Arcana | 15 – The Temperance

Arcanum 15 – The Temperance

This card often appears as a sign of healing or reconciliation. We are protected. It urges the search for balance amid apparent opposites. People frequently live with an internal rift, for example between the intellect and the rest of the self or, to the contrary, between the body and the rest of the personality, if one is very athletic; between the front and back of the stage for people who are often performing; between a very elevated spiritual concept and imperious sexual desires; and so forth. In all cases Temperance is calling us to take the middle path, to seal the union with ourselves, then starting from this point to deal with the rest of the world.
This Arcanum also sends a warning to all those who know they are imbalanced because of their own actions.

Okinawa, Japan – Hyakunagaran Hotel – December 7th, 1988

Michael kept his eyes closed. His arms spread in a Christ-like position on the bed, he took a deep breath, held it for a bit, then let it go and his whole body relaxed. Finally. After hours on end. Michael supposed that giving in was only healthy, because living with a permanent hard-on sure was going to cause some significant damage at some point. Even though, at that very moment, he didn’t care at all.

Sitting astride his lap, completely naked, Lisa bent over and started to kiss his neck as her hands caressed his shoulders, massaged his muscles. Her lips were warm. Her tongue was even more heated as it touched his skin. The contact between her breasts and his chest felt heavenly.

He was on cloud nine and it was just so easy to ban every other thought from his mind. Everything that wasn’t Lisa… and their baby.

His baby.

Although he still couldn’t formulate in words what he felt inside, the thought never abandoned him, not even for a second. He and Lisa were going to have a baby, and he would soon be a father.

Even after days, at times Michael still couldn’t wrap his head around it. And yet, from a rational point of view, every little thing that he and Lisa had been doing since that heartfelt conversation in her apartment had been driven by the same, unspoken intention. Which was building something from themselves, and hoping it wouldn’t sink into quicksands this time.

It had to be different. It just had to be.

That evening, at Lisa’s, she and Michael had ended up making love. Of course. Had there been a moment when they hadn’t done just that, whenever they had shared the same space, since that very first hit at the ranch? Michael could not even remember. As a matter of fact, it seemed to him that every time he and Lisa were close, they were always skin on skin. Nothing else mattered in those moments.

After they had taken each other slowly, intensely, savoring every second of their reconnection at a more profound level than they had ever done before, they had managed to talk some more.

Just drowning into her body time and time again had allowed Michael to push every single doubt away. He wanted every single bit of what was happening. In all its intensity and complications. He wanted his woman and… yeah, he did want their baby.

At first he had been too shocked to react appropriately, and he was very much aware of not having faced the music in the most straightforward manner. Thankfully, Lisa also had seemed satisfied with him just acknowledging that he was the father, instead of running scared. He understood that despite every rationalization, they both were still in utter emotional chaos over what was happening to them. However, Michael’s first goal was to convince Lisa that getting married to another man was not the right choice, and that he wasn’t trying to get her back because he had found out that she was pregnant. One step at a time.

“Come with me…”

They had been lying on their side, facing each other, just staring into each other’s eyes in the silence of the night. He couldn’t stop looking at her. She had never been more beautiful in his eyes. She still looked very young and fresh-faced, but there was something just so womanly about her right now. So intrinsically adult. So aware and ancient.

“Where?”

Lisa’s lopsided smirk had seemed some sort of half-assed act of self-defense.

“Away from here. From everyone. And especially from that wedding ceremony.”

She had blinked, her face calm.

“Why? Like I said, I… We don’t need anything from you.”

Right. She and the baby didn’t need anything from him. That much, Michael knew.

Reaching out, he had touched her cheek in the most loving gesture.

“Has it ever occurred to you that I need you?”

Closing her eyes Lisa had smiled, shaking her head.

“No, because you really don’t. You don’t need anyone, Mike.”

Her words had managed to surprise him.

Was it that, what she really thought? That he was independent and self-sufficient to the point that no other presence was necessary in his life? That his art, his music, himself, took all the space? Was it that the message that he had silently conveyed to her through the last events? It pained him to think about that possibility. It pained him that Lisa couldn’t see him for what he really was at times: scared. Scared to be used, often wary of the women gravitating around him. Afraid that they would use him, that they could never love him for him.

