Contingent – Chapter 21 | A thousand fibers

Chapter 21 | A thousand fibers

connection (n.)

late 14c., conneccion, “state or fact of being connected,” also connexioun (in this spelling from mid-15c.), from Old French connexion, from Latin connexionem (nominative connexio) “a binding or joining together,” from *connexare, frequentative of conectere “to fasten together, to tie, join together,” from assimilated form of com “together” (see con-) + nectere “to bind, tie” (from PIE root *ned- “to bind, tie”).

Spelling shifted from connexion to connection (especially in American English) mid-18c. under influence of connect, abetted by affection, direction, etc. See -xion.

Meaning “act of connecting” is from c. 1600; sense of “anything that connects” is from 1741. As “circle of persons with whom one is brought into more or less intimate relations” is from 1767. Meaning “the meeting of one means of travel with another” is from 1862. Sense of “supplier of narcotics” is attested by 1934.

The slight anxiety shown by her body language only managed to edge him on further. He so loved challenges. And even more than any challenge in the world, he loved her.

Keeping Lisa’s gaze tethered to his eyes, Michael unzipped and took off his hoodie and removed his t-shirt. Barefoot, only a pair of loose athletic pants on, he climbed on the bed and lay down next to her. Leaning up on his elbow, Michael gently caressed her face. He was in awe at how the reddish light of the room painted her skin, how it clashed with the blue-green hue of her irises, creating the most tantalizing kaleidoscope.

“You are so beautiful…” He whispered, then took her hand and kissed her knuckles. His lips moved to the soft skin inside her wrist. Lisa parted her lips, then closed her mouth again with a sigh, allowing him to trace a path of soft kisses up her forearm, until he reached the crook of her arm. His other hand caressed her legs, moved up her hip, outlined the hem of her t-shirt with extreme gentleness. “Can I take this off?”

Still a bit hesitant about the whole thing, she nodded again. Why was she so nervous? The answer was there, in a corner of her soul, but maybe she wasn’t brave enough to face it. She wanted this with all her heart, and yet she was not sure she was ready. She was worried the babies would wake up. She was worried she wouldn’t be able to enjoy his touch as much as she once did – although every nerve inside of her was already vibrating. She was afraid he wouldn’t be satisfied, that he would not like her body all that much anymore. At the same time, she wanted him to love all of her.

So all in all, Michael was right. She had to trust him.

He gently removed her t-shirt and she just stood there, wearing her bra and her pajama pants. She had no idea how stunning she was to him like that, hair loose, no makeup on. She was just so naturally beautiful, it took his breath away.

Quietly, Michael moved in between Lisa’s open legs, his hands now running up and down her toned thighs. He kissed her knees, first one, then the other, noticing the slight tremble in her body. Earlier that morning, when she too had been swept away by the passion that had become their whole world for a moment, she had enjoyed the play because she had forgotten all about her insecurities and fears. He now aimed to reach the same goal, and for her to never leave that safe place ever again.

“You know what, Lise?”

Her eyes opened again, just slightly, but enough for her to intercept his.

“What?”

“I was totally shitting bricks that day, at the hospital. It was all so magical and terrifying at the same time…”

She let out a lopsided smirk. “I know… it was kinda crazy, right?”

“Yeah…” He smiled. “And you were so amazing. Your body was amazing. Giving birth to our perfect, tiny human being. Creating a brand new person from love.”

She reached out, touching his hand. “Well… We did it together.”

“That’s true, but I got to experience only the fun part…”

This time Lisa sat up, grabbing his head, kissing him slowly and thoroughly. When she broke the kiss, she studied his eyes, turning serious suddenly.

“What’s this, Michael?”

He kissed her again, infusing all his love in that kiss, and finishing with several gentle pecks on her lips.

“This is us trying some more foreplay. This is me telling you how happy I am that all this happened with you… How much I wanted this. Telling you how desirable and divine you are to me. How beautiful you are. Just as beautiful as you always have been, and even more so now than ever before.”

He could tell that his words had an effect on her. Yet she blinked and put on her sarcastic face.

“You must be blind. But OK… thank you, baby, for your amazing words.”

Silly. He could tell her defenses were slowly melting away. Michael grinned.

“On a side note, who said you could sit up? Lie back down…”

This time she laughed that husky, throaty laugh that he found so alluring… and arousing. Then she obliged. He was satisfied to notice that her uncharacteristic shyness was finally giving space to some playfulness.

