Unraveling – Chapter 17

Chapter 17 – A work in progress

“No, I don’t think we’re gonna make it.” She looked at him and he could tell that she had struggled to say those words out loud. Because the very moment she had pronounced them, they had become very real. And they cut like a blade. “I am so sorry. I was convinced that there was hope for us… and for a while it was easy for me to pretend there was. But then I realized, this is just too much. And too late.”

Michael was stunned. Shocked, really. He too had thought that they were indeed getting better, but then unexpectedly, in the last period of time, everything had begun to be all murky again. Confused. Blurred, like standing behind a glass that was way too fogged over to really make out the details of anything.

However, he had not been expecting this at all. And so he just stood there, not really knowing what to do with Lisa’s words. One hand resting on the table, palm flat, he fought against the instinct of closing it into a fist and slam it, slam it, slam it until it hurt. He actively resisted the urge to get swept away by a severe temper tantrum, and maybe smash a couple of things here and there. He knew that he had been patient and quiet and even meek at times, for so long. Waiting for her to come back to him until she had indeed come back. Or so it had seemed for a while.

And now this. A bullet to his heart, pure and simple. He felt old, tired and deflated. Hopeless.

“Lisa… I don’t know what to say.”

She blinked. He knew that she was trying very hard to not cry. Once again, he could tell that this was not something that came easily to her, and that detail scared him even more. Because it meant that she had been thinking about it a lot before mustering up the courage to tell him.

“Me neither.”

“I guess the fact that I love you won’t change a thing, right? Just like the fact that you love me. ‘Cause I know you do. I can feel it.” He touched his heart. “Right here.”

“And you’re right. I do love you. So much. And no, it doesn’t change anything.” She sat down at the table. “We’re not going anywhere… And I don’t have the energy for this anymore.”

“What about… you know… our family…”

Lisa swallowed, and the little wrinkle on her forehead appeared – a testament to her own deep-seated insecurities and fears.

“We will all carry on… somehow. We’ll all learn to deal with it and we will move on. They’ll be alright. Our kids…”

Their kids. Not the two of them.

Michael exhaled a long, shaky breath. That was it, then.

He really wanted to sit down with her and have this serious, life-changing conversation in the frankest and most honest way possible, and mostly he wanted her to change her mind, yet his whole body felt frozen in place. He was afraid that very soon his vocal cords too would be paralyzed, and he would be witnessing the disintegration of his marriage to the only woman he had genuinely, profoundly wanted to be his wife. All without being able to say one single meaningful word. Something that Lisa could carry with her when she left, something that would stay with her forever, no matter what.

His own flaws and failures made him bleed inside.

He had never wanted to be that man, in such a situation. The man who couldn’t talk about his feelings out loud when it was time to, it didn’t matter how many times he had claimed that he could, in the past.

He remained standing by the table, and gently skimmed the wooden surface with his fingertips. In reality, he still wanted to smash it.

“I never thought… You know, I never really thought it would all end like this. When I married you, I hoped it would be forever.”

Lisa shook her head, hopelessly.

“Forever doesn’t really exist, Michael. Things change all the time. And people do, too.” The steel control in her voice was on the verge of breaking. “But if it is of any consolation, I too thought it would be forever. That we would be. Now I know, it is just not possible. Too much has happened. Too much we can’t get over and we can’t forget. This isn’t only about how I feel… I know you feel the same way. I guess it’s just harder to admit it for you.”

Was she right? Was there stuff that he had been unable to forgive and forget? Turn into water under the bridge? At that very moment, Michael could not remember. Everything was just so… confusing. Baffling.

Narrowing his eyes, he observed her. If the years that had passed had left a trace on her, it was barely visible. Time had been a gentleman to Lisa. She was forty-something, yet she looked just as beautiful as she had been when he had first met her. However, that light in her eyes, that spark, that playfulness and sarcasm that had pulled him in so easily… It all seemed to be gone. Had he done this? Was it his fault that she felt like there was no hope left? That this, the two of them, was no longer something worth fighting for?

