Unraveling – Chapter 18

Chapter 18 – Break the cycle

Michael knew that he had to go back to work at one point or another, but he was glad that today wasn’t that day. Otherwise, he would have probably been forced to face Christine in his office, in front of his staff, or send her away for the umpteenth time.

What the heck was happening? Why was this thing still going on, anyway? He couldn’t believe that the woman had the guts of showing up at the house where he lived with his wife and children!

When the security guards had called the house, telling him that the lady was at the gates, at first Michael thought that he had misheard. But nope, it was really her. Just standing there, on the verge of a temper tantrum, not only telling his guys that she wouldn’t be leaving until she had the chance to speak to “Mr. Jackson”, but that she would make a scene if they didn’t call him immediately.

Well, Mr. Jackson was not at all in the mood to speak to her. If anything, he would have loved to turn back time and never interact with her at all, let alone flirt… or kiss her.

At the same time, he wondered if ignoring her hadn’t been a double-edged sword, given that she was still so stubbornly after him. If Christine thought that acting like a bunny-boiler was the way to reel him back, she was sorely mistaken. Not that she could have done anything to pique his interest again, at this point.

However, the truth was that he knew. Michael was very much aware of his own mechanisms. He knew that he could be an emotionally unavailable man, and that at times that personality trait manifested itself in his unwillingness to face the intensity of someone else’s feelings. He had retreated, iced people out and avoided direct confrontations countless times in his life, either because he couldn’t deal with his own vulnerability – it had happened with Lisa, and before her, Diana – or because he didn’t want to handle that of others.

At this point in his life, he had to admit that his behavior had caused a lot of pain to some people and to himself. Lisa especially had been the recipient of that treatment so many times, and he believed that she couldn’t fully understand why he acted like that. She couldn’t know that, for a very long time, one of his core motivations, deep down, had been to stop her from experiencing even more emotional pain. Which came every time she and Michael were face to face and he couldn’t be the man that she needed him to be.

And yet she had kept returning to him. And he, to her. They had tried and tried until they had sorted it out somehow. Even now they were sorting it out.

So right now he really didn’t need to provide any excuses for being emotionally unavailable any longer. He knew that his past choices could no longer justify how he behaved in the present. Profound honesty and deep introspection were vital to acknowledge the reality of things. For Lisa, to resume their physical and emotional intimacy, that was so sacred to him, so important, his safe place. But also for himself, because he didn’t want to keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

Those had been the thoughts swirling in a rapid reel in his mind when he hung up the phone, after giving his security guy the standard formula: “Let me call you back in a minute.”

He really needed a moment.

Michael had to think about how to handle this. He didn’t know Christine much, but at this point, he was pretty sure that she wouldn’t leave unless he came out and spoke to her face to face. He hated this, in general. Hated being cornered like this. Hated feeling like he didn’t have any way out. And with Lisa about to come back home, this thing was…

…Getting dangerous by the minute.

Brother, you don’t want those two to meet. You and Lisa just started to patch things up. The last thing she needs is to be triggered by the woman you-

Yeah, he knew. He knew exactly what he had done. His inner voice was right and was also channeling his biggest fear. To see every progress that he had made with Lisa so far crash and burn.

And with progress, he meant progress for real. Since the tornado, Michael had noticed massive changes in Lisa’s behavior and it wasn’t just because they had started to make love again on the regular. As a matter of fact, they now would make love all the time, everywhere, and whenever the occasion arose. Even when there were still faint traces of sadness and remoteness in her, she never failed to show him how much he loved him. She made him feel desired. She made him feel the only one.

Michael was a man that reasoned according to traditional gender norms. He loved to take care of his woman. Opening the car door for her, buying her flowers, showering her with expensive gifts, initiating sex… He adored doing the desiring and knew that Lisa loved it when he made her feel pursued and wanted. Still, this role-reversal, or maybe role-reciprocation, made him feel in some kind of way. His need to feel desired somehow went against the grain of the limited, narrow stereotype of what a man was supposed to be. Yet, he didn’t feel any less of a male. He spontaneously wanted her, but was also so responsive to her behaviors. In fact, it had never been so important to him to have her seek him and he now paid attention to each and every single one of those occasions. This taking for granted shit no longer belonged to Lisa and him. To admit it, albeit in the quietness of his own mind, was liberating.

