Contingent – Chapter 13 | Back to square one

Chapter 13 | Back to square one

perceive (v.)

c. 1300, via Anglo-French parceif, Old North French *perceivre (Old French perçoivre) “perceive, notice, see; recognize, understand,” from Latin percipere “obtain, gather, seize entirely, take possession of,” also, figuratively, “to grasp with the mind, learn, comprehend,” literally “to take entirely,” from per “thoroughly” (see per) + capere “to grasp, take,” from PIE root *kap- “to grasp.” Replaced Old English ongietan. Both the Latin senses were in Old French, though the primary sense of Modern French percevoir is literal, “to receive, collect” (rents, taxes, etc.), while English uses the word almost always in the metaphorical sense. Related: Perceived; perceiving.

Los Angeles, January 1997

Bill’s retirement has been just the umpteenth change in Michael’s recent life. But they both knew it was time. Bill was getting old, he had been by his side for twenty-five years, and he had all the right in the world to stop flying around the globe and start spending more time with his family.

There was a moment for everything. Although Michael knew that, to Bill, he was like family, and that he had loved being his personal security detail for almost his entire life, he now wondered if it wouldn’t be too late for his old friend. If Bill would indeed have the chance not to miss any more significant milestones in his personal life and the lives of his loved ones.

Then, of course, his mind wandered from Bill to himself. He was approaching his forties, and the only thing he remembered ever doing was working. When the moment had come to focus on his private life, more than he had ever done before, he had pretty much blown it without even realizing it.

And then Paris had happened.

Well, she hadn’t really happened, happened yet, but she had definitely been created. Paris, his baby girl who still hadn’t left her mommy’s womb, was the result of what any baby should be. She was going to be born from love, passion, devotion. And Michael still hoped that, despite all the odds, he and Lisa would be together that day, in the near future. He hoped Paris would immediately feel the touch and the immense love of both her mom and dad. If he ever managed to speak to Lisa face to face, obviously – something that had not happened at all during the past six weeks.

After the Debbie debacle, things had been pretty rough between he and Lisa. It was not that she had refused to keep Michael updated about the pregnancy, not at all. In fact, she had been reliable and consistent with her initial promise – and their co-parenting agreement – and had regularly communicated every single news and piece of information concerning the baby. Well, her entourage had been speaking to Michael, or to his closest associates. Nothing else, and certainly nothing personal. He had received constant updates about every single medical data, every exam, every sonogram performed by Doctor Mcfadden. Lisa and Paris were fine, and from afar he had seen his baby girl grow in her mom’s womb – week, after week, through pictures, words and numbers printed on paper. But he had never heard from Lisa again.

When Michael had finally realized that Lisa wasn’t going to give in, he had started a slow, methodical and systematical work to reconnect with her. The first thing he had done, right after the failed wedding, had been to leave a message on her answering machine. Because of course, she would not pick up the damn phone.

“Lise… Lisa Marie… baby. I know you don’t wanna talk to me right now. I get it, I do. But I want you to know… I didn’t do it. I couldn’t. I put an end to it before it was too late…” He sighed. “What I am trying to say, Lisa, is that I didn’t go through with it… I haven’t gotten married to Deb. She’s livid, of course. I mean, she’s so pissed off, you got no idea, right now she might pulverize everything in a thousand-mile radius I think. But you were right. It was bullshit… marrying her, that is. So… you know… I believed it was for the best, when I told you. I was wrong and I was panicking, I felt pressured… I should have thought things through a little longer… before telling you. And the point is… this is not how I wanna live my life.”

Having the feeling that she was listening to his message in real time, but that she was not going to engage, he had started to pace the room like a caged tiger.

“Lisa, pick up the phone, come on. Let’s talk. Don’t you wanna know what happened? Baby… Please, pick up the damn phone. I need to hear your voice. I know… I know you probably think that if there’s one person you can always count on to really fuck things up, it’s me, but I haven’t. I mean – I almost did, but… eventually I pulled my head out of my ass and I said that I wasn’t gonna do it…” He had stopped, taking a moment to regroup. “I am so sorry, Lise. I truly am. And I hope we can talk soon. I love you, baby. And I miss you. Please, call me back as soon as you get this.”

