Alpha – Chapter 5

Nebula

Michael’s ranch, Santa Ynez Valley – Later that night

Lisa

As we walked together toward the main mansion – all lit up for the night – Michael told me that, on our way over to Los Olivos and while I was conked out and drooling on his shoulder, likely turning myself into the most undesirable woman on the planet – he had called the ranch and asked for dinner to be prepared. Dinner for two.

“And it’s gonna be soul food, since you asked and all… I would never want to disappoint my guest!”

I glanced over at him and laughed.

“Hey, a sandwich would have been fine! You didn’t have to overdo…”

His eyes met mine and there was a mischievous glint in them.

“I always overdo.”

He sure did…

As we entered the main house, I took a moment to admire the grandiosity of it all. Which somehow was in sheer contrast to how relatively simple his Hideout was. And with how down-to-earth, humble and unassuming Michael – the man, not the superstar – could be. The mansion, on the other hand, looked stunning and extra-luxurious. That was Michael showing off, surrounding himself with beautiful things. It reminded me of Graceland a bit, but with a different twist.

“Come…” Michael took my hand. “We’re having dinner in the kitchen, if that is OK with you. The dining room seemed a bit over the top for a late evening meal…”

Yeah, no shit.

I allowed him to guide me to the kitchen – the second one in our short history together – loving the feeling of his big, warm hand holding mine. Once again, I tried to remember that I had to be careful with this man, and that his polite, gentlemanly behavior didn’t necessarily mean anything more than that. I had to remind myself not to be deluded, yet for a split second the idea of simply being Michael’s friend, either with benefits or not, crossed my mind. And it wasn’t a bad feeling at all. Being with him made me feel strangely comforted. Safe. A feeling I didn’t experience often… but that I craved all the time.

The kitchen was, of course, gorgeous. Huge and finely furnished, with an oversized island in the middle. The marble top had already been decorated with everything my starving stomach could ever desire, and the smell coming from the dishes was absolutely mouth-watering. Two chefs were there, and they greeted us with a smile. We made small talk for a minute,  they made sure that everything was fine and that Michael and I didn’t need anything else, and then finally left after wishing us goodnight.

I found myself alone with Michael once again. The kitchen was warm and quiet, finely furnished with wooden and stone surfaces. I glanced around for a moment as we, once again, experienced that quick moment of slight embarrassment. Then he, thankfully, snapped out of it.

“Well… let’s see what we have here….” He walked over to the kitchen island. “Everything looks delicious, for sure…”

Yeah, he was right. The chefs had definitely outdone themselves, and I suspected it was because Michael had told them to impress us. In different circumstances, I would have showered his face with kisses just because of how attentive and thoughtful he had been. But in this case, he wasn’t my boyfriend and the best I could do was to enjoy the dinner. Which, according to my rumbling stomach, was something absolutely doable.

I only had to decide where to start. The Southern potato salad? The fried green tomatoes? The mac and cheese? The Nashville hot chicken? The spoonbread? The hot cauliflowers? The red beans and rice? Man, all that stuff could have fed and army!

“It does. Thank you, Michael, for this. It’s amazing. Maybe a little too much for just the two of us, but… amazing, nonetheless.”

“You’re so very welcome. So, Lisa Marie…” I pretended not to notice how much I liked the way my name rolled on his tongue. “How about we make my chefs proud?”

Michael

I had no idea of how starved I was until I found myself sitting at the kitchen island with Lisa. Just watching her wolf down that Southern food with such palpable delight had also gotten me hungry, which was quite a novelty for me. I was the kind of guy who would eat out of necessity more than pleasure.

But with Lisa Marie, even the most trivial thing took a new dimension. Or, in this case, a new flavor. Sharing a meal. Sharing a drink at a club. Sharing a moment on a terrace, while being inundated with freezing rain and crazy wind. And sharing everything else, possibly without any clothes on…

We took our time, talking about the day as we enjoyed the amazing recipes my chefs had prepared for us and a few glasses of delicious, very expensive French wine – straight from my personal wine cellar. All was so simple, yet so perfect.

She also seemed genuinely delighted of how our visits at the school and the hospitals had gone down. She told me she had never done any serious, active charity work before, despite thinking about it often, and that the experience had been incredibly rewarding for her. Looking at her straight in the eyes, I knew she was not bullshitting me. And to be quite honest, I had loved having her with me for the entire day. I had loved to see her interact with the kids and the families. She was sweet and attentive, and knew how to talk to them. Her shyness seemed to have disappeared, at least for the most part. Of course, I had heard rumors about the Presley girl. That she was in sour mode all the time, very introverted, and incapable of letting herself go.