Five minutes later, after calling the guard back, Michael stood up from the couch and got ready to reach Christine outside the gates. He would not be allowing her to enter the property, of course, but if she wanted to see him in person, he would face her – and hopefully, give her the closure that she so obviously wanted.

As he closed the front door behind his back and started walking through the finely decorated garden that surrounded the house, a million little moments assaulted his eyes. Recent moments, like tiny specks of stardust clouding his vision. Lisa complimenting him, earlier that morning, when she had woken him up by kissing his naked back, for example.

Michael had felt giddy and silly when she had called him her “beautiful, beautiful man.” Nobody had ever said those words to him so effortlessly, so sincerely, and nobody but her had ever made him feel so wonderful just hearing them.

And then there was the physical contact. It wasn’t always necessarily sexual or flirty, and yet it would always manage to make a number on him. Lisa would touch him when she walked past him. She would brush his forearm or shoulder. She would lean in or snuggle close when they sat on the couch with the kids. And earlier that day, before leaving to go downtown and run some errands, she had cupped and squeezed his butt, making him laugh. Getting him a bit sprung, too.

Those thoughts were calming and comforting as Michael slowly walked to the front gates, getting ready to face a woman that he had hoped he would never have to interact with again.

The last thing he expected was to glance up and find Lisa a few feet away from him, directed to the house.

He had been lost in thought and when he finally glanced up and saw her, for a moment he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Lisa had almost stopped mid-step, but if her walk had faltered slightly, she had been quite good at hiding it.

She knew that her face gave away nothing, and that her body language and demeanor were calm, collected, inscrutable. At the same time, she recognized the look in Michael’s eyes as they narrowed and he attempted to read her thoughts.

The warmth that had accompanied their interactions, earlier that day, was put aside for a moment and the heaviness of the old, rusty Damocles’ sword returned. It was still swinging over their heads after all, it didn’t matter how much they tried to ignore it.

But maybe today would be the end of it all.

Lisa should have been surprised to see Michael shuffling toward the security booth. He was almost dragging his feet, and his gait was nothing like the self-confident walk that she was used to seeing. It was apparent that he didn’t want to do this.

And yet he had to.

She had to appreciate his initiative, but she also knew that he had been pushed into a corner. It was obvious by what she had witnessed that Christine had shown up out of the blue and that Michael didn’t know anything about it. His reddened cheeks weren’t only due to the embarrassment that he was experiencing by seeing Lisa there, but also to intense irritation.

She empathized with him. Empathy came in waves and took her breath away. What Christine had done was atrocious and disrespectful in so many ways, and Lisa too would have hated if anyone of the men that she had gone out with when she and Michael weren’t together had acted the same way. In fact, she would have probably ripped the dude’s head off.

But hey… They had grown wiser. She and Michael. They had been going through this for weeks, months even, therapy and all. The woman at the gate wouldn’t make any difference.

Or so Lisa hoped.

Michael pushed his hands into his pockets. A self-comforting gesture that was both endearing and concerning. Why was he so tense?

“Hey…”

She stepped closer and they stood face to face for a moment.

“Hey yourself…”

He cocked his head to a side.

“You OK?”

He needed reassurance but couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. It just wasn’t in him. He was a proud man and he would never ask for it, but she saw it in his eyes. Those dark pools, a perfect conglomerate of sweetness, wisdom and naiveness had never been able to lie to her. The love invading every single one of her cells was all that she felt.

She touched his chest, then stepped closer and into his personal space. He seemed surprised. Lisa’s hand moved from his chest to his face and she caressed his cheek, then she rose on her tiptoes, kissing his lips. He stood perfectly still at first, but then he softened, reciprocating the reassuring gesture. Nothing major, of course, because it wasn’t the place or the time, but enough to revive the fire. Enough for Lisa to tell him everything he needed to know, without saying much at all.

“I’m OK. Are you?”

He winced.

“Let’s just say that I had better days.”

Lisa sighed, then glanced at her watch.

“Well, it’s just four in the afternoon. It can still get better.”

“You think?”

