Chapter 12

“The streets of Prague were a fantasia scarcely touched by the twenty-first century—or the twentieth or nineteenth, for that matter. It was a city of alchemists and dreamers, its medieval cobbles once trod by golems, mystics, invading armies. ”
–Laini Taylor

Nostalgia for what could have been in different circumstances. That was all he felt while his eyes – and mind – kept getting distracted by Lisa’s mere sight.

It was late in the afternoon and Michael was at the shelter, helping Jaro organize a series of events scheduled for the following months. At that point, of course, Michael and Lisa’s little trip to Prague would be over, but he still wanted to help. Jaro seemed to care a lot about Michael’s opinion about pretty much everything, and they had developed a friendship that probably would last way beyond the scope of this project. Regardless, Michael had already planned to keep in touch with him and Dana, just to make sure to always be up to date about how things at the Threshold progressed. In the case they needed anything, he would be more than happy to fly back to Europe and help them out again.

He truly cared about this thing, way more than he would have ever imagined. And it wasn’t because he had physically worked on it or donated his money for it. It was something much more profound than that. The place in itself truly was magical, and Prague had also become the setting for events that he wouldn’t have fathomed at all when he had left Los Angeles. Maybe that was also part of Michael’s increasingly growing affection for this small, secluded, parallel world.

Things felt about as magical as watching Lisa sitting down on that bright pink plush carpet near the Christmas tree, in the playroom that had been set up in the main building, and play with those kids. Handing out colored scarfs, fluffy hats and cute little gloves to better face the winter in Prague. The children’s age spanned from probably three to about eight or nine, and they were there with their families. Some were simply guests and would be leaving later that evening. However, most of them would live in this place from now on because, just like Dana and Jaroslav had promised, the resident families were starting to arrive. Right on time for the grand opening, which was only a few days away. Two, to be precise. And then the next day, on Sunday, Michael and Lisa would go back to Los Angeles, right on time for Christmas.

It was all so very bittersweet. On the one hand, Michael missed his own kids and wanted to be with them, but on the other hand, he wanted to stay right where he was. In this place, with this woman, pretending that what they had was perfect and immutable. Pretending that they still were what they had once been to each other and she was still his.

On a side note – he was proud of how he had been able to handle Lisa’s little outburst, earlier that morning. His ex-wife had tried to throw him out of her super-dapper suite after spending the night clinging to his body as if it was it was paramount to her survival, whispering stuff into his ear that she would never say out loud in the bright light of day, allowing him to explore every corner and curve of her beautiful frame. Did she really think he would fall for that? Hell to the no!

Well, to be honest, at first her behavior had miffed him to no end, and he had been this close to just walking out of that door and never coming back. But then, as he still tried to figure out how to react to her words, he had realized something much more important than his temporary irritation. What Lisa had been showing him was nothing but a facade. It was a bluff. She was trying to distance herself from him because she felt just like he did about this whole thing. That tingling feeling in the pit of his stomach, like butterflies taking off. The realization that they were probably still sharing the same feelings for each other stunned him in the best possible way.

Besides, the mention of his “new buddies” and the girls he had slept with after they had broken up… how had she called them? Oh, right. Floozies. Yeah, that had been another dead giveaway. So why had she even brought them up, when it was beyond obvious that he was only into her? That he only saw her? That everyone else just stopped existing whenever she was close? Why did those women even matter? They had never mattered before, let alone now!

And then it had struck him. In terms of rumors, Lisa had probably heard more than she was supposed to. Michael had never really thought about that until that very moment. He suspected that some whispers about his new lifestyle had floated all the way over to Hidden Hills, but he had never really given it too much thought.

But then, earlier that morning, she had pulled out the “emotional freedom” card, and he had suddenly remembered that he had spoken just about that with the rabbi a few months earlier. About the grudge he still felt for Lisa, about how difficult it was to strap him down and cage into a relationship or a marriage, so to speak. He had told the rabbi that he understood why men cheated on their wives despite knowing it was wrong, and then had claimed that he needed his… freedom, indeed. Which was the truth, but not in the way Lisa had possibly interpreted it.

He hoped that she didn’t think he had cheated on her while they were married, or together. Yes, he had been a cheating husband, but Lisa had been the woman he had cheated with, not on. He never had thought he needed to point that out, but maybe she had never been able to understand how happy and liberated he had always felt when she was by his side, and how absolutely guilt-free he had felt when she was his lover and he was married to Deb. Or maybe he had never been able to make it clear. Whatever the case, she obviously had been hurt just the same by what he had said to a guy who, theoretically, should have been bound by some sort of confidentiality agreement.