Or maybe he had never been able to tell her exactly how he felt, and how deep his wounds ran. How scared – and scarred – he was.

It had never happened with her. Not for a moment he had felt used by her and not for a second he had thought she wanted something from him except for his love, his presence, his devotion.

And if for one split second after her revelation he had been taken aback, terrified that he would not be able to cope with the contrasting feelings that he felt – surprise and overwhelming joy, confusion and concern, sadness realizing she had been trusting Danny over him – soon sheer happiness had been everything that he experienced. Just having Lisa there had cut his skin and made him bleed in the most wonderful manner. And deep down in his soul, albeit unpredicted and unplanned, the news about the pregnancy had magnified his joy tenfold.

Yes, Lisa had been right: Michael loved children and of course, he wanted to be a father someday. Have a family of his own. A large one, at that. But up until this point, the concrete possibility had never really materialized in his mind. He was just so absorbed in what he did, his music took all the space. It almost seemed to him to be married to his art.

But there had to be a way to maneuver himself – themselves – into this new, unexpected, magnificent and terrifying reality. To adjust. Because sure as hell, no shock could compare to the intense feeling of pride he felt at the idea of having the woman he loved carrying the result of their love.

Now, if only had he been able to give voice to his thoughts…

“You’re wrong. I just never told you. I mean…” Sighing, Michael had waited for Lisa to find his eyes again. “I told you I missed you so many times. That I couldn’t wait for you to be with me again. Which is also so very true. But what I have never said was that I need you… And that’s because I love you. Now I know… I should have.”

Michael didn’t remember in detail what had happened afterward. Lisa hadn’t spoken much, but she had studied his eyes for a long time, possibly looking for some sign of deceit. Then she had scooted closer again and had kissed him. And they had once again made love, slow and languid, all the way through the night. He had allowed her to guide the rhythm and actions of their lovemaking, and had adored how cared for he had felt. It was so different from everything he had experienced before with any other woman.

When at one point he had found himself kissing down Lisa’s body and reaching her abdomen, he had stilled his movements. Touching her skin, caressing her. An even more profound realization, on a more emotional level, of what was going on had started to seep through, planting a seed inside of him. They were going to have a baby.

He had kissed her belly over and over again and he had done it one more time the next morning, waking her up that way, loving how her fingers tangled in his hair, caressing him. He remembered the smile she had bestowed on him. It had been the confirmation he needed, and the door that he had once seen slowly closing in front of him was now wide open.

He and Lisa had left together that same day. At first they had gone to his ranch, hiding there and just deciding what they were going to do. Lisa had called her mother, then Danny, telling them that they needed to talk and being unwavering in her intention of doing it in person. Despite Michael’s protest.

He would have preferred to just cut the metaphorical umbilical cord over the phone, but she was different. He was a master at icing people out when they became too demanding, or simply when he didn’t want to have anything to do with them any longer. Contrarily, Lisa was a straight-shooter and preferred face-offs, direct confrontations. She was feisty and fearless. It fascinated and intrigued him, that side of her. He and Lisa were just so different and complementary.

And so she had left, just to return to the ranch several hours later. Her eyes were reddened and puffy and she looked exhausted, but she also seemed lighter somehow.

He was about to ask her what had happened exactly and why she had cried, but right away she had noticed that something must have gone on with him too.

“What happened while I was away?”

She had narrowed her eyes, staring at him.

Oh, right… There wasn’t much that he could hide from her. And how relieving it was that it felt so good not wanting to do it at all.

Michael had pulled her close and taken her into his arms, kissing her softly on the lips.

“How do you feel, Lise?”

“I’m good. What happened?”

He had smiled.

“Nothin’… I just thinned out some of the people around me… around us… Blew away the cobwebs and shit…” One more kiss. “I missed you.”

“Have you, now…”

“I did. You’ll see…”

Oh, he had blown away some shit, alright. While Lisa was at Priscilla’s, Steph had called, asking when they could meet at Los Olivos. In the past few days or so Michael had been able to avoid her, not really in the mood for her emotional manipulations and pervasiveness. His staff had told him that Steph and her family had shown up at the ranch at least twice while he was away, and that had stopped him cold – because it had made him feel slightly stalked. He had promised himself to keep avoiding them until they got tired of the constant chase, but that day he had just been so distracted… And so he had simply answered the phone – hoping it would be Lisa.