His sad smile genuinely made her bleed inside. This thing had to be done and over with, and quickly. It was more than enough. Michael had gone through hell in the past, and he had survived. She would not allow a little slip-up to ruin what they had worked so hard to retrieve. Christine was nothing but a blip on the radar in the grand scheme of things and considering all the avalanches of pure shit they had overcome.

She brought his head down to her and kissed him again. First his lips, then his forehead, lingering there for a moment. Michael stood still, his hands in his pockets, his eyes closed.

“Yeah, I think so. Go take care of that woman, I’ll be waiting for you inside.”

This time he looked up, and his face became slightly mischievous. Mostly sarcastic.

“Why, is she still alive after crossing you? And I don’t mean metaphorically.”

Lisa touched her heart in pretend shock and gasped.

“You hurt me! You know very well how civil I can be.”

“If you want, you sure can.”

“Well, let’s put it this way.” She took his hand and he interlaced his fingers with hers. “I didn’t think I needed to do much. I know my husband is going to deal with her just fine. And you know why I know?”

“Why…” He mouthed the word without saying it out loud.

Lisa turned serious.

“Because I trust him. And I love him… So much.” She let go of his hand and inhaled a deep breath. It was a struggle for her too, to try to keep this conversation light, almost trivial. “Tell him, if you see him. And also, that I’ll be waiting for him.”

Michael seemed to relax, and there was something on his face, in his eyes. Something that resembled gratitude of some sort.

“Will do…”

She started to walk away, turning her back to him. She had moved a few steps toward the house when she heard his voice again. It was deep, velvety. It was the voice she had dreamed about countless times in the past, when they were not together.

“Lisa?”

She stopped and turned.

“Yes?”

He was still standing there, and his hands were back into his pockets.

“He loves her too, you know. More than he’ll be ever able to express.”

“I know.”

She resumed walking, and a little smile appeared on her lips. Suddenly, she felt that everything would be alright and that she didn’t need to take care of anything. Michael would do it.

Christine was indeed still standing there. However, she was no longer talking to the security guards and had preferred to walk back to her car, parked sideways by the gate. She was leaning against it, her arms crossed over her chest.

When she spotted him, she fixed her eyes on him immediately and he averted his gaze after a quick glance. How had he even found her attractive to begin with? A single look at her and Michael knew that nothing stood out. Yes, she was reasonably beautiful in terms of generic standards, but her presence didn’t evoke anything in him if not intense discomfort. What had he seen in her? What had been going through his mind in the first place?

It was funny to realize that he could barely remember. Such was the effect of a clouded soul, of unresolved issues that he had repressed far too long, of fears that he had never been able to digest. At one point they had all come at him, with teeth and claws, they had drawn blood and he had tried to find solace in the last place where he should have been. In the arms of another woman. Because flirting and kissing a stranger and revel in the superficial effect that he had on her was better than appearing weak and damaged in the eyes of the only woman he loved. Maybe that was the bottom line of it all, or maybe he had just been a selfish asshole. Whatever the case, it was over now. Or would be very soon.

“Michael…”

Christine’s tone was as cold as ice.

Michael tipped his head toward the guard and the man went back into his booth, closing the door and sitting in front of his laptop. Pretending to be ignoring the whole situation despite doing anything but.

“Hi, Christine.” He sighed. “I wish you would have let me know beforehand about your presence here.”

“Well, I did try to call you several times, you know. You only picked up the phone once and told me to never get in touch with you again. So, the only thing left to do was to show up in person, I guess.” She pursed her lips. “After making sure that you were finally back home after your little getaway with your wife. I’ve met her, by the way. She’s a tough woman. Beautiful, but cold. I understand now why-”

“You don’t.” He showed her the palm of his hand. “You don’t understand. Don’t drag Lisa into this, please.”

His voice was still calm and composed, but the fury was already mounting inside of him like a tidal wave. Lisa was an introvert and it just wasn’t in her to open up to people she didn’t know or didn’t trust. And of course, she had no reason to be kind to that woman. Even in general terms, Michael didn’t like to hear anyone speak ill of Lisa. He never had. And Christine especially – she had to keep his wife out of her mouth.

“I didn’t drag her into anything. You did. You’re the one who’s married, not me.”