The bottom line was that Lisa was wary and suspicious of his current lifestyle and possibly thought it was much more in tune with what he truly wanted. Absolute freedom, no strings attached, no commitment. She also didn’t like the new people he surrounded himself with – those same people who provided him with such a lifestyle. That much Michael knew for sure, because Janet had told him, pretty casually, one night when she had stopped by at the ranch during one of his parties.

“Hey, I was just thinking that Lisa should meet some of my super-funny new friends. Maybe she’d finally stop sulking.”

Yeah, he had been a bit drunk when he had sneered those words at Janet. A bitter, resentful drunk at that. Michael still remembered how irked he had been, knowing that his sister had spent the entire day with his ex-wife. Janet was pulling the same shit she had pulled right after he and Lisa had divorced, apparently. She had sided with her instead of him. Traitor!

“What?”

“Nothing. Maybe one of my friends would be right for her. That’s all I’m saying.”

“No way… She wouldn’t want to waste a minute with them. They repulse her. And quite frankly, that sweaty director is indeed kinda gross, if you ask me. Does he shine like that all the time?”

“Well, I didn’t ask you. I like them. That’s all that matters, so cut it out.”

“She’s right, though. The magician is a fraud, and your religious friend is not to be trusted either. He has a very big mouth… you know that, Mike, right? You know he can’t keep shit for himself. So be careful what you tell him, ‘cause whatever it is, it’s gonna make the rounds.”

Michael hadn’t commented back then, because he really hadn’t known how to reply to that. While now, all things considered, he was starting to wonder if the rabbi indeed was worthy of his trust or if he was just another user. For the first time since he and Lisa had broken up, he honestly asked himself if she was right about not liking his new friends at all.

All those thoughts and epiphanies had crossed his mind at the speed of light, as he stared at Lisa trying to burn the bridges with him once again. She had looked defiant, and yet he could feel how scared she was. Deep down, underneath that tough, careless facade and rebellious persona.

Walking out of that door would have been the easiest thing in the world… after all, he could lie to himself and pretend that having a taste of that sweet pussy was all that mattered, but the truth was that he never had been and never would be that kind of guy. Not with her, at least. And so he had decided that he would not fall victim to the same old mechanisms that had ruined their communication so many times before.

He had walked over to her, had taken her into his arms and kissed her, hoping that his kiss would be able to convey everything that his words could not, and then had just told her that she should get dressed and get ready to leave. He wasn’t sure it would work, but it had, and they had arrived at the Threshold together. They hadn’t spoken much while in the car, but hey, what he had gotten was definitely more than what he had bargained for.

Dang..!

Lisa had relaxed the moment they had entered the Threshold, and now – as he watched her interact with those kids – all Michael felt was intense melancholy. And love. To see her with children always evoked the same emotions in him. How he had wished she could be the mother of his babies. How perfect everything would have been, if only things had gone the way he had hoped for so long. If only he and Lisa hadn’t been two obstinate, stubborn, proud and unreasonable brats, ready to stomp on everything they had ever dreamed.

One of the kids shrieked in absolute delight and Michael was catapulted back into the moment. He blinked.

Noticing that Jaroslav was now engrossed in some deep conversation with another staff member, he patted his friend’s shoulder and got up, slowly walking over to Lisa. Despite his casual body language, the instinct to have her closer to him was too intense to ignore. He crouched down next to her and grabbed a little girl who was about to fall down on the carpet.

“Oops! You good..? Yeah… you’re all good. Here you go, little lady!”

The toddler nodded, laughed and ran off to her friends. Lisa just looked over at Michael, smiling. Her eyes shone and there was something different about her, now. Relief. Dared he say… gratitude, almost?

“Hey, Mike.”

“Hey, yourself. I just wanted to make sure you can handle this. Need any help?”

“Nope. I’m doing great all by myself, as you can see.”

Oh, he knew. She was doing perfectly. He just shrugged nonchalantly.

“Looks like it. Ever thought about becoming a primary school teacher?”

She laughed.

“Oh, hell no. This gotta be a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me.”

