Contingent – Chapter 14 | Control the storm

Chapter 14 | Control the storm

control (v.)

early 15c., countrollen, “to check the accuracy of, verify; to regulate,” from Anglo-French contreroller “exert authority,” from Medieval Latin contrarotulus “a counter, register,” from Latin contra “against” (see contra) + rotulus, diminutive of rota “wheel” (see roll (n.)). The word apparently comes from a medieval method of checking accounts by a duplicate register.

Un contrerollour qui doit contre roller au tresorere de la garderobe toutz lez receitez. [Household ordinances of Edward II, c. 1310]

Sense of “dominate, direct, exercise control over” is from mid-15c. Related: Controlled; controlling. Control group in scientific experiments is attested from 1952 (from a sense of control attested since 1875).

The contact of his warm chest with her naked back felt heavenly. A feeling she had thought she would never have the chance to experience again, if not in her dreams. But this was the reality and she sank in it, completely.

Despite the exhaustion, she knew he was wide awake. His body, albeit perfectly still, was alert, and his breathing was slow and regular against the nape of her neck. There had been a point, during their endless hours of lovemaking, when she had believed their breathing would never go back to normal.

When Lisa had told Michael that she had promised herself not to end up in bed with him, she was being honest. For her own mental sanity, she had willed herself to stay strong and keep her boundaries intact. Because it was true: she still didn’t know if she would be able to trust him completely or, even better, if she could trust the two of them together. If this was really it or just another one of their pauses during a never-ending cold war. A lot of bad stuff seemed to happen whenever they tried to work things out, and she had barely survived the last almost-disaster.

And yet in bed with him she was, after making love to him for hours, as if her life depended on it. From sweet and languid to urgent and frantic, the endgame had never changed: it had been like feeling the sunshine grace her skin after the longest, coldest winter. Her cells humming, coming back to life, suddenly warm, suddenly alive and thriving.

What had made a difference had been him staying – and not leaving the house, as he had done six months earlier. He also had not pushed her… Well, not too much for his standards, at least. But certainly she had not felt cornered, forced to face something she did not want to face. He had spoken his mind and had been open as he hadn’t been in quite some time. Completely vulnerable. And, more than anything else, he had listened to her.

The honesty in his voice, in his eyes, had struck her hard. She didn’t know if she was prepared for that. Not to that extent.

Lisa had felt acknowledged, no longer disposable. She had felt his love. Or maybe that love had been there all along, perhaps she had never been really disposable to him, and for a while she just had been unable to perceive it. Too raw, too scared, too hurt, to feel anything but her thumping, gaping wounds.

She strongly suspected that her defenses had also crumbled so quickly because she had missed him more than he would ever know, but still, there was something so different about Michael now. She knew it had been there for quite some time – since she had told him that she was pregnant, in fact – but it was changing, evolving. The apparent screeching halt that his marriage to Deb would have been, had turned into an unexpected opportunity. It was, in all honesty, still mindblowing to her.

“The kids?” His voice sounded deep, raspy. He kissed her shoulder blade. Grinning, Lisa reached back and caressed his hair, then stroked his cheek.

“They’ll be back around eight… With Danny.”

“Oh… OK.” One more kiss. His warm, soft lips lingering there. “…Can I stay?”

Lisa glanced down at Michael’s hand, still resting on her belly. She quietly turned around until she was facing him. Both laying on their side, eyes connected. Once again, she reached up and her palm rested on his stubbly cheek.

“Do you want to?”

His eyes, tired and almost black, were serene.

“I wanna stay. I mean, I’d love to.”

She knew that, by “staying”, he meant so much more than casually waiting for the kids. He hadn’t seen Riley and Ben in months. He had spoken to them over the phone several times, yes, but he had never been at the house when they were, since the divorce. Scooting closer, she touched his lips with her own. His scent, so unique and tantalizing, made her nerve endings hum.

“Good. So we can tell them that they’re gonna have a baby sister very soon…”

He pulled back ever so slightly, but his hand kept stroking her face.

“They don’t know, yet?”

“No… they just think their mom’s been eating a lot…” She winked at him and Michael giggled.