“Right…”

Michael’s head dropped. She wasn’t wrong. As far as he could remember, Christine was divorced. This meant that she could do whatever she pleased with whomever she wanted, and that he should have been the one rebuffing her advances. He took a moment to let things simmer down a bit, because the conversation certainly hadn’t started in the best of ways.

Then he straightened his stance.

“You said we spoke over the phone once. You’re correct. And that I told you not to call me anymore. That’s true as well. But see… That’s the whole point. If people don’t want to talk or meet with someone, they shouldn’t be forced to.”

“People shouldn’t be forced to stay quiet either.”

“I didn’t tell you to stay quiet. I told you that I had nothing else to say to you. It’s different.”

Christine’s hard facade started to crumble.

“Did you at least listen to the messages I left on your voicemail?”

He hadn’t. He had seen the messages piling up by the day, but had never bothered checking them out. In the past he would have probably deflected such direct question, but he was tired. And maybe – hey, maybe he had changed after all.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Why?” Her eyes filled up with tears. Why was she acting like this? Why did she seem so hooked on him? “You don’t think I am worthy at least of some consideration?”

“I told you why. It’s not about me considering you or not, or about you being worthy or not. It’s about me doing something that I shouldn’t have done, behaving in a way that is not like me, and hurting people in the process. Lisa, you, myself.”

“Well, you did speak to Lisa Marie but not me.”

“Because she is my wife!” He sneered the words through gritted teeth, and had to force himself not to tell Christine that she, instead, was nothing to him. She never had been.

“And what am I?”

Nobody. You’re absolutely nobody.

Michael’s eyes closed for a second. Oh, God. He was not at all cut out for this stuff. He wasn’t Jermaine. Jerm would have dealt with shit like this smoothly. Hell, he probably had, countless times.

“You’re a woman who, for reasons that I am not sure I understand, began thinking that what you and I shared was more than what it was for me. And for that, I am sorry. I take responsibility because really, it’s on me. I told you how sorry I was that day, in the car, but it wasn’t enough. I understand that now. So let me say it again: I apologize for hurting you. I was an asshole.”

The sarcastic glint in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed.

“And you think saying it again makes it all better, huh.”

He just shrugged his shoulders.

“No, probably not. At this point, I don’t know what could make this thing right. Or what you expect me to say or do, for that matter.”

While he spoke, a familiar suspicion started to crawl into his bloodstream like venom. Poisonous, dark, viscous. The sudden fear that this woman would soon be trying to have him give her something he was unwilling to give. Was she going to threaten him in some ways, like too many others had done in the past? He lived a quiet life, perfect really, but then he had done the dumbest shit and put himself in a vulnerable position once again. How would he pay for his mistake, this time? How else?

“You know what would make it better…”

Christine’s voice softened and her eyes implored him to please consider her previous offer. It was all so confusing for Michael. She had no reason to behave like that. She barely knew him. They only had shared a few conversations before that day in the car. She couldn’t be this crushed because he was rebuffing her.

“Well, I can’t give you that.” He too tried to sound as calm and understanding as he could. Even though the only thing he wanted was to go back to the house. To Lisa. To his family.

She looked down and stared into space.

“I told Lisa Marie about you flirting with me all those times, you know…”

What? What the heck was she talking about, now? Michael only remembered having seen her a handful of times, and…

He swallowed. No, lying to himself could no longer do. It was obvious that they hadn’t spoken about professional stuff and then kissed out of the blue. There had been something else before that. Chats that he wouldn’t have defined strictly professional either, but far from the flirting that had permeated his very first encounters with Lisa, before they broke the invisible barrier that they had set as platonic friends. And also, countless times afterward.

“I am sorry you interpreted it that way.”

What else could he say? The moment she had spoken the words, his biggest concern had become to run back to Lisa and find out how she had taken the news. Even though he had to admit that she had looked pretty chill earlier, back there in the garden.

Don’t let that old paranoia get a hold of you, brother… Nothing happened. Your wife loves you, wants you. She told you she’s waiting for you. So get your shit together and get this thing done once and for all.

“I didn’t interpret anything. It was just what it was. Please don’t discount what you did.”

Michael took a deep breath.