“Good girl. I’mma give you something even more amazing in a minute.”

Another laugh, and this time he too, chuckled. His mouth descended on her, kissing her neck, her shoulder, her throat. Her giggle turned into a moan and she arched her torso into him, her fingers clasping his hair as once again his lips trailed down, to her clavicle now, the tip of his tongue following an invisible route to heaven. He kissed her breasts through the fabric of her bra and immediately felt her nipples harden. Something else on his southern regions stirred right away, almost in a conditioned response. This was crazy. He needed more. He wanted more. Every fiber of his being called out to him to forge ahead, and he ignored it. He went with the flow, instead. She was the flow.

Looking up again, he found her eyes, as usual. Her hands were on his shoulders, on his neck, stroking and caressing. Usually, he would just get rid of her bra, no questions needed. But not now. He took his time, making sure she was as ready as he was. She could control the process, the timing, the action. The only thing she could not control was his intense desire for her.

“You think we can take this off, too?”

Lisa bit her lips for a moment. Finally, she nodded and he let out a breath.

“Yeah? Brallelujah!”

Chuckling and rolling her eyes, she unclasped her bra and threw it on the floor.

“There you go… Whatcha gonna do now, big man?”

“I’m gonna love you… and love you… and love you some more…” As he spoke, he lowered on her again, caressing, kissing. “Gosh, girl… You drive me crazy… You’re so damn beautiful…”

Within seconds, Lisa had nothing to laugh about. She was way too busy sighing and whimpering under his gentle, yet tantalizing ministrations.

As she finally was able to relax fully, and let herself float in the amazing feeling that always came from being at the center of his attention, Lisa realized how much she had been missing this closeness to Michael. And although it was true that they couldn’t have full intercourse, yet, there were still some exciting steps involved with hitting a home run. It was like a trip back in time. To Lisa, sex felt almost brand new again, and she appreciated how he allowed her to be in charge despite his apparently domineering attitude. Which was something she loved anyway.

She knew she was going to melt like putty in his hands and under his mouth without him having to be buried inside of her. How she missed that… That building, sizzling sensation. Their chemistry in bed had always been the result of the early attention they paid to one another. So what did she want now?

Unsurprisingly, Michael seemed to sense her erratic thoughts. His breathing slightly uneven, he rose onto his knees again.

“Remember when we made love for the first time?”

Gosh, he was otherworldly beautiful. Hair wild, face flushed, tent in his pants and playful, simmering dark eyes. She nodded, ever so slightly.

“We didn’t rush at all. We took our time, making sure we both wanted it. Now, we get to do that again…” His smile lit up the room. “I think it’s amazing…”

“I think we are amazing…” Lisa’s features softened and, just like that, every discomfort disappeared. He was right. When they had first made love, he had tortured her with pleasure to the point that she had almost begged him to take her. Just like now.

Since she had come back home with Paris, and they had started taking care of the babies together, Michael had never failed to make her feel special, loved, appreciated, desired. He had set up romantic dinners on the patio. He had slowly danced with her. He had walked with her in the vast property surrounding Hidden Hills, holding her hand. He had brought her flowers. He had wooed and courted her. He had reminded her how good they could be together, with and without babies.

Reaching over, Lisa took the rose he had left on the bed and caressed his naked chest with the velvety petals. His head dropped forward, his eyes following every movement, his muscles contracting under the light touch. When the flower gently traced the outline of his pants, he took a deep breath and captured her hand. Taking the flower and placing it on the nightstand, he kissed her fingers, one by one, without any hurry. Every touch of his lips detonated bombs of pure pleasure into her body.

She pulled him down, then holding his head she captured his mouth in a hot, all-consuming kiss. When they both were breathless, he put his hand behind her neck, kissing her on the other side. He caressed her arms, explored her hands, traced the lines in her palm, kissed her fingertips once again. But even more than all that, he looked at her. He really looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

She wanted him so much.