At that point, he had hung up the phone. She had never called him back.

After that, Michael had forged ahead once again. He had left a couple of other messages on her answering machine, then he had sent her a few letters from Australia, Japan and Brunei, in between shows. The day he had landed in Hawaii, he had called her again to wish her a Happy New Year. Then he had managed to send her flowers. And balloons. When it had occurred to him that not even the heart-shaped balloons – Lisa loved that stuff – were going to do the trick, he had finally realized that he needed to go back to Los Angeles and show up at her door, in person. Fuck boundaries!

And now there he was. Sitting under the huge tree near the main house at Hidden Hills, waiting for her to come out. Or let him in. Whichever she preferred, as long as they could talk.

The security guard at the entrance had let Michael inside the gated property right away, no problem, not even bothering to call in to get confirmation. Which, in itself, was a good thing – it meant that Lisa had not revoked his “all access pass” to the house they had shared when they were married. For a minute, Michael had even thought that she would simply open the front door and run straight into his arms. Of course, it had been nothing but wishful thinking, as Lisa had no intention at all to welcome him. And he was pretty sure that she knew he was there, although he had not seen her yet. He thought the moment he would catch a glimpse of her beautiful face, it would probably be enough to about send him into a frenzy. And yet he had decided just to wait outside patiently.

Giving her time. Giving her space.

Sure, man. You’re giving her time and space by sitting under a tree just outside her house, like a hobo…

Well, she refused to speak to him! What else was he supposed to do?

I don’t know, Mike. Respect her wishes? And stay away until she’s ready? Because you know she’ll call you, eventually…

Yeah, well, he could do just that. But Lisa also happened to be pregnant with his baby, so he felt he had the right to see, first-hand, how she was doing. Just to make sure they both were OK.

OK…

He hadn’t seen her for two whole months, and six weeks without hearing her voice had been hell. He wondered how she looked now. How much her baby bump had grown. How luminous her skin was. How it would feel to touch her again.

He also wondered if this was how she had felt when he had been the one cutting all ties with her for a month and a half, while they were married. He had been so mad, back then, that he had felt going away for a while as the only possible solution. But at the same time, he now knew that not allowing his wife to get in touch with him for so long had been unnecessary, childish… and kind of mean.

Yeah… things looked slightly different when you were on the other side. A different perspective could paint a whole new picture.

At the same time, Michael could not wrap his head around the fact that, the last time he and Lisa had been together, they were united for real. Body and soul. That had to mean something! Their week in Tunis seemed just around the corner and a distant memory, all at once. Closing his eyes, he could still remember the taste of her skin, her lips, her tongue, while they were making love in that fantastic infinity pool, late at night. How he had pinned her against the poolside. How she had clung to him, kissing him hungrily as she wrapped her legs around his waist, whispering in his ear…

“I never want to get out of here…”

He cupped her ass and kept sliding slowly inside of her. She just felt so good…

“I never want to get out of you…”

Her answer was a breathless, raspy chuckle. Her aqua eyes laughed.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…” He kissed her neck, felt her erratic pulse against his tongue.

“Then keep going… Don’t ever stop…”

The water made everything more comfortable, easier… And she was already so tiny. His perfect doll, whose beautiful body seemed created for him and him alone. He had always thought that they were a perfect fit. When he had made love to Lisa for the first time, so many years earlier, the experience had been unnatural in its beauty and intensity, for him. The moment they had started to move together, during that very first night, he had felt in his heart that she was different. That girl in his arms was different from any other woman he had ever met before.

And in Tunis, only a handful of weeks earlier, Michael had felt the exact same way, as he made her his under a jet-black sky devoid of any stars, immersed in a pool of water so warm and so blue that almost rivaled her eyes. Almost…

Michael took a deep breath and glanced at his watch. It was a little past three in the afternoon. He had been waiting for about five hours now, but nothing seemed to move inside the house. Hadn’t he left his key in the foyer, the last time he had been there, he would have probably gone in. Feeling powerless, at one point he even tried to call her on her house phone, but it went straight to voicemail. Same thing with her cell phone: no rings, only her answering machine. He didn’t leave any message, preferring to wait. He didn’t know why, but the physical proximity to the spaces they had once inhabited together was calming enough for him. After all, he knew she would come out of the house, sooner or later. Or come back home, if she was out somewhere.