No such luck.

Of course, Steph had also been fishing for information, trying to see if she and her family could resume the tour with Michael and be with him for the last shows. Once again, she wanted something from Michael. And he had realized that he didn’t want to have them around any longer. Not that way, at least. As a matter of fact, he had so many other things to focus on right now. Things that were crucial and overriding. Things that went before that do ut des kind of friendship.

Feeling way more uncomfortable than he had initially expected, Michael had sat down and told Steph that his life was taking a new direction. Calmly, he had explained that he needed to stay focused on what he was going to do next. He had been careful not to mention Lisa, as Steph had displayed some worrying signs of jealousy in the past – and also because he didn’t trust the lady enough to reveal that he and Lisa had gotten back together, but he had been adamant. Of course, Steph and her family could still count on him, but they needed to part ways.

She had tried to guilt-trip him, but it hadn’t really worked. Once again the metaphor of the door was fitting, only this way there was a lock near the handle and he had turned the key. He had felt so relieved afterward. And it had stupefied him how, in the past, he had been unable to see that friendship for what it really was. It had always been motivated by stuff that had nothing to do with affection and genuine respect. Greed and personal interest, lust for luxury and the possibility of a celebrity status ran way deeper than any genuine concern for human interaction.

And Michael had realized that he was done. That he was getting tired of being surrounded by users and handlers and parasitic presences.

However, despite feeling as if a burden had been lifted off his shoulders, he was also so concerned about what was going on with Lisa. That came before everything else.

“You know what?” Lisa had spoken while he was still holding her in his arms. Her voice bringing him back to the present. And to her. Always to her.

Inhaling the scent of her hair, Michael had kissed her head.

“What?”

“I forgot to tell you, last night… But I had an interview planned for today.”

“What?” He had pulled back, frowning. “What do you mean, an interview?”

Lisa had laughed, but it had come out a bit strained.

“Oh, I know you’re not so familiar with those… I mean that a journalist from People was supposed to meet with me. And talk… You know, about the wedding.”

Michael had kept staring at her.

“And it didn’t happen.”

“Well… Obviously not.”

He had bitten his lips, nodding his head.

“So… How did it go? At your mom’s.”

Lisa had shrugged.

“I think you already know the answer.”

And that had pretty much been it.

Only later that night, when Michael had thought that she was already asleep, she had told him that Priscilla had thrown a tantrum, and how her words had hurt Lisa. He hadn’t needed to know the details. He could imagine them all.

“But the worst part was Danny, Mike… He didn’t deserve this.”

Michael had been holding her from behind. Almost out of his own volition, his hand had come down, covering Lisa’s belly in a possessive gesture. He understood Lisa’s choice and knew that Danny had acted gracefully, accepting to raise the baby with her. But he wasn’t the father. Michael was.

“Maybe he didn’t deserve being stuck in a marriage that someone else had decided for him. Maybe you both deserve better than this.”

“You’re right… and I told him. He knows it’s the truth. But still… The last thing I wanted was to make him look like a fool.”

“You didn’t. He doesn’t look like a fool at all. He’ll be fine, Lisa… I get that he’s hurt… And I know you never wanted to hurt him. Neither did I. It just is what it is. We didn’t plan to hurt nobody, you and I. I’m so sorry some people got caught in the crossfire… But we gotta think about us now…” He had taken a deep breath. “We gotta think about our family.”

It had been the very first time he said the word out loud. And the moment it had left his mouth, he had realized the immense joy it produced.

No. He would not be like his brothers. He would not be another Joseph.

“Mike… Where are you? You seem so far away…”

She spoke the words while keeping her eyes closed, and in between kisses. Bestowed on Michael’s skin. His chest, his shoulders. Her hands roaming over his torso, enjoying the play of his muscles, finally relaxing under her touch. He had been so very present while they were making love, earlier, but now he felt a bit distant. Not remote, just pensive.