“I wish there was something I could say… Or do.”

God, what a stupid, trivial thing to say. So different from the avalanche of powerful words quietly flooding his mind. He really was that man he had never wanted to be. Of course she would leave. He knew that he had fucked up – badly. And maybe somehow he kept doing it.

She glanced up at him. She looked oh, so sad.

“Yeah… Me too.”

And just like that, it was all over. In the blink of an eyelid, the life that he had fought so hard to build for himself, for the two of them and their family, was over. Michael felt the air constrict in his lungs – and started to drown in the vacuum that loss would always bring.

Then something happened.

He heard a voice calling him from afar and it was Lisa’s voice. Which was very weird, since she was also there, still sitting right in front of him.

“Michael?”

He blinked, then frowned. The version of Lisa sitting at the table cocked her head to a side. His wife – soon-to-be ex-wife – was staring at him with an odd look on her face.

“You OK? What’s going on?”

“I don’t know, I just…” He touched his forehead. “I’m not sure…”

“Michael…?”

He had to close his eyes for a second. When he opened them again, it was as if someone had switched off a TV screen and he struggled to get used to the dim light of the room. What the heck had just happened?

Michael sat up in bed and leaned back against the pillows, trying hard to focus on the images slowly disappearing from his mind. Becoming blurred and distant, like watercolors that had been way too diluted to be still discernible. Smeared on the canvas until all it had become a big puddle of nothing. No shapes, no form, no real hues. Nothing but a stain – with no apparent meaning whatsoever.

A hand touched the naked skin of his chest. The touch was warm, soft, welcoming. His eyelids opened slowly and he found Lisa’s eyes. They looked concerned.

Still naked, she moved and the sheet that had been half-covering her body slipped away, revealing her beautiful breasts. She pushed a strand of long, dark hair behind her ear and caressed his cheek, sitting up on the bed.

“Michael? Baby… What’s going on? Are you OK?”

He could tell that she had been sleeping and that something had awakened her abruptly. Well, he had. And also, he couldn’t help but notice the cute pet name she had used – uncharacteristically, while they were not a tangled, sweaty mess in the sheets.

Baby.

How good it sounded. Immediate warmth invaded him and he pressed her hand against his cheek, holding it there.

“Yeah… I think so.”

“You were thrashing about in your sleep and I got worried.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I don’t care about being scared. Just tell me what it was.”

He let out a crooked smirk.

“Hey, who knows. Maybe it’s dementia.”

She didn’t look impressed one bit.

“Dude, please. You’re what, thirty?”

Michael laughed.

“Yes, I am.”

It still felt weird, even weeks after his birthday. There was a part of him that thought he would never really grow up. But just like that, it had happened. He was an adult, a man, and had been for a very long time all things considered. And tonight, he was in the company of a beautiful young woman. Lisa was younger than he was, yet in some ways she seemed to be such an ancient soul, and that was only one of the countless things about her that fascinated him.

They had only spent this night together, their very first night together, and yet Michael already felt smitten. It occurred to him that, if he didn’t pay attention, he could easily fall in love with this girl. He had to be careful… There was so much that he needed to do before thinking about settling down. He had plans for his future and they all involved working his ass off. He couldn’t allow too many distractions to get in the way of what he wanted to achieve.

And Lisa… well, she was distracting him alright. With that gorgeous face and gorgeous body and…

“Earth to Michael? Are you out of it again?”

“No, I’m here…” He flipped her over in one single smooth move and came to rest on top of her. He couldn’t get enough of this feeling, this contact, this heat. “Are you? …Are you here with me, girl?”

Her arms around his neck, her lips attached to his told him that she was, indeed, very much present in the moment. And it all still felt so unreal… Almost as ethereal as the dream that had upset him so much.

He and Lisa kissed, slowly and with absolute abandon, and Michael started to remember, even though the images in his mind were vague, at times incoherent. But he knew the gist of it all, that much at least was clear.

“So… what was your dream about?”