“Once in a lifetime indeed…”

He bit down on his lip as they held eye contact. A jolt of electricity shot through him. Were they flirting? Probably, and it was exciting like it used to be a long, long time ago. The only thing he wanted at the moment was to reach out and touch her. Take her hand, help her get up, drag her to a secluded, dark corner and kiss her silly. He wanted to kiss her until all their doubts and fears disappeared forever. But he couldn’t do that. Not right now and not here. Maybe later, when they would go back to their hotel…

He was about to say something stupid just to keep the conversation going when someone appeared in that scenario pretty much out of nowhere, clashing their very fragile and very thin crystal dome. It was the last person he would have ever imagined seeing there.

“Lisa?!? Lisa…! Finally! I was going nuts looking for you!”

Lisa was stunned – and not in a good way. As a matter of fact, she was pissed as all get-out. She hated being blindsided.

What was happening was wrong in every conceivable way: the time, the place, the context – and the audience. Yet, she couldn’t do anything but try to approach the issue as calmly as she could, given that they were all in a public setting and she didn’t want to cause a scene. It had all gone so well up until now and she would not jeopardize the Mazeks’ project because of something – someone – that had nothing to do with it.

John was there. In Prague. No, scratch that. It was even worse than that: he was at the Threshold, towering over her – and Michael – as if he belonged there. How the hell had he known where to find her? And why was he even there, anyway? He had finally stopped calling her for the past couple of days and Lisa had naively thought that he had gotten the memo, but it was pretty obvious that John was convinced that they still had something to say to each other.

“Lisa?”

“What?”

She just stared up at John, not really knowing what else to say. She usually was sharp-tongued and over-reactive, but this was a little too much even for her. She felt utterly powerless. Way too many thoughts were crossing her mind – and one specifically lingered. It was the fact that she hadn’t told pretty much anyone about her whereabouts and that alone made John’s sudden apparition absolutely surprising. There were, in fact, very few people who knew where she was. Not only in Prague, but in this very place, just out of town. Her kids, who obviously had nothing to do with this thing, Danny, who had barely ever met the guy… and her mother. Frowning, she swatted the thought away.

“Lisa! Did you hear me? Get up. I gotta talk to you. And I’m gonna do it right now.”

She opened her mouth to calmly tell him to fuck off, but Michael was quicker. He stood up in one fluid, controlled movement, and despite being shorter than John, he didn’t seem phased by his physical stature at all.

“Hey. Watch it how you talk to her, okay. And cut it out. We’re working, here.”

She didn’t say anything. Quietly, she gently directed the last kid who was clinging to her back to his mama, and then rose from the carpet. She didn’t even look at Michael. Instead, her eyes were fixed on John, whose face showed all the arrogance of someone who thought he was entitled to something. The mere sight made her blood boil.

It was weird. She would have loved to see Michael appear out of nowhere and face her, during their off moments through the years. She would have found the gesture thrilling and enticing. But when any other man pulled that kind of shit, she really couldn’t bring herself to tolerate it. She hated being controlled – let alone stalked – and certainly didn’t like it when her words or decisions were brushed off as if they meant nothing.

“Not here. Let’s go talk outside, in the backyard. And until we’re there, just do me a favor and shut your mouth.”

John set his jaw and straightened his stance, his eyes quickly moving from Lisa to Michael, then back to Lisa. As far as Michael went, it was as if what was happening had completely deprived him of the ability of being distracted by anything. He was still staring at John, and his eyes narrowed. His face was calm, but Lisa could feel his annoyance seething just beneath the surface. Mike was good, and his well-trained persona worked just fine all the time with the majority of people … but she knew him better than anyone. And she certainly knew what made him angry.

Without any further comment, she retrieved her coat and walked over to the small exit to the side. She pushed the emergency door open, knowing that it faced a side of the backyard that was usually deserted – especially at this time of the evening, when it was dark and chilly outside. She walked out, her boots crackling on the frozen snow, and heard John following her. However, when she finally turned to face him, she noticed that Michael was there as well – just leaning against the closed door, his hands in the pockets of his parka, the hood covering his head. His breath came out in puffs and he looked calm.

How was it even possible that he had found the time to dress up and follow them, so quickly and without even making a sound? And why was he even there? Who did he think he was, her bodyguard? Her adviser? Silent witness? What?