“Baby…” Tracing the lines of his chest and stomach, running her fingers over his abdominals, she wrapped her leg around his hip, her heel pulling his body closer. “I want you so much…”

“Shh… I know…” He gently lay on top of her. “I know… I want you too…”

Kissing down her body again, he slowly removed her pants and underwear, showing her, with his words and actions, how much he enjoyed every part of her, how much he loved every curve and every line on her body. How much he loved her. He worshipped her for long, interminable minutes, tantalizing her, his lips reaching every secret spot. He turned her around, nipping and nibbling at the smooth skin of her back, then down, to the slope of her ass. Lisa buried her face in the pillow. She was on fire. The moment his tongue became more daring, and his fingers finally found her, touching her gently, she almost sobbed. She could feel each one of his movements even with her eyes closed. They knew each other so well.

Turning her again, on her side this time, Michael left a trail of kisses down the profile of her body, from her ribcage to her hips. Lisa knew what he was doing. He was giving her the chance to decide what was going to happen next.

She was very much aware of what they could and could not do at this stage of her recovery. She was much, much better, and slowly and steadily she was getting back into shape. She and Michael had spoken to Doctor Mcfadden, and he had been very clear about the boundaries they had to respect until her final postpartum check-up, which would happen in a bit more than two weeks. It was merely up to her to decide how far she was ready to go, for now.

Lying on her back once again, she grabbed his shoulders until he scooted up and found her mouth again. They kissed until they were both dizzy, and all the while she pushed his pants and underwear down.

“We don’t need these…”

Without letting go of her lips, he somehow managed to wiggle out of his sweater pants and boxers and came to rest on top of her. Immediately, almost in an automatic reaction, she wrapped her legs around his waist. The moment she felt the scorching contact of his erection against her center, she felt liquid heat invade her, and their kisses became ever more passionate, more frantic. She tingled. She was well aware she would come any second now, with him just undulating against her, touching and kissing her breasts and her neck. They usually ran wild and dirty, but this was just as arousing. And even new, in a way.

Michael rose his torso from her body, his hands on either side of her and looked down. She followed her gaze as her fingers ran through his hair.

They were merely caressing one another with their own bodies, and yet the sensation was so intense that Lisa’s ears started to buzz, her head spun. Looking up at him, she noticed how hard he was trying to keep control over his own body and that was what sent her over the edge. Clinging to his arms, her fingernails digging into his triceps, she came so hard she screamed out. So much for being afraid he could not pleasure her…

Opening her eyes again as if she had been staring into the fire, she found his smile. He looked cocky, triumphant, surprised… and oh, so sexy. And she still wanted him. The realization comforted her and thrilled her.

“Oh, shit… come here… Kiss me…” Pulling his head down to her, she captured his lips and wrapped her legs around his hips. They gently rolled to the side as they kept kissing, and his steel against her skin did nothing to tame her arousal. Quite the opposite, actually. She was losing control.

She pulled back and caressed his face. “Michael… I want you. I really do. Please, don’t stop.”

He blinked, biting his lip, fighting for control, then kissed her again. “Turn around, baby girl…”

She immediately complied, and the feeling on his warm body against her back made her moan once again. They loved spooning. For them, that position always created the perfect blend of passion and intimacy, blending a romantic body-to-body closeness and the hot sensation of going at it from behind. As he caressed her breasts and kissed her neck, her ass pushed back and against him, massaging him slowly. Michael let out a nervous chuckle against her nape, and she shivered.

“You gonna make me lose it, Lise… Slow down…”

“Yeah? What if I don’t want to?” Reaching back, she grabbed his hair and kissed him. Then she whispered the words he longed to hear right against his lips. “Lie back, big guy…”

That was the Lisa he remembered! Sexy, confident, creative, uninhibited… Thrilled beyond belief, Michael did what was asked. The moment she got on top of him, her back turned to him, and scooted back until her knees were on each side of his head, he realized what was going to happen and feared he would not last long.

Well… he was not going to spoil a perfectly good “outercourse” position because he could not control his urges. Willing himself to take a deep breath, he caressed her ass and lower back as her hands ran up and down his toned, muscular thighs. The moment they started going down on each other, he realized how this night was going even better than expected. And although he still had to pay a bit of attention while loving her that way, it was more than enough for her to start writhing and trembling against his mouth. And he, too, was beginning to have trouble focusing. Oh yeah, he missed her… but so did she.

They explored and loved each other’s body like that for a very long time, reciprocating every kiss, every touch, every caress. It was mindblowing to realize how in tune they were. Amongst moans and dirty words, there was nothing but love they were sharing.