Her voice was low and a bit husky, and her sexy Southern drawl was more noticeable than usual this late at night. Maybe it was because she was obviously tired after having been loved right by him for several hours, or maybe she was just very relaxed, at ease. However, what was even more interesting was how easily she had insinuated herself in his thoughts, almost reading them like an open book. This whole thing was scary and alluring in equal parts and Michael lifted his head slightly, staring down at her.

“How do you even know that I was dreaming?”

“Well, like I said, you were thrashing about and you were also talking… And you were calling my name. So… You wanna talk about it? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

He remained exactly where he was: between her parted legs. Feeling himself coming back to life quickly, too. Still, he loved how thoughtful and caring she was acting toward him. Of course, he was used to having people salivate all over him and being way too condescending. He wasn’t blind. However, Lisa was a different animal. She seemed selfless. She didn’t look like she had any hidden agenda or ulterior motive. One of the reasons why they had ended up in bed together, earlier that evening, in a totally unexpected and yet somehow inevitable way, had been the trust that he had felt he could bestow on her. And she, on him. Oh, Michael knew that she too had some trust issues.

And now, while being in this bed with her, the scent of her skin all over him… And despite not being used to truly open up about his most inner feelings and thoughts, Michael felt that he could talk to this woman.

“No, it’s fine. It was the strangest dream. You were there, with me… But you already know that…” Tracing the outline of her face, he smiled. “We were much older than this.”

“We were old?”

“Not old. Just older. Mature. I don’t know. You looked beautiful anyway.”

“You’re such a sweet talker…” She smiled and kissed him again. “Please, do go on.”

“So… yeah. Well, nothing, really. I don’t remember much of it. Just that we were probably… married.” He blushed. “And that we were breaking up, or something.”

Lisa’s face turned serious.

“Oh… That’s… kinda sad, I guess. You did look a bit distressed earlier. Why was that?”

“Why was I upset?”

“No, why were we breaking up…”

Thankfully. He didn’t want to tell her that he probably had been distressed because, in his dream, he felt like drowning at the idea of losing her. And he didn’t want to lie to her either.

“I don’t know. I woke up before I could find out. I know that we loved each other. It just wasn’t enough anymore.” Feeling very bashful all of a sudden, he kissed her nose. “Don’t worry, though. It was just a stupid dream.”

She framed his face with both hands and her thumbs traced his jawline. In the silence of the room, he heard the faint sound of her skin scratching against his night stubble.

“It’s not stupid. And there’s nothing wrong with it. I mean… We don’t know much about each other and of course… talking about marriage is perhaps a bit premature…”

Michael chuckled sarcastically, his cheeks going up in flames.

“You think?”

Maybe if he tried to make light of this, she wouldn’t run for the hills. What woman wanted to hear the guy that she had just fucked for the first time talking about marriage? It was nuts! Besides, it wasn’t that he was proposing or anything, nor was he declaring his love for her. Lisa was right – they didn’t know each other that much. But surely, he hoped that he could get to know her some more.

God, this night had been so unexpected and thrilling in so many ways. He had landed back in Los Angeles only a couple of days prior and had been staying at his new ranch most of the time, but then she had called him. Which was not unusual, since they had been talking over the phone quite a lot since meeting at John and Julie’s wedding, earlier that year. Michael and Lisa had become friends, even though he had been busy touring for the whole time and they hadn’t seen each other again. Until today.

After picking her up in Beverly Hills, he had shown her the ranch and then they had enjoyed dinner at his Hideout. Watched some old-Hollywood movie on TV like two regular pals. And then at one point, while they were talking, they… Just like that, almost out of the blue they had felt the tension rising, and they had kissed and…

“Yeah… I think so. But in the meantime…” Reversing their positions, Lisa came to sit astride him, distracting him from further mental ramblings. “Well…”

“What…”

His hands caressed her sides, feeling her skin heat up under his touch, then came to rest on her perfect ass. He had never seen a derriere like that. It was to die for.