She understood. The past handful of days had been a roller-coaster and she had to remember that she hadn’t been the only one strapped into the cart.

At times, Lisa still could not believe how everything had undergone such a complete turnaround. She would have never imagined it. Her sense of defeat wouldn’t have allowed her to consider any different scenario from the one she was shackled to. And yet things had changed. From planning a wedding to a guy she loved but was not in love with, to leaving for Japan with Michael. Earlier than his tour required him to be there, just to spend some time on their own in a country that loved him enough to grant him a little bit of privacy.

They had been holed up in one of the luxury suites of the Hyakunagaran Hotel for a few days now. Just replacing the smoggy landscape of Los Angeles with the peaceful quietness of a location that was almost one with the sea and the mountains surrounding it. The fusion with nature was what they needed. She and Michael had to find a balance after being trapped for too long in a pendulum that kept swinging back and forth between intense joy and intense despair. She appreciated the moderation and calmness they had been experiencing since they had secretly landed in Okinawa.

It had been heavenly and scary at the same time, but Michael was right, when he had told her that they needed to leave. The days they had spent in Los Angeles after their unexpected reconnection had been turbulent to say the least.

At first there had been Lisa’s confrontation with her mother and Danny. And as much as she had seen a faint shadow of relief on Danny’s face, Priscilla had not been pleased in the slightest. The news of the baby had almost knocked her off her feet, forcing her to sit down after she had gotten all pale all of a sudden. For a moment, Lisa had been afraid her mother would pass out.

Priscilla’s last attempt at sanity had been to ask if the baby was Danny’s. And he had replied at Lisa’s place.

“No… It’s not mine. It’s Michael’s.”

In different circumstances, Lisa would have snapped at him, telling him that he didn’t have the right to speak at her place, but she could give him some slack this time, all things considered. He had been more than understanding, even though Lisa was aware that he was not particularly happy about having his soon-to-be wife carry a baby that wasn’t his. And that for obvious reasons would never pass as his. But Danny also loved Lisa, in a way that was so different from Michael’s. And possibly, so different from what she needed.

When she had driven back to the ranch, just seeing Michael standing there, waiting for her, had made it all worth it. Having him hold her close through the night, sometimes kissing her shoulder, his warm lips on her skin, had made it all worth it. And when he had rested his hand on her belly for the first time, caressing her gently, and she had known that his gesture was purposeful… Lisa had found herself struggling to hold the tears at bay.

Whatever fear and trust issues she was still experiencing, she was exactly where she had wanted to be all along. Taking the risk.

Because she loved him. And he loved her. And it seemed to her that, as the days went by, he became more and more acquainted with the idea of having their baby. Of becoming a father. The realization had been nothing but a tiny seed planted in his heart at first and, for a bit, Lisa had feared Michael would end up recoiling.

But instead he had surprised her once again.

Soon enough, the tiny seed had started to blossom into a beautiful flower. And when the plane had taken off, directed to Okinawa, he had already been talking about names. Producing flocks of butterflies in Lisa’s stomach.

Yes, she was young. But for the very first time in her life, she felt she had become an adult. If not for the love she felt for Michael, for the perspective that she would soon become a mother.

Speaking of which…

Before leaving Los Angeles, Michael had insisted that Lisa went with him to his family home in Encino. Although she and Michael had planned to keep their pregnancy and relationship a secret as long as humanly possible – just not to be railroaded by too many external forces like the first time around – he had been clear about his need to come clean at least with his mother. And he had wanted Lisa to be with him.

How could she say no to him? Even worse – how could she not be part of this, when Katherine had been the catalyst that had recreated the supernova that she and Michael could be together?

When they had arrived, Katherine was waiting for them in the living room. She had served tea and had not been shy about how happy she was to see them together again. However, she was also a bit nervous, Lisa could tell. As if she knew the other shoe was going to drop one way or another.

And she was right.

Michael was tense and Lisa too was barely able to keep herself in check. She had opted for staying quiet, letting him lead the conversation and keeping her interactions at the minimum.

“So, Lisa Marie… I take it you’re no longer getting married to Mr. Keough?” Katherine had smiled, softly and a bit surreptitiously, as they sipped their tea.