Well, that wasn’t the person I was getting more and more familiar with. The Lisa I knew was far from the arctic queen some had depicted – although that title certainly belonged to her mother. Lisa was reserved, no doubt, but also a straight shooter, funny as all hell, sarcastic and smart. And man… she was wild in bed. As hot as a supernova. In fact, she had lit up my sky for days. I didn’t doubt she was a complicated person – after all, how could she not be, with the life she had lived since her birth? Still, I started to think that people gave her way too much flack for stuff she could not control. Yeah… I knew something about that too.

We sat at that kitchen island for about two hours, then she began to shiver and yawn. I could tell she was exhausted, and that her little nap in the car – which I had loved, by the way – hadn’t been enough for her. The lady needed some serious rounds of sleep and, as a host, I felt it was my duty to take care of it.

I put my napkin down.

“Are you cold?”

She shrugged.

“A bit. Must be because I’m tired.”

“Yeah… It must be…” I stared at her some more. Man… she was so beautiful. And right now, she looked so cute, all sleepy like that! “Hey, how about I take you to your bungalow so you can relax a bit? Take a warm shower… rest… unwind… or whatever.” I cleared my throat.

The corner of her mouth lifted ever so slightly, and she gave me one of those crooked smirks I had already learned to recognize so well. Yet they still hid mysteries I could not fully decipher.

“Sounds like an excellent idea. And… thank you for feeding me so well. The food was delicious, and I’m as full as a barrel.”

She repressed a burp, did a little hiccup and a “oops” at the end and I giggled. What else could I do? She was naturally funny in the most genuine way. And also naturally sexy. Man… If I didn’t pay attention, I could find myself in such deep shit with this girl.

On our way over to the bungalow, which was very close to my private quarters, I had to refrain from reaching out and wrap my arm around her shoulders. We moved into the night slowly, listening to the trees rustle in the darkness while still talking quietly, and I loved how at ease we both were with each other. Up until that point, I had never shared my ranch with anyone besides my family and some collaborators. Not yet, at least. I realized I was happy that Lisa was there with me, and that I couldn’t wait for the sun to rise to show her the entire estate. My private quarters and the whole house, the valleys and the river, the stable, the hills and the lake, and that stunning tree that had already become such a place of inspiration for me.

But for now, she really needed to rest for a bit. As far as I was concerned, I planned on dancing my ass off in the studio, take a shower and then – possibly – go to bed. At that moment I didn’t feel sleepy at all, and Lisa’s presence made me feel even more wired. I was excited in a way, and I was doing my best to downplay it.

“So…”

We stopped at the door and I gave her the keys to the bungalow.

“Yeah… Here we are.”

All of sudden, words seemed to escape me. And her, too. It was one of those awkward moments when we both knew it was time to say goodbye, yet neither of us seemed to be able to make the first move. It was also a first for us, as after the only night we had spent together, at my Hideout, Lisa had left while I was still asleep. She had been sneaky and had saved us both the embarrassment of having to address our one-night stand. This, however, was different. She wasn’t going to ride off into the night without me noticing.

“OK… Good night, Lisa. And I see you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Michael.”

Without any warning, she stepped closer and put her hands on my shoulders. Then she rose on her tiptoes and I felt her lips touch my cheek. Her kiss lingered there for a moment. Long enough for me to reach out and hold her by the waist for a few seconds.

And then she was gone, leaving me all alone, immersed in the darkness of the night.

I stayed there for a minute, savoring the chilly air of the night, then went back to the main house. Just bidding time, feeling electric and alone in that huge, empty mansion. I sipped another glass of wine, slowly, staring absentmindedly at the flames in the fireplace, getting mentally ready to dance and not feeling like it at all, all things considered. Then again, what else was I supposed to do?

And then it hit me. Lisa was cold, she had been freezing, in fact. Shivering. Her arms wrapped around her torso while we walked over to the bungalow. I was sure my staff had packed the guest house with all that was necessary for her to be comfortable and all, but I wanted to make sure. She was my guest, after all.