“Right. Why haven’t you told them?”

Lisa just watched him for a moment. As if she had to make sure he was really there.

“Because I thought you had the right to be there, too… I know you love them, Mike…”

The sudden flash of vulnerability in his eyes could not be hidden. And he immediately pulled Lisa closer again, kissing and kissing her. Then he pretended to be calm and collected about the whole thing.

“Perfect. Then I’m gon’ stay.”

Somehow, she was able to mirror his poker face. Not losing their heads was crucial, right now.

“By the way, are you also gonna shave?” The back of her fingers stroked his chin. “Like, anytime soon? I’m not sure Riley and Ben will recognize you, like this. Plus, you’re scratchy.”

“Bull. My beard is very soft… And I didn’t hear you complain at all, no matter where you felt it.” He, too, grinned and the hand not busy stroking her face went south, gently brushing her breasts.

“You’re such an ass. And you made me do way too many unholy things for today. So stop.”

His eyes laughed and, of course, he didn’t comply. “You know you don’t want me to.”

She sure didn’t…

Leaning forward once again, Lisa sought his mouth and they kept kissing until they both started to feel dizzy and breathless. She could tell that they were both getting ready to jump into the fire again. They needed to cool things off before they went too far for the umpteenth time. He had told her that they needed to talk – and she knew he was right. At least some of that talking had to happen before her children were back.

“Hey… what about those rags you had with you?”

Michael blinked, as if he had forgotten entirely about those.

“What? …Oh, right! The magazines… Wait… Let me go get ‘em…” Kissing her one last time, he got out of the bed and glanced around. Their clothes were scattered all over the floor. What a mess! He grabbed his jeans and put them on. “Hey… by any chance, did you… like, follow the news lately?”

Lisa sat up and sank against the headboard, covering her breasts with the sheets and raking her hand through her tousled hair.

“I didn’t. I was way too miserable. I’ve willingly decided to be a hermit.”

Still busy zipping up his jeans, Michael stilled and squinted his eyes at her.

“You’re not miserable. You’re too much of a lioness for that.”

She smiled at him, shaking her head. And she kept smiling even as he walked out of the room and she heard him strut down the stairs, whistling a tune. How he could be still so energetic after all that sex, was something she would never understand. She only hoped their baby would be slightly less hyperactive.

He reappeared five minutes later, holding the rags and a glass of juice that he immediately handed over to her, accompanied by a quick peck on the lips. It was really hard, for Lisa, not to give in to him completely when he was so thoughtful and present. And it was getting increasingly difficult not to trust him again with all heart and soul, like she had done in another lifetime.

Michael sat on the bed and put the magazines there, between the two of them. They were a bunch, about a dozen, all crumpled and worn out, as if he had flipped through the pages again and again. She saw him look at the tabloids, biting his lip, his brow furrowed. Then he glanced up.

“You think we can talk about this?”

Taking a deep breath, she shrugged and hoped she looked much braver than she truly felt.

“Sure… Bring it on…”

“OK…” He sat more comfortably and ran his hand through his messy hair. “I’ve been… You know, in the past two months, there was so much stuff I had to think about. Deb… like I said, she’s pissed off. Our agreement still shackles her, and I don’t think she’s going to do anything about that… I got like five lawyers taking care of that shit, just in case… So, hopefully, she’s gonna give birth to the baby, take her money, and go her merry way… Just like she was supposed to do all along. But her confidentiality agreement doesn’t really encompass everything… and it shows. She’s already taking advantage of it.”

“What is she doing?” Lisa’s voice came out flat, colorless. She was so tired of Deb’s intrusions. She had severely underestimated Klein’s “nurse” for too long, considering her nothing but a forgettable hindrance. How wrong she had been.

“She’s been yapping to the press. She did it before, and no matter what she says, I know it was intentional. You can only imagine what she’s gonna do now. She ain’t gonna get what she wants, and she’s retaliating somehow.”

“Right…” Her gaze fell on her hands. Immobile in her lap, gripping the sheets. Deb was going to get a lot of money… more than she’d ever need to live comfortably for the rest of her life. But apparently, that wasn’t enough. What she wanted could not be bought.