Was she hiding inside and was she leaving him out on purpose? Thank goodness the temperature was fairly warm for a January day… He zipped up his windbreaker and pushed his fedora down on his forehead for good measure. He hated the cold.

Michael glanced at the pile of tabloids and magazines he had brought with him. He was still puzzled and honestly surprised at what had happened during the last couple of months. Things had escalated pretty quickly. It was apparent at this point that he had not been expecting a lot of stuff happening to him lately, both good and bad. And being a guy who didn’t like surprises, unless he was the one making them, he still was not sure how he felt about that.

That night, after that horrible almost-wedding in Sydney, he had gone back to his suite while Debbie had left the Sheraton-on-the-Park Hotel, deciding to stay at one of her friends’ house. It had been better that way – because he had nothing else to say to her.

He had then spent the night awake, dissecting – with maximum attention to detail – the behavior and possible motivations of his closest associates. He had gone through a lucid, in-depth analysis that had allowed him to realize that not all his people were transparent, in their actions and conduct. For a long time, Michael had chosen to avoid conflict, to just overlook a lot of questionable behaviors and that, all of a sudden, felt unbearable. It was time for a change. Several members of his entourage had to go – plain and simple.

The first one on the list had been his publicist, Regina. Michael hadn’t liked her attitude, nor her management of everything that involved Deb. And now that he finally had found a substitute, he wanted to talk to Lisa about what they were going to do next. “They” being the keyword here. He no longer saw himself as a detached entity, as the only planet in a lonely galaxy. He was now part of an ensemble that encompassed other people, including Lisa. She and his babies were at the top of his priority list. Everything else would have to come after. No more one-man-shows.

So yeah, Lisa had to take her perfectly round booty outside, because he really, really needed to talk to her. And see her. And hug her. And possibly kiss her.

And just like that, the miracle happened. The automatic gates opened and a Suburban he had never seen before entered the property. Michael was still semi-hidden under the tree, and went undetected. Which was a good thing: his privileged point of view allowed him to observe the whole scene like an outside spectator. Only, what he saw wasn’t exactly appealing.

Lisa was in the car, but she was not driving. Someone else was. A guy Michael had never seen before. A tall, blond guy whose face didn’t look exactly smart. The man got out of the car first, walked around the vehicle, and opened the car door for Lisa. And she, well…

She took his hand as she climbed down, unbuttoning her coat.

Seriously?

For a split second, Michael closed his eyes. The barrage of emotions running through him was honestly too much to sustain. On the one hand, he felt the red fury of jealousy burn him from the inside and cloud his thoughts. On the other hand, he was breathless and elated at the mere sight of Lisa.

She had changed.

When he had last seen her, her baby bump was barely visible, while right now she looked… well, definitely pregnant. Albeit still not extremely big, her tummy had become round and oh, so beautiful – and it was evident that she was expecting. At the same time, she could probably go unnoticed if she kept her coat buttoned up. Michael wondered if that was what she had done, while out with that… thingamabob.

Opening his eyes again, he saw her smiling at the guy and immediately got up from the lawn. His back screamed at him to pay attention, and that he didn’t have to pretend he was an athletic god all the time. Michael just ignored the pain and started his stride of pride toward the mother of his baby.

“Lisa.”

His voice made her and thingamabob turn, and they both looked startled for a second. Lisa, because she had not been expecting him. Dude, because he was probably starstruck.

“Mike?” Lisa seemed surprised. Oh, he bet she was!

“Hey. I’ve been waiting for you… for quite some time.”

The blond thing stared at him mouth agape, and Michael glanced back at him, weighing him up. Yeah, definitely not the sharpest tool in the box.

“Wow… oh, wow. Lisa… This is…”

“My ex-husband.”

“Yeah, I know, but…” His eyes widened and he let go of her hand. Good move. “Wow…”

Michael remained serious and collected, but held out his hand.

“Hey. I’m Michael. And you are…?”

Thingy shook his hand.

“Luke. I’m Luke. I know who you are. Wow… your voice sounds so different…” He snickered nervously.