“In the meantime, we can get to know each other some more…”

She sat up, one hand on his chest as if she needed to steady herself. She took his hand and rested in on her breast. Holding onto her, Michael sat up. He loved to have her in his lap and kind of enjoyed the idea of letting her ride him for a bit. She didn’t make him feel vulnerable and exposed like it usually happened with other women, quite the opposite. Even when he was technically not in a domineering position with Lisa, he never felt like she was trying to subdue him. It almost looked like they had already found some kind of sexual balance without even talking about it.

She leaned over and spoke right against his lips as her fingers sank in his hair.

“What do you think, big guy…” She kissed him, her tongue sweeping into his mouth for a moment. “Wanna fuck me some more before the night is over?”

Michael replied with a sigh. Oh, he was willing to fuck her alright, and practice all the positions they had already tried in the past few hours or so. Biting his lip, he pulled her close, allowing her center to slide against his steel, and Lisa moaned, nipping at his neck. He didn’t even need to guide himself inside of her – it just happened. Slowly and purposefully.

Everything else – his plans, tour, career, and whatever previous heartbreaks had afflicted him – was forgotten. At least for the time being.

It was bizarre how detailed the memory of that night still was in Michael’s mind, even so many years later. Articulated enough to go as far as including that darn dream – which suddenly tasted very different. Bitter, almost, like some dreadful omen.

Michael was reminiscing about it all as he lay down in bed, alone, in his and Lisa’s bedroom. It was late in the morning, but the room was still almost entirely dark and Lisa had already left. The kids were all at school and the house was deserted. He had gotten up a few hours earlier and had dropped Logan at his daycare while Lisa took care of the other children, and then he had driven back home and gone to bed again.

Since he and Lisa had come back from South Carolina, it was as if a part of him was always tired. But it wasn’t a nasty type of tiredness, it wasn’t the absolutely atrocious fatigue that used to afflict him in the past. The one that needed medications to be sorted out. It was a state of quiet, suspended contemplation that had nothing to do with health ailments – only with the residuals of a powerful emotional turmoil.

Michael was fine, healthy, strong. He was just not in the mood to go back to work for now. Which was weird, because he had always been a notorious workaholic. Even to a fault.

He had experienced this same laziness only once before as an adult, and it had been right after the trial. When he was so terrified to face the world outside that he had preferred to stay home for months. He had a good excuse back then, too: he and Lisa had a baby on its way. He had loved, absolutely adored to be there for her every single day during her pregnancy, and her perspectives had changed too during those months. That had been a truly useful, unifying time for both of them.

Toward the end of Lisa’s pregnancy, Michael had felt comfortable enough to step back into the world and go back to work. Then he had ended up missing his baby’s birth because of that business trip abroad, but that was another story.

In the past, and right before they divorced, Lisa had been convinced that the environment she and Michael were immersed in was just not fit for a baby. Back then, Michael was about to kick off a world tour that would keep him away from home for about two years, and he had scheduled too many commitments to be by her side on a regular basis. She didn’t think that a pregnancy would be optimal and had slowly but surely started to back away. Meanwhile, he too had been caught in the whirlwind of his old life – an existence that had always been a one-man show, where every single area was strictly compartmentalized. A life that, at times, didn’t involve Lisa’s presence at all.

And it wasn’t because he didn’t love her. He loved her with all his heart. Only, about a year or so into the marriage, he had started to realize that maybe this being legally committed to someone wasn’t as easy as he had initially fathomed. More than anything, it had occurred to him that he didn’t have the tools to sort it out.

Meanwhile, the chasm between he and Lisa had begun to grow. The sad look in her eyes whenever he couldn’t give her what she needed, whenever he couldn’t understand why she was upset, was a stab in the heart every single time. He would usually react by running away for some time because he was confused, irritated, insecure. Maybe if he froze her there, she would stay. Maybe if he left, he wouldn’t have to see her pack her stuff and stomp off to never return.

Knowing what he knew now, as a father and husband, it was pretty easy to realize that his behavior had been complete lunacy.