“Don’t get me wrong, Lisa, I know I messed her up, too…”

“Michael…”

“No, for real. I guess she always had an agenda, but me backpedaling during the wedding ceremony really did a number on her. And that’s on me. It should have never gotten to that point.”

“Mike – listen to me for a minute. You thought it was the best way to protect your baby. And you were feeling pressured. It is important that you understand that even I got why you felt you had to marry her.”

“Did you?” He wasn’t being sarcastic. He was asking for real.

“Yeah. Rationally I did. But emotionally, I needed to stay away. That’s why I stopped calling. It wasn’t about punishing you.”

“I understand that now. And you know what? That night in Sydney… I started thinking about how our relationship would have never been the same again if I had gone through with the wedding. It was so easy to imagine how it would have totally spoiled the very concept of marriage for me. How unable to do it again I might have become. I know that many things in my life are about business… but some others should never be. And… I don’t wanna be afraid of commitment… not anymore.”

This time she smiled, a bit hesitantly.

“Were you? Scared, I mean.”

His eyebrows sprung up and his eyes turned playful.

“During our wedding? Oh yeah… I was shitting my pants.”

Lisa chuckled.

“Really? It didn’t look like it. You looked so cocky and confident.”

“That’s the point. I was scared, anxious, thrilled… you name it. But nobody was twisting my arm. I wanted to marry you for real. While with Deb, I allowed myself to be pressured into something I did not want to do. And I can’t blame her for that. She did what she had to do… but I’m the one who almost fell for it.”

“Yeah. And it’s great that you’re seeing things from a different point of view. But the consequences of her actions are not your responsibility.” She frowned. “Each one of us pays the price for our own decisions.”

“Fair enough. That’s why I want to be the one making my own decisions, without being influenced by people who don’t have my best interest at heart… but their own.” He placed his strong hand, palm flat, over the pile of tabloids. “I can’t let anybody or anything direct where I’m going to go or what I’m going to do. And I won’t.”

Lisa was not sure she was following.

“Mike… What are you trying to say?”

“I’m trying to say that, for a very long time, I did my best to control everything. And then at one point, the things I had been trying to control were suddenly controlling me. Like this stuff…” He patted the magazines. “No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to dominate or completely prevent what’s gonna be said or written about me, or the people I love. I can only control the way I react to this, or how much I expose myself to this.”

He stared at the rags for a minute, pensively.

“Remember when I told you that I was gonna make some major changes after this tour?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, I realized that I don’t need the tour to be over for that. So the changes are starting now. I slimmed down my staff… like, majorly. I only kept close those who are not trying to fuck me over behind my back. You’d be surprised to know how many people I’ve fired already. But anyway… I’m more than ready to thin out some more, if I realize they’re not being loyal. No more leeches… No more spies… No more assholes… I’m gonna try to prevent that as much as I can.”

Lisa just watched him intently. He had never, ever spoken in those terms before.

“Especially because… Lisa… This is no longer about me and me alone. This is about my kids too, now… and about you, whether we get back together or not. And…” He reached out, taking her hand. “Baby… I do want us to be together again. Not simply as co-parents. I want you back… all of you. I want to wake up with you in the morning, and fall asleep at night while holding you. I want us to be what I know we can be. I want our future back.”

She was glad she was lying down. Michael was very much capable of deflecting and dancing around things if he still hadn’t made up his mind about something. But once the goal was clear in his head, he would always be effective and very quick in terms of action. And right now she could see what his priorities seemed to be.

Her lungs constricted in her chest. She could barely breathe. Was she ready for this? Did she want him back? All of him? Could she risk it all, again? For him, for their kid, for herself?

Her heart took a leap in his direction. Almost in an automatic motion, she entwined her fingers with his. Morse code spelling, without the need to say anything out loud.

Michael blushed, turning shy all of a sudden, then shrugged.

“….So, yeah… that’s pretty much it. That’s what I want. My babies… and this crazy, insufferable, obstinate… adorable, sexy woman I love. And I want to take care of you all, before anything else. Now… the point is… what do you want, Lisa?”

She swallowed, then cleared her throat. She needed a minute there.