And then it struck her. Michael did have a possessive, protective streak. A side of him that she hadn’t seen in quite some time, and that she had almost forgotten during the last, bitter, complicated months of their relationship, when he was distracted and distant most of the time. She had loved that dominating side of him so much in the past, because it would always make her feel safe and protected in a way she hadn’t felt since her dad had left her, depriving her of his light and affection. To get a glimpse of it again now was unexpected and not in a bad way.

Lisa had always adored taking care of Michael, but it was just as beautiful when he would find ways to reciprocate, especially because it came as natural as breathing to him. It was just part of who he was. And he had done just that – he had protected her from people who wanted to hurt her, and at times even from herself – time and time again through the years, it didn’t matter how many handfuls of shit they had thrown at each other when things weren’t good. Even now, she had to admit that she was stunned to even see him standing there. She knew how much he hated drama, and maybe in different circumstances he would have avoided this kind of situation like the plague – yet he didn’t look like he intended to go anywhere.

She wished she had the time to appreciate how his presence by her side truly made her feel now, but couldn’t. There was more urgent business to take care of. John had no business being there and needed to leave just as quick as he had appeared. She was about to say just that when he decided to break the ice first.

“I am not even surprised to see him here, you know…” John vaguely pointed at Michael and the disdain in his voice, on his face, became palpable. “I know how you behave when he’s around. Did he force you to follow him in this godforsaken shit-hole of a place?”

Lisa straightened her stance. She decided to ignore how rude, insensitive and idiotic John sounded and focused on the matter at hand.

“This has nothing to do with Michael. And certainly we’re not in a shit-hole. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I came all the way over here because I think I deserve something more than being dumped via phone.”

She frowned.

“What are you even talking about? I didn’t do any of that. I told you that I didn’t want to be with you anymore straight in your face, and I was more than clear.”

“Well, it wasn’t enough for me. You didn’t even give me the time to truly understand what was going on. To digest your words.”

“Too bad. I can’t be bothered by anyone trying to guilt-trip me into staying with him or force me to do what I don’t want. Besides, you called me nonstop… and I reiterated my decision over and over again.”

“And then you stopped talking my calls…”

Exasperatedly, Lisa threw her hands in the air.

“Because you just wouldn’t listen! And because I’m not here to try to pacify you about our breakup. I’m here to take care of business.”

John’s eyebrows sprung up.

“You taking care of business with your ex-husband? And you expect me to believe that? Gimme a fucking break…”

“So?” Michael’s voice was bland. Lisa turned to look at him and noticed that he looked very much engrossed in removing some dust from the sleeve of his parka. “Why is my presence here – or Lisa’s, for that matter – even your business?”

John turned and looked at him as if he was some gnat.

“Because she is my girlfriend, that’s why. You’re the only one out of place here, dude.”

Once again, Michael brushed his sleeve almost absentmindedly.

“Funny that you say that. It’s you she has a problem with… not me. And I don’t think she’s your girlfriend anymore. I mean, the lady was pretty clear about how she feels about you.”

“Oh, I’m sure you did everything that was in your power to keep her away from me. I’m sure it gives you pleasure, to always get what you want. Too bad you’re history and you’ve been for some time.”

This time Michael looked up and stared at John. He didn’t say a thing, and Lisa was unable to read his expression. Sudden fear assaulted her. Did he really believe what John had said? That he was history for her. Something that belonged to the past. Even worse, was he now wondering if she had been the one referring to him that way? She swallowed hard, finally coming to terms with the fact that Michael would never be history for her. He would never be relegated to the past. It didn’t matter how good she was at lying to herself – or others.

She really needed to handle this shit.

“Hey. Stop it. Michael is right. It’s not your business what he and I are doing here. And you got no right to even ask, because… well, I hate to remind you, but you and I are nothing to each other. I hoped we could end this on friendly terms, but you’re making it real difficult for me to even remotely like you.” She moved one step back the moment it became apparent that John, once again, was not listening. “I’m not sure how you managed to track me down, but you gotta leave immediately.”

“Why? I just landed. I’m planning to stay here for as long as I want.”

“No, you’re going to go back to wherever you came from because I don’t want you here!” She was surprised she even had to say it out loud, but alas, she wouldn’t have remembered John for being super-bright anyway.

“Well, guess what? Your mom thinks you’re lying, and that you just need to be put in check.”

“To be put… Excuse me?” Lisa couldn’t believe her own ears. “What has my mother…”

And then it dawned on her. Of course. It made all the sense in the world. This whole mess could only come from Priscilla. There was no way in hell that John would have known how to find her without some little extra help from the outside, let alone that he would have the money to fly all the way over to Prague.