Michael also had foolishly thought that having a baby would fix everything, and for years, even after their divorce and constant reconnection, he had been unable to see Lisa’s point. Instead, he had chosen to see her behavior as a betrayal, instead of a display of the love that she felt for him. Love… but also fear that they weren’t going to make it.

She could have snared him with a baby, and then she could have tried to take the kid away from him. She hadn’t. When she had decided to go, she had done so with nothing. Nothing but a broken heart – her own. Michael’s too had been shattered in the process.

It had taken him many, many years to see what had been there all along, right in front of his eyes. That she had always wanted him for him, loved him for him, and that she needed for them to be stable and secure before actively searching for a baby. And thankfully, they had eventually been able to find each other again, and Logan had arrived.

Even now, over four years later, Michael was not sure if Lisa’s pregnancy had been accidental or if they had both irrationally tried to solidify their newly found romance with the most divine gift ever. A baby.

However, as he lay down in bed, the memory of the very first night he had spent with Lisa still so clear in his mind, Michael couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, the idea that this woman was meant to be with him had always been there somehow. And that old dream that was still so vivid to be almost palpable… was it a premonition or just a fear that was already manifesting itself?

How different he and Lisa were from the people that they had been so long ago. The chemistry was still there, but they had been worn out by life. They were battered, bruised, imperfect, scarred. Their intense relationship had always consumed and sustained them simultaneously, both when they were together and when they were apart.

And now it wasn’t any different. They were a work in progress and there was still so much that needed to be done, but the magic that had wrapped itself around them like a bubble, that very first night, was still there.

Quietly, Michael scratched his head and got up from the bed.

Victoria, British Columbia – Later that day

Downtown Victoria, there were plenty of beautiful shops that Lisa loved. Just waking around the city center and knowing that nobody would bother her always had the power of relaxing her. Since she and Michael and the kids had moved there, it had only happened rarely that the paps had intruded their privacy, and of course – it wasn’t just because they were no longer in Los Angeles. It was because of who they were.

However, the changes that Michael had made in his life had played a pivotal role in how quiet their current existence had become. Well, at least quiet for Michael’s standards, but it did work. After decades of constant imposition, the press had somehow relented and backed off. Michael was fifty-two and had absolutely no intention of ever performing on stage again, and that had been his stance for a few years at this point. Eventually, even the mass media had been forced to step back and focus on something else – something newer. Something, or someone, who would give them way juicier news and not this superstar who had settled down with his longtime lover, current wife, an army of children, and who had moved on and decided to live an all in all private life.

Especially at this very moment, Lisa was glad that she and Michael could experience the luxury of some privacy. She could only imagine the havoc that they would have created in the media, if only their massive crisis had happened in a moment when they were both still in the spotlight.

They didn’t need any of that, especially not now that they had finally started to recover from it. In the past she had suffered from extreme foot-in-the-mouth syndrome on a couple of occasions and of course, the press had been all over it. It hadn’t done her and Michael any good, and even though he had always brushed off her temper tantrums as something trivial and unimportant, she still carried the burden of it. Even now she wished she could take everything back.

Lisa and Michael had returned home to Canada about three weeks earlier. Replenished, much more serene and certainly with a lot of new stuff to chew on. The house in South Carolina had served its purpose, and now they had to walk on their own legs.

Which of course, was way easier said than done.

Once immersed in their routine, in their environment again, they had tried to do their best to keep the fragile tendrils of their newly found connection intact.

As far as she was concerned, Lisa knew that something had definitely changed for the better. She had become way more courageous and open with Michael, and now allowed her natural instinct to take care of him and be close to him to flow freely. Still, a part of her remained guarded. The last thing that she wanted was to go from zero to one-hundred in the bat of an eyelid and smother him – something that he had accused her of doing in the past, during their first marriage.

Just to take it back years later, when he had told her that he finally got what marriage was all about.