“Christine, look. As you can see, there isn’t much that you and I need to talk about. That’s why I tried to avoid seeing you again. I thought it would be for the best, that you would move on and just-”

“How am I supposed to move on if you don’t give me any closure?”

“And what is closure to you? More than me telling you that I’m not interested in any kind of relationship with you?” He was genuinely sorry to sound so blunt, but this running in circles was getting them nowhere. “What should I do to have you finally drop this thing?”

There it was. If she wanted something else from him, this was the time to spit it out. Maybe this woman would go to the tabloids, maybe she would tell everyone that he had done stuff to her that he hadn’t even thought about doing, or maybe she would just let it go. Regardless, Michael felt suddenly exhausted. They were going nowhere.

Christine seemed to ponder over his words. Then she finally peeled herself off the car. He hoped that she wouldn’t get any closer and try to touch him, because it really was not the case.

“Nothing. You’ve done plenty. I guess I just needed to look you in the eyes and see what an absolute bastard you can be.” She fumbled with her purse, her hands shaky, and extracted her car key. “I thought you were different from other men, but… comes up that you’re just like them. You’re all the same. You’re all jerks. You play with other people’s feelings and then get bored and run away. I’m sorry your wife can’t see that about you.”

Michael didn’t reply. What was he supposed to say, anyway? He understood her anger. She had all the reasons to be pissed at him, even though he still thought that she was a bit of a drama queen.

She walked around the car and opened the driver’s door.

“And I know what you’re thinking… That I’ll go to the paps and spill the beans about you… Or worse. Well…” She rested her hand on the car door. “Guess what? I might be a relentless bitch, but not that kind of bitch.”

He stared into her eyes. They were glassy and he could tell that she was trying very hard to appear strong, when instead she would likely be crying on her way back home.

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh, fuck off, Michael.”

She climbed into her SUV and sped off.

OK, then. He was willing to fuck off, as long as she did the same.

When he walked back into the house, the lights were off on the ground floor. Michael looked around, but Lisa was nowhere to be seen. His stomach dropped. Had she left? Had she changed her mind after telling him that everything was fine? Had she thought about what Christina had said to her and decided that she needed some space from him?

Christina? It’s Christine. Her name is Christine. Jesus Holy, brother!

He touched his forehead. Whatever. And damn, he could be heartless at times.

The kids were still at school and busy in their post-class activities and even Logan wasn’t home. He would be back around dinner, after spending the rest of the afternoon with grandma Priscilla, who had been kind enough to pick him up from his daycare. She too had been visiting, much to Michael’s chagrin, but at least in the past few years they had learned to tolerate each other. He was also glad that Lisa had kept her mother in the dark about their recent marital crisis because, in all frankness, he didn’t know if he would have had the strength to go through another verbal fight with the old craw. Let alone have her try to poison his wife and steer her away from him. Again.

The whole house seemed empty and just like that, Michael began to feel slightly panicked. He extracted his cell phone from the back pocket of his pants, ready to call Lisa and ask her where she was and why she had left, and noticed that he had received a text message.

He frowned, then touched the screen. The text was from Lisa, and he immediately relaxed a bit.

“Can you help me with something in the bedroom once you get back?”

Michael smiled. She had sent that thing about five minutes earlier, but he hadn’t heard the phone buzz. Glancing at the staircase in the hall, he realized that she must have been upstairs for the entire time.

As he slowly climbed up the stairs, he tried not to let himself fall prey of that old anxiety he had never been truly able to get rid of. The fears were still there – that she was luring him into a fight, that she was pissed off at him, that she had changed her mind about wanting to stay with him. At the same time, he also recognized something else: it was hope. And as usual, to Michael hope equaled to being able to see the light despite all the darkness.

Almost in a trance, he reached the master bedroom that he shared with his wife. The door was ajar and he pushed it open quietly, stepping into the room.

Lisa was on the bed, wearing nothing but one of Michael’s white shirts. She was so beautiful that she took his breath away. The surprise that registered on his face didn’t go unnoticed either, and she smiled at him.

“That was quick.”

He cleared his throat and fully entered the room, coming to stand at the foot of the bed.

“Well, there wasn’t much I needed to say. Or do.”

“You think it’s gonna be enough for her?”

As she spoke, she played with the buttons of the shirt, undoing one. She looked calm.