Of course, Priscilla had been ecstatic when she had discovered that Lisa and Michael had likely broken up for good after years of back and forth and sitting on the fence. Their everlasting dance was finally over, or so she had thought. She hadn’t liked it one bit when she had started to suspect that Michael could be involved in her daughter’s little charity project abroad.

On the other hand, John was a much better candidate for Lisa, in her mother’s eyes. And it wasn’t even because she liked him as a potential son-in-law. She just didn’t feel threatened by him like she did with Michael. John wasn’t known for being exceptionally bright and was also a follower, not a leader. He could be controlled and manipulated easily, and his being in Prague confirmed that. He was nothing but Priscilla’s sock puppet, there to remind Lisa that she couldn’t escape certain mechanisms, it didn’t matter how much she tried to break free. Her mother always seemed to be one step ahead.

“Listen to me…”

John tried to reach out and take her hand and Lisa retreated as if he was poison ivy.

“Don’t. Don’t touch me.”

He gave her that pretend sad, disappointed face that she had quickly learned to despise.

“Why are you behaving like this? Your mom was right. She told me you would react this way and that you’d need to be handled appropriately. You should be grateful: she knows more about what you need than you do. ‘Cause let me tell you… You really don’t know what’s good for you, Lisa.”

This time, Michael snorted.

“Oh, man… That’s funny.” He chuckled to himself and shook his head. Was this whole thing really amusing to him? Lisa decided to ignore him.

“Did she really tell you to come here? My mother?”

John smiled.

“Oh, she did more than tell me. She paid for my trip, and she told me exactly where I could find you. So it wasn’t hard at all. I just took a plane, then a cab, and here you are. Easy as pie.”

She realized that she needed a moment to regroup and calm down the buzzing in her ears. Of course, it had always been evident that Priscilla was involved, but clearly Lisa was still surprised at the lengths her mother could go to demolish what she didn’t like or accept in her daughter’s life. Just like many times in the past, Priscilla had shown how reckless she could be – and it didn’t matter if she thought that what she did was for Lisa’s own good. It was still heartbreaking for her to be a full-grown woman and to have her own mother try to control her as if she was some kind of rag doll.

“I don’t care what she said. You need to leave. You shouldn’t have come to begin with.”

“You don’t get it. I understand you’re surprised, but… I came here to patch things up, Lisa… how hard is it to understand that? You know how much I love you.”

She couldn’t stand that condescending tone. And she hated to be treated like a fool even more. Her relationship with John had never been that serious. She had never been in love with him. She had just been looking for some relief and he had found a pot of gold in return. That was all he loved – or what he loved the most about her, at least. The kind of lifestyle that being with her allowed him to have. She had known that from the start, when he had quickly gotten comfortable sinking in the luxury that being connected to her family, her name, her lifestyle entailed. Whatever they had shared was not at all comparable to pure, undiluted love, or passion, or sincere desire of being together just for the sake of it. Just because the idea of not being together was too much to bear. And that wasn’t news to Lisa either. She had way too often seen herself as nothing more than a cunt with a big name attached, and she knew she had been just that for way too many men. Including this one.

But not Michael…

No, not him. And if he at first had only been curious about her because she was the Presley girl, the daughter of a superstar, it didn’t even matter anymore. At one point, something else had emerged and, deep down, she had felt his love and all its intensity. But this was not about Michael, for once.

“Bullshit. If you loved me like you say you do, you would have simply accepted my decision and moved on. And you certainly wouldn’t have involved my mother. At times, love means letting the other person go, instead of clinging to their balls like a rabid cat.”

“Look, she’s the one who called me, not the other way around. Besides, she told me that…”

“Maybe you should date her mom, then. Have you ever thought about that, my friend? I mean, Priscilla sure is a handful.”

Hearing Michael’s voice – his steps coming closer – forced Lisa to release a breath she didn’t know she was holding. What she felt was comfort, the sudden sense of reprieve and alleviation that always came whenever she knew that whatever mess was coming her way, she would not be alone facing it. Because having Michael by her side had always been able to make a difference. And it always would.

“Why are you still here? I thought you and I had said whatever needed to be said.”