To be completely honest, in almost two decades they both had accused each other of so many things. It was mostly stuff that wasn’t necessarily truthful or adherent to reality, only filtered through the lenses of their own fears and prejudices, assessed through the bloodied stain of too many preexisting wounds. In some other instances, however, their respective accusations held some validity. That was the stuff they had to keep working on, and the blinders had to be off and stay off.

For a long time after the end of their relationship, before finding him again around the time of the trial, Lisa had interpreted Michael’s self-defense mechanisms as pure scheming. It had seemed to her that he would be continually calculating his next move, whether in public or in private. She was just the opposite of him in that regard and couldn’t understand why he behaved like that.

Then, the trial had swept that confusion away and she had started to see Michael’s behavior for what it was: not really a strategy, but his unique way to cope with an environment that was always ready to back-stab him. The only way he had learned to cope with the world he had been immersed in since he was nothing but a little kid. His way to preserve some part of himself.

The whole Christine debacle had solidified her opinion. Of course, Michael had not told Lisa what had happened with that woman right away, but not because of some sort of hidden agenda. He was not plotting behind her back, he was just terrified. A primal feeling, fear, had guided all his next moves. Whether Lisa had liked his decisions or not, she knew that every single one of them had been focused on holding their family together. And at the end of the day, that was what she wanted too.

So, all in all, it wasn’t surprising that things had truly started to get better after their little getaway to South Carolina. Through the years, Lisa had come to understand how to approach Michael and be with him, and when it was time to leave him alone because he needed space. However, this moment right here was tricky, because he had relentlessly been looking for her more than he had done in a very long time. And she didn’t really know how to deal with that – if not by accepting him over and over again.

The fact that they would make love pretty much every day meant that whatever had held them captive was finally unraveling. They were creating a clear space. In their own way and in due time, she was sure that they would be able to see and resolve what was still undisclosed.

So far, their nights had been intense – to say the least. And just as intense had been the moments that they would steal during the day, while the kids were at school, leaving the whole house to their parents.

Michael was so passionate, so thoughtful – before, during and after sex. He had resumed making love to her without a care in the world and it was almost like he couldn’t get enough of her. Of course, Lisa didn’t complain, because it was just the same for her. She knew – and he did too – that there were still some unresolved emotional issues between them, and that miraculous recoveries only happened in movies, but this… Well, to have him wake her up at night because he wanted to make love to her, or drag her into the shower with him, or being naughty at the most impromptu times of the day sure was a great help. At least, Lisa knew that Michael was now sure that she loved him and desired him just like she had always done.

Everything else would clear up as well, she thought as she walked through the sliding doors of Planet Organic Market – her favorite store whenever she was in the mood for some green cuisine.

She was still absorbed in her own mental ramblings as she tried hard to decide what kind of food she would be cooking later that day. She was glad that her new family life involved having just the bare minimum staff surrounding them. It made her feel more relaxed and kept her busy, preventing her mind from wandering into dangerous territories – at least most of the time. Besides, she loved cooking and even Michael had become a pretty good chef since they had gotten married again.

Lisa was standing in front of the refrigerator aisle, her little cart already half-full – bok choy, carrots, avocados, blueberries, crimini mushrooms, eggplants, Roma tomatoes, fresh orange juice, gold beets, a pineapple, tofu, eggs and some organic cheese. She was still trying to figure out if Michael would opt for some honeydew melon or some raspberries later that evening. Hey, if he needed some vitamins between one round of lovemaking and the next, Lisa would make sure that the fridge was packed.

“Ma’am… I’m sorry to bother you, but… I think you dropped this.”

The voice intruded her thoughts, almost making her jump. She turned and the man was just standing there, a big smile on his face and a bunch of red beets in his hand.

She blinked.

“Oh. Right… I didn’t notice. Thank you…”

“It’s fine. They’re safe and sound. See?” He handed her the veggies, then shrugged. “And likely incredibly happy to be yours. I mean, I know I would be. Who would have thought that at one point in my life I would have wanted to be a beet?”

Lisa grinned and threw the bunch in the cart.