The simultaneous climax they experienced surprised them in its violent intensity. They both were so focused on the other’s pleasure that they were caught off-guard almost completely. Lisa’s muffled moans increased Michael’s passion in taking her that way, the electric shock in his groin reverberating in the undulatory movement of her hips over him. Neither one of them gave up until they both were spent, panting, and Lisa’s body collapsed on top of him.

Michael took his time to kiss the soft skin inside her thighs, enjoying her goosebumps and shivers. He smiled.

“Fucking hell… Turn around, baby girl… com’ere… I gotta see that gorgeous face…”

Smiling and still trembling, Lisa complied and snuggled against his chest, kissing him for a long time. When she finally rested her head against his shoulder, they both relished in several minutes of complete silence. Of absolute peace.

Peace – and communication – were all they needed.

Right then and there, Michael felt utterly safe. And completely open. He worked his fingers through her hair, sliding them along one long tendril.

“I listened to your song.”

Lisa didn’t move.

“Oh…”

“Are you mad I did?”

She kissed his chest and stroked his belly.

“Nope. I knew it.”

“What?” Michael raised his head from the pillow and looked down at her. She stayed put, but he heard her giggle. Little witch!

“Yeah…” One more kiss. Well, at least she didn’t seem mad. “The tape wasn’t in the same position when I checked my drawer again. And I know how curious you are.”

“Oh…” His head fell back in the pillow. Well… She did have a point there.

“And you ate my crackers.”

“Yeah, I did…” He pinched her side and she squirmed, then bit his chest. Michael yelped and grabbed her by the hair, forcing her head up to him with the right amount of force to seduce her without hurting her. They kissed, roughly. “What am I gonna do with you, huh?” He glared at her, playfully.

Lisa held his chin in between her fingers. “Funny. I always ask myself the same thing.” One more kiss, and she lay her head back on his chest once again. Michael didn’t know what he was supposed to do with her reaction, and just ran his hand down her back, savoring the feeling of her warm skin under his fingertips.

“So… what you think?”

“They weren’t bad. I still prefer Captain’s Wafers though.”

Another pinch. “Dipshit. What you think of my song.”

Michael chuckled. She had broken the ice, and he felt grateful for that. She seemed inclined to talk. It was just the hint he needed.

“I so love your voice, Lise. I do. It was… stunning for me to listen to that song. The way you convey your feelings through your voice… and those lyrics. I know you wrote them.”

Lisa didn’t say anything. Michael’s eyes stared at the ceiling.

“I think it was a wake-up call for me. In a way. I mean – I don’t think I was ever able to fully understand how you really felt… about our breakup. For a very long time, I thought you were just mad at me.”

“I was. But that wasn’t the only way I felt.”

“Yeah… I know that now.”

He resumed playing with her hair. So soft. So sinewy. So comforting to have her there.

“I was so mad we failed, Mike… So angry we let each other down that way. And so… heartbroken.”

Michael kissed the top of her head.

“Lisa…”

“Mh…” Her hand rested on his chest, right over his heart.

“Did you ever…” How could he ever ask her that? “Have you ever thought about not having her… when you didn’t love me? …Our baby, I mean…”

She stayed quiet for a moment, weighing up his question.

“Never. Not even for a second I thought about not having her, no…”

He swallowed, his eyes watering in relief. God… what they had almost done. What they had managed to do to one another, in so many ways.

“But when it happened, it turned my world upside down, Michael. When we broke up, I mean. And when I found out that I was pregnant, I realized that it was up to us to decide if it was going to break us for good… or make us stronger. As parents, as individuals… not necessarily as a couple.”

“And then?” He turned to his side and she did the same. He needed to see her eyes. “What happened, then?”

“And then I fell in love with you again. Or maybe I had never stopped… I don’t know. It’s all so murky, still. What I do know is that you are kind-hearted, and gentle… and that I love that so much about you. Among so many other things…” She traced his jawline, and he smiled, ever so slightly. “For a very long time, though… I didn’t know if we could really be fixed. Debbie… what happened with her… I was not sure I could ever get over that.”

His eyes lowered. For the first time, he felt something he had never experienced before in such a clear, transparent manner. Guilt. Not about Prince, of course, but about the decision that had led to him.

“I have always taken so much pride in my strong family values…” His voice was very deep, very calm. “I thought the poor example I had to deal with when I was a kid didn’t matter. But it did. Because when I got married to you, I really didn’t know how to do it. I only had a very theoretical idea of what being a good husband meant. My father… I guess he wasn’t a pillar of perfection in that department.”