“Not anymore, no…” Reaching out, Lisa had taken Michael’s hand and he had held onto her fingers. Offering comfort. Looking for comfort.

“Is he OK?”

“He will be.”

Lisa had hoped her tone conveyed calmness and composure. Katherine, of course, understood that the current situation required that someone could end up getting hurt. It was inevitable. But hopefully, in the end the damage would also be fixable.

“Mother…” Michael had cleared his throat. He hadn’t even touched his tea. “I really don’t wanna beat around the bush here. There’s something very important Lisa and I would like to tell you before we leave for Japan…”

“Oh, you’re leaving already? I thought you were supposed to stay in Los Angeles for a little longer?”

Katherine’s tone still sounded normal, collected, but Lisa had seen the flash of sudden panic into her eyes. And she had hoped that the blow wouldn’t be as hard as it could potentially be.

“Yes. Indeed. But things… have changed, mother. And Lisa and I need some time for ourselves… We need to start making plans for the future.”

“Well then….” Katherine had put her cup of tea on the small coffee table. “You should go. After the… ah, confusion of the past few months, you deserve to spend some time together. Straighten things out… Communicate…”

“Yes, we do. It’s not only about that, though.” Michael had taken in a deep breath. “We’re gonna have a baby. Lisa and I… We’re pregnant, mom.”

Lisa had never heard him call Katherine that. Only ‘Mother’. However, she had also never felt so much emotion in his voice. Yeah, things were definitely changing for him… At the speed of light. And in the most unorthodox way.

Michael’s hand on her cheek brought Lisa back to the present. She opened her eyes and looked up at him. Lying back, his naked skin beautifully contrasting with the white satin sheets, his hair a mess, his eyes deep and serene.

“I’m here.” He studied her face and she found herself thinking that he was just gorgeous in the pinkish light of the early morning. “With you.”

Turning her face, Lisa kissed the palm of his hand. She wanted to find the words, and she couldn’t. It was too much at times. So many things, magical and scary, raining on them. She just prayed they could make it. If not for themselves, at least for their baby.

“All this is just so surreal…” Lisa’s hand came to rest over Michael’s and she brought his hand down, on her chest. His fingers spread on her naked skin and she knew that he was listening to her heartbeat.

“I know. But it’s very real. And it’s everything I know. You. Our baby. And these moments we steal… I love having you all for myself, Lise… And I don’t know what got into me the first time around. I still can’t believe I let you go.”

“I let you go too.”

Michael’s gaze dropped and he seemed to ponder over her words.

“I don’t know why we gave up so quickly. We should have never done that.”

“This baby puts everything into perspective, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah…” He looked up again, his eyes shining. He smiled. “And I was just thinking… This whole thing has like… the worst timing ever and yet the best.”

Lisa blinked. That was such a weird thing to say, especially coming from him. Michael noticed her confusion and pulled her close for a kiss. Then backed off just enough to once again focus on her eyes.

“Because it shocked us back to reality. Forced us to face what’s really important, Lise. But even without the baby… You must know. I came back for a reason, that night. I just couldn’t put my finger on it until I saw you. But when I did… man, it all became so clear.”

“Did it? For real?”

Lisa’s lopsided smirk made him laugh and he sat up, bringing her into his lap fully. Kissing her lips again and again.

“For real.”

“How so?”

Michael shook his head, then framed her face with both hands. Pulling her close, he kissed her again. Lisa realized that he seemed unable to stop, lately. He would be continually kissing her, touching her, holding her. He had always been very sweet and affectionate, and even more so he had always been a passionate lover. Scorching hot intensity had been what they had shared since the very first time they had made love.

This, however, was different. There was gentleness, devotion, complete awareness in him now. Lisa too was working very hard to abandon all her defenses and hoped she could be where he seemed to be, one day.

“I don’t know. Not completely at least.” He pushed a strand of long hair behind her ear. “But that day, at my mother’s… Even though I was expecting her reaction, I was totally unprepared to Joseph’s…”

Oh, right. Yeah, of course. Lisa remembered how positively stunned Michael had been, when they had left the Encino family home, directed to his Hideout. When, while they were leaving the house, they had bumped into his father, standing by the gates.