“It’s gotta be. Besides…” Michael tilted his head to a side, his eyes narrowing and taking her in. All of her. From her silky skin to her perfect legs in full display, from her sultry lips to those eyes that had kept him hooked since the very first time they had met again as adults. “…I really, really wanted to come back to you.”

“Yeah?” Lisa feigned a surprise that she obviously did not feel. “How come?”

“Because I didn’t say hello properly, earlier.”

Biting her lip, she sat up and crawled in his direction, her body beyond gorgeous and moving fluidly as if she was a mermaid underwater. She took his hand.

“Me neither. Do you want to lie down for a bit?” She smirked and raised an eyebrow. “…Lie down, daddy.”

Again that playful, seductive attitude that he had always loved so much. That reassuring, comforting behavior that he had been longing for. This woman truly understood him, even in the most unfavorable situations. And he was so grateful for that.

Quietly, Michael took off his shoes and complied.

Lisa moved again and this time came to sit astride him. When she leaned forward, her long hair cascaded around his head like a curtain and he raked it back with his hands. They stared into each other’s eyes.

There was so much peace in hers. So much peace, and he began to drown in it.

“How can you just sit there, calmly looking at me after I put myself in such horrible trouble?”

Another tiny smile stole on her lips.

“There’s no trouble, as far as I can see. You’re here… with me.” She touched his face and leaned over, kissing him slowly. Michael closed his eyes and reciprocated fully, his arms around her, loving the texture of the fabric and her skin, loving how his scent on that shirt mixed with the scent of her body. “Just relax, Mike… It’s all good.”

Well, this was more than what he had hoped for. And maybe, in some way, even more than he deserved. Or maybe not. Maybe they both deserved this. He sighed and resumed staring at her.

He watched her as she slowly unbuttoned his shirt, discovered his naked chest with her fingertips, caressed him and traced his muscles. She then began taking care of his pants in that irresistible way that always did him in. Slow, tantalizing touches – like someone who had all the time in the world. And maybe it was just like that. Maybe they had finally stopped running and they were getting somewhere. Arriving, unraveling.

The light touches of her hands were – as usual – enough to make him as hard as a rock in no time. Lisa noticed and glanced up at him. Now, her eyes were a perfect blend of peacefulness and passion.

She pulled his pants down ever so slightly, just enough to free him from the constraint of his clothes. Her fingers closed around his steel and he flinched. She started to pleasure him that way, slowly, and Michael took another deep breath. God… this was fantastic.

“Talk to me…”

His voice came out deep and husky. He wanted to hear her say something, anything.

Lisa studied his face as she kept fondling him. At this point, she could have asked him anything and he knew that he would have agreed to it all, hands down. It was up to her to decide what to say next. Maybe that was her way to keep them connected as they finally faced the conversation about…

“I love feeling your cock in my hand. I love those sexy little sounds you make every time I stroke it.”

Whoa!

She added a twisting motion to her caress and Michael gasped.

“How does that feel? Do you want it faster or slower, daddy? …I can’t wait to have you inside me and feel you explode… I live to make love to you… I love to make you lose control…”

Yeah, he knew. And she was also very good at it. Swallowing hard, he decided that Lisa leaving him off the hook was such a wonderful present after all. Now, all he wanted to do was reciprocate her treatment. And then, if she wanted to talk, he would tell her everything. Afterward. He adored being kinky with her and she seemed just in the mood for that.

“Then why don’t you take it, baby…”

It was complicated to keep his voice in check.

“Don’t worry, I will… But first…” She pushed a strand of long hair behind her ear. “First I wanna hear you say it… I know what you want…”

There it was. She was giving all the power back to him. The most potent aphrodisiac ever.

Michael chewed on the inside of his cheek and tried to regulate his breathing.

“Suck it, baby… Go down on me…”

“Do you know how wet I am right now? I’m so glad we’re alone because I’ve been having filthy thoughts about you all day…”

In different circumstances, he would have thought that she was trying to make him have a heart attack. But not today. He knew that this was all part of that process of letting go that was so pivotal to their full restoration.

Michael caressed her face, then he slowly pushed her head down.

About an hour later, they were still in bed. Both sweaty and breathless. And so very, very replenished.