“This has to be one of the lamest pick-up lines I’ve ever heard in my life.”

The man laughed.

“Seriously? Well, not really. I think it’d be much worse if I told you that you must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the aisle, so…”

She grimaced.

“Ouch. Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

Out of instinct, she scanned the man. He was probably around her age and the right kind of attractive. There was no doubt about that. He was tall and his long hair, slightly gray on his temples, was tied in a ponytail. His face was unshaven and he had big, beautiful green eyes.

“I am sorry. I usually am better at this, but you’re so gorgeous it’s distracting, and I couldn’t come up with anything decent.” He held out his hand. “Hi. I’m Derek.”

Lisa shook his hand and sighed.

“I’m Lisa. And I’m married.”

Derek winced and smacked his lips in disappointment.

“Of course you are. And see? Your line was much better than mine, that’s for sure. Even though it pretty much broke my heart.”

He seemed cute, sweet. However, Lisa was guarded and introverted by nature. Cordial, polite, but constantly trapped in some sort of defensive mode with everyone she didn’t know well. Maybe at another time, maybe at another point in her life, Derek would have had a chance… Maybe she would have considered him cute and interesting enough for a drink or a date. But not now. Because it didn’t matter what shit she and Michael were throwing at each other, when he was in her orbit nobody else ever existed.

“Well… Thank you for, you know…” She pointed at the veggies in the cart. “The beets. And sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? For being married? I know I am. But your guy… well, I’m sure he knows he’s lucky.”

She was about to tell him that she was only sorry for the awkwardness of the conversation, for dropping those darn beets, for wasting his time, or whatever. It was just a way for her to drop out of this whole bizarre encounter, nothing else. Eventually, she decided to just say goodbye and tried to focus on her grocery list, scanning the array of items she still needed to collect. Which weren’t many, anyway.

Yeah, focusing on something practical was fine.

Lisa knew that she had to get a grip on herself, because there was also something else invading her mind at the moment, and it wasn’t pretty. It was a bundle of dark tentacles that would soon go away, but she didn’t like it one bit anyway. And she knew its name.

It was the thirst for revenge.

It was an old, juvenile, immature and acerbic feeling that stemmed from the intense pain of having her husband feel up another woman because of some confusing midlife crisis and some long unresolved traumas. And the issue with Lisa was that she had never allowed herself to truly feel that pain in all its destructive power. She had been much busier keeping herself – and her marriage, and her family – together and avoiding a disaster of unspeakable proportions. She had reassured herself when things with Michael had started to be good again – and still had refused to feel that pain, despite knowing that it was an inevitable part of their healing process.

Yet, some immature part of her kept residing in her soul and, while she slowly drove back to the house, she found herself contemplating a different scenario.

Derek, or whatever the man’s name was, had been hitting on her – and certainly had been very open about it. If Lisa had wanted it, she probably could have ended up fucking him that very same day. Maybe book a room in a motel, or go at it in her car or his. She could have done it and gotten away with it because Michael was likely way too absorbed into his own little slip-up to notice hers.

And there was a wicked, bitter part of Lisa that even now, despite all their progress, would have enjoyed the retaliation. The retribution. An eye for an eye. She could have had Michael experience, firsthand, what she had felt when he had cheated on her. She could have cheated on him out of anger and desperation, not desire or lust, and then she could have let him know all about it. She could have drawn blood.

Gripping the wheel, she noticed that her shoulders were tense and that she had been holding her breath. She let out a long sigh, trying very hard to relax as she kept driving back home. No, she was not going to do any of that. She would never do anything like it.

This wasn’t her. She probably had never been that way, and sure as fuck she wasn’t going to be that person now.

But see? After all, that was precisely what she meant when she referred to Michael and herself as a work in progress.

And her belief was definitely confirmed when, as she slowly approached the gates of the mansion, she noticed a woman that she had never seen before standing by the video door-phone and speaking nervously to one of the security guards.

A glance was enough for Lisa to understand who she was looking at. That woman, tall and blond-haired, was Christine.