John stared down at Michael with absolute aversion clear in his eyes, and Lisa realized that he hated him. Which was weird, because John had never been openly hostile to her ex-husband before. But maybe Priscilla had trained him well before sending him to Prague to try to ruin whatever Lisa cared for. It made all the sense in the world. It was very easy to imagine her own mother systematically poisoning this obvious dimwit’s mind against Michael. Who, by the way, deserved none of that treatment.

Thankfully, it didn’t work. Whatever attitude John was displaying seemed to roll of Michael’s back as if he was made of Teflon.

“We did? That’s weird, ‘cause sure as hell I haven’t even started yet.” He stopped right in front of John and cocked his head to a side, staring right into his eyes. “Look, I’mma make it easy for you, okay. Listen up… Lisa is no longer with you. Accept it, move on and leave her alone.”

“Why? So you can keep fucking her without having to worry about little old me?”

Michael smiled one of those smiles that didn’t reach his eyes and were absolutely chilling.

“You think I ever got to worry about you? No, man. To me, you’re about as influential as a fly in Costa Rica. But you’re not going to pollute Lisa’s stay in Prague with your bullshit. You wanna be a kid and stomp your feet, whine and cry like a little bitch because my girl realized that you’re not worthy of her time? What good does it do… but go ahead and knock yourself out, Johnny Boy. But do it away from her and stop wasting our time. Real men know when it’s over and move on with dignity.”

When he acted like that, when he spoke like that, his most authentic and most intimate self came out in the form of a low, slightly husky voice, making him look and sound far from the polished superstar he was to the world. The Michael that Lisa was seeing now, this Michael, was not someone to play with. And the sudden pallor on John’s face seemed to confirm her impression. Even this blockhead had sensed that this whole conversation would not turn into what Priscilla had predicted.

“You’re not going to tell me what to do!”

“See? That’s where you’re wrong. I’m telling you exactly what you’re going to do. You’re going to turn around, leave this place and leave this country. You’re going to fly back home and you will forget this meeting ever happened. And you will not – and let me repeat this, you will not bother Lisa, or me, again.”

“Is that supposed to be a threat? You really think I’m intimidated by you?”

Michael stared at him coldly for a moment.

“Yeah… I think you are.” His body remained perfectly still. “She doesn’t love you. She doesn’t want you. Her mother doesn’t control her life. Lisa is a grown-ass woman and she dumped you. Deal with it.”

John just stared back at him for what felt like the longest time. It almost looked as if he was holding his breath. He was stone-faced and, when he finally turned to look at Lisa, his eyes were shining.

“He’s not good for you, Lisa.” His voice sounded calmer now. Deflated. “Maybe one day you’ll realize it, or maybe you won’t… But either way, I won’t be there picking up the pieces.”

Lisa crossed her arms over her chest. All of a sudden, she felt cold and realized she was shaking.

“That’s fine.” Her gaze dropped to the frozen ground. She could barely see what was underneath the snow. All she felt was the chill and something else that she couldn’t really pinpoint. “Go home, John. It’s over. I don’t ever want to see you or hear from you anymore.”

Time stood still for another handful of seconds, and she hoped with all her heart that John would just let it go and leave.

And he did. Without saying another word, he walked back to the door, opened it, and got swallowed by the voices and the lights coming from inside. When the door closed behind his back, it was as if she and Michael were the last two people left in the world. Alone, lost in a chilly night.

It was scary. And also weirdly relieving.

She was about to tell Michael that all his posturing and macho talk really got on her nerves – it didn’t matter how sexy and endearing it could be. She would tell him that despite John being an absolute idiot, she could handle him just fine. That she didn’t need any male to be her knight in shining armor. Yet, before she could even open her mouth, he had already closed the gap that separated them and pulled her into his arms.

And she immediately melted against him. Whatever cold she had felt up until that moment vanished, and she reveled in the warmth that having him close would always entail. And to realize how easily she could get used to this again was way more frightening than any weird feeling of alienation she had felt up until that point. She saw herself as a complete failure, as someone who couldn’t escape her own demons – her mother, still treating her like a teenager in need to be scolded, the men she chose, the loneliness she wasn’t able to accept or escape. She just couldn’t get anything right and she felt so immensely, utterly unworthy. And yet Michael kept holding her. In fact, he hid his face in the crook of her neck and she felt his warm breath against her skin.

“I’m so sorry he popped up like some stupid Jack-in-the-box… Why did he even come here? It was dumb. I can tell you feel nothing for him, girl.”