Of course it did. At that moment, Michael definitely didn’t sound like his public persona at all. And he didn’t look like it, either.

“Yeah. Hey, nice to meet you, Lucas, but I’m here to see her, so…”

“It’s Luke. But sure… Sure!” Finally, he let go of Michael’s hand. What was with this guy and people’s hands? Was he four? “I can’t believe this…” He turned to Lisa and smiled, very widely. “…Lisa! That’s really him! That’s the man! Wow!”

OK. Another “wow” and Lucas was going to get punched in the face.

Lisa was visibly uncomfortable.

“Luke… Listen, I’ll call you later, OK? I haven’t seen Michael in a few weeks and… You know…”

“Eight weeks. We need to catch up.”

She glared at him.

“…Right.”

Luke looked unbothered, and still a bit giddy. It was quite obvious that, to him, Michael was way more fascinating than the girl he had been out with. What a tool…

“Oh, of course! I understand! Sure… no problem. I see you when I see you, then, OK? And just call me when you have time… or whenever you want to… you know, to… hang out… or something.”

Yeah, or maybe neither one of the two. Michael just stared at him, and didn’t stop until his car was out of the gates and around the corner. He looked almost enraptured, and blinked when Lisa grabbed him by the sleeve of his jacket and tugged at him.

“OK, why you gotta act like such a territorial jerk?”

His eyebrows sprung up in genuine surprise.

“What? You cannot possibly mean me, Lisa. I just said hello.” He bent his head and kissed her on the cheek. His jealousy was already vanishing. He was just too happy to see her. When she pushed him back in pretend annoyance, he wasn’t even mad. In his heart he felt that she, too, was glad he was there…. He just had to convince her. Piece of cake, right?

“What are you doing here, by the way? Who let you in?”

“The guard at the gates.”

“Yeah? I gotta have a word with him, then.”

“No, you don’t. Poor man. What does he know?”

“What does he know, indeed…” Lisa rolled her eyes and shook her head.

Turning serious, Michael tilted his head and watched her with extreme sweetness.

“Why are you so mad at me, princess? What did I do?”

She stared at him in disbelief, as if he were a seven-year-old.

“Are you for real?”

“Of course. What did I do to upset you?”

“Apart from treating my friend like shit, you mean?”

“I didn’t treat him like shit at all. Didn’t you see how happy he was? I just wanted to see you… talk to you…” He smiled again and gently touched her cheek with the back of his fingers. “Hi…”

Lisa’s indignation seemed to deflate. Her shoulders slumped and she let out a sigh. Shaking her head again, she just took his hand and started dragging him toward the house. Looking defeated, and doing her best to hide the fact that she, too, was ecstatic to see him. To find him waiting for her, with his puffy windbreaker and his stupid fedora and his… delicious stubble. How long since the last time he had shaven? As far as she could tell, at least a week. God, he looked fine…

“I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do with you… you’re such a friggin’ lunatic… Let’s go inside… I don’t wanna put on a spectacle out here…”

As she moved around the kitchen, making tea, pretending to be busy doing unnecessary stuff, Michael couldn’t stop looking at her. All his senses were utterly captivated by her essence. Her hair was longer, lighter. Without any makeup, she looked stunning.

“Coffee or tea?” Lisa kept her back turned to him, sounding as casual as she could.

“Water will be fine… thanks…” He drummed his fingers on the kitchen island. “Did you get my messages? …Letters? …Flowers? …Balloons?”

“Yes. It was all very sweet… Thank you. How long have you been out there? You hate the cold.” She opened the fridge and took out a pitcher of sparkling water and a couple of lemons.

“Ah, about five hours, I think…”

This time she turned, looking at him, seemingly surprised by his persistence.

“That’s a very long time…”

“Well, I wanted to see you…”

“According to the tour schedule you sent me, you were… like, in Hawaii up until three or four days ago…”

“That’s right… I had to take care of some business.” He rose from the stool and slowly walked around the kitchen island. He was not in the mood for chess games. Not anymore. Time was of the essence. Time was all that mattered. And they had wasted so many precious moments, already… Days. Weeks. Months.