Sprinting to the library, hands down one of the best parts of my new home, I found what I was looking for. A big, fluffy, red blanket I adored, and that I had stored there a few weeks prior, convinced it would come in handy during my long nights spent reading. I hadn’t had the chance to do any of that so far, but I had been right. That blanket had suddenly found its meaning.

Forgoing to put on my windbreaker, I jogged back to Lisa’s bungalow while I glanced over at my watch. We had said goodnight about half an hour earlier, and I could only hope she wasn’t already asleep. Stopping at her door, I straightened my stance and knocked, softly. Wondering if I would wake her up – promising myself I would not do it again and just leave if she didn’t answer, as she probably was already all tuckered out.

Before my musings ended, the door opened and I found myself face-to-face with Lisa again. Whatever words I had planned to say died on my lips as we just stared at each other. She was more than I could bear – and certainly more than I was prepared for.

Lisa was wearing a bathrobe and her long hair was wet, wild and freely flowing down her shoulders. She had obviously just taken a shower and looked beyond dreamy. A bit stupidly, I realized that she didn’t have pajamas because her stay at the ranch hadn’t been planned.

“Hey… You OK, Michael?”

She broke the ice first.

“Yeah… I’m good. Do you need a pajama? You can borrow one of mine, if you want.”

What a stupid thing to say! But she had blindsided me, so my sudden confusion wasn’t all my fault.

Blinking, she finally looked down and noticed what I was holding in my hands.

“I, well…That’s a blanket, though.”

“Yeah, I know.” I hesitated, then somehow managed to recover. “It’s because earlier, you looked like… Never mind. Are you still cold?”

Lisa did something I wasn’t expecting at all. She looked up and me and smiled. A surprised, unexpected, pleased smile. Maybe she had realized I had noticed. Of course I had.

“I was… But I feel much better now, you know… after the shower…”

I just nodded, unable to peel my eyes off her.

“But if we keep staying at the door, I’m gonna catch a cold. And you will too. Where’s your jacket, by the way? I mean, it’s woolly mammoth weather out there.” The smile was still there, and I relaxed.

“Am I talking to the same girl who went out on my balcony, butt-naked, just to enjoy a storm while about freezing to death?”

She laughed, whole-heartedly.

“What are you talking about? I wasn’t butt-naked. I had your shirt on…”

Oh, so I wasn’t the only one remembering that little detail.

“Right…

Lisa leaned against the door frame, her head tilting to a side. Turning the sexy on again so effortlessly and naturally.

“Wanna come in for a minute? Wait – can I ask? Since it’s your house and all…”

“You can ask.”

“…Well? Are you coming in?”

“…Sure. I’d love to come in for a minute.”

Lisa

I wasn’t expecting to see Michael until the next day, and his sudden apparition caught me off-guard. He, too, for a moment had looked like he didn’t know what he was doing here. He looked flustered, out of breath and unsure. But gazing at that blanket in his hands, I couldn’t help but think how capable he was of noticing even the most trivial things. Yes, I had been cold. Freezing, really. It would always happen to me when I was super tired. And the fact that he had felt he had to do something about it was probably the most surprising part of this whole situation. Surprising in the best way, obviously.

It was mostly because I wasn’t used to guys behaving so… nicely. Not with me, at least. And I knew it came with the baggage that my last name entailed, of course, but still. It had taken me a lot of time and effort to pretend it didn’t bother me.

Michael was different on so many levels, and when he entered the bungalow, and I closed the door behind my back, locking it for good measure, the atmosphere seemed to change suddenly. The air around us, I felt, thickened and became static, as time itself had stilled.

It was hard not to admit that I wanted him. I was immensely attracted to this man I barely knew, a superstar who would never be able to give me what I needed, I was sure. And yet he could fulfill me like no other had been able to do, at least sexually. I knew damn well I couldn’t afford to think about anything else.

When he turned and faced me again, all I could do was slowly walk over to him and take the blanket from his hands, placing it on a table nearby. Our eyes locked.

I moved almost on autopilot, suddenly unable to resist that magnetic pull he so obviously exerted on me. The tiredness I had felt up until that point was gone, and all I wanted was to spend the rest of the night with him, pretending tomorrow would never come and that I never had to go back to a home where I wasn’t welcome. And if he just wanted to talk and not do anything, that would have been fine with me as well. After all, I could hardly read him and despite him being so open and apparently vulnerable at times, there were layers of him I was aware I didn’t know at all. What was going through his mind? Was he just being polite or had he come back because he, too, felt that tension, that unmistakable pull?