Michael still could not believe that Lisa had acted the way she had – especially given how hard it had been for her to be around him before their little escape to South Carolina. If that weekend hadn’t been able to turn the tables on their crisis, it certainly had laid the foundations for its resolution. That much, at this point, was clear. Those few days had given Michael and Lisa room to breathe again, rediscover why they had chosen each other and unfurl the intricate skein of their core issues.

Making love to her, earlier, had been soul-shattering. It had been passionate, alternating between sweet, slow, gentle moments and rough, more hardcore playing. And so, so satisfying. Because as long as what they did was done with love, which it was, everything else just unfolded naturally.

Lisa had been insatiable and he, too. She had pretty much guided the whole game but, at times, she had done that thing that he adored: she had given him the illusion of power that he needed. However, having her ask him to please give it to her from behind had managed to turn the flames of his desire into a blazing inferno.

She had sighed and moaned while he took her that way, always reminding him how much she liked what he was doing to her and how, and how much she loved him. He had reciprocated that love with his voice, his soul, and his body.

When she had felt that his control was about to finally snap, she had turned her face and her blue-green eyes had pierced him.

“Let me turn around, baby… I wanna see you… I wanna come with you…”

To hear her say out loud what he too had been thinking had been beyond sexy.

Michael had slowly withdrawn from her body, his hands caressing and massaging the hot, sweaty skin of her back. He had kissed her shoulders, her neck, then her lips in a slow, passionate, tantalizing manner. Moving his hips, he had loved the slippery caress of his penis sliding against her perfect behind.

“Turn around… Lie down, baby girl…” He had accompanied her movements. He was strong, and Lisa loved how easily he handled her. “Open your legs for me… Yeah… That’s it.”

He had needed her so much. And coming with her, at the very same time, had made him feel so full and love and trust and profound connection. He was intertwined with her and always would be, regardless of their issues.

He had felt her fingernails dig into his triceps. He had watched her bring herself just on the edge of her orgasm and then back off, waiting for him. He didn’t know why, but those had been other little details that had made the whole experience even more explosive. He had held her firmly in his arms and had played with her body as if it was a wonderland. They had maintained eye-contact throughout the whole moment and their shared climax had been incredibly powerful. It had smashed every doubt and fear that still resided inside of him.

He could only hope that the same thing had happened to her.

Now, in the afterglow of their lovemaking, Michael realized that being truly open to her would come easy. Much easier than he had ever thought.

He was lying on his back and her head was on his chest. She traced the lines of his stomach.

“You’re so sexy when you’re all sweaty…”

Michael chuckled.

“I feel like I should throw myself into the washing machine, but…” He kissed her forehead. Lisa tilted her head up and their lips met in a series of sweet, gentle kisses. “…I just love where I am now.”

“You can stay here forever if you want, you know…” Her voice held that sultry, thick color that was so typical of these moments. “It’s not that we need the money. I mean…”

She stared at him for a moment.

“If you don’t feel like working anymore, you can stop. You know that, right? The kids love it when you’re home, anyway.”

Of course, she had noticed. That since their trip to Charleston he had been unable to go back to work. That he was stuck.

“No, you know me. What would I do without something to do all day?”

Lisa gave him a soft smile and combed his wild hair with her fingers.

“Well, you can be a full-time dad. And husband. And lover. You can even take care of mama cat and her kittens…”

“You mean Sassy.”

Obviously, they had ended up taking the South Carolinian pregnant kitty back home with them. And she had given birth to five beautiful, strong, healthy kittens just a handful of days later. The spacious basement room equipped as an arcade was currently the feline family’s personal nursery.

After much insistence from the kids, Michael and Lisa had also eventually decided to adopt all six cats. After all, they had acres of lands and a huge mansion, and the resources to take care of them all for the rest of their lives.

“Yeah, her. Together with Bandit, Apollo, Chester, Ellie and Pumpkin. See? I remember all their names. Like I said, you can be their cat sitter. And if you’re extra-good, you can even cook for us all once or twice a week… And fuck me any time you want… In any way you want.” She kissed him again. “How about that, stud?”

He smiled.

“Ah… Sounds just perfect, baby, but I think I can take care of it all anyway. Lise… you know I wanna be all those things, but also that working is such a huge part of who I am.”