“Then why aren’t you at the ranch, resting up?”

He stopped right behind her back, close enough to inhale her scent, and bit his lip. She smelled amazing. Damn… There she was, finally.

“Because I wanted to see you… I needed to see you…”

Lisa placed the pitcher on the kitchen counter and stood perfectly still. Her head dropped forward. Michael noticed goosebumps on her forearms. A sudden sense of triumph made its way through him. He still affected her!

Cautiously, he rested his hands on her waist and, the moment he touched her, he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. It seemed to him that even his lungs expanded, filling with more oxygen. He hadn’t realized how tense and distressed he had been until that very moment. For two months, he had unleashed every single ounce of energy and self-control to do what he had to do. And now… now he finally felt home. He was home. Quietly, his body told him that he could finally start relaxing.

In a brave, yet unexpected move, he bent his head slightly and inhaled the scent of her hair, so calming and familiar, then kissed the back of her head, his lips lingering there. Lisa didn’t move.

“Tell me about Lucas…”

“It’s Luke…”

“It doesn’t matter. What was he doing here?”

“Nothing. He was just helping me out with some errands. He’s a friend. I don’t feel comfortable driving, lately… because of the…” She felt Michael’s hands slide from her waist to her baby bump and, glancing down, she saw them resting there. It all looked and felt so right. Her eyes closed for a moment and she cleared her throat.

“Is he just a friend?”

“Yes, Michael. He is just a friend. Why do you care?” Her tone had intended to be bitchy, but instead her voice came out soft enough to melt butter.

Michael’s hands moved again and went back on her waist. He turned her around and she found his eyes, charged with an intensity she was not sure she could bear without merely turning into something more than airborne particles. Pulverized by those two black holes.

“Because I love you. Because I want to be with you. And you know it. And I am tired, Lisa… So tired to hold back. Tired of hiding it… to pretend I don’t feel what I feel. I’ve been tired for a very long time, now…” He tucked a strand of her long hair behind her ear. “I’m tired of losing you. I don’t want to. Not now, not ever.”

He did look tired. He had also lost a bit of weight since she had seen him in Tunis. The sudden concern she felt could not be avoided. And yet she said nothing, afraid she would lose it if she just opened her mouth.

“I know you’re disappointed in me. I know that’s why you backed off…”

“You think you know a lot of stuff. That’s the problem, Michael. Well, one of the many problems we have.”

He blinked, his gaze dropped.

“I also know I was this close to fucking up. But I didn’t, Lise. I’m here. And I’m atoning.”

Her eyes narrowed, and she seemed to snap out of her suspended state of daydreaming.

“You think I’ve been punishing you? That I want you to atone? Is that what you think?”

Michael was caught off guard. He opened his mouth to deny it, but his eyes gave everything away. Yeah, that was exactly what he thought.

Lisa set her jaw, shaking her head, and placed both hands on his chest, pushing him back slowly but with firmness. As soon as he let go of her, she walked over to the stairs, directed upstairs, to her bedroom. Not this again! Why did their lives seem to be a constant repetition of the same old bullshit?

This time, he didn’t let her get away and certainly did not leave the premises. He didn’t stop her either, but followed her, staying just two or three steps behind. Sadly, he realized too late that she didn’t want him in her bedroom and she slammed the door shut before he had the chance to get in.

He just stood there, before the closed door, his arms hanging to his sides. He was going to stand his ground, and if she needed to cool off for a little while, so be it.

Minutes of complete silence passed and, when she spoke again, he knew that she, too, was standing by the door. Two souls divided by an irrelevant wood slab.

“I am not disappointed in you and certainly I haven’t been punishing you, Michael. I was just trying to survive. I almost had to be mopped off the floor after the bomb you dropped on me.”

He leaned his forehead against the cold wooden surface.

“I know. That was a stupid idea…”

“Wow… Are you still there?” She sounded surprised. “I thought you had left.”

“So you were talking to yourself? Cool. Anyway… Meet the new version of me. The one that’s not leaving. Hi.”

He heard her slam her hand against the door.

“Goddamnit, Michael!”

He took it as a good sign.