“Thank you for this… It’s sweet.”

The blanket felt soft in my hands.

“You’re welcome…”

His voice had gotten deeper and had taken that husky tone I recognized. I had heard it before. I hadn’t agreed to stay at his ranch because I expected something to happen, nor because I was sure a re-do of what we had done at his apartment would occur again, but having him there, in my personal space, was tugging at all the right strings. Or the wrong ones…

I could not tell what happened next, exactly. I didn’t know if he made the first move or I was the one reaching out and grabbing his head, pulling him down and close to my lips. All I knew was that a few second later we were kissing – and it felt the most inebriating emotion ever.

I would have wanted to tell him that his little guest house was beautiful, and that he was a great host, but I couldn’t focus. Not while his hands caressed my shoulders and slid down my back, holding me by the waist like I was his. Not while his uneven breathing was in my ear and his warm, muscular body adhered to mine.

It certainly felt like we were on the same page, and all awkwardness was gone. Michael and I were back to being two individuals who were in perfect sync with each other, our bodies speaking a language on their own. Leaving us speechless. Leaving us breathless.

For minutes we just stood there, just kissing in the foyer. He pulled back for a moment and held my face in his big, warm hands, just staring into my eyes. Right then and there, I knew he wanted to make sure I wanted this because, unlike the first time around, neither he or I were tipsy this time. We were both present and clear-minded, and even though obviously we didn’t regret the one night we had spent together at his apartment, we also had never been able to talk about it. We had both glossed over it and decided to step back onto friendly territory.

Well… there was nothing friendly in what was going on in that bungalow. The embers were just lighting up, and I could already tell the heat would be raw – and scorching. I knew I would end up being incinerated.

I mirrored his gesture and caressed his cheeks, feeling his night stubble break through. Swallowing hard, I kissed him again, and his body seemed to melt into mine. Still holding me by the waist, he lifted me from the ground without leaving my lips and I locked my legs around his waist. My arms closed around his broad shoulders.

Quietly – yet panting – we moved together and he slowly walked over to the bedroom, stopping every now and then just to focus on this foreplay that was driving us both nuts. When he finally was able to reach the bed, he lay me down on the comforter and my legs didn’t let go of him. Neither did my arms. So he followed me, and I began unbuttoning his jacket as fast as I could, while he, in turn, slowly undid the belt of my bathrobe – and then caressed my breasts, my stomach with a gentleness that almost made me tear up.

I stopped in my tracks for a moment. Who was this man? I needed to feel his skin, the warmth of his muscles playing underneath my fingertips. I needed to feel his weight on top of me. It was complete lunacy, and I didn’t know how to get rid of it – nor I wanted to.

Michael took off his jacket, then he frantically undid the button of his shirt. Okay – the time for taking things slow had obviously passed. The useless garment followed in the unknown that had been created just outside the perimeter of the bed. I pulled up the remaining t-shirt and I immediately started to kiss his solid chest, his pectorals. My lips found his nipples and he moaned, softly. Rising on his knees between my open legs, he stared at my naked body as he began unfastening his belt. His hands were shaking a bit and my throat was parched.

My hands joined his.

“Wait… Let me…”

He took a deep breath and allowed me to take care of him that way.

I slowed down my movements and took my time, not wanting to spoil this moment that was, after all, something Michael and I hadn’t planned – and maybe hadn’t even fathomed. That much, finally, I could tell.

I undid the button of his black pants and slowly pulled down his zipper. He sighed, and I did the same, looking up at him. His lips were slightly parted and he looked feverish, barely holding on. Suddenly, it seemed to me that I knew how he felt with a level of precision that he couldn’t imagine. Maybe, we both knew how the other felt.

I let my fingertips run over the waistband of his briefs, the contrast between the texture of the fabric and that of his heated skin inebriating. I slowly pulled his underwear down, knowing well what I would find. Remembering it in all its glorious details.

Michael was aroused, and the mere sight of him did something to me that I wouldn’t have been able to explain even if I had the chance to. I held him and started stroking him slowly and he straightened his stance, sighing, his head thrown back as the muscles of his solid abdomen flexed in an automatic reaction. Automatically, his hand reached down, covering mine – his touch warm, safe and comforting, not guiding my movements, but simply enjoying them, following them. I felt him harden and grow even bigger under my touch, and something simply snapped in me.