She just nodded her head slightly. Propping up on her elbow, she stared down at him.

“Then what is it?”

“What is my game, you mean? I don’t know. I finally stopped being cock-blocked with you and all of sudden I don’t know where I wanna go as an artist… or businessman, or whatever. I just have no idea.”

Her eyes were serious and solemn.

“I understand that, but you don’t have to make up your mind now, Mike.”

“No, I know. I am just…” He sighed, feeling a bit frustrated. But still pretty relaxed after their intense sexual encounter. Still sheltered. “I am re-evaluating so many things in my life… Again… And I noticed that in the past year or so I have spent way too little time at home. At least for my liking. I have always been such a hands-on dad with Prince, Paris and Blanket… While with Logan… Well… I don’t think I-”

Lisa placed her finger on his lips.

“Don’t ever say that. You are the perfect dad. And you are his entire world.”

Michael’s eyes softened and shimmered. He kissed Lisa’s finger and gently removed it from his lips, placing her hand on his own chest.

“I think that, knowing that you’re pretty much always here with our children, I kinda feel like I can stop being worried about them 24/7, you know… But still… I really wanna be more present. I wanna find some balance between who I used to be, who I became then, and the man I am now. I know that I held a lot of things back during therapy…”

“You mean with doctor Plumb?”

“Maybe with her too, but I mean during my therapy, right after the trial. After you and I got back together. I am not sure that I really did everything in my power, and maybe that is why I haven’t been able to heal properly. So I was thinking… Perhaps I also need some more individual therapy, after all. I still need to sort out so much shit that I buried deep inside myself. I don’t want it to keep poisoning me. Or us.”

“Baby… You went through hell. And that thing didn’t happen so long ago. You’re the strongest man I know, and believe me, I’m sure many others would have just crumbled, had they been at your place. But you didn’t. You kept going. You just need more time. And you will have time.”

His heart started to beat furiously in his chest. He swallowed and decided that he didn’t want to delve too much into that at the moment. He had to change the subject, go back into more familiar and manageable territory.

“Do you still wanna see her?”

“Who?”

“Plumb.”

He and Lisa had agreed that they would keep undergoing couple therapy. They would not make the same mistakes that had soiled their relationship in the past. If anything, everything that they had been going through recently had been a source of inspiration and introspection. Like that tornado, sweeping everything away. Like that cat and her kittens, so fragile and beautiful, that needed to be taken care of, in order to survive and get stronger and healthier.

“I think we already agreed on that, right?”

“Right…” He cupped her cheek with the palm of his hand. She looked so small at times. Small, and yet so strong. He didn’t want to see Lisa break, ever again. And he knew that they had been this close to throwing everything away. “Yeah, I think we should still see her. And see how it goes.”

“Because we’re still a work in progress?”

“That. And you know why I know? Because while I was walking back home, earlier, I was afraid of your reaction. Christine told me about the things she said to you.”

She covered his hand with her own.

“I don’t care about what she says or thinks. I mean, I used to, and it affected me, but not anymore. I think you and I managed to finally break that cycle. It was long overdue.”

In her eyes, there was nothing but absolute honesty.

Michael smiled softly, then pulled her head down and kissed her again. He wished they could make love some more, but he knew that the kids would be home soon and he and Lisa likely would only have time for a shower.

She was the one breaking the kiss.

“Seriously, though… How did it go, out there? What happened? With Christine, I mean…”

He kept stroking the side of her face with the back of his fingers. She looked genuinely concerned. Not mad at him, not on edge, not disappointed. Just worried for him.

“Nothing that you can’t figure out on your own. I told her that I didn’t have anything to say to her and I couldn’t give her what she wanted. What did you tell her?”

“Not much. Just that you were going to be out in a minute.”

Michael scrunched his eyebrows.

“How did you know I would?”

“I didn’t know. I just felt you would.” She pinched his side playfully, making him yelp. “Why do you make women so crazy, by the way? Why do they act like loons around you?”

“I just got my mojo working around the clock, princess. You should know. Works with you too, doesn’t it?”

The moment she gasped and started to protest, he rolled over and went to rest on top of her, kissing her hard until they were both breathless.

Maybe that shower could wait another five minutes, after all.