They were in Lisa’s car and she was driving and of course, she had stopped when Michael’s father had waved at her.

“No, don’t… Just keep going…”

“Mike… He’s your dad. Come on.”

Michael had sunk into the passenger seat as Lisa rolled down the car window. As she did, she had leaned over and had spoken into his ear.

“Don’t be a baby.”

Her tone was sweet. Then she had kissed his cheek and that, alone, had managed to relax him a little bit.

Joseph, his blue eyes piercing, had smiled at Lisa.

“Miss Lisa… Hello. You look radiant.”

“Thank you, Mr. Jackson.”

“It’s Joseph, for you. I told you.”

Lisa had just smiled at him in return.

“OK… Thank you, Joseph.”

Nodding his head, Joseph had then walked around the car, stopping near Michael’s door. He had signaled him to roll down the window and Michael had complied, half-heartedly.

“Son…”

“Joseph…”

Taking a deep breath, Joseph had rested both hands on the car door.

“Wanna get out for a minute so we can talk?”

“I think I’m fine where I am, thank you.”

Michael’s tone was calm, bland, but Lisa had perceived the nervous undercurrent. She and Michael had never spoken about Joseph and the relationship Michael had with him, but she had heard rumors… And she could tell that, as much Michael loved his mother, he was never really comfortable when his father was around. And yes, Joseph was indeed one of a kind.

She had seen his blue eyes darting in her direction, then the older Jackson had just shrugged, nonchalantly.

“Fine. Whatever you want, Michael.” Joseph had cocked his head to a side, biting his lip and, for a second, to Lisa he had looked just like Michael. The resemblance had become uncanny. “I just want you to know, that it’s OK not to be perfectly compliant with everyone sometime. You always were different, son. Always a lil’ more than what people thought. In fact, you not being totally compliant with me brought you where you are now.”

Michael had looked up at his father, his brow furrowing slightly. It was evident that he had not been expecting that.

“You’re strong. And with such fierce girl by your side, you’re gon’ be OK. I bet she’s ready to whoop your ass if you ever deserve it.”

Grinning, he had stared at his son for quite some time, then his gaze had shifted back to Lisa and he had smiled, showing his perfect white teeth. His face had relaxed and she had noticed how Joseph seemed to embody the flawless concoction of danger and charm. Michael’s love for him mixing with fear and possibly resentment had never been as clear as at that very moment.

“Ya’ll be OK in the end.” Joseph’s eyes had dropped on Lisa’s belly for a second. On her almost non-existent baby bump. “All of you.”

He had pushed himself back from the car.

“Have a nice safe drive back home, guys.”

Michael observed the island from the porthole of the plane. Surrounded by the Pacific Ocean, it looked like a small planet in a sea of blue.

They were going to fly for about two hours and then they would land in Tokyo, where his staff was waiting for them. The small security detail he and Lisa had brought with them to Okinawa was happily chatting a few rows behind, and Michael tuned out the sound, focusing on the beautiful sight granted by that privileged point of view.

Blue ocean. Green islands. White clouds.

He was saddened his little vacation with Lisa had come to an end, but he needed to keep going and wrap up his tour. He had several shows planned in Japan that would keep him busy for the whole month of December, and then once again he would have some more time off. Which he planned to spend with Lisa, before starting the final series of concerts at the Sports Arena in Los Angeles.

And then he would finally be done.

The tour had been a success and he was pretty proud of himself. For the first time in months, he felt like he was about to touch the finish line. He knew this would be his last world tour and maybe, after all, he had been right when he had told Lisa that their baby had arrived at the worst and yet perfect moment.

Even though soon Michael would start working on his new album, the pieces of the puzzle had now the chance to come together beautifully. He would be able to manage everything. His music. His relationship with Lisa. The birth of their son.

He knew that Lisa still had doubts, that she still was not entirely at ease in the situation. She had seen the look of disappointment on Katherine’s face when they had told her that they had not talked about marriage yet. But Lisa had to understand – things would eventually be perfect.