“Come on… open the door…”

“Ah, I don’t think so. Meet the new version of me. The one that keeps the door locked…”

He guessed her sarcastic tone was another step forward. They were still talking through a door, but at least she was not crying.

He shrugged. “Fine. Then I’m gonna stay here until you’re ready.”

“Why do we keep doing this?” Her voice broke, and he heard a muffled sob. “Why can’t this fucking thing just be easier?”

Famous last words.

“Lisa, because our lives are fucking complicated, OK? I made a slip, but now I’m back on track with no major damage-”

“No major damage? You gotta be fucking kidding me…” From behind the door, she sniffled.

“No, it’s true. I know I hurt you, when I told you I was going to marry Deb, but during the wedding, I got this gut feeling… that it was not the right thing to do. And sure as fuck it was not what I wanted.”

“And what is it that you want, Mike? Uh?! Tell me, because sometimes I just can’t understand! I never know what your priorities are! I never did! And I can’t live like this, don’t you get it? I mean, I know I had expectations when we were married, and that’s on me, OK? I’m taking responsibility for it. I pushed you, and I lost you, and-”

“You didn’t lose me! And we both fucked up! If you could just open this door, I would-”

“Let me finish! I gotta get this out of my system!”

Silence. He banged his forehead against the closed door a couple of times in frustration.

“Stop it… You’re gonna hurt yourself…” She was still crying, but her voice had come out very soft now. His heart constricted in his chest.

“Lise…”

“I had never loved anyone like I loved you, OK? I thought I could handle it. All I wanted was to be with you. No matter what. And then it just… it just didn’t work out. And we divorced, and it was a nightmare. And then I got pregnant, and suddenly we were close again, and…” Her voice faltered. She sounded breathless. “And once again, I had expectations, like the fool that I am and before I could even realize it, you… You…”

Michael’s eyes fluttered closed. He heard her take in a big gulp of air.

“…And then I had to chase some of my people away… Because I know what they were doing. They told me that you were getting exactly what you always wanted. Not once, but twice! And that to you, I was no different than Debbie after all…”

“That is not true.” He set his jaw. His hands closed in fists.

“I know. I know it’s not. That’s why I sent them away. All of them, including my mother. But at the same time, I couldn’t stop thinking… I kept wondering if I would ever be able to trust you again… To trust us again… What you almost did was a reality check for me, Michael… A cold shower… For a moment I thought we were back at being invincible, but we were not. Everything seems to get under our skin, everything feels threatening.” Another stifled sob. “I can’t let this happen again. It’s no longer just you and me. There’s this baby now. I don’t want and I will not allow myself to be heartbroken while I’m carrying this child.”

She was right. He knew she was.

“So… the only thing we have to do is don’t rock the boat…”

“Pretty much, yeah… too bad it’s easier said than done…”

“Well, guess what? That’s what I am here for. I hated not talking to you for two months… but it also made me think. And I know… Baby, now I know… that at one point during our marriage, I forgot that no matter our disagreements, you were my partner… my wife… never my enemy. And I get it now… we will either win together or lose together. But that’s up to us.”

“Michael… I don’t know if you noticed it, but there’s a lot of people who would just love to see us quit.”

“I know.” He rested his hand, palm flat, on the door.

“And I don’t know if you noticed it, but you and I fight a lot…”

His eyes still closed, he grinned.

“True. But hey, you know what they say… the couple that fights the most is also the one that loves the most…”

From the other side of the door, Lisa snorted and his smile got wider. It looked like he had somehow managed to stop her tears.

“We don’t simply fight, Michael. You push me way past the boiling point… You always have.”

“Lisa?”

“What?”

“Remember what I told you in Tunis?”

“No…”

“You’re such a bad liar…” He paused, then opened his eyes. “Did it work?”

No answer.

“Did it work, Lise? Did I make you fall in love with me again?”

“…”

“Lisa!”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake… Yes! Yes, you asshole. You did, goddamnit!”

Well, this was what victory tasted like.

Straightening up, Michael turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. It had never been locked, and he knew it.

She was standing there, her eyes puffy and reddened, her hands tormenting the hem of her hoodie, and she had never looked more beautiful to him. His eyes softened.

“You’re a dirty truck driver. We gotta do something about that potty mouth.”

