her the right answer? Because God forgive him, at times he thought he had never responded to her the way she expected him to. Of course, he could have told her the truth, which was that at times he felt his life would end up spiraling out of control without her by his side, but what good did it make to reveal his very personal, very private, very jarring epiphanies to a woman who so obviously was trying to protect herself?

Probably, it was best if they each went to their own room, at least for tonight. Michael didn’t want her to think that what they had been doing was just sex, even though they both were playing the same game. Pretending that it was nothing but that, even though – no matter what – it would always be something more.