For now, laying low was the best thing they could do. The news about the pregnancy hadn’t leaked, but of course the journalist from People – the one who was supposed to secure that exclusive interview with Lisa – had quickly put two and two together. That the wedding had fallen through and that it would just not happen. An opinion piece on the newspaper had followed rapidly and the media were now speculating in a way and to the extent that was unstoppable, uncontrollable. There was nothing that could be done about that. Nothing that would make the press stop. Not even the truth.

Well… In Michael’s mind, they could pontificate and guess as much as they wanted. He would stay strong, even though the derision at the possibility that Lisa had ditched a good, wholesome guy like Keough for a freak of nature hurt him more than he would ever be able to accept. Or admit.

But after all, Joseph was right. Michael didn’t necessarily have to comply with everything and everyone. He – and Lisa – just had to do what they needed to do. For now, what was mandatory was that they could find a balance in their new union. That Lisa could trust him again and that he learned to open up and let her all the way in. Because Michael now knew that if he and Lisa were solid, nothing would really be able to create a fracture in their relationship and separate them again. If they were solid, they would be ready to spot, recognize and defuse all the traps that they would surely find on their way.

They just had to be cautious. Just for a little bit longer. He just had to wrap up the tour and then the sky would be the limit.

Meanwhile, Michael was aware that he would have to work on his own deep-seated insecurities. The balance and stability that Lisa needed and deserved were of utmost importance and he just had to find a way to be able to give her what Keough had put on the plate.

There’s a small issue there, though, Mike. You can’t stay in one single place, it’s just not in you. You need to be on the move all the time.

Well, yeah. But maybe Lisa would be willing to accept that and just be on the move with him. See the world with him – or see the world through his eyes.

This time, when his internal voice spoke again, it had Bill’s voice.

But that’s not how it’s done. I have already told you. You expect her to adjust to you. While the truth is that you both need to find a new center, a pivotal essence around which everything moves.

Michael bit the inside of his cheek, letting the words sink in.

Remember, Michael. A baby changes everything. You both will need to create the space and conditions for that change. Otherwise you’ll fail.

No. No. They would not fail. They already had done that in the past, but everything was different now. He and Lisa had both changed.

He felt her moving by his side and snapped out of his thoughts, turning his head. He looked up at her.

“Hey… where are you going?”

“To the restroom… I will be right back, OK?”

Lisa touched his face lovingly, then leaned down and kissed him on the lips.

He just watched her go. He watched how her perfect hips swayed slightly and his gaze dropped on her solid calves, enhanced by the black platform heels she was wearing. She had joked about it, earlier that morning, telling him that soon she would be unable to wear anything but combat boots and sneakers, as her body would inevitably become bigger. But for now, she was fine. Her baby bump was still very small and almost unnoticeable… Unless she was naked. And that day, Lisa wore a simple, black jumper dress that made her curves – and the color of her eyes – stand out just beautifully.

Something stirred in Michael’s belly and he waited a minute, then followed Lisa to the restroom.

He excused himself with a flight attendant who was serving food and drinks to his bodyguards and hoped to look inconspicuous enough to be ignored. Apparently, it worked as nobody followed him.

Michael knocked on the door of the luxurious, but no doubt tiny bathroom of the business class.

Lisa opened right away, already grinning.

“I knew it.”

He smiled and cocked his head to a side, then allowed her to take his hand and drag him in.

It all happened fairly quickly, but he loved every minute of it. Hell, she did too – he could tell. As of late, they had taken the habit of making love slowly, languidly, with a different consciousness altogether. Being afraid that they could hurt the baby, they had displayed a tiny bit of apprehension, taken things slow.

But today was different. Before they left for the airport Lisa’s gynecologist had called her to find out if everything was fine. And he had told her that making love in the first trimester was absolutely safe and even recommended, because it released good chemicals for everyone. Most importantly, the doctor had told Lisa that nobody would get hurt at all – especially not the baby.

“It’s totally safe to stay connected to your partner, Lisa Marie,” the doctor had said. “As a matter of fact, the surge in hormones should send your sex drive higher than usual. If you and your partner are up to it, there really is no reason you shouldn’t have intercourse.”

It had been just so relieving to hear that.

Michael locked the door and turned around, and Lisa was all over him right away. Oh, her sex drive was higher than usual, alright. And so was his.