“I want you…”  I barely recognized my own voice, the words I had thought, but I hadn’t realized I had spoken them out loud. “Right now…”

Michael’s eyes found mine again.

“Yeah?”

I let go of him, reaching around, grabbing his ass, pulling him close to me as my knees rose.

“Yeah…”

Almost in an automatic, involuntary motion, I began cradling him between my thighs – loving the feeling of his body against mine. And then in one fluid, perfect motion he was inside of me, and we both moaned out loud. In sheer synchronism.

“Oh, God… Lisa…” He spoke the words as his face was hidden in the crook of my neck. “You drive me crazy. Damn…”

Kneading his back, I felt his chest rising and falling with each breath. Adhering to my naked skin. The sensation of him invading me, of having him inside was astounding in its intensity. It was pleasure that bordered pain. I suddenly remembered why I had stayed in his apartment all night. I had wanted to experience this feeling over and over again. Leaving had been more challenging than expected, as part of me wanted to live that free-fall, no-parachute-attached emotion over and over again. It hadn’t been like me at all.

“… Oh, fuck…”

My hands slid down, cupping his ass, and I pulled him into me hard. He moaned again, and so did it. What we were doing was absolutely crazy.

“Move, please… Fuck me…”

“Shit… You sure..:”

“Yeah…”

He didn’t need to be asked twice, but I was glad he had searched for confirmation. And then, once he realized to what extent I wanted this, he took me exactly the way I needed. He did so in earnest, yet without any hurry. It was all a weird concoction of raw, unbridled passion and carefulness. The scorching sexual attraction we shared didn’t go beyond the willingness to take care of one another, somehow. Which was another new for me. The guys I had slept with before Michael would usually ram mindlessly into me, without any concern for my pleasure – and, at times, not even for my well-being. Once caught in that type of situation, I was usually able to check out. My body was there, at times at their disposal, but my mind – and my heart – were elsewhere. Locked away, safe and protected.

But not with Michael. I was completely present, body and soul, not wanting to miss one second of this intensity. This sheer beauty. This sweet fury.

Time and space lost any significance. There was no longer a bed and no longer a night. Just two bodies entwining, sweating together, heated up by a fire so ancient and unintelligible and foreign that neither he nor I could fully explain it. He moved on top of me while holding my hands right above my head, his fingers interlaced with mine. His eyes sinking into mine, deprived of any embarrassment. The shy, awkward guy I had found in front of my door, holding that red blanket, was gone and another man had taken his place. A man I had known before… the one fucking me, but also doing something else to me.

Making love to me. Even though I would have never, ever uttered those words to him. Nor would I have used them to describe what we were doing. Not right then, at least.

Michael kept moving. And I soared – becoming one with him. He dragged me into a dance I didn’t even know I could dance. Not even him staring into my eyes made me feel uncomfortable, quite the opposite. It enhanced the experience tenfold.

At some point, while I was fast approaching my first orgasm, he withdrew from my body, causing me to gasp, and went down on me. I arched up and against his mouth, holding his head down – loving to feel his tongue, his lips on my hyper-sensitive flesh. I had dreamed of him doing this so many times since he had taken me that way for the first time…

Closing my eyes, I moaned out loud, without any concern that someone might hear us. After all, his ranch was secluded, and nobody seemed to be patrolling the area around the bungalows at the time. And even if someone had in fact heard me, I was way beyond the point of caring at all.

I heard him sigh and moan softly, his mouth still attached to me, his hands caressing my thighs, my abdomen, exploring me. Looking up at me, he met my eyes and I took his hands. Our fingers interlaced again in an intimate gesture and we stared at each other as he kept fucking me with his tongue, slowly and thoroughly. My head began to spin, and it wasn’t just because he was extremely skilled at what he was doing. It was also because of this emotional and physical communion I felt with him.

I bit my lip.

“Yeah… Just like that… That’s it, baby.”

I knew I wasn’t supposed to call him that, but the word tumbled out before I could do anything to stop it. And Michael, well… his blinked, slowly, and then moaned against me. His eyes closing as he got back to work even more seriously than before. The result was explosive, and left me breathless.