Despite the intense uneasiness she felt, she had to smile. Only Michael could compare an ex appearing out of nowhere like some deranged lunatic to some toy. God… she loved him. She loved him so fucking much. It scared the daylights out of her.

Yet she kept holding onto him. Her hand coming to rest on the back of his head, loving the feeling of his hair against her skin.

“Because my mother riled him up and sent him over…”

Michael pulled back and framed her face with both hands. He stared at her, from one eye to the other, but didn’t say anything. How she loved it, when he touched her like that. He couldn’t imagine how safe and secure it would always make her feel.

“Dana and Jaroslav had tried to get in touch with her, at first… but she wasn’t interested in the project… I suppose it was way too insignificant for her standards… So I jumped in…” She sniffled and willed her tears away. “That’s how I got involved. I picked up the scraps that my mom left.”

“These ain’t no scraps.”

“No, I know… It’s just…” She shook her head. “…Never mind. The point is, of course she knows exactly where I am. How could she not?”

“Who cares? She’s not here. And he better be gone, too.”

His miffed tone made her smirk despite the barrage of sadness and disappointment she still felt.

“What if he isn’t, huh? What are you gonna do if he comes back, Mike?”

Michael grinned.

“Nothing. Just make sure that he stops bothering you. I don’t like the way he treats you. You deserve better, Lise.”

They stared at each other, and they got serious. Whatever hint of mischief was there disappeared.

“Why did you do that, Michael? You could have just let me handle him myself. Why did you…”

“Because it was the right thing to do. And I done told you… he ain’t gonna talk to you like that without me saying a damn thing about it. And because I…”

“…because you, what…”

She knew what he hadn’t said yet. And she wanted to hear it with an intensity that bordered on pain. She watched him try to read her thoughts to the point that she almost saw the wheels turning. And then, almost out of her own volition, she pulled his head down to her and kissed him. Michael responded to her kiss immediately, and it was passionate, brazen, hot. They were not supposed to do any of this in such a public setting, in a place where everyone could see them if only they opened the door, but that pull was something that Lisa knew even too well. It was something that couldn’t be controlled. It was like lighting a match near a barrel of gasoline.

Within seconds her back was against the wall, near the door, and he was all over her, touching her through the clothes as he kept kissing her. Her mouth, her neck, her closed eyelids, her mouth again. His hands, warm despite the cold, his tongue, were all that existed in her world and she lost control of her own body. She felt as if she was made of rubber and her hands stopped responding to the rational part of her brain. She and Michael were fully clothed obviously, yet she managed to pull down the zipper of his parka and found his raging hard-on, massaging him through his jeans, making him moan against her lips. God, she was turned on like crazy and didn’t know how she could ever stop this thing from happening. This lunacy that kept occurring whenever Michael was around. His hand on her breasts, on her crotch and she thought she would come.

Everything she wanted was to find a secluded space and have him fuck her again and again until she passed out. She wanted to once again experience that delicious mixture of pain and pleasure, she wanted him to hurt her good forever. She wanted to make him lose control and have him tremble and strain against her, inside of her. The sudden memory of him coming inside her body almost made her feel dizzy. This was not normal. This was absolutely insane.

“Michael… Mike…”

Her hand was still on his groin and he strained against her, his hips pushing against her palm. He moaned.

“It’s too much… We gotta stop.”

She almost marveled at her own ability to utter those words out loud. What she had said was nothing but the truth – and nothing of what she wanted. But they remained the truth, nonetheless. A few days together had been more than enough for them to blur the lines, and what they were doing now had nothing to do with just wanting to spend this week fucking whenever they felt like it. This was so much more than that. This was as intimate as it had always been. And just as dangerous.

“I don’t wanna stop…” His breath was labored, his voice husky.

Yeah… she didn’t want to stop either. That was the problem.

With the last ounce of willpower left, Lisa pushed against his shoulders until he finally backed off a bit. They stared at each other and Michael looked flustered, high. As lost and confused as she was.

“I think we need some space… some time…” She swallowed and it felt like nails. “You and I. Just for a little while.”

“Why…”

He mouthed the word without really saying it out loud.

She smiled bitterly and rolled her eyes. God… she wanted to cry.

“Why? You know why. Because we can’t control this. I mean… we agreed we would fuck. Cool, let’s do that. But we can’t just do that, can we? It has already gotten out of hand. We can’t control ourselves any longer.”

“What’s wrong with losing control?”

Nothing. And everything.