Her fingers tangling in his hair, her free hand roamed down, caressing the flat plane of his abdomen, tracing his muscles and making him ache for her touch. Thank goodness, she didn’t make him wait too long.

She got busy unbuckling his belt and all the while he unzipped his pants as they kept kissing, moaning softly in each other’s mouth, mindful not to make too much noise. The last thing they wanted was to be busted, but the first thing they needed was the release and the connection that always managed to sweep away everything but the deep chemistry they shared. Whenever they would make love, any issue just stopped existing and they became whole. They became one.

Lisa broke the kiss and stared into Michael’s eyes.

“I love you,” she whispered, and he thought he would drown. He had no way to express verbally how those simple words made him feel, how grounded he felt at that moment. He just blinked and then kissed her again, as her hand dipped into his underwear, finding him more than ready. Her fingers closed around him. The pleasure was so intense that he almost blacked out, and they hadn’t even started yet. He had never felt that way with any other woman before or since Lisa had appeared in his life like a fabulous pearl into an oyster that, up until that point, had been closed shut.

And this woman right here… she was so much more than he had ever expected. She was everything he wanted. He needed her and, knowing well that he could not disrobe her like he would have wanted, he started to caress her through the soft fabric of her dress. He felt her nipples harden in the palm of his hands as she kept touching him, her fingertips stroking his testicles, almost driving him to distraction.

“I love you too… And I can’t wait… I need to have you, baby… I gotta do it…”

He really did, with all his heart. Whether she believed him or not yet, he did love her for her. Still kissing her while he pushed up the fabric of her dress, he finally was able to touch her skin. Lisa’s free hand helped him out, pushing her g-string down her legs. Glancing down for a second, Michael watched the garment landing at her feet, and Lisa stepping out of it.

Then she backed off, crouching down in front of him. Her hands on his hips, holding him steady.

She looked up at him and Michael noticed that her eyes had turned into a weird hue that mixed blue and turquoise. Her lips were heavenly sin manifested and he knew that he would not be able to last long. And it was OK… It was OK to let go sometimes.

“I can’t wait either…”

Her mouth found him and Michael’s head fell back, slowly. His hands in her hair, guiding her movements, loving how forbidden and sexy this encounter felt, allowing the red-hot focal point of his pleasure to get closer and closer until he was on the brink of falling into the void. Knowing his body like she did, Lisa knew what to do and how to do it. She knew when to push him closer to the edge and when to back up a little, when to add more pressure and when to slow down, becoming almost lazy in her kisses and caresses.

“Oh, shit… Damn it…” Michael gritted his teeth as she, once again, turned up the heat. “No, wait… don’t make me come just yet… Back off, baby…”

Swallowing hard, he pushed her back gently and opened his eyes, squinting as if he had breathed through the flames. His head dropped forward and he found her face.

So beautiful…

“So are you, daddy… so are you…”

Michael blinked, realizing that the words had left his mouth without him even realizing it. And that nickname… Lisa had never used it before and it did something to him. Something amazing. Something stirring and arousing. A mixture of pride and dominance and desire, manifesting in the sudden urgency to show her just how much he wanted her.

Grunting, he grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to stand up, then turned her around. Without a word, he placed her hands on the sink. They found each other in the reflection in the mirror. The space in the small bathroom was limited, but enough for what they needed to do.

His eyes still locked with hers, Michael reached down and grabbed hold of himself and saw Lisa’s gaze drop, following his movements. She bit her lip and jutted out her perfect ass at him. Being completely vulnerable. Trusting him.

“Take me…”

He saw the words form on her mouth but didn’t hear them. It was more than enough.

Lifting her dress, Michael stared at her perfect body, finally exposed to him. Well, a part of it. But it had to do.

He guided himself inside of her slowly, making her feel every single inch of the love he felt for her, grateful that the mirror allowed him to observe her reactions. The way her brow furrowed as she welcomed him in, the way she licked her lips. The way her body seemed to tense at first while she accommodated his size, and then relax. She kept her eyes closed for the entire process and then opened them again as she sighed.

She stared at him, and he started to move, knowing it wouldn’t be long before they would come. And knowing that it would happen exactly at the same time.