“Fuck you…”

He smiled.

“I love you too. And that’s why we have to be together in this. If you’ll still have me…”

Lisa still didn’t move and didn’t answer, and he could tell that she was scared shitless. He was too, but also overwhelmed and so very happy. And suddenly so calm. She loved him. She had told him to go fuck himself, but also that she loved him. And her calling him names had never sounded more endearing. There it was, his open door, right behind those tears. He just had to step in, figuratively and literally.

Michael quietly closed the short distance that separated him from Lisa and cupped her face with both hands, tilting his head and finding her soft lips right away. His kiss was sweet, but not tentative and he was almost surprised when she didn’t pull away, but clung to him instead.

Takeoff!

Smiling against her lips, he deepened the kiss and she welcomed the assault of his tongue, moaning softly into his mouth. Her hands in his hair, on his face, felt comforting and, at the same time, incredibly arousing. The intensity of what was already building between them staggering. When she let her hand slide down, on his shirt, clinging the fabric in her fist, he knew the distance had been closed for real and, this time, they had been able to indeed make a difference.

The kisses continued, and he allowed her to unbutton his shirt frantically. Her mouth found his neck and her tongue caressed his skin, where his vein pulsed. He thought he was going to be blown to dust. And he also knew – if she stopped now, if at that very moment she changed her mind, he would not be able to survive it. Covering her small hands with his own, he sped up the process, just in case…

If there was tenderness, and they both knew there was, it hid in a corner and let passion take over. It had been simply too long since they had been this close. One couldn’t just light a match near a pool of gasoline and expect not to generate a wildfire.

Michael almost ripped his shirt off himself and, as he was still slipping out of it, Lisa’s hands were already busy unzipping and unbuttoning his jeans. He didn’t think he had ever been able to get at full attention in such short time, but in this department, this woman – his woman – never failed to amaze him. He also noticed that, despite her pregnancy, she was still very athletic and agile. The realization produced immense relief: she looked strong, healthy, in perfect shape. She tilted her head up and he found her eyes, half-closed and bright. Rising on her tiptoes, she kissed his face as if she was worshipping him. His forehead, his closed eyes, his cheeks, his chin, finally his lips.

Never leaving her mouth, he got rid of her clothes as fast as he could. First her hoodie and t-shirt, then her sweater pants. He pulled them down and his heart melted. Still kneeling down in front of her, he looked up, grinning. Breathless.

She cocked her head to a side and raked her fingers through his curls.

“What now? Why are you stopping?”

She knew very well what had stopped him. And although he was tormented with desire, about to disintegrate by pure lust, he had to ask.

“Why are you wearing my boxers?”

He was more like a briefs kind of guy, but sometimes he liked to vary. However, he had to admit that those cute little red shorts looked amazing on her.

“Because a lot of your stuff is still here… And because I missed you, Michael…”

He smiled, and it was like seeing the sun rising.

“God, you have no idea how much I missed you… Turn around, baby girl…” He spoke as his hands ran up and down her toned legs.

Lisa stared at him with her mysterious blue-green eyes. Then she complied.

Once again, Michael’s hands slid up and found the perfect slope of her ass. Very slowly, feeling his blood hammer in his ears, he pulled the boxers down and stroked her soft, warm skin. His lips rested on the small of her back, kissing her as his hands came around and finally caressed her rounded belly.

He rose to his feet and, once again, Lisa turned to face him. They stared at each other in between kisses and just stood at the foot of the bed for a while, too enamored with the perfection of the moment to pay attention to anything but the newly-found connection of their bodies and spirits. At one point, Michael felt her hands push his jeans and underwear down and realized that there wasn’t an inch of his skin that didn’t need to be in contact with her. He took off what was left of his clothes and she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him again.

He caressed her, rediscovered her, everywhere. Her fuller breasts, her smooth, muscular back, her perfect waist and hips, her strong shoulders, her toned arms. The softness of her skin, her scent, enveloped him like a cloak and he found himself straining painfully against her belly.

“Can you believe me if I said…” She whispered in between kisses on his neck, his collarbone, his chest. Her fingers traveled to the flat plane of his taut abdominals. “…that I promised myself we wouldn’t end up like this, when I saw you out there?”

His breathing labored, he swallowed and kept caressing her back.

“Want me to stop?”

Her fingers tangled in his hair.

“Don’t you dare…”

He bent his head and smiled in the kiss, then gently pushed her back, until she sat down on the bed. Leaning back on her arms, Lisa spread her legs. Michael took a deep breath. He was almost desperate with desire.

“Lise… baby, you gotta help me out, here…”

Her eyes glanced down at the most desperate part of him, and she raised an eyebrow.

“Come here… I’m gonna help you out, alright…”

Michael chuckled.

“No, I mean… Yes. God, yes. But I wanna do this right.” Leaning forward, he kissed her, slowly, thoroughly, then whispered against her lips. “Teach me…”

She let out a whimper, and a slight blush colored her cheeks. Apparently, she was as tortured as he was. She took his hand and moved it over her breasts, then pulled his head down on her. He immediately knew what she needed and his mouth closed on her nipples, kissing, sucking, biting gently. Her torso arched against him, looking for more contact, and she let out one of those low moans he had thought he would never hear again. His other hand found her warm wetness and this time her hips jerked against his fingers. She instinctively closed her legs, trapping him there.

He trembled against her. He needed her so much…

“Scoot back a little bit, baby…” His voice came out strangely throaty. “Open up for me…”

The moment she did, and he saw her lying there, vulnerable and exposed in the most soul-shattering way imaginable, he leaned over and kissed her everywhere. He made love to her with his mouth until her whole body started to writhe and convulse underneath his. Then he took her hands and made her sit up again. Her hair tousled, her eyes bright and glassy, she looked as young as she had been when they had first made love, a lifetime ago.

“Teach me…” He said again.

Still caught in her post-orgasmic haze, but far from done, she reached down and grabbed him, held him, stroked him, her thumb applying just the right amount of pressure. He had to close his eyes for a second.

“Sit…”

The word was whispered in his ear, between open-mouthed kisses on his neck. His dick threatened to explode, but somehow he managed to keep control over himself and settled by her side. She immediately sat in his lap. Keeping her eyes anchored to his, and her hands on his shoulders, she didn’t need any help to take him into her body inch by inch, flinching in pleasure.

Michael held her by the hips and pushed up gently.

“Shit… Baby. This is…” Amazing. Just amazing. “Am I hurting you?”

Talking had suddenly become very difficult. Still absorbing him inside of her, she rested her lips against his sweaty forehead.

“You hurt me so good…”

He grabbed her head with both hands and drove his tongue inside her mouth as she finally sat on top of him fully. He felt her body strain to accommodate his size, felt himself pulsing. Everything in him pulsed. He was the cord and she was the instrument, reverberating the sounds hummed by his soul.

He stood perfectly still as she started to move in slow, deep, languid strokes. He tasted sweat on her sweet skin and felt almost delirious. Loving her had always been mind-blowing. But this was different and new in so many ways. He felt her shudder against him, then she grabbed his hair, tugging slightly. Backing off just enough to see her eyes, he stared at her.

“Say it…”

Lisa swallowed.

Holding her still, he thrust into her in slow, methodical strokes and she licked her lips, blinked.

“Say it, Lise…”

Her eyes glowed when she finally focused on him, all the while swaying in his lap. He could feel, from the fluttering of her muscles, that she was close to climax. And he knew that he wasn’t going to hold off much longer, either.

“Shit… I love you. I love you so damn much…”

“God… I love you too… I love you, baby girl…”

Her fingers ran down his chest and her palm stilled over his lower abdomen, as if she wanted to isolate the movement of his hips from the rest of his body. Her gaze dropped and her motions intensified. So did her whimpers. The moment she looked up at him again, he saw the pleasure in her eyes even before the spark ignited in her body. And he was there with her, cursing, moaning, holding her close until they came together with such force that they both cried out.

The barrage of pleasure seemed to go on forever.

Barely able to catch his breath, he leaned his forehead against her collarbone, inhaling deeply, as his body finally slowed down. He could still feel himself twitch and jerk every time she moved. She kissed the top of his head, again and again.

“There’s so much we need to talk about…” He whispered against her hot, sweaty skin.