Given his passionate reaction, it occurred to me that he wasn’t displeased with that pet name, even though mine had been nothing but a slip-up. Which didn’t make it less honest, but again, I had to remember this was just about sex. Very good, mind-blowing, soul-shattering sex, yes. I could not deny that. But the truth was that other than that, other than rolling in the sheets, Michael and I barely knew each other. We had spent a day doing charity work together, big whoop. But we were basically strangers for now. Strangers who love to fuck each other.

After descending from my height, I didn’t feel tired at all. Fulfilled, but also in need of so much more.

I rose onto my knees and he did the same – and we faced each other. After he finally pushed the useless bathrobe I was still wearing down my shoulders, I helped him get out of his pants. I wanted to be naked with him, and I wanted him to be naked as well. I wanted nothing in between us. I wanted us to set the stars alight in the sky.

Michael

Lisa was on top of me, swaying her hips expertly and at times leaning over, holding my face in her hands, kissing me hard, moaning against my lips as her tongue invaded my mouth, and I didn’t know if I’d be able to last much longer. The level of pleasure I had been experiencing while being inside of her – again – was incomparable to anything I had lived up until that point. From a sexual standpoint, this girl was nothing short of a powerhouse, but it wasn’t just that that kept me hooked. There was so much more than her body that I couldn’t even dare to name.

At times I wondered if she felt the same way. It happened again and again, during that long, sleepless night at my ranch. The way she looked at me while she held me encased in her sweet body, sitting up in my lap,  her fully naked, sweaty and wild. Her tanned skin almost glowing in the darkness of the night, her long hair flowing freely down her back as her hands caressed my torso. The way she spoke to me, her voice. The way she touched me.

What we were doing was, in many ways, similar to what had transpired between us at the Hideout, days earlier, but there was also something else going on this time. If the first time around our one-night stand had simply happened, this seemed way more purposeful, as if neither of us could help it. As if we had both simply decided that we wouldn’t avoid doing it again.

I knew my musings were likely misplaced and I tried to shut those thoughts off, to ban them from my mind. After all, I had seen how women behaved with me and I should have known better. They wanted to fuck the megastar, but they weren’t really interested in the man hiding within it. I guess Mike, the regular guy, wasn’t as interesting as MJ, the larger-than-life persona. That man that belonged to the whole world – but not to himself.

My inner voice surprised me suddenly as Lisa’s rhythm quickened, as her movements on top of me became sharper, more driven.

Stop being such a dismissive, cynical asshole toward this woman. What had she done to you, except from making you soar into the universe? What does she have to pay for? Your previous failed affairs? Does she have anything to do with those women? Is she playing with your heart? Or do you think she cares how famous you are? If anything, she loathes fame. That much you can already tell – and you know it.

Well… whatever. I couldn’t allow myself to fall into the rabbit hole of my own hopes, fuck-ups and hang-ups. I simply had to take what she so gladly offered. It wasn’t that difficult. Or was it?

“Shit… this is crazy…” Her hoarse voice pulled me out of my own mind. “…You’re making me come again… Oh, fuck…”

Her words were enough. My mind drew a blank and all I could see was her. Instinctively, I sat up and held her in my arms, wanting to experience her pleasure up close and personal. Craving to be face to face with her, to have her body writhe against mine and feel her squeeze me into her heavenly tightness. Needing to see her eyes, to drown in them. I had already noticed how remote and glazed over they became whenever she came, and it was such a thrilling sight. Too sexy for my own sanity.

Lisa seemed to freeze for a moment, and then bucked up against me violently, screaming out and shaking as she clung to my shoulders. Her skin felt hot, smooth, slippery. The muscles on her back twitched and the grip of her thighs tightened. I felt her fingers entangling in my hair, her lips on my neck. Her teeth marking me. Wincing, I thrust inside of her, taking her through her climax the way I had learned she wanted it.

I thought I would be able to delay my own release. In fact, I had planned to let her have her pleasure again and then taking her from behind. I knew how much we had liked that the first time around. However, my body betrayed me and I felt the hurricane approaching all of a sudden. I couldn’t do anything to stop it, and what was even more surprising was that Lisa seemed to notice before I did. Her movements were still steady and her eyes found me. She took my face in her warm hands and leaned her forehead against mine.