She touched his chin, and he gazed up at her again.

“Michael… we both needed to learn. We both made mistakes. We loved each other so much… and we hurt each other so badly.”

“I know. I am so sorry.”

“I am too. But you gotta know that when I saw Prince for the first time, my heart actually got bigger, and encompassed him too right away. He and Paris have been such a blessing for us, in so many ways… they triggered growth in you and me both, as partners. The moment you told me that he was born, and I realized how lost and lonely you were feeling, my priorities started to shift. I knew I wanted to be there for you and Prince. I wanted to be the one creating stability in your life… and I knew you needed my support.” She paused again, as if she was trying to make sense of everything she felt and that had been bottled up and unspoken for quite some time. “I was in the position to help you. And I love you so much. I only wanted to be there for you guys.”

He scooted closer to her until his forehead leaned against hers.

“I don’t know how I did it. How I managed to come back to you… or to make you fall for me again. Because I was mad and when I’m mad I can be such a stubborn idiot. But I thank God we made it… Thank God.”

“I don’t know how we got there either. We both were so conflicted, depressed, overwhelmed at times. It didn’t matter how strong we wanted to appear. And then… when I got pregnant… we both felt the massive responsibility of parenthood. Like I said, it was a kinda make it or break it situation.”

“Right. And we didn’t even talk about it that much. We just…”

“…went with the flow…” She smiled and rested her hand on his neck, grinning. “…I know.”

He smiled back at her, pleased at their newfound ability to communicate. “Well, then… maybe we didn’t do all wrong the first time around. It was a wild ride, but here we are.”

“The ride isn’t over, though. You know that.”

Oh, yeah. He sure did.

“What’s the difference between now and then, Lisa? In your opinion…”

Once again, she seemed to ponder over his words.

“Everything has changed. I can’t say it hasn’t, although so many times it still looks the same. I guess… I don’t know, I guess we turned a slightly codependent relationship into a more interdependent one.”

“I think I get marriage a bit better now.” His hand came to rest over hers. “I think I’m more clear-headed about the whole thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ve never seen marriage as ownership of any kind, but I think I didn’t always realize that it is a means and not an end. Now, I think it should be all about two people walking side by side day after day, growing individually as they grow together. And I know neither one of the two should ever give up the essence of who they are… or their dreams. Especially to please their partner. Lise… I chose you because I loved you, and because I wanted someone who could understand me and accept me for who I was… someone able to inspire and challenge me. And I wanted to be the same for you.” He sighed. “I just wish we had fought more for what we had. I wish I had realized what it meant to be without you sooner… How painful it was going to be… to lose you.”

Painful, yes. And it had been sheer agony for her too. She had told him, more than once, but he had only grasped what she really meant when he had listened to those lyrics he was probably never supposed to know about.

“You didn’t always feel accepted, though, did you, Mike?” The sadness in her eyes was apparent. And yet she was wrong.

“I wouldn’t say that. However, I didn’t always feel fully understood. But I know that you didn’t either.”

Lisa bit the inside of her cheek. Yeah… he had hit the bullseye.

“And I know that sometimes we both couldn’t find space to explain how we felt. You would get so mad… and I would leave so easily.”

She blinked and shifted, slightly. His arm around her waist pulled her close again and when she looked up at him, his eyes were open, honest.

“Don’t, Lise. Don’t do it now.”

“I wasn’t gonna get mad.”

“I meant, don’t leave.” His thumb traced her perfect bottom lip. She was so stunning. “I need you to know that I’ve always felt so entangled with you. Even when I was away. Sometimes it was so beautiful… some other times, well… it was just infuriating.”

“Because you felt you couldn’t get rid of me for real?”

“Yeah… that’s pretty much how I felt. You were never really… out. Not even when I made you believe you were. And then at one point, you were just… gone. I didn’t know how to deal with that. I guess… I kinda took you for granted, in a way. Thinking you would always be there, waiting for me, no matter what. That was arrogant… and stupid.”

“But I triggered you, Mike. I know I did. You told me… we spoke about it, we…” Her brow furrowed and she shook her head.

“Yeah, I know we did. But that was on me, too.”