“What’s in those magazines? Why did you bring that shit with you? In our bedroom, of all places…”

He dropped his head and chuckled. He had recognized her defense mechanisms, but didn’t seem too bothered by them.

“We’re gonna use ‘em to start the fireplace in a little while… but in the meantime…”

Letting go of her hand, he flipped through the pages of one of the tabloids, then squinted his eyes. He definitely needed reading glasses.

“An anonymous source has revealed that Michael Jackson was ready to get married to his longtime friend Debbie Rowe… who is pregnant with his child and with whom the King of Pop had been in a romantic relationship for several months…” He blinked and made a face. It was clear that he was annoyed by what even Lisa knew to be nothing but a blatant lie. She didn’t need to ask who the anonymous source was. She knew. “…But during the secret wedding ceremony held at the Sheraton-on-the-Park in Sydney, last November, Wacko Jacko suddenly changed his mind and sent Rowe away, even asking for her former lover to be escorted out of the hotel…”

“Is that what you did?” Lisa’s voice was very quiet. “You sent her away?”

Michael glanced up at her. He was still frowning.

“No, of course I didn’t send her away. She left on her own accord. She has friends in Sydney, and she was never supposed to stay in my private quarters to begin with.”

His gaze fell on her page once again. He resumed reading.

“Our anonymous source, which is very close to the couple, has added that Miss Rowe is heartbroken over the failed wedding. She did not expect to be dumped while still expecting Jackson’s child, but rumor has it that the King of Pop has even more complicated matters to deal with: apparently, another woman, too, is pregnant with his baby. The identity of the second baby momma is still unknown, at least for now, but our reporters are investigating. What is clear so far, is that Debbie Rowe got pregnant during Jackson’s separation from Lisa Marie Presley, which means that the two were still very much married when the conception occurred…. Blah, blah, blah… Oh, listen to this… The unthinkable happened: not only Jacko had a wife, but also a lover, possibly two! Who would have ever imagined?”

He placed his hand over the magazine and grimaced, but didn’t look up at Lisa again.

“So, you see… not only weird asexual me might not be a virgin, but could even be an adulterer… sleeping ’round like some sort of manwhore. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Debbie’s gonna make sure to drop some more lies and bombs every now and then. Everything that is not included in the agreement she signed is virtually unrestricted… if she wanna talk about it.”

Lisa saw him set his jaw. She knew how humiliated and hurt he felt by those insinuations, it didn’t matter how sarcastic or nonchalant he tried to sound while talking about it. At that very moment, and only for the shortest instant, the pain of what had happened during their marriage came back to her in full force. No, Michael had never cheated on her. She had never been concerned about him rolling in bed with other women. Her ache came from what she had long perceived as a different kind of betrayal. But now she, too, needed to see things differently. If there really was a chance for her and Michael to start anew, she had to let the past go. Because they were stronger together than they could ever be apart. Because when they were united, they could face everything. Because without him, a huge part of her heart was missing.

And because she loved him more than he would ever be able to realize.

She removed the magazine from his hands, closed it and placed it back on the bed. Then she sat up and took his hands.

“OK… what do you wanna do?”

“I fired Regina.”

“Oh.”

“And I found another publicist. Her name is Lynsey Fuoco and her approach to the whole matter is completely new for me… but I think it might work. And I’m sure you’ll like it.” He grinned at her. “She’s a real character, you’ll see.”

“I’ll see?”

“Yeah. Would you meet her? With me. Tomorrow. And tell me what you think of her PR strategy? Whether, you know… whether you say yes or no.”

Yes or no. Back with him as a partner, or only as a co-parent. There it was again…

So far, Lisa had been able to avoid any direct answer, but it was useless: she knew Michael enough to be sure he would not relent. He had been clear about his intentions and desires, both in words and deeds. He had not gotten married. He was back. He had told her he loved her and that he wanted to be with her. Now the ball was in her court… and she was tired, so very tired of fighting what she had wished all along.

She stared at him, scanning his eyes. Looking for uncertainties, doubts, insecurities. She didn’t find any. Only openness and honesty were there.

“Michael…”

“Yes…” He stood perfectly immobile, his warm hands still holding hers.