“Lisa…”

“Yeah… I know… I know…” She kissed my lips quickly as her motions, once again, picked up speed. She was the one controlling this ride, and I almost had no power over her. Especially not now. Usually, that would have bothered me, as I craved control. But not with Lisa. I trusted her implicitly, at least with my body, and the realization was jarring. “I can feel you… You’re there, Mike… You’re right there…”

Mike. It was the first time she called me that. I could barely perceive the word, her words, that sweet invitation – that sweet, sexy reassurance – and then I was lost. I knew I screamed out and the pleasure was so intense that, for a few seconds, I held my breath as I held her hips against me and thrust into her as if my life depended on it. And maybe it was just like that.

The pleasure I felt almost brought tears to my eyes, and throughout it all she was there, with me, never leaving me. Her eyes never leaving me. Her hands holding onto me. Her body becoming my temple: a place to worship but also, mostly, where I could feel safe.

God knew I needed that more than anything else. A place to rest, to unwind. To just be myself. I hadn’t imagined it could be a woman, and maybe the hang-ups caused by my previous relationships, affairs… at times just delusions that swirled in my mind. Maybe all those experiences had marred my ability to read things clearly. To read people clearly.

Women. I loved them, worshiped them. But I also feared them. I never had been able to fully understand them or figure them out. Some of them had nourished my soul and my spirit. Others had broken my heart, and played with my feelings. They had made me feel confused and uneasy. Feelings I didn’t want to carry with me. I craved to love and be loved in that intense way maybe I hadn’t known yet, but I was also terrified of it.

How was it even possible that, with Lisa Marie, all seemed to be so easy? So natural? Almost predestined.

Maybe that was what good sex did to a man. It hooked him good. That is what I was slowly discovering every time she and I slept together. It wasn’t that I hadn’t fucked other women before Lisa, but never had the experience been so intense and soul-shattering. A bodily pleasure so overwhelming to be almost painful – even to the soul.

It was too much. The way I wanted her, my need to touch her skin, feel her breathing against me, have her come undone under my touch. And shatter in pieces under hers. Whatever it was, I couldn’t fully comprehend it as it surpassed everything I thought I had felt up until that moment. Lisa hadn’t been planned. She just was.

And I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with her, apart from being one with her body every time I got the chance.

At the moment, exhausted, I couldn’t really think about anything but the sizzling feeling of my body vibrating in unison with hers. A perfect metronome. Musical almost.

After an orgasm that seemed to go on and on forever, I let myself fall back onto the mattress, and her lithe body followed me. Her head came to rest on my chest, her fingers played with my muscles, as if she was tracing invisible letters using my sweaty skin as a canvas.

Our breaths were erratic, uneven. I closed my arms around her and I loved how she didn’t move. How she allowed me to remain encased in her body. The little aftershocks of our nerves made us gasp and giggle, and I ran my fingers through her long hair. When she let out a deep breath and finally seemed to relax a bit, I smiled to myself while I stared at the ceiling.

“Man… You almost killed me…” She kissed my chest, right over my heart. “You sure are something…”

“So are you…” I bit my tongue, avoiding at the very last moment the little pet name that was about to slip through. Babe. And remembering, suddenly, that she had called me that just a few minutes earlier, while we ran together toward the flames. Baby. That was how she had called me.

My eyes closed as I tried hard not to think about that little detail too much. Throes of passion and all that jazz, right? Yeah… most likely.

And yet, all was so perfect. So quiet and utterly peaceful. I had already spent a few nights at my ranch, but it had never been so untainted, so pure. Was it because of her?

Slowly, my eyes opened again and I turned my head toward the window, looking outside for what felt forever. Staring at the starry blanket that had witnessed what I wasn’t sure I would have experienced again. The simplicity and transcendence of what was going on hit me like a soft wave. A man and a woman, naked in a bed, their limbs entangled, after enjoying a moment that was sacred. That was what sex with Lisa was starting to mean to me.

“Lisa…”

“Mh…” She sounded relaxed. Serene, at ease. Just like me. I felt I could speak freely – that she wouldn’t have thought I was crazy.

“Did you know that stars died so we could exist?”

She turned in my embrace and looked at me.

“What?”

“Each particle within our beings is the result of a star exploding. No, not one single star… many… the atoms in your left hand likely originate from a different star compared to those in your right hand. We are stardust. Our existence hinges on stars exploding… and everything we’re made of emerges within that celestial inferno… Our presence here, today, is the result of stars sacrificing their existence.”

She stared at me for what felt like a very long time, her eyes serious and open. Then she smiled, and touched my face. She kissed me and snuggled against my chest, her breathing deepening. I knew she had understood.

And, that night, sleep came easy.