It stung to admit that perhaps he had refused to take his fair share of responsibility for their breakup. The fact that Lisa reacted so calmly to his words was only slightly comforting. She had struck hard, and she had made him bleed, but he had made some major mistakes as well. Although she had never been disposable to him, she had felt just that.

“What about now?”

“Now? …Now I don’t take anything for granted anymore, Lise. Now it’s like a thousand fibers keep me shackled to you. And to our babies… And damn if I don’t love every minute of it…”

They both chuckled, hope and longing mixing in their eyes.

“So… What happened to Debbie, Mike? You never told me anything, after that time in New York…”

“Because there’s nothing to say…” Michael set his jaw. “She’s dealt with. Properly liquidated. Except for a few rumors here and there, I don’t think she will ever bother us again. She got plenty of money… and a bit of retribution too, in her own way. As far as Lynsey told me, she’s now opening a horse farm up in Montana with her fiance.”

“You OK with what the press has been saying?”

Ah… The press. He had been trying not to pay too much attention to the narrative the paparazzi had been spinning. Mainly, the media speculated on why he and Lisa were not getting married again and how the King of Pop was actually dealing with two kids and no wife. It irked him that they could still not think he could have a normal life – despite the obvious limitations connected to his status.

“Michael?”

Without even thinking, his eyes bore into hers and the words rolled out.

“Lisa… why don’t we get married again?”

She was caught completely off guard.

“What? Why?”

He let out a nervous chuckle. Not exactly the reaction he had been expecting.

“Because I love you? And you love me?”

“Yeah. But don’t you think it’s a little too soon to even think about that?”

He just stared at her. What was that supposed to mean?

“I don’t know. I just felt… I think it might be something to consider.”

Her jaw tightened and she narrowed her eyes.

“You wanna get married because of what the press says?”

And there went their moment of truce. It had to be expected.

Remember, man? When the going gets tough… she pulls back.

No, it was not true. She had accepted his marriage proposal when things were at their shittiest. Knowing well what the scandalmongers would say. That he was only using her. That she was nothing but a cover for him. Which was not true at all, but it had been enough to turn her into a laughing stock… or someone to be pitied. Neither was a nice option in terms of reputation, but she had never minded. She had never cared. She had only cared about him.

Michael lay on his back but kept his face turned to her.

“You think that would be a reason for me to marry you? The paps?”

“Hey… I don’t know. But no, Michael… I am not gonna marry you again. I am sorry.” Only, she didn’t look like it. Her eyes had taken that glacier hue that often preluded a storm.

“I thought things were going better.”

“They are.”

“Then why not? We have kids now, Lisa… We-”

“And that’s why we should get married, in your opinion.” Her matter-of-fact tone only miffed him more. “Because we have kids.”

Yes! No! Not only because of that.

He opened his mouth and then closed it again.

“I am not ready, Mike. I don’t wanna do it. I don’t think…” She just shook her head and he read her frustration just fine. She didn’t think she could make it, if they failed again. Did she have so little trust in their love, at the end of the day?

“You’re not sure we can make it. That’s it, right Lisa?”

“Yeah. That’s it. And neither are you, Michael, no matter what you say. I know you. But maybe… you know…” She pulled the sheet up, covering her breasts, and raked her fingers through her hair. “Maybe you wanna get married because you think I’ll try to take Paris from you, after all. And that would give you more leverage… if necessary.”

“Is that what you really think?” Sitting up, he realized how shocked he was at her assumption. Offended and enraged. They stared at each other for a minute, like two boxers jumping around in the ring before a match.

Lisa swallowed, but did not avert her gaze. Her eyes said it all. Fear. Doubt. Pain. Need for reassurance. And love, immense love. Still. Always. But fogged over by so many other things. Dangerous, menacing feelings.

Oh, fuck this to all hell!

Trying to take a deep, cleansing breath, he sat up and turned to his nightstand, opening the drawer. What he extracted was a clean, white envelope. He turned it in his hands, staring down at it. Frowning.

“What’s that?”

“You know what, Lisa Marie… I think you gotta know that I don’t always like you. That hasn’t changed. Sometimes you make me so mad, so fucking angry, that I just can’t see straight. You’re volatile, at times conceited, and all-around a pain in the ass. But…”

“Hey, if you’re here to insult me, you can leave right now, OK?” Huffing, she sat up against the headboard, looking away.