“Mike…” Lisa closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Then she jumped into the abyss. Free fall. “I love you. I am in love with you. You’re…” she chuckled, breathlessly. “You’re my baby daddy and… you’re also my whole heart.”

His hands tightened their grip.

“So… Yes.”

His eyes widened.

“Yes?”

Lisa laughed, lowly, then looked down, suddenly shy.

“Yes. For the second time… or third… Or whatever… Yes.”

He seemed to freeze for a moment. Then he let go of her hands.

“OK… wow. Are you sure? No, don’t say anything. Amazing. Just…” He shook his head. “Hold on a second, then. Let me do this for real…”

“What?” Lisa chuckled and leaned back against the headboard. She bit her lip, still smiling as he rolled on his back and pushed his hand in his pocket. He extracted something and held it in his closed fist, then rolled over on his stomach.

“Give me your hand…”

“What now, crazy man? Showing up at my place like this… Fucking my brains out… And now even expecting me to-”

He laughed. “Gimme your hand! Come on!”

She held out her hand and he took it. Then he opened his other hand and there it was – her engagement ring. The one she had thrown at him during their last, terrifying fight before the divorce papers were filed. Her vision blurred, and she almost didn’t notice how much he trembled while he let the ring slide on her finger. Back where it belonged.

Michael took a shaky breath.

“Here… I had it with me… just in case… like a lucky charm. Anyway…. it’s yours, baby.” He smiled. “So… you gonna be all mine again?”

This time she wasn’t afraid to look at him. At that beautiful face. Those beautiful eyes. That beautiful soul.

“I am yours.”

Michael’s smile lit up his eyes, and the only thing she wanted was to feel him. All of him.

Michael glanced down at Lisa with a grin, his body perfectly still. She was snuggled against his chest as the movie kept blaring in the dark family room. Riley and Ben were there, too. Both sound asleep, snoring lightly. Riley was sprawled on the couch, one little foot pushing against Michael’s side, while Ben’s head was in his mom’s lap. An idyllic family picture.

Slowly, paying maximum attention not to wake up the kids, Michael let his hand slide down until he was able to reach Lisa’s prominent belly. There. That was what pure perfection looked like, in a nutshell. She lifted her head and smiled up at him, and he almost could not believe he was finally home. He had high expectations when he had returned to Los Angeles. But this was even more than he could hope for. She had said yes, and the diamond ring now sparkled on her finger as her hand rested over his stomach.

After talking in bed, they had somehow managed to take a quick shower together and get dressed before the kids returned. Michael had even taken the time to shave because he had to admit, he hadn’t paid too much attention to his style lately. Too much shit to take care of, to think about his stubble.

But as Riley and Ben finally walked into the foyer, he was there, simply waiting for them, holding their mother’s hand. Just like he had done so often when he and Lisa were married. He had loved being the stepfather. And could not wait to resume that role again.

Wisely, Lisa had called Danny beforehand and informed him that Michael was back and would stay for the night. Nobody needed any more drama. Michael had noticed the look in Danny’s eyes, as he brought the kids into the mansion and glanced at Lisa’s ring, then spoke to her in a hushed tone for a minute. It was apparent that the man knew what was going on and that he still didn’t like Michael. Which was only fair, given the circumstances. Michael wasn’t particularly fond of Keough either – he considered him intrusive, annoying, and way too present in Lisa’s life for his taste. But strangely enough, he could get his motivations a bit better, now.

Michael just stared at Danny for a second, then crouched down, his arms opening as the kids ran to him as if they had seen him just the day before. As if it was the most natural thing in the world for Michael to be there. Yeah… children were special that way, and his heart healed some more as Riley told him how much she loved him while Ben, well… Ben started talking non-stop about a new toy he absolutely needed Michael to see.

The rest of the evening went on smoothly. The kids listened carefully as Lisa and Michael explained everything about the soon-to-be-born baby. Riley seemed to perfectly understand that, in a few months, she would have a little sister to take care of, and was quite excited at the idea of finally sharing her spaces with another girl. Ben looked pretty much unbothered – which had to be expected from a four-year-old. Then, exhaustion took over. Despite their resilience, both children were emotionally overwhelmed by Michael’s presence, and the fact that they both clung to him and Lisa throughout the whole Disney movie was a dead giveaway of the relief and comfort they felt.

Michael gently touched Lisa’s chin until their eyes met.

“I’m gonna tuck them in, OK?” He whispered.

She kissed his chest. “I can take Ben… He’s not too heavy.”

“No need. I’ll take them both. You already have Paris…” Resting his lips on the top of her head for a moment, he quietly disentangled himself from her embrace and got up, taking both children in his arms and scooping them up. Neither of the two woke up and Michael and Lisa quietly walked upstairs and to the kids’ bedroom.

They made sure Riley and Ben were both comfortable and snuggled, sleeping peacefully, then they closed the door and, hand in hand, strolled down the hallway and toward their bedroom.

The pleasure. The heat. The contact. It was never enough. She had never even thought about sex, during the previous two months but right now, it was just never enough. And she knew it was not only because making love during pregnancy actually felt better. It was all about making love with the right person. With the only man she had always wanted to be with – and who also happened to be the father of her child.

Lisa ran her hands over Michael’s sweaty shoulders and panted against his hair, her lips on the top of his head, as his mouth, teeth, tongue kept torturing her. As his erratic breathing caressed her skin. As his scent wrapped all around her senses, like a satellite around a newly-discovered planet.

His hands were on her waist, holding her steadily. Knowing just what he needed – what they both needed – Lisa rose on her knees ever so slightly, giving him more space to maneuver himself underneath her body, and to better move inside of her. He backed off just enough for her to notice his dark eyes staring, mesmerized, at her breasts bouncing before him with each thrust. The wall of fire approached and she bit her lips, stifling a moan.

Once in their bedroom, they had been all over each other immediately, and it had felt different than the first time around. This time their touch was no tentative or hesitant in any way. This time, there was no need to claim anything any longer. They were a couple in love and finally making love after having spent too much time apart.

The moment they had locked the door, Michael had turned Lisa around without a word. Kissing the nape of her neck, nipping at it, he had placed her hands against the wall and had let his own hands slide down her back. Undressing her again slowly, methodically. Once she was naked before him, she had heard him take off his t-shirt, then the unmistakable sound of his zipper being pulled down. She had shivered, goosebumps decorating her whole body in painful anticipation.

His low voice in her ear had done the rest.

“Spread your legs…”

She was glad she had no problems moving or standing up, yet. Closing her eyes, she had complied, her head dropping forward, allowing him to kiss her neck, her shoulders. She loved to feel him in complete control. His firm, muscular body against her. When it came to lovemaking, there was nothing like letting Michael be just the way he wanted to be. Domineering and sweet, demanding and gentle, strong and delicate at the same time.

“Take me…” She had spoken in a whisper, her torso leaning forward a bit, standing with her feet apart. “Do it now… I need you so much…”

And he had done just that. He had taken her in a rush of passion, with an earnestness that had blown her away. He had not allowed himself to reach the finish line, but had made sure she was a panting, writhing mess against the wall before gently moving her toward the bed.

Now, as she once again sat in his lap and straddled him, after having reciprocated his treatment with her kisses and her mouth, after having brought him to the brink of insanity with her lips and tongue, the only thing she could think about was how grateful she was. To have him. To be having their kid. To be loved by him. To be wanted by this man whose soul was, ultimately, the gentlest and the most unique she had ever encountered in her life.

“I love you…” Letting herself go completely, sweeping away every inhibition, every defense, dropping her guard completely, Lisa held his head closer, kissed his ear, whispering, whispering. “I love you, I love you…”

Michael’s grip on her waist intensified, and so did his movements. He thrust up and rotated his hips, his face buried against her chest, his breath ragged and erratic. He didn’t say a word. Not then, letting his body speak for him. And Lisa felt it all.

He let her control the speed and depth of penetration and, all the while, reached down and between their bodies, caressing her, stroking her. Lisa’s back arched, and for a quick second she realized she was digging her nails in his back. He didn’t mind, and he let her ride the wave of pleasure once again. Lisa’s lower body froze for a moment, then bucked against him violently as she sobbed. Still caught in the white haze, she pushed him back until he lay down on the bed and she rested her palms on his chest, pinning him underneath her body. Staring at him with glazed over eyes.

“Stay… Michael… I wanna feel you…”

“Babe… I swear you’re gon’ kill me. Damn…”

“I know…” She panted, “I know… You’re so damn big… Baby, you feel so good… I…” She winced, then her motions quickened once again and it was his turn, now, to moan out loud. “Let me have it… I wanna feel you come.”

He opened her eyes and looked up at her. His face was flushed, his curls clung to his sweaty forehead and his glistening body made him look like a perfect marble statue. A human divinity. She didn’t think she had ever seen anything more beautiful than he was to her at that very moment. It was like seeing him again for the very first time. It was like having loved him forever and falling for him all over again. It was like her brain had finally registered that he was back and he would not leave. And from the look in his eyes, it occurred to her that he might have realized the exact same thing, at the exact same time.

Whatever wall had been built to separate them emotionally no longer existed. At that very moment, they were one.

Michael’s hips jerked up and she felt him stand perfectly immobile for a couple of seconds. Beneath her hands, his muscles quivered and contracted as his body got ready for its release. Their souls entangled, he finally let go, pushing deeper into her, again and again as his breaths and moans edged her further, the in and out motions creating a domino effect on her and they came together, they were pulverized, they were dust and stars, nothing and everything at the same time. They were one.

Afterward, they just lay still for a very long time, in complete silence. Lisa, laying on her side, half-draped over his still damp chest, her fingers stroking his skin, tracing the lines and slopes on his muscles. Michael on his back, one hand on her belly, possessively. Their breathing still quick and irregular. His taste was on her tongue and he was everything she felt. Everything she wanted.

“Mike…”

“Yes, baby…” His fingers tangled in her hair and his arm pulled her closer.

“I wish… I wish we…”

“I know.” How he had guessed what she wanted to say, how had he guessed that she now wished they had become pregnant sooner, only God knew. But she knew he did. “But maybe… you know, maybe now it’s the right time. We’re growing together now.”

She lifted her head and stared at him. He really meant it.

“Yeah… You’re right.” She reached out, touching his now clean-shaven face. “So… what are your plans for the next few months? I know you have a lot of stuff to do…”

He smirked, his fingers tracing her spine, up and down.

“Oh yeah… You mean we, right? We got baby classes to attend. And I’ll have to know everything about baby food. We’ll also have to start looking for highly-skilled nannies and nurses… you know, to help us out… And-”

“Wow, slow down…” She laughed. “What are you saying? Michael, I do have your schedule, you know? You have to be in Switzerland, then in Italy, France… and all that, before the last leg of your tour even starts…”

He sighed, but kept smiling.

“You don’t get it. When I said that I was gonna make some major changes, I meant it. I ain’t leaving unless it’s strictly necessary. Anywhere else, my representatives will do. And if someone doesn’t like it… fuck them. I’ll be there for the birth of my son… and for the birth of my daughter. You’re stuck with me until the end of May, baby. And then I’ll ask you to be with me again, wherever I go. Deal with it.”

Lisa hoped the expression on her face was neutral enough to hide how ecstatic and delighted she felt, at least a little tiny bit.

“Are you shitting me?”

“Nope.” He leaned up and tried to kiss her.

“I don’t know if I want you around 24/7…” She pushed him back, playfully, and he laughed.

“Well, you better start getting used to it, woman. I ain’t going anywhere.”

This time she was the one leaning forward and kissing him thoroughly, profusely. Then she pulled back and studied his face.

“What?” Michael chuckled.

“Nothing. I am just…” She shook her head, too overwhelmed to verbalize exactly how she felt. “Nothing. What about that meeting with your new publicist, tomorrow?”

“What about it?”

“I don’t know, Michael, you tell me! I am trying to keep up with you here, but it’s not that easy, you know?”

He ran his hand through her wild hair, then caressed her cheek.

“I am gonna come clean with the press. And I want you to be there as we discuss exactly how we’re gonna do this.”

Lisa just stared at him, suddenly speechless.