“But…” He opened the envelope and extracted their co-parental agreement. The deal they both had signed before resuming their relationship, when she had visited him in London at the beginning of his tour. “But what I do know, is that you’d never betray my trust when it comes to our baby. Because you’re a great mom and you know that I’m a good father. And because you’re also honest to the point of being blunt… and when you lie, you’re mainly doing it to yourself.” He grinned, bitterly.

“So… What I wanna say is that I’m acknowledging you don’t wanna marry me again… Which is something I am not sure I understand, but fine.” His lips tightened and he didn’t dare to look at her. His eyes stayed fixed on the paper. On the words they had co-signed when things were still rough between them.

“…The co-parents enter this agreement in a spirit of mutual respect, open communication, honesty, cooperation, and trust, with the goal of providing a stable, safe, nurturing environment, a good education, support, love and affection to their child throughout all of his or her life…”

“But you know what, you insufferable, spoiled brat? I do know we are meant to be. You and I. What I don’t know, is if eventually we’ll just accept it and work towards being together for real, forever… or we’ll grow distant and pretend we aren’t what we are to one another. Lying to ourselves and shit. But I’m damn sure about one thing. I don’t need no fucking piece of paper, or a marriage certificate for that matter, to know that we’ll always co-parent our baby girl.”

The moment he stopped talking, he ripped up the agreement and threw it on the floor, carelessly. Entwining his hands in his lap, he finally turned to look at her, still frowning. His expression didn’t change even when he noticed the tears in her eyes. But his heart took one more leap in her direction.

Lisa sniffled and dried her eyes with the back of her hand.

“That was redundant. Our lawyers got other copies of that thing, Michael.”

“It was symbolic.” He looked at her as if she was five… or maybe a little slow on the uptake.

She couldn’t help but grin, albeit a bit tentatively.

“You’re so fucking mean.”

“That’s because you’re so damn infuriating, woman.” His forehead distended, his face relaxed, and a bit shyly, he smirked back at her.

“Come here…” Lisa reached out, taking his hand, squeezing it. Swallowing back the sudden barrage of fear that had threatened to sweep him away just a few minutes earlier, he turned his body to her fully and she took him into her arms, sinking in his embrace.

“Hey… We did a bit better than usual, this time…” Her whisper in his ear made his smile grow larger. “That’s progress…”

“I guess. You’re still a pain in the ass, though.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” She kissed his ear. “I love you. I really do. Fuck, for real, Michael. I love you.”

“And so crass.”

She giggled, pulling him back on top of her.

Yes. She was crude at times. But she was also so adorable… and uncommon. God, how he loved her!

“Still getting turned on by our little fights, uhm, daddy…” Her hand traveled down and in between their bodies, caressing him gently as he once again settled in between her legs.

“Shut up for a minute, for heaven’s sake. Kiss me…” His mouth slanted over hers again and again, and his serious tone mellowed bit after bit. “Just… kiss me… Kiss me, girl.”

“You still love me even if I am not gonna marry you?”

“For now. But yes. I do.”

She grabbed him with more force, and began to stroke him just the right way for a moment. Doing her best to soothe his injured pride. Admittedly, he didn’t easily take no for an answer.

“Alright… Let me rephrase, then… You still love me… and want me… even if I am not going to marry you right now?” Her voice had dropped and now held that husky, seductive drawl.

“Yes. And yes. And you will marry me. Eventually.” He left her lips and started kissing a fiery path down her throat, over to her collarbone. His hand captured her breast and she arched up against him with a moan. His painfully hard member was already perfectly nestled in between her legs. This felt heavenly.

“Michael…”

“Yeah…”

“I was thinking…”

“Damn… Still? Stop thinking for a minute…”

Lisa chuckled and squeezed him in between her legs, making him flinch.

“You said Debbie will sign over her parental rights soon…”

He stopped his ministration and looked up at her for a moment, his face dead serious now.

“Yes.”

She licked her lips and ran her fingers through his hair.

“I was thinking… The moment she does that… I will adopt Prince right away, and raise him with you… If you want, that is.”

He just stared at her for a second, too stunned to formulate anything verbally, then kissed her again with all the pent-up passion and love he felt.

By turning down his marriage proposal, she had deprived him of something, but she had also given him something else in return. Something of much more importance. Something so precious. The demonstration that they didn’t need to